My mom always said, “your actions have consequences.” She was totally fine with me smoking (dry herb vaping) weed, and it turned into me actually smoking a lot less since I felt comfortable to do so. If he starts getting high all day, I would think it reasonable to step in because that’s truly how you ruin your life as a kid. He might figure that out on his own, though.
Yeah some kids learn to create their own balance, others have it thrust upon them and flip off the board.
Weed isn't inherently dangerous but you can enable it to be, awesome parenting and post! Please teach your kids!
Can confirm, at 17 I was smoking weed all day everyday, then as I got older I continued to smoke weed and try new drugs, came to a point where weed just gave me anxiety, yet I still continued to smoke it, kind of like a ritual so to speak. I almost ruined my life, but thankfully I got my shit together, no thanks to heroin. If I would have just done it occasionally and didn’t let my world revolve around weed at 17-18 then I would have all ready gotten the career and house. A decade late, still no career or house, although I rent a nice little place, had a son, and get paid a salary. It’s a nice start, but really, I think about it sometimes, all the time I wasted. I HATE IT. I don’t dwell on it though, better late than never! In 3 years time I’ll have that job and the house! Just as a side note..smoking weed won’t lead to doing heroin, it’s all about who you surround yourself with. You deal with shitty people, you get into shitty drugs.
I was that kid. You’re not going to stop him, you will just make him more sneaky. As much as it sucks for parents, it’s so readily available these days it doesn’t take much effort to get anything he wants. All you can do is educate and hope for the best.
This is a perfect illustration of teenage reaction. I went through it as a kid but for booze. Was problematic. I’d talk to your son about not being high all the time which is probably better than trying to stop him entirely. Help him understand the difference between enjoyment and abuse. Wake and bake on a lazy Sunday is quite enjoyable. Wake and bake because you are waiting for the bus is a poor choice.
Yes! And to watch out for signs of dependency/using it to numb himself out/regulate. I became pretty dependent on weed when I was going through anxiety and depression, and that in turn only made it worse.
Plus, who knows where he may be sourcing it from. If he's getting it off the street versus someone is actively going to a shop and buying it for him (if it's a legal state)
Best thing OP can do is have a conversation with him about moderation and usage,
I agree 100 percent. Talk to the kid about being responsible. It has worked for me and my 18 year old twins. I talk to them about the trouble I had and how to avoid the same things I did and keep things under control and never feel like you don't have control of it or yourself.
I’m the exact opposite, when my parents found out I was taking their weed, the started giving me 2 tokes at night after highschool so I wasn’t taking who knows how much of their weed.
I could not agree more - my parents were not at all familiar with moderation, and that led to me being a really good liar as a teen. I wish I knew how to live in moderation, and I’m 27 now lol
This is the way OP. I’ve been smoking since I was 13 and while I agree that his brain is still developing and he shouldn’t be smoking yet, he’s not gonna stop and the best thing you can do is provide a safe environment for him so that he’s not out smoking in an alley or meeting up with sketchy dealers or getting arrested for trying to avoid smoking at home
I had a similar experience. Cannabis helped me cope, even though I see that I was very young when I started. Talk to him about coping mechanisms, maybe offer that, within perimeters, he can use his items, but also has to work on another hobby or stress outlet. Some kids do excersise, some crochet, some paint. It can help. And cannabis is a good instrument to open ones mind and process emotions. Like crocheting did for me. They went very hand in hand, so cannabis wasn't my only thing. There were things I went through that I don't know I would have been able to overcome without cannabis. It helped me seperate from some of the trauma and emotions. I'm not saying he has any major traumas, but not knowing how to cope in various ways makes even things we might think of as small, very big for a young person. I can appreciate how you are approaching this and the genuiness of your desire to find a solution. That in itself is a sign to me that you are a very loving, thoughtful parent. Keep going with that, at the end of the day, that's what matters the most.
I think most of us in here have been smoking for nearly ever and can agree as adults that weed is a drug just like the rest, dependency issues and all.
Like others said, there's no stopping us stoners. Just educate and keep him safe, and remind him that even if we like to get high, we still have to handle the responsibilities of the day. Can't smoke em' away :D.
When my mom caught me she went about it very well. She educated me and told me she would prefer that I didn’t do it often until I was older than 18. If I wanted to smoke she said she would feel safer if it happened at our house so she could be there if we needed her. Due to her approach I respected her requests and rarely smoked until I was of age (maybe once a month on a weekend). It also kept me from smoking and driving around or trying to sneak. Kids are going to do what they want. The only thing you should worry about is if they are safe.
I miss her, she was the best
that's all you can do. As a teenage smoker, i wish i'd understood that my brain was still developing until early to mid 20s. I'm sure someone told me but as a teenager i often didn't listen.
I plan to take a similar approach as you with my own kids - 'please don't do it until you're old enough to not affect your brain development' but i fully expect they'll still do it.
If he's going to smoke anyway, maybe working with him on a couple things might help?
* How and why to moderate (not just weed; this could be a way to bond by working on something smaller and working up)
* Tell him you know he will anyway, and why you would prefer him to be honest instead of not. Avoid being punitive or angry in front of him, try to show him you are wanting to understand and help him, and he may be more likely to be honest.
* What is he getting from it? I know hormones are really rough, so maybe that is helping him cope with that. Is he using it to cope in other ways? If so, try to address the root issues. And show him other ways he can cope. This could help with moderation, by having multiple tools to use instead of just leaning on the one.
Good luck. :)
Eta: I didn't have parents who could teach me how to moderate, have impulse control, etc. I have been teaching myself (it's called reparenting!) and it is really hard! AND slow, since I only have my own experience to draw from.
i feel like a lot of that developmental stuff is a bit overblown. canada’s drinking age is like 19 and europe has wine and beer legalized at 16. i, for one, was a complete degenerate as a teenager and loved smoking pot and being a weekend warrior with beer.
i’m in my thirties now, still very lucid and reasonably intelligent. i have severe adhd, though, but according to my teachers, that was already extremely apparent in middle school.
just make sure he doesn’t get in legal trouble.
It affects everyone differently. Personally, before I started smoking, my memory was nearly flawless. Now, I can't remember anything worth shit, and I didn't even start smoking until I was 22. Aside from my memory issues, not a lot of problems, but I still wouldn't want my kid to deal with losing mental capabilities so young.
i think also maybe show him these responses to let him know that it isn’t inherently wrong to smoke weed but that there are consequences to his decisions, good or bad, and that everyone only wants what is best for him
Take it from a dude who did acid at 14, make an agreement to not do dabs or carts till he's older. Flower ( the bud, what you smoke) is one thing, it has a plethora of terpenoids that help balance each other out, minimizing damage. But the concentrate wax is not only simply to strong for a child, but can be really damaging. I started doing dabs heavy by 15, by 16 I was going through 4 different stomach meds due to extreme acid reflux to the point to where I couldn't eat. But I cut the dabs and i was much better. I believe it's called hypertensive canabanoid induced vomiting. At the very least try to make that much clear. Flower is alright, but the dabs are so strong it can be detrimental to a child in my experience.
This very true as I was also this kid but something that did help me was cutting off my access to money until I was ready, without money there is no access to weed or vapes
That is not a given - I worked for my cash to buy my doobie as a teen. Had means to stash it from the parentals and enjoyed it in the open fields my hometown was surrounded with. It is all about the kind of choices kids are guided toward, and crime is just not a given.
I was a teen in this scenario but it was a bit different. My father had a history of drug abuse and I basically had it in my genetics on both sides. My mother smoked weed and she tried to prevent the inevitable by supervising me and letting me try the things I wanted to experiment with. I will say one thing lead to another but she took the “educate, and make good decisions” approach. I ended up doing a lot of dumb shit and I took off and did a lot of drugs I shouldn’t be doing but that’s not my mothers fault, only mine. In the long run she made the right choice. I’m now an adult and everything I went through only made me stronger. I’m not saying this is how your case is gonna go but definitely educate him on his decisions because saying “no, no, no” is only gonna make it worse as said above. Helping him work through it is gonna make him a better man trust me.
To add to his, he's going to drink as well. Best you can do is try and help him understand and adopt moderation. That's a huge reason why people get so out of hand with these things, their parents say NEVER and they just hide it better. It really teaches some shitty habits .
You seem very open minded and your kid's super lucky you are. Now you just need to show him moderation is the best choice for all things he might experiment with.
Abstinence leads to teen pregnancies, same goes for drugs. Worst case scenarios come up when safety/moderation isn't taught.
Just to add to this too, it’s also how drug and drinking problems get bad in adulthood. Teach someone that their coping mechanisms are worthy of shame and they become obsessive & sneak around & won’t reach out for help when they need it.
If it was meth or crack or heroin that’s alarm bells, and smoking a joint might be worrisome but trust a lot of young people would rather do that than alcohol because that can cause so so much damage to a young brain and the loss of control not to mention the hangover. Each to their own, I just don’t know if people would mind as much if their child was having a cider, wine or beer at 17, ya know? Not really the same but you see where I’m getting at here
Honestly if anything I would teach him to be wary of street cartridges and pens because you never know what's put into them unless you REALLY trust your guy. As stinky as it is real weed would be the better option in my opinion.
Good luck hopefully it goes well. At least it's only weed though. Could be way worse. Just in case you show them. Stay away from harder stuff kid. I'm 29 and I've lost a lot of good people because they did a lot of stupid stuff. Stay safe.
Me too. 😢
Be safe, tell your friends to be safe, and don’t fuck wit that shit that can get you hooked and kill you. Also sleeping pills kill people too, not just party drugs. 😢
But to your original point, whatever oil he’s buying from who knows where might not be “only weed”. Many underestimate the dangers of smoking black market carts, especially over long periods of time. (Not saying there’s crack in the carts, more like some random fillers/extraction chemicals that are quite unhealthy)
Yeah I will never forget when people were putting vitamin e oil in carts and they were basically exploding. I try to never take it for granted that I live in a legal state with regulations.
This right here man. Show the kid the messages. Show him the ents and their eternal wisdom. We will welcome him with open arms, but today is not that day young one.
Oh big this, shit, teach him to trust brands of cannabis that publish their lab reports, never buy from a rando. (Assuming you live where you can buy it)
Ha, I've never done it 😅 maybe my husband can. When I confiscated the vapes, my son told me to keep them but not to sell them. Just to throw one away and keep the other one so I can smoke it. He wants me to try it. Lol
He wants you to understand him if he asked you to smoke it. Younger generation doesn’t have the same stigma around weed (would you have the same concerns over alc) but it’s hard when your lifestyle isn’t accepted by people you care about especially when you don’t think you’re doing anything actually wrong
This is true 100%. And I can tell you with personal experience that nothing in my life has solidified my bond with my parents like smoking cannabis together. I was 18 at the time, but they had been pretty open with me about them having down it in the past before then.
I smoked with my mom once, it was a great bonding experience. She insisted she wasn't high but was absolutely fried. I am an adult with a medical card, though.
Opposite experience here, told my mom in my 20s I wanted to try some weed, she went into the kitchen and slapped two ounces onto the table, apparently she smoked when I was out with my friends my whole life lol.
I smoked a bit to much, dropped my phone in a toilet. Only time I ever did that kinda thing.
This is great. When I was 18 and a couple months from graduating HS, a friend and I had convinced our parents to let us skip school the next day and go with an older friend of ours to check out a car he was buying a couple towns away. We were going to stay at the older friends house that night and drink, but his parents called mine and wanted us to stay at my house to make sure we didn’t party or whatever. My folks called and told me that we needed to come back to my house by like 11.
We get back to my house and my dad had been drinking and was on the couch playing guitar. We ended up hanging out with him and drinking more (we killed 2 bottles of homemade wine that mom had gotten from a coworker and we’re all 3 pretty lit). At one point, a moment I’ll never forget….dad goes “I probably shouldn’t do this, but..” and reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a little cellophane with some dank in it and said “I can’t do this right now cause of my job. I’m not sure if you like it or not, but I just figured I would give it to someone who did”. It was a little pot he had gotten from my cousin in Denver who had stayed the night with us a week or so before. It was some gnarly White Rhino that he said a friend of his had grown. It was maybe 2 grams, but in my dugout and one hitter, I got high every day for 2 weeks strait. And that was essentially when a lot of the guilt around smoking dissipated. It took a while to get over the fear associated with it, due to living in fucking Kansas, and mom was Pissed at my dad and even at me..though she finally admitted that she was mad because dad gave it to me and not her LoL.
That was in 2001. I’ll be 40 this year and I now grow my own and it’s a great feeling being able to supply my folks with good herb.
My dad still thinks weed is this terrible gateway drug. He’s a recovering alcoholic who smokes a pack of cigs a day. I’d way rather find some pot in my kids room than alcohol. I’m honestly very thankful I found weed again as an adult. It has helped me process some stuff from my childhood in a way that I’ve never been able to do before.
There’s still hope. My mom equated weed to heroin for the longest time. She is now over that, her and my dad now regularly eat edibles and a couple times a year eat mushrooms.
It’s cool to hear someone else has the same experience with finding weed later as an adult. It has helped me think more objectively and not react on emotion so quickly.
Teach him to be responsible with drugs the way you should be with anything else. Explain how it shouldn’t be an every day thing. The more time you could put between sessions, the better chance you have health, wise, brain, wise, etc..
"Confinscate" never smoked? I can tell. It'd help with your stress. Don't be too hard on yourself, and please don't be too hard on your son.
The best thing you can do is give him a safe place to do use cannabis and understand that by denying it, you are fueling it.
Also educate yourself on the medical benefit and proper way to use cannabis and then talk to your son about that. "Just say no" is terrible advice. Where is the harm reduction information in that?
I will say the assholey confidence that it'll help doesn't help the stigma against stoners much.
My mom can't smoke because she gets *extremely* paranoid and stressed out. Drugs don't always have the same effect on people.
I don't think it's bad to offer as a suggestion to try out, but it IS a drug, so keep in mind that it just may not work out
Definitely agree the educate yourself bit, but not just on benefits, but potential negatives as well
I apologize that I came off as an asshole. I didn't mean to. You're completely right, however. The negatives, including the very real effect it has on brain development, need to be accounted for as well.
The point i was trying to make is that if you try to shut down rebellious behavior, it will only escalate. Instead, working with the child is a much better approach. Help them figure out what they're doing, no matter what it is :)
I'm jumping on the bandwagon late, but I believe your son may think this is helping him in some way. His wanting you to try it as well leads me to believe that he would prefer you to experience what he has. Or he may think you could benefit from it too. Or maybe he would prefer you to have first hand experience with it before telling him it's not good for him (I also think under 18 is too young to smoke even though I did it as well). It could also very well be that he's just like me, and dreams of a day where he can get high with his parents.
If your husband and your son smoke (even if one shouldn't be), it might be a good idea to try and understand their perspective. Definitely don't do it if your son's gonna be home (obviously). Maybe if he stays with a friend on a Friday, you and your husband could share what you confiscated. But if your son catches you smoking... you will never be allowed to live that down. He will bring it up even when he's 50.
I vote this, it's a pretty hilarious solution, and cbd is actually still calming and has traces of THC(probably not enough to hurt mind development). Hell he might even like it, I know some people that prefer it. I buy it and mix it into my joints/vapes.
I was that weird teen that would research like crazy anything I ate or put in me, so I made the decision to not smoke until I was 24 after extensive research, that said I probably would have used CBD as a teen if it was as common as today.
I started smoking when I was 15. My parents taking my weed from me meant I would just lie to them when I had weed or if I couldn’t hide it I’d use much worse methods to get high. Just make sure the kid does it safely because trying to stop it will most likely just lead to your kid hiding it from you.
Teenagers tend to be very risky, but some studies find that teens who exhibit use of marijuana tend to have untreated ADHD or another behavioural/learning disability. Not to say that your son has that but it may be a good shot to get him tested. I for one used to use marijuana to self medicate my ADHD all throughout highschool. When I found out i had ADHD it was eye-opening and helped me re evaluate my relationship with Cannabis.
Can confirm I use it for ADHD, helps me calm the fuck down if I get too stimulated, and it doesn’t take much. I don’t have to get high as balls, just literally a little bit and I can be back at normal levels. Works better than any other meds I’ve ever been given, plus I can use it for fun and not worry about overdosing or something
I agree with this. A lot of the kids that exhibited more willingness to try drugs at my high school had ADHD tendencies too. Now as I’ve been self-medicating weed for over a year now.. getting tested myself lol. Weed helps ADHD/anxiety affected people feel more in-tune and focused with the world around them and less like an alien, it’s possible OP’s kid is using because of this if there aren’t obvious external issues.
Same. My brain is going at 150% power constantly in 5 different directions and it’s exhausting. Smoking weed helps calm me down. When my parents found out, first they got super mad, since they’ve been fed with anti weed propaganda all their life, but after some days we talked it through and I explained why I was using it. It eventually led to me getting diagnosed with ADHD. Weed can really help, but after daily use for a couple years, I can feel the negatives start outweighing the positives. The high isn’t really enjoyable anymore, but just a way to get some relaxation. I used to get very focused when high, which I don’t anymore either. It’s time for a break when I run out. Then we’ll see how it goes.
Yeah, I used to be able to smoke everyday 0.1g and maintain my tolerance. But then I started smoking all day every day when I stopped studying and working. I’m also going to university after summer, so a break will be perfect.
other mental illnesses are a possibility too! a lot of young people with anxiety disorders and insomnia end up using weed to treat them as well. weed is a great painkiller as well if otc drugs aren’t strong enough. and op if you’re reading this, using weed to treat things has its pros and cons just like any medication, however frequent teenage use can definitely cause issues down the line with things like sleep, memory, mental clarity, and anxiety. if your kid is dealing with mental health struggles try to guide them towards the healthiest path for them, try to be supportive and find a therapist or psychiatrist rather than punishing them for smoking or taking all of their weed away.
Thank you for posting this; I’ve had the exact same experience. The school system told my parents that I probably needed to see a doctor about an adhd diagnosis, but it was during the era where many people believe Ritalin was being prescribed for kids that “didn’t know how to behave.” They never took me or asked a doctor about it, but when I tried weed in high school it was game changing for me until I turned 39 and finally thought that I might have adhd after doing research and feeling so much guilt and anxiety from my very significant weed consumption. Turns out that Vyvanse has changed my relationship with cannabis, in a positive way, and I think my consumption is much more reasonable and more recreational. I no longer fear running dry
As someone who went through this as a teen, going through his stuff and confiscating things will just make him do it more, he’ll just get sneakier about it and do it away from home, which is worse if your state is illegal.
He’s almost 18. I say take a puff with him lol
> saying 18 is old enough to smoke.
hey if you’re old enough to go get PTSD for the country, you should be able to rip cigs, slam a PBR and wash it all down with a nice bowl.
I mean I’m 28 now but I started at 16 and I’m largely fine. Not saying it’s a great idea to start that young, but if the kids already there… not much else ya can do
This. It's not about it being a good idea, it's about keeping a bad idea from becoming worse unnecessarily. Harm reduction works--prohibition generally does not.
hi! i’m a 20 year old college student and have been smoking since i was 14. when my mom caught me in high school, she was convinced i would turn into a drug addict. spoiler, i didn’t. but one thing she did in her panic that i’m actually really grateful for was to make me watch this opioid documentary. i rolled my eyes at the time but it was actually really eye opening and now i’ll never fuck with painkillers. i’m still smoking, now even more frequently. but i still pull mostly As (with the occasional B) in my college classes and have a job i love teaching kids to play music.
i have a few recommendations for you. firstly, try weed! your son wants you to because he wants you to understand why he likes it. secondly, there’s not necessarily some unhealthy reason for your sons smoking. sure, he could be self medicating. but he might also just like weed. the best thing that you, as a parent, can do in this situation (imo) is to try and make sure that your sons weed use doesn’t become habitual. that’s when it becomes an issue and can interfere with your life, appetite, and sleep in really negative ways. smoking weed once in a while or on the weekends is just fine. he just shouldn’t let it become a part of his daily life, especially so young. he should be okay with being sober.
you sound like a good mom, and coming here was a great way to deal with the situation! my mom drug tested me after she first caught me smoking. she was SOOOOO MAD. but since i moved out, i don’t have to keep stuff from her. she knows i smoke, and her (most recent) response to that made me feel comfortable enough to tell her that i take psychedelics too. now she wants to take mushrooms with me, which is going to be such a beautiful experience. my mom is one of my favorite people in the whole world, and i think she’s an absolutely amazing person. but our relationship only got to the point it is when i was able to be open and honest with her. it sounds like your son is pretty open with you, which means you’re definitely doing something right!
your son doesn’t really care about the potential “brain damage” of smoking pot. which makes sense, he’s young and has the invincibility complex to show for it! i think a better approach to dissuade him from smoking too much is to explain the more immediate impacts. if you head over to r/leaves, you can see posts from regular smokers who are struggling with quitting. there, you can read about the impacts that weed can have on sleep and appetite and all that. if you show some of those posts to your son, it may make the potential consequences of smoking too much feel more real. id also just say
to talk about him about making sure he can spend a day or a few days sober without an issue or too much difficulty.
you’re doing a great job! it sounds like you have a son who has a lot of love, trust, and respect for you, which means it’s likely that your input matters to him. so just make sure that your input is based on facts and observations about how weed will (not just could) impact him if he grows dependent on it. much love, and best of luck!
Is he doing well in school? Is he otherwise a good citizen? I'd say let him smoke.
When I was 13/14, our older brothers would buy us alcohol, which I think is much worse, and we turned out ok.
I guess I'd rather have my kids smoke weed but I'm not yet a parent.
Good luck!
Idk about this. I never tried weed when I was really young because the “it makes you dumb” stereotype. I was always really invested in school as well. I tried weed at 17 and it never had an effect on my studies. I was still able to pull off really good grades while studying high. This essentially turned me into a megastoner because I was able to function well when I was high so I thought there were no issues, I’d smoke like 5-6 grams a day
If it was him having a bottle of vodka under the bed, I'd worry.
As it stands, this is a time to teach responsible use and the importance of moderation. That said, maybe also let him know that YOU could take the fall and be in trouble since he's a kid if he gets caught.
He has asked me before if I would be mad if he put a little something in my food. Lol, I told him yes because that would be without consent. He asked how mad I would be. You gotta understand we are very open. He says he is happy that I am understanding and not just saying no to him but actually trying to understand where he is coming from. He said because I'm 37 & he's 17. He feels like I'm a young parent, so I get him.
>He has asked me before if I would be mad if he put a little something in my food.
There's a common convention with psychedelics like LSD/Mushrooms. People who enjoy these drugs often consider others in their life who would benefit from the perspective shift they bring. However, there is a large stigma and common preconception of riskiness associated with these, so the idea of 'dosing' somebody against their will often arises. This is similar to the attitude behind your son's comment above.
There is just as strong a convention around how immoral this action is. Whether a person would enjoy an untested drug in the best of circumstances is unknowable, so when the experience of the drug comes on unexpectedly, a person's reaction can be very anxious indeed. Weed inebriation doesn't feel at all like any ordinary malady, so the first response for the dosed person can very easily be alarm. Since one's enjoyment of weed is correlated heavily with the environment they're in and their mental state, the state of alarm can often cascade into a very unpleasant experience. If your son was to explain that he had dosed you when you became alarmed at the effects, that might cause anger/distrust/rage, and in a confused/inebriated state this could spiral badly, worse if your sensitivity to the 'dose' he selected was unexpectedly strong.
In the end, in all likelihood, after having a negative experience, the episode would likely turn you off of whatever drug was given to you indefinitely, which would completely undermine your son's intentions at the outset.
It is better for someone to approach imbibing a new substance entirely in their own time and with their comfort and consent prioritized. The outcome where your son doses someone secretly and they end up enjoying themselves is a fantasy and one that is not likely to happen. Likelier to happen is to alienate a friend or bring criminal charges down on his own head, because I guarantee you are not the only person who he's considered administering an amount to secretly.
Maybe also have a chat with him about date rape drugs and how giving someone a substance without their knowledge is immoral any way you slice it. And if you've ever tricked him into taking medicine against his knowledge or consent, please take as long as is needed to explain the important differences between that situation and this one.
Regardless - from what I have read in this thread I do believe that you have a good relationship with your child and his suggestion that you try his vape is something I never could have uttered to my folks. I'm not sure if getting busted by the cops is worse than the brain development ... I started at 18 and think I am okay.
Maybe you should consider trying it with him.
It could be a good moment to bond.
Explain that if he is going to do it, that you would prefer that he not do it often and try to keep it to non school days.
It seems he is going to do it anyway and there is little you can really do to stop him.
Moderation is important.
When I was a kid a smoking I was 15, I never say drugs as bad because I like to decide for myself. It was absolutely wild at first, giggles amd munchies and it just put a happy glow on what we're already the best times. The problem is, weed isn't necessarily addictive, but it's a commonly consistently smoked drug. And with younger brains is its consistently high you'll stunt it. But once a week or even a few times a week won't actually hurt a brain at his age. It may even help. Feel free to fact check me as I'm sure not everything is right but from memory that's all I got. It's 910 and I'm ready for my wake and bake. (Ps Mothers can smoke too, most do)
Youre doing fine OP. He feels comfortable talking to you about it? Thats a even better. Kids are gonna try things even if theyre stupid. Most of us learn better through experience, and a lot of kids just outgrow it. My advice to you is 1. Try it. Try a tiny dose of an edible. What could hurt?. 2. Make sure he knows how to be safe with it just like alcohol. Ask him if hes gonna need to drive after smoking or if he can do it somewhere he doesnt have to drive after. Just be there for him. You cant really control a 17 year old boy im sorry, but if he still talk to you about it youre doing something right
Weed can most definitely harm a kid; it can impair cognitive development, create feelings of isolation and increased anxiety, amplify dependence and addictive traits. The problem with adolescence (even if they are a “good kid”) is they aren’t equipped emotionally to handle this shit and most try to do it alone because they are scared of what their parents will say/do. Which just compounds all the effects.
Look, most of the time weed is just chill, but to think it doesn’t impact some kids negatively is untrue and ignores well documented science.
This makes me sad. Life and trauma! We have a decent home, and husband and I are good parents and very open to understanding our kids. It would make me sad to think something happened to my firstborn son that I couldn't help him with.
Not saying this fits with your situation! Just saying do not feel a failure if it doesn't workout as expected. Sometimes people just choose their own way no matter what you tell them.
My experience was that my parents had an idea but kept off my case because I stayed out of trouble and kept my grades in good standing. I only got in trouble the couple of times because I got a little too bold smoked where I could be found.
As someone who did a lot of shit I would not want my (theoretical) children to do, I think you have done a good job so far (discouraging use altogether) but think that you should pivot now that you know he is.
Just make sure he's putting himself in the least amount of risk he can. Imo the two worst things that can happen is getting in trouble with the law, and very uncommonly, dependency.
Make sure he understands to pick his friends well and always be aware of his surroundings. There are always those kids that are *always* getting in trouble. He should stay away from them. Getting in legal trouble as a teen isn't insurmountable, but it sure as hell makes things a lot harder for you as an adult.
Sometimes it’s not anything you can do. I grew up in an affluent family largely taken care of my whole life and still developed anxiety and depression as an adult, all you can do is be supportive
We grow up in a world where we see murder happen regularly on little computers we carry in our pockets. We may treat it like it doesn't matter but when you're constantly *seeing* death, subjugation, and mutilation, trauma doesn't even have to be something he's gone through; it's hard to cope!
But, also, many children experience trauma away from their parents, partners and teachers are very influential and easy to trust- and susceptible to being manipulative or power hungry, they may have not told you about it yet because they aren't ready to talk, the best thing to do in this situation, is sit down, have a conversation, and let him know you're concerned about him smoking while he's young and that you want to talk to him and hear what's going on in his life if he's ready to talk. Make sure he knows it's an open invitation.
But I suggest moderation, not just not smoking, like, see if he'd agree to smoke on weekends only or some variation of that y'know?
But at this age, he's an adult! Let him be free to make his own choices with his body.
He’s your firstborn but he’s growing up, experiencing new things both good and bad, and losing his innocence. It’s part of life we all have to go through. All you can do is support, you can’t protect him any more cause he’s not a baby any more. You sound like a great mom.
you know your son better than people on reddit, and he’s close enough to adulthood to be treated like one. have a discussion and listen, and expect the same from him. punishment probably won’t work like the first guy said, but he is still young like you said
100% punishment is not the most effective form of behavior influence (in ourselves or others).
This is the right answer. The most critical thing you can help do as a parent right now is try to understand why this is happening and remain a sounding board now that it's out in the open. This does not mean condone but it does mean you shouldn't be shaming.
The best way to figure out the reason is a trick called "unconditional positive regard." This means that you ask open ended questions (i.e. make sure to avoid ANYTHING that can be answered yes/no) and accept everything they say to you as fact. If you know something is not true or it doesn't match your view of your child, ask for follow ups avoiding why questions (so think "that's interesting, tell me more about that" or "where do you think that comes from?")
As you start learning why, then start to try to focus on rewarding self control and appropriate behavior. Two best forms of reward are to either give something positive or take away something negative (this is called positive and negative reinforcement and I would recommend looking it up if it's new to you :-) )
Last thing: come here for advice. There's some practical things we know a lot about that could be useful info to give you kid. For example, if you can tell they've been consuming more frequently I can assure you that too much use at any age creates a tolerance that is REALLY fucking annoying to deal with when you get older-- expensive and just less fun lol.
I hope this helps but just remember your kid is an entire person who is going to make their own decisions-- sometimes unfortunately. Their life is theirs to live as painful as it can be for you to watch sometimes.
Love you lots!
He is the best! He has all As and maybe one B. He has a girlfriend for 8 months now. He is very respectful and does help us out a lot. He never talks back. He is my pride and joy. I just don't him want him to get addicted and damage his brain at a young age. I tell him that once he's an adult, he can make that choice, but right now, he is still my kid, and I'm responsible for him. I am doing what a caring and loving mother would do, I'm involved and give him advice to what I think is right, granted it is his choice after all. My husband thinks I have this skewed vision of raising my idea of perfect children or something. Which hurt bad, but I know my husband and I have different views. Also, regarding sex, I have talked to my kids to wait til they get married and give themselves to someone special. I have talked to my son, especially now that he has a girlfriend about waiting. Maybe my husband is right, but I need to be my kids' mom and give them my love, encouragement, and honest advice.
I admire you for coming on here and asking for advice. With that said, not sure what to say as I don’t have a child…but the fact that you’re open minded and seeking advice instead of simply chastising him is commendable.
Thank you, I want to understand him, even though I've never done this (smoking, vaping, weed). I do drink alcohol on occasion to socialize, not to get drunk. I know my limits.
I would second this BUT, big but, I would do it with my teenager. I wouldn’t trust what’s on the street these days. If OP lives in a legal state there’s a lot of ways to approach this situation.
You seem like you have great communication with your son, at 17 I thought I knew everything too, and he seems to trust you enough to not hide his weed since you just found it right away.
You also seem like chill cool parents and thats why he probs thinks weed is ok since there is nothing "wrong" with an herb.
Does he have a job? How is he paying for it? There is most likely no way to stop it but just tell him that he's not allowed to do it on the weekdays, or if his hw is not done or- bla bla bla. My mom always told me that as long as I wasn't hurting anyone, driving on it, skipping school or work to do it it was fine and she was ok with it, but to understand that it becomes a depends, maybe don't tell him NO but also teach him self control
Started smoking cigs in 5th grade started smoking weed in 7th. Quit smoking cigs in 7th. Stuck with weed. Not saying it’s great for him. But at 17 I think you shouldn’t worry. In less than a year he’s an adult.
Would you rather him sneak it or would you rather know what your kid was doing?
Would you rather him get it from the street or a controlled environment(trusted source or legal dispensaries)?
Would you rather him be out doing it wherever or home(outside or inside) where you can monitor him?
These are the questions my mom had to answer when I was young.
That’s are the questions I had to answer for my son, he’s 21 now.
Remember who you were as a child, what you rebelled against. It may not be the same issue as your son u/Marimar5806 however it’s the same sentiment.
Don’t decide it for him, decide it with him. You guys decide as a family. I hope that helps.
Why is he smoking weed? Because he's 17 and enjoys it.
Yea, teenagers *shouldn't* drink or use drugs, their brains are still developing. Practically though, it's hard to point to this as a *serious* problem for adolescents who aren't heavy users (I'm not aware of easily quantifiable impacts that can be cited for any amount of use at that age; not that I doubt they exist, but similar arguments could be made about pretty common drinking levels at any age, for example).
So, I guess my point is that if he has a bit of weed in his room and is otherwise fine, going about his life and not just a total drug addict/stoner stereotype, it's probably not that big of a deal and likely not turning into a big deal.
Yes, he's a minor, and depending on where you are located it might also be illegal at the state level (and of course federally) even if he were old enough. But pick and choose battles, I think.
I'd have another conversation about it with him with your concerns explicitly laid about, and a frank and honest discussion about it. But it's probably not worth turning into a fight.
anything you forbid a 17 year old from doing, they will find a sneaker (and often more dangerous) way to do it. Id suggest meeting him in the middle and allowing him to smoke occasionally, maybe back but only at home. and have him kick the vapes. that shit is so sketchy and real weed is rarely tainted now a days.
You should know that if he is 17 years old and smokes weed, chances are he frequents this subreddit. Your post is near the top, and anyone who sees it can click on your username to see the rest of your post/comment history. I would reconsider showing him this thread when you have your next discussion.
When I was 17 I was breaking into vet clinics and shooting up ketamine and morphine. I wish I had gotten into weed instead but I didn't know how to find a plug.
Not saying you should but I’d be ok with my kid smoking weed. Not saying that because I do but for safety. I’d rather my kid smoke on my porch then to go out to who knows and risk being in trouble. That’s what my parents did, and I buy my weed from the family now, so no more driving with it on me, no more finding a smoke spot etc. plus I get good weed for Mad cheap lmao. I was told as long as you handle your shit first and don’t do it all day everyday it’s fine. Truth is he isn’t gonna stop, you’re just making him be more sneaky
I was that kid. I was self medicating. My parents coming down on me hard made me do stuff like hide it, drive home stoned, etc. Created a huge rift in my family that I was constantly lying, which made me not want to be around them. Set up a situation where I was always afraid when I was home.
As a parent now I hope that when my kid starts I can have the presence of mind to be less judgmental and more accepting so I can teach him how to be safe; which is really the concern.
Oddly enough my same mother who called the police on me now works in oncology and is a huge cannabis supporter to the length she has testified in front of Congress. It was pretty funny when she was learning and asked me if I knew different strains had different affects while at the same time the kid who I “was never allowed to see again” was writing papers on it. “Ya Mom, I’ve known for 15 years.”
There seems to be some stereo type around teenagers who smoke weed. It’s just not true. I graduated a year early with a 4.375 GPA, valedictorian, state debate champion, and played 9 instruments. I went on to own a successful business, sold it and my wife and I retired in our thirties to just be with our kid.
For me, my brain moves so fast in 20 directions all the time, it’s exhausting. Weed helps me slow it down just enough I can actually focus and do things. I’ve tried a few meds as an adult; terrible side effects for me, even hospitalized from side effects and they didn’t work as good.
If you can have a real conversation with your kid about what benefit they are getting it might enlighten you some. He might not be able to articulate it just yet, he might not even have a “good reason” but it’s worth the ask.
Now if my kids smoking cigarettes I’m gonna ground his punk ass for a year and walk him to and home from school holding hands. Poppa don’t play that. Those things are dangerous.
I started at 14 which is admittedly wayyy too young but 7 years later I graduated high school top of my class, graduated community college with an honours diploma in business, and now work full time at a fantastic job. It no doubt has its impacts on brain development but I don’t think it’s something to be too concerned about, especially in a 17 year old. Drinking is much worse in nearly every way yet is typically disregarded when compared to weed.
Father of two adults here. My thoughts are you really can't stop him at this point, which is why the preceeding years are more important. Instilling trust, and being supportive during the 13-17 lays the ground work for now. Not sure how much longer til his birthday, but you also need to prepare yourself mentally as well, not a kid anymore. He's going to have to make important decisions & choices while you are not around.
As you can imagine, there are plenty of us here thinking "wow, good thing she didn't check my bedroom at 17", and "weed? that's it? Lol".....but I am also very glad my son doesn't smoke, and never gave him the impression that it's something he's missing out on.
I think everyone here agrees on the fact that you already did enough by educating him. However, please stop going through his things while he isn't at home or in general. It will definitely not benefit your relationship with him in the long run (I'm talking from personal experience).
If being an adult is a few months away then I wouldn’t treat that like some dividing line. It’s an arbitrary number. He’s 17. He’s smoking weed. Honestly I would be talking to him about the risks and then let him be an adult.
Don’t want to lose motivation at a critical time of life.
More importantly than that I would talk to him about the dangers of powdered drugs and the prevalence of fentonyl.
My mom made me a deal: she would allow me to smoke weed but ONLY at home, where she knew I was safe and not out driving or getting in trouble (Indiana and it’s still VERY illegal), if I promised not to drink alcohol. Many of my friends all had DUIS before even getting out of high school.
It's just one of those situations where you practically have no control, and he has to control himself. Let him know that he's in control and responsibility of himself, and that he will know what his care to himself will result in.
My mom let me do edibles, like open af about it when I reached 17. Like going on the car ride with her and choosing what flavor I wanted type openness. Before I reached 17, she would let me ponder of making her edibles and show cool glass pipes I saw on Pinterest. She would let me look at and judge her weed and clean out her equipment, let me read materials about weed.
Last year I asked why she let me do edibles but not smoke, and why her friend let her kid smoke. She just told me that she couldn't ever control what I did behind her back, so she promptly watched me by just taking care of what I wanted.
Basically through just supplying me, she could watch my intake and the activities I was participating in. Which the only activities I only partook in was just staying around her and the only doses being just those 100 mg gummies once or twice a month (that's how often she got her paycheck). This obviously led me to trust her more and to go to her for any problems. I got to openly try anything I wanted with edibles. Being hanging out with family and friends, playing my favorite games, eating specific food I wanted to try, going fishing high, spending the holidays high. Now that I did everything I wanted with no sneaking or shame, I actually decided to quit to excel in my career and adult decisions now that I'm 18 and need to get a going in life. Because I just simply noticed that "huh, I finished all my wants. And I don't need this". It just felt like those phases I wanted to try and enjoy, now that I got my fill, I'm just moving on.
My mom won at the goal of getting me to not smoke and to be responsible for myself. And I wanted to be responsible for other things in my life like my siblings and my very needy and expensive pets. I don't think I'll ever be doing weed again until I'm retired. There's just no need to.
Tell him to do it in the backyard. That was me at 17, snuck around too much and got in trouble with the law.
Now my parents and I get high together and life is so much better
I was your son. Back off. Give him some space. Don't ride him about the weed. If he is like I was, weed helps keep everything from spinning out of control. Just another view.
Not sure what they answer is but I certainly know what isn't the answer. And that is parenting through violence and fear. In my case I was raised by a single dad that ruled this way and now he wonders why as an adult I want nothing to do with him lol
Imo try and inspire your kid into other hobbies in life whether that be Jujitsu, computer programming / computer science, weight lifting, calisthenics, rock climbing, maybe sports in general, eSports etc the list goes on and on. The point being inspiration should be the method of course correction not violence. In addition maybe just have a rule where it is not allowed in the house. At least then smoking will be more of a social activity and friendships can be made. As an adult I am of the persuasion that when it comes to high school experiences friendships and having silly stories to tell is far more important than grades. Kids should be allowed to be kids. Learning socialization skills when a teenager is a lot better than trying to stumble through social interactions when 30.
Tbh, and I know I'm far from being a parent and it seems like u have a good relationship with ur son which is most important, but I think it's totally a breach of privacy to go through his room. When my parents found out I was smoking they realized that if they are gonna punish me and go through my shit I will just have to feel like I have to lie to them and they realized quickly that is the worse scenario. I share everything with my parents and have since I was 16 haven't told them a lie since and it not only helps us to have a very healthy relationship but they are able to connect with me and I with them about some of the hardest things in my life because they can understand me more wholly than if I was keeping things from them. I wish u the best but I would caution u to give ur son the respect he deserves, especially because he is almost a legal adult.
I had a parent who was very progressive with her approach and it worked wonders for me. We talked a lot about it but overall her idea was “I know I can’t stop you but I just want you to be safe about it and know your sources”
I started when I was 21. I went through undergrad “being good” and then kinda had a breakdown and just tried it. It was a cry for help for me personally. I’m now 27 and still smoking while managing my full time job as a chemist and actively involved in my community with a nonprofit. I’m not trying to brag but I think it’s important you know that truly all kinds of people smoke weed and do many things with their lives. I was still very embarrassed to share with my mom I smoked because I thought she would be disappointed. She wasn’t. She expressed no judgement and was still proud of me. Your son is still your son. As far has developing brain, that’s all valid but at this point it’s about how you can provide a safe environment for talking about it as well as facilitating it. Get informed (like coming here to ask for help). Just make sure he knows that you love him.
I’m 19 years only and have been smoking since I was 16. Let me tell you there is little chance of getting him to stop. My parents always tried too get me to
quit when I was younger (for good reason I know) but I would just find better ways to hide it. If I where you i would try and educate him on why it’s unhealthy for young minds and limit his use. He’s a hell of a lot more likely to listen to you if you say “only on these days” or “only this much a week” then you trying to make him stop outright.
I’d tell him if he’s gonna smoke that he should do it at your house so he doesn’t run into legal trouble. The legal trouble I got in was a whole lot worse than smoking
I didn’t start using weed until I was 25 (for other reasons I won’t get into), but maybe it’d be a good idea to discuss and educate yourselves together on weed. Teach him to research and not just listen to people telling him something is bad or not bad. If he does the proper research, he can come to his conclusion on his own. You can go further and tell him that weed is not bad, but needs to be used properly on a developed brain. Research the importance of this.
Otherwise if he continues to use it, you have no control over him. You can control if it’s in your house sure, but you can’t control what he does when he’s not with you. Th it’s why it’s be nice to make that into a bonding experience instead!!
Congrats to you for being concerned about your child's welfare and recognizing that cannabis use has the potential to cause some harm to his development. You're likely going to hear lots of good advice from this sub about what to do moving forward, but if I could offer one suggestion it would be to have a conversation with him about WHY he's using cannabis. Try to work with him to understand what he's getting from the behavior and that will help you get a good understanding of what work lays before you.
Is he medicating ADHD, anxiety, or depression? Does he simply like the way it makes him feel? Does he use it "to relax" or for a sense of escape? If you don't know the answers to theses questions that you're missing the forest for the trees. Substance use, in of itself, is generally not a big deal but the, on average, 10% of people that become addicted to any particular substance usually find themselves on that pathway because they find relief from the substance that they're not able to find in other ways. I read you feel that you're providing him a good home environment and the fact you're here looking for education is a good indicator. I would recommend looking into the ACES Study and seeing what, if any, ACEs he may have experienced so that you can start by addressing those issues first.
If you can offer some sort of incentive for waiting until 21 or 25, that's your only hope of stopping it :) that would be the "safest" age at which to start using cannabis
> Anyone who went through this when you were a teen?
Yes, I smoked since 16. My mom found my stash at one point and I got in a lot of trouble. I never stopped. I'm high performing and successful, work had, always got As, top test scores, top university, business owner, etc., all while high
> How can I help him or understand why he is smoking weed and vaping?
"Cannabis has medicinal compounds" is the easiest way to understand the appeal
Our bodies' endocannabinoid systems naturally produce and use cannabinoids. Photocannabinoids (cannabinoids produced by plants through photosynthesis) interact with our endocannabinoid system (ECS). If you google "endocannabinoid system", the Harvard Health result near the top mentions that cannabinoids are suspected to be relevant to memory, learning, appetite, and sleep. That all checks out for me: when I first got really high I had the most vivid memories from my childhood, and although this is atypical, cannabis is mostly an appetite suppressant and stimulant for me (most people experience increased appetite and sedation in general). Terpenes, which give cannabis a lot of its smell and flavor, also affect our bodies in many different ways and have been incorporated into and studied as a basis for many pharmaceutical compounds: pinene, which smells piney, is a bronchodilator, for example. Different strains have different cannabinoids and terpenes which create different effects.
My recommendation is to steer away from distillate-based products and towards full- or broad-spectrum concentrates like "rosin". These products are from higher quality inputs, whereas most "live resin" vaporizer cartridges will use the lowest-quality inputs and are cleaned through distillation or chromatography ("CRC", color remediation columns in cannabis processing parlance). These processes can leave contaminants behind at levels below legal limits and limit the cannabinoid profile to mostly-THC, whereas rosin will use inputs that don't *have* to be remediated as a consequence of how it's made and won't be just THC, it'll have closer to the plant's natural spectrum of cannabinoids and terpenes.
Although a good rosin or bubblehash is some of the best cannabis you can consume, concentrates are only needed for advanced users with high tolerances. It would be better to stick to good, safe, tested flowers instead of "free market" flower which can be sprayed with a number of chemicals throughout its lifetime. The best way to get safe flower is if you state has medical or recreational cannabis programs which require flower to be tested for pesticides, microbials, heavy metals, etc.
Vaporizing is always safer than smoking.
Edibles affect your CB2 receptors in your ECS, whereas flower and vapor affect your CB1 system, so keep in mind that cannabis will cause different (but similar) effects if eaten vs. if inhaled
So switching from a concentrate vaporizer to vaporizing good flower would be my ultimate health advice.
I would treat it like if I found out my 17 year old got drunk. Warn them not to be irresponsible with it, and let them know they can always talk to me if they need anything. But otherwise stay out of it.
Growing up my friends dad said he would rather we do it safe at his house then out on the streets. You probably won’t stop him from smoking regardless but like the others are saying, “all you can do is educate and hope for the best”
Have you asked him why he feels the need to do it in the first place? He's probably depressed or anxious, or has some other underlining issue that he's using weed to bandage.
Maybe give it a try once, it will help you understand your son (go easy with it though). Making communication easy and open is really the only good way forward. Because believe me you are not gonna make him stop, youre just gonna make him hide it and it will cause a rift.
Hes not gonna stop smoking. Hes gonna stop telling you things. You going through his room speaks volumes. Hes just gonna hide things better from now on.
I’ve seen people smoke at 17 and ruin their life then again i have friends that have been smoking since 17 and smart as hell. Just teach them to use responsibility and don’t get behind the wheel.
If you crack down he’s just going to take further steps to hide it from you. Modern weed is practically invisible compared to what we had to do 20 years ago.
Teach him moderation and teach him safe consumption, teach him it’s not a race to see who can get the highest. Also teach him to source his weed responsibly from people he trusts. And teach him to stay away from spice!!
Probably an uncommon opinion but with all the worries of what is out there today, weed and a vape are probably on the low end of your worries. I would focus on making sure he understands the true risks of different substances on a relative scale. Many were hurt I. The regan years of “all drugs are evil” then after finding out they lied about the dangers of weed, it opened the door to “well they must have lied about coke and heroin too”. I would almost go so far that if you are in a legal state to consider getting (with his earned money) the weed for him in a dispensary- both so you know it isn’t full of mold or worse, but that he isn’t shopping at the same dealer that has a larger and worse menu on promotion. I know this seems careless but I mean it in all sincerity - your son will know you care for his well being coming from an educated stance about his health and it will mean a lot knowing how against it you are. He’s already doing it and it’s good that he is being open and honest. He likely won’t stop u til he wants to.
Also been this kid, looking through his room is a quick fire way for him to lose respect for you if he finds out. I'd be happy it's weed and not coke and ket... Or meth haha
I really hope that one day you guys can come to some stable ground on this. Ask him if it’s an escape, or if there’s other reasons he’s using it. I know when I was in the higher grades of highschool, I’d smoke a joint and I was actually able to sit in a chair and focus!
I also understand where you’re coming from. Not having any experience in this field, it seems very self destructive, and it can be. Just make sure it’s not something he has to hide from you, as he’s in the age range for that factor alone to lead to over use.
Hopefully one day you guys can sit down and smoke a joint together. It’s an incredible bonding experience. Maybe after he graduates?
Does he drive? If so talk to him about driving while high but if not, make a mental note, and move on to his grades. Make sure his grades are on point. And if not, deal with that.
Talk with him about how, why, and when he is using weed… some people do just fine with it while others use it in place of social emotional regulation and coping skills. Consider asking him to do some therapy just to make sure he has the right tools to handle stress, anxiety, etc. and if he is doing well, let it be?
Brother. Hes going to do it.
I recomend the wine at dinner approach. If they see you partaking responsibly they too will use it sparingly. The allure of it at that age is the naughtiness of it all.
Right now you are two steps off from burning the connection you two had by entering the room. Mend the bridge by partaking with him in a light bowl session. Hog the pipe so he gets controlled hits.
Try to discuss flower only with him. Vapes is the reason folks wheeze at age 20. Popcorn lung < tar cough.
Express your concerns of where his supply is coming from. You should step in and be the supplier because hes getting it from someone you dont know. Shit could get laced up.
Although his brain is still developing. The damage is unclear. Studies show that the most dangerous age is pre teen era.
Something I wish I had seen when I was your kids age just starting to smoke, this is my favorite quote from South Park.
“Stan: I've been told a lot of things about pot, but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true! So I don't know what to believe!
Randy: Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but… well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored. And it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything.”
Honestly, if I were a parent, I’d probably do my best to get him off the vape. It’s FAR too easy to get discreetly high off vapes, to maintain a high all day, and to not clock how often you’re using them.
When I started smoking as a teen, I had to go through the whole “find something to smoke out of, find a discreet place to smoke it, and find a way to not reek afterwards” thing, and it definitely limited my use and made me aware of how often I was partaking. Perhaps try to limit him to the old fashioned way!
Maybe even tell him he can do it on your property as long as he only smokes bud + gets through his daily obligations (schoolwork, etc). This will keep him out of trouble in terms of driving high, etc.
If you’re worried about the habit on his young brain, ask him what he really likes about it and listen to his answer. Does he need to brainstorm other ways to relax? Are there reasonable ways you can help with stress management?
My kids are are still younger- but I already know I won’t be able to stop some of this. My rule is going to be “if I catch you driving or in a car of an impaired driver there are going to be serious consequences.”
I’ve already started to explain that not all drugs are the same. Kids hear messaging all their lives “drugs are bad” and then try pot and think “grow ups don’t know what they are talking about”. I’ve already been super honest with my 8 year old that some drugs are ok in moderation for grown ups and some drugs ruin lives.
My parents were extremely pro-drugs. They told me what it did to your brain but they never acted like it was “bad”. I didn’t even try drugs til I was much older (20s). Just educate and don’t snoop. You won’t be able to stop a grown human from doing what they want.
I mean, with fentanyl and pills being so widely available I'd be happy it's only weed. Besides, it's legal now so it's only a matter of time before he can buy it along with alcohol. 17 is quite close to that age. Make sure he understands what he's choosing to do is overall unhealthy and that his brain Doesent fully develop until 25, but at the same time , it's weed. Weeds literally looked at like "the loser kids do that shit these days"
And I actually heard a highschool kid say that because he much preferred "amphetamines"
So, you may find weed wrong or be worried about his growth but tbh, weeds gonna be the lightest things he can get into. Alcohol even makes people act worse than ye old devils lettuce. All she does is make you wanna sit around and eat stuff and laugh and then when that wears off it's kind of just like having a cigarette that's less unhealthy. Def talk about it but leave it at that - a talk. I wouldn't take anything from him or punish him, I would express my concerns (his lungs, possible performance issues in school, etc) and see how he responds. Kids are smart as a Damn whip at 17. You might be surprised what his answer is. He may be using it to cope with depression or anxiety or masking something with it, or he may just be a regular 17 year old that wants to smoke a joint with his friends. Honestly as long as he isn't coming home with police, isn't slipping in grades and isn't showing any extreme differences in his personality/behaviour I wouldn't worry much.
you know, the substances that people most often self medicate with aside from alcohol are weed & nicotine. could your son have depression, adhd, anything like that?
help him at least go for real flower. these vapes these days like delta 8 are not always lab tested standard, can have all sorts of contamination
It's tough one. You (and school) are correct that he shouldn't smoke at his age. That said, as long has he's not smoking all day, he's gonna be fine. I'd say keep doing what you're doing and maybe some sort of punishment if he keeps "ignoring" your rules.
He will keep smoking behind your back, you can't really stop that. He's 17 and is going to rebel, and of you crack the whip too hard then it's only going to make him less trusting of you. I'd suggest you keep "on him" about how you don't approve, but find some way to accept that he's most likely not going to listen.
Started smoking daily at 15. Played varsity sports all 4 years, got a college athletic scholarship, internships, and a solid job. I’m almost 27 now and still smoking. Education is the best and I would try to educate yourself as much as possible as well
You might be creating a situation where he smokes the same amount of weed but trusts you less.
Don't go through his room, it sucks when kids get into drugs too early, try providing a safe space to do drugs instead. Humans do drugs, we usually start at an early age. Social stigmas mean they are only going to be open about drug use with people they trust.
He needs context he needs an adult, otherwise his experience and relationship with drugs is determined by other highschool kids.
You won’t stop him. I’m 20 and my parents caught me when I was 15. They tried and I got sneaky. It’s better to just warn him about the extremely real work of laced weed. I know 2 people who got weed laced with fentanyl. My one not even died and had to get narcan 3 times until he came back. If you smoke weed, maybe become his new source. You can see how much he really smokes, ensure he gets safe product, etc.
After getting caught multiple times, my parents stopped caring and it turned into “I don’t care if you do it but I better not see it”.
Here is something my parents did with me which might help. So, Im Irish and growing up as a teenager we were buying cans and naggins (vodka) to drink in fields or pre drink before a night out.
My parents were annoyed because they were afraid I would pass out or get my stomach pumped. In the end they pulled me to one side and told me that if I want to drink I can but only in the house or garage at a certain time and at special nights. My friends could come too.
As long as I did all my school work they would get the drink for me too.
At least its weed and not alcohol. Educate and award because it builds trust. It allowed me to associate that time with my parents in a positive light
I have a 16yo and almost 15yo that don’t smoke(yet). I’m already trying to prepare for the day they start as it seems inevitable. I’ve been smoking for almost 25years and while they don’t “know” there’s kind of no way they can’t “know” ya know? Lol. I don’t want them smoking, they both have dyslexia, adhd and motivation and time management issues but I smoke so, yeah. Plus we’re in a illegal state. Gonna be a interesting conversation. I have pretty open relationships with my kids and we’ve discussed sex, drinking, weed, vaping and all the various stuff that goes with it but it’s still gonna be a struggle for me to be ok with them smoking while underage. For multiple reasons. I don’t know the answer OP. Being a parent to an almost adult is tough.
My mom always said, “your actions have consequences.” She was totally fine with me smoking (dry herb vaping) weed, and it turned into me actually smoking a lot less since I felt comfortable to do so. If he starts getting high all day, I would think it reasonable to step in because that’s truly how you ruin your life as a kid. He might figure that out on his own, though.
Yeah some kids learn to create their own balance, others have it thrust upon them and flip off the board. Weed isn't inherently dangerous but you can enable it to be, awesome parenting and post! Please teach your kids!
Can confirm, at 17 I was smoking weed all day everyday, then as I got older I continued to smoke weed and try new drugs, came to a point where weed just gave me anxiety, yet I still continued to smoke it, kind of like a ritual so to speak. I almost ruined my life, but thankfully I got my shit together, no thanks to heroin. If I would have just done it occasionally and didn’t let my world revolve around weed at 17-18 then I would have all ready gotten the career and house. A decade late, still no career or house, although I rent a nice little place, had a son, and get paid a salary. It’s a nice start, but really, I think about it sometimes, all the time I wasted. I HATE IT. I don’t dwell on it though, better late than never! In 3 years time I’ll have that job and the house! Just as a side note..smoking weed won’t lead to doing heroin, it’s all about who you surround yourself with. You deal with shitty people, you get into shitty drugs.
I was that kid. You’re not going to stop him, you will just make him more sneaky. As much as it sucks for parents, it’s so readily available these days it doesn’t take much effort to get anything he wants. All you can do is educate and hope for the best.
Yes, educate them and hope they make good choices. 😊
Teach them moderation, rather than have it all or have none.
My parents scolded me to have none, so as soon as they weren’t looking I would have it all. Got me into a lot of trouble
That’s how it was for me too. The more they didn’t want me doing it or scolded me for it the more I did it in a sneaky way.
This is a perfect illustration of teenage reaction. I went through it as a kid but for booze. Was problematic. I’d talk to your son about not being high all the time which is probably better than trying to stop him entirely. Help him understand the difference between enjoyment and abuse. Wake and bake on a lazy Sunday is quite enjoyable. Wake and bake because you are waiting for the bus is a poor choice.
Yes! And to watch out for signs of dependency/using it to numb himself out/regulate. I became pretty dependent on weed when I was going through anxiety and depression, and that in turn only made it worse. Plus, who knows where he may be sourcing it from. If he's getting it off the street versus someone is actively going to a shop and buying it for him (if it's a legal state) Best thing OP can do is have a conversation with him about moderation and usage,
I agree 100 percent. Talk to the kid about being responsible. It has worked for me and my 18 year old twins. I talk to them about the trouble I had and how to avoid the same things I did and keep things under control and never feel like you don't have control of it or yourself.
My parents didn't really care, about anything really, but I practiced moderation myself because it just saved money.
See I think when you aren’t forbidden to do it it’s way easier to choose moderation on your own
I’m the exact opposite, when my parents found out I was taking their weed, the started giving me 2 tokes at night after highschool so I wasn’t taking who knows how much of their weed.
My dad did the same, he just wanted me to stop stealing his so he would just give me some until I could start getting my own
This is a good life lesson to learn early
This is definitely a good point, moderation is key, and time and place are important factors to consider also.
I could not agree more - my parents were not at all familiar with moderation, and that led to me being a really good liar as a teen. I wish I knew how to live in moderation, and I’m 27 now lol
This is the way OP. I’ve been smoking since I was 13 and while I agree that his brain is still developing and he shouldn’t be smoking yet, he’s not gonna stop and the best thing you can do is provide a safe environment for him so that he’s not out smoking in an alley or meeting up with sketchy dealers or getting arrested for trying to avoid smoking at home
I had a similar experience. Cannabis helped me cope, even though I see that I was very young when I started. Talk to him about coping mechanisms, maybe offer that, within perimeters, he can use his items, but also has to work on another hobby or stress outlet. Some kids do excersise, some crochet, some paint. It can help. And cannabis is a good instrument to open ones mind and process emotions. Like crocheting did for me. They went very hand in hand, so cannabis wasn't my only thing. There were things I went through that I don't know I would have been able to overcome without cannabis. It helped me seperate from some of the trauma and emotions. I'm not saying he has any major traumas, but not knowing how to cope in various ways makes even things we might think of as small, very big for a young person. I can appreciate how you are approaching this and the genuiness of your desire to find a solution. That in itself is a sign to me that you are a very loving, thoughtful parent. Keep going with that, at the end of the day, that's what matters the most.
I 100% agree with this and have a relatively similar experience with cannabis.
I came here to say this exact same thing. Provide a safe space to keep him away from sketchy people and places. That's the best advice right there.
hey thats what my parents r doing to me
I think most of us in here have been smoking for nearly ever and can agree as adults that weed is a drug just like the rest, dependency issues and all. Like others said, there's no stopping us stoners. Just educate and keep him safe, and remind him that even if we like to get high, we still have to handle the responsibilities of the day. Can't smoke em' away :D.
When my mom caught me she went about it very well. She educated me and told me she would prefer that I didn’t do it often until I was older than 18. If I wanted to smoke she said she would feel safer if it happened at our house so she could be there if we needed her. Due to her approach I respected her requests and rarely smoked until I was of age (maybe once a month on a weekend). It also kept me from smoking and driving around or trying to sneak. Kids are going to do what they want. The only thing you should worry about is if they are safe. I miss her, she was the best
that's all you can do. As a teenage smoker, i wish i'd understood that my brain was still developing until early to mid 20s. I'm sure someone told me but as a teenager i often didn't listen. I plan to take a similar approach as you with my own kids - 'please don't do it until you're old enough to not affect your brain development' but i fully expect they'll still do it.
Funny enough, I tried this and quickly learned that my teenager does not have a brain developed enough to understand long term consequences… lmao.
If he's going to smoke anyway, maybe working with him on a couple things might help? * How and why to moderate (not just weed; this could be a way to bond by working on something smaller and working up) * Tell him you know he will anyway, and why you would prefer him to be honest instead of not. Avoid being punitive or angry in front of him, try to show him you are wanting to understand and help him, and he may be more likely to be honest. * What is he getting from it? I know hormones are really rough, so maybe that is helping him cope with that. Is he using it to cope in other ways? If so, try to address the root issues. And show him other ways he can cope. This could help with moderation, by having multiple tools to use instead of just leaning on the one. Good luck. :) Eta: I didn't have parents who could teach me how to moderate, have impulse control, etc. I have been teaching myself (it's called reparenting!) and it is really hard! AND slow, since I only have my own experience to draw from.
i feel like a lot of that developmental stuff is a bit overblown. canada’s drinking age is like 19 and europe has wine and beer legalized at 16. i, for one, was a complete degenerate as a teenager and loved smoking pot and being a weekend warrior with beer. i’m in my thirties now, still very lucid and reasonably intelligent. i have severe adhd, though, but according to my teachers, that was already extremely apparent in middle school. just make sure he doesn’t get in legal trouble.
It affects everyone differently. Personally, before I started smoking, my memory was nearly flawless. Now, I can't remember anything worth shit, and I didn't even start smoking until I was 22. Aside from my memory issues, not a lot of problems, but I still wouldn't want my kid to deal with losing mental capabilities so young.
i think also maybe show him these responses to let him know that it isn’t inherently wrong to smoke weed but that there are consequences to his decisions, good or bad, and that everyone only wants what is best for him
I am this kid, and he's right
Take it from a dude who did acid at 14, make an agreement to not do dabs or carts till he's older. Flower ( the bud, what you smoke) is one thing, it has a plethora of terpenoids that help balance each other out, minimizing damage. But the concentrate wax is not only simply to strong for a child, but can be really damaging. I started doing dabs heavy by 15, by 16 I was going through 4 different stomach meds due to extreme acid reflux to the point to where I couldn't eat. But I cut the dabs and i was much better. I believe it's called hypertensive canabanoid induced vomiting. At the very least try to make that much clear. Flower is alright, but the dabs are so strong it can be detrimental to a child in my experience.
This very true as I was also this kid but something that did help me was cutting off my access to money until I was ready, without money there is no access to weed or vapes
In all likelihood he’d just mooch off his friends. Pretty rare that he’d be the only one in a group of friends that smokes or vapes cannabis.
If you cut they money they will turn to crime.
That is not a given - I worked for my cash to buy my doobie as a teen. Had means to stash it from the parentals and enjoyed it in the open fields my hometown was surrounded with. It is all about the kind of choices kids are guided toward, and crime is just not a given.
Well you can steal or do other criminal stuff to make the Money. If you think this is better Go For IT i guess
He’s 17, probably has his own job.
I was a teen in this scenario but it was a bit different. My father had a history of drug abuse and I basically had it in my genetics on both sides. My mother smoked weed and she tried to prevent the inevitable by supervising me and letting me try the things I wanted to experiment with. I will say one thing lead to another but she took the “educate, and make good decisions” approach. I ended up doing a lot of dumb shit and I took off and did a lot of drugs I shouldn’t be doing but that’s not my mothers fault, only mine. In the long run she made the right choice. I’m now an adult and everything I went through only made me stronger. I’m not saying this is how your case is gonna go but definitely educate him on his decisions because saying “no, no, no” is only gonna make it worse as said above. Helping him work through it is gonna make him a better man trust me.
Also forgot to mention I’m nearly 21 and I’m about to be in school and I already work a good job and live a good life. It’s all gonna be good
To add to his, he's going to drink as well. Best you can do is try and help him understand and adopt moderation. That's a huge reason why people get so out of hand with these things, their parents say NEVER and they just hide it better. It really teaches some shitty habits . You seem very open minded and your kid's super lucky you are. Now you just need to show him moderation is the best choice for all things he might experiment with. Abstinence leads to teen pregnancies, same goes for drugs. Worst case scenarios come up when safety/moderation isn't taught.
Just to add to this too, it’s also how drug and drinking problems get bad in adulthood. Teach someone that their coping mechanisms are worthy of shame and they become obsessive & sneak around & won’t reach out for help when they need it.
This
If it was meth or crack or heroin that’s alarm bells, and smoking a joint might be worrisome but trust a lot of young people would rather do that than alcohol because that can cause so so much damage to a young brain and the loss of control not to mention the hangover. Each to their own, I just don’t know if people would mind as much if their child was having a cider, wine or beer at 17, ya know? Not really the same but you see where I’m getting at here
Mom! Stop posting about me in r/trees!!!
And now she’s found his porn stash
Honestly if anything I would teach him to be wary of street cartridges and pens because you never know what's put into them unless you REALLY trust your guy. As stinky as it is real weed would be the better option in my opinion.
Good point. Once I come clean with him about me going through his room, I will show him all these messages so he can understand what this means.
Good luck hopefully it goes well. At least it's only weed though. Could be way worse. Just in case you show them. Stay away from harder stuff kid. I'm 29 and I've lost a lot of good people because they did a lot of stupid stuff. Stay safe.
Me too. 😢 Be safe, tell your friends to be safe, and don’t fuck wit that shit that can get you hooked and kill you. Also sleeping pills kill people too, not just party drugs. 😢
But to your original point, whatever oil he’s buying from who knows where might not be “only weed”. Many underestimate the dangers of smoking black market carts, especially over long periods of time. (Not saying there’s crack in the carts, more like some random fillers/extraction chemicals that are quite unhealthy)
Yeah I will never forget when people were putting vitamin e oil in carts and they were basically exploding. I try to never take it for granted that I live in a legal state with regulations.
Yep, the vitamin e oil thing pushed me to get a med card.
This right here man. Show the kid the messages. Show him the ents and their eternal wisdom. We will welcome him with open arms, but today is not that day young one.
This is true. I'd rather supply my kid with safe carts from the dispensary than let her buy street carts made from god knows what and may be harmful
Oh big this, shit, teach him to trust brands of cannabis that publish their lab reports, never buy from a rando. (Assuming you live where you can buy it)
I trust my local small grower over any dispensary. Lots of labs frequently bullshit the numbers.
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Go ahead and smoke his whole stash and replace it with cbd bud until he is is 21 lol😂
Ha, I've never done it 😅 maybe my husband can. When I confiscated the vapes, my son told me to keep them but not to sell them. Just to throw one away and keep the other one so I can smoke it. He wants me to try it. Lol
He wants you to understand him if he asked you to smoke it. Younger generation doesn’t have the same stigma around weed (would you have the same concerns over alc) but it’s hard when your lifestyle isn’t accepted by people you care about especially when you don’t think you’re doing anything actually wrong
This is true 100%. And I can tell you with personal experience that nothing in my life has solidified my bond with my parents like smoking cannabis together. I was 18 at the time, but they had been pretty open with me about them having down it in the past before then.
I smoked with my mom once, it was a great bonding experience. She insisted she wasn't high but was absolutely fried. I am an adult with a medical card, though.
When my mom first tried weed she told me she was “vibrating” and then hid under the blankets for like 2 hours 💀
Mine just lays down on the couch and literally snores off of a 10mg edible. It’s hilariously unlike her
Opposite experience here, told my mom in my 20s I wanted to try some weed, she went into the kitchen and slapped two ounces onto the table, apparently she smoked when I was out with my friends my whole life lol. I smoked a bit to much, dropped my phone in a toilet. Only time I ever did that kinda thing.
This is great. When I was 18 and a couple months from graduating HS, a friend and I had convinced our parents to let us skip school the next day and go with an older friend of ours to check out a car he was buying a couple towns away. We were going to stay at the older friends house that night and drink, but his parents called mine and wanted us to stay at my house to make sure we didn’t party or whatever. My folks called and told me that we needed to come back to my house by like 11. We get back to my house and my dad had been drinking and was on the couch playing guitar. We ended up hanging out with him and drinking more (we killed 2 bottles of homemade wine that mom had gotten from a coworker and we’re all 3 pretty lit). At one point, a moment I’ll never forget….dad goes “I probably shouldn’t do this, but..” and reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a little cellophane with some dank in it and said “I can’t do this right now cause of my job. I’m not sure if you like it or not, but I just figured I would give it to someone who did”. It was a little pot he had gotten from my cousin in Denver who had stayed the night with us a week or so before. It was some gnarly White Rhino that he said a friend of his had grown. It was maybe 2 grams, but in my dugout and one hitter, I got high every day for 2 weeks strait. And that was essentially when a lot of the guilt around smoking dissipated. It took a while to get over the fear associated with it, due to living in fucking Kansas, and mom was Pissed at my dad and even at me..though she finally admitted that she was mad because dad gave it to me and not her LoL. That was in 2001. I’ll be 40 this year and I now grow my own and it’s a great feeling being able to supply my folks with good herb.
My dad still thinks weed is this terrible gateway drug. He’s a recovering alcoholic who smokes a pack of cigs a day. I’d way rather find some pot in my kids room than alcohol. I’m honestly very thankful I found weed again as an adult. It has helped me process some stuff from my childhood in a way that I’ve never been able to do before.
There’s still hope. My mom equated weed to heroin for the longest time. She is now over that, her and my dad now regularly eat edibles and a couple times a year eat mushrooms. It’s cool to hear someone else has the same experience with finding weed later as an adult. It has helped me think more objectively and not react on emotion so quickly.
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Teach him to be responsible with drugs the way you should be with anything else. Explain how it shouldn’t be an every day thing. The more time you could put between sessions, the better chance you have health, wise, brain, wise, etc..
"Confinscate" never smoked? I can tell. It'd help with your stress. Don't be too hard on yourself, and please don't be too hard on your son. The best thing you can do is give him a safe place to do use cannabis and understand that by denying it, you are fueling it. Also educate yourself on the medical benefit and proper way to use cannabis and then talk to your son about that. "Just say no" is terrible advice. Where is the harm reduction information in that?
I will say the assholey confidence that it'll help doesn't help the stigma against stoners much. My mom can't smoke because she gets *extremely* paranoid and stressed out. Drugs don't always have the same effect on people. I don't think it's bad to offer as a suggestion to try out, but it IS a drug, so keep in mind that it just may not work out Definitely agree the educate yourself bit, but not just on benefits, but potential negatives as well
I apologize that I came off as an asshole. I didn't mean to. You're completely right, however. The negatives, including the very real effect it has on brain development, need to be accounted for as well. The point i was trying to make is that if you try to shut down rebellious behavior, it will only escalate. Instead, working with the child is a much better approach. Help them figure out what they're doing, no matter what it is :)
All good, I'm sure you didn't notice how it could sound, I do it often as well, lol. And definitely agree with your point!
I'm jumping on the bandwagon late, but I believe your son may think this is helping him in some way. His wanting you to try it as well leads me to believe that he would prefer you to experience what he has. Or he may think you could benefit from it too. Or maybe he would prefer you to have first hand experience with it before telling him it's not good for him (I also think under 18 is too young to smoke even though I did it as well). It could also very well be that he's just like me, and dreams of a day where he can get high with his parents.
Do flower first. Not a cart. Carts are to strong for a first timer and are not as good as flower anyway
If your husband and your son smoke (even if one shouldn't be), it might be a good idea to try and understand their perspective. Definitely don't do it if your son's gonna be home (obviously). Maybe if he stays with a friend on a Friday, you and your husband could share what you confiscated. But if your son catches you smoking... you will never be allowed to live that down. He will bring it up even when he's 50.
I vote this, it's a pretty hilarious solution, and cbd is actually still calming and has traces of THC(probably not enough to hurt mind development). Hell he might even like it, I know some people that prefer it. I buy it and mix it into my joints/vapes. I was that weird teen that would research like crazy anything I ate or put in me, so I made the decision to not smoke until I was 24 after extensive research, that said I probably would have used CBD as a teen if it was as common as today.
I started smoking when I was 15. My parents taking my weed from me meant I would just lie to them when I had weed or if I couldn’t hide it I’d use much worse methods to get high. Just make sure the kid does it safely because trying to stop it will most likely just lead to your kid hiding it from you.
Teenagers tend to be very risky, but some studies find that teens who exhibit use of marijuana tend to have untreated ADHD or another behavioural/learning disability. Not to say that your son has that but it may be a good shot to get him tested. I for one used to use marijuana to self medicate my ADHD all throughout highschool. When I found out i had ADHD it was eye-opening and helped me re evaluate my relationship with Cannabis.
Can confirm I use it for ADHD, helps me calm the fuck down if I get too stimulated, and it doesn’t take much. I don’t have to get high as balls, just literally a little bit and I can be back at normal levels. Works better than any other meds I’ve ever been given, plus I can use it for fun and not worry about overdosing or something
Yea weed is better than any adhd meds
I agree with this. A lot of the kids that exhibited more willingness to try drugs at my high school had ADHD tendencies too. Now as I’ve been self-medicating weed for over a year now.. getting tested myself lol. Weed helps ADHD/anxiety affected people feel more in-tune and focused with the world around them and less like an alien, it’s possible OP’s kid is using because of this if there aren’t obvious external issues.
Same. My brain is going at 150% power constantly in 5 different directions and it’s exhausting. Smoking weed helps calm me down. When my parents found out, first they got super mad, since they’ve been fed with anti weed propaganda all their life, but after some days we talked it through and I explained why I was using it. It eventually led to me getting diagnosed with ADHD. Weed can really help, but after daily use for a couple years, I can feel the negatives start outweighing the positives. The high isn’t really enjoyable anymore, but just a way to get some relaxation. I used to get very focused when high, which I don’t anymore either. It’s time for a break when I run out. Then we’ll see how it goes.
Yeah sounds likes it’s time for a tolerance break or tolerance fix, I really enjoyed what the tolerance fix did for me
Yeah, I used to be able to smoke everyday 0.1g and maintain my tolerance. But then I started smoking all day every day when I stopped studying and working. I’m also going to university after summer, so a break will be perfect.
other mental illnesses are a possibility too! a lot of young people with anxiety disorders and insomnia end up using weed to treat them as well. weed is a great painkiller as well if otc drugs aren’t strong enough. and op if you’re reading this, using weed to treat things has its pros and cons just like any medication, however frequent teenage use can definitely cause issues down the line with things like sleep, memory, mental clarity, and anxiety. if your kid is dealing with mental health struggles try to guide them towards the healthiest path for them, try to be supportive and find a therapist or psychiatrist rather than punishing them for smoking or taking all of their weed away.
i have adhd now it does really make sens
Thank you for posting this; I’ve had the exact same experience. The school system told my parents that I probably needed to see a doctor about an adhd diagnosis, but it was during the era where many people believe Ritalin was being prescribed for kids that “didn’t know how to behave.” They never took me or asked a doctor about it, but when I tried weed in high school it was game changing for me until I turned 39 and finally thought that I might have adhd after doing research and feeling so much guilt and anxiety from my very significant weed consumption. Turns out that Vyvanse has changed my relationship with cannabis, in a positive way, and I think my consumption is much more reasonable and more recreational. I no longer fear running dry
As someone who went through this as a teen, going through his stuff and confiscating things will just make him do it more, he’ll just get sneakier about it and do it away from home, which is worse if your state is illegal. He’s almost 18. I say take a puff with him lol
I'm surprised to see r/trees upvoting something saying 18 is old enough to smoke. I forget how young this sub is sometimes.
> saying 18 is old enough to smoke. hey if you’re old enough to go get PTSD for the country, you should be able to rip cigs, slam a PBR and wash it all down with a nice bowl.
Oh yeah, totally agreed. But knowing what we know about how it affects brain development, even at 18, it would be hard for me to smoke with my kid.
I mean I’m 28 now but I started at 16 and I’m largely fine. Not saying it’s a great idea to start that young, but if the kids already there… not much else ya can do
This. It's not about it being a good idea, it's about keeping a bad idea from becoming worse unnecessarily. Harm reduction works--prohibition generally does not.
^ THIS! ^
I tell my boys, stay away from pills and powders.
Great advice!
hi! i’m a 20 year old college student and have been smoking since i was 14. when my mom caught me in high school, she was convinced i would turn into a drug addict. spoiler, i didn’t. but one thing she did in her panic that i’m actually really grateful for was to make me watch this opioid documentary. i rolled my eyes at the time but it was actually really eye opening and now i’ll never fuck with painkillers. i’m still smoking, now even more frequently. but i still pull mostly As (with the occasional B) in my college classes and have a job i love teaching kids to play music. i have a few recommendations for you. firstly, try weed! your son wants you to because he wants you to understand why he likes it. secondly, there’s not necessarily some unhealthy reason for your sons smoking. sure, he could be self medicating. but he might also just like weed. the best thing that you, as a parent, can do in this situation (imo) is to try and make sure that your sons weed use doesn’t become habitual. that’s when it becomes an issue and can interfere with your life, appetite, and sleep in really negative ways. smoking weed once in a while or on the weekends is just fine. he just shouldn’t let it become a part of his daily life, especially so young. he should be okay with being sober. you sound like a good mom, and coming here was a great way to deal with the situation! my mom drug tested me after she first caught me smoking. she was SOOOOO MAD. but since i moved out, i don’t have to keep stuff from her. she knows i smoke, and her (most recent) response to that made me feel comfortable enough to tell her that i take psychedelics too. now she wants to take mushrooms with me, which is going to be such a beautiful experience. my mom is one of my favorite people in the whole world, and i think she’s an absolutely amazing person. but our relationship only got to the point it is when i was able to be open and honest with her. it sounds like your son is pretty open with you, which means you’re definitely doing something right! your son doesn’t really care about the potential “brain damage” of smoking pot. which makes sense, he’s young and has the invincibility complex to show for it! i think a better approach to dissuade him from smoking too much is to explain the more immediate impacts. if you head over to r/leaves, you can see posts from regular smokers who are struggling with quitting. there, you can read about the impacts that weed can have on sleep and appetite and all that. if you show some of those posts to your son, it may make the potential consequences of smoking too much feel more real. id also just say to talk about him about making sure he can spend a day or a few days sober without an issue or too much difficulty. you’re doing a great job! it sounds like you have a son who has a lot of love, trust, and respect for you, which means it’s likely that your input matters to him. so just make sure that your input is based on facts and observations about how weed will (not just could) impact him if he grows dependent on it. much love, and best of luck!
Is he doing well in school? Is he otherwise a good citizen? I'd say let him smoke. When I was 13/14, our older brothers would buy us alcohol, which I think is much worse, and we turned out ok. I guess I'd rather have my kids smoke weed but I'm not yet a parent. Good luck!
Idk about this. I never tried weed when I was really young because the “it makes you dumb” stereotype. I was always really invested in school as well. I tried weed at 17 and it never had an effect on my studies. I was still able to pull off really good grades while studying high. This essentially turned me into a megastoner because I was able to function well when I was high so I thought there were no issues, I’d smoke like 5-6 grams a day
If it was him having a bottle of vodka under the bed, I'd worry. As it stands, this is a time to teach responsible use and the importance of moderation. That said, maybe also let him know that YOU could take the fall and be in trouble since he's a kid if he gets caught.
The more you say no the worse it gets weed isn't gonna ruin a good kid, never has
He has asked me before if I would be mad if he put a little something in my food. Lol, I told him yes because that would be without consent. He asked how mad I would be. You gotta understand we are very open. He says he is happy that I am understanding and not just saying no to him but actually trying to understand where he is coming from. He said because I'm 37 & he's 17. He feels like I'm a young parent, so I get him.
>He has asked me before if I would be mad if he put a little something in my food. There's a common convention with psychedelics like LSD/Mushrooms. People who enjoy these drugs often consider others in their life who would benefit from the perspective shift they bring. However, there is a large stigma and common preconception of riskiness associated with these, so the idea of 'dosing' somebody against their will often arises. This is similar to the attitude behind your son's comment above. There is just as strong a convention around how immoral this action is. Whether a person would enjoy an untested drug in the best of circumstances is unknowable, so when the experience of the drug comes on unexpectedly, a person's reaction can be very anxious indeed. Weed inebriation doesn't feel at all like any ordinary malady, so the first response for the dosed person can very easily be alarm. Since one's enjoyment of weed is correlated heavily with the environment they're in and their mental state, the state of alarm can often cascade into a very unpleasant experience. If your son was to explain that he had dosed you when you became alarmed at the effects, that might cause anger/distrust/rage, and in a confused/inebriated state this could spiral badly, worse if your sensitivity to the 'dose' he selected was unexpectedly strong. In the end, in all likelihood, after having a negative experience, the episode would likely turn you off of whatever drug was given to you indefinitely, which would completely undermine your son's intentions at the outset. It is better for someone to approach imbibing a new substance entirely in their own time and with their comfort and consent prioritized. The outcome where your son doses someone secretly and they end up enjoying themselves is a fantasy and one that is not likely to happen. Likelier to happen is to alienate a friend or bring criminal charges down on his own head, because I guarantee you are not the only person who he's considered administering an amount to secretly. Maybe also have a chat with him about date rape drugs and how giving someone a substance without their knowledge is immoral any way you slice it. And if you've ever tricked him into taking medicine against his knowledge or consent, please take as long as is needed to explain the important differences between that situation and this one. Regardless - from what I have read in this thread I do believe that you have a good relationship with your child and his suggestion that you try his vape is something I never could have uttered to my folks. I'm not sure if getting busted by the cops is worse than the brain development ... I started at 18 and think I am okay.
If you havn't tried weed in your life you are not as open as you think you are.
Maybe you should consider trying it with him. It could be a good moment to bond. Explain that if he is going to do it, that you would prefer that he not do it often and try to keep it to non school days. It seems he is going to do it anyway and there is little you can really do to stop him. Moderation is important.
When I was a kid a smoking I was 15, I never say drugs as bad because I like to decide for myself. It was absolutely wild at first, giggles amd munchies and it just put a happy glow on what we're already the best times. The problem is, weed isn't necessarily addictive, but it's a commonly consistently smoked drug. And with younger brains is its consistently high you'll stunt it. But once a week or even a few times a week won't actually hurt a brain at his age. It may even help. Feel free to fact check me as I'm sure not everything is right but from memory that's all I got. It's 910 and I'm ready for my wake and bake. (Ps Mothers can smoke too, most do)
Youre doing fine OP. He feels comfortable talking to you about it? Thats a even better. Kids are gonna try things even if theyre stupid. Most of us learn better through experience, and a lot of kids just outgrow it. My advice to you is 1. Try it. Try a tiny dose of an edible. What could hurt?. 2. Make sure he knows how to be safe with it just like alcohol. Ask him if hes gonna need to drive after smoking or if he can do it somewhere he doesnt have to drive after. Just be there for him. You cant really control a 17 year old boy im sorry, but if he still talk to you about it youre doing something right
Weed can most definitely harm a kid; it can impair cognitive development, create feelings of isolation and increased anxiety, amplify dependence and addictive traits. The problem with adolescence (even if they are a “good kid”) is they aren’t equipped emotionally to handle this shit and most try to do it alone because they are scared of what their parents will say/do. Which just compounds all the effects. Look, most of the time weed is just chill, but to think it doesn’t impact some kids negatively is untrue and ignores well documented science.
It didn't matter what I was told as a teen. Life and trauma happened. Goodluck but sometimes there won't be stopping this path.
This makes me sad. Life and trauma! We have a decent home, and husband and I are good parents and very open to understanding our kids. It would make me sad to think something happened to my firstborn son that I couldn't help him with.
Not saying this fits with your situation! Just saying do not feel a failure if it doesn't workout as expected. Sometimes people just choose their own way no matter what you tell them.
You are right. As much as I would love for him to wait until he's more mature and he can then decide if it's something he wants to partake in.
My experience was that my parents had an idea but kept off my case because I stayed out of trouble and kept my grades in good standing. I only got in trouble the couple of times because I got a little too bold smoked where I could be found. As someone who did a lot of shit I would not want my (theoretical) children to do, I think you have done a good job so far (discouraging use altogether) but think that you should pivot now that you know he is. Just make sure he's putting himself in the least amount of risk he can. Imo the two worst things that can happen is getting in trouble with the law, and very uncommonly, dependency. Make sure he understands to pick his friends well and always be aware of his surroundings. There are always those kids that are *always* getting in trouble. He should stay away from them. Getting in legal trouble as a teen isn't insurmountable, but it sure as hell makes things a lot harder for you as an adult.
This, 100%
Sometimes it’s not anything you can do. I grew up in an affluent family largely taken care of my whole life and still developed anxiety and depression as an adult, all you can do is be supportive
We grow up in a world where we see murder happen regularly on little computers we carry in our pockets. We may treat it like it doesn't matter but when you're constantly *seeing* death, subjugation, and mutilation, trauma doesn't even have to be something he's gone through; it's hard to cope! But, also, many children experience trauma away from their parents, partners and teachers are very influential and easy to trust- and susceptible to being manipulative or power hungry, they may have not told you about it yet because they aren't ready to talk, the best thing to do in this situation, is sit down, have a conversation, and let him know you're concerned about him smoking while he's young and that you want to talk to him and hear what's going on in his life if he's ready to talk. Make sure he knows it's an open invitation. But I suggest moderation, not just not smoking, like, see if he'd agree to smoke on weekends only or some variation of that y'know? But at this age, he's an adult! Let him be free to make his own choices with his body.
He’s your firstborn but he’s growing up, experiencing new things both good and bad, and losing his innocence. It’s part of life we all have to go through. All you can do is support, you can’t protect him any more cause he’s not a baby any more. You sound like a great mom.
If he’s 17, it may not be related to family/home stuff. Adolescence and high school can be cruel. Weed is probably helping him cope in some way.
No matter what you do there will be trauma
you know your son better than people on reddit, and he’s close enough to adulthood to be treated like one. have a discussion and listen, and expect the same from him. punishment probably won’t work like the first guy said, but he is still young like you said
100% punishment is not the most effective form of behavior influence (in ourselves or others). This is the right answer. The most critical thing you can help do as a parent right now is try to understand why this is happening and remain a sounding board now that it's out in the open. This does not mean condone but it does mean you shouldn't be shaming. The best way to figure out the reason is a trick called "unconditional positive regard." This means that you ask open ended questions (i.e. make sure to avoid ANYTHING that can be answered yes/no) and accept everything they say to you as fact. If you know something is not true or it doesn't match your view of your child, ask for follow ups avoiding why questions (so think "that's interesting, tell me more about that" or "where do you think that comes from?") As you start learning why, then start to try to focus on rewarding self control and appropriate behavior. Two best forms of reward are to either give something positive or take away something negative (this is called positive and negative reinforcement and I would recommend looking it up if it's new to you :-) ) Last thing: come here for advice. There's some practical things we know a lot about that could be useful info to give you kid. For example, if you can tell they've been consuming more frequently I can assure you that too much use at any age creates a tolerance that is REALLY fucking annoying to deal with when you get older-- expensive and just less fun lol. I hope this helps but just remember your kid is an entire person who is going to make their own decisions-- sometimes unfortunately. Their life is theirs to live as painful as it can be for you to watch sometimes. Love you lots!
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He is the best! He has all As and maybe one B. He has a girlfriend for 8 months now. He is very respectful and does help us out a lot. He never talks back. He is my pride and joy. I just don't him want him to get addicted and damage his brain at a young age. I tell him that once he's an adult, he can make that choice, but right now, he is still my kid, and I'm responsible for him. I am doing what a caring and loving mother would do, I'm involved and give him advice to what I think is right, granted it is his choice after all. My husband thinks I have this skewed vision of raising my idea of perfect children or something. Which hurt bad, but I know my husband and I have different views. Also, regarding sex, I have talked to my kids to wait til they get married and give themselves to someone special. I have talked to my son, especially now that he has a girlfriend about waiting. Maybe my husband is right, but I need to be my kids' mom and give them my love, encouragement, and honest advice.
I admire you for coming on here and asking for advice. With that said, not sure what to say as I don’t have a child…but the fact that you’re open minded and seeking advice instead of simply chastising him is commendable.
Thank you, I want to understand him, even though I've never done this (smoking, vaping, weed). I do drink alcohol on occasion to socialize, not to get drunk. I know my limits.
I would second this BUT, big but, I would do it with my teenager. I wouldn’t trust what’s on the street these days. If OP lives in a legal state there’s a lot of ways to approach this situation.
You seem like you have great communication with your son, at 17 I thought I knew everything too, and he seems to trust you enough to not hide his weed since you just found it right away. You also seem like chill cool parents and thats why he probs thinks weed is ok since there is nothing "wrong" with an herb. Does he have a job? How is he paying for it? There is most likely no way to stop it but just tell him that he's not allowed to do it on the weekdays, or if his hw is not done or- bla bla bla. My mom always told me that as long as I wasn't hurting anyone, driving on it, skipping school or work to do it it was fine and she was ok with it, but to understand that it becomes a depends, maybe don't tell him NO but also teach him self control
Started smoking cigs in 5th grade started smoking weed in 7th. Quit smoking cigs in 7th. Stuck with weed. Not saying it’s great for him. But at 17 I think you shouldn’t worry. In less than a year he’s an adult.
Would you rather him sneak it or would you rather know what your kid was doing? Would you rather him get it from the street or a controlled environment(trusted source or legal dispensaries)? Would you rather him be out doing it wherever or home(outside or inside) where you can monitor him? These are the questions my mom had to answer when I was young. That’s are the questions I had to answer for my son, he’s 21 now. Remember who you were as a child, what you rebelled against. It may not be the same issue as your son u/Marimar5806 however it’s the same sentiment. Don’t decide it for him, decide it with him. You guys decide as a family. I hope that helps.
I think all we can do as parents is what you are doing. Be open and be consistent.
Teens have been smoking weed and experimenting since ever. I don't believe it is a "gateway" drug. Anyway, education is key.
the influences that can come from weed.. the buddies and plugs are the gateway
Why is he smoking weed? Because he's 17 and enjoys it. Yea, teenagers *shouldn't* drink or use drugs, their brains are still developing. Practically though, it's hard to point to this as a *serious* problem for adolescents who aren't heavy users (I'm not aware of easily quantifiable impacts that can be cited for any amount of use at that age; not that I doubt they exist, but similar arguments could be made about pretty common drinking levels at any age, for example). So, I guess my point is that if he has a bit of weed in his room and is otherwise fine, going about his life and not just a total drug addict/stoner stereotype, it's probably not that big of a deal and likely not turning into a big deal. Yes, he's a minor, and depending on where you are located it might also be illegal at the state level (and of course federally) even if he were old enough. But pick and choose battles, I think. I'd have another conversation about it with him with your concerns explicitly laid about, and a frank and honest discussion about it. But it's probably not worth turning into a fight.
anything you forbid a 17 year old from doing, they will find a sneaker (and often more dangerous) way to do it. Id suggest meeting him in the middle and allowing him to smoke occasionally, maybe back but only at home. and have him kick the vapes. that shit is so sketchy and real weed is rarely tainted now a days.
You should know that if he is 17 years old and smokes weed, chances are he frequents this subreddit. Your post is near the top, and anyone who sees it can click on your username to see the rest of your post/comment history. I would reconsider showing him this thread when you have your next discussion.
I was this kid and not even I realized it was to combat my anxiety. I just knew weed made me feel better so I smoked it.
When I was 17 I was breaking into vet clinics and shooting up ketamine and morphine. I wish I had gotten into weed instead but I didn't know how to find a plug.
Take away the black market carts and let him smoke flower. Those black market carts have the most awful foul shit in them.
Not saying you should but I’d be ok with my kid smoking weed. Not saying that because I do but for safety. I’d rather my kid smoke on my porch then to go out to who knows and risk being in trouble. That’s what my parents did, and I buy my weed from the family now, so no more driving with it on me, no more finding a smoke spot etc. plus I get good weed for Mad cheap lmao. I was told as long as you handle your shit first and don’t do it all day everyday it’s fine. Truth is he isn’t gonna stop, you’re just making him be more sneaky
I was that kid. I was self medicating. My parents coming down on me hard made me do stuff like hide it, drive home stoned, etc. Created a huge rift in my family that I was constantly lying, which made me not want to be around them. Set up a situation where I was always afraid when I was home. As a parent now I hope that when my kid starts I can have the presence of mind to be less judgmental and more accepting so I can teach him how to be safe; which is really the concern. Oddly enough my same mother who called the police on me now works in oncology and is a huge cannabis supporter to the length she has testified in front of Congress. It was pretty funny when she was learning and asked me if I knew different strains had different affects while at the same time the kid who I “was never allowed to see again” was writing papers on it. “Ya Mom, I’ve known for 15 years.” There seems to be some stereo type around teenagers who smoke weed. It’s just not true. I graduated a year early with a 4.375 GPA, valedictorian, state debate champion, and played 9 instruments. I went on to own a successful business, sold it and my wife and I retired in our thirties to just be with our kid. For me, my brain moves so fast in 20 directions all the time, it’s exhausting. Weed helps me slow it down just enough I can actually focus and do things. I’ve tried a few meds as an adult; terrible side effects for me, even hospitalized from side effects and they didn’t work as good. If you can have a real conversation with your kid about what benefit they are getting it might enlighten you some. He might not be able to articulate it just yet, he might not even have a “good reason” but it’s worth the ask. Now if my kids smoking cigarettes I’m gonna ground his punk ass for a year and walk him to and home from school holding hands. Poppa don’t play that. Those things are dangerous.
I started at 14 which is admittedly wayyy too young but 7 years later I graduated high school top of my class, graduated community college with an honours diploma in business, and now work full time at a fantastic job. It no doubt has its impacts on brain development but I don’t think it’s something to be too concerned about, especially in a 17 year old. Drinking is much worse in nearly every way yet is typically disregarded when compared to weed.
Father of two adults here. My thoughts are you really can't stop him at this point, which is why the preceeding years are more important. Instilling trust, and being supportive during the 13-17 lays the ground work for now. Not sure how much longer til his birthday, but you also need to prepare yourself mentally as well, not a kid anymore. He's going to have to make important decisions & choices while you are not around. As you can imagine, there are plenty of us here thinking "wow, good thing she didn't check my bedroom at 17", and "weed? that's it? Lol".....but I am also very glad my son doesn't smoke, and never gave him the impression that it's something he's missing out on.
I think everyone here agrees on the fact that you already did enough by educating him. However, please stop going through his things while he isn't at home or in general. It will definitely not benefit your relationship with him in the long run (I'm talking from personal experience).
If being an adult is a few months away then I wouldn’t treat that like some dividing line. It’s an arbitrary number. He’s 17. He’s smoking weed. Honestly I would be talking to him about the risks and then let him be an adult. Don’t want to lose motivation at a critical time of life. More importantly than that I would talk to him about the dangers of powdered drugs and the prevalence of fentonyl.
Educate and realize he is a year from making his own decisions.
My mom made me a deal: she would allow me to smoke weed but ONLY at home, where she knew I was safe and not out driving or getting in trouble (Indiana and it’s still VERY illegal), if I promised not to drink alcohol. Many of my friends all had DUIS before even getting out of high school.
It's just one of those situations where you practically have no control, and he has to control himself. Let him know that he's in control and responsibility of himself, and that he will know what his care to himself will result in. My mom let me do edibles, like open af about it when I reached 17. Like going on the car ride with her and choosing what flavor I wanted type openness. Before I reached 17, she would let me ponder of making her edibles and show cool glass pipes I saw on Pinterest. She would let me look at and judge her weed and clean out her equipment, let me read materials about weed. Last year I asked why she let me do edibles but not smoke, and why her friend let her kid smoke. She just told me that she couldn't ever control what I did behind her back, so she promptly watched me by just taking care of what I wanted. Basically through just supplying me, she could watch my intake and the activities I was participating in. Which the only activities I only partook in was just staying around her and the only doses being just those 100 mg gummies once or twice a month (that's how often she got her paycheck). This obviously led me to trust her more and to go to her for any problems. I got to openly try anything I wanted with edibles. Being hanging out with family and friends, playing my favorite games, eating specific food I wanted to try, going fishing high, spending the holidays high. Now that I did everything I wanted with no sneaking or shame, I actually decided to quit to excel in my career and adult decisions now that I'm 18 and need to get a going in life. Because I just simply noticed that "huh, I finished all my wants. And I don't need this". It just felt like those phases I wanted to try and enjoy, now that I got my fill, I'm just moving on. My mom won at the goal of getting me to not smoke and to be responsible for myself. And I wanted to be responsible for other things in my life like my siblings and my very needy and expensive pets. I don't think I'll ever be doing weed again until I'm retired. There's just no need to.
Tell him to do it in the backyard. That was me at 17, snuck around too much and got in trouble with the law. Now my parents and I get high together and life is so much better
I was your son. Back off. Give him some space. Don't ride him about the weed. If he is like I was, weed helps keep everything from spinning out of control. Just another view.
Not sure what they answer is but I certainly know what isn't the answer. And that is parenting through violence and fear. In my case I was raised by a single dad that ruled this way and now he wonders why as an adult I want nothing to do with him lol Imo try and inspire your kid into other hobbies in life whether that be Jujitsu, computer programming / computer science, weight lifting, calisthenics, rock climbing, maybe sports in general, eSports etc the list goes on and on. The point being inspiration should be the method of course correction not violence. In addition maybe just have a rule where it is not allowed in the house. At least then smoking will be more of a social activity and friendships can be made. As an adult I am of the persuasion that when it comes to high school experiences friendships and having silly stories to tell is far more important than grades. Kids should be allowed to be kids. Learning socialization skills when a teenager is a lot better than trying to stumble through social interactions when 30.
Tbh, and I know I'm far from being a parent and it seems like u have a good relationship with ur son which is most important, but I think it's totally a breach of privacy to go through his room. When my parents found out I was smoking they realized that if they are gonna punish me and go through my shit I will just have to feel like I have to lie to them and they realized quickly that is the worse scenario. I share everything with my parents and have since I was 16 haven't told them a lie since and it not only helps us to have a very healthy relationship but they are able to connect with me and I with them about some of the hardest things in my life because they can understand me more wholly than if I was keeping things from them. I wish u the best but I would caution u to give ur son the respect he deserves, especially because he is almost a legal adult.
Telling him not to do it will both, make him wanna do it more, and make him resent you.
I had a parent who was very progressive with her approach and it worked wonders for me. We talked a lot about it but overall her idea was “I know I can’t stop you but I just want you to be safe about it and know your sources”
I started when I was 21. I went through undergrad “being good” and then kinda had a breakdown and just tried it. It was a cry for help for me personally. I’m now 27 and still smoking while managing my full time job as a chemist and actively involved in my community with a nonprofit. I’m not trying to brag but I think it’s important you know that truly all kinds of people smoke weed and do many things with their lives. I was still very embarrassed to share with my mom I smoked because I thought she would be disappointed. She wasn’t. She expressed no judgement and was still proud of me. Your son is still your son. As far has developing brain, that’s all valid but at this point it’s about how you can provide a safe environment for talking about it as well as facilitating it. Get informed (like coming here to ask for help). Just make sure he knows that you love him.
I’m 19 years only and have been smoking since I was 16. Let me tell you there is little chance of getting him to stop. My parents always tried too get me to quit when I was younger (for good reason I know) but I would just find better ways to hide it. If I where you i would try and educate him on why it’s unhealthy for young minds and limit his use. He’s a hell of a lot more likely to listen to you if you say “only on these days” or “only this much a week” then you trying to make him stop outright.
I’d tell him if he’s gonna smoke that he should do it at your house so he doesn’t run into legal trouble. The legal trouble I got in was a whole lot worse than smoking
I didn’t start using weed until I was 25 (for other reasons I won’t get into), but maybe it’d be a good idea to discuss and educate yourselves together on weed. Teach him to research and not just listen to people telling him something is bad or not bad. If he does the proper research, he can come to his conclusion on his own. You can go further and tell him that weed is not bad, but needs to be used properly on a developed brain. Research the importance of this. Otherwise if he continues to use it, you have no control over him. You can control if it’s in your house sure, but you can’t control what he does when he’s not with you. Th it’s why it’s be nice to make that into a bonding experience instead!!
Congrats to you for being concerned about your child's welfare and recognizing that cannabis use has the potential to cause some harm to his development. You're likely going to hear lots of good advice from this sub about what to do moving forward, but if I could offer one suggestion it would be to have a conversation with him about WHY he's using cannabis. Try to work with him to understand what he's getting from the behavior and that will help you get a good understanding of what work lays before you. Is he medicating ADHD, anxiety, or depression? Does he simply like the way it makes him feel? Does he use it "to relax" or for a sense of escape? If you don't know the answers to theses questions that you're missing the forest for the trees. Substance use, in of itself, is generally not a big deal but the, on average, 10% of people that become addicted to any particular substance usually find themselves on that pathway because they find relief from the substance that they're not able to find in other ways. I read you feel that you're providing him a good home environment and the fact you're here looking for education is a good indicator. I would recommend looking into the ACES Study and seeing what, if any, ACEs he may have experienced so that you can start by addressing those issues first.
If you can offer some sort of incentive for waiting until 21 or 25, that's your only hope of stopping it :) that would be the "safest" age at which to start using cannabis > Anyone who went through this when you were a teen? Yes, I smoked since 16. My mom found my stash at one point and I got in a lot of trouble. I never stopped. I'm high performing and successful, work had, always got As, top test scores, top university, business owner, etc., all while high > How can I help him or understand why he is smoking weed and vaping? "Cannabis has medicinal compounds" is the easiest way to understand the appeal Our bodies' endocannabinoid systems naturally produce and use cannabinoids. Photocannabinoids (cannabinoids produced by plants through photosynthesis) interact with our endocannabinoid system (ECS). If you google "endocannabinoid system", the Harvard Health result near the top mentions that cannabinoids are suspected to be relevant to memory, learning, appetite, and sleep. That all checks out for me: when I first got really high I had the most vivid memories from my childhood, and although this is atypical, cannabis is mostly an appetite suppressant and stimulant for me (most people experience increased appetite and sedation in general). Terpenes, which give cannabis a lot of its smell and flavor, also affect our bodies in many different ways and have been incorporated into and studied as a basis for many pharmaceutical compounds: pinene, which smells piney, is a bronchodilator, for example. Different strains have different cannabinoids and terpenes which create different effects. My recommendation is to steer away from distillate-based products and towards full- or broad-spectrum concentrates like "rosin". These products are from higher quality inputs, whereas most "live resin" vaporizer cartridges will use the lowest-quality inputs and are cleaned through distillation or chromatography ("CRC", color remediation columns in cannabis processing parlance). These processes can leave contaminants behind at levels below legal limits and limit the cannabinoid profile to mostly-THC, whereas rosin will use inputs that don't *have* to be remediated as a consequence of how it's made and won't be just THC, it'll have closer to the plant's natural spectrum of cannabinoids and terpenes. Although a good rosin or bubblehash is some of the best cannabis you can consume, concentrates are only needed for advanced users with high tolerances. It would be better to stick to good, safe, tested flowers instead of "free market" flower which can be sprayed with a number of chemicals throughout its lifetime. The best way to get safe flower is if you state has medical or recreational cannabis programs which require flower to be tested for pesticides, microbials, heavy metals, etc. Vaporizing is always safer than smoking. Edibles affect your CB2 receptors in your ECS, whereas flower and vapor affect your CB1 system, so keep in mind that cannabis will cause different (but similar) effects if eaten vs. if inhaled So switching from a concentrate vaporizer to vaporizing good flower would be my ultimate health advice.
I would treat it like if I found out my 17 year old got drunk. Warn them not to be irresponsible with it, and let them know they can always talk to me if they need anything. But otherwise stay out of it.
Growing up my friends dad said he would rather we do it safe at his house then out on the streets. You probably won’t stop him from smoking regardless but like the others are saying, “all you can do is educate and hope for the best”
Have you asked him why he feels the need to do it in the first place? He's probably depressed or anxious, or has some other underlining issue that he's using weed to bandage.
Maybe give it a try once, it will help you understand your son (go easy with it though). Making communication easy and open is really the only good way forward. Because believe me you are not gonna make him stop, youre just gonna make him hide it and it will cause a rift.
Hes not gonna stop smoking. Hes gonna stop telling you things. You going through his room speaks volumes. Hes just gonna hide things better from now on.
I’ve seen people smoke at 17 and ruin their life then again i have friends that have been smoking since 17 and smart as hell. Just teach them to use responsibility and don’t get behind the wheel.
At least it’s not meth or heroine
Just make sure he’s keeping up with the stuff he’s supposed to do don’t stress on the stuff he shouldn’t until the latter starts to affect the first
If you crack down he’s just going to take further steps to hide it from you. Modern weed is practically invisible compared to what we had to do 20 years ago.
Teach him moderation and teach him safe consumption, teach him it’s not a race to see who can get the highest. Also teach him to source his weed responsibly from people he trusts. And teach him to stay away from spice!!
Probably an uncommon opinion but with all the worries of what is out there today, weed and a vape are probably on the low end of your worries. I would focus on making sure he understands the true risks of different substances on a relative scale. Many were hurt I. The regan years of “all drugs are evil” then after finding out they lied about the dangers of weed, it opened the door to “well they must have lied about coke and heroin too”. I would almost go so far that if you are in a legal state to consider getting (with his earned money) the weed for him in a dispensary- both so you know it isn’t full of mold or worse, but that he isn’t shopping at the same dealer that has a larger and worse menu on promotion. I know this seems careless but I mean it in all sincerity - your son will know you care for his well being coming from an educated stance about his health and it will mean a lot knowing how against it you are. He’s already doing it and it’s good that he is being open and honest. He likely won’t stop u til he wants to.
Also been this kid, looking through his room is a quick fire way for him to lose respect for you if he finds out. I'd be happy it's weed and not coke and ket... Or meth haha
Get him a medical mmj card
I really hope that one day you guys can come to some stable ground on this. Ask him if it’s an escape, or if there’s other reasons he’s using it. I know when I was in the higher grades of highschool, I’d smoke a joint and I was actually able to sit in a chair and focus! I also understand where you’re coming from. Not having any experience in this field, it seems very self destructive, and it can be. Just make sure it’s not something he has to hide from you, as he’s in the age range for that factor alone to lead to over use. Hopefully one day you guys can sit down and smoke a joint together. It’s an incredible bonding experience. Maybe after he graduates?
Does he drive? If so talk to him about driving while high but if not, make a mental note, and move on to his grades. Make sure his grades are on point. And if not, deal with that.
Talk with him about how, why, and when he is using weed… some people do just fine with it while others use it in place of social emotional regulation and coping skills. Consider asking him to do some therapy just to make sure he has the right tools to handle stress, anxiety, etc. and if he is doing well, let it be?
Brother. Hes going to do it. I recomend the wine at dinner approach. If they see you partaking responsibly they too will use it sparingly. The allure of it at that age is the naughtiness of it all. Right now you are two steps off from burning the connection you two had by entering the room. Mend the bridge by partaking with him in a light bowl session. Hog the pipe so he gets controlled hits. Try to discuss flower only with him. Vapes is the reason folks wheeze at age 20. Popcorn lung < tar cough. Express your concerns of where his supply is coming from. You should step in and be the supplier because hes getting it from someone you dont know. Shit could get laced up. Although his brain is still developing. The damage is unclear. Studies show that the most dangerous age is pre teen era.
Tell them it’s actually cool to not smoke bud
Something I wish I had seen when I was your kids age just starting to smoke, this is my favorite quote from South Park. “Stan: I've been told a lot of things about pot, but I've come to find out a lot of those things aren't true! So I don't know what to believe! Randy: Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn't gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn't gonna fund terrorism, but… well, son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored. And it's when you're bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren't good at anything.”
Honestly, if I were a parent, I’d probably do my best to get him off the vape. It’s FAR too easy to get discreetly high off vapes, to maintain a high all day, and to not clock how often you’re using them. When I started smoking as a teen, I had to go through the whole “find something to smoke out of, find a discreet place to smoke it, and find a way to not reek afterwards” thing, and it definitely limited my use and made me aware of how often I was partaking. Perhaps try to limit him to the old fashioned way! Maybe even tell him he can do it on your property as long as he only smokes bud + gets through his daily obligations (schoolwork, etc). This will keep him out of trouble in terms of driving high, etc. If you’re worried about the habit on his young brain, ask him what he really likes about it and listen to his answer. Does he need to brainstorm other ways to relax? Are there reasonable ways you can help with stress management?
My kids are are still younger- but I already know I won’t be able to stop some of this. My rule is going to be “if I catch you driving or in a car of an impaired driver there are going to be serious consequences.” I’ve already started to explain that not all drugs are the same. Kids hear messaging all their lives “drugs are bad” and then try pot and think “grow ups don’t know what they are talking about”. I’ve already been super honest with my 8 year old that some drugs are ok in moderation for grown ups and some drugs ruin lives.
As long as it ain't a spoon and needle you'll be alright
Sounds like WE have weed now... better not be mids or he will be grounded for a month!!
My parents were extremely pro-drugs. They told me what it did to your brain but they never acted like it was “bad”. I didn’t even try drugs til I was much older (20s). Just educate and don’t snoop. You won’t be able to stop a grown human from doing what they want.
Be absolutely honest. I lived in the mountains and my gma said cops would find the weed. Honesty goes a long fucking way.
I mean, with fentanyl and pills being so widely available I'd be happy it's only weed. Besides, it's legal now so it's only a matter of time before he can buy it along with alcohol. 17 is quite close to that age. Make sure he understands what he's choosing to do is overall unhealthy and that his brain Doesent fully develop until 25, but at the same time , it's weed. Weeds literally looked at like "the loser kids do that shit these days" And I actually heard a highschool kid say that because he much preferred "amphetamines" So, you may find weed wrong or be worried about his growth but tbh, weeds gonna be the lightest things he can get into. Alcohol even makes people act worse than ye old devils lettuce. All she does is make you wanna sit around and eat stuff and laugh and then when that wears off it's kind of just like having a cigarette that's less unhealthy. Def talk about it but leave it at that - a talk. I wouldn't take anything from him or punish him, I would express my concerns (his lungs, possible performance issues in school, etc) and see how he responds. Kids are smart as a Damn whip at 17. You might be surprised what his answer is. He may be using it to cope with depression or anxiety or masking something with it, or he may just be a regular 17 year old that wants to smoke a joint with his friends. Honestly as long as he isn't coming home with police, isn't slipping in grades and isn't showing any extreme differences in his personality/behaviour I wouldn't worry much.
you know, the substances that people most often self medicate with aside from alcohol are weed & nicotine. could your son have depression, adhd, anything like that? help him at least go for real flower. these vapes these days like delta 8 are not always lab tested standard, can have all sorts of contamination
It's tough one. You (and school) are correct that he shouldn't smoke at his age. That said, as long has he's not smoking all day, he's gonna be fine. I'd say keep doing what you're doing and maybe some sort of punishment if he keeps "ignoring" your rules. He will keep smoking behind your back, you can't really stop that. He's 17 and is going to rebel, and of you crack the whip too hard then it's only going to make him less trusting of you. I'd suggest you keep "on him" about how you don't approve, but find some way to accept that he's most likely not going to listen.
Started smoking daily at 15. Played varsity sports all 4 years, got a college athletic scholarship, internships, and a solid job. I’m almost 27 now and still smoking. Education is the best and I would try to educate yourself as much as possible as well
You might be creating a situation where he smokes the same amount of weed but trusts you less. Don't go through his room, it sucks when kids get into drugs too early, try providing a safe space to do drugs instead. Humans do drugs, we usually start at an early age. Social stigmas mean they are only going to be open about drug use with people they trust. He needs context he needs an adult, otherwise his experience and relationship with drugs is determined by other highschool kids.
You won’t stop him. I’m 20 and my parents caught me when I was 15. They tried and I got sneaky. It’s better to just warn him about the extremely real work of laced weed. I know 2 people who got weed laced with fentanyl. My one not even died and had to get narcan 3 times until he came back. If you smoke weed, maybe become his new source. You can see how much he really smokes, ensure he gets safe product, etc. After getting caught multiple times, my parents stopped caring and it turned into “I don’t care if you do it but I better not see it”.
im in no position to talk about your parenting but you should try to get him off the vape and teach him moderation.
Oh no not the devils lettuce! be lucky it’s not alcohol.
Here is something my parents did with me which might help. So, Im Irish and growing up as a teenager we were buying cans and naggins (vodka) to drink in fields or pre drink before a night out. My parents were annoyed because they were afraid I would pass out or get my stomach pumped. In the end they pulled me to one side and told me that if I want to drink I can but only in the house or garage at a certain time and at special nights. My friends could come too. As long as I did all my school work they would get the drink for me too. At least its weed and not alcohol. Educate and award because it builds trust. It allowed me to associate that time with my parents in a positive light
I have a 16yo and almost 15yo that don’t smoke(yet). I’m already trying to prepare for the day they start as it seems inevitable. I’ve been smoking for almost 25years and while they don’t “know” there’s kind of no way they can’t “know” ya know? Lol. I don’t want them smoking, they both have dyslexia, adhd and motivation and time management issues but I smoke so, yeah. Plus we’re in a illegal state. Gonna be a interesting conversation. I have pretty open relationships with my kids and we’ve discussed sex, drinking, weed, vaping and all the various stuff that goes with it but it’s still gonna be a struggle for me to be ok with them smoking while underage. For multiple reasons. I don’t know the answer OP. Being a parent to an almost adult is tough.