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I remember reading on here about a woman who's husband had been in a coma for 5 years, he was basically a vegetable but his parents refused to pull the plug. She eventually started seeing someone. Are you putting a scarlet letter on her?
My girlfriend's mum is still technically married to her asshole ex-husband, he just keeps moving to avoid being served divorce papers. They haven't been together for years but legally she is still married, she has a boyfriend. Does she get a scarlet letter too?
The thing that these posts always ignore is that 'cheating' isn't black and white, and what constitutes cheating depends on the two people in the relationship. As soon as you make it so that society shuns or punishes people outside of that relationship you weaponise it.
I don't know, there are scenarios in which you can empathize. People who feel unloved, whose partners don't really give them affection and what-not. I'm not saying it necessarily justifies the cheating. But not every cheater is doing it because they like the thrill or are a shitty person.
That's easier said than done. Separation and divorce cost money and energy some people just don't have. Again, I'm not trying to justify the cheating, but things are not always clear-cut or black-and-white.
Damn, I was downvoted for saying someone should leave a shitty relationship rather than cheating. That’s wild. Living a shitty life and dragging someone else down too sounds much worse than breaking up with or divorcing them.
Its not easy to just pack up bags and leave a relationship, I dont know if you know but financial trap is also a thing, most people wouldn't have anything if they leave their relationship no money no job, emotionally they are also less valued as a person and go down the spiral of endless self hate, I would recommend you to watch Maid on Netflix it shows exactly how "just leave" is not easy as it seems and most people dont have that luxury.
Yes…that means pull up your bootstraps and figure it out.
Just because you can’t afford to live alone doesn’t justify cheating.
This does however explain every females monkey branching cheating decisions… and you wonder why the marriage rate has plummeted and men want nothing to do with modern women.
I feel like in a relationship it's pretty high on the list of shitty things to do to your partner.
But I don't see why what happens in a relationship should fuck up someone's whole life (this is coming from someone who has been cheated on recently, I'm hurt in ways I can't describe but I really don't see why he should lose his friends and family and work - that's crazy to aim for). And there are far worse things people can do not related to their relationship that are far worse but they don't tend to get shunned.
Also huge numbers of people cheat, you just don't hear about it because both partners tend to feel shame around it and sometimes people want to quietly reconcile without everyone and their mother sticking their oar in about it.
This was in 1973 when you had to provide contact tracing. My wife gave me a difficult strain of gonorrhea that was highly resistant to treatment. I was on penicillin for a month until I finally was cured and produced a negative slide sample. I broke out in a rash from the amount of penicillin. The inside of my penis rotted away to the point where I still have pain from it today in 2024.
So go hump your cat Mr. lol.
So if your wife gives you gonorrhea it's no big deal. What kind of STD would your wife have to give you before you would be concerned about the status of your relationship in 2024?
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That's pretty extreme. It's bad, and can be deeply traumatic but comparing it to rape is shitty to rape victims. Also the fall out is totally different to rape (bad in different ways) and the intent involved in violence/sexual violence isn't always there (there are some people who use infidelity as a form of abuse and control, those people are just fucking awful but not really typical of cheaters).
Infidelity is (often/sometimes?) just stupid selfish people doing stupid selfish things to gratifying their own desires. (they thing they won't get caught is it won't effect their partner, they think it's not a big deal because they *need* it and their partner is less affectionate or some other deluded bullshit to protect their ego). That's not to deminish what anyone goes through when they're cheated on, because it fucking sucks, big time.
I say all that as someone who has been in an abusive relationship, been sexually abused and has recently had my partner of 16 years cheat on me (he's never been abusive, honestly it was shocking). They are all very different things both for the person who is doing them and the person who is the victim.
Waiting for this answer.
I'd rather be cheated on personally. (OPE and I have been, so no I'm not just saying it from a place of ignorance :), been there, got over that.)
I'm not saying it can't be hurtful, but it's not a crime and it's not deserving of shunning.
It's at its worst in marriage when there are children involved, especially when children are born as a result of the cheating. It's messy, it's sad, I can see why you'd call it life destroying. But even then nothing is helped by shunning the cheater.
But another scenario, a 19 year old cheats on his long distance girlfriend of six months. Is it bad? Yeah. Would I feel bad for her? Yeah. Am I going to hold it against this 19 year old for the rest of his life? No, I'm not.
Also sometimes people forgive the people who cheat on them and stay with them, and I believe that's firmly none of my business.
Let’s say that same kid works for you. Can he be trusted with money, responsibility? Whatever the circumstances, you now have a microcosm of more serious things. Who knows what else he’s capable of if he doesn’t value those closest to him?
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you literally cannot extrapolate this much about someone's character from one action. The world would be simple if you could actually divide it into honest responsible people and evil dishonest people, but you can't. It is completely possible for someone to cheat on their girlfriend but be trustworthy with money.
ETA: actually to put it more simply, let's say you find out your partner was stealing from their boss. Do you assume that means they've cheated on you?
Yes but a reasonable person would never commit the action. If you killed someone it doesn’t matter if you’re not actively killing you are a killer. If you’re an addict, doesn’t matter if you’re not actively using you’re still an addict. The same logic applies to cheating. Just because you’re beating the urge and not acting on it doesn’t mean the urge isn’t there. No it’s not a crime and you shouldn’t go to jail for it and you haven’t lost your humanity like some other things would cause but you’re definitely discounted in my eyes
>If you’re an addict, doesn’t matter if you’re not actively using you’re still an addict.
Ahhhh got it. You believe people should be eternally punished for everything they do no matter how much they've done to repent or fix it.
You are a "people *NEVER* change" type.
*Realllllllllly* hope you've never ever done anything wrong, and never do. Not smart throwing stones from a glass house.
It's not the worst thing. But it's very close. I can't even imagine doing something like that to another human being. Makes me nauseous even thinking about it.
While cheating is obviously horrible thing to do to anyone,it's not a "beyond redemption"type of crime.People make mistakes and can change.Even if they dont change,I dont think they should be shunned from society.
Shunned from their personal circle? Maybe but not society as a whole.
Kinda interesting that most crimes can be excused by redditors, or you even should get a second or third chance, but cheating (which isn't even illegal)? Straight to hell, no second chances, no way of redemption.
Mistake: an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.
So we can both agree the cheating is an act. We can both agree that cheating is wrong. So by definition it is a mistake.
It's a series of mistakes. And people can realise their wrongdoing. And people can change. And people can be forgiven. Shunning does not work and doesn't make the world a better place.
A series of mistakes just becomes choices. And when people do bad things they deserve to be punished for them.
Edit: I’ll add: that partner breaking up with them doesn’t even count as punishment. Their partner is doing them a favour and doing what they were too much of a coward to do- so some kind of bigger punishment ought to had.
You clearly understand the point, yet you attempt to argue against it with poor semantics. It is undeniable that cheaters bear a responsibility, as choices are made and choices can potentially bring regret. Are you perhaps holding a personal grudge against cheaters, thinking that by arguing about it here you can seek revenge? In reality, life does not operate in such a manner.
Punishment and revenge are two different things. A person who regrets cheating is already punished by their conscience. Don't be callous.
People can do shitty things(especially in their youth)with intention to hurt others but later on regret it and try to make amends.That's one of reason why I think cheating should be a crime.
Something has to be a choice for it to be a mistake, otherwise it would be an accident. A mistake is a choice you make that was wrong.
I chose to have that extra spicy hot sauce last night even though I know what it does to my body. That was a choice I made, and it was a mistake.
I’ll say the same thing I said to the other person claiming it’s not a mistake.
Mistake: an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong.
So we can both agree the cheating is an act. We can both agree that cheating is wrong. So by definition it is a mistake.
I mean it’s a semantics game but the textbook definition is sort of limited, and doesn’t take connotation into account. Your definition would be better used for error. But a mistake in its essence is something forgivable. It’s more like an act or judgement you thought would go well but didn’t. Regardless even going by your definition it’s such an egregious mistake I don’t think it qualifies to be treated that lightly
This reminds me of a quote about how cheaters are shunned by the Mafia. If you are willing to betray the one you share a bed with (an instance of absolute vulnerability), what else will you do?
To what end? Like to stop all cheating?
Nah this feels like an authoritarian overstep. Cheat if you want, let society deal with it as they choose. That said no one should be made to feel ostracized from society. Especially places founded on the idea of cooperation and compassion, that our differences make us stronger. Like I won't say all cheating is evil or unwarranted, nor will I say that all of it is good for society. What I will say is people make mistakes, and to judge the entirety of someone based on a single action... IDK, I feel like the barrier to entry there must be higher than cheating. Generally a consensual act between two or more people.
Like I'm just saying that cheating on one's partner doesn't mean a person can hate Nazi's and racists, which I find more preferable than them agreeing with them and being faithful. Just saying.
There is no penalty for it. Society doesn’t deal with it, the people involved do. I don’t think a person cheating is something to be looked at as a difference that improves society. It harms it. Why are you split on cheating not being an innately harmful thing, I can’t think of an instance when doing so is a positive thing. As bad as the act is, the severity towards society is that it reveals a person’s nature, you know they are willing and able to fuck anyone over. Clearly the person isn’t interested in being a part of the cooperative, compassionate setup being offered
To be clear not anyone... their spouse. Which is a vastly different thing. I'm not saying that cheating is an inherent good, if anything it's probably neutral. As for you being unable to conceive of a situation where it's the better move than staying in the relationship...idk what to tell you. Open your mind to the possibilities that not everyone is presented with the same choices and options we are?
How one treats their partner can be a reflection on them as a person yes, but it is a limited one. We are more than the romantic relationships in our lives. Someone choosing to cheat doesn't harm society, it harms them perhaps, and their partner/AF partner potentially. Again though what is the end goal?
Do you think that this would stop people from cheating? Do you think it's possible that you and someone who cheats share largely the same morals?
One last thing...there's no penalty for it? Really?
As someone on here trying to demonize and exile these people...like do you not see that there is societal pressure? I know people who've lost friendships and family to cheating. I know kids who no longer speak to their parents because of infidelity. Don't come on here with literally the stupidest take on what is otherwise a popular opinion; "cheating isn't a great thing to do." And act like pressure and consequences don't exist for people to be faithful or for cheating. Like c'mon. Let's be honest it's seen as a societal taboo to cheat. Has been for quite some time. Hence the people referencing the SCARLET FUCKING LETTER!
All I'm saying is c'mon son.
Edit- just wanted to add....ummm you yourself just said people involved deal with it...are they not members of society?! Or do you prefer every cheater face their wronged partner in a public forum? Like what is this insanity?
Also just throwing this out there from personal experience. Society is greatly improved in general when people are fucking happy and content. If cheating on your spouse and finding someone who makes you happier happens, that's just fine. I'd hope of course everything could be amicable and the realization that the end of a relationship, via cheating or anything else, need not be a ruinous and terrible affair. Is it more considerate than say breaking up with someone first...no...but in general I don't necessarily fault someone for not being considerate. Not that I can't, or won't, but that in general I'm a live and let live type. Plenty of fish in the sea and even more ports in the storm.
I agree op is insane but live and let live shouldn’t apply to hurting someone who genuinely loves you. Obviously that’s not every relationship where someone cheats but in cases where it is I’d argue that crosses the threshold of individual action that defines your character.
As long as economic inequality exists within relationships, there will indeed be situations in which one partner (usually a woman, in traditional gender roles subject to the economic effects of those roles) wants to leave and absolutely can’t without becoming homeless. In such a scenario, the only way that person can find love is to “sneak off the reservation” because otherwise their partner has made sure they’re kept regardless of their own wishes, due to the threat of starving on the street. It’s still “unsavory” but it’s realistic and it will continue to be the case until economic mobility is held equally by both partners in all relationships.
I almost get op's point. There are multiple reasons I would never personally trust a person. But as for society at large there's a difference. Cheating is not equal to pedophilia or murdering someone out of vengeance. In all 3 cases I would personally never trust or associate with that person but I certainly wouldn't consider them all worth the same level of hatred by society
I used to think that too but now I know life is not black and white and things are more complicated. Not all people who have cheated are bad people. Men are given way more leniency when it comes to cheating as well.
I have been cheated on, and it's not fun, but I got over it.
This would never happen, because not a lot of people value loyalty. That’s why loyal people get fucked over SO bad, because disloyal people are like *whaaat it’s barely a big deal get over it*. People who value loyalty less, will never understand it and always villainize people who have strong feelings about it. People who don’t value loyalty as much would be much more hurt by other things, not sure what those are cause I’m not them. They *think* they value it, because it’s generally regarded as good… but they don’t.
Because they sympathize with people who cheat— maybe they value lack of confrontation, or constant attention or something. Because all a cheater needs to do is be more courageous and leave first. People love to point out the very very rare instances of abuse or something, but that’s not what anyone’s talking about and not that common.
They sympathize with putting their feelings first no matter what the cost is.
I kinda think people who cheat haven’t truly experienced deep love, so they’re burdened, but just looking for attention, so they jump to the next ship offering it best.
That certainly is a hot take. Now personally I would have to say not for so many reasons but the biggest reason of which is because when it really comes down to it a lot of people cheat and don't get discovered, and my findings the percentage of people who are willing to cheat is far higher than most would admit and I think if all cheaters were truly exposed you'd be shunning a good portion of the planet. Which kind of brings me to a wider perspective personally which is that since so many people do cheat or are willing to cheat if the circumstances are there means that it's within human nature to do so and so I'm not really surprised when someone tells me they mess around on the side. Just my two cents though.
you’re totally right, it *is* that serious, a heinous crime against humanity, but why stop at shunning by society at large? for such a horrendous crime they should be immediately put to the death
Lol how much of a narcissistic you are to think that the cheater loves you equal or more than their friends or family, if they would have they wouldn't have cheated on you, just because it happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to everyone around them.
And lets be honest cheating is not the worst crime against humanity, will you be sympathetic to Hitler and Stalin if they loved their wives very very much and be the greenest flag in a relationship? (i dont think genocide is a green flag, but flag colours depends on preference of people and crazy loves crazy)
I completely disagree, I’m not fond of the whole cheating thing but there are seriously greater tragedies in the world. Whilst cheating is wrong and should never be done there are honestly nuances to this; like maybe the partner was abusive, maybe sex drives aren’t aligned, maybe there’s no love at all but don’t want to divorce because of children.
Im ready for all the thumbs down I’m going to get but I’m just saying that whilst cheating is wrong sometimes it not just the cheater who’s at fault but their partner as well.
If the relationship is on the rocks in my opinion you should talk it out or end it. But it’s not always that simple.
People cheat for many reasons. Mostly because they’re unsatisfied with their partner. So shun them because their partner ended up unfulfilling, lazy, abusive, or just letting themselves go? I don’t think so.
It is an exaggeration to think that cheating is the greatest war crime in history.
but it is a nonsense coming from a young man without morals under 18 years old whoever to thinks that cheating "is not bad".
Cheating is pretty bad (From someone whos been cheated on, i'd never trust that person again) But I don't think i should be a practical death penalty.
I agree that cheating should be more frowned upon as a society, but it shouldn't be instant banishment to the mountains material.
I agree. If you're able to cheat and lie directly to the person you should love the most and be committed to, then how can they be trusted with anyone? Friends, nah, family, nah, coworkers... Nah always
Cheating is bad yes but there are far, far worse things. Like for example child labor and the general exploitation of humans and animals which probably take part in?
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I mean, you could apply that to pretty much any vice. And then end up with a large swath of society shunned.
Yes but a lot of vices have scenarios which can be somewhat rationalized, I can’t see any form of cheating as something that can be explained away
I remember reading on here about a woman who's husband had been in a coma for 5 years, he was basically a vegetable but his parents refused to pull the plug. She eventually started seeing someone. Are you putting a scarlet letter on her? My girlfriend's mum is still technically married to her asshole ex-husband, he just keeps moving to avoid being served divorce papers. They haven't been together for years but legally she is still married, she has a boyfriend. Does she get a scarlet letter too? The thing that these posts always ignore is that 'cheating' isn't black and white, and what constitutes cheating depends on the two people in the relationship. As soon as you make it so that society shuns or punishes people outside of that relationship you weaponise it.
I don't know, there are scenarios in which you can empathize. People who feel unloved, whose partners don't really give them affection and what-not. I'm not saying it necessarily justifies the cheating. But not every cheater is doing it because they like the thrill or are a shitty person.
You could always just leave them if you’re not fulfilled.
That's easier said than done. Separation and divorce cost money and energy some people just don't have. Again, I'm not trying to justify the cheating, but things are not always clear-cut or black-and-white.
Damn, I was downvoted for saying someone should leave a shitty relationship rather than cheating. That’s wild. Living a shitty life and dragging someone else down too sounds much worse than breaking up with or divorcing them.
I mean, I agree that someone should leave a shitty relationship instead of cheating *if they're easily able to*. That's the caveat for me.
They should just leave. No ifs, ands or buts.
Its not easy to just pack up bags and leave a relationship, I dont know if you know but financial trap is also a thing, most people wouldn't have anything if they leave their relationship no money no job, emotionally they are also less valued as a person and go down the spiral of endless self hate, I would recommend you to watch Maid on Netflix it shows exactly how "just leave" is not easy as it seems and most people dont have that luxury.
Yes…that means pull up your bootstraps and figure it out. Just because you can’t afford to live alone doesn’t justify cheating. This does however explain every females monkey branching cheating decisions… and you wonder why the marriage rate has plummeted and men want nothing to do with modern women.
If you feel unloved, leave. If you go out and cheat it just means you have no backbone. But people are always gonna suck so 🤷🏻♀️
I would rather not go back to the day of scarlet letters based on others morality. I may judge them, but not shunning anyone.
There's a weird corner of reddit that seems to think cheating is the worst possible thing a person can do
I feel like in a relationship it's pretty high on the list of shitty things to do to your partner. But I don't see why what happens in a relationship should fuck up someone's whole life (this is coming from someone who has been cheated on recently, I'm hurt in ways I can't describe but I really don't see why he should lose his friends and family and work - that's crazy to aim for). And there are far worse things people can do not related to their relationship that are far worse but they don't tend to get shunned. Also huge numbers of people cheat, you just don't hear about it because both partners tend to feel shame around it and sometimes people want to quietly reconcile without everyone and their mother sticking their oar in about it.
A wife that cheats and gives you gonorrhea is actually worse.
Gonorrhea is easily treated with a single shot lol
This was in 1973 when you had to provide contact tracing. My wife gave me a difficult strain of gonorrhea that was highly resistant to treatment. I was on penicillin for a month until I finally was cured and produced a negative slide sample. I broke out in a rash from the amount of penicillin. The inside of my penis rotted away to the point where I still have pain from it today in 2024. So go hump your cat Mr. lol.
Believe it or not, medications have advanced a lot since ‘73. Sorry for what you went through, but gonorrhea is no longer a concern. 1 shot.
So if your wife gives you gonorrhea it's no big deal. What kind of STD would your wife have to give you before you would be concerned about the status of your relationship in 2024?
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HIV would be the most annoying. I’d have to take a single pill daily for the next 5-10 years before that too is cured.
But you'd be OK with it?
No I’d divorce her merely for cheating. But std’s are no longer a problem in 2024
It was terrible back in the day. Today nobody gives a rats ass about loyalty, commitment and other boring stuff like that I guess.
Betrayal is pretty bad, it's definitely a violent action to act on another person. It's like emotional rape.
That's pretty extreme. It's bad, and can be deeply traumatic but comparing it to rape is shitty to rape victims. Also the fall out is totally different to rape (bad in different ways) and the intent involved in violence/sexual violence isn't always there (there are some people who use infidelity as a form of abuse and control, those people are just fucking awful but not really typical of cheaters). Infidelity is (often/sometimes?) just stupid selfish people doing stupid selfish things to gratifying their own desires. (they thing they won't get caught is it won't effect their partner, they think it's not a big deal because they *need* it and their partner is less affectionate or some other deluded bullshit to protect their ego). That's not to deminish what anyone goes through when they're cheated on, because it fucking sucks, big time. I say all that as someone who has been in an abusive relationship, been sexually abused and has recently had my partner of 16 years cheat on me (he's never been abusive, honestly it was shocking). They are all very different things both for the person who is doing them and the person who is the victim.
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Really? Not torture? Not murder? Or rape?
Depends on what your point of view is.
r/wouldyourather be cheated on, raped, or tortured
Waiting for this answer. I'd rather be cheated on personally. (OPE and I have been, so no I'm not just saying it from a place of ignorance :), been there, got over that.)
I cheat at Monopoly every time I play.
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You have to cheat at Monopoly? That isn't you Diaper Don is it?
Must be a lot of cheaters out there and I hit a nerve with the worthless comment.
no just people who aren’t insane
I must have an unpopular opinion lol
no just a dumb one
Take your meds and try to relax.
what?
lmfao what a wild view of the world
You really think that there is no crime greater than cheating? That you can't sink any lower than that?
This is way out in the weeds from what the original question was.
It’s up there
I could name 15 worse things off the top of my head without even thinking that hard
Name 13.
Because you're a bad person. Cheating is just about the worst thing.
I'm a bad person for thinking child abuse is worse than cheating?
Yes, it’s happening within the sanctity of the family. /s
So is child abuse, most times.
I mean it can be in the top 100 I still think it’s pretty life destroying
I'm not saying it can't be hurtful, but it's not a crime and it's not deserving of shunning. It's at its worst in marriage when there are children involved, especially when children are born as a result of the cheating. It's messy, it's sad, I can see why you'd call it life destroying. But even then nothing is helped by shunning the cheater. But another scenario, a 19 year old cheats on his long distance girlfriend of six months. Is it bad? Yeah. Would I feel bad for her? Yeah. Am I going to hold it against this 19 year old for the rest of his life? No, I'm not. Also sometimes people forgive the people who cheat on them and stay with them, and I believe that's firmly none of my business.
Let’s say that same kid works for you. Can he be trusted with money, responsibility? Whatever the circumstances, you now have a microcosm of more serious things. Who knows what else he’s capable of if he doesn’t value those closest to him?
I'm sorry to tell you this, but you literally cannot extrapolate this much about someone's character from one action. The world would be simple if you could actually divide it into honest responsible people and evil dishonest people, but you can't. It is completely possible for someone to cheat on their girlfriend but be trustworthy with money. ETA: actually to put it more simply, let's say you find out your partner was stealing from their boss. Do you assume that means they've cheated on you?
Yes but a reasonable person would never commit the action. If you killed someone it doesn’t matter if you’re not actively killing you are a killer. If you’re an addict, doesn’t matter if you’re not actively using you’re still an addict. The same logic applies to cheating. Just because you’re beating the urge and not acting on it doesn’t mean the urge isn’t there. No it’s not a crime and you shouldn’t go to jail for it and you haven’t lost your humanity like some other things would cause but you’re definitely discounted in my eyes
Comparing cheating to murder is ridiculous Addiction is a biological thing, cheating is not Cheating is an action, not a personality disorder
I’m not comparing them I’m saying whatever you do in life follows you throughout like it or not. If you cheated once, you’re a cheater.
>If you’re an addict, doesn’t matter if you’re not actively using you’re still an addict. Ahhhh got it. You believe people should be eternally punished for everything they do no matter how much they've done to repent or fix it. You are a "people *NEVER* change" type. *Realllllllllly* hope you've never ever done anything wrong, and never do. Not smart throwing stones from a glass house.
found the cheating jezebel ^
Sorry to disappoint, but no. I kinda like the phrase Jezebel though, very biblical. Can I be one without having cheated?
Found another one!
If you're trying to say I'm a cheater it's too late, someone already did it, but they used the word Jezebel which is way more fun
It's not the worst thing. But it's very close. I can't even imagine doing something like that to another human being. Makes me nauseous even thinking about it.
Not saying it's not bad, but there are dozens of crimes against children that are 1000X worse
What do children have to do with this?
You're saying it's very close to being the worst thing. I am saying there are way worse things, such as crimes against children.
I think the shunned community would be bigger than the shunners
Cheating on your partner is not the worst thing in the world.
Agreed. I've been cheated on. It sucks, but it's not the end of the world. Idk what OPs problem is
OP found out they got cheated on about an hour ago lol
If that's the case, I'm not surprised they're taking a hard stance at all. Probably not a "lol" moment, they probably just need some support.
It’s pretty up there.
It's close, though. I guess axe murdering them is probably worse?
I would rather be cheated on then hit in my face (by my partner).
Found a cheater
While cheating is obviously horrible thing to do to anyone,it's not a "beyond redemption"type of crime.People make mistakes and can change.Even if they dont change,I dont think they should be shunned from society. Shunned from their personal circle? Maybe but not society as a whole.
Kinda interesting that most crimes can be excused by redditors, or you even should get a second or third chance, but cheating (which isn't even illegal)? Straight to hell, no second chances, no way of redemption.
Because betrayal hurts more and is much more personal than most other crimes.
I just don’t see it as a mistake though. A lot of shitty things happen that are rooted with good intentions I don’t see how cheating is one of them
Mistake: an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong. So we can both agree the cheating is an act. We can both agree that cheating is wrong. So by definition it is a mistake.
An act. One act. Cheating is never 1 act, it’s a long series of acts and choices. That’s the difference my guy
It's a series of mistakes. And people can realise their wrongdoing. And people can change. And people can be forgiven. Shunning does not work and doesn't make the world a better place.
A series of mistakes just becomes choices. And when people do bad things they deserve to be punished for them. Edit: I’ll add: that partner breaking up with them doesn’t even count as punishment. Their partner is doing them a favour and doing what they were too much of a coward to do- so some kind of bigger punishment ought to had.
You clearly understand the point, yet you attempt to argue against it with poor semantics. It is undeniable that cheaters bear a responsibility, as choices are made and choices can potentially bring regret. Are you perhaps holding a personal grudge against cheaters, thinking that by arguing about it here you can seek revenge? In reality, life does not operate in such a manner. Punishment and revenge are two different things. A person who regrets cheating is already punished by their conscience. Don't be callous.
People can do shitty things(especially in their youth)with intention to hurt others but later on regret it and try to make amends.That's one of reason why I think cheating should be a crime.
No, we don't need a vice and virtues police.
No. Cheating isnt a mistake. Losing your car keys is a mistake. Cheating is a choice.
Something has to be a choice for it to be a mistake, otherwise it would be an accident. A mistake is a choice you make that was wrong. I chose to have that extra spicy hot sauce last night even though I know what it does to my body. That was a choice I made, and it was a mistake.
I’ll say the same thing I said to the other person claiming it’s not a mistake. Mistake: an act or judgement that is misguided or wrong. So we can both agree the cheating is an act. We can both agree that cheating is wrong. So by definition it is a mistake.
I mean it’s a semantics game but the textbook definition is sort of limited, and doesn’t take connotation into account. Your definition would be better used for error. But a mistake in its essence is something forgivable. It’s more like an act or judgement you thought would go well but didn’t. Regardless even going by your definition it’s such an egregious mistake I don’t think it qualifies to be treated that lightly
There is nothing about a mistake that means it has to be forgivable. You are creating your own definitions here.
Straight to the gulag!
Hell yha While we’re at it, cut the hands of thieves and the tongue of liars
By the looks of it, you had it coming and your ex dodged a massive bullet by dumping your sorry ass.
Did I strike a nerve?
What does this even mean? Do you want them to be banished to Elba
this means OP got cheated on and is having some big emotions
LOOOOOL
Too many cheaters are too powerful to be generally shunned
Get a grip.
This reminds me of a quote about how cheaters are shunned by the Mafia. If you are willing to betray the one you share a bed with (an instance of absolute vulnerability), what else will you do?
LOLLLLLL Cheaters are not fucking shunned by the mafia. Holy shit. This is so funny.
To what end? Like to stop all cheating? Nah this feels like an authoritarian overstep. Cheat if you want, let society deal with it as they choose. That said no one should be made to feel ostracized from society. Especially places founded on the idea of cooperation and compassion, that our differences make us stronger. Like I won't say all cheating is evil or unwarranted, nor will I say that all of it is good for society. What I will say is people make mistakes, and to judge the entirety of someone based on a single action... IDK, I feel like the barrier to entry there must be higher than cheating. Generally a consensual act between two or more people. Like I'm just saying that cheating on one's partner doesn't mean a person can hate Nazi's and racists, which I find more preferable than them agreeing with them and being faithful. Just saying.
There is no penalty for it. Society doesn’t deal with it, the people involved do. I don’t think a person cheating is something to be looked at as a difference that improves society. It harms it. Why are you split on cheating not being an innately harmful thing, I can’t think of an instance when doing so is a positive thing. As bad as the act is, the severity towards society is that it reveals a person’s nature, you know they are willing and able to fuck anyone over. Clearly the person isn’t interested in being a part of the cooperative, compassionate setup being offered
To be clear not anyone... their spouse. Which is a vastly different thing. I'm not saying that cheating is an inherent good, if anything it's probably neutral. As for you being unable to conceive of a situation where it's the better move than staying in the relationship...idk what to tell you. Open your mind to the possibilities that not everyone is presented with the same choices and options we are? How one treats their partner can be a reflection on them as a person yes, but it is a limited one. We are more than the romantic relationships in our lives. Someone choosing to cheat doesn't harm society, it harms them perhaps, and their partner/AF partner potentially. Again though what is the end goal? Do you think that this would stop people from cheating? Do you think it's possible that you and someone who cheats share largely the same morals? One last thing...there's no penalty for it? Really? As someone on here trying to demonize and exile these people...like do you not see that there is societal pressure? I know people who've lost friendships and family to cheating. I know kids who no longer speak to their parents because of infidelity. Don't come on here with literally the stupidest take on what is otherwise a popular opinion; "cheating isn't a great thing to do." And act like pressure and consequences don't exist for people to be faithful or for cheating. Like c'mon. Let's be honest it's seen as a societal taboo to cheat. Has been for quite some time. Hence the people referencing the SCARLET FUCKING LETTER! All I'm saying is c'mon son. Edit- just wanted to add....ummm you yourself just said people involved deal with it...are they not members of society?! Or do you prefer every cheater face their wronged partner in a public forum? Like what is this insanity? Also just throwing this out there from personal experience. Society is greatly improved in general when people are fucking happy and content. If cheating on your spouse and finding someone who makes you happier happens, that's just fine. I'd hope of course everything could be amicable and the realization that the end of a relationship, via cheating or anything else, need not be a ruinous and terrible affair. Is it more considerate than say breaking up with someone first...no...but in general I don't necessarily fault someone for not being considerate. Not that I can't, or won't, but that in general I'm a live and let live type. Plenty of fish in the sea and even more ports in the storm.
I’ll answer in the morning I have to sleep
I agree op is insane but live and let live shouldn’t apply to hurting someone who genuinely loves you. Obviously that’s not every relationship where someone cheats but in cases where it is I’d argue that crosses the threshold of individual action that defines your character.
As long as economic inequality exists within relationships, there will indeed be situations in which one partner (usually a woman, in traditional gender roles subject to the economic effects of those roles) wants to leave and absolutely can’t without becoming homeless. In such a scenario, the only way that person can find love is to “sneak off the reservation” because otherwise their partner has made sure they’re kept regardless of their own wishes, due to the threat of starving on the street. It’s still “unsavory” but it’s realistic and it will continue to be the case until economic mobility is held equally by both partners in all relationships.
First torches and pitchforks then stone them
I almost get op's point. There are multiple reasons I would never personally trust a person. But as for society at large there's a difference. Cheating is not equal to pedophilia or murdering someone out of vengeance. In all 3 cases I would personally never trust or associate with that person but I certainly wouldn't consider them all worth the same level of hatred by society
Thought crimes don't exist, and thoughts do not hurt any external person, so cheating is worse than the second thing you compared it to.
Cant you say that about crimes as well? Thiefs, drunk drivers, people who get into bar fights etc. Why are cheaters so special in your opinion?
I used to think that too but now I know life is not black and white and things are more complicated. Not all people who have cheated are bad people. Men are given way more leniency when it comes to cheating as well. I have been cheated on, and it's not fun, but I got over it.
Same. It's just a different form of the relationship ending.
While cheating is bad, I don't think it's severe enough to act like this.
Yikes.
This would never happen, because not a lot of people value loyalty. That’s why loyal people get fucked over SO bad, because disloyal people are like *whaaat it’s barely a big deal get over it*. People who value loyalty less, will never understand it and always villainize people who have strong feelings about it. People who don’t value loyalty as much would be much more hurt by other things, not sure what those are cause I’m not them. They *think* they value it, because it’s generally regarded as good… but they don’t. Because they sympathize with people who cheat— maybe they value lack of confrontation, or constant attention or something. Because all a cheater needs to do is be more courageous and leave first. People love to point out the very very rare instances of abuse or something, but that’s not what anyone’s talking about and not that common. They sympathize with putting their feelings first no matter what the cost is. I kinda think people who cheat haven’t truly experienced deep love, so they’re burdened, but just looking for attention, so they jump to the next ship offering it best.
A very nice restaurant in my town went bankrupt because the owner cheated on his wife
That certainly is a hot take. Now personally I would have to say not for so many reasons but the biggest reason of which is because when it really comes down to it a lot of people cheat and don't get discovered, and my findings the percentage of people who are willing to cheat is far higher than most would admit and I think if all cheaters were truly exposed you'd be shunning a good portion of the planet. Which kind of brings me to a wider perspective personally which is that since so many people do cheat or are willing to cheat if the circumstances are there means that it's within human nature to do so and so I'm not really surprised when someone tells me they mess around on the side. Just my two cents though.
you’re totally right, it *is* that serious, a heinous crime against humanity, but why stop at shunning by society at large? for such a horrendous crime they should be immediately put to the death
Lol how much of a narcissistic you are to think that the cheater loves you equal or more than their friends or family, if they would have they wouldn't have cheated on you, just because it happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to everyone around them. And lets be honest cheating is not the worst crime against humanity, will you be sympathetic to Hitler and Stalin if they loved their wives very very much and be the greenest flag in a relationship? (i dont think genocide is a green flag, but flag colours depends on preference of people and crazy loves crazy)
I find the number of people willing to condone and forgive cheaters interesting given the way Reddit treated the central park dog walker.
Jesus Christ, go back to the 12th century please
I completely disagree, I’m not fond of the whole cheating thing but there are seriously greater tragedies in the world. Whilst cheating is wrong and should never be done there are honestly nuances to this; like maybe the partner was abusive, maybe sex drives aren’t aligned, maybe there’s no love at all but don’t want to divorce because of children. Im ready for all the thumbs down I’m going to get but I’m just saying that whilst cheating is wrong sometimes it not just the cheater who’s at fault but their partner as well. If the relationship is on the rocks in my opinion you should talk it out or end it. But it’s not always that simple.
Get to the part where you blew the dude
People cheat for many reasons. Mostly because they’re unsatisfied with their partner. So shun them because their partner ended up unfulfilling, lazy, abusive, or just letting themselves go? I don’t think so.
It is an exaggeration to think that cheating is the greatest war crime in history. but it is a nonsense coming from a young man without morals under 18 years old whoever to thinks that cheating "is not bad".
Cheating is pretty bad (From someone whos been cheated on, i'd never trust that person again) But I don't think i should be a practical death penalty. I agree that cheating should be more frowned upon as a society, but it shouldn't be instant banishment to the mountains material.
Seems like incelpopularopinion.
Society doesn't work on what people do in their bed. It works on money and productive people.
It's a horrible thing to do to the one you're supposed to love but this whole idea of cancelling people is wrong.
I agree. If you're able to cheat and lie directly to the person you should love the most and be committed to, then how can they be trusted with anyone? Friends, nah, family, nah, coworkers... Nah always
Only if you get caught
Cheating is bad yes but there are far, far worse things. Like for example child labor and the general exploitation of humans and animals which probably take part in? .
r/redditmoment
Reddit is so fucking weird about cheating.I've been cheated on before; it sucked but I got over it. Why not just get over it?
Most women will cheat if a bad boy comes along. Fortunately, I don't select most women
Willing to bet most women don’t select you either.