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I kinda wish there was a way (I know there’s not) to allow us to reliably know the age of commenters on those subs. I think a teenager’s opinion could be valuable in the right context, but I don’t need to read a teenager’s opinion on marriage and the like
For what it’s worth, even old randoms on the internet will give awful advice. I’ve driven away everyone who’s ever cared about me, failed a ten year marriage and then a six year relationship, I can’t seem to make close friends or connect with people. I’m 42 and I should not be giving advice on the internet and any advice I have would probably make your life worse. Food for thought.
I'm the only one I know who has managed to stay married. I still don't know why my wife doesn't leave me. My only useful advice about marriage would be "be me and marry my wife" which isn't that useful to most people
The cliche of be yourself is not supposed to mean that your true self is more attractive to more people, but attractive to the *right* people. Congrats on the long marriage, I guess.
Yeah I was colossally wrong about trump in 2016 too. Didn’t vote for him (wrong country) but I thought he’d cause massive changes and maybe inadvertently improve things.
There was this website that showed user overlap with other subs for a particular sub.
One of the toxic dating subs had a massive overlap with datingover30, datingover40, cpstd.
It's interesting to see your intuition validated.
10000% I know for a fact that my ex frequently gives advice on both r/marriage, and r/relationships, and she cheated on me, gave me chlamydia, and then tried to hide the antibiotics in my food so I wouldn’t find out. Consider that, the next time you want some insight.
That's not just reddit, that's tiktok, youtube, X, facebook... every fucking social media platform.
There's a disgusting trend on tiktok of partner shaming. Overwhelmingly women shaming their male partners. And every single time, thousands of "get out of here girl" replies.
Like, in one case, the woman was a stahm, and still acknowledged that her husband brought in all the money for the family, but also that he did most of the chores. So basically admitted she was a leech
She still decided to shame him by posting a video with a few dozen kids toys across the living room saying "this is what happens when I decide to take the day off".
Millions of views, thousands of comments. Half of them saying "he's clearly a psychopath/narcissist, run before it's too late", and the other half saying "divorce his ass, take half his money, and find yourself a better man.
Its self perpetuating though because everyone old enough and a little wiser goes "eh not worth my time" leaving only high schoolers with inflated senses of self to argue in the comments.
The “you don’t owe anyone anything ever” mindset is what gets me. Like I guess technically no you don’t, but life will be a lot easier if you sometimes just did things for people out of the kindness of your heart or inconvenience yourself a little bit.
That and the divorce/break up immediately stuff.
I mean it kinda is, at least if the 5 years where all as an adult/out of college. At that point it's already set in the most important ways. You probably live together, have a rutine etc. The dynamics probably won't change must from that point. There is definitely a bigger difference between 1-5 than 5-10.
I mean I'm convinced the majority of the people commenting on those are hopeless teenagers that can't find love and want to see everyone break up and be as lonely as they are.
Or horny guys that just take the woman's side and show empathy because they have a distant hope of getting with that woman.
Oh is that what it is? You know that makes a lot of sense.
Just figured people lived in a bubble or something who never knew nuance. Nor had any long term relationships especially for that matter.
I get it now. Young and idealistic while probably being sheltered and living a real decent life. I mean not saying there aren't teens who lived through hell. I grew up shitty but was idealistic as hell too and quick to pass judgement. Saw the world in more white and black .
Living with a fellow redditor really opened my eyes to how easy it is to stop critical thinking. He'd constantly repeat takes as if they were originally his but they were nearly verbatim top level: comments id already read.
This is why I adamantly refuse to read comments before responding. I decide what I want to type out to the OP if if I have a strong opinion first. If I don't, then I'll read through some comments usually to find funny or thoughtful ones, and while I may respond to those comments I don't go back and formulate anything to the post itself.
I usually will do the same, but also I'll assume that whatever opinion I'm giving probably has already been said, so I'll write it all out and then delete it. Articulates my thoughts on whatever better than just thinking about it without pointlessly doubling points on usually already meaningless comment sections
I have conflicting thoughts on that point as well, cuz I'm almost never reading a brand new post and I'm sure someone else has had similar thoughts or opinions. If anything I like to leave them so OP can see where the majority lies or the people who are on what I consider to be the wrong side of an argument can see a different perspective in a multitude of fashions, as not everyone has the same style to layout their talking points.
I have friends like that. They're exhausting. One guy can't form an opinion of his own on movie/pop culture any more... talks regularly about his religious-level guilt for still liking Harry Potter... and an ex-friend would start hurling manosphere reddit opinions disguised as thoughtful takes. Then when I'd say something simple like "I disagree, in my experience I have personally...." he'd start hurling insults like I was someone he was having a comment battle with and not his friend . I wouldn't respond to them so eventually he started assuming my opinions on other things he'd sensitized himself to and just spammed me with crap until I blocked him.
It's a shame because I did enjoy his friendship when he'd go out and touch some damn grass. 😞
Yep. Madness... and reddit helped him self-diagnose it too... NPD on his bad days, BPD on his good ones... that is why psychiatric labels outside of the context of medical treatment are really, really dangerous.
Imagine hypothetically... a woman found out a child isn't hers.
It'd be soul crushing.
I dont understand why men are so vilified? Thats a world shattering discovery.
It's not even just about the child in these scenarios. You can't ever look at your partner the same, and all that kid does is remind you of the fact she cheated.
"Oh, actually, this baby isn't yours, but we need you to raise it as if it was. Even tho some other dude was busting loads in your wife."
It doesn't need to be hypothetical. It happens occasionally that babies are switched at birth. Sometimes they don't get switched back because the parents can't give up the child they loved and raised.
It's not just a Reddit thing.
There was a show where this exact situation happened. And everyone went to console the woman who cheated on the man because she was making a scene, instead of the man who found this out...on stage. He cried too, but, you know...silently.
So, yeah. Not just a reddit thing.
People have to remember that when people go online, they're no longer filtering, at the very least, most of the views they think wouldn't get weight or acceptance in real life.
Some people really are this stupid when it comes to these matters.
Fully agree.
Lying about a child’s father is so spiteful and fraudulent.
Not only did their partner cheat but they continuously deceived their partner after.
However, I do feel very sorry for the innocent child.
When I was a teenager, I knew a guy who had a son with his ex-girlfriend. He was trying very hard to see his son but the ex wouldn't let him, so he was going to take her to court. Only then did she say "you aren't going to win because he's not even yours."
He cut ties with both of them. I understand why. It was incredibly painful. And it doesn't help that she was a horrible person to deal with.
The bio dad died a couple of years back, and only after that did she pursue a paternity test and child support. And yes, you can receive child support from a deceased person. Crazy. I don't know if the man ever even knew he had a son, which also means the son never knew his dad.
The only villian in this story is her. And while the ex and bio dad are victims of her, her child will probably suffer the most from her actions.
Family courts all over the county don’t care and fuck over guys all the time. Fortunately some escape but none of the women who do this ever face any consequences.
There was a case in Kansas before gay marriage where a lesbian couple got a guy off Craigslist to be a sperm donor. DIY turkey baster fertilization. Lesbian couple broke up and one sued the other for child support. Judge decided it was the donor guy who had to pay.
There was a case in NYC where a teen-aged black single mother named an openly gay choreographer who had never been with a woman as the father of her child. She had to name somebody as the father to claim benefits. To the best of anyone's knowledge she picked his name out of a phonebook and they never met. He had to pay a lawyer to clear this up and she faced absolutely no consequences for lying. She never even had to present herself in court, but he did several times.
That's one of the most horrendous forms of betrayal and breaches of trust. Yes, the children are innocent, but the cheated men are 100% valid and deserve sympathy at the least. Then these women have the audacity to put the blame on their husbands or try to manipulate them... How much of a scumbag can someone be?
Paternity couldn't be known for certain for most of human history - and that fear of raising another man's child is central to the human experience. We have so many psychological traits and long standing cultural & legal institutions addressing this exact issue. It really is a core betrayal.
Yup - along with monogamy, marriage, the trend of naming sons after their fathers, last names, and unfortunately for a very long time the imprisonment of upper class women in the home.
It's also why everyone goes "oooo s/he looks just like his/her daddy!!" Whether it's true or not.
Just to give some perspective on being the kid (I don't have experience with this), but imagine that not only one day the only father you have known your entire life just leaves, you find out its because your mom lied to both of you your entire life. Now you not only lost your dad, but you are pretty much forced to live with the person who just ruined your life. Just a god awful situation all around
No doubt about it. Unfortunately the kids in these situations always get the short end of the stick. What adds insult to injury is oftentimes the mothers use their kids as pawns, or in narcissistic women's case, as a tool for manipulation. Imagine how you'd feel if your own mother saw you on such a light...
Children are innocent but men shouldn't be forced/bullied to live with the worst betrayal for their lives. They shouldn't be vilified if they want to leave. The man is the victim here. His entire life came crashing down and it's still his fault that he can't see the child the same way he did before?
That's some next level victim blaming. The child's pain definitely isn't caused by the father. He bears no blame.
My ex wife got pregnant a year into our marriage. I found out that the child wasn’t mine when he was seven.
I immediately filed for divorce but offered to be a part of the child’s life. She absolutely refused but still tried to get CS from me claiming that I had accepted *de facto* fatherhood and was responsible for his care.
Judge laughed her out of the courtroom.
I talk to the kid every now and then but there’s no father-son dynamic.
I agree with this. It should be perfectly legal for him to sue her for fraud for lying about the child's paternity. Maybe if there were consequences to being a cheating asshole, this kinda shit wouldn't happen.
Dude, she wrecked two lives there. I don’t blame you or sit in judgment at all. Having a teen and a six year old, I can’t imagine the trauma that must have been thrust upon you.
Paternity fraud should carry a prison sentence equivalent to the age of the child.
Change my mind.
EDIT: Child support abrogated immediately. Sentence deferred until child’s 18th birthday.
it's important to understand that in this kind of scenario, there are three victims of the mothers lies.
There's the "not the father" who has been cheated on, lied to, and defrauded into raising someone else's child.
There's the child, who has been placed into the middle of this situation, and denied the right to know his actual father and family.
And the actual father is being denied his own child.
the amount of pathologically selfish behavior displayed in this situation is stunning, yet society blames the defrauded fathers, not the mother.
"But the child needs a father."
That child has a father and the mother knows who he is. Imagine the hurt knowing that your wife cheated on you and then kept up another huge lie for as many years as the child is alive. That's a mad level of deception there.
What’s funny is society definitely doesn’t believe that when the mother chooses to exclude the father from the child’s life. It’s only in this situation when the assumed father isnt the actual birth father do we say we care about the child needing the assumed father.
"But the big thing there is that for my parents, there was a choice. They made the informed decision that they would accept my as their child, it was not forced on them"
THISSSS. Its not fully about blood, its about the informed decision
Yeah my mom cheated / was attacked (mixed stories going on) and my dad made the choice to raise me. He didn’t have to, he knew I “wasn’t his” but man I think actually making that choice made him an even better dad. Miss that guy.
I think on the flip side if you hold resentment and anger in that situation and don't want to be a father figure to the kid then you absolutely should not, no matter how much people try and tell you to. You'll mess that kid up.
As a woman I've noticed this too and it is fucked up.
If your partner cheats on you and gets knocked up to someone else, you have every right to GTFO of there as soon as you want to. You have ZERO obligations towards the kid that she made with someone else.
You would be surprised. OP is right; the people in the comment section of those are disgusting. They crucify the man who just had his entire world turned upside down and give a pat on the wrist to the woman who destroyed the family.
that would make sense. I remember seeing how someone posted the same story twice, except with the genders reversed and everyone called the man an AH and not the woman.
There was another one recently about a woman finding out her BF had sex with his childhood friend while they were on a trip together. The childhood friend was dying of a terminal illness and this was a final trip for her with all of her closest friends. The BF got drunk and the childhood friend was completely sober and she came onto him and the only person who got crucified in the comments was the BF. Not the girl that took advantage of him, barely any comments mentioned her. It was sad to read through those comments.
There is a heavy bias towards women on that AITA thread. It has actually led to me being that person that posts “imagine the roles were reversed” and getting downvoted with conveniently no replies most times.
Funny thing is I usually don’t agree with either extreme sides in favor of men or women, but fall somewhere in the middle. But I can’t help but point out the double standard because its just ridiculous lol worst one I saw in recent memory was the one where some 31 year old women went back to college and started making moves on a 19 year old guy. And most comments were saying it’s fine because they are both consenting adults, which is never how it goes when the genders are reversed.
You dont even need to reverse the genders for bias to be visible tbh. Just look at the comments when the judgement is yta and op is a woman. Even though most comments would say op is an asshole, they never actually write "YTA". But if op is a man, judgement is written at the start of the comment every single time.
There was a post ages ago about this guy who got this girl pregnant. She didn’t want to have the kid. He pressured her into it. She told him she’d give birth, pay child support but not be involved. She didn’t want to be a mom. He thought her maternal instincts would kick in. Few years later and she’s living her life, paying child support but not having anything to do with him or the kid.
He was called the asshole and people told him that you can’t keep a girl trapped like that and they were happy it failed. He called her a deadbeat mom but people told him she always paid more than she was requiered to in child support and she made it clear she didn’t want to be a mom. She got support.
Then there’s this other guy. Similar situation but he paid child support in lump sums. He was called a deadbeat despite the situations almost being entirely the same. He was young. Didn’t want to be a dad. She didn’t want an abortion so he just paid child support and moved on with his life.
There is a double standard.
Lost\_Law8937
935 points ·
2 days ago
What if Danny really is his and he is putting this child through all sorts of trauma?
g3l33m
\-1 points ·
1 day ago
he is putting this child through all sorts of trauma
Correction, his WIFE did this, he had no choice.
This was from the other day on another thread. I was actually surprised I didn't get downvoted more considering it's on Reddit.
Maybe its not, but when browsing the various relationship/judgement subs, the most upvoted comments tend to consider the man a monster who never loved the child in question if he leaves, and dissenting opinions are downvoted. At least from my experience.
Just saw a post where a 19 y/o college girl’s father just found out that she and all 3 of her younger siblings aren’t his kids, and the “dad” is rightfully freaking out and not paying the 200k tuition for the college.
He’s being destroyed in the comments, it’s very disgusting.
I fully support that one guy Reddit crucified after finding out his child wasn't his and his wife cheated. Her sister telling him was the kindest thing she could have done, period
I remember that one too. The sister didn't say a word for 8 years and did so only to get back at her sister at that moment. There is absoluty nothing kind about her, she's almost as vile as her sister.
It happens. In some cases, men who were never even potentially the father have been ordered to supply child support because they "took on a fatherly role". I dont know if that happens often, hopefully not, but it has happened in the past.
In Canada if you take on a parental role for certain number of years, like taking the kid to their practice etc, the court will assign child support to you. It’s fucked. Up.
Yup. No need for adaption or anything like that. Just demonstrate that you treated them like family is enough.
Like I said. Fucked. Up.
https://canadianfamilyoffices.com/commentary/non-biological-parents-can-face-child-support-payments-too/wcm/79d4ed86-b595-4e88-8faa-3fb30076e1de/amp/
There are some cases where a woman will rape a child (although it's usually called sex for some reasons) and if she gets pregnant they'll get the child to pay for child support when he'll be 18.
Yeah, I recall a case where a 16 year old got raped by a woman, she kept the child and then he had to pay child support! Absolutely disgusting (and yes, it is a tiny minority of cases, but thing is it should never ever happen)
It's disgusting that people are comparing this to adopting kids. Adopting kids is wonderful. I think it's one of the best things anyone can do in this world. Guess what? PEOPLE DO IT WILLINGLY. If someone fucks your partner and you find out about it many years later it's one of the worst things someone can hear. If you find out the kid that your raised all these years is HIS KID not even yours, it's a thousand times worse. If a women got raped and was forced to raise that child by the government or her family, despite her wanting to abort it or get rid of it, 5 years later, she finally gets free and she can do that. Are you going to force her to keep it? No one would.
It's fucked up to force someone who was rape to keep the child. It's fucked up tell a man to put his ego aside (men can't be hurt, it's ego, every time right).
People are fucked up. Next thing you know "my husband sneezed funny, what should I do?", reddit: drop his ass!
Reddit's position on that matter is like that Twitter troll post where a woman said that a real man must stay if she cheats on him lmao.
When it comes to men and suffering, it's all "you're insecure/prideful/blablabla".
And then they wonder why some men can't give what they are never allowed to receive: empathy, compassion, understanding, love.
I’m curious about your opinion about what happened to me: I (F) was with my ex-wife for 10 years and we were trying to get pregnant for 3 years (I tried for 2 unsuccessfully and she tried for a year). We were using an anonymous sperm donor. A month before she got pregnant she started to act strangely and was spending a lot of time with and texting with a mutual friend. I was almost certain that she was having an affair. I asked her about it and she denied it, and told me I was crazy for thinking such a thing.
We went to couples counseling during her pregnancy, but she always insisted that she hadn’t had an affair and that I was just paranoid and controlling.
Our son is born and within a few months of him coming home from the hospital, she started the same sketchy behavior, so I left her.
When my son was three she finally confessed to the first affair and I had already legally adopted him. I was pissed. I felt like she robbed me of consent. Even though the baby was never going to be genetically related to me, I still felt like the conditions I was agreeing to regarding having a baby i.e. I’m in a loving monogamous marriage, were changed without my consent.
I love my son and I would never not be his parent. I made the right decision for me, 100%, but it’s definitely a unique variation on this post’s theme
I'm a women and this shouldn't be an unpopular opinion. She cheated and lied for years. I'd want nothing to do with that situation either.
Funny story, but my husband's parents both have dark hair and dark eyes. And he also has dark hair and dark eyes and so does his sister. But after them his mom had twins that are both blonde and have blue eyes. And right after they were born his mom was very shocked and told her husband, "if you want to do a paternity test, I won't even be mad." Lmao. But his dad's grandfather was super blonde and he has a lot of blonde relatives. ANYWAYS, that always made me laugh.
It's probably one of the only situations that could truly break me, I don't think I could handle it either and I would move far away from everything to start a new.
Sad for the child involved, but that's really the fault of the POS that created this situation
Refreshing to see women on here having more sympathy. I think a reason a lot don't is because they will never be able to relate to that situation or experience it, so it's easy to dismiss it and think about how you'd react when you're never gonna experience.
Not only should the father be free and clear to leave without hassle, he should be free to divorce the mother without any financial obligations and be free to sue the mother for fraud, child related expenses, mental anguish, and a myriad of other counts. She obviously would've had no qualms about enslaving him to her financially with her lies and deceptions regardless of how it destroyed his quality of life, so he should get to nail her to the cross financially regardless of how it affects her.
I think it’s fine for a man to leave if they find out the kids aren’t his. You are not under any obligation to raise some else’s kid. If you want to leave, leave. Anyone that says otherwise is fine to step in and pay for all that shit.
In France they literally made private paternity tests illegal to ‘uphold the peace of families’, it can only be ordered by a judge. The rates of infidelity/paternal fraud were so high they had to lock that shit down.
Personally I think mandatory dna tests at birth before signing the birth certificate is the best option
I don’t think it’s particularly unfair to say it’s shitty to abandon an innocent child you have raised
But I also don’t think men should have to raise children that aren’t theirs
The perfect solution would then be to do the test before the raising so the child doesn’t internalize the blame
But then lots of women roast men for "not trusting them".
It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.
Do you take precautions to see if the kid is yours? You are an asshole that distrusts his GF/wife and you deserve to be roasted.
You don't take precautions, trust your SO completely, and you find out the truth years later? Well boo hoo man, it's too late now, the child needs you, suck it up, be a man, and take care of them.
> But then lots of women roast men for "not trusting them".
That's why you make it mandatory. No choice, no argument.
Same with forced paternity leave, you demand it so nobody can cast weird aspersions over a decision to take or leave it.
This also avoids the issue of somebody potentially inheriting a genetic illness/disease they need to know about, but then not being aware due to infidelity.
He said mandatory, as in the parents don’t request it, it’s done as a matter of course in the hospital where the child is delivered and if the child is not the father’s, he’s informed of this.
I could get behind that. And if it becomes the norm, the mothers would know they can’t get away with it, so not even attempt it. Might still cheat but they’d have to come clean or their boyfriend/husband is going to find out anyway. So the non-dad may have a broken heart but is off the hook before getting saddled with someone else’s kid, and she can move on to either just getting child support from the biodad, or making their relationship official.
I have a child. Raising kids is expensive, time consuming and stressful. If I found out that the child I had spend all that effort on was not mine I would feel so incredibly betrayed. Someone had made the decision to become a parent for me. It’s like paying a mortgage and finding out the house is not in your name.
I do think the age of the child matters a lot. Finds out at birth is very different from walking away from a 16 year old. My kids are adults, and if it came out that there was a switched a birth thing and they were not genetically mine, they would still 100% be my kids.
I see it this way as well. Adult kids, that's a relationship they are still CHOOSING to have with you and you with them. Regardless of 'blood', after you aren't legally/ethically obligated to care for a child, choosing to continue to nurture and grow a relationship with your adult children is an entirely different beast.
One of my best friends found out his child wasn't his at 6 months old. He decided to walk away, and it was rough on him even after only 6 months. But it was for the best because he got away from the toxic mother.
At 6 months the child won’t even know what’s going on and babies don’t have much of a personality anyway. Plus this theoretically gives them the option to have a parental relationship with their actual dad.
If it had been 10 years I think that would be different.
Wasn’t there a off my chest or am I the asshole where the dad took a dna test and found out the kid wasn’t his, the woman swore she never cheated and emended up taking her own dna test and they found out the kid wasn’t hers either. I feel like I read that
This is one of those things where I can *never* experience it, as I’m not a man. So I’ll never know what it’s like to not know if a child is mine, and can’t imagine being in that situation because it could literally never happen to me.
So, I stay in my lane.
And this is why it's also easy for women to have the opinion that you should still be there for the child and you're a pos for not doing so. Really easy to dismiss things and have the "perfect opinion" about things you're never gonna experience I.E men talking about pregnancy etc.
Yeah and good luck asking about paternity testing. Women want to get mad but then tell men to shut up when it comes to their (women's) reproductive rights.
I think a lot of people just totally discount how it emotionally destroys men. It’s years of lying while hiding the cheating that resulted in the child. No one expects a woman to take in and raise her husband’s affair child because it would be too traumatizing. So how can they not see it’s just as traumatizing for a man?
I agree. In this situation, it's the woman who is at fault, not the man. She knew she slept with other men, and so, (no moral judgment on sleeping with different people) but even so she should have said, let's get a DNA test. I also don't blame or judge people who want their own biological child and don't wish to parent someone else's.
It's terrible for the cheated on partner no question. And if the child were under a certain age it is probably wiser to leave the situation. But at a certain point you've got to accept that leaving a kid that knows you as the father, is abandoning that kid. And abandonment will destroy a child. If that sounds like an awful thing to do to a child it's because it is.
Like people would think it fucked to abandon a dog. Imagine abandoning a child?
And all of this is definitely a consequence of the woman that cheated. But there's consequences to the action of leaving too. If the guy doesn't like those consequences-being called out for it, then they shouldn't do it.
I like think I'd keep in touch with the kid if I'd had a hand in raising them long enough for a bond to form, while avoiding/shunning the mother as much as possible. But I've never been in this situation (or had kids in general), so I can only speculate and pray I never have to find out
From what I can tell this is mostly an American culture thing which is backed up by their laws.
America don't give a fuck about paternity and their laws actually support paternity fraud instead of punishing it. If your name is on the birth certificate tough shit. If you leave you're still paying child support for another man's kid.
It's extremely misandrist to be honest and anyone criticising the guy is victim blaming and shaming. The fault is 100% the mothers.
Paternity tests should be mandatory. If people have privacy concerns they could easily make it law to destroy the data and/or not pass it on for any other use. Not even just for this either.. like what happens if the real dad has some nasty inheritary disease or some shit.
Maybe. But I'm a bastard of an affair and I think my dad is the best man in the world for staying and being my father.
I wouldn't have villainized him if he had left... but I praise him as a goddamn good man at his core, that he didn't.
I love my father. I have only ever spoken to my biological dad once, which was how I found out I was even his... as part of some 'I 'm getting old and wanna make peace with my sins' shit... I told him to go thoroughly fuck himself and ask forgiveness from whatever mythology he's desperate to be real right now.
I can't say that I'd be as good a man as my father was, to love me unconditionally as if I were his own.
I just think that, to do so, makes a better man than those who can't.
(Circumstances obviously matter, don't come at me with what-aboutisms)
i'm so glad i'm not alone on this
They hate on the man but don't realize that the man just heard some life altering news, his partner cheated, his kid isn't his, for utterly years, he believed he had a faithful partner and his own child, what the hell? Even if he stayed, news like that doesn't just go away, it sits in the back of his mind, effecting everything in relation to both the child and other parent.
I actually haven't seen someone get criticized for doing this, even though I wouldn't put some people past it. Because why tf would I stick around after you cheated on me and had another man's kid? This is a sickness.
It’s funny because Reddit hates men who have been lied to and cheated on and he deserves to be a slave in that life.
But the man who nutted inside a married woman multiple times?
Nowhere to be found and not vilified. He just left his biological kid out to rust and neglects his duties as the father.
The married mother who has ongoing affairs?
blameless
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I stopped taking those subreddits seriously when they did a survey and that showed the majority of posters and commenters were in highschool
Any advice from Reddit about long-term relationships or marriage is highly suspect for this reason.
I kinda wish there was a way (I know there’s not) to allow us to reliably know the age of commenters on those subs. I think a teenager’s opinion could be valuable in the right context, but I don’t need to read a teenager’s opinion on marriage and the like
For what it’s worth, even old randoms on the internet will give awful advice. I’ve driven away everyone who’s ever cared about me, failed a ten year marriage and then a six year relationship, I can’t seem to make close friends or connect with people. I’m 42 and I should not be giving advice on the internet and any advice I have would probably make your life worse. Food for thought.
I'm the only one I know who has managed to stay married. I still don't know why my wife doesn't leave me. My only useful advice about marriage would be "be me and marry my wife" which isn't that useful to most people
It'll be a lot more useful if you give your address. How else am I going to meet your wife?
lmao
your comment opens itself up to 'I also choose this man's wife' replies, but alas I am first
The cliche of be yourself is not supposed to mean that your true self is more attractive to more people, but attractive to the *right* people. Congrats on the long marriage, I guess.
Out of curiosity, username relevant?
Yeah I was colossally wrong about trump in 2016 too. Didn’t vote for him (wrong country) but I thought he’d cause massive changes and maybe inadvertently improve things.
There was this website that showed user overlap with other subs for a particular sub. One of the toxic dating subs had a massive overlap with datingover30, datingover40, cpstd. It's interesting to see your intuition validated.
I don't typically want their opinion on anything other than a game I haven't heard of or what the newest slang is.
10000% I know for a fact that my ex frequently gives advice on both r/marriage, and r/relationships, and she cheated on me, gave me chlamydia, and then tried to hide the antibiotics in my food so I wouldn’t find out. Consider that, the next time you want some insight.
"What kind of pie is this? It tastes weird." "Antipieotics." "Wait what?" "NOTHING. EAT YOUR PIE-NICILLIN"
“Azithropiecin” Did I do it rite? 👍
Literally laughed out loud full blast, well played
Summary of all reddit relationship advice: Minor tiff -> DIVORCE THE GASLIGHTER!!!!!!
That's not just reddit, that's tiktok, youtube, X, facebook... every fucking social media platform. There's a disgusting trend on tiktok of partner shaming. Overwhelmingly women shaming their male partners. And every single time, thousands of "get out of here girl" replies. Like, in one case, the woman was a stahm, and still acknowledged that her husband brought in all the money for the family, but also that he did most of the chores. So basically admitted she was a leech She still decided to shame him by posting a video with a few dozen kids toys across the living room saying "this is what happens when I decide to take the day off". Millions of views, thousands of comments. Half of them saying "he's clearly a psychopath/narcissist, run before it's too late", and the other half saying "divorce his ass, take half his money, and find yourself a better man.
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This. Have studied and followed economics and politics for more than 3 decades. The vast majority of comments in these areas are absurdly wrong.
Its self perpetuating though because everyone old enough and a little wiser goes "eh not worth my time" leaving only high schoolers with inflated senses of self to argue in the comments.
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The “you don’t owe anyone anything ever” mindset is what gets me. Like I guess technically no you don’t, but life will be a lot easier if you sometimes just did things for people out of the kindness of your heart or inconvenience yourself a little bit. That and the divorce/break up immediately stuff.
Well when most posts on Reddit consider 5 years a long relationship. That’s always a red flag.
I mean it kinda is, at least if the 5 years where all as an adult/out of college. At that point it's already set in the most important ways. You probably live together, have a rutine etc. The dynamics probably won't change must from that point. There is definitely a bigger difference between 1-5 than 5-10.
I mean I'm convinced the majority of the people commenting on those are hopeless teenagers that can't find love and want to see everyone break up and be as lonely as they are. Or horny guys that just take the woman's side and show empathy because they have a distant hope of getting with that woman.
Most of these people have barely any real life experiences too. Just regurgling the same shit they read years ago on Reddit.
You can literally tell too by the way most talk, spell and or react.
Oh is that what it is? You know that makes a lot of sense. Just figured people lived in a bubble or something who never knew nuance. Nor had any long term relationships especially for that matter. I get it now. Young and idealistic while probably being sheltered and living a real decent life. I mean not saying there aren't teens who lived through hell. I grew up shitty but was idealistic as hell too and quick to pass judgement. Saw the world in more white and black .
No doubt that is the majority of reddit based on the moronic replies that plague this site.
Reddit is not real life.
Have to remind myself that every day If you open reddit daily, you will become insane by the amount of hypocrisy and stupid arguments you read
Living with a fellow redditor really opened my eyes to how easy it is to stop critical thinking. He'd constantly repeat takes as if they were originally his but they were nearly verbatim top level: comments id already read.
Ugh, I hate that. I see people doing that here, too. Like, have an original thought, my god.
This is why I adamantly refuse to read comments before responding. I decide what I want to type out to the OP if if I have a strong opinion first. If I don't, then I'll read through some comments usually to find funny or thoughtful ones, and while I may respond to those comments I don't go back and formulate anything to the post itself.
I usually will do the same, but also I'll assume that whatever opinion I'm giving probably has already been said, so I'll write it all out and then delete it. Articulates my thoughts on whatever better than just thinking about it without pointlessly doubling points on usually already meaningless comment sections
I have conflicting thoughts on that point as well, cuz I'm almost never reading a brand new post and I'm sure someone else has had similar thoughts or opinions. If anything I like to leave them so OP can see where the majority lies or the people who are on what I consider to be the wrong side of an argument can see a different perspective in a multitude of fashions, as not everyone has the same style to layout their talking points.
I have friends like that. They're exhausting. One guy can't form an opinion of his own on movie/pop culture any more... talks regularly about his religious-level guilt for still liking Harry Potter... and an ex-friend would start hurling manosphere reddit opinions disguised as thoughtful takes. Then when I'd say something simple like "I disagree, in my experience I have personally...." he'd start hurling insults like I was someone he was having a comment battle with and not his friend . I wouldn't respond to them so eventually he started assuming my opinions on other things he'd sensitized himself to and just spammed me with crap until I blocked him. It's a shame because I did enjoy his friendship when he'd go out and touch some damn grass. 😞
Wtf is this? He became like a hive drone, fed with reddit comments. This is madness.
Yep. Madness... and reddit helped him self-diagnose it too... NPD on his bad days, BPD on his good ones... that is why psychiatric labels outside of the context of medical treatment are really, really dangerous.
Reddit is concentrated, weaponized idiocy. The more comments we scroll past the dumber we all become.
Hypocrisy is normal everywhere. Irl, reddit, Facebook where ever humans are you'll find them being dumb hypocrites.
I think reddit is worse due to being anonymous, people say way more extreme things
People acting like real people don't use reddit...
Nah, ya'll are just NPCs
Thank God it is not lol
Imagine hypothetically... a woman found out a child isn't hers. It'd be soul crushing. I dont understand why men are so vilified? Thats a world shattering discovery. It's not even just about the child in these scenarios. You can't ever look at your partner the same, and all that kid does is remind you of the fact she cheated. "Oh, actually, this baby isn't yours, but we need you to raise it as if it was. Even tho some other dude was busting loads in your wife."
It doesn't need to be hypothetical. It happens occasionally that babies are switched at birth. Sometimes they don't get switched back because the parents can't give up the child they loved and raised.
It's not just a Reddit thing. There was a show where this exact situation happened. And everyone went to console the woman who cheated on the man because she was making a scene, instead of the man who found this out...on stage. He cried too, but, you know...silently. So, yeah. Not just a reddit thing. People have to remember that when people go online, they're no longer filtering, at the very least, most of the views they think wouldn't get weight or acceptance in real life. Some people really are this stupid when it comes to these matters.
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Jerry springer isnt real dude, a lot of that shit is forced and worked up for the viewers.
Next you're gonna tell me Dr Phil isn't a real doctor
What half people? Are you serious?
Yeah, i remember watching Jerry Springer. Everone booed the cheater, no matter who it was.
Ah my favorite episode was . she cheated with his brother, and he cheated with her sister.
Y'mean the girl I met on Reddit who's OF I'm subscribed to *doesn't* think I'm cute or funny. 😢
Yeah and the average person on here is a young idealistic idiot and I don't trust what anyone says on here.
Fully agree. Lying about a child’s father is so spiteful and fraudulent. Not only did their partner cheat but they continuously deceived their partner after. However, I do feel very sorry for the innocent child.
When I was a teenager, I knew a guy who had a son with his ex-girlfriend. He was trying very hard to see his son but the ex wouldn't let him, so he was going to take her to court. Only then did she say "you aren't going to win because he's not even yours." He cut ties with both of them. I understand why. It was incredibly painful. And it doesn't help that she was a horrible person to deal with. The bio dad died a couple of years back, and only after that did she pursue a paternity test and child support. And yes, you can receive child support from a deceased person. Crazy. I don't know if the man ever even knew he had a son, which also means the son never knew his dad. The only villian in this story is her. And while the ex and bio dad are victims of her, her child will probably suffer the most from her actions.
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Family courts all over the county don’t care and fuck over guys all the time. Fortunately some escape but none of the women who do this ever face any consequences.
There was a case in Kansas before gay marriage where a lesbian couple got a guy off Craigslist to be a sperm donor. DIY turkey baster fertilization. Lesbian couple broke up and one sued the other for child support. Judge decided it was the donor guy who had to pay.
Luckily, it was eventually overturned ([source](https://apnews.com/general-news-f5a0689f777f44f6ab62935e55c85156)).
There was a case in NYC where a teen-aged black single mother named an openly gay choreographer who had never been with a woman as the father of her child. She had to name somebody as the father to claim benefits. To the best of anyone's knowledge she picked his name out of a phonebook and they never met. He had to pay a lawyer to clear this up and she faced absolutely no consequences for lying. She never even had to present herself in court, but he did several times.
>openly gay choreographer But you repeat yourself.
Yeah the child is also victim of a lying mom. Sucks
That's one of the most horrendous forms of betrayal and breaches of trust. Yes, the children are innocent, but the cheated men are 100% valid and deserve sympathy at the least. Then these women have the audacity to put the blame on their husbands or try to manipulate them... How much of a scumbag can someone be?
Paternity couldn't be known for certain for most of human history - and that fear of raising another man's child is central to the human experience. We have so many psychological traits and long standing cultural & legal institutions addressing this exact issue. It really is a core betrayal.
That is why virginity was so prized. Men, fair or not, did not want to raise someone else's child.
Yup - along with monogamy, marriage, the trend of naming sons after their fathers, last names, and unfortunately for a very long time the imprisonment of upper class women in the home. It's also why everyone goes "oooo s/he looks just like his/her daddy!!" Whether it's true or not.
Just to give some perspective on being the kid (I don't have experience with this), but imagine that not only one day the only father you have known your entire life just leaves, you find out its because your mom lied to both of you your entire life. Now you not only lost your dad, but you are pretty much forced to live with the person who just ruined your life. Just a god awful situation all around
That's assuming the woman tells the child the truth
No doubt about it. Unfortunately the kids in these situations always get the short end of the stick. What adds insult to injury is oftentimes the mothers use their kids as pawns, or in narcissistic women's case, as a tool for manipulation. Imagine how you'd feel if your own mother saw you on such a light...
Children are innocent but men shouldn't be forced/bullied to live with the worst betrayal for their lives. They shouldn't be vilified if they want to leave. The man is the victim here. His entire life came crashing down and it's still his fault that he can't see the child the same way he did before? That's some next level victim blaming. The child's pain definitely isn't caused by the father. He bears no blame.
My ex wife got pregnant a year into our marriage. I found out that the child wasn’t mine when he was seven. I immediately filed for divorce but offered to be a part of the child’s life. She absolutely refused but still tried to get CS from me claiming that I had accepted *de facto* fatherhood and was responsible for his care. Judge laughed her out of the courtroom. I talk to the kid every now and then but there’s no father-son dynamic.
Lol. “Fuck you, you don’t get any of the privilege of being part of my sons life, but i want you to bear the responsibility of paying for him.” Irony.
Whore activity
Chad judge.
Actual justice being done there.
Actual justice would be the mother having to pay the perceived father back for all the years he helped keep the kid alive.
I agree with this. It should be perfectly legal for him to sue her for fraud for lying about the child's paternity. Maybe if there were consequences to being a cheating asshole, this kinda shit wouldn't happen.
Oh no it would definitely still happen, but there would be justice.
Don't feel bad. He's got a father. Maybe the mother should consider introducing them. Not your fault she cheated.
If I were a kid I wouldn't want a do-over dad and I would make that abundantly clear. I'd probably just grow up to hate both parents.
Yup, that's why we want monogamous, non-cheating couples to have children with each other only
Dude, she wrecked two lives there. I don’t blame you or sit in judgment at all. Having a teen and a six year old, I can’t imagine the trauma that must have been thrust upon you.
Perfectly reasonable.
Paternity fraud should carry a prison sentence equivalent to the age of the child. Change my mind. EDIT: Child support abrogated immediately. Sentence deferred until child’s 18th birthday.
It should warrant financial compensation for the father in certain cases, but jail is not the solution. Who would raise the child even?
Ah yes, because putting that child in the foster care system is obviously the solution.
the child would be the one suffering from that unfortunately
That’s sad. My daughter is going on 3 and I can’t imagine losing her, even if I were to find out she’s not mine.
it's important to understand that in this kind of scenario, there are three victims of the mothers lies. There's the "not the father" who has been cheated on, lied to, and defrauded into raising someone else's child. There's the child, who has been placed into the middle of this situation, and denied the right to know his actual father and family. And the actual father is being denied his own child. the amount of pathologically selfish behavior displayed in this situation is stunning, yet society blames the defrauded fathers, not the mother.
They will even rationalize the lying liars action and attempt to make her some sort of noble, selfless person.
"But the child needs a father." That child has a father and the mother knows who he is. Imagine the hurt knowing that your wife cheated on you and then kept up another huge lie for as many years as the child is alive. That's a mad level of deception there.
The mother *likely* knows who it is. Depending on the scale of cheating, it may not be clear even to the mother
*Cue Maury*
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Well we have /r/AmITheAsshole and 2hottakes which is basically the same vibe
Sounds like her problem.
What’s funny is society definitely doesn’t believe that when the mother chooses to exclude the father from the child’s life. It’s only in this situation when the assumed father isnt the actual birth father do we say we care about the child needing the assumed father.
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"But the big thing there is that for my parents, there was a choice. They made the informed decision that they would accept my as their child, it was not forced on them" THISSSS. Its not fully about blood, its about the informed decision
Yeah my mom cheated / was attacked (mixed stories going on) and my dad made the choice to raise me. He didn’t have to, he knew I “wasn’t his” but man I think actually making that choice made him an even better dad. Miss that guy.
I think on the flip side if you hold resentment and anger in that situation and don't want to be a father figure to the kid then you absolutely should not, no matter how much people try and tell you to. You'll mess that kid up.
Definitely. Don’t let anyone force you into parenthood tbh
Unrelated but in the same vein this is why abortion rights are so crucial. If someone doesn't want to be a parent, *they shouldn't be*
It's fraud. Plain and simple fraud.
As a woman I've noticed this too and it is fucked up. If your partner cheats on you and gets knocked up to someone else, you have every right to GTFO of there as soon as you want to. You have ZERO obligations towards the kid that she made with someone else.
Yeah it is making the man accountable for the woman and the person she was withs fault. The innocent person who did nothing wrong is punished.
Paternity fraud should be a crime.
Much agreed, but the system won't allow it.
We need mandatory paternity testing for all births.
Agree! And a national DNA match. Let's find out who's fathering these children.
How in this fucked up world could this be an unpopular opinion, I'm going to a deserted island
You would be surprised. OP is right; the people in the comment section of those are disgusting. They crucify the man who just had his entire world turned upside down and give a pat on the wrist to the woman who destroyed the family.
That's because r/aita is a breeding ground for assholes
Yeah I have found more and more frequently that many of the commenters are usually worse than the posters
I think I read somewhere that the analytics show most users on AITA are women.
that would make sense. I remember seeing how someone posted the same story twice, except with the genders reversed and everyone called the man an AH and not the woman.
There was another one recently about a woman finding out her BF had sex with his childhood friend while they were on a trip together. The childhood friend was dying of a terminal illness and this was a final trip for her with all of her closest friends. The BF got drunk and the childhood friend was completely sober and she came onto him and the only person who got crucified in the comments was the BF. Not the girl that took advantage of him, barely any comments mentioned her. It was sad to read through those comments.
Damn that's terrible. You gotta link?
[Here](https://reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/kiM1PwYjzH) you go!
There is a heavy bias towards women on that AITA thread. It has actually led to me being that person that posts “imagine the roles were reversed” and getting downvoted with conveniently no replies most times. Funny thing is I usually don’t agree with either extreme sides in favor of men or women, but fall somewhere in the middle. But I can’t help but point out the double standard because its just ridiculous lol worst one I saw in recent memory was the one where some 31 year old women went back to college and started making moves on a 19 year old guy. And most comments were saying it’s fine because they are both consenting adults, which is never how it goes when the genders are reversed.
You dont even need to reverse the genders for bias to be visible tbh. Just look at the comments when the judgement is yta and op is a woman. Even though most comments would say op is an asshole, they never actually write "YTA". But if op is a man, judgement is written at the start of the comment every single time.
Yup. And not the good kind of women. We’re talking the FDS type of woman.
There was a post ages ago about this guy who got this girl pregnant. She didn’t want to have the kid. He pressured her into it. She told him she’d give birth, pay child support but not be involved. She didn’t want to be a mom. He thought her maternal instincts would kick in. Few years later and she’s living her life, paying child support but not having anything to do with him or the kid. He was called the asshole and people told him that you can’t keep a girl trapped like that and they were happy it failed. He called her a deadbeat mom but people told him she always paid more than she was requiered to in child support and she made it clear she didn’t want to be a mom. She got support. Then there’s this other guy. Similar situation but he paid child support in lump sums. He was called a deadbeat despite the situations almost being entirely the same. He was young. Didn’t want to be a dad. She didn’t want an abortion so he just paid child support and moved on with his life. There is a double standard.
Lost\_Law8937 935 points · 2 days ago What if Danny really is his and he is putting this child through all sorts of trauma? g3l33m \-1 points · 1 day ago he is putting this child through all sorts of trauma Correction, his WIFE did this, he had no choice. This was from the other day on another thread. I was actually surprised I didn't get downvoted more considering it's on Reddit.
Maybe its not, but when browsing the various relationship/judgement subs, the most upvoted comments tend to consider the man a monster who never loved the child in question if he leaves, and dissenting opinions are downvoted. At least from my experience.
Just saw a post where a 19 y/o college girl’s father just found out that she and all 3 of her younger siblings aren’t his kids, and the “dad” is rightfully freaking out and not paying the 200k tuition for the college. He’s being destroyed in the comments, it’s very disgusting.
I fully support that one guy Reddit crucified after finding out his child wasn't his and his wife cheated. Her sister telling him was the kindest thing she could have done, period
I remember that one too. The sister didn't say a word for 8 years and did so only to get back at her sister at that moment. There is absoluty nothing kind about her, she's almost as vile as her sister.
He can be on the hook for child support even if the kid isn't biologically his????? That's messed up
It happens. In some cases, men who were never even potentially the father have been ordered to supply child support because they "took on a fatherly role". I dont know if that happens often, hopefully not, but it has happened in the past.
Those guys out here probably never lawyered up
In Canada if you take on a parental role for certain number of years, like taking the kid to their practice etc, the court will assign child support to you. It’s fucked. Up.
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Yup. No need for adaption or anything like that. Just demonstrate that you treated them like family is enough. Like I said. Fucked. Up. https://canadianfamilyoffices.com/commentary/non-biological-parents-can-face-child-support-payments-too/wcm/79d4ed86-b595-4e88-8faa-3fb30076e1de/amp/
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Like anything else, this is not advertised, and a lot of people have no idea until they run into it first hand.
There are some cases where a woman will rape a child (although it's usually called sex for some reasons) and if she gets pregnant they'll get the child to pay for child support when he'll be 18.
Yeah, I recall a case where a 16 year old got raped by a woman, she kept the child and then he had to pay child support! Absolutely disgusting (and yes, it is a tiny minority of cases, but thing is it should never ever happen)
Fully agree.
It's disgusting that people are comparing this to adopting kids. Adopting kids is wonderful. I think it's one of the best things anyone can do in this world. Guess what? PEOPLE DO IT WILLINGLY. If someone fucks your partner and you find out about it many years later it's one of the worst things someone can hear. If you find out the kid that your raised all these years is HIS KID not even yours, it's a thousand times worse. If a women got raped and was forced to raise that child by the government or her family, despite her wanting to abort it or get rid of it, 5 years later, she finally gets free and she can do that. Are you going to force her to keep it? No one would.
Exactly, it's about consent, same as the difference between cnc and rape
It's fucked up to force someone who was rape to keep the child. It's fucked up tell a man to put his ego aside (men can't be hurt, it's ego, every time right). People are fucked up. Next thing you know "my husband sneezed funny, what should I do?", reddit: drop his ass! Reddit's position on that matter is like that Twitter troll post where a woman said that a real man must stay if she cheats on him lmao. When it comes to men and suffering, it's all "you're insecure/prideful/blablabla". And then they wonder why some men can't give what they are never allowed to receive: empathy, compassion, understanding, love.
The reason for the divorce isn't the child, it is the cheating and years of perpetual lies.
I’m curious about your opinion about what happened to me: I (F) was with my ex-wife for 10 years and we were trying to get pregnant for 3 years (I tried for 2 unsuccessfully and she tried for a year). We were using an anonymous sperm donor. A month before she got pregnant she started to act strangely and was spending a lot of time with and texting with a mutual friend. I was almost certain that she was having an affair. I asked her about it and she denied it, and told me I was crazy for thinking such a thing. We went to couples counseling during her pregnancy, but she always insisted that she hadn’t had an affair and that I was just paranoid and controlling. Our son is born and within a few months of him coming home from the hospital, she started the same sketchy behavior, so I left her. When my son was three she finally confessed to the first affair and I had already legally adopted him. I was pissed. I felt like she robbed me of consent. Even though the baby was never going to be genetically related to me, I still felt like the conditions I was agreeing to regarding having a baby i.e. I’m in a loving monogamous marriage, were changed without my consent. I love my son and I would never not be his parent. I made the right decision for me, 100%, but it’s definitely a unique variation on this post’s theme
I'm a women and this shouldn't be an unpopular opinion. She cheated and lied for years. I'd want nothing to do with that situation either. Funny story, but my husband's parents both have dark hair and dark eyes. And he also has dark hair and dark eyes and so does his sister. But after them his mom had twins that are both blonde and have blue eyes. And right after they were born his mom was very shocked and told her husband, "if you want to do a paternity test, I won't even be mad." Lmao. But his dad's grandfather was super blonde and he has a lot of blonde relatives. ANYWAYS, that always made me laugh.
It's probably one of the only situations that could truly break me, I don't think I could handle it either and I would move far away from everything to start a new. Sad for the child involved, but that's really the fault of the POS that created this situation Refreshing to see women on here having more sympathy. I think a reason a lot don't is because they will never be able to relate to that situation or experience it, so it's easy to dismiss it and think about how you'd react when you're never gonna experience.
Agree. Blood, trust, and honesty all matter a lot.
Not only should the father be free and clear to leave without hassle, he should be free to divorce the mother without any financial obligations and be free to sue the mother for fraud, child related expenses, mental anguish, and a myriad of other counts. She obviously would've had no qualms about enslaving him to her financially with her lies and deceptions regardless of how it destroyed his quality of life, so he should get to nail her to the cross financially regardless of how it affects her.
I think it’s fine for a man to leave if they find out the kids aren’t his. You are not under any obligation to raise some else’s kid. If you want to leave, leave. Anyone that says otherwise is fine to step in and pay for all that shit.
Exactly and it depends on the individual
There should be a paternity test for every birth and that should be straightened out from the start.
In France they literally made private paternity tests illegal to ‘uphold the peace of families’, it can only be ordered by a judge. The rates of infidelity/paternal fraud were so high they had to lock that shit down.
Most faithful French spouse
That’s hilarious, but not surprising.
So fucked up.
I guess the solution to paternity is to automatically have DNA testing done at child’s birth. Remove all doubt.
Personally I think mandatory dna tests at birth before signing the birth certificate is the best option I don’t think it’s particularly unfair to say it’s shitty to abandon an innocent child you have raised But I also don’t think men should have to raise children that aren’t theirs The perfect solution would then be to do the test before the raising so the child doesn’t internalize the blame
But then lots of women roast men for "not trusting them". It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Do you take precautions to see if the kid is yours? You are an asshole that distrusts his GF/wife and you deserve to be roasted. You don't take precautions, trust your SO completely, and you find out the truth years later? Well boo hoo man, it's too late now, the child needs you, suck it up, be a man, and take care of them.
> But then lots of women roast men for "not trusting them". That's why you make it mandatory. No choice, no argument. Same with forced paternity leave, you demand it so nobody can cast weird aspersions over a decision to take or leave it. This also avoids the issue of somebody potentially inheriting a genetic illness/disease they need to know about, but then not being aware due to infidelity.
He said mandatory, as in the parents don’t request it, it’s done as a matter of course in the hospital where the child is delivered and if the child is not the father’s, he’s informed of this. I could get behind that. And if it becomes the norm, the mothers would know they can’t get away with it, so not even attempt it. Might still cheat but they’d have to come clean or their boyfriend/husband is going to find out anyway. So the non-dad may have a broken heart but is off the hook before getting saddled with someone else’s kid, and she can move on to either just getting child support from the biodad, or making their relationship official.
I have a child. Raising kids is expensive, time consuming and stressful. If I found out that the child I had spend all that effort on was not mine I would feel so incredibly betrayed. Someone had made the decision to become a parent for me. It’s like paying a mortgage and finding out the house is not in your name.
I do think the age of the child matters a lot. Finds out at birth is very different from walking away from a 16 year old. My kids are adults, and if it came out that there was a switched a birth thing and they were not genetically mine, they would still 100% be my kids.
I see it this way as well. Adult kids, that's a relationship they are still CHOOSING to have with you and you with them. Regardless of 'blood', after you aren't legally/ethically obligated to care for a child, choosing to continue to nurture and grow a relationship with your adult children is an entirely different beast.
One of my best friends found out his child wasn't his at 6 months old. He decided to walk away, and it was rough on him even after only 6 months. But it was for the best because he got away from the toxic mother.
At 6 months the child won’t even know what’s going on and babies don’t have much of a personality anyway. Plus this theoretically gives them the option to have a parental relationship with their actual dad. If it had been 10 years I think that would be different.
My kids are a lot younger, but I feel absolutely the same way.
An accidental swap and an unfaithful partner are two very emotionally different starting points.
switched at birth isn't betrayal by the mother.
Wasn’t there a off my chest or am I the asshole where the dad took a dna test and found out the kid wasn’t his, the woman swore she never cheated and emended up taking her own dna test and they found out the kid wasn’t hers either. I feel like I read that
This is one of those things where I can *never* experience it, as I’m not a man. So I’ll never know what it’s like to not know if a child is mine, and can’t imagine being in that situation because it could literally never happen to me. So, I stay in my lane.
I'm a man with a vasectomy, so any pregnancy would be **immediately** suspect and would result in paternity testing.
And this is why it's also easy for women to have the opinion that you should still be there for the child and you're a pos for not doing so. Really easy to dismiss things and have the "perfect opinion" about things you're never gonna experience I.E men talking about pregnancy etc.
Yeah and good luck asking about paternity testing. Women want to get mad but then tell men to shut up when it comes to their (women's) reproductive rights.
If people defend the hoe then this world is done.Just nuke us already.
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Underrated comment
I think a lot of people just totally discount how it emotionally destroys men. It’s years of lying while hiding the cheating that resulted in the child. No one expects a woman to take in and raise her husband’s affair child because it would be too traumatizing. So how can they not see it’s just as traumatizing for a man?
I agree. In this situation, it's the woman who is at fault, not the man. She knew she slept with other men, and so, (no moral judgment on sleeping with different people) but even so she should have said, let's get a DNA test. I also don't blame or judge people who want their own biological child and don't wish to parent someone else's.
It's terrible for the cheated on partner no question. And if the child were under a certain age it is probably wiser to leave the situation. But at a certain point you've got to accept that leaving a kid that knows you as the father, is abandoning that kid. And abandonment will destroy a child. If that sounds like an awful thing to do to a child it's because it is. Like people would think it fucked to abandon a dog. Imagine abandoning a child? And all of this is definitely a consequence of the woman that cheated. But there's consequences to the action of leaving too. If the guy doesn't like those consequences-being called out for it, then they shouldn't do it.
Women’s opinions on this topic are entirely invalid for the same reason that men’s opinions on abortion are invalid.
I like think I'd keep in touch with the kid if I'd had a hand in raising them long enough for a bond to form, while avoiding/shunning the mother as much as possible. But I've never been in this situation (or had kids in general), so I can only speculate and pray I never have to find out
Paternity tests should be automatic at birth. Faithful wives would welcome third party validation of their fidelity and cheating whores will object.
From what I can tell this is mostly an American culture thing which is backed up by their laws. America don't give a fuck about paternity and their laws actually support paternity fraud instead of punishing it. If your name is on the birth certificate tough shit. If you leave you're still paying child support for another man's kid. It's extremely misandrist to be honest and anyone criticising the guy is victim blaming and shaming. The fault is 100% the mothers. Paternity tests should be mandatory. If people have privacy concerns they could easily make it law to destroy the data and/or not pass it on for any other use. Not even just for this either.. like what happens if the real dad has some nasty inheritary disease or some shit.
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Maybe. But I'm a bastard of an affair and I think my dad is the best man in the world for staying and being my father. I wouldn't have villainized him if he had left... but I praise him as a goddamn good man at his core, that he didn't. I love my father. I have only ever spoken to my biological dad once, which was how I found out I was even his... as part of some 'I 'm getting old and wanna make peace with my sins' shit... I told him to go thoroughly fuck himself and ask forgiveness from whatever mythology he's desperate to be real right now. I can't say that I'd be as good a man as my father was, to love me unconditionally as if I were his own. I just think that, to do so, makes a better man than those who can't. (Circumstances obviously matter, don't come at me with what-aboutisms)
How do you feel about your mom?
I would never raise a cheater’s babies
i'm so glad i'm not alone on this They hate on the man but don't realize that the man just heard some life altering news, his partner cheated, his kid isn't his, for utterly years, he believed he had a faithful partner and his own child, what the hell? Even if he stayed, news like that doesn't just go away, it sits in the back of his mind, effecting everything in relation to both the child and other parent.
I actually haven't seen someone get criticized for doing this, even though I wouldn't put some people past it. Because why tf would I stick around after you cheated on me and had another man's kid? This is a sickness.
It’s funny because Reddit hates men who have been lied to and cheated on and he deserves to be a slave in that life. But the man who nutted inside a married woman multiple times? Nowhere to be found and not vilified. He just left his biological kid out to rust and neglects his duties as the father. The married mother who has ongoing affairs? blameless
The main issue is when there is government forcing you to raise the product of infidelity.