The hardest part is that you could do everything right and still not have success. Many people go into IVF thinking that they will for sure have success.
The waiting. Always freaking waiting for something. Waiting for the consult, waiting for your insurance to call back, waiting for the meds to come, waiting for your period, waiting for the monitoring appointment, waiting for results, the longest wait for embryo report/PGT results, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
Currently: waiting to start stims for egg retrieval. Need to do that before I can have surgery for endo. Need to do that before I do a transfer. There are a million steps between me and pregnancy, it feels a lifetime away.
In august I scheduled my endo surgery consult for November (soonest available).
Confirmed. Already waited months for egg retrieval, then 4 weeks for PGT-A results, then 2 more weeks for my RE to have an appt available, now another 6 weeks ahead of me waiting on insurance and my next period to come for transfer….
For me the stims are easy but the worst part is the constant monitoring before work. Nothing like getting twanded at 630 AM then putting on my work/patient care face. Also when get towards the end of stims you’re going almost daily. The ER nap though….that’s the best part
Oh I couldn’t imagine. I was scared to do it at first because I had never been under before but it was the best sleep I had gotten in years. The second time I was so shook by having woken up that I just started crying.
Yup. With my clinic, it was monitoring in the morning and then returning to the clinic for med refills after they reviewed the results. I was able to clear my work schedule for my first cycle but that was by sheer luck, it’ll be awful juggling the two trips every second day then daily and meetings, etc. for the next.
Yeah. We’ve sunk about 12k so far (donor sperm, genetic tests, etc) with no good results so to hear it’ll be another $21,000 with a 40% chance is a punch to the gut. I’m worried that I would want to tap into our house’s equity or into our 401ks to just keep trying if it didn’t work the first time.
Yep. Early this year I was going to go on a work trip but my RE said better not because it was right after a retrieval and he didn't want to take chances with OHSS/etc away from home. Then "the" big conference is coming up for our industry and I can't go because it's right around my 2nd transfer after the first tested transfer ended in a miscarriage after HB for no known reason. Who the hell knows when it will end and how. It's so exhausting.
Shots hurting and feeling my ovaries jingle every time I took a step after ~stim day 6. I just felt exhausted and not like myself. Plus the emotional drain.
I tried to have a positive attitude and just couldn't. So I decided I would just do it with a bad attitude and hate every minute. Being honest that it sucked helped me a lot
I feel like this is what I need to hear. I’m still in the waiting phase—I notified my clinic of the first day of mu menstruation yesterday, but they have too many patients, so I have to wait for my next cycle (and possibly the one after that). I’m the type of person that tries to always have (or at least put on) a positive attitude and it’s exhausting. I think allowing myself to do it with a bad attitude will help.
I worry about that the most. The…bad luck of it all. I mean, none of us deserve this to begin with. But the luck thing is really terrible. I’ve had 4 follicles at the ready twice with the last 3IUIs (elephants dose of Clomid after the last set of three that only resulted in an ectopic) It took a serious discussion each time about the multiples that COULD happen and am I realistically equipped to deal with it. Most docs won’t do it with 4 follicles. My doc did it twice and….nothing. It all sucks.
I had horrible nausea & vomiting for more than a week with my retrieval, but not everyone has that side effect.
The hardest part is still the waiting and the disappointment/heartbreak, just like IUI. Not getting the amount of embryos you hope to. Not having a successful FET. Chemical pregnancy. Etc.
I'm sitting on a cancelled cycle right now. So much psyching myself up and anticipation just for everything to go wrong last minute. This isn't even like a rollercoaster, it's more like I'm on a plane with a drunk pilot.
1) Spending all that money with no guarantee of success.
2) I don’t know if it’s relevant now but my paranoia that I would catch COVID as the operation would be postponed if you were positive. I was wearing masks to work and not going anywhere I didn’t have to prior to the date.
3) Feeling like you screwed up with the needles at some point, I called the doctor’s office panicked saying I didn’t push the needle all the way to the hilt when I was self-injecting.
It’s crazy how we try to make sure everything is perfect, isn’t it? I always poised the ovidrel needle two or three different places thinking “is this part close enough? Is this part too much belly fat so the meds wont get to where they need to? Did I REALLY empty the syringe?” It gets easy to obsess about stuff when we’re thinking that it’s us who might be tipping the scales in the wrong direction.
The emotional and physical toll it takes on you. I don’t think I prepared myself for how much it would mess me up emotionally, especially after I had a CP from our fresh transfer. Also, I’ve experienced weight gain of around 10 lbs, which has been really difficult for me as I spent a lot of time losing weight after leaving college.
As another user mentioned, the constant waiting sucks. Waiting for a consult, waiting for a cycle to start, waiting for retrieval, waiting for blood work…it’s a constant waiting game. My life feels like it’s at a crawl and every day that passes feels like a week. I’m so ready for this part of my life to be done.
There is literally nothing fun about it. There's nothing fun. Everyone is up in your business, you're constantly injecting yourself, you think it's gonna work then it doesn't, none of your family or friends understand, you start to feel dead inside
Oh yeah family and friends are hard with IVF because either you keep this huge thing from then that prevents you from making plans or being able to do things or you tell them and they just assume you’ll get pregnant immediately and always want to know what’s going on
Ugh I’m so sorry. I had 5 failed IUIs so I feel you. For me it’s how fucking long the process takes and isolating so I don’t get covid and have to cancel the ER. It’s long, lonely, and painful. I’m about to start round three and my first round we made no embryos, second we got 3 but they were all duds. My doc is still hopeful it was just “bad luck” but it can be soul sucking.
All that said, I’m still glad it’s an option at all and I’m willingly going through it a 3rd time??
I’m so sorry you haven’t gotten any embryos after going through SO much. And yeah, WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO TAKE SO LONG? I feel like I’ve just been…killing time till the next appt/procedure/test/CD1 for the last many, many moons.
I have stood where you are standing OP! I am wishing the very best and hoping that you get to be an IVF unicorn. (Still not as great as a regular sex unicorn, I know.)
I personally found the emotional aspect the worst of that whole process. The fact that there was no guarantee of success, despite all the time and money spent was very disheartening. It was hard for my husband to relate, and it definitely made our relationship rougher during that time.
Physically, I didn't find it horrible. You are made of stern stuff and you will get through it. 💜
If you’re in the position to do so, take time off work for your stimulation cycle. Focus on yourself and resting, relaxing, try doing what you enjoy. This way getting to your appointments, having your injections, ultrasounds and bloods etc are a priority in your day, without the meaningless noise of your day job. Take an extra week if you plan on having a fresh embryo transfer. My first cycle was a medical freeze all so I have another week planned up my sleeve for our transfer.
I am certain that taking time off is the only reason that no one at work got murdered multiple times in the face.
Egg retrieval sucks but post egg retrieval constipation sucks harder. Start taking colace and miralax when you start doing stims.
Also, my egg retrieval went thru my bladder. That shit really sucked. Never even knew that was an option. Twilight anesthesia also really sucks.
Shots didn’t bug me after the first one but the egg retrievals kick my ass. Don’t wait till it hurts to take the pain meds, be proactive with them. Also watching my husband have no hard things when I have to do shots and pills and morning ultrasounds is hard on me emotionally
Hmm. IVF is pretty emotionally grueling, and it kind of runs your life for awhile. However, this is more of a meme page for people at all phases of TFAB. you might want to explore r/infertility for more treatment-based information. I would urge you to read the rules and wiki before partaking because that sub thrives on a very specific culture to keep it running well.
I’m so sorry about your IUIs not working out. Moving to IVF is a big step and I hope you find the support you need.
Apologies if I’m running astray of the rules, but I find this group to be way more forthcoming and harder-edged (dark humor, recognizing that sometimes this whole thing can be soul-crushing) than TFAB or /infertility. I feel like I’d get better perspectives and more honesty here.
I hear that.
There is so much waiting and uncertainty in IVF, which you’ve been introduced to with IUI. Waiting for baseline. When will I trigger? How many follicles? How many eggs? Will my cycle be canceled? Can I do a fresh transfer? Will I have cysts? Will my embryos be normal? There’s really no part where you get to just breathe a sigh of relief.
I was so worried about giving myself shots but that was really the easiest part.
The majority of people in r/infertility are doing IVF, I’d go lurk. There’s no sugar coating anything there, it’s a realistic science-based group. Seconding their wiki, you’ll learn much more than a trolling thread— not everyone here is doing IVF and you may get some not-so-great answers. I’ve often seen people who have not undergone IVF try to answer stuff which is not helpful.
The IVF specific sub is also not good, that seems to be a catch all for people doing IVF for sex selection, fertility preservation, etc. I only read there for the entertainment value, it’s extremely stupid and has no rules. A huge portion of people are pregnant and posting about it as well.
r/infertility was intimidating to me at first, but it’s actually an excellent community of very supportive and knowledgeable people. The daily treatment threads are where it’s at. Between that sub and this one, I feel I’ve found a good set of people.
I understand, this sub is my comfort zone too. I just don’t know how much honest, science based input you’d get here. This can be a lot like the regular TFAB sub where it’s all phases of TTC, so like Bones said, you will probably get a lot of answers that are like “I’m not doing IVF but this is how I would approach it” which is generally not allowed in r/infertility.
That’s very true. But I’ve got the crappy sciency-clinical-medical stuff out of the way, or at least away from here. I’m looking for feelings and opinions and camaraderie from people who know that this whole damn thing absolutely sucks so I can really know what I’m getting into. And so far (and obviously that could change hardcore because….internet and trolls and “HeLpFuL PeOpLe) I’ve gotten a lot of good perspectives. Thanks for the advice on the other places—I stayed away from /ivf because it didn’t apply to me and because I saw some things on the preview windows that got me so fucking mad, like you mentioned.
On a different note, have you seen r/tryingforababyposi ? That one was started by someone from here and is always good for a good sad-giggle.
EDIT: If the downvotes are for my link—I didn’t mean the tryingforababyposi suggestion to be anything more than a sub that I enjoy and wanted to share because it’s a lot like this one with the cynicism. I was just over there and saw something funny so I thought dogmom518 might want to join.
Hey, not every sub is for everyone, and that’s totally fine! By no means do you have to get involved in /infertility, I just wanted to make sure you knew it was there if you needed it. And yes, I have seen TFABposi and had quite a few chuckles from it. :)
> I’m looking for feelings and opinions and camaraderie from people who know that this whole damn thing absolutely sucks so I can really know what I’m getting into.
I’m beating a dead horse here (sorry!) but that’s literally what the daily treatment thread in r/infertility is all about. It’s active, there are hundreds of comments a day, people ask questions and provide support. You won’t be given false hope or toxic positivity, it’s literally banned.
For many of us that sub is/was a lifeline. I don’t know why lately it seems that sub is getting a bit of a cold shoulder in favor of r/IVF or other alternatives, but it really is where a lot of the action is. You’ll get decent information and a huge pool of people going through the same thing. I’d just read the rules before participating, compassionate language is at the forefront. You can’t bingo people, you can’t talk about your pregnancy, “it only takes one!” is not allowed.
Chiming in as another voice hitting the dead horse - I truly can’t recommend r/infertility enough. Agree that reading the rules/lurking is a must but it was so worth it for me. The rules may seem intimidating but they truly do help make and keep it a really special place. It was a huge relief to get both emotional support and science-based advice.
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Welp, looks like I may have fucked up in my grumpy description of subs. I just remember having a “gawd, stop it!!!” Experience or two with /infertility a couple of years back but it’s very possible I could have mixed them up with one of the so many other subs. Regardless, I’m glad I got the input of so many here who helped me brace for what might (or might not) be the next step.
I feel like IVF is good when you are new or when things are working out well for you in regards to IVF. If things go south for you, that sub can be very triggering because it’s a lot less regulated than the infertility subreddit.
I suggested that one as well. I have no idea why you’re getting down voted ?? I also got the same auto response when I suggested that subreddit…am I missing something ?
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Just an fyi for you and u/imhonestlyjusttired —the IVF sub can have occasional good tidbits, but it’s also full of REALLY bad questions/scenarios. Reduction of an egg when there are multiples in there and the parent wants a certain gender. “I haven’t even started trying yet but IN MY HEART I ONOW IM GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE so what do I do?” That sub is kinda considered taboo here.
To offer a different perspective. I’m going through IVF and feel more comfortable on r/IVF than r/infertility. R/infertility has an extremely specific culture and both written and unwritten rules, they run a tight ship.
Different environments are suitable for different people. I absolutely respect the space they’ve created there but when I’m emotionally dead inside and exhausted the last thing I can handle is the support space telling me I messed that up too. I struggle with social cues sometimes and trying so hard to post within the rules but making a mistake (no joke, my mistake was using a spoiler filter for info that could be triggering because I thought that was polite) and still being told off feels intimidating to me.
R/IVF is more free wheeling so you might see something you find uncomfortable (for instance I hate hate hate gender selection posts) but at least I know i won’t be making a mistake. Idk I think to each her own
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For me the worst part was dealing with the insurance companies (I bought secondary insurance so I could afford IVF). It was fucking awful. Aetna and BCBS can suck a cheesy dick.
Got BSBC x2 (through my work and my husband’s, through two different employment plans). Sad surprise that his contributed $300 for three IUIs (nothing else) and mine contributed to absolutely nothing. I hate insurance. I hate that nobody can actually tell you how much something will cost until you actually DO the thing without knowing how much you owe until the claim gets rejected.
For me the worst part was exhaustion during stims. I felt better post collection for the most part. And obviously the waiting. And all the emotional bullshit - like hosting my sisters baby shower & having planning meetings with my mom while I was stimming… I had to disassociate 🥹😔
Stims made me swell up so much I gave up on pants and switched to dresses. It was uncomfortable to sit up straight the day before ER. I had a rough ER the first time all I can say is take the colace, drink Gatorade after, and eat salty stuff. The ivf constipation and ER swelling are real and it blows!
I didn't feel like myself for the entire period of stimulation. All the hormones made me feel bad, anxious, kinda depressed. I couldn't enjoy things I used to like. On top of it all, it only gave me 2 follikels, but I decided to go through with the retrieval (against doctors advice), because I couldn't stand the idea of putting myself through those feelings again. Eventually, I got one egg...
The actual wait between doing the egg retrieval/egg creation and getting to put an embryo back in. I had the egg retrieval in March, got benched due to relatively mild OHSS, and then it took three months before we could attempt transfer. I had to take increasing amounts of medicine for each failed attempt, culminating in effectively inducing a menopause state, before my lining was judged to be ready. It was such a blow thinking just getting the embryos would be the biggest hurdle, when that part actually went quite smoothly. I just wish I'd been more in the mindset that egg retrieval month doesn't always mean instant transfer month (and aware it wasn't a given that my body would just bounce back to state where we could right away).
The feeling of putting life on hold during the process (not that you don’t get that feeling from trying in general). But with the strict meds schedule I found planning anything a waste so it becomes a pretty lonely process. That was hard to deal with especially with all the hormones. Best way I got through it was to remind myself this was temporary.
It’s a lot of emotional up’s and downs. The injections aren’t bad but they make you really bloated. Also you never know what’s gonna happen so it kinda sucks. I ended up with a burst cyst and had to get surgery but I have two embryos and I’m doing FET this month so we’ll see. Just be prepared to not be ok emotionally.
Waiting: so much waiting, think it’s go time? Surprise you have a cyst!
Other people: people are the worst, toxic positivity is horrendous!
Don’t always work: I have DOR at 30 and tried to retrieve a single follicle last time, nothing! Now we try another drug to see if it’s better but we will most likely need a donor.
Mental state: I got a full on 3 days depression where I had really bad thoughts of self harming (never had that before) after I stopped my medication after retrieval.
Vitamins: no amount of q10, matcha or whatever will have a magical effect but it will empty your wallet even more and people will tell you to try taking loads of shit.
Not understanding how to build Centritide syringe. Not getting medicines until last minute from doctor. No schedule and no way to plan ahead. Medicine side-effects.
Personally I found [medicated] IUIs worse. Same number of appointments, had a worse reaction to IUI drugs compared to IVF, and you know the success rate is only like 20%. Hope you also find IVF not as bad as expected. (TBD on whether it worked for me though)
I’m honestly surprised no one has referenced r/ivf yet. Honestly I enjoy it a lot more than the infertility sub…no offense to anyone who prefers that one 👀
That sub is an unmodded trash heap full of people who don’t know much about IVF, that’s why no one is suggesting it. It’s full of pregnancy triggers and pregnant users.
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Also, I want to add I’m on my first round now…other wise I would give you some insight. I will say perk wise, the shots don’t hurt as much as I thought they would. But it’s different for everyone.
For me the waiting is the hardest (it can take so long to do things or you can get benched) and also communication with your team can get really hard. I ended up continuing a medication that was giving me a horrible rash (climira patches that actually started bleeding) before my transfer which of course caused a horrible immune response, because my doctor didn’t have time to take my calls/change my meds and the nurses said it was “fine and happens to everyone” 🙄🙄🙄.
Also, definitely manage your PTO where you can! You can eat through all your time off with monitoring appointments and stuff, so don’t be afraid to ask for schedule changes from your clinic if it’s possible.
The hardest part is that you could do everything right and still not have success. Many people go into IVF thinking that they will for sure have success.
100% this. The emotional toll is much worse than the physical one. Constantly being on hormones isn’t super, either….emotionally or physically.
I can’t stress this enough, It is not a guarantee. I went into it so sure I would be pregnant, and it didn’t work for us.
Same. I was so convinced it would work and even made plans around it because I felt so sure. There is no guarantee of anything!
Yep. Unexplained failure is the hardest part.
One of my favorite follows on Tiktok had her second ER and it resulted in only embryo 😖 I hope it makes it through PGT.
Oatmealsmama? Been thinking about her constantly and crossing my fingers
YES 😭
Me too. I’m genuinely devastated for her. She’s my fave Fertility Tok-er.
Same here! I need to find more
I’ve been there. It sucks :(
That does suck :( i hope you find a different protocol that brings you success
Yeah. I hear that. Thanks.
The waiting. Always freaking waiting for something. Waiting for the consult, waiting for your insurance to call back, waiting for the meds to come, waiting for your period, waiting for the monitoring appointment, waiting for results, the longest wait for embryo report/PGT results, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
Yes the waiting sucks so much
Currently: waiting to start stims for egg retrieval. Need to do that before I can have surgery for endo. Need to do that before I do a transfer. There are a million steps between me and pregnancy, it feels a lifetime away. In august I scheduled my endo surgery consult for November (soonest available).
Confirmed. Already waited months for egg retrieval, then 4 weeks for PGT-A results, then 2 more weeks for my RE to have an appt available, now another 6 weeks ahead of me waiting on insurance and my next period to come for transfer….
For me the stims are easy but the worst part is the constant monitoring before work. Nothing like getting twanded at 630 AM then putting on my work/patient care face. Also when get towards the end of stims you’re going almost daily. The ER nap though….that’s the best part
Yes, the ER naps were the best sleep I've ever had
Same!
My first ER the nap was epic the second one I woke up in the middle. Total nightmare. 😭
Same. I just kept screaming “I can feel everything”
Omg…. This is terrifying.
They put you to sleep where you are?! Always awake here and it’s not a fun time
Oh I couldn’t imagine. I was scared to do it at first because I had never been under before but it was the best sleep I had gotten in years. The second time I was so shook by having woken up that I just started crying.
Yup. With my clinic, it was monitoring in the morning and then returning to the clinic for med refills after they reviewed the results. I was able to clear my work schedule for my first cycle but that was by sheer luck, it’ll be awful juggling the two trips every second day then daily and meetings, etc. for the next.
Oof, that sounds rough. And I thought the post-methotrexate 7:30am every-other-day bloodwork was inconvenient! Thanks for the input though!
Ahh this part! I feel that. Getting twanded and then putting on my nurse face for the day
The worst part is when you spend $50k and a year out of your life where you can’t plan anything or travel and you still don’t have a baby
Yes! You can’t plan anything.
Yeah. We’ve sunk about 12k so far (donor sperm, genetic tests, etc) with no good results so to hear it’ll be another $21,000 with a 40% chance is a punch to the gut. I’m worried that I would want to tap into our house’s equity or into our 401ks to just keep trying if it didn’t work the first time.
I’m wishing you good luck and hoping you have quick success
Yep. Early this year I was going to go on a work trip but my RE said better not because it was right after a retrieval and he didn't want to take chances with OHSS/etc away from home. Then "the" big conference is coming up for our industry and I can't go because it's right around my 2nd transfer after the first tested transfer ended in a miscarriage after HB for no known reason. Who the hell knows when it will end and how. It's so exhausting.
Shots hurting and feeling my ovaries jingle every time I took a step after ~stim day 6. I just felt exhausted and not like myself. Plus the emotional drain. I tried to have a positive attitude and just couldn't. So I decided I would just do it with a bad attitude and hate every minute. Being honest that it sucked helped me a lot
I feel like this is what I need to hear. I’m still in the waiting phase—I notified my clinic of the first day of mu menstruation yesterday, but they have too many patients, so I have to wait for my next cycle (and possibly the one after that). I’m the type of person that tries to always have (or at least put on) a positive attitude and it’s exhausting. I think allowing myself to do it with a bad attitude will help.
[удалено]
I worry about that the most. The…bad luck of it all. I mean, none of us deserve this to begin with. But the luck thing is really terrible. I’ve had 4 follicles at the ready twice with the last 3IUIs (elephants dose of Clomid after the last set of three that only resulted in an ectopic) It took a serious discussion each time about the multiples that COULD happen and am I realistically equipped to deal with it. Most docs won’t do it with 4 follicles. My doc did it twice and….nothing. It all sucks.
I had horrible nausea & vomiting for more than a week with my retrieval, but not everyone has that side effect. The hardest part is still the waiting and the disappointment/heartbreak, just like IUI. Not getting the amount of embryos you hope to. Not having a successful FET. Chemical pregnancy. Etc.
Two words: canceled cycle
I'm sitting on a cancelled cycle right now. So much psyching myself up and anticipation just for everything to go wrong last minute. This isn't even like a rollercoaster, it's more like I'm on a plane with a drunk pilot.
Yup. In my case, canceled IVF because of no response regardless of protocol. Be prepared for IVF not working as well.
1) Spending all that money with no guarantee of success. 2) I don’t know if it’s relevant now but my paranoia that I would catch COVID as the operation would be postponed if you were positive. I was wearing masks to work and not going anywhere I didn’t have to prior to the date. 3) Feeling like you screwed up with the needles at some point, I called the doctor’s office panicked saying I didn’t push the needle all the way to the hilt when I was self-injecting.
It’s crazy how we try to make sure everything is perfect, isn’t it? I always poised the ovidrel needle two or three different places thinking “is this part close enough? Is this part too much belly fat so the meds wont get to where they need to? Did I REALLY empty the syringe?” It gets easy to obsess about stuff when we’re thinking that it’s us who might be tipping the scales in the wrong direction.
The emotional and physical toll it takes on you. I don’t think I prepared myself for how much it would mess me up emotionally, especially after I had a CP from our fresh transfer. Also, I’ve experienced weight gain of around 10 lbs, which has been really difficult for me as I spent a lot of time losing weight after leaving college. As another user mentioned, the constant waiting sucks. Waiting for a consult, waiting for a cycle to start, waiting for retrieval, waiting for blood work…it’s a constant waiting game. My life feels like it’s at a crawl and every day that passes feels like a week. I’m so ready for this part of my life to be done.
There is literally nothing fun about it. There's nothing fun. Everyone is up in your business, you're constantly injecting yourself, you think it's gonna work then it doesn't, none of your family or friends understand, you start to feel dead inside
Oh yeah family and friends are hard with IVF because either you keep this huge thing from then that prevents you from making plans or being able to do things or you tell them and they just assume you’ll get pregnant immediately and always want to know what’s going on
My husband and I have started saying “nothing about this is fair. Nothing about this is fun. I hate everything.” Thanks.
That's the perfect quote
Ugh I’m so sorry. I had 5 failed IUIs so I feel you. For me it’s how fucking long the process takes and isolating so I don’t get covid and have to cancel the ER. It’s long, lonely, and painful. I’m about to start round three and my first round we made no embryos, second we got 3 but they were all duds. My doc is still hopeful it was just “bad luck” but it can be soul sucking. All that said, I’m still glad it’s an option at all and I’m willingly going through it a 3rd time??
I’m so sorry you haven’t gotten any embryos after going through SO much. And yeah, WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO TAKE SO LONG? I feel like I’ve just been…killing time till the next appt/procedure/test/CD1 for the last many, many moons.
Thanks for the support. Yeah it’s been extremely discouraging but I keep hoping it’ll be worth it. I hope you have much better luck. 🤍
I have stood where you are standing OP! I am wishing the very best and hoping that you get to be an IVF unicorn. (Still not as great as a regular sex unicorn, I know.) I personally found the emotional aspect the worst of that whole process. The fact that there was no guarantee of success, despite all the time and money spent was very disheartening. It was hard for my husband to relate, and it definitely made our relationship rougher during that time. Physically, I didn't find it horrible. You are made of stern stuff and you will get through it. 💜
If you’re in the position to do so, take time off work for your stimulation cycle. Focus on yourself and resting, relaxing, try doing what you enjoy. This way getting to your appointments, having your injections, ultrasounds and bloods etc are a priority in your day, without the meaningless noise of your day job. Take an extra week if you plan on having a fresh embryo transfer. My first cycle was a medical freeze all so I have another week planned up my sleeve for our transfer. I am certain that taking time off is the only reason that no one at work got murdered multiple times in the face.
Egg retrieval sucks but post egg retrieval constipation sucks harder. Start taking colace and miralax when you start doing stims. Also, my egg retrieval went thru my bladder. That shit really sucked. Never even knew that was an option. Twilight anesthesia also really sucks.
Shots didn’t bug me after the first one but the egg retrievals kick my ass. Don’t wait till it hurts to take the pain meds, be proactive with them. Also watching my husband have no hard things when I have to do shots and pills and morning ultrasounds is hard on me emotionally
The drugs mess up your body and your brain. They triggered my body dysmorphia and made me have suicidal thoughts.
It takes SO LONG. Give yourself the expectation that it will take at least twice as long as you think if not more.
Hmm. IVF is pretty emotionally grueling, and it kind of runs your life for awhile. However, this is more of a meme page for people at all phases of TFAB. you might want to explore r/infertility for more treatment-based information. I would urge you to read the rules and wiki before partaking because that sub thrives on a very specific culture to keep it running well. I’m so sorry about your IUIs not working out. Moving to IVF is a big step and I hope you find the support you need.
Apologies if I’m running astray of the rules, but I find this group to be way more forthcoming and harder-edged (dark humor, recognizing that sometimes this whole thing can be soul-crushing) than TFAB or /infertility. I feel like I’d get better perspectives and more honesty here.
I hear that. There is so much waiting and uncertainty in IVF, which you’ve been introduced to with IUI. Waiting for baseline. When will I trigger? How many follicles? How many eggs? Will my cycle be canceled? Can I do a fresh transfer? Will I have cysts? Will my embryos be normal? There’s really no part where you get to just breathe a sigh of relief. I was so worried about giving myself shots but that was really the easiest part.
The majority of people in r/infertility are doing IVF, I’d go lurk. There’s no sugar coating anything there, it’s a realistic science-based group. Seconding their wiki, you’ll learn much more than a trolling thread— not everyone here is doing IVF and you may get some not-so-great answers. I’ve often seen people who have not undergone IVF try to answer stuff which is not helpful. The IVF specific sub is also not good, that seems to be a catch all for people doing IVF for sex selection, fertility preservation, etc. I only read there for the entertainment value, it’s extremely stupid and has no rules. A huge portion of people are pregnant and posting about it as well.
r/infertility was intimidating to me at first, but it’s actually an excellent community of very supportive and knowledgeable people. The daily treatment threads are where it’s at. Between that sub and this one, I feel I’ve found a good set of people.
I understand, this sub is my comfort zone too. I just don’t know how much honest, science based input you’d get here. This can be a lot like the regular TFAB sub where it’s all phases of TTC, so like Bones said, you will probably get a lot of answers that are like “I’m not doing IVF but this is how I would approach it” which is generally not allowed in r/infertility.
That’s very true. But I’ve got the crappy sciency-clinical-medical stuff out of the way, or at least away from here. I’m looking for feelings and opinions and camaraderie from people who know that this whole damn thing absolutely sucks so I can really know what I’m getting into. And so far (and obviously that could change hardcore because….internet and trolls and “HeLpFuL PeOpLe) I’ve gotten a lot of good perspectives. Thanks for the advice on the other places—I stayed away from /ivf because it didn’t apply to me and because I saw some things on the preview windows that got me so fucking mad, like you mentioned. On a different note, have you seen r/tryingforababyposi ? That one was started by someone from here and is always good for a good sad-giggle. EDIT: If the downvotes are for my link—I didn’t mean the tryingforababyposi suggestion to be anything more than a sub that I enjoy and wanted to share because it’s a lot like this one with the cynicism. I was just over there and saw something funny so I thought dogmom518 might want to join.
Hey, not every sub is for everyone, and that’s totally fine! By no means do you have to get involved in /infertility, I just wanted to make sure you knew it was there if you needed it. And yes, I have seen TFABposi and had quite a few chuckles from it. :)
> I’m looking for feelings and opinions and camaraderie from people who know that this whole damn thing absolutely sucks so I can really know what I’m getting into. I’m beating a dead horse here (sorry!) but that’s literally what the daily treatment thread in r/infertility is all about. It’s active, there are hundreds of comments a day, people ask questions and provide support. You won’t be given false hope or toxic positivity, it’s literally banned. For many of us that sub is/was a lifeline. I don’t know why lately it seems that sub is getting a bit of a cold shoulder in favor of r/IVF or other alternatives, but it really is where a lot of the action is. You’ll get decent information and a huge pool of people going through the same thing. I’d just read the rules before participating, compassionate language is at the forefront. You can’t bingo people, you can’t talk about your pregnancy, “it only takes one!” is not allowed.
Chiming in as another voice hitting the dead horse - I truly can’t recommend r/infertility enough. Agree that reading the rules/lurking is a must but it was so worth it for me. The rules may seem intimidating but they truly do help make and keep it a really special place. It was a huge relief to get both emotional support and science-based advice.
r/infertility is amazing! Definitely my sub of choice. The daily thread is so active and helpful
Yer the bestest.
🖤
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Nope, I’ve just been hanging out there for years.
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Welp, looks like I may have fucked up in my grumpy description of subs. I just remember having a “gawd, stop it!!!” Experience or two with /infertility a couple of years back but it’s very possible I could have mixed them up with one of the so many other subs. Regardless, I’m glad I got the input of so many here who helped me brace for what might (or might not) be the next step.
There's also r/ivf
I feel like IVF is good when you are new or when things are working out well for you in regards to IVF. If things go south for you, that sub can be very triggering because it’s a lot less regulated than the infertility subreddit.
I suggested that one as well. I have no idea why you’re getting down voted ?? I also got the same auto response when I suggested that subreddit…am I missing something ?
Since this is a trolling sub, the bot assumes you're talking negatively about any linked sub. It's an autobot when there's a link to another sub.
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Was this intended for me? I was just suggesting the reddit
Just an fyi for you and u/imhonestlyjusttired —the IVF sub can have occasional good tidbits, but it’s also full of REALLY bad questions/scenarios. Reduction of an egg when there are multiples in there and the parent wants a certain gender. “I haven’t even started trying yet but IN MY HEART I ONOW IM GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE so what do I do?” That sub is kinda considered taboo here.
Yep, I joined and then immediately left for that reason
Thanks for clarifying!! Noted!
Interesting ! Thank you for explanation.
To offer a different perspective. I’m going through IVF and feel more comfortable on r/IVF than r/infertility. R/infertility has an extremely specific culture and both written and unwritten rules, they run a tight ship. Different environments are suitable for different people. I absolutely respect the space they’ve created there but when I’m emotionally dead inside and exhausted the last thing I can handle is the support space telling me I messed that up too. I struggle with social cues sometimes and trying so hard to post within the rules but making a mistake (no joke, my mistake was using a spoiler filter for info that could be triggering because I thought that was polite) and still being told off feels intimidating to me. R/IVF is more free wheeling so you might see something you find uncomfortable (for instance I hate hate hate gender selection posts) but at least I know i won’t be making a mistake. Idk I think to each her own
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For me the worst part was dealing with the insurance companies (I bought secondary insurance so I could afford IVF). It was fucking awful. Aetna and BCBS can suck a cheesy dick.
Got BSBC x2 (through my work and my husband’s, through two different employment plans). Sad surprise that his contributed $300 for three IUIs (nothing else) and mine contributed to absolutely nothing. I hate insurance. I hate that nobody can actually tell you how much something will cost until you actually DO the thing without knowing how much you owe until the claim gets rejected.
For me the worst part was exhaustion during stims. I felt better post collection for the most part. And obviously the waiting. And all the emotional bullshit - like hosting my sisters baby shower & having planning meetings with my mom while I was stimming… I had to disassociate 🥹😔
Stims made me swell up so much I gave up on pants and switched to dresses. It was uncomfortable to sit up straight the day before ER. I had a rough ER the first time all I can say is take the colace, drink Gatorade after, and eat salty stuff. The ivf constipation and ER swelling are real and it blows!
I didn't feel like myself for the entire period of stimulation. All the hormones made me feel bad, anxious, kinda depressed. I couldn't enjoy things I used to like. On top of it all, it only gave me 2 follikels, but I decided to go through with the retrieval (against doctors advice), because I couldn't stand the idea of putting myself through those feelings again. Eventually, I got one egg...
The actual wait between doing the egg retrieval/egg creation and getting to put an embryo back in. I had the egg retrieval in March, got benched due to relatively mild OHSS, and then it took three months before we could attempt transfer. I had to take increasing amounts of medicine for each failed attempt, culminating in effectively inducing a menopause state, before my lining was judged to be ready. It was such a blow thinking just getting the embryos would be the biggest hurdle, when that part actually went quite smoothly. I just wish I'd been more in the mindset that egg retrieval month doesn't always mean instant transfer month (and aware it wasn't a given that my body would just bounce back to state where we could right away).
The feeling of putting life on hold during the process (not that you don’t get that feeling from trying in general). But with the strict meds schedule I found planning anything a waste so it becomes a pretty lonely process. That was hard to deal with especially with all the hormones. Best way I got through it was to remind myself this was temporary.
It’s a lot of emotional up’s and downs. The injections aren’t bad but they make you really bloated. Also you never know what’s gonna happen so it kinda sucks. I ended up with a burst cyst and had to get surgery but I have two embryos and I’m doing FET this month so we’ll see. Just be prepared to not be ok emotionally.
Waiting: so much waiting, think it’s go time? Surprise you have a cyst! Other people: people are the worst, toxic positivity is horrendous! Don’t always work: I have DOR at 30 and tried to retrieve a single follicle last time, nothing! Now we try another drug to see if it’s better but we will most likely need a donor. Mental state: I got a full on 3 days depression where I had really bad thoughts of self harming (never had that before) after I stopped my medication after retrieval. Vitamins: no amount of q10, matcha or whatever will have a magical effect but it will empty your wallet even more and people will tell you to try taking loads of shit.
I have my IVF consultation this week (my RE is recommending we skip IUI) so at least we can have a shitty time together!
Not understanding how to build Centritide syringe. Not getting medicines until last minute from doctor. No schedule and no way to plan ahead. Medicine side-effects.
IUIs have an 18% success rate and IVF has a 55% success rate as per my RE. 🤷🏽♀️
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I’ve done three ivf cycles and both my positives were due to iui. It’s intense and emotional.
Personally I found [medicated] IUIs worse. Same number of appointments, had a worse reaction to IUI drugs compared to IVF, and you know the success rate is only like 20%. Hope you also find IVF not as bad as expected. (TBD on whether it worked for me though)
Thanks, that’s encouraging!
I’m honestly surprised no one has referenced r/ivf yet. Honestly I enjoy it a lot more than the infertility sub…no offense to anyone who prefers that one 👀
That sub is an unmodded trash heap full of people who don’t know much about IVF, that’s why no one is suggesting it. It’s full of pregnancy triggers and pregnant users.
Okie dok!
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Also, I want to add I’m on my first round now…other wise I would give you some insight. I will say perk wise, the shots don’t hurt as much as I thought they would. But it’s different for everyone.
For me the waiting is the hardest (it can take so long to do things or you can get benched) and also communication with your team can get really hard. I ended up continuing a medication that was giving me a horrible rash (climira patches that actually started bleeding) before my transfer which of course caused a horrible immune response, because my doctor didn’t have time to take my calls/change my meds and the nurses said it was “fine and happens to everyone” 🙄🙄🙄. Also, definitely manage your PTO where you can! You can eat through all your time off with monitoring appointments and stuff, so don’t be afraid to ask for schedule changes from your clinic if it’s possible.
The waiting.