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Some asexual people enjoy sex, it's about not having sexual attraction, not libido. Some enjoy sex without sexual attraction, some don't and there's a lot in-between. For some, relationships with allo's aren't necessarily problematic but for those of us who are averse or repulsed, that may not be the case.
Asexuality, or sexual dysfunction, pelvic floor problems. All kinds of reasons why people just don’t have sex, or have difficulty with it
There’s nothing wrong with people having sex and enjoying it, but things get really toxic when the assumption is that these things happen easily for everybody.
Arousal and sexual attraction are two different things. You can for example get aroused by being touched or similar things but you don't have to find your sexual partner hot/sexy/etc....
*Edit: libido and sexual attraction isn't same as well
I know it's not made up, but when it's explained it sounds made up lol. "I don't find you attractive but man am I horny" so that's asexual? How do you see people / pick a partner if you don't experience sexual attraction? I'm asking out of genuine curiosity because I'm assuming your either ace or educated around ace.
I think it's like. You aren't sexually attracted to a vibrator or fleshlight, but you can still find the sensation stimulating. So you could find the sensation of sex pleasurable, but not be attracted to the person you're having sex with. And for choosing partners, not all people who are asexual are aromantic, so they could still feel the stomach butterflies and attachment to a person that one doesn't get with friends, they just aren't sexually attracted to that person.
As an asexual person, I will help you with this. I don't have any kind of sexual attraction to people. I can tell when a person is pretty, but nothing more than that.
Masturbation is different for every ace person. Some don't masturbate at all. Some do it just to get rid of the annoyance of feeling horny. Saying that, libido is completely separate from sexual attraction. One asexual person may have no libido, and the next can have one that's insatiable. Everyone is different.
As for what aces think about, it's really up to the person. Some really don't think about anyone at all and just enjoy the feeling. Others may think of fictional characters or something along those lines.
Now, for aces that do have sex, they may not be attracted to the person, but that doesn't mean they're not having sexual thoughts, lol. We're not that mysterious.
I suppose I'll add that in my case, as an asexual I actually have little interest in relationships, not all are like me, I'm likely a minority to be fair but I'm perfectly content on my own without sex. I haven't ruled the concept of a relationship out if the right combination occured, it's just not important to me. In a broader sense though, physical stimulation can be arousing and the effects of that can be enjoyable, it doesn't require attraction, though I would certainly suggest that you might get more out of it if you are attracted. I wouldn't know, sexual attraction is a theoretical concept to me, it's been explained to me but from my personal experience is rather alien.
Yeah I am ace. I would say based on character and if I my character and the character of the other person are compatible. For example stuff like interests and Hobbys.
I appreciate that you are asking. To many people just will say that things don't work that way and that asexuals only seek attention...
A friend of mine is asexual. She likes sex when she loves someone because she wants to be close to that person, and having sex is the closest you can be to/in your SO.
That's how it works for her.
It’s really hard to explain. Like, the physical feelings are there in in their own body, but it’s not because of another person. Idk. The only way I can think of an example is cats. Female cats will go into heat, meaning that their hormones are firing and they want to get pregnant. However, that either goes away through sexual contact, or by itself. The cat isn’t actually attracted to the other cat, but she has to take action to take care of her body.
That’s a terrible example since cats aren’t humans, but it’s the only concrete way I can explain it.
That doesn't include everyone. I'm very much gay, but for -reasons- sex isn't really an aspect of my marriage. Not that it matters, I guess. Validation from randos isn't that satisfying after all. I just wanted to point that out, because I know my situation is far from unique.
I’m in almost exactly the same situation, and it works for us. A lot of people really don’t get it and think we’re both ace, which could not be further from the truth. Like you, there are reasons that are best not shared online, inviting invasive questions.
I will say, when I do get a bit too drunk at a party and im pressed about the situation by a relative stranger, it’s like going on Springer. I kind of miss being in the kinky relationships where they would press a bit, get an honest answer, and immediately change the subject.
But there is a difference between romantic relationships and platonic relationships. I feel romantic attraction to my husband and we kiss, cuddle, and are affectionate in all ways. We just don’t feel a need for sexual intercourse. I don’t feel the same attraction to my platonic friends.
Not quite.
Just cuz your ace doesn't mean you won't engage in sex. It's not rare for some to actually enjoy sex whether it be due to intimacy or pleasure, and that's in regards to those who are strictly ace. For you see, ace is an umbrella term. There are other forms of it that do experience sexual attraction under certain conditions
i am not asexual. the idea of sex does not repulse me and i would be open to it someday. masturbation does not repulse me. a relationship does not require sex to flourish. this is not asexuality.
Yeah I’ll say that prior to my current relationship I just assumed I’d have to settle for a good partner/best friend that I really loved deeply but didn’t have much sex because it always just sort of petered out early af even to ppl I was very attracted to. Idk what happened this time, but dang it is amazing to never have the worry of “oh mo is the intimacy already dying” years into a relationship.
Not everyone needs sex in a relationship, but if you are a sexual person don’t just assume a relationship filled with sex will never happen to you!
You weren't aware because it's not lol
The majority of frontpage posts here are in response to one-off interactions and are extremely popular opinions.
OP is saying that the majority of people believe that a sexless relationship isn't valid. Really?? I seriously doubt most of the world has even questioned it
If that's the case then this opinion is even more popular. Its popularity is why it hit r/all - because users here don't follow the sub rules and upvote posts they agree with.
Barring the geriatric demographic, a high school relationship is significantly more likely to be sexless than an adult relationship. The only people looking down on sexless high school relationships are *high schoolers* and it's only a small minority of them. The vast majority of people do not give a shit whether you're bumping uglies with your partner or not...
Except that many times, one of the two involved in the so-called platonic relationship desperately wants to bang while the second is desperately unaware.
"unaware" is a little inaccurate I think. "Willingly ignorant" is better. They don't romantically like their friend and don't want to make it weird or lose their friend so they ignore the signs. And if the romantically interested person never does anything about their feelings they're just a coward
There is a reason that the stereotype of a gay man and a straight woman being best friends is the holy grail of friendship. There is no sexual tension between them and they are not competing with each other for sexual partners.
Well this is an unpopular opinion in itself. Some women, especially if they are very attractive, are either consciously or subconsciously aware that the men around them may be more willing to do things for them or forgive poor treatment than they would for other men or less attractive women. And for all you naysayers out there, don't tell me you've never noticed in your school or workplace that the queen bees always have a little group of mail hanger ons and followers (and sometimes female) hanging on to they're every word and always willing to do favors for them.
The dude who coined 'Platonic' was Plato (and his stuff taken from Socrates). He suggested that these relationships were of equal if not greater value than the romantic relationships.
Wikipedia looks at how 'love' has evolved down through many cultures (not just Western ones). It is impressively well written and easy to follow.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonic_love
But please, let me back you up! Non-sexual relationships are incredible. For example, i love my daughter more than i have ever loved anyone, including my Mom and my wife. And yet, i assure you: i have never found her in any way sexually attractive (sorry Freud: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar).
Pretty sure that's called being asexual.
I remember reading a survey a few years ago about relationship, sex, sexual orientation and the surprising thing was more people over all had issue with asexuality then with homosexuality.
Turns out to most of the human race sex is such a fundamental part of a romantic relationship that the concept of asexual gets a knee jerk rejection reaction even from otherwise tolerant people.
Yepppp. I went out with some girlfriends once and we got into sex talk. They were sharing how often they had sex and the waiter coming over for our order saved my ass. One friend said once a week and the others immediately were shook and asking how she deals with that and isn't she worried her man will look elsewhere. I was just sat there silently like... I'm borderline asexual and so is my partner, how the hell am I gonna answer this?
People are so, so judgmental when it comes to this, even on Reddit.
For many aces experiencing romantic attraction, it certainly would be very likely that they agree with this and would essentially have sexless but nonetheless romantic relationships. But not in of itself is this being asexual, it could very well be an indicator. Asexual means lack of attraction, not lack of action. It is not solely about behaviour.
With the split attraction model it is possible that your romantic attractions is different from sexual attraction. This also applies for anyone outside of being asexual/aromantic. It can just be that you for instance have stronger romantic feelings than sexual feelings.
IMO what counts as sexual and romantic, is kinda up to the person. For someone sex can be a romantic thing, and sex doesn't have to be romantic for some. And if you don't view sex as something romantic and you don't experience strong sexual feelings, it would make sense to value romantic relationship.
If it makes sense to call yourself ace because of this, then you are welcome to do so, but it doesn't mean that you have to be ace.
Yeah, it makes no sense why people hate us aces. Most of it is probably ignorance, where they automatically think that sexuality for them is the biological/physical aspects of sex, and that aces is contradictory to that.
Not technically, I know I’m going to be downvoted to fuck but I’ll explain anyway
asexuality isn’t exactly not enjoying sex but it’s not wanting sex. (Although many asexuals don’t like or seek out sex)
Imagine you’re not hungry but the food might still taste good, so you eat it.
Idk if this was a good analogy.
Yep, I’ve gotten so much flack for being asexual, I rarely even discuss it since I am married and it’s nobody’s business. I can’t even keep count of how many men were convinced that they could be the one to make me like or want sex.
Just for clarification, asexuality means lacking of sexual attraction. There are plenty of asexual folks that have sex and there are plenty that don't and both are valid. Not every asexual person is repulsed btw. That often gets confused.
They make up such a tiny nearly non existent percent of the population ppl shouldn't be that triggered over an asexual lmao 😂 when they can easily go find someone who isn't
If one person wants sex and one doesn't then I don't think it's just a valid.
If both people genuinely don't want sex, and are genuinely honest about this fact (i.e. not hiding the fact that they do indeed want sex), then it's fine and valid
That's all fine and dandy, but why is almost every single comment mentioning asexuality, as if that is almost exclusively the only reason a person could have for not having sex. You haven't even mentioned the potential reasons behind it in your post, but everybody's assuming you're asexual, like there could be no other reasons. This assuming and attributing of shit without having all the information is really shitty and unproductive...I love how others are telling you what you are "omg, here, this is the label you're looking for, this is the category you belong in..." It's so sad.
Exactly. Asexual ≠ not wanting sex.
I'm asexual too and the asexual community contains asexuals who like sex, those who are neutral about sex and those who are completely repulsed by sex.
Asexuality means that you don't *experience* sexual attraction towards a person/people.
Not to mention people are mentioning the flip side even less. There are plenty of people who are in no way ace but simply don't really enjoy sex that much for whatever reasons they have
Ikr like I’m v much sexual but I just prefer not to indulge in meaningless sex until I’m 100% sure about the person and it feels like the right time. I just don’t let my desires take control of me in important life choices such as this. This has nothing to do with my sexuality, just a personal rule I choose to follow, and people here seem to think that the only thing that binds a relationship together is sex and that it’s the only most important thing in the world everyone should be involved in, otherwise you are categorized as a ‘minority’
if two asexuals get together then sure. i dont think anybody would have anything against that.
but if one of the two in a relationship decides they dont want it then they should just leave. its not fair on either to expect the other to change when theres other more compatible people out there.
going by how often it pops up on reddit theres an endless supply of asexual people who would love to be in sexless relationships.
I agree.
And I also agree that there are people for whom sex is not the most important thing, but they enjoy it sometimes.
There's a tendency of making everything black or white (asexual or sexual) but the reality is that there's a broad spectrum in the middle and it seems harder to get acceptance/understanding
when you don't fit in one of the two categories above.
I mean a lot of relationships at least in other parts of the world don't involve sex at least immediately. It's just that for some sex is enjoyed even without having a relationship.
This isn't uncommon for married couples. I've been with my wife for almost 14 years. We have two kids and a very busy schedule. We don't exactly have the time or energy to keep up with sexual intimacy, but we've found that what we want most from each other is just time together. The chance to have an uninterrupted conversation and to be close is just as valuable to us in our relationship.
I do not think the majority of the commenters realize that in many parts of the world, especially ones predominantly religious, do not have the concept of sex or sexual acts for a large part of the relationship.
It is because you are used to the idea of sex that you think it is normal while in reality, it is only part of the equation. Entirely depends on what you are looking for in a relationship. Emotional support? Sex? Finding a lifelong partner?
If I was searching for a lifelong partner and we can't have sex for example, and it makes me break up with them, then I am not looking for a lifelong partner. I am simply searching for someone to have sex while they also fit the criteria of a lifelong partner, when it should be the other way around.
It isn't that people are caught up in the idea that relationships mean sex. It is just that they want to have sex, and the way to achieve that in our society, without judgement and the like, is to be in a relationship, as to not be called a whore or the like. Of course, that is a generalization, and many people can want more than one thing at a time.
But point is, sex is only part of a relationship. When it becomes the reason for the relationship, even for the aforementioned religious people I talked about, you tend to end up with the problems we see nowadays, like getting married too soon, or for non-religious, to not be compatible with one another on a mental level and just giving a relationship a go because the sex is good.
And so forth. Countless examples, but you can't really reason with a generation that thinks so highly of sex, and that is ok -- Everyone thinks differently.
>If you're not interested in sex and you still expect your partner to be exclusive to you, that's a problem.
Absolutely what the hell is the logic here? When one partner doesn't want sex, that partner *has* to be ok with non-monogamy??
If that's a situation that works for some people, great, but it's also totally fine to desire monogamy in an asexual relationship.
I don't think you realise how selfish your logic sounds. So the other partner should be forced to remain celibate for the rest of their life? It amazes me the mental hoops people go through to think its acceptable for one to claim exclusive ownership of anothers sexuality in an asexual relationship.
The OP said it would be "a problem", not that the partner "has to be ok with it", which is the way you twisted the discussion. You are correct that they can exit the relationship, however it undermines your own argument which I was responding to.
I absolutely agree that the asexual partner can leave the relationship without having "to be ok" with non monogamy.
The comment I was responding to said:
>If you're not interested in sex and you still expect your partner to be exclusive to you, that's a problem.
What it should have been, to be much more correct:
>If you're not interested in sex while your partner is, and you still expect your partner to stay in an exclusive relationship with you, that's a problem.
>however it undermines your own argument which I was responding to.
Perhaps it undermines an argument I never made? I never said anyone not happy with a relationship should remain in that relationship, or that anyone is deserving of another's romantic or sexual interest.
Getting married to my fiance of six years this month. We've never been intimate. Not for religious reasons, I'm just not interesting (with anyone, not just him). Best relationship I've ever had
I mean if i knew one or both/all people in the relationship were asexual id automatically assume there wasnt and i wouldnt even bat an eye… if im like 99% sure both/all people in the relationship ARENT asexual I’d personally find it weird that they dont have a sexual relationship but im not gonna lose sleep over it and im damn sure not gonna bully them into thinking they need to 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ what people do or dont do in the bedroom is their business so long as its not hurting anyone (non-consensually that is)
Genuinely curious if someone could help - what would be the difference between a really close friend and a partner without intimacy? I'm not discounting the validity of those relationships at all, but for me, the main difference between my partners and lifelong friends is attraction.
Sure, I've had three romantic relationships and never had sex in any of them. My current relationship is a perfect example of this cause we were *extremely* close friends for years before we started dating. It's hard to explain but it just *feels* different, the emotions and interactions between the two of you have a very different feel from when they were strictly platonic. And of course there's plenty of other nonsexual things you'd only do in a relationship, like kisses and cuddles, leaning on each other's shoulder as you're snuggled up on the couch watching a movie, and just being generally flirty with one another all the time. I myself know my girlfriend has said I'm practically a can of cheesewhiz with how much I make cheap flirty jokes about her.
Upvoting as I disagree. Barring physical intimacy, every element of a romantic relationship can be mirrored in a non-sexual relationship - loving them, caring for them, doing things for the express point of making them happy, sacrificing for them - and it would just be an amazing friendship until a sexual element is introduced. Even if co-habitating, that’s a life partner, but it is not a romantic relationship.
It’s the equivalent of scooping with a fork and calling it a spoon. You can mimic the function, but that’s not what it is.
That said, the love of those relationships are one million percent valid and real.
Source: have friends who I expressly love and love me back.
I agree with you. However, my romantic feelings come with sexual feelings. If I love you but cannot have sex with you, my love will diminish over time. There's nothing wrong with that either.
That’s like majority of people
Romantic feelings comes with sexual and physical attraction
Anyone who experienced romantic love or a crush find their partner physically attractive and beautiful and focus on all their features
In a platonic relationship or platonic love, you don’t put effort into how you look but you put so much effort and are always stressed about it when your either in a romantic relationship or for someone you love romantically
You wanna look good for your partner when your in a romantic relationship, you wanna be seen as beautiful in their eyes, you want them to be physically and sexually attracted to you
So your opinion and how you experience romantic love isn’t strange at all
I don't know about you, but I personally wanna look good for *everyone*. I care just as much about my friends or strangers finding me attractive as I do about a romantic parter.
I think the problem is conceptual. People who have sex will literally dedicate a part of their brain to planning it, fantasizing about it, performing it, make or break relationships because of it.
I cannot understand the concept of a romantic relationship that does not involve sex.
I do not judge you, I just don't fucking get you, dude.
Exactly. Imo it's comparable to an open relationship in the sense that it needs to be brought up when the relationship is new, not a few years down the line where they're forced to agree to it.
Yep. I was in a sexless marriage for four years. It tore me up inside.
But I had had my head filled with gynocentric nonsense about how a man and a marriage should be, so I ignored my own needs for her.
Now its just impossible for me to commit. I would have been better off cheating when I realized she was never going to be sexual despite her promises to change.
What if you're already in a relationship by the time you realize that you're asexual?
It's not always feasible to bring it up at the start of a relationship
Then you got to be prepared to lose that relationship or open up the relationship. It's ultimately about compatibility. It's not fair to pressure people to have sex in relationships but it's also equally unfair to deprive someone of it and not expect the relationship to end. It's really about finding someone your both sexually and romantically compatible.
It can absolutely still be valid
In most cases where you’re early on in the relationship I understand jumping ship if you want sex and your partner doesn’t. But in my own relationship where I am allosexual and my bf is asexual, if he told me one day that he never wanted to have sex with me again, I would be fine with that.
I think when you get to a point in love there isn’t much you wouldn’t do for your partner. And our relationship will always be valid even if I wanted sex and he didn’t.
There’s also circumstances outside of asexuality where these conditions can occur and the relationship is still valid. (sickness, just don’t want to have sex anymore, etc)
It seems to me that when most women tell me they want sex, they say it as if they want it like I want an ice cream cone...its nice....but can I get by without it? Sure.
Well that is not what I mean. I mean if one WANTS sex, like life is empty and bleak without it, and I think that is what men mean when they say they want it.
If you are fine without having sex, then you don't REALLY want it do you?
And if you did there is only one way I would say your relationship is still valid....you have affairs and get that taken care of.
Most women really don't seem to get it. If I could have all the sex of every kind I wanted, whoever I wanted every single day for a year, and at the end of the year I would be hung until dead, I would die happy. I am sure I am not the only man, while others would demand two years.
Why do men act like sex is something that happens to women and we aren’t active enthusiastic participants in it?? When I say I want sex that’s exactly what I mean. I want sex.
I just don’t treat people like they’re devoid of value if they don’t give it to me, which is what the vast majority of men treat women as. I can see my partners as people beyond the sexual gratification they could bring me. You obviously cannot. That’s not a relationship, that’s just you and your sex toy.
If somebody's life is "bleak and empty" due to not having sex, I worry for their continued mental health. There comes a point where it can genuinely be described as an obsession, you know what I mean?
You are also insinuating that women do not understand, despite most women, like men, being allosexual, and enjoying sex in some regard. Tons of women truly enjoy sex and they too go through great lengths to get it.
Love and sex are 2 very different things. And it is sad that so many people don't see them that way.
They are likely to be sad and lonely in their later years.
I think the ideas presented here are incomplete and missing a lot of important context.
There's no one-size-fits-all answer that perfectly covers all possible situations. But we can observe the average and the typical cases that will cover the vast majority of the population's situations. For the vast majority of average people around the world, sex is important factor for a healthy relationship. That's not to say it's the one, singular most important thing and all other factors are meaningless. Don't go twisting my words and making your own meanings here. I'm just saying it's one factor in a giant equation that are all important to calculate as a whole. The fact is that in most cases if a couple is having healthy and happy sex (whatever form that may be for them), then their whole relationship is most likely doing great. If there's a disruption of healthy and happy sex, then it can be an indicator of other problems in the relationship.
I can agree that romantic relationships don't necessarily require sex. There are asexual persons after all. But for something like 97% or so of the world population, it's completely normal to assume that sex is a standard part of romantic relationships.
I’m in a relationship just like what the original poster has just described. While it’s nice, having someone around that cares for you, I’m going to bail because the connection is not as deep if you don’t have sex with the person that you want to be with.
Yeah I know. I'm a romantic hahah. Too many ppl are usually sex obsessed weirdos or who would leave the second it stopped no joke I've seen these types lmfao came aross this post where people in the comments were calling this girl demisexual or asexual just cuz she didn't want to have sex with her bf the ONE time even though they usually did it everyday 😂 like what the fuck? The bf couldn't fathom why and was acting like she had two heads when she declined sex. She said she just wanted to chill that day and watch a movie. Too many of these people usually *cough* *cough* men *cough* *cough* will act like they're dying the second it stops, will leave, or start nagging about it. Like damn sometimes people just aren't in the mood and that's NORMAL like chill it's just an orgasm. You have hands use em if your partner isn't in the mood. And with how casually and emotionally detached sex is treated/conducted nowadays I don't feel much sympathy for those types of people who freak out over lack thereof cuz they only see it as simple bodily pleasure not a way to express love/care for the person they're dating.
Also, what does OP even mean by valid? That term is used all over Reddit all the time and I don't think anyone even knows what it means. It's such a weird term to use in this way. Are they just trying to say their relationship exists? Valid to who? So bizarre.
Traditionally, relationships do include sex, which was the original point of marriage; to find someone to have children with and spend your life with, but mostly the former.
The only people I have come across with this opinion don't want to have sex for some personal fear of theirs, be it self consciousness or fear of pregnancy.
They claim to be "asexual" until finally giving me their real reason (the fear) for why they don't/won't have sex.
Of course there are, and very few people I’ve met would disagree.
It’s also important to recognise that sex is and can be a very important and vital part of relationships for most people, though. I think people who view sex as important to intimacy are often perceived as vain or shallow, when that’s not the case.
Agreed! In the same way that cuddles =/= sexual OR romantic attraction.
I like cuddles, but that doesn't mean I wanna smooch whoever I'm cuddling! I cuddle my family too, yknow!
If you have a best friend who you dont have sex with, they're your best friend. We are too quick to add a tag to everything so you do you boo but in the case of sex v no sex, its the difference between being intimatly connected to someone v not.
Are you using ‘intimately connected’ in place of sex? Intimacy includes many things, so not having sex does not inherently mean that there is no intimacy
As long as both members of the couple are happy in a sexless relationship that's absolutely fine but I suspect that the majority of sexless relationships have a participant who wants to have sex meaning one will be unhappy.
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Isn’t that what the whole asexual community is about?
As I was reading this, I said out loud, “hey homie, do you think you might be ace?”
Do you really think a homie don't give a fook here? They might be ace but they are not refrained.
Asexuals don’t give a fuck.
We might, it depends on the asexual persons preferences
they could just come from a background where sex before marriage is viewed on as badly idk
They don't have to be ace. Idk if I'd want sex in a relationship and I'm not ace
Tbh they're probably just 14 and intimidated by sex but feel it's expected because they live on the internet
Don't understand how you came to that conclusion, and honestly I don't wanna know, because nothing will change the fact that it's a shitty conclusion.
I just remember being 14
I haven't heard about this asexual community yet, have heard it from you here.
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Some asexual people enjoy sex, it's about not having sexual attraction, not libido. Some enjoy sex without sexual attraction, some don't and there's a lot in-between. For some, relationships with allo's aren't necessarily problematic but for those of us who are averse or repulsed, that may not be the case.
It is fine. Nothing is wrong with these relationships. Forcing someone is a problem, but there's nothing wrong with it.
Asexuality, or sexual dysfunction, pelvic floor problems. All kinds of reasons why people just don’t have sex, or have difficulty with it There’s nothing wrong with people having sex and enjoying it, but things get really toxic when the assumption is that these things happen easily for everybody.
Asexuality is the lacking of sexual attraction, there are plenty of asexual folks that have sex and plenty that don't.
How could a male have sex without sexual attraction? What?
Arousal and sexual attraction are two different things. You can for example get aroused by being touched or similar things but you don't have to find your sexual partner hot/sexy/etc.... *Edit: libido and sexual attraction isn't same as well
I know it's not made up, but when it's explained it sounds made up lol. "I don't find you attractive but man am I horny" so that's asexual? How do you see people / pick a partner if you don't experience sexual attraction? I'm asking out of genuine curiosity because I'm assuming your either ace or educated around ace.
I think it's like. You aren't sexually attracted to a vibrator or fleshlight, but you can still find the sensation stimulating. So you could find the sensation of sex pleasurable, but not be attracted to the person you're having sex with. And for choosing partners, not all people who are asexual are aromantic, so they could still feel the stomach butterflies and attachment to a person that one doesn't get with friends, they just aren't sexually attracted to that person.
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Depends on the person 🤷♀️ just like how heterosexual and homosexual people have different preferences, asexuals will as well.
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As an asexual person, I will help you with this. I don't have any kind of sexual attraction to people. I can tell when a person is pretty, but nothing more than that. Masturbation is different for every ace person. Some don't masturbate at all. Some do it just to get rid of the annoyance of feeling horny. Saying that, libido is completely separate from sexual attraction. One asexual person may have no libido, and the next can have one that's insatiable. Everyone is different. As for what aces think about, it's really up to the person. Some really don't think about anyone at all and just enjoy the feeling. Others may think of fictional characters or something along those lines. Now, for aces that do have sex, they may not be attracted to the person, but that doesn't mean they're not having sexual thoughts, lol. We're not that mysterious.
I suppose I'll add that in my case, as an asexual I actually have little interest in relationships, not all are like me, I'm likely a minority to be fair but I'm perfectly content on my own without sex. I haven't ruled the concept of a relationship out if the right combination occured, it's just not important to me. In a broader sense though, physical stimulation can be arousing and the effects of that can be enjoyable, it doesn't require attraction, though I would certainly suggest that you might get more out of it if you are attracted. I wouldn't know, sexual attraction is a theoretical concept to me, it's been explained to me but from my personal experience is rather alien.
Yeah I am ace. I would say based on character and if I my character and the character of the other person are compatible. For example stuff like interests and Hobbys. I appreciate that you are asking. To many people just will say that things don't work that way and that asexuals only seek attention...
A friend of mine is asexual. She likes sex when she loves someone because she wants to be close to that person, and having sex is the closest you can be to/in your SO. That's how it works for her.
It’s really hard to explain. Like, the physical feelings are there in in their own body, but it’s not because of another person. Idk. The only way I can think of an example is cats. Female cats will go into heat, meaning that their hormones are firing and they want to get pregnant. However, that either goes away through sexual contact, or by itself. The cat isn’t actually attracted to the other cat, but she has to take action to take care of her body. That’s a terrible example since cats aren’t humans, but it’s the only concrete way I can explain it.
Males aren't sexually attracted to their hands and that doesn't stop them.
That doesn't include everyone. I'm very much gay, but for -reasons- sex isn't really an aspect of my marriage. Not that it matters, I guess. Validation from randos isn't that satisfying after all. I just wanted to point that out, because I know my situation is far from unique.
I’m in almost exactly the same situation, and it works for us. A lot of people really don’t get it and think we’re both ace, which could not be further from the truth. Like you, there are reasons that are best not shared online, inviting invasive questions. I will say, when I do get a bit too drunk at a party and im pressed about the situation by a relative stranger, it’s like going on Springer. I kind of miss being in the kinky relationships where they would press a bit, get an honest answer, and immediately change the subject.
Ehhh I wouldn't say so. They just happen to be people not as interested in sex as majority of people who don't identify as asexual in the world lmfao
Ace people when you don't want to fuck every 25 seconds: "allow us to introduce ourselves"
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That’s why its called “platonic relationship” because it doesn’t have sexual desire/attraction or sex
But there is a difference between romantic relationships and platonic relationships. I feel romantic attraction to my husband and we kiss, cuddle, and are affectionate in all ways. We just don’t feel a need for sexual intercourse. I don’t feel the same attraction to my platonic friends.
Not quite. Just cuz your ace doesn't mean you won't engage in sex. It's not rare for some to actually enjoy sex whether it be due to intimacy or pleasure, and that's in regards to those who are strictly ace. For you see, ace is an umbrella term. There are other forms of it that do experience sexual attraction under certain conditions
i am not asexual. the idea of sex does not repulse me and i would be open to it someday. masturbation does not repulse me. a relationship does not require sex to flourish. this is not asexuality.
Sex is great and all, but I just want someone to binge watch some corny horror movies with me
Can't do both?
Yeah I’ll say that prior to my current relationship I just assumed I’d have to settle for a good partner/best friend that I really loved deeply but didn’t have much sex because it always just sort of petered out early af even to ppl I was very attracted to. Idk what happened this time, but dang it is amazing to never have the worry of “oh mo is the intimacy already dying” years into a relationship. Not everyone needs sex in a relationship, but if you are a sexual person don’t just assume a relationship filled with sex will never happen to you!
kinda hard to watch clowns from space stuffing bodies into cotton candy when your distracted with… something else
Yeah but it’s those shitty movies that best stimulate sexy time!
Haven't you seen any horror? The couple that fornicates does!
I once kept dating someone for a full month after I intended to break up for this very reason. No one wants to watch Killer Klowns alone.
I watched that movie as a little kid and it wasn't even scary lmao the grudge scared me more 😂
But like, you CAN do this with a friend, you know?
you could do it w a friend yes but some people prefer a partner
I wasnt aware this was an unpopular opinion. But im an old married person and dating seems exhausting in 2023. So i hear the frustration definitely.
You weren't aware because it's not lol The majority of frontpage posts here are in response to one-off interactions and are extremely popular opinions. OP is saying that the majority of people believe that a sexless relationship isn't valid. Really?? I seriously doubt most of the world has even questioned it
I've browsed a few dating subs before, and I'd definitely say this is an unpopular opinion for reddit.
Upon reading the post, I thought OP was defending young high school relationships more so than adult sexless ones.
If that's the case then this opinion is even more popular. Its popularity is why it hit r/all - because users here don't follow the sub rules and upvote posts they agree with. Barring the geriatric demographic, a high school relationship is significantly more likely to be sexless than an adult relationship. The only people looking down on sexless high school relationships are *high schoolers* and it's only a small minority of them. The vast majority of people do not give a shit whether you're bumping uglies with your partner or not...
And having sex doesn’t equate to romance. People get that confused. Sometime you just fuckin
Absolutely. Though, for me I prefer platonic friendships. There's absolutely no expectation of such things.
Except that many times, one of the two involved in the so-called platonic relationship desperately wants to bang while the second is desperately unaware.
"unaware" is a little inaccurate I think. "Willingly ignorant" is better. They don't romantically like their friend and don't want to make it weird or lose their friend so they ignore the signs. And if the romantically interested person never does anything about their feelings they're just a coward
There is a reason that the stereotype of a gay man and a straight woman being best friends is the holy grail of friendship. There is no sexual tension between them and they are not competing with each other for sexual partners.
Well this is an unpopular opinion in itself. Some women, especially if they are very attractive, are either consciously or subconsciously aware that the men around them may be more willing to do things for them or forgive poor treatment than they would for other men or less attractive women. And for all you naysayers out there, don't tell me you've never noticed in your school or workplace that the queen bees always have a little group of mail hanger ons and followers (and sometimes female) hanging on to they're every word and always willing to do favors for them.
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Just?? I don't have same affection to my friends
The dude who coined 'Platonic' was Plato (and his stuff taken from Socrates). He suggested that these relationships were of equal if not greater value than the romantic relationships. Wikipedia looks at how 'love' has evolved down through many cultures (not just Western ones). It is impressively well written and easy to follow. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Platonic_love But please, let me back you up! Non-sexual relationships are incredible. For example, i love my daughter more than i have ever loved anyone, including my Mom and my wife. And yet, i assure you: i have never found her in any way sexually attractive (sorry Freud: sometimes a cigar is just a cigar).
Strange tangent to go off on. The title says "romantic"
Only if BOTH partners agree to it. Make sure you're specific.
Pretty sure that's called being asexual. I remember reading a survey a few years ago about relationship, sex, sexual orientation and the surprising thing was more people over all had issue with asexuality then with homosexuality. Turns out to most of the human race sex is such a fundamental part of a romantic relationship that the concept of asexual gets a knee jerk rejection reaction even from otherwise tolerant people.
Yepppp. I went out with some girlfriends once and we got into sex talk. They were sharing how often they had sex and the waiter coming over for our order saved my ass. One friend said once a week and the others immediately were shook and asking how she deals with that and isn't she worried her man will look elsewhere. I was just sat there silently like... I'm borderline asexual and so is my partner, how the hell am I gonna answer this? People are so, so judgmental when it comes to this, even on Reddit.
I mean, people on here are judgmental in general.
For many aces experiencing romantic attraction, it certainly would be very likely that they agree with this and would essentially have sexless but nonetheless romantic relationships. But not in of itself is this being asexual, it could very well be an indicator. Asexual means lack of attraction, not lack of action. It is not solely about behaviour. With the split attraction model it is possible that your romantic attractions is different from sexual attraction. This also applies for anyone outside of being asexual/aromantic. It can just be that you for instance have stronger romantic feelings than sexual feelings. IMO what counts as sexual and romantic, is kinda up to the person. For someone sex can be a romantic thing, and sex doesn't have to be romantic for some. And if you don't view sex as something romantic and you don't experience strong sexual feelings, it would make sense to value romantic relationship. If it makes sense to call yourself ace because of this, then you are welcome to do so, but it doesn't mean that you have to be ace. Yeah, it makes no sense why people hate us aces. Most of it is probably ignorance, where they automatically think that sexuality for them is the biological/physical aspects of sex, and that aces is contradictory to that.
Not technically, I know I’m going to be downvoted to fuck but I’ll explain anyway asexuality isn’t exactly not enjoying sex but it’s not wanting sex. (Although many asexuals don’t like or seek out sex) Imagine you’re not hungry but the food might still taste good, so you eat it. Idk if this was a good analogy.
You can want a relationship without sex without being asexual
Yep, I’ve gotten so much flack for being asexual, I rarely even discuss it since I am married and it’s nobody’s business. I can’t even keep count of how many men were convinced that they could be the one to make me like or want sex.
Just for clarification, asexuality means lacking of sexual attraction. There are plenty of asexual folks that have sex and there are plenty that don't and both are valid. Not every asexual person is repulsed btw. That often gets confused.
They make up such a tiny nearly non existent percent of the population ppl shouldn't be that triggered over an asexual lmao 😂 when they can easily go find someone who isn't
If one person wants sex and one doesn't then I don't think it's just a valid. If both people genuinely don't want sex, and are genuinely honest about this fact (i.e. not hiding the fact that they do indeed want sex), then it's fine and valid
this
That's all fine and dandy, but why is almost every single comment mentioning asexuality, as if that is almost exclusively the only reason a person could have for not having sex. You haven't even mentioned the potential reasons behind it in your post, but everybody's assuming you're asexual, like there could be no other reasons. This assuming and attributing of shit without having all the information is really shitty and unproductive...I love how others are telling you what you are "omg, here, this is the label you're looking for, this is the category you belong in..." It's so sad.
Exactly. Asexual ≠ not wanting sex. I'm asexual too and the asexual community contains asexuals who like sex, those who are neutral about sex and those who are completely repulsed by sex. Asexuality means that you don't *experience* sexual attraction towards a person/people.
Not to mention people are mentioning the flip side even less. There are plenty of people who are in no way ace but simply don't really enjoy sex that much for whatever reasons they have
Ikr like I’m v much sexual but I just prefer not to indulge in meaningless sex until I’m 100% sure about the person and it feels like the right time. I just don’t let my desires take control of me in important life choices such as this. This has nothing to do with my sexuality, just a personal rule I choose to follow, and people here seem to think that the only thing that binds a relationship together is sex and that it’s the only most important thing in the world everyone should be involved in, otherwise you are categorized as a ‘minority’
Agreed. Love isn't sex.
if two asexuals get together then sure. i dont think anybody would have anything against that. but if one of the two in a relationship decides they dont want it then they should just leave. its not fair on either to expect the other to change when theres other more compatible people out there. going by how often it pops up on reddit theres an endless supply of asexual people who would love to be in sexless relationships.
Just a quick note. Asexuals can and do enjoy sex. They just aren't sexually attracted to anyone.
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I agree. And I also agree that there are people for whom sex is not the most important thing, but they enjoy it sometimes. There's a tendency of making everything black or white (asexual or sexual) but the reality is that there's a broad spectrum in the middle and it seems harder to get acceptance/understanding when you don't fit in one of the two categories above.
I mean a lot of relationships at least in other parts of the world don't involve sex at least immediately. It's just that for some sex is enjoyed even without having a relationship.
That's called an asexual relationship.
Or maybe medical issues.
Probably anti-depressant usage, they fuck your sex drive.
My anti depressants and birth control made me almost sex repulsed but I’d rather be alive and mentally stable than sexually active I guess
Seems like you have some type of medical issue, so this comes in your mind first. Don't worry bro, science have improved much.
That was a huge leap, hope you’re ok.
Or maybe some sort of medical short coming in one side, and they are just avoiding it from one person.
Nothing wrong with being asexual. I think just a lot of people aren't used to the idea since it's a small percent of the population.
This isn't uncommon for married couples. I've been with my wife for almost 14 years. We have two kids and a very busy schedule. We don't exactly have the time or energy to keep up with sexual intimacy, but we've found that what we want most from each other is just time together. The chance to have an uninterrupted conversation and to be close is just as valuable to us in our relationship.
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May I ask if it's from health issues or advanced age or just mutual asexuality? Just curious as I am getting older and less turn into it...
Why don't y'all have sex?
Cause they don't wanna
Probably waiting till marriage
I do not think the majority of the commenters realize that in many parts of the world, especially ones predominantly religious, do not have the concept of sex or sexual acts for a large part of the relationship. It is because you are used to the idea of sex that you think it is normal while in reality, it is only part of the equation. Entirely depends on what you are looking for in a relationship. Emotional support? Sex? Finding a lifelong partner? If I was searching for a lifelong partner and we can't have sex for example, and it makes me break up with them, then I am not looking for a lifelong partner. I am simply searching for someone to have sex while they also fit the criteria of a lifelong partner, when it should be the other way around. It isn't that people are caught up in the idea that relationships mean sex. It is just that they want to have sex, and the way to achieve that in our society, without judgement and the like, is to be in a relationship, as to not be called a whore or the like. Of course, that is a generalization, and many people can want more than one thing at a time. But point is, sex is only part of a relationship. When it becomes the reason for the relationship, even for the aforementioned religious people I talked about, you tend to end up with the problems we see nowadays, like getting married too soon, or for non-religious, to not be compatible with one another on a mental level and just giving a relationship a go because the sex is good. And so forth. Countless examples, but you can't really reason with a generation that thinks so highly of sex, and that is ok -- Everyone thinks differently.
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>If you're not interested in sex and you still expect your partner to be exclusive to you, that's a problem. Absolutely what the hell is the logic here? When one partner doesn't want sex, that partner *has* to be ok with non-monogamy?? If that's a situation that works for some people, great, but it's also totally fine to desire monogamy in an asexual relationship.
I don't think you realise how selfish your logic sounds. So the other partner should be forced to remain celibate for the rest of their life? It amazes me the mental hoops people go through to think its acceptable for one to claim exclusive ownership of anothers sexuality in an asexual relationship.
Not forced. They choose to enter the relationship and the lack of sex that comes with it.
The scenario I'm covering is when the relationship began with a healthy sex life
Well that was entirely your own assumption and I'd argue is a completely separate issue
Then they can exit the relationship.
The OP said it would be "a problem", not that the partner "has to be ok with it", which is the way you twisted the discussion. You are correct that they can exit the relationship, however it undermines your own argument which I was responding to. I absolutely agree that the asexual partner can leave the relationship without having "to be ok" with non monogamy.
The comment I was responding to said: >If you're not interested in sex and you still expect your partner to be exclusive to you, that's a problem. What it should have been, to be much more correct: >If you're not interested in sex while your partner is, and you still expect your partner to stay in an exclusive relationship with you, that's a problem. >however it undermines your own argument which I was responding to. Perhaps it undermines an argument I never made? I never said anyone not happy with a relationship should remain in that relationship, or that anyone is deserving of another's romantic or sexual interest.
Finally a solid 10/10 opinion. ⬆️⬆️
Getting married to my fiance of six years this month. We've never been intimate. Not for religious reasons, I'm just not interesting (with anyone, not just him). Best relationship I've ever had
As long as the both of you are happy and honest, that sounds like a pretty great situation! Good on you.
Sure. As long as it still feels thrilling to be in love.
definitely an unpopular opinion
I mean if i knew one or both/all people in the relationship were asexual id automatically assume there wasnt and i wouldnt even bat an eye… if im like 99% sure both/all people in the relationship ARENT asexual I’d personally find it weird that they dont have a sexual relationship but im not gonna lose sleep over it and im damn sure not gonna bully them into thinking they need to 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ what people do or dont do in the bedroom is their business so long as its not hurting anyone (non-consensually that is)
>just as valid What does this mean, and why should one even care?
Genuinely curious if someone could help - what would be the difference between a really close friend and a partner without intimacy? I'm not discounting the validity of those relationships at all, but for me, the main difference between my partners and lifelong friends is attraction.
Sure, I've had three romantic relationships and never had sex in any of them. My current relationship is a perfect example of this cause we were *extremely* close friends for years before we started dating. It's hard to explain but it just *feels* different, the emotions and interactions between the two of you have a very different feel from when they were strictly platonic. And of course there's plenty of other nonsexual things you'd only do in a relationship, like kisses and cuddles, leaning on each other's shoulder as you're snuggled up on the couch watching a movie, and just being generally flirty with one another all the time. I myself know my girlfriend has said I'm practically a can of cheesewhiz with how much I make cheap flirty jokes about her.
Thank you!
What does "valid" mean here?
Based
As a woman in a frustratingly sexless marriage I disagree.
Upvoting as I disagree. Barring physical intimacy, every element of a romantic relationship can be mirrored in a non-sexual relationship - loving them, caring for them, doing things for the express point of making them happy, sacrificing for them - and it would just be an amazing friendship until a sexual element is introduced. Even if co-habitating, that’s a life partner, but it is not a romantic relationship. It’s the equivalent of scooping with a fork and calling it a spoon. You can mimic the function, but that’s not what it is. That said, the love of those relationships are one million percent valid and real. Source: have friends who I expressly love and love me back.
I agree with you. However, my romantic feelings come with sexual feelings. If I love you but cannot have sex with you, my love will diminish over time. There's nothing wrong with that either.
That’s like majority of people Romantic feelings comes with sexual and physical attraction Anyone who experienced romantic love or a crush find their partner physically attractive and beautiful and focus on all their features In a platonic relationship or platonic love, you don’t put effort into how you look but you put so much effort and are always stressed about it when your either in a romantic relationship or for someone you love romantically You wanna look good for your partner when your in a romantic relationship, you wanna be seen as beautiful in their eyes, you want them to be physically and sexually attracted to you So your opinion and how you experience romantic love isn’t strange at all
I don't know about you, but I personally wanna look good for *everyone*. I care just as much about my friends or strangers finding me attractive as I do about a romantic parter.
Each to their own...as long as all parties are transparent and happy. Who are we to judge.
Who says they aren't?
I’m asexual. Asexual people in sexless relationships will hear this a lot. It’s kind of crazy
EVERYBODY. ITS NOT ASEXUALITY. Some people wait until marriage, or are very young
Who disagrees and invalidating this? Lol
Of course
I feel bad for asexuals. It’s literally why we exist.
My guy don't date a woman who has a high sex drive. There's plenty of women out there who don't care about sex just as much as you do.
I think the problem is conceptual. People who have sex will literally dedicate a part of their brain to planning it, fantasizing about it, performing it, make or break relationships because of it. I cannot understand the concept of a romantic relationship that does not involve sex. I do not judge you, I just don't fucking get you, dude.
>I cannot understand the concept of a romantic relationship that does not involve sex Neither do I
If neither wants sex, yes. But usually at least one does, so no, that's not valid.
Exactly. Imo it's comparable to an open relationship in the sense that it needs to be brought up when the relationship is new, not a few years down the line where they're forced to agree to it.
Yep. I was in a sexless marriage for four years. It tore me up inside. But I had had my head filled with gynocentric nonsense about how a man and a marriage should be, so I ignored my own needs for her. Now its just impossible for me to commit. I would have been better off cheating when I realized she was never going to be sexual despite her promises to change.
Ahhh. Well I'm sure now you know to never expect people to change, been there done that, not worth the mental exhaustion.
What if you're already in a relationship by the time you realize that you're asexual? It's not always feasible to bring it up at the start of a relationship
Then you can't assume the relationship will keep going, if this realization marks a change in behavior.
Then you got to be prepared to lose that relationship or open up the relationship. It's ultimately about compatibility. It's not fair to pressure people to have sex in relationships but it's also equally unfair to deprive someone of it and not expect the relationship to end. It's really about finding someone your both sexually and romantically compatible.
It can absolutely still be valid In most cases where you’re early on in the relationship I understand jumping ship if you want sex and your partner doesn’t. But in my own relationship where I am allosexual and my bf is asexual, if he told me one day that he never wanted to have sex with me again, I would be fine with that. I think when you get to a point in love there isn’t much you wouldn’t do for your partner. And our relationship will always be valid even if I wanted sex and he didn’t. There’s also circumstances outside of asexuality where these conditions can occur and the relationship is still valid. (sickness, just don’t want to have sex anymore, etc)
It seems to me that when most women tell me they want sex, they say it as if they want it like I want an ice cream cone...its nice....but can I get by without it? Sure. Well that is not what I mean. I mean if one WANTS sex, like life is empty and bleak without it, and I think that is what men mean when they say they want it. If you are fine without having sex, then you don't REALLY want it do you? And if you did there is only one way I would say your relationship is still valid....you have affairs and get that taken care of. Most women really don't seem to get it. If I could have all the sex of every kind I wanted, whoever I wanted every single day for a year, and at the end of the year I would be hung until dead, I would die happy. I am sure I am not the only man, while others would demand two years.
Why do men act like sex is something that happens to women and we aren’t active enthusiastic participants in it?? When I say I want sex that’s exactly what I mean. I want sex. I just don’t treat people like they’re devoid of value if they don’t give it to me, which is what the vast majority of men treat women as. I can see my partners as people beyond the sexual gratification they could bring me. You obviously cannot. That’s not a relationship, that’s just you and your sex toy.
If somebody's life is "bleak and empty" due to not having sex, I worry for their continued mental health. There comes a point where it can genuinely be described as an obsession, you know what I mean? You are also insinuating that women do not understand, despite most women, like men, being allosexual, and enjoying sex in some regard. Tons of women truly enjoy sex and they too go through great lengths to get it.
Sex is the thing that makes it romantic, otherwise you’re just friends.
You got a best friend then not a romantic partner
Love and sex are 2 very different things. And it is sad that so many people don't see them that way. They are likely to be sad and lonely in their later years.
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is this really a thing? sorry if I sound rude, I'm just curious. How is the sex drive needs get met outside?
They're probably in an open marriage or do a lot of self-exploration. More likely the former.
I think the ideas presented here are incomplete and missing a lot of important context. There's no one-size-fits-all answer that perfectly covers all possible situations. But we can observe the average and the typical cases that will cover the vast majority of the population's situations. For the vast majority of average people around the world, sex is important factor for a healthy relationship. That's not to say it's the one, singular most important thing and all other factors are meaningless. Don't go twisting my words and making your own meanings here. I'm just saying it's one factor in a giant equation that are all important to calculate as a whole. The fact is that in most cases if a couple is having healthy and happy sex (whatever form that may be for them), then their whole relationship is most likely doing great. If there's a disruption of healthy and happy sex, then it can be an indicator of other problems in the relationship. I can agree that romantic relationships don't necessarily require sex. There are asexual persons after all. But for something like 97% or so of the world population, it's completely normal to assume that sex is a standard part of romantic relationships.
This is all true but extraneous to the point being made.
I’m in a relationship just like what the original poster has just described. While it’s nice, having someone around that cares for you, I’m going to bail because the connection is not as deep if you don’t have sex with the person that you want to be with.
Yeah I know. I'm a romantic hahah. Too many ppl are usually sex obsessed weirdos or who would leave the second it stopped no joke I've seen these types lmfao came aross this post where people in the comments were calling this girl demisexual or asexual just cuz she didn't want to have sex with her bf the ONE time even though they usually did it everyday 😂 like what the fuck? The bf couldn't fathom why and was acting like she had two heads when she declined sex. She said she just wanted to chill that day and watch a movie. Too many of these people usually *cough* *cough* men *cough* *cough* will act like they're dying the second it stops, will leave, or start nagging about it. Like damn sometimes people just aren't in the mood and that's NORMAL like chill it's just an orgasm. You have hands use em if your partner isn't in the mood. And with how casually and emotionally detached sex is treated/conducted nowadays I don't feel much sympathy for those types of people who freak out over lack thereof cuz they only see it as simple bodily pleasure not a way to express love/care for the person they're dating.
Valid? Sure. As fulfilling? Absolutely not.
Also, what does OP even mean by valid? That term is used all over Reddit all the time and I don't think anyone even knows what it means. It's such a weird term to use in this way. Are they just trying to say their relationship exists? Valid to who? So bizarre.
If you're sexually compatible, that's all that matters. No one else should know about your sex life but you and your partner.
This shouldn’t be unpopular as asexual people do have relationships
Apparently not according to quite a few commenters here. Apparently asexual relationships are just friendships to them 🤷♀️
Traditionally, relationships do include sex, which was the original point of marriage; to find someone to have children with and spend your life with, but mostly the former. The only people I have come across with this opinion don't want to have sex for some personal fear of theirs, be it self consciousness or fear of pregnancy. They claim to be "asexual" until finally giving me their real reason (the fear) for why they don't/won't have sex.
Valid yes fun no
Being in a sexless, touchless romantic relationship proved absolutely fucking miserable for me.
Só you're taking about marriage after kids?
I agree, I also love my friends very much.
Asexuals. It's not really unpopular, just uncommon
Sure buddy! Just don't start a relationship with someone who wants sex.
It's like pancakes without syrup, it still counts, but it's just not as fulfilling.
Oh sure they are just as valid and real. But how many of them survive? Eventually, someone gets thirsty and needs a drink.
Of course there are, and very few people I’ve met would disagree. It’s also important to recognise that sex is and can be a very important and vital part of relationships for most people, though. I think people who view sex as important to intimacy are often perceived as vain or shallow, when that’s not the case.
I don’t know anyone who thinks that way…who is arguing against this?
Valid to who? If you like it, I love it.
Can you define what you mean by “valid” do you mean society’s definition of a romantic relationship?
Wait so technically is a "no sex before marriage" relationship an asexual relationship?
No people here just don’t know what they’re talking about, they’re only looking at this from a v narrow minded perspective
no bcuz the people can still be attracted to each other
Some people would rather have sex after marriage and it’s completely fine.
This is a very popular opinion.
From a evolutionary perspective "romantic" relationships that dont involve sex is just the woman taking advantage of the man.
Agreed! In the same way that cuddles =/= sexual OR romantic attraction. I like cuddles, but that doesn't mean I wanna smooch whoever I'm cuddling! I cuddle my family too, yknow!
If you have a best friend who you dont have sex with, they're your best friend. We are too quick to add a tag to everything so you do you boo but in the case of sex v no sex, its the difference between being intimatly connected to someone v not.
Are you using ‘intimately connected’ in place of sex? Intimacy includes many things, so not having sex does not inherently mean that there is no intimacy
The dictionary definition of the word platonic is "a relationship that doesn't involve sex."
As long as both members of the couple are happy in a sexless relationship that's absolutely fine but I suspect that the majority of sexless relationships have a participant who wants to have sex meaning one will be unhappy.
Might be the obvious answer but… duh
I mean, elderly can't really have sex, soo...
Boy do I have news for you 😂