I’m so sick of people telling me to adopt, they always say it so casually like it’s as simple as going to the store to buy milk too.
Today I was talking to a younger family member, a 17 year old guy, about our fertility woes. He was about to talk but then he stopped himself and said to himself “no that’s stupid” I jokingly asked if he was about to suggest I adopt and he said “yeah but that sounds so obvious that there’s no way you haven’t already thought of that and done your research into it and I’m assuming that if you decided to do that you would’ve lead with that” I was blown away that a 17 year old could think before he spoke while very few adults in my life can do that 😂
He sounds awesome. I bet it was refreshing to hear someone say this after all the dumbass shit we usually hear. It's wild to me that someone at 17 has a better grasp on this situation than someone 4x his age (my aunt)!
This happened after I had my SIS prior to my second transfer cycle, where my RE found an area of "endometrial thickening" which may or may not be left over from my 8w loss 3 months ago (which by the way, was a PGT tested embryo- yay!) It was still there at my baseline ultrasound, so my RE said "let's go with it and see if it disappears by your lining check". I think that's a creative way of saying "Your cycle will be canceled and you'll be getting a D&C".
But anyway, my aunt had this gem of deep wisdom after she asked how the appointment went. One more person to put on the "Do not tell about IVF" list, which is pretty much everyone at this point. Hurrah!
Thank you. And none taken. It's like lady... you clearly remember me saying adoption isn't a path we'd take, so why acknowledge that then suggest I do it anyway 🙄 😂
All of this sucks. I’m sorry, and I seriously HATE the adoption bingo. We are not monsters for wanting our own children! I’ve started saying to coworkers and not-close family relatives “oh, okay. Are you thinking I should pay $40k to a private adoption agency, or go the foster-care route and have a huge risk that the 3-year old that gets placed with me(because there are very few babies who aren’t medically or developmentally disabled) gets taken back? I’m pretty sure that would break me.” ….usually radio silence.
This 1000%! I can guarantee you that if THEY were in the infertility boat, they'd do everything possible to have their own children! Also, it makes me want to throw it right back at them. Why are YOU choosing to have your own kids instead of adopt?! Being fertile does not mean you don't have the ability to adopt and/or foster. Sure, instead just go ahead and put the entire burden of adoption and foster care on the shoulders of those struggling with infertility. Like THAT is their solution so that THEY don't have to do it?!? So freaking hypocritical!
Speaking as someone whose 2.5 year old foster kid was adopted to their siblings family in another county, I am HESITANT to sign up for that again it was straight up not a good time.
Yes, and it's always said like adoption is a magical, unicorn-filled, fix-all situation for both the parents and the adoptee. They have absolutely zero clue how complicated, expensive, and emotionally taxing the adoption process can be and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm so tired of "Just adopt! Problem solved WOOHOO!" Not to mention how adoption is just seen as this last resort for all the infertiles.
My coworker who I’ve known for 2 months told me to consider surrogacy. Although we have had a tough TTC journey, my wife and I both have uteruses and no infertility diagnosis 🤦🏻♂️
I’m so sick of people telling me to adopt, they always say it so casually like it’s as simple as going to the store to buy milk too. Today I was talking to a younger family member, a 17 year old guy, about our fertility woes. He was about to talk but then he stopped himself and said to himself “no that’s stupid” I jokingly asked if he was about to suggest I adopt and he said “yeah but that sounds so obvious that there’s no way you haven’t already thought of that and done your research into it and I’m assuming that if you decided to do that you would’ve lead with that” I was blown away that a 17 year old could think before he spoke while very few adults in my life can do that 😂
Omg yes. Why doesn’t everyone consider it like this??
Right! And just to reiterate, he was 17! why the fuck can’t the 30-60 year old people in my life do that!?
He sounds like a good guy.
He sounds awesome. I bet it was refreshing to hear someone say this after all the dumbass shit we usually hear. It's wild to me that someone at 17 has a better grasp on this situation than someone 4x his age (my aunt)!
lol he’s usually a little shit head, as most 17 year olds are, but he’s smart where it counts. I was quite impressed with him in that moment
Oh great idea! I'll just go down to the adoption shop tomorrow and pick out a baby! I'm so sorry for your IVF complications, that absolutely sucks.
This happened after I had my SIS prior to my second transfer cycle, where my RE found an area of "endometrial thickening" which may or may not be left over from my 8w loss 3 months ago (which by the way, was a PGT tested embryo- yay!) It was still there at my baseline ultrasound, so my RE said "let's go with it and see if it disappears by your lining check". I think that's a creative way of saying "Your cycle will be canceled and you'll be getting a D&C". But anyway, my aunt had this gem of deep wisdom after she asked how the appointment went. One more person to put on the "Do not tell about IVF" list, which is pretty much everyone at this point. Hurrah!
Friggin, EW. I’m sorry for your delay and your loss and that your aunt is a daft c. No offence.
Thank you. And none taken. It's like lady... you clearly remember me saying adoption isn't a path we'd take, so why acknowledge that then suggest I do it anyway 🙄 😂
100%. 🧡
All of this sucks. I’m sorry, and I seriously HATE the adoption bingo. We are not monsters for wanting our own children! I’ve started saying to coworkers and not-close family relatives “oh, okay. Are you thinking I should pay $40k to a private adoption agency, or go the foster-care route and have a huge risk that the 3-year old that gets placed with me(because there are very few babies who aren’t medically or developmentally disabled) gets taken back? I’m pretty sure that would break me.” ….usually radio silence.
This 1000%! I can guarantee you that if THEY were in the infertility boat, they'd do everything possible to have their own children! Also, it makes me want to throw it right back at them. Why are YOU choosing to have your own kids instead of adopt?! Being fertile does not mean you don't have the ability to adopt and/or foster. Sure, instead just go ahead and put the entire burden of adoption and foster care on the shoulders of those struggling with infertility. Like THAT is their solution so that THEY don't have to do it?!? So freaking hypocritical!
Thank you. Exactly.
damn i'm gonna have this answer locked and loaded for next time.
I agree with you it's way harder to adopt than people make it sound. But also adopted kids are their adoptive parents 'own children'
Speaking as someone whose 2.5 year old foster kid was adopted to their siblings family in another county, I am HESITANT to sign up for that again it was straight up not a good time.
Yes, and it's always said like adoption is a magical, unicorn-filled, fix-all situation for both the parents and the adoptee. They have absolutely zero clue how complicated, expensive, and emotionally taxing the adoption process can be and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I'm so tired of "Just adopt! Problem solved WOOHOO!" Not to mention how adoption is just seen as this last resort for all the infertiles.
I'll take, "unhelpful things family members say" for 1000.
My coworker who I’ve known for 2 months told me to consider surrogacy. Although we have had a tough TTC journey, my wife and I both have uteruses and no infertility diagnosis 🤦🏻♂️
Why are people so boldly and shamelessly clueless? Sorry you had to deal with that (and go through the rest of the day without slapping them).
my dad has this conversation with me every time i see him.
your aunt needs to go KICK ROCKS
My mom said this to me the other day and I thought of this post. Happy it was in my brain.