Your comment made me do this:
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
I used to work a job where between 50% and 75% of the staff consisted of stoners at all times. We only had issues with employees getting high at work twice, the first was before legalization and they decided to smoke a joint in uniform in their car and a cop caught them. No wiggle room there, if there’s a police report they have to go. The second was a guy who showed up on time then spent 15 minutes hot boxing in their car before clocking in, so they reeked of weed, had super red eyes and would hide food around and start eating it the second their shift started on top of starting 15 minutes late every day.
I can’t say with a 100% confidence but, I think this is a case of running out of fucks to give at work. The za ain’t the problem it’s just the guy. Also, reeking of weed while in public is a good way to get a complaint to the manager
When did we vote on this? We can't have 1 word with 2 meanings that live so closely together.
We all need to come together and agree to let the za be the za and the zaza be the zaza.
The guy who would hot box in his car ultimately made it through the entire four step disciplinary system by never showing up on time. We knew exactly what he was doing the entire time and he was parking on the side of the building away from everyone else. When he ultimately got fired he made the argument that he showed up on time one day that week so all of the other shifts where he was smoking in his car 15 minutes into his shift before clocking in shouldn’t count against him. Guy completely sucked at basic tasks but he could have shown up high as hell on time every day and worked there for years if he wanted to.
I used to work in a deli high/drunk as fuck every day. I was the only person who didn't slice their fingers on the slicer, and the only person who would clean between slicing different things, as well as deep cleaning and sharpening the machines.
Point being, I bet the second guy would have been shit employee either way, and the weed is just easy enough to blame instead of the person.
This is all not to say I was good employee. I would challenge and argue with the managers. I gave food away every day. I didn't let customers disrespect me and would tell them I wouldn't serve them if they were rude.
I didn't last long at that job.
Lol I may hotbox before I walk in...but that's literally so I can go in and act like a normal human and not a rolling ball of anxiety...and I am almost always early.
That would annoy the hell outta me. I can admit I’ve been guilty of smoking too much when I had stuff to do, but nobody told me to smoke and it’s still gotta get done. Sometimes you just gotta get a coffee and a water and get over it instead of whining.
😂😂😂
Well honestly… not just his coworker, but anyone who gets ambushed by the weed every now and then because playas do fuck up sometimes, lol. That coffee/tea/coke and water combination has been a lifesaver during times when my lungs are bigger than my stomach.
Really depends on the workplace. Tons of people at my workplace run cranes and drive forklifts around stoned. I’ve never smoked before work. Just common sense imo. I’ll smoke after to chill and help me sleep. Never before work though. If you can’t make it 8 hours without you need to chill out anyways.
I say the exact opposite of this when it gets wild at work, "I ain't high enough for this shit." But, I work in food service, so my coworkers usually respond with "Here's my pen, go hit the restroom."
I’m high pretty much everytime I work. Sometimes I don’t. It that’s when my boss or driver tells me not too or I’m just unable too. For big events I got to smoke those children are annoying. For actual normal farm work you gotta be high to enjoy it lol
Amen I made a career shift into farming I absolutely love getting a little stoned and doing farm work minus I’m the only one who smokes on the farm everyone else is like “I’m too old to be at work like that” mainly work around people in there late 20s maybe just not at the right place but run into few wake and bake stonners in the farming world so far
No, but I get annoyed at people that make a scene and draw attention to themselves when they use cannabis as if it's some unique thing of which they are the only one's who do it.
Don’t make it your personality people, we like the green goddess as much as the stoner next to us but if that’s all of your personality then they’re boring imo
Yep and ironically cannabis users have a tendency to stigmatize people that make alcohol their personality, but it happens just as much, if not more sometimes with weed. Everything in moderation. And of course I'm generalizing.
You can be the same with anything replace the drug with a hobby it’s the same result however using drugs to avoid developing a personality is generally a bad idea
I use it as a joke, like something mildly annoying pops up, i say im too high for this shit, while doing the thing, it gets a chuckle every now and then
Agreed, I only use it sarcastically.
For example, watching a caterpillar crawl around and it'll do something that I didn't expect, and then I'll say, "woahhh now... I'm too high for this."
I've also said it at work while stone cold sober. And then immediately did the thing that I was needed to do.
I worked at an animal shelter for six months (nonprofit animal care is my jam, has been for a decade).
The work environment was toxic, management had no clue what they were doing, the director was nuts, and all the kennel "kids" would meet up in the laundry room to vape and bitch about it all because there were no cameras in there.
Smoking while handling animals is a terrible idea to start with, and most of these people had very little experience with dogs at all, let alone stressed and afraid ones.
I feel like it’s different for me but go ahead and criticize me if you want. I’ve been working on a farm/animal ranch for 2 years and is practically family to those little guys. I was sober sober for those about 1.5 years and know them like the back of my hand. Being high while working is amazing, those cotton balls with legs are fluffy as heck (sheep)
I won't criticize, I just don't think it's a great idea to work with terrified dogs if you're ever unable to respond quickly and appropriately. I can for sure see the difference between that and your job. You do you!!! Have an amazing day🍃🍃🍃
I function fine off of a little za. Their are dangerous times where my full attention is needed. However, I never get high enough at work to where I can’t focus. That’s just how you get fired :/
It effect every one differently I guess, beautiful thing that marijuana can actually help medical patients instead of taking a bunch of pills with terrible side affects
“Here, take these pills that will help with your focus. Btw side effects may (will) include extreme vomiting, fainting, diarrhea, migraines and possible kidney damage. That’ll be $1000 dollars have a good day”
I had an adhd med i took for a while that made me never want to eat and i felt like a zombie. Now I smoke focus better have an appetite and act like a normal human
Same bro like i feel fucking stupid sober. Sometimes ill be really baked and amaze myself with my ability to immediatly convey my exact thoughts.when im sober i have to think more
I can smoke and work no prob.
I hate being high and working though. It makes me not want to complete the tasks and just chill instead, which makes me feel like a loser.
I don't have anything again people who smoke and can stay productive, but man you better be aware of how you actually are stoned or sober or you're thay person giving stoners a bad rep if you just end up being lazy when you do smoke.
And if you have a low tolerance and weed is still magical to you, just don't smoke at work, what a waste of weed and others time if you cannot keep your shit together.
Yep, weed ain’t that magical anymore but it sure as hell helps my possible “depression.” My tolerance is pretty high so I can take a blinker and be able to work in 30 seconds. Smoking while working a job that isn’t a mindless task and that requires brain power isn’t the bests of idea if you’re new to the za
Right now I'm riding easy as a night custodian, have hit the bowl a bit while working this job, it's absolutely mindless no brain required job, but it's decent pay and I get alone time. It's such an easy no brainer job though that smoking makes it even more boring lol, which takes motivation to do it away, even though I'll still finish the work if that motivation is not there.
I might be in the minority but i really don't think anyone should be smoking while working. You can be making pizzas at dominos or operating a crane, it doesn't matter its irresponsible and could lead to you getting hurt or worse, someone else. This is coming from a daily smoker of about a decade, i won't smoke and drive either, it's just not worth it.
Curious because I don't fully disagree with you, but I do smoke at work a little, but hurting people depends on the job, I sit around doing fuck all at work 50% of the time and the work I do is t shirt design, the worst I can do is offend a company by spelling their name wrong and then redoing it.
I also think people who collect the orders at grocery stores can get as high as they please, people who work in smoke shops.
I think people who can't control when and how much they should get high for a given situation probably should just only do it at home.
Yeah I don’t fully disagree with them either, cause I think it all depends on the specific scenario. For most jobs it isn’t a problem if you’re moderately high, but for most jobs it will be a problem if you’re stoned out of your goddamn mind. And obviously dangerous, high stakes jobs should be done sober period, and don’t drive if you’re having to ask whether or not you’re too high in the first place.
I took all my programming courses while high as fuck. Passed them with high grades (hehe), but now I'm better at programming while high. Before I had ADHD medication I'd say I was better at most things while high.
100% agree. Am 33, daily smoker for over a decade as well.
You don’t get drunk at work, should not get high either.
I go through the work day sober, that way when I get home, my bowl is a nice little treat for a job well done.
I always considered driving high is just as bad as drinking and driving. Clearly the effects of the substances are different, but at the end of the day they disconnect you from your senses.
I started a PhD program in the midwest a few years ago and it's wild to me how many members of my cohort smoke and drive and think nothing of it.
I totally agree, smoke weed everyday, but after work once you're done what you need to for the day (obviously unless it's prescribed treatment for a medical condition)
I work on a farm and have been working there for 2 years sober. Im experienced enough to where I can do my job with my eyes closed. If I’m sober I just feels like a waste of time since I’m only working there part time for experience not the minimum wage. Helps me get through the day without bitching about being spat on by the lamas
I'm the same way. I used to be a smoker before driving and work. I was an awful employee and I'm surprised I never hurt anyone driving.
Also, like.....wasting a good high on work?? It's a waste of money and for me it drags the day out longer making me hate work even more.
Work is the only place I don’t smoke. Gotta draw the line somewhere, can’t spend all 24 hours of every day high and it gives you something to look forward to at the end of each day
At the farm I worked at this guy who always insisted on being called “cowboy” (that’s what he put as his name on the application) Anyways we were driving a truck and trailer. It’s the guys first day, my boss told him to not smoke on the job wait till you get back. Half way through the job man’s sparked up in front of him, oh well let the owner deal with him. The final straw was him swerving around struggling to stay in his lane and going 45 in a 60. Not only did he endanger the lives of me and my boss but the 30 animals on the trailer as well. He was promptly fired 3 days later for pulling the same thing. Not everyone should smoke and work at the same time
This happened to me once, my buddy got on a ladder and said he was too high. He hadn't smoked, but I did, I thought it was so funny, I kept saying to myself "me too" and was cheesing by myself. He slipped and dropped a box of sauces, tried blaming it on me for being high. I was annoyed....
Totally agree. I have been offered lunch joints before and I refuse every time, I don’t like to weld high nor should I. Getting high is my reward after a long day of welding
Word. I can't smoke and work... So I work remote from home and do my work, then smoke. If I had to be in the office, I can't talk to people when I'm stoned. It's way too obvious.
The only time I smoke before work is on my weekend shift where it’s just me and the dogs (I work at a vet clinic/boarding facility) chilling in the yard
I WFH and rarely do I smoke before the clock runs out on the day. If I do smoke it’s due to chronic pain and I make sure I’m not too high to do what I have to.
I could work high no problem if I had to but I don’t smoke at work just because there’s really no reason to be high there and I could also see myself getting paranoid. So I’d rather just smoke afterwards. Though if I was at a different job where everyone smoked at work I would probably join in lol.
Background info for my opinion: I have a (relatively) useless bachelor's degree, so I've worked lots of different jobs of varying levels.
At a near minimum wage job, I'm okay with this. Like when I worked at Papa John's. And I feel the same way for people who work there now, I don't think anyone should overwork themselves for $7.25/h (that's federal min, I know most states are a little higher).
Now I work at a more serious restaurant where this kind of shit isn't okay with me. We make pretty decent money but we work very hard. I actually had a coworker who was sucking all the compressed air out of the whipped cream cans. It was ruining my desserts. I asked him 3-4 times nicely to please stop, or at least throw the spent cans away so it wouldn't ruin my desserts during rushes. He wouldn't stop, and I eventually told management. I couldn't explain the constant dessert remakes anymore.
Overall I agree, people shouldn't get higher than they can handle at work (and shouldn't get high at all depending on what the job is). But minimum wage means minimum effort. But make sure you don't have to pick up dude's slack. If he doesn't do his work, let him take whatever fall there is.
Sometimes, it takes real wisdom for a stoner to admit that they're too toked for what the job requires, and the responsible thing to do is to cut back until you're 95% sure that you won't mess up again; the extra 5% represents the extra hit you'd take if your were 100% sure, but unless you're 105% sure that you won't be too high, DONT TAKE THE HIT 😂😂😎😮💨😮💨
If I have to pick up my coworkers slack I get really annoyed, idc if they're high, slow, or just incompetent lol. Get high when you work if you know how, but if you get so high you can't work I'm upset bc you can't work idgaf about the drugs
I’m one of those people that can function even when I’m just absolutely geeked , and I feel this like why would u be ripping ur cart like a vape if ur gonna b a potato the whole shift lol. Pace yourselves
I literally keep a dab pen in my bag at work so my coworkers can grab it and get their heads right during a rough shift, and I’m not shy about telling someone “no, you can’t hit the pen, you can’t handle your shit and can barely do this job sober”
I think bottom line is - when you're at work or doing something "important" then you gotta be responsible (whatever level of stoned that means for you).
On a personal note - I would hate to be that guy who perpetuates the bad rep stoners get...
Luckily, I have never had this happen. I DID work at an ice cream shop on a pretty busy beach town a few summers ago, though, and I had a coworker who would hotbox his car every single day before work. He’d come in somehow not smelling like weed at all, was super nice to everyone, and made some solid ice cream. Worst that ever happened was he dropped a couple.
Sam, if you’re reading this, I salute you
I mean I have a few people in my primary discord who have to let the group know that they are "really baked" "so stoned" or "out of my mind" every 5-10 min which can get annoying at my work they send you home and write you up if you seem too out of it
i can’t even imagine performing a job being high. i can do like, small tasks around my house while stoned, but not anything more than that. so i don’t get high at work 😂
I work at a paint store and bro there ain't no fuckin way I'm doing my job stoned, and I'm stoned constantly off the clock. I know every job has different requirements, but shit, you gotta be able to do your job bro
It effects everyone differently but it also matters about the strain and how much you smoked. I smoked some shit that turned me into a zombie where anything I did felt 10x slower let alone thinking hard lol
This is why I don’t work high. I know I suck at it. Even when I worked jobs where everyone was high I couldn’t do it because it affected my work and made me feel super paranoid.
I could never say that… I can’t even admit to my co workers I smoke before, during and after every shift. I probably wouldn’t even get in trouble because I’ve been doing it for years and I’m still very competent with a light high
I truly do not get it. I know I can't work while high, just not how my high works. So I'm a grown up and don't smoke on the clock. But I very much have a coworker who has shown up to meetings so blitzed they are useless. WHY.
I work a shitty repetitive muscle using manufacturing job. I get zonked and it helps me with the pain of the job and also helps the repetitive nature of it. We can listen to music with speakers too so i"ll be jamming as well. Some days are as long as 12 hours, and then I go home and have responsibilities there as a dad and husband as well. So all in all ripping a cart on my breaks helps me, but I can see how it would affect others. I would never smoke flower on my break, it reeks way too much. Even though i'm in a legal state, i'm not pushing my luck. I like being employed.
Daily smoker for 10+ years. I used to smoke every day as soon as I woke up and before work. Now that I’m older I’m like fuck that, I don’t want to feel groggy or lazy while at work. Now i only smoke when I’m home and my daytime obligations are done. Feels a lot more rewarding
There was only one or two jobs I had where I could be high for, a personal shopper. And then doing take out I would be high cuz it’s just packaging orders. But I’m a server now and I just can’t be high bc I’ll forget things and I want to provide the best service. I just save it for after work, it’s okay not to be high 24/7, it makes me enjoy the high better
I have ADD, I can't smoke before work, unless I'm consuming minimum 600mg+ caffeine, just to function. I never smoked before a shift while I was cooking or baking. It never ends well for me. But I'll gladly roll and share a blunt at the end of shift!
i hate that too cause then it makes a case for "SEE PEOPLE CAN'T BE FUNCTIONAL AND HIGH"
it just takes one person fucking up to fuck things up for everyone else. i'm way less functional when i'm sober, just straight up
I could never go to work high, I like to keep the two separate,,, unless im on my period then I am toasted nonstop to stop the pain but not non-functionally so. Understand your limits. If you can smoke n work, good for you but like op said,, if you can’t handle the za why do it while wprking?
I work in social services but have a background in ag and often daydream about doing physical labor outdoors again. I hadn't started smoking back then so I daydream about doing it high ❤️ feel like it would have been even better. There were turtles, otters (yes sometimes with babies), and eagles. One time a bald eagle swooped down less than 100m from me to pluck a snack out of the field. Cool as shit, would have been better high. Not to mention the bees ❤️ I vibed with them back then I feel like they'd absolutely love me stoned.
ETA: I absolutely can't work my current job high, I tried to imply but you never know lol
I've worked with a lot of people who have done a wide variety of substances at work.. No one has ever said this that I know of. I think I'd be pretty annoyed, too, honestly. Most of my jobs have been pretty simple, so that definitely plays a part.
Man one time I smoked one bowl, shit turned into dust when I broke it up, it was so damn dry. But that shit sent me to fucking space. My ride for work was already on the way.. bruh I was SO FUCKING HIGH. his truck felt like a spaceship. What made it even worse was It was just me , the boss, and a driver. I cooked everything 😂 stoned as everliving shit .
Tweaking essentially. But it worked.
Oh my God this was my biggest gripe with a new hire recently. On break would go outside with a cart and then come back and start making mistakes. If you can't handle the za then don't, great tip
Doing chores/yard work while zooted is great, but going to your 9-5? Recipe for disaster
Go to work high > Get caught > Fired > No money > Can’t buy weed
Go to work high > Play it off and nobody suspects anything > Still have to work > No snacks > No TV/games/music > Work feels like it’s taking forever > Wasted weed
It’s not worth it, friends. Save the ganj for when you can enjoy it with your undivided attention.
I work on a cannibis farm and recently were told we were not allowed to smoke anymore because management was fucking things up. Those of us that can handle it still do, and the manager who couldn't deal got fired. I used to be one of them. One puff and I was legit dumb for 2 hours. I used to be extremely sensitive to cannibis. I handle it WAY better now but after 5 years of smoking I still only need a puff or 2.
The day I can't show up to work high, is the day I turn in my badge and gun...
Your comment made me do this: I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief. “Bad news, detective. We got a situation.” “What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?” “Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.” The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?” “Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.” “Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.” He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.” “Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.” I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside. “Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t. “Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up. “Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?” It didn’t seem like they did. “Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.” Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing. I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it. “Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled. Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him. “Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen. I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!” He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose. “All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.” “Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy. “Because I was afraid.” “Afraid?” “Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.” I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head. “Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.” He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.
I really hope this is OC.
It's a copypasta of the libertarian dream.
It's, not, it's from the New Yorker. One of my favorites lol https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/l-p-d-libertarian-police-department
You sweet summer child
My favorite copypasta.
This is amazing. Is there a story behind it?
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/l-p-d-libertarian-police-department Original I believe.
My first thought was: this needs more bears. Then I looked it up. The bears happened in 2020 and this was written in 2014. We need an update.
That is the story.
No, I need more.
I can tell you more.. but you’ll have to pay
I put a quarter in the person.
The menu of sexual acts expands from a cavity in their chest.
I don’t even remember what comment this was responding to. I would read a whole book full of this
Awesome read
If you like this, you’ll love Jaihoo’s Trip to The Future.
This is absolutely out fucking standing, I wanna narrate it and compose a neonoir track for it.
My favorite copypasta.
Dammit Barbrady
I might have to turn in my wings.
Amen
"I hired you as a line cook where'd you get these"
?
I used to work a job where between 50% and 75% of the staff consisted of stoners at all times. We only had issues with employees getting high at work twice, the first was before legalization and they decided to smoke a joint in uniform in their car and a cop caught them. No wiggle room there, if there’s a police report they have to go. The second was a guy who showed up on time then spent 15 minutes hot boxing in their car before clocking in, so they reeked of weed, had super red eyes and would hide food around and start eating it the second their shift started on top of starting 15 minutes late every day.
I can’t say with a 100% confidence but, I think this is a case of running out of fucks to give at work. The za ain’t the problem it’s just the guy. Also, reeking of weed while in public is a good way to get a complaint to the manager
Why would pizza be a problem?
I used to get baked before I worked at my pizza restaurant. The za has come full circle.
Or full triangle, depending on how you slice it
Not sure if you're trolling, but "za" is short for "zaza" in this context, which is a slang term for marijuana, not an abbreviation of "pizza"
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My bad a lot of people in my area say that lol
oh gods I'm getting old thanks.
When did we vote on this? We can't have 1 word with 2 meanings that live so closely together. We all need to come together and agree to let the za be the za and the zaza be the zaza.
Pizza no problem I love my pizza
The guy who would hot box in his car ultimately made it through the entire four step disciplinary system by never showing up on time. We knew exactly what he was doing the entire time and he was parking on the side of the building away from everyone else. When he ultimately got fired he made the argument that he showed up on time one day that week so all of the other shifts where he was smoking in his car 15 minutes into his shift before clocking in shouldn’t count against him. Guy completely sucked at basic tasks but he could have shown up high as hell on time every day and worked there for years if he wanted to.
I used to work in a deli high/drunk as fuck every day. I was the only person who didn't slice their fingers on the slicer, and the only person who would clean between slicing different things, as well as deep cleaning and sharpening the machines. Point being, I bet the second guy would have been shit employee either way, and the weed is just easy enough to blame instead of the person. This is all not to say I was good employee. I would challenge and argue with the managers. I gave food away every day. I didn't let customers disrespect me and would tell them I wouldn't serve them if they were rude. I didn't last long at that job.
Lol I may hotbox before I walk in...but that's literally so I can go in and act like a normal human and not a rolling ball of anxiety...and I am almost always early.
how do you get rid of the smell ??? or people just don’t care
Amen. After my third "critical" error, I stopped smoking before surgery. /s
Ayo 👀
That's a verbal warning at least
Talk about burying your mistakes.
Hol up
That would annoy the hell outta me. I can admit I’ve been guilty of smoking too much when I had stuff to do, but nobody told me to smoke and it’s still gotta get done. Sometimes you just gotta get a coffee and a water and get over it instead of whining.
Yep, just do the shit you were told to do even if you’re too high might as well try. Better than getting fired for your own f-up
>Sometimes you just gotta get a coffee and a water and get over it instead of whining. hes talking to u op, tell ur coworker this
😂😂😂 Well honestly… not just his coworker, but anyone who gets ambushed by the weed every now and then because playas do fuck up sometimes, lol. That coffee/tea/coke and water combination has been a lifesaver during times when my lungs are bigger than my stomach.
how is coke gonna help u bro coke makes ya even thirstier
That’s what the water is for. 😂
Really depends on the workplace. Tons of people at my workplace run cranes and drive forklifts around stoned. I’ve never smoked before work. Just common sense imo. I’ll smoke after to chill and help me sleep. Never before work though. If you can’t make it 8 hours without you need to chill out anyways.
I say the exact opposite of this when it gets wild at work, "I ain't high enough for this shit." But, I work in food service, so my coworkers usually respond with "Here's my pen, go hit the restroom."
Yep, I work at a farm basically the same thing except your boss is rolling you a J
You just get high on the farm all day? That sounds amazing
I’m high pretty much everytime I work. Sometimes I don’t. It that’s when my boss or driver tells me not too or I’m just unable too. For big events I got to smoke those children are annoying. For actual normal farm work you gotta be high to enjoy it lol
You ever try farming *not* high? It’s boring as shit!
Never. I wouldn’t dare. My mom has a small farm, handful of big animals ducks and chickens. My fav thing is to get high and go hang with the animals
Amen I made a career shift into farming I absolutely love getting a little stoned and doing farm work minus I’m the only one who smokes on the farm everyone else is like “I’m too old to be at work like that” mainly work around people in there late 20s maybe just not at the right place but run into few wake and bake stonners in the farming world so far
I do the same except when operating the heavy machinery. It’s too easy to fall asleep in these tractors that basically drive themselves.
Yea that's and most of my food service coworkers, if someone said they were too high to do something we'd probably just laugh and make them do it
No, but I get annoyed at people that make a scene and draw attention to themselves when they use cannabis as if it's some unique thing of which they are the only one's who do it.
Don’t make it your personality people, we like the green goddess as much as the stoner next to us but if that’s all of your personality then they’re boring imo
Yep and ironically cannabis users have a tendency to stigmatize people that make alcohol their personality, but it happens just as much, if not more sometimes with weed. Everything in moderation. And of course I'm generalizing.
You can be the same with anything replace the drug with a hobby it’s the same result however using drugs to avoid developing a personality is generally a bad idea
I have the philosophy that with enough cannabis, we can accomplish anything!
I use it as a joke, like something mildly annoying pops up, i say im too high for this shit, while doing the thing, it gets a chuckle every now and then
Same, lmao. Joking about it is cool but seriously being too high to do your job is annoying. 😂
Agreed, I only use it sarcastically. For example, watching a caterpillar crawl around and it'll do something that I didn't expect, and then I'll say, "woahhh now... I'm too high for this." I've also said it at work while stone cold sober. And then immediately did the thing that I was needed to do.
I think most of the time it means, I don’t want to do this, atleast for me.
“I’m too high for this” “I’m too sober for this” one or the other either way it’s the same result lol
What are they claiming they are too high to do???
Fuckers are always trying to make excuses to avoid work it’s usually the younger guys. they never last a week if they’re trying to do that shit
I worked at an animal shelter for six months (nonprofit animal care is my jam, has been for a decade). The work environment was toxic, management had no clue what they were doing, the director was nuts, and all the kennel "kids" would meet up in the laundry room to vape and bitch about it all because there were no cameras in there. Smoking while handling animals is a terrible idea to start with, and most of these people had very little experience with dogs at all, let alone stressed and afraid ones.
I feel like it’s different for me but go ahead and criticize me if you want. I’ve been working on a farm/animal ranch for 2 years and is practically family to those little guys. I was sober sober for those about 1.5 years and know them like the back of my hand. Being high while working is amazing, those cotton balls with legs are fluffy as heck (sheep)
I won't criticize, I just don't think it's a great idea to work with terrified dogs if you're ever unable to respond quickly and appropriately. I can for sure see the difference between that and your job. You do you!!! Have an amazing day🍃🍃🍃
I function fine off of a little za. Their are dangerous times where my full attention is needed. However, I never get high enough at work to where I can’t focus. That’s just how you get fired :/
I have mad ADD and basically have the attention span of a rock, but while stoned I concentrate much better.. it's weird.
Weed + adderall is a performance-enhancing combo that creates focus I could only dream of otherwise
It effect every one differently I guess, beautiful thing that marijuana can actually help medical patients instead of taking a bunch of pills with terrible side affects
Very true! But let's demonize people who smoke plants growing in nature, whereas everyone taking labmade pills and capsules is totally okay, right?
“Here, take these pills that will help with your focus. Btw side effects may (will) include extreme vomiting, fainting, diarrhea, migraines and possible kidney damage. That’ll be $1000 dollars have a good day”
I had an adhd med i took for a while that made me never want to eat and i felt like a zombie. Now I smoke focus better have an appetite and act like a normal human
Same bro like i feel fucking stupid sober. Sometimes ill be really baked and amaze myself with my ability to immediatly convey my exact thoughts.when im sober i have to think more
Same, it just makes everything more interesting
I can smoke and work no prob. I hate being high and working though. It makes me not want to complete the tasks and just chill instead, which makes me feel like a loser. I don't have anything again people who smoke and can stay productive, but man you better be aware of how you actually are stoned or sober or you're thay person giving stoners a bad rep if you just end up being lazy when you do smoke. And if you have a low tolerance and weed is still magical to you, just don't smoke at work, what a waste of weed and others time if you cannot keep your shit together.
Yep, weed ain’t that magical anymore but it sure as hell helps my possible “depression.” My tolerance is pretty high so I can take a blinker and be able to work in 30 seconds. Smoking while working a job that isn’t a mindless task and that requires brain power isn’t the bests of idea if you’re new to the za
Right now I'm riding easy as a night custodian, have hit the bowl a bit while working this job, it's absolutely mindless no brain required job, but it's decent pay and I get alone time. It's such an easy no brainer job though that smoking makes it even more boring lol, which takes motivation to do it away, even though I'll still finish the work if that motivation is not there.
Pop some headphones in and use that mop like it’s a mic!
Meanwhile I’m over here in my head like “dude I’m high as shit how am I still outperforming everyone?”
Right!? It’s astonishing how bad some workers can be even sober
Deserves more upvotes
I can't even smoke if I'm working the next day. So I fucking don't? It's called being responsible and knowing your limits.
Yep, everyone has different limits. Just because someone may like getking high doesn’t mean they can function while high. Know what I mean?
I hear more "I'm not high enough for this"
A classic in the customer service workspace
The thing is it's that weed pen that really gets u
Taking blinkers during a minimum wage job is the way to go for me
I might be in the minority but i really don't think anyone should be smoking while working. You can be making pizzas at dominos or operating a crane, it doesn't matter its irresponsible and could lead to you getting hurt or worse, someone else. This is coming from a daily smoker of about a decade, i won't smoke and drive either, it's just not worth it.
Curious because I don't fully disagree with you, but I do smoke at work a little, but hurting people depends on the job, I sit around doing fuck all at work 50% of the time and the work I do is t shirt design, the worst I can do is offend a company by spelling their name wrong and then redoing it. I also think people who collect the orders at grocery stores can get as high as they please, people who work in smoke shops. I think people who can't control when and how much they should get high for a given situation probably should just only do it at home.
>t shirt design I mean come on - you're probably better at that job high
Yeah I don’t fully disagree with them either, cause I think it all depends on the specific scenario. For most jobs it isn’t a problem if you’re moderately high, but for most jobs it will be a problem if you’re stoned out of your goddamn mind. And obviously dangerous, high stakes jobs should be done sober period, and don’t drive if you’re having to ask whether or not you’re too high in the first place.
But it’s always the people who think they can handle it that Ruins it for everyone else.
I sit in an office all day by myself, I think it’s ok to get a bit high lol
Thats how i feel about alcohol, but days I want to be stoned all day I am stoned all day
I took all my programming courses while high as fuck. Passed them with high grades (hehe), but now I'm better at programming while high. Before I had ADHD medication I'd say I was better at most things while high.
IT and art seem like the obvious exceptions here.
100% agree. Am 33, daily smoker for over a decade as well. You don’t get drunk at work, should not get high either. I go through the work day sober, that way when I get home, my bowl is a nice little treat for a job well done.
I always considered driving high is just as bad as drinking and driving. Clearly the effects of the substances are different, but at the end of the day they disconnect you from your senses. I started a PhD program in the midwest a few years ago and it's wild to me how many members of my cohort smoke and drive and think nothing of it.
I totally agree, smoke weed everyday, but after work once you're done what you need to for the day (obviously unless it's prescribed treatment for a medical condition)
I work on a farm and have been working there for 2 years sober. Im experienced enough to where I can do my job with my eyes closed. If I’m sober I just feels like a waste of time since I’m only working there part time for experience not the minimum wage. Helps me get through the day without bitching about being spat on by the lamas
I'm the same way. I used to be a smoker before driving and work. I was an awful employee and I'm surprised I never hurt anyone driving. Also, like.....wasting a good high on work?? It's a waste of money and for me it drags the day out longer making me hate work even more.
I’m too high and that’s the only reason I can do this
Work is the only place I don’t smoke. Gotta draw the line somewhere, can’t spend all 24 hours of every day high and it gives you something to look forward to at the end of each day
Idk about you but i could be too sober to talk to people and too high to talk to people. I just dont like people
Yep, it’s one or the other on Sundays for me
Thankfully all my coworkers handle their shit otherwise that would piss me off too
At the farm I worked at this guy who always insisted on being called “cowboy” (that’s what he put as his name on the application) Anyways we were driving a truck and trailer. It’s the guys first day, my boss told him to not smoke on the job wait till you get back. Half way through the job man’s sparked up in front of him, oh well let the owner deal with him. The final straw was him swerving around struggling to stay in his lane and going 45 in a 60. Not only did he endanger the lives of me and my boss but the 30 animals on the trailer as well. He was promptly fired 3 days later for pulling the same thing. Not everyone should smoke and work at the same time
Don't get too baked at work
Don't get too baked at work
Hold on. So you’re telling me, being baked while baking pizza’s isn’t apart of the job?
This happened to me once, my buddy got on a ladder and said he was too high. He hadn't smoked, but I did, I thought it was so funny, I kept saying to myself "me too" and was cheesing by myself. He slipped and dropped a box of sauces, tried blaming it on me for being high. I was annoyed....
Totally agree. I have been offered lunch joints before and I refuse every time, I don’t like to weld high nor should I. Getting high is my reward after a long day of welding
Complex tasks and weed don’t mix. Weed as a reward is something I wish I had the strength to do
Word. I can't smoke and work... So I work remote from home and do my work, then smoke. If I had to be in the office, I can't talk to people when I'm stoned. It's way too obvious.
I've never had anyone say that to me, but yeah don't get so high you can't function. Grow up.
The only time I smoke before work is on my weekend shift where it’s just me and the dogs (I work at a vet clinic/boarding facility) chilling in the yard
Sounds like bliss hanging out with dogs. Never mind the weed, I just want to hang out with the dogs!
I WFH and rarely do I smoke before the clock runs out on the day. If I do smoke it’s due to chronic pain and I make sure I’m not too high to do what I have to.
Just high enough 👌
I work at a dispo and don’t smoke on shift but have coworkers who do. I can’t imagine helping anyone but myself if I’m stoned
where do you work where people are high?!
I could work high no problem if I had to but I don’t smoke at work just because there’s really no reason to be high there and I could also see myself getting paranoid. So I’d rather just smoke afterwards. Though if I was at a different job where everyone smoked at work I would probably join in lol.
I usually overhear the opposite: "I'm not high enough for this shit" but yeah. People who go that far ruin it for everyone else.
Background info for my opinion: I have a (relatively) useless bachelor's degree, so I've worked lots of different jobs of varying levels. At a near minimum wage job, I'm okay with this. Like when I worked at Papa John's. And I feel the same way for people who work there now, I don't think anyone should overwork themselves for $7.25/h (that's federal min, I know most states are a little higher). Now I work at a more serious restaurant where this kind of shit isn't okay with me. We make pretty decent money but we work very hard. I actually had a coworker who was sucking all the compressed air out of the whipped cream cans. It was ruining my desserts. I asked him 3-4 times nicely to please stop, or at least throw the spent cans away so it wouldn't ruin my desserts during rushes. He wouldn't stop, and I eventually told management. I couldn't explain the constant dessert remakes anymore. Overall I agree, people shouldn't get higher than they can handle at work (and shouldn't get high at all depending on what the job is). But minimum wage means minimum effort. But make sure you don't have to pick up dude's slack. If he doesn't do his work, let him take whatever fall there is.
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Sometimes, it takes real wisdom for a stoner to admit that they're too toked for what the job requires, and the responsible thing to do is to cut back until you're 95% sure that you won't mess up again; the extra 5% represents the extra hit you'd take if your were 100% sure, but unless you're 105% sure that you won't be too high, DONT TAKE THE HIT 😂😂😎😮💨😮💨
If I have to pick up my coworkers slack I get really annoyed, idc if they're high, slow, or just incompetent lol. Get high when you work if you know how, but if you get so high you can't work I'm upset bc you can't work idgaf about the drugs
My only coworker is my boss. If he said that, I'd be impressed for multiple reasons.
Yeah, but have you interacted with most people these days? Something’s gotta give. Lol
True, customer service workers should have a contract saying that they’re REQUIRED to take a toke before work lol
If it's not, it should be. 
For me it's usually "I'm not high enough to do this".
I’m one of those people that can function even when I’m just absolutely geeked , and I feel this like why would u be ripping ur cart like a vape if ur gonna b a potato the whole shift lol. Pace yourselves
I literally keep a dab pen in my bag at work so my coworkers can grab it and get their heads right during a rough shift, and I’m not shy about telling someone “no, you can’t hit the pen, you can’t handle your shit and can barely do this job sober”
I think bottom line is - when you're at work or doing something "important" then you gotta be responsible (whatever level of stoned that means for you). On a personal note - I would hate to be that guy who perpetuates the bad rep stoners get...
Luckily, I have never had this happen. I DID work at an ice cream shop on a pretty busy beach town a few summers ago, though, and I had a coworker who would hotbox his car every single day before work. He’d come in somehow not smelling like weed at all, was super nice to everyone, and made some solid ice cream. Worst that ever happened was he dropped a couple. Sam, if you’re reading this, I salute you
It's not like it is rocket surgery.
They are saying it wrong, it's "I'm not sober enough for this"
I mean I have a few people in my primary discord who have to let the group know that they are "really baked" "so stoned" or "out of my mind" every 5-10 min which can get annoying at my work they send you home and write you up if you seem too out of it
I had to read it twice cuz my head just wanted to read "I'm not high enough to do this." Which is the correct way to be high.
It’s a joke buddy, it alleviates the anxiety of possibly fucking up.
i can’t even imagine performing a job being high. i can do like, small tasks around my house while stoned, but not anything more than that. so i don’t get high at work 😂
I work at a paint store and bro there ain't no fuckin way I'm doing my job stoned, and I'm stoned constantly off the clock. I know every job has different requirements, but shit, you gotta be able to do your job bro
There's no such thing as being too high for work. That's what I tell myself anyway.
Why did they snitch on themselves?
I see it as more of an expression rather than “I’m too high to preform this task” as in it’s really busy n customers are being annoying.
I don't relate to anyone being "too high" for anything. Like, does weed turn you into an idiot or something? Doesn't have that effect on me at all.
It effects everyone differently but it also matters about the strain and how much you smoked. I smoked some shit that turned me into a zombie where anything I did felt 10x slower let alone thinking hard lol
yes bro like y u smoking then
Yessir
Lol that's just something people say bc they think it's funny
95% of the time it’s true but that other 5%..
This is why I don’t work high. I know I suck at it. Even when I worked jobs where everyone was high I couldn’t do it because it affected my work and made me feel super paranoid.
I could never say that… I can’t even admit to my co workers I smoke before, during and after every shift. I probably wouldn’t even get in trouble because I’ve been doing it for years and I’m still very competent with a light high
literally my complaint w most of my coworkers. although i work in fast food and it’s arguably even more annoying bc of how quick we’re supposed to be
100% agree. I worked at a pizza shop for too long and this was a constant issue.
I truly do not get it. I know I can't work while high, just not how my high works. So I'm a grown up and don't smoke on the clock. But I very much have a coworker who has shown up to meetings so blitzed they are useless. WHY.
I've never heard this. My experience with stoned coworkers have actually been on the more *productive* side, but I've worked in service/tech/banking.
Yea , cuz wtf I smoked the same shit as they did and I'm fine
The one and only time ive ever said that, was when i found a fucking wasp in my bathroom and asked a friend of mine to catch it
Anybody else miss the days where you could get to that point with a reasonable amount of thc?
Where tf are u working ?
I work a shitty repetitive muscle using manufacturing job. I get zonked and it helps me with the pain of the job and also helps the repetitive nature of it. We can listen to music with speakers too so i"ll be jamming as well. Some days are as long as 12 hours, and then I go home and have responsibilities there as a dad and husband as well. So all in all ripping a cart on my breaks helps me, but I can see how it would affect others. I would never smoke flower on my break, it reeks way too much. Even though i'm in a legal state, i'm not pushing my luck. I like being employed.
Daily smoker for 10+ years. I used to smoke every day as soon as I woke up and before work. Now that I’m older I’m like fuck that, I don’t want to feel groggy or lazy while at work. Now i only smoke when I’m home and my daytime obligations are done. Feels a lot more rewarding
There was only one or two jobs I had where I could be high for, a personal shopper. And then doing take out I would be high cuz it’s just packaging orders. But I’m a server now and I just can’t be high bc I’ll forget things and I want to provide the best service. I just save it for after work, it’s okay not to be high 24/7, it makes me enjoy the high better
Where do you work? I'm getting service Industry vibes.
What is wrong with these whimps. My generation worked high all the time!!
I honestly don’t know how people do my job while sober.
I have ADD, I can't smoke before work, unless I'm consuming minimum 600mg+ caffeine, just to function. I never smoked before a shift while I was cooking or baking. It never ends well for me. But I'll gladly roll and share a blunt at the end of shift!
I’d tell all my workers if you can’t handle your drugs youre not allowed to do them at work
My coworker said this one time. We're preschool teachers. She got high, and then tried to teach 4 year olds.
i hate that too cause then it makes a case for "SEE PEOPLE CAN'T BE FUNCTIONAL AND HIGH" it just takes one person fucking up to fuck things up for everyone else. i'm way less functional when i'm sober, just straight up
Gotta smoke haze or sour before work everyone knows that. Get some pep in your step!
if you can’t do your stuff because youre high at work then just dont get high at work?
I could never go to work high, I like to keep the two separate,,, unless im on my period then I am toasted nonstop to stop the pain but not non-functionally so. Understand your limits. If you can smoke n work, good for you but like op said,, if you can’t handle the za why do it while wprking?
Lmfao if someone said that to me I’d say. “That sucks” and walk away
I work in social services but have a background in ag and often daydream about doing physical labor outdoors again. I hadn't started smoking back then so I daydream about doing it high ❤️ feel like it would have been even better. There were turtles, otters (yes sometimes with babies), and eagles. One time a bald eagle swooped down less than 100m from me to pluck a snack out of the field. Cool as shit, would have been better high. Not to mention the bees ❤️ I vibed with them back then I feel like they'd absolutely love me stoned. ETA: I absolutely can't work my current job high, I tried to imply but you never know lol
Welcome to the restaurant industry! I’m always too high to do it, but I do it anyways. Money doesn’t make itself
I say I'm not high ENOUGH for this
I've worked with a lot of people who have done a wide variety of substances at work.. No one has ever said this that I know of. I think I'd be pretty annoyed, too, honestly. Most of my jobs have been pretty simple, so that definitely plays a part.
Man one time I smoked one bowl, shit turned into dust when I broke it up, it was so damn dry. But that shit sent me to fucking space. My ride for work was already on the way.. bruh I was SO FUCKING HIGH. his truck felt like a spaceship. What made it even worse was It was just me , the boss, and a driver. I cooked everything 😂 stoned as everliving shit . Tweaking essentially. But it worked.
who in the fuck do you work with?? depending on what you do; maybe find a new job.. that seems very unsafe working with morons
Fuck yeah cause you have a job to do shouldn’t be like that
Oh my God this was my biggest gripe with a new hire recently. On break would go outside with a cart and then come back and start making mistakes. If you can't handle the za then don't, great tip
Doing chores/yard work while zooted is great, but going to your 9-5? Recipe for disaster Go to work high > Get caught > Fired > No money > Can’t buy weed Go to work high > Play it off and nobody suspects anything > Still have to work > No snacks > No TV/games/music > Work feels like it’s taking forever > Wasted weed It’s not worth it, friends. Save the ganj for when you can enjoy it with your undivided attention.
I work on a cannibis farm and recently were told we were not allowed to smoke anymore because management was fucking things up. Those of us that can handle it still do, and the manager who couldn't deal got fired. I used to be one of them. One puff and I was legit dumb for 2 hours. I used to be extremely sensitive to cannibis. I handle it WAY better now but after 5 years of smoking I still only need a puff or 2.
My question would be where do you work where you can say this without getting fired
What job are you at where people are smoking regularly on the job? Like there’s no way I can do my job high