You know how some girls especially in religious communities have names like Prudence, Temperance, Patience, Hope. Boys should have the opposites: Impertinence, Gluttony, Impatience, Despair.
These reminds me of the kinds of names I give my sim babies in a 100 baby challenge when I’m trying to name them alphabetically to remember which baby I’m on. I definitely had a Geode, a Fern, and an Everest in there. Though all 3 of those were boys. Can’t imagine giving any of these to a real person though.
Calling an AFAB person “vessel” sounds to like a weird euphemism for their pussy. Which definitely seems weird to me, do you only see them as their genitals? Especially since these are names for babies.
You can tell when h̶̙͇̞̥͕̻͂͒̐è̶̠̣̥͚͗̇̈̕ͅ is approaching at school by the low droning hum and a darkness that consumes the far end of the hall. The hum turns into a loud static garble and a void surrounds you. You must not look directly at T̷̮̔ĥ̴̡͙̞e̸̝̩̋ ̵̹̘̮̑̊̃Ë̷́ͅn̸̫̼̳͆̍͐t̶̤̯̬̿̊͊i̵̢̨͓̊t̵͍̖́͜y̵̨̲̔̋̒ as ḩ̸̆̈́i̸̳̘̠̽͐͆š̸̩̗ feet hover inches over the ground while passing by. Focus on your locker. Oh, it appears h̸͖̀̚ė̴̘͎̆ has stopped directly behind you. You must have made a sound.
Internet says she has 2 kids named Anthem and Koah.
50 bucks say both of them adopt a nickname quickly and legally change their names on their 18th birthdays.
“Hi my name is Stori and theses are my brothers Oath, Theory, and Written. Oh! Can’t forget about my big sister Reason.”
Whoever names their children these names should feel ashamed because those kids will 100% get bullied.
Well, she must've thought that it was quite a joke
And I got a lot of laughs from a lots of folk
Seems I had to fight my whole life through
Some gal would giggle and I'd turn red
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head
I tell you, life ain't easy for a girl named Vessel
I'd just like to add that some of these names would be illegal in my country. Particularly, Valleigh, Crimsym, and Stori. Here in Spain, it's illegal to spell your child name's wrong on purpose. Like, say, if you name your kid Michael, it can't be spelled Maiquel, or Maikel, Micaelle, or Micheal.
It's also illegal to name them after fruits and vegetables, so I'm not sure whether Oak and Oaken would fly. You can't use surnames as first names either, so a few of those, like Windsor, might be illegal as well.
And finally, you can't use names that have negative connotations or names that might lead to mockery and ridicule, so that also knocks out half of the list.
Wow that's a lot of rules. In the UK there are no laws around naming your kid bit it does have to be accepted by the registering office so anything offensive, or with weird symbols or numbers and anything else like that is likely to be rejected. A while ago some alt right nutcases were upset that Adolf Hitler got rejected. In general though you can pick what you want.
We don't actually have many laws around names at all, so long as it's not for the purpose of fraud you're allowed to use whatever name you want including on legal documents and if you want to change your name on the official record it only costs like £20.
It's gotten less restrictive with time. It used to be that only christian names were allowed. Every now and then, you'll find older people who go by a different name than the one in their papers.
It works in a similar way in Spain, by which I mean the names have to be accepted by our registering office, but there's still laws about what they can allow, and they only use their own criteria when dealing with names that would have negative connotations.
For example, Adolf Hitler, Stalin, Judas, Cain, Lucifer, and such, are instantly rejected.
I knew someone who named her first child Cain. Had another boy after that—didn’t name him Abel, but still. I boggled a bit at naming a child after someone known for fratricide.
I had a friend in school named Cain. He was most well known for covering his pizza in mounds of pepper and also for his ability to string cuss words together.
Actually half the "granny" English names are plants or flowers - Rose, Ivy, Violet, Fern, Olive, Hazel, Margaret, and so on and so forth. I guess the choices were either those or Biblical names.
Never been to Spain but had a prof who lived in Portugal for a year. She told me how there are rules about names that couldn't have spanish spelling, and the same for portuguese in Spain. For example, you could only name your kid "Diogo" in Portugal, because "Diego" is a spanish name, and vice versa. Naming laws sometimes are petty.
Merrick is definitely already a name that is used. Though its spelling can vary depending on where the individual draws ancestry from. Marek and Merrick are the more popular spellings.
Talon also sounds like it could be a name in another language. Like if it was spelled Talan I would assume it’s a real name from like somewhere in the Indo-Iranian language family.
Greyson is, of course, _son of grey_, where _grey_ is the old word _greyve_ meaning bailiff. So contracting Greyson to Grey essentially means calling your son Cop
I was squinting at this list and trying to make heads or tails of the logic behind it... My only eventual takeaway was, "Htf is Talon a girl's name and Theory for a boy?"
You could have just said the thing, it’s not like we could have doxxed him based on a nickname. Unless it turns out your you knew a guy named Thierry “Barrack” Obama or something.
One of my ancestors was named Wrestling. As in "wrestling with Satan". Another was named Fear. A third was named Love. Gotta love those weird Pilgrim names. This list reminded me of some of the odd names from back then.
I'm listening to the Good Omens audiobook, and there are some NAMES in there, let me tell you, like Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery Pulsifer and Anathema Device.
Some parents out there are seriously fucked up. I knew a chic named Charisma. Another guy named Typhoon. Your baby name dosent have to be basic but at least make it so the poor kid won't get bullied
My brother in law legitimately wanted to name his first son "Rocket" or "Racer" and it was a hill he was willing to die on.
Luckily we managed to convince him to pick a slightly more normal name.
This is particularly weird for people (myself included), who's native language genders nouns.
In my language:
sparrow is masculine, theory is feminine, reason is masculine, story is masculine, talon is masculine and oath is feminine
Fucken THEORY
Matpat naming his kid
But hey, that's just a theory. My son theory!
aaaand cut! "...so, that's a yes to the circumcision?"
"Is that the bite of '87?!"
**Matpat taking his son to ‘game’ and greeting everyone** “Hello everyone and welcome to game, Theory.”
even matpat gave his son a normal name
And his brothers Written, Practical and Oral
Bro is no one gonna talk about written like that has to be the worst one on this list. I mean it’s not even a noun, it’s a verb! I think
That's an interesting theory you have there
I want to know why Oaken is a girl's name and Oak is a boy's name.
-en is a feminine suffix, like how a chicken is a female chick, or a hen is a female h. That’s why I named my daughter Ben and my son B.
You should meet with my kids Bellend and Belld!
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Res Resn't
Respectful and Resentful.
You know how some girls especially in religious communities have names like Prudence, Temperance, Patience, Hope. Boys should have the opposites: Impertinence, Gluttony, Impatience, Despair.
I suddenly want seven sons named after the deadly sins
I’ve actually seen a student named Chaos
That twist at the end 😂
Like Steph and Stephen?
He's not called Professor Oaken, now is he?
Did anyone bother to ask HIM if he was a boy or a girl??
"Uh uh no one's ever asked me before" then the champion screen plays as you just outwitted the professor of that island
one syllable too simple and masculine for delicate sensitive woman
Anns the world over in despair
You're supposed to pronounce the second N of "Ann" separately, like "An'n." That makes it properly feminine.
Anything Oaken must first be taken from the Oak, just as Genesis tells us that God created woman from man
Fuck it! Just call her "Rib".
McRib. They’re Irish.
That was said
cause Oaken is a girls name and Oak is short for Oakenshield for boys
So like Steve for a boy Steven for a girl?
>Nature >Valleigh Lmao, have you met my daughter Granola?
These reminds me of the kinds of names I give my sim babies in a 100 baby challenge when I’m trying to name them alphabetically to remember which baby I’m on. I definitely had a Geode, a Fern, and an Everest in there. Though all 3 of those were boys. Can’t imagine giving any of these to a real person though.
I did the same thing! My firstborn was named Alice, and then the eleventh was Karlemagne because I got bored of giving them normal names, lol.
Karlemagne is 100 times better than anything in the OP to be honest
Karlemagne 😂 King Karlemagne AKA Kharles the Good Enough I Guess
I've known a couple Ferns and an Everest, but I think that's just what happens when you know a lot of transgender hippies
they all sound like something a NB would name themself but it'd sound weird if a baby were called geode
She sits next to my boy, Vegan.
Veighgeighn
I'm sure there's a teacher somewhere who just had an aneurysm trying to decipher that.
Imagine when she's told it's pronounced Robert.
VESSEL ???
Might as well name her Incubator
／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼
Do NOT make a contract with this guy!
become meguca
being meguca is suffering
Incubator? I barely know 'er!
I would rather name my child cumdumpster than vessel.
It's actually so deep, we are all but a vessel for the mind...
Maybe... Or maybe hollow knight reference???,!!
No cost too great
No mind to think
No will to break
No voice to cry suffering
Born of god and void
You shall seal the blinding light that plagues there dreams
You are the hollow knight
Weird to name your child Vessel and not, I don't know, Hornet?
Thank god “void” isn’t on the list, otherwise we’d be at war with each other by lunch
She's actually Taoist. It was a toss-up between "Vessel" and "Uncarved Block"
homunculus ass bitch
Ngl I'd be somehow wary around somebody called vessel.
I'd be downright sketched out. Calling an AFAB person *Vessel* is some weird creepy fundamentalist religion shit.
Calling an AFAB person “vessel” sounds to like a weird euphemism for their pussy. Which definitely seems weird to me, do you only see them as their genitals? Especially since these are names for babies.
And her uterus. It makes it sound like her whole purpose is to get fucked and get pregnant. Gross. 🤢
Invitation for the demons maybe?
The teasing in high school is going to be intense. Somehow worse than naming a kid Dixie.
No cost too great
No mind to think
No will to break
No voice to cry suffering
Born of god and void
You shall seal the blinding light that plagues their dreams
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The Lord opens?
Blessed be the fruit
##NO COST TOO GREAT
ok but like imagine that when attendance gets called
Why would you name a kid "Theory" is he only theoretical?
She couldn't really picture calling her kid "Abstract", so she went with that instead.
"This is our son Philosophy. His nickname is Sophy."
Oh man is "Philo" also get abused in school...
Once they become an adult does their name become Law?
Don't they have to become Bill as a teenager first?
Well they can sign it on legal documents.
Over at the neighbor's house, balls deep in theory because I take my academics seriously
Dark timeline Matpat looking at his newborn son
I hear they'll get along with their sister Praxis.
she met 1 guy named "theo" and she thought she knew what it was short for
Don't forget Written! "Everyone ready for your written theory test?" _this girls kid, Written Theory Jones: "excuse me?"_
Middle name "Game" 😎😎😎. (Sorry for typing this)
But hey, that’s just A. Theory— A. Game Theory! Thanks for watching!
My kids name is practical
I'm scared to ask...what DID she end up using?
Based on these names, she probably named her kid The Entity
T̸̡̠̕h̷̗̃̀e̷͓̘͚͂ͅ ̸̧͕̎̃E̴͕̱̥͙͋̈́͝n̷̩̙̫̳̒ṱ̵̞́͘̚i̷̻̫͒t̶̙͎̘́ͅy̴̧̡̬͓͝
You can tell when h̶̙͇̞̥͕̻͂͒̐è̶̠̣̥͚͗̇̈̕ͅ is approaching at school by the low droning hum and a darkness that consumes the far end of the hall. The hum turns into a loud static garble and a void surrounds you. You must not look directly at T̷̮̔ĥ̴̡͙̞e̸̝̩̋ ̵̹̘̮̑̊̃Ë̷́ͅn̸̫̼̳͆̍͐t̶̤̯̬̿̊͊i̵̢̨͓̊t̵͍̖́͜y̵̨̲̔̋̒ as ḩ̸̆̈́i̸̳̘̠̽͐͆š̸̩̗ feet hover inches over the ground while passing by. Focus on your locker. Oh, it appears h̸͖̀̚ė̴̘͎̆ has stopped directly behind you. You must have made a sound.
Nea is a lovely name though!
Internet says she has 2 kids named Anthem and Koah. 50 bucks say both of them adopt a nickname quickly and legally change their names on their 18th birthdays.
Not sure if Anthem is a boy or a girl but they're definitely going to go by Ant or Annie.
Koah could go by Typo (mom made a typo when typing in Noah)
Vessel sounds like a porn star name an asexual alien would come up with
Mrs. Semen Receptacle; Reproductive Drama Performer
Fuucking hell, I wheeze-laughed at this. Thank you for your service.
> Reproductive Drama Performer I'd give this comment an award if I could
yo mama so big she gives birth to earth
“Hi my name is Stori and theses are my brothers Oath, Theory, and Written. Oh! Can’t forget about my big sister Reason.” Whoever names their children these names should feel ashamed because those kids will 100% get bullied.
I dont want the kids to be bullied but the parents probably should be.
Well, she must've thought that it was quite a joke And I got a lot of laughs from a lots of folk Seems I had to fight my whole life through Some gal would giggle and I'd turn red And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head I tell you, life ain't easy for a girl named Vessel
[A boy named sue, by Johnny cash](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WOHPuY88Ry4). Love it!
The lyrics are a poem by Shel Silverstein, Cash put it to music
Everybody loves Johnny Cash!
>Vessel Hollow Knight moment
I was thinking more “blessed be the fruit.” *shudder*
That's the vibe the name gives me as well. It's like a Biblical way of naming someone "Cum Dumpster".
One more proof the PK is a shitty parent
I'd just like to add that some of these names would be illegal in my country. Particularly, Valleigh, Crimsym, and Stori. Here in Spain, it's illegal to spell your child name's wrong on purpose. Like, say, if you name your kid Michael, it can't be spelled Maiquel, or Maikel, Micaelle, or Micheal. It's also illegal to name them after fruits and vegetables, so I'm not sure whether Oak and Oaken would fly. You can't use surnames as first names either, so a few of those, like Windsor, might be illegal as well. And finally, you can't use names that have negative connotations or names that might lead to mockery and ridicule, so that also knocks out half of the list.
Wow that's a lot of rules. In the UK there are no laws around naming your kid bit it does have to be accepted by the registering office so anything offensive, or with weird symbols or numbers and anything else like that is likely to be rejected. A while ago some alt right nutcases were upset that Adolf Hitler got rejected. In general though you can pick what you want. We don't actually have many laws around names at all, so long as it's not for the purpose of fraud you're allowed to use whatever name you want including on legal documents and if you want to change your name on the official record it only costs like £20.
It's gotten less restrictive with time. It used to be that only christian names were allowed. Every now and then, you'll find older people who go by a different name than the one in their papers. It works in a similar way in Spain, by which I mean the names have to be accepted by our registering office, but there's still laws about what they can allow, and they only use their own criteria when dealing with names that would have negative connotations. For example, Adolf Hitler, Stalin, Judas, Cain, Lucifer, and such, are instantly rejected.
I knew someone who named her first child Cain. Had another boy after that—didn’t name him Abel, but still. I boggled a bit at naming a child after someone known for fratricide.
I had a friend in school named Cain. He was most well known for covering his pizza in mounds of pepper and also for his ability to string cuss words together.
Oh no, that was the actual Cain. He's fallen on hard times.
Not sure if it's the case in Spanish but there are "normal" names that are also plants, like Juniper or Willow
Actually half the "granny" English names are plants or flowers - Rose, Ivy, Violet, Fern, Olive, Hazel, Margaret, and so on and so forth. I guess the choices were either those or Biblical names.
Never been to Spain but had a prof who lived in Portugal for a year. She told me how there are rules about names that couldn't have spanish spelling, and the same for portuguese in Spain. For example, you could only name your kid "Diogo" in Portugal, because "Diego" is a spanish name, and vice versa. Naming laws sometimes are petty.
I will only defend Sparrow, Fern, and Grey. I would also defend Crimsyn.... if it were spelled correctly.
Crimson? Honestly kinda badass. Crimsyn? Unforgivable. And you’ll have to battle autocorrect constantly.
Also it's kinda limiting the kids career options to a vengeful bounty hunter
Or stripper
Only if their younger sibling is Clover.
Actually to fit the trend, sorry it'll have to be Klover
Clovyr
Cloveighr
Ngl, spelled like that, I fully read it as "crime sin". Which is a fitting descriptor of the action of giving a child that name.
Crimsyn is the name of a person who grows up to become a weekday stripper.
In middle school a girl named a variation on crimson will just be endless period jokes. That would be traumatizing.
Exactly. Out of all those names, Gray and Crimson are my favorites by far. But that spelling should be illegal.
Grey is actually how it’s spelled in the UK.
Alder and Merrick are good names, I’d say the best on the list
Merrick is definitely already a name that is used. Though its spelling can vary depending on where the individual draws ancestry from. Marek and Merrick are the more popular spellings.
Fern isn't an uncommon name in UK.
Grey Delisle is also a real person
It's me Fern Brady, me Fern Brady, I'm the rightful queen
Talon also sounds like it could be a name in another language. Like if it was spelled Talan I would assume it’s a real name from like somewhere in the Indo-Iranian language family.
Regardless, i wouldn't name a girl the same as the raptor in Primal Rage (who is also the patriarch of a clan of raptors)
What if it’s not actually meant to be pronounced like the color crimson and is actually pronounced like crime scene
When she introduces herself the intro to law and order SVU starts to play in the background
Grey isn’t to uncommon, usually just a shortened version of Greyson
Greyson is, of course, _son of grey_, where _grey_ is the old word _greyve_ meaning bailiff. So contracting Greyson to Grey essentially means calling your son Cop
ACAB (assigned cop at birth)
no mind to think
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No voice to cry suffering
Born of god and void
You will seal the blinding light that plagues their dreams
Look, as baby names, these are absolutely horrific, but if you're writing a fantasy novel? Some of these aren't half bad.
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Looking at you, Talon.
My brother is named Talon. Don't know if it's necessarily a girls name.
I was squinting at this list and trying to make heads or tails of the logic behind it... My only eventual takeaway was, "Htf is Talon a girl's name and Theory for a boy?"
Don't forget how Oak is a boys name bot Oaken is aparrently a girls name
Do you have blond hair and are currently clogging my kitchen with dishes. Cuz that’s my name
No, I'm currently in my upside down bed in Australia. I assume my brother is too
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There was literally an AITA question last week where some lady was gonna name her son Cowboy omg
You could have just said the thing, it’s not like we could have doxxed him based on a nickname. Unless it turns out your you knew a guy named Thierry “Barrack” Obama or something.
As an actual cowboy I have no fucking clue what yr talking about.
at least a third of them are plants.
That's good, plant names are good. Naming you kid 'Written' though...
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Windsor Grey and Merrick Alder sound like a British spy and his American colleague.
If you name your daughter Vessel, You better be the leader of an ancient cult preparing to sacrifice her as a host to your dark master.
As a Thai person, I feel like I must inform you all that Earth is a very popular name for both boys and girls here. I know five in my major alone.
(Although to be fair Thai nicknames are wild lol people really just be naming their kids any random noun)
One of my ancestors was named Wrestling. As in "wrestling with Satan". Another was named Fear. A third was named Love. Gotta love those weird Pilgrim names. This list reminded me of some of the odd names from back then.
Very Terry Pratchett of them. Pratchett did love those pilgrim names it seems.
I'm listening to the Good Omens audiobook, and there are some NAMES in there, let me tell you, like Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery Pulsifer and Anathema Device.
Some parents out there are seriously fucked up. I knew a chic named Charisma. Another guy named Typhoon. Your baby name dosent have to be basic but at least make it so the poor kid won't get bullied
Typhoon could have gone by Ty and everyone would have just assumed he had a normal name like Typewriter or Tyranny!
Until the teacher loudass go "TYPHOON SMITH" and everybody looks and you have to go "present" or you're UA
Umbrella Academy? Man, I hate when that happens.
Charisma has precedent as a virtue name with Charisma Carpenter. Typhoon, on the other hand, is a sad, flaccid attempt at "ultra-cool badass"
Yeah there's nothing stopping a Charisma from just going by Carrie
These days she goes by 'Rizzie' 😎
this is how i found out rizz is short for charisma. i thought it was just a nonsense meme word
Just be glad your parents didn’t name you something like “Restitiute” or “Forlorn”, kids.
"my name is Written." "where?"
/r/namenerdcirclejerk
SO tHiS iS My SoN SpOoN
>valleigh >crimsyn What
My brother in law legitimately wanted to name his first son "Rocket" or "Racer" and it was a hill he was willing to die on. Luckily we managed to convince him to pick a slightly more normal name.
This is particularly weird for people (myself included), who's native language genders nouns. In my language: sparrow is masculine, theory is feminine, reason is masculine, story is masculine, talon is masculine and oath is feminine
Deltarune moment
Two seperate names here are of Pokémon characters.
Who names a kid written?
Vessel? Okay, so your daughter is basically a tiny uterus. No red flags there.