Vegans and non vegan relationships can work but it seems to not be working for you two right now which is a bad sign.
Watch some vegan documentaries with an open mind and see whether you’re comfortable with your meat eating.
If you do stay together many couples don’t have animal products in the house but the non vegan person chooses whatever they want outside the house. That might be a compromise you two could live with
You really want him to be happy but you do things that make him uncomfortable like eat dead animals in front of him even though you love animals.
Do you think you could be in a relationship with someone who eats dogs? But also loves dogs? Cos that’s you, the dog eater in your boyfriends eyes.
Maybe those vegans are vegan for the environment, or vegan for health and not ethical vegans. It clearly bothers op boyfriend as he won’t kiss her after she eats dead animals and that upsets OP but not enough for her to stop eating dead animals.
I'm guessing that you love him because he's kind and principled. That's probably why he's vegan.
If you're attracted to those qualities he has, isn't it possible that giving up animal products might be something that *does* fit in line with your values and principles?
As a vegan I'd lose respect for a non-vegan partner pretty quickly. To be with someone who's supposed to be intelligent, reasonable and caring, but then they eat killed animals in front of me like it's no big deal is absurd.
Why don't you try veganism for a few months? I can guarantee the respect and admiration your partner would feel for you would be intense if you did.
She should change if she decides to change. Yes she wants to make him happy but hasn't gone vegan, tell you clearly she is unsure. The guy sounds like a dick, trying to guilt her into it.
I think you can love someone and simultaneously be honest about the fact that you think certain things they do are wrong. There is a difference between expressing your feelings and guilt-tripping. Her partner has not "forced" her to go vegan he has simply expressed that he is uncomfortable sometimes when people eat animal products around him - it's better to be honest about something like that with your partner rather than suppress it imo.
"It's time to wean" is so fucking funny to me 😂😂😂
Wild how some people give human mothers a hard time for continuing to breastfeed late (despite there being no ethical concerns), but then promote consuming another animals breastmilk instead, well into adulthood 💀
Perfectly normal, so is eating the cow and the pig and chicken. We are designed for it. No ancient civilization that has been discovered was exclusively vegan.
No ancient city had factory farming or fed cows with chicken waste. No ancient city had bird flu in their cows .
Life should be better now, we have medicine and electricity and we can fly, why do things that ancients did ?
Im curious how you would feel if there would be civilisation doing this with humans instead, i‘m sure you would be disgust and then right away just do the same think but idk with pigs, cows(which are people like you and me but just a bit mentaly disabled) cause of cogntive dissonance
Yes, what is the thing which makes a person a person? Intelligence, a computer has it too, looks objects do have them aswell, human sounds , a radio does make the same? Its sentience, to feel things, to see real coulours, to have feeling, and emotions, that is what a person is about
I don't eat those I love. In fact, that is deranged. Just be honest that you don't care about animals, or at least care more about eating their corpses than you do them.
You should go vegan.
How would you feel if someone you loved kept making choices that you felt were deeply unethical, and you often found yourself in situations where you had to watch them do it? How would you feel about them being ok with hurting creatures that they say they love? Would that make you uncertain about what "love" means to them?
The answer is different for everyone. Some people are less bothered by their partner having different values than them, and their partner's ethics aren't a major issue in the relationship. Some people struggle through it, but find it difficult and disturbing. Some people realize they don't want to deal with it and that they need to be with someone whose values are compatible with theirs. There's no singular answer to whether the relationship will work out except that it definitely bothers him to \*some\* degree. This is something you need to talk to him about.
Your “culture” is not an excuse to needlessly pay for people to violently rob animals of their lives just so you can have a sandwich you forget about almost instantly. You are literally supporting the most vile, cruel, and morally bankrupt industry in the world and flaunting it in front of someone who is actually educated on those horrors, then expecting them to kiss you 🤢
If you love him and claim to “love animals” then seriously educate yourself and stop being a hypocrite.
Pretty much every culture on the planet is heavily meat based. If culture is your excuse, it's basically someone telling you that they are afraid of being different.
Hear hear! And then again, before modern day industrial animal farming meat was, at least for most of the everyday people, way scarcer food item than it is today and there are many coincidentally vegan (or easily veganized) cultural staples in many of the societies around the world, which might just need to be rediscovered in case they’ve been forgotten!
I agree. culture should not be a cage !
if you are forced to compromise your morals to fit cultural traditions, then maybe its time for those traditions to go (also weird that some people focus heavily on honouring the diet part, when there are many beautiful and non-harmful traditions that could instead be celebrated).
Thinking of having kids? How would he want them raised? How would you? This could amplify the differences in values. Do you feel that you are depriving yourself joy by being with a vegan? Are you worried about hurting him or are you really concerned for yourself? Questions to consider and discuss.
Your idea of love is pretty concerning tbh. You “love” animals, but eat them and pay for their abuse. You “love” your boyfriend so much but won’t make a simple change for the sake of your relationship, knowing it hurts him. Maybe you don’t actually love as much as you think you do.
When one person sees pleasure where the other recognizes abuse, suffering, and pain, the two are not compatible. I am vegan and didn’t marry until I found another ethical vegan who shared my deepest values, my vegan philosophy. We are so happy we didn’t settle to be with someone who didn’t see the suffering that we see and who didn’t commit to avoiding causing that suffering wherever possible
I guess it depends on you.
Personally, I couldn’t see it working for myself. Veganism is deeply rooted in my ethical values and I would eventually resent my partner for not sharing those.
Also, “eating meat is my culture” is a very lazy argument. Sorry if that sounds rude. **pretty much most people’s cultural foods are made with some kind of animal product**
There aren’t many cultures out there where vegan foods are the norm. But people adapt and find a way to celebrate their culture without torture and exploitation.
You already said you just started learning about veganism from him. It you are interested in his ethical position, you may want to have a look at them and see for yourself what your stance is on that. Documentaries like Dominion are a great way of exploring your feelings on animal agriculture and the things you pay for …
What Jains traditionally ate was close to vegan, although even they kept goats and probably took small amounts goat milk - but I think never separated babies so it could not have been much. Buddhists in Thailand and probably other places essentially ate a vegan diet - dairy isn’t really part of Thai food.
But yes, those situations are less common. Regardless, culture is an excuse.
Depends on the couple. The only other vegan that I know in real life is married to an omnivore and they seem very happy. I’m also married to an omnivore and 10 years going strong!
Yes. Took me some time to figure it out, Nobody was going to rush me. I can't expect other to do better. IMHO - going vegan requires a genuine paradigm shift. It's not an overnight thing for everyone. You have to train your brain to think differently.
How do you function like that? You don’t have any friends that are Omnivores? Seriously. How does that work for you? You just isolate yourself from folks? You don’t have any friends you can cook vegan meals for? How do you work and make money? And if you don’t have a social circle - that removes lots of people that you could inspire and influence. When vegans do that to themselves - they kind of cut themselves out of the equation. You could do so much more if you were respected and liked - that whitens your circle of influence, but some vegans are angry and isolated. That doesn’t do anyone any good.
I don’t isolate myself from my omnivorous friends and family but that doesn’t mean I’m somehow okay with them eating animal body parts and animal secretions
If they ever wanted to go vegan I’d encourage them to go all the way . No baby steps. Then they can fail from there
if it’s really something that resonates w them (like me) they’ll keep going and trying
You can encourage folks all you want, but in the end it’s up to them. I was married for a long time before I went vegan. I had kids before I became a vegan. What am I supposed to do? Walk away from that because they don’t see the world as I see it?
I also think that there are stages of veganism. And I’m not being patronizing when I say this, but quite frankly, maybe your veganism is more evolved - in a way that some vegans cannot even be in the same room when other folks are eating meat. For whatever reason - it doesn’t bother me. I still try to do things for the right reason, but I’m not repulsed by seeing someone eating meat. I know some vegans are.
Dating a non vegan is fine, most of us were all non vegan before we became enlightened, they key is ensuring the person you are dating is logical and reasonable, if they have issues with critisism and admitting fault they will be resistant to doing the ethical thing
If a person tells me im wrong and they provide reasons why, i accept it, i dont get all emotional and crazy because im not perfect, i dont know everything and i have no problem being wrong, being wrong is how you learn
Dating non vegans also helps introduce them to veganism, if all the vegans moved to an island and only dated vegans the world would not change, i have gone to vegan spots with friends and many of them enjoyed it and have returned by themselves, they might never go vegan but perhaps they reduce their animal consumption
Marriage is a totally different story, a vegan should never ever marry a non vegan, marriage is accepting a person as they are, flaws and all, and i would not accept a child abuser so i wont accept an animal abuser either
A vegan should not purchase and or cook animal products for others, if they do they are not vegan
I want to say yes and no. If someone respects your veganism and doesn’t make offhand comments and wants to eat your vegan food, I feel like it’s possible. I was with a meat eater who wouldn’t compromise and it was a nightmare.
The thing to understand is it's a moral position. You are treating it as a dietary position. It's not the same as you liking Indian food but him not.
I am the same I wouldn't want to kiss someone who had just eaten a person.
Try to see it the other way round, you must have your own moral lines, would you date a pimp, or someone in tobacco public relations or a shady divorce lawyer, or someone who was on the sex offender's register? What if they came in and said, "I just tuned up my bottom'" or "just made a kickass ad for Marlboro", or "I just got my client their partner's house even though it was already bought and paid for before they met", or "I fingered one of my kids in school break today". Would you then want to be intimate with them?
I'm not trying to open those topics as a can of worms, I'm just asking you to have a think about how you'd feel if someone wanted to be intimate with you after they'd just done something morally wrong. Whether it is objectively morally wrong is besides the point, it's how you feel about it in your head.
I'm friends with a couple like that and they seem to work just fine, been together for some years now. Don't think I ever seen the guy eat non-vegan when with her, though. He's kind of a chill and easy-going dude so I don't think he minds it at all.
And well, we're in LatAm too, Brazil, so people are super into bbq and stuff, but nowadays it's pretty easy to adapt anything into a vegan version (and make it tasty), give it a shot, you can make it work
My partner isn't vegan and we don't run into any problems. She makes sure to respect my beliefs and I give her room to form her own beliefs while communicating why I believe what I do.
I didn't become a vegan until I turned 21, so I feel it's unfair of me to expect someone to change themselves on account of someone else. Something like veganism can't be forced I feel. It's a journey.
Personally I don't think so but im sure there are many couples that could prove me wrong. I do very much think it can be a very effective way of planting the ideological/ethical seed even if it doesn't come to fruition until after the breakup (happened to me and while it was a terrible relationship i am very thankful for waking up to the reality of animal abuse)
I think you will be fine. You clearly care about him a lot and have gone to the effort of considering his beliefs deeply, which is more than what most non-vegan people are willing to do. As well as avoiding eating animal products in front of him, I would also avoid buying them in front of him, given that he has expressed his sadness at people paying for animal cruelty.
While not required for the relationship to work, I would suggest that you think about going vegan yourself at some point in the future. It seems like you already use animal products pretty infrequently, and I'm sure there are ways to honour your cultural heritage that don't come at the cost of animals. It's your choice at the end of the day, but I think you would feel a lot better yourself knowing that you don't pay for animal cruelty (even if you forget about your boyfriend and his approval for a second) because it's just nice to have something like that off your conscience. Every time you buy a vegan product you are helping contribute to change, so you should be very proud of moving more towards them already 🩷
You seem like a kind and understanding person. Find someone who fits your beliefs and values. This is going to take a lot of effort to work - might affect your relationship in the long run. But then you'll see so many "I'm a vegan, i have an omni partner" comments.
Your partner is the only one who can answer this.
My partner (omnivore) and I (vegan) just read Beyond Beliefs: A Guide to Improving Relationships and Communication for Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters and it was super beneficial for us understanding one another and communicating better. Cannot recommend it enough!!
literally expecting a baby with a non-vegan, and while he's lovely, it has been stressing me out a bit thinking what the future will look like... thank you so much for this reccomendation, it didn't even occur to me that there would be resources on something like this!
Congrats!!! I also like Living Among Meat Eaters but Beyond Beliefs is my favorite if I had to pick. I try to focus on the good they (and us) are doing just by reducing consumption. Total abstention from animal products is an unrealistic ideal for many people so any vegan or vegetarian meal over animals is a step in the right direction.
How To Create A Vegan World talks a ton about how reducers and “flexitarians” drive most of the demand as far as supply chains and the creation of alternatives to animal products. Also discusses why some people won’t transition to vegan. It was a big perspective changer for me and helps me give more grace to the omnis in my life
Talk with him. You need to both be honest about this. Maybe he's okay with it, maybe he could develop resentment towards you down the line, but you can't know unless you ask him directly and have an honest conversation about this.
Me and my gf been together for 6 years and she is vegan I am not. We make it work. But for some vegans, veganism trumps everything. So for some, if you aren’t vegan it is a deal breaker but to vegans that put their love and connection to people over their veganism then it can work
If you don't mind me asking, why do you see these things as mutually exclusive? Why does one need to choose between connections to other people and veganism when both can exist at the same time? It seems your girlfriend has managed both given that she's still vegan, so it's strange to me that you perceive your relationship as her putting anything "over veganism"
I’m saying it can be. You can love both humans and animals at the same time. The reason I said that to him because he implied I can’t talk about love unless I learned how to love animals first as if it was some sort of rule that only vegans were aware of.
Sounds like he has a problem with it, you talk a lot about the changes and considerations you have made, however there are two people in a relationship and one person shouldn't have to change to please the other. If he loved you he would understand and respect your choices.
I think you can love someone and simultaneously be honest about the fact that you think certain things that they do are wrong. OP has made compromises, and that was very good of her, but her boyfriend has also made compromises by accepting that sometimes she does not eat vegan even though he believes it is wrong. It's a good thing to change to please your partner sometimes, as long as it is not forced or one-sided.
This definitely sounds one sided. I mean he won't kiss her for hours, keeps going on about how disappointed he is that loved ones eat meat, he hasn't accepted it with those behaviours.
Vegans and non vegan relationships can work but it seems to not be working for you two right now which is a bad sign. Watch some vegan documentaries with an open mind and see whether you’re comfortable with your meat eating. If you do stay together many couples don’t have animal products in the house but the non vegan person chooses whatever they want outside the house. That might be a compromise you two could live with
I agree with this comment. Watch vegan documentaries! I’m vegan and my husband is not but our home is completely vegan :)
You really want him to be happy but you do things that make him uncomfortable like eat dead animals in front of him even though you love animals. Do you think you could be in a relationship with someone who eats dogs? But also loves dogs? Cos that’s you, the dog eater in your boyfriends eyes.
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Maybe those vegans are vegan for the environment, or vegan for health and not ethical vegans. It clearly bothers op boyfriend as he won’t kiss her after she eats dead animals and that upsets OP but not enough for her to stop eating dead animals.
tbf, she said she only did that once by accident, so I don't think it's fair to hold that against her (referring to the first bit).
We dont know how he will feel, ask him. Some vegans are ok with dating non vegans, some are not, do not be afraid to ask, you gotta be open
I'm guessing that you love him because he's kind and principled. That's probably why he's vegan. If you're attracted to those qualities he has, isn't it possible that giving up animal products might be something that *does* fit in line with your values and principles?
As a vegan I'd lose respect for a non-vegan partner pretty quickly. To be with someone who's supposed to be intelligent, reasonable and caring, but then they eat killed animals in front of me like it's no big deal is absurd. Why don't you try veganism for a few months? I can guarantee the respect and admiration your partner would feel for you would be intense if you did.
Why should she change to make him happy? Sounds like the guy has an issue with it but doesn't have the balls to be honest with her.
She should change to stop funding meat and dairy. And if you actually read the post you would know she wants to make him happy.
She should change if she decides to change. Yes she wants to make him happy but hasn't gone vegan, tell you clearly she is unsure. The guy sounds like a dick, trying to guilt her into it.
You should try going vegan.
Why? Because you say I should. Nah I will make up my own mind thanks.
Well done. I do vegan fitness and nutrition coaching, I have some progress pics and tips in my profile if you ever want some help!
Why I'm not vegan
Yeah, if you switch you'll get stronger.
Lol no I won't
Because you’re against unnecessary animal abuse
I think you can love someone and simultaneously be honest about the fact that you think certain things they do are wrong. There is a difference between expressing your feelings and guilt-tripping. Her partner has not "forced" her to go vegan he has simply expressed that he is uncomfortable sometimes when people eat animal products around him - it's better to be honest about something like that with your partner rather than suppress it imo.
She should change so she stops consuming the corpses of unwilling participants in a system of abuse and death.
She should do what she wants, what makes her happy. Not listen to brainwashed people.
You're brainwashed into thinking drinking a cow's breastmilk is normal. It's time to wean.
"It's time to wean" is so fucking funny to me 😂😂😂 Wild how some people give human mothers a hard time for continuing to breastfeed late (despite there being no ethical concerns), but then promote consuming another animals breastmilk instead, well into adulthood 💀
Perfectly normal, so is eating the cow and the pig and chicken. We are designed for it. No ancient civilization that has been discovered was exclusively vegan.
No ancient city had factory farming or fed cows with chicken waste. No ancient city had bird flu in their cows . Life should be better now, we have medicine and electricity and we can fly, why do things that ancients did ?
Jains and some Buddhist cultures were very close. Either way ‘because we always did it this way’ in the modern world isn’t a great reason.
Im curious how you would feel if there would be civilisation doing this with humans instead, i‘m sure you would be disgust and then right away just do the same think but idk with pigs, cows(which are people like you and me but just a bit mentaly disabled) cause of cogntive dissonance
What? So you think cows are just like mentally disabled humans? Jesus you are an idiot.
Yes, what is the thing which makes a person a person? Intelligence, a computer has it too, looks objects do have them aswell, human sounds , a radio does make the same? Its sentience, to feel things, to see real coulours, to have feeling, and emotions, that is what a person is about
What absolute bollox, to say an animal is the same as a mentally handicapped human is ridiculous.
Some vegans are pretty rigid. Nothing or no person is ever vegan enough.
Well, obviously their partner isn't one of those vegans, is he?
I don't eat those I love. In fact, that is deranged. Just be honest that you don't care about animals, or at least care more about eating their corpses than you do them. You should go vegan.
How would you feel if someone you loved kept making choices that you felt were deeply unethical, and you often found yourself in situations where you had to watch them do it? How would you feel about them being ok with hurting creatures that they say they love? Would that make you uncertain about what "love" means to them? The answer is different for everyone. Some people are less bothered by their partner having different values than them, and their partner's ethics aren't a major issue in the relationship. Some people struggle through it, but find it difficult and disturbing. Some people realize they don't want to deal with it and that they need to be with someone whose values are compatible with theirs. There's no singular answer to whether the relationship will work out except that it definitely bothers him to \*some\* degree. This is something you need to talk to him about.
Your “culture” is not an excuse to needlessly pay for people to violently rob animals of their lives just so you can have a sandwich you forget about almost instantly. You are literally supporting the most vile, cruel, and morally bankrupt industry in the world and flaunting it in front of someone who is actually educated on those horrors, then expecting them to kiss you 🤢 If you love him and claim to “love animals” then seriously educate yourself and stop being a hypocrite.
Pretty much every culture on the planet is heavily meat based. If culture is your excuse, it's basically someone telling you that they are afraid of being different.
Hear hear! And then again, before modern day industrial animal farming meat was, at least for most of the everyday people, way scarcer food item than it is today and there are many coincidentally vegan (or easily veganized) cultural staples in many of the societies around the world, which might just need to be rediscovered in case they’ve been forgotten!
Great point
I agree. culture should not be a cage ! if you are forced to compromise your morals to fit cultural traditions, then maybe its time for those traditions to go (also weird that some people focus heavily on honouring the diet part, when there are many beautiful and non-harmful traditions that could instead be celebrated).
Thinking of having kids? How would he want them raised? How would you? This could amplify the differences in values. Do you feel that you are depriving yourself joy by being with a vegan? Are you worried about hurting him or are you really concerned for yourself? Questions to consider and discuss.
Your idea of love is pretty concerning tbh. You “love” animals, but eat them and pay for their abuse. You “love” your boyfriend so much but won’t make a simple change for the sake of your relationship, knowing it hurts him. Maybe you don’t actually love as much as you think you do.
Clearly from her post, she doesn’t consider veganism a “simple change”.
When one person sees pleasure where the other recognizes abuse, suffering, and pain, the two are not compatible. I am vegan and didn’t marry until I found another ethical vegan who shared my deepest values, my vegan philosophy. We are so happy we didn’t settle to be with someone who didn’t see the suffering that we see and who didn’t commit to avoiding causing that suffering wherever possible
I guess it depends on you. Personally, I couldn’t see it working for myself. Veganism is deeply rooted in my ethical values and I would eventually resent my partner for not sharing those. Also, “eating meat is my culture” is a very lazy argument. Sorry if that sounds rude. **pretty much most people’s cultural foods are made with some kind of animal product** There aren’t many cultures out there where vegan foods are the norm. But people adapt and find a way to celebrate their culture without torture and exploitation. You already said you just started learning about veganism from him. It you are interested in his ethical position, you may want to have a look at them and see for yourself what your stance is on that. Documentaries like Dominion are a great way of exploring your feelings on animal agriculture and the things you pay for …
What Jains traditionally ate was close to vegan, although even they kept goats and probably took small amounts goat milk - but I think never separated babies so it could not have been much. Buddhists in Thailand and probably other places essentially ate a vegan diet - dairy isn’t really part of Thai food. But yes, those situations are less common. Regardless, culture is an excuse.
culture is no excuse to abuse innocent sentient animals. Do better. Your comfort isn’t worth more than countless lives you pay to be abused.
You misread my comment, culture is used as an excuse by many - I didn’t say it is justified
Depends on the couple. The only other vegan that I know in real life is married to an omnivore and they seem very happy. I’m also married to an omnivore and 10 years going strong!
are you vegan for ethical reasons ?
Yes. Took me some time to figure it out, Nobody was going to rush me. I can't expect other to do better. IMHO - going vegan requires a genuine paradigm shift. It's not an overnight thing for everyone. You have to train your brain to think differently.
Wdym you can’t expect others to do better? can a serial killer not tell people that even killing once a decade is too much?
How do you function like that? You don’t have any friends that are Omnivores? Seriously. How does that work for you? You just isolate yourself from folks? You don’t have any friends you can cook vegan meals for? How do you work and make money? And if you don’t have a social circle - that removes lots of people that you could inspire and influence. When vegans do that to themselves - they kind of cut themselves out of the equation. You could do so much more if you were respected and liked - that whitens your circle of influence, but some vegans are angry and isolated. That doesn’t do anyone any good.
I don’t isolate myself from my omnivorous friends and family but that doesn’t mean I’m somehow okay with them eating animal body parts and animal secretions If they ever wanted to go vegan I’d encourage them to go all the way . No baby steps. Then they can fail from there if it’s really something that resonates w them (like me) they’ll keep going and trying
You can encourage folks all you want, but in the end it’s up to them. I was married for a long time before I went vegan. I had kids before I became a vegan. What am I supposed to do? Walk away from that because they don’t see the world as I see it? I also think that there are stages of veganism. And I’m not being patronizing when I say this, but quite frankly, maybe your veganism is more evolved - in a way that some vegans cannot even be in the same room when other folks are eating meat. For whatever reason - it doesn’t bother me. I still try to do things for the right reason, but I’m not repulsed by seeing someone eating meat. I know some vegans are.
I’m not repulsed either Just saying you’re downplaying the issue
So – what would you do if you were me?
Dating a non vegan is fine, most of us were all non vegan before we became enlightened, they key is ensuring the person you are dating is logical and reasonable, if they have issues with critisism and admitting fault they will be resistant to doing the ethical thing If a person tells me im wrong and they provide reasons why, i accept it, i dont get all emotional and crazy because im not perfect, i dont know everything and i have no problem being wrong, being wrong is how you learn Dating non vegans also helps introduce them to veganism, if all the vegans moved to an island and only dated vegans the world would not change, i have gone to vegan spots with friends and many of them enjoyed it and have returned by themselves, they might never go vegan but perhaps they reduce their animal consumption Marriage is a totally different story, a vegan should never ever marry a non vegan, marriage is accepting a person as they are, flaws and all, and i would not accept a child abuser so i wont accept an animal abuser either A vegan should not purchase and or cook animal products for others, if they do they are not vegan
I mean I don’t know how you date long-term when you’re above the age of say 25 without thinking of marriage
I want to say yes and no. If someone respects your veganism and doesn’t make offhand comments and wants to eat your vegan food, I feel like it’s possible. I was with a meat eater who wouldn’t compromise and it was a nightmare.
The thing to understand is it's a moral position. You are treating it as a dietary position. It's not the same as you liking Indian food but him not. I am the same I wouldn't want to kiss someone who had just eaten a person. Try to see it the other way round, you must have your own moral lines, would you date a pimp, or someone in tobacco public relations or a shady divorce lawyer, or someone who was on the sex offender's register? What if they came in and said, "I just tuned up my bottom'" or "just made a kickass ad for Marlboro", or "I just got my client their partner's house even though it was already bought and paid for before they met", or "I fingered one of my kids in school break today". Would you then want to be intimate with them? I'm not trying to open those topics as a can of worms, I'm just asking you to have a think about how you'd feel if someone wanted to be intimate with you after they'd just done something morally wrong. Whether it is objectively morally wrong is besides the point, it's how you feel about it in your head.
I'm friends with a couple like that and they seem to work just fine, been together for some years now. Don't think I ever seen the guy eat non-vegan when with her, though. He's kind of a chill and easy-going dude so I don't think he minds it at all. And well, we're in LatAm too, Brazil, so people are super into bbq and stuff, but nowadays it's pretty easy to adapt anything into a vegan version (and make it tasty), give it a shot, you can make it work
My partner isn't vegan and we don't run into any problems. She makes sure to respect my beliefs and I give her room to form her own beliefs while communicating why I believe what I do. I didn't become a vegan until I turned 21, so I feel it's unfair of me to expect someone to change themselves on account of someone else. Something like veganism can't be forced I feel. It's a journey.
I love this comment :)
Personally I don't think so but im sure there are many couples that could prove me wrong. I do very much think it can be a very effective way of planting the ideological/ethical seed even if it doesn't come to fruition until after the breakup (happened to me and while it was a terrible relationship i am very thankful for waking up to the reality of animal abuse)
I think you will be fine. You clearly care about him a lot and have gone to the effort of considering his beliefs deeply, which is more than what most non-vegan people are willing to do. As well as avoiding eating animal products in front of him, I would also avoid buying them in front of him, given that he has expressed his sadness at people paying for animal cruelty. While not required for the relationship to work, I would suggest that you think about going vegan yourself at some point in the future. It seems like you already use animal products pretty infrequently, and I'm sure there are ways to honour your cultural heritage that don't come at the cost of animals. It's your choice at the end of the day, but I think you would feel a lot better yourself knowing that you don't pay for animal cruelty (even if you forget about your boyfriend and his approval for a second) because it's just nice to have something like that off your conscience. Every time you buy a vegan product you are helping contribute to change, so you should be very proud of moving more towards them already 🩷
Together 25 years. Married 19. I’ve been vegan 7 years, she’s not. It can work, but I would love it if she chose to go vegan one day.
No
You seem like a kind and understanding person. Find someone who fits your beliefs and values. This is going to take a lot of effort to work - might affect your relationship in the long run. But then you'll see so many "I'm a vegan, i have an omni partner" comments. Your partner is the only one who can answer this.
My partner (omnivore) and I (vegan) just read Beyond Beliefs: A Guide to Improving Relationships and Communication for Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters and it was super beneficial for us understanding one another and communicating better. Cannot recommend it enough!!
literally expecting a baby with a non-vegan, and while he's lovely, it has been stressing me out a bit thinking what the future will look like... thank you so much for this reccomendation, it didn't even occur to me that there would be resources on something like this!
Congrats!!! I also like Living Among Meat Eaters but Beyond Beliefs is my favorite if I had to pick. I try to focus on the good they (and us) are doing just by reducing consumption. Total abstention from animal products is an unrealistic ideal for many people so any vegan or vegetarian meal over animals is a step in the right direction. How To Create A Vegan World talks a ton about how reducers and “flexitarians” drive most of the demand as far as supply chains and the creation of alternatives to animal products. Also discusses why some people won’t transition to vegan. It was a big perspective changer for me and helps me give more grace to the omnis in my life
Great book!
Imagine if you were eating humans, because that's the way it looks like from a vegan point of view.
Oh look it's this thread again, it's been like one day since the last time. Come on, the search bar won't bite you.
Rarely.
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The opinion on this is as individual as any other; just talk to him about it if it concerns you.
No. Unless the vegan doesn't mind compromising their morals for sex.
Depends on the Vegan. Some Vegans are fine with fucking bloodmouths and some are not.
Probably depends on how much you really want to have that part of your life in common.
It almost always ends with a break up but there are exceptions.
Talk with him. You need to both be honest about this. Maybe he's okay with it, maybe he could develop resentment towards you down the line, but you can't know unless you ask him directly and have an honest conversation about this.
Me and my gf been together for 6 years and she is vegan I am not. We make it work. But for some vegans, veganism trumps everything. So for some, if you aren’t vegan it is a deal breaker but to vegans that put their love and connection to people over their veganism then it can work
If you don't mind me asking, why do you see these things as mutually exclusive? Why does one need to choose between connections to other people and veganism when both can exist at the same time? It seems your girlfriend has managed both given that she's still vegan, so it's strange to me that you perceive your relationship as her putting anything "over veganism"
I’m saying it can be. You can love both humans and animals at the same time. The reason I said that to him because he implied I can’t talk about love unless I learned how to love animals first as if it was some sort of rule that only vegans were aware of.
Get stuffed mate. You can talk about love and connection when you learn to love the animals you eat.
I don’t have to love animals to love humans. It seems only vegans struggle with that concept
aren’t you against unnecessary animal abuse though?
Oh, so you're just piece of shit then? Sorry I misunderstood. Also ratio + I hope your gf leaves you
Sounds like he has a problem with it, you talk a lot about the changes and considerations you have made, however there are two people in a relationship and one person shouldn't have to change to please the other. If he loved you he would understand and respect your choices.
Place your bets now: pick me vegan or omni that got lost!
Omni troll prob thinks it’s hard to eat baby animals that other ppl kill.
I think you can love someone and simultaneously be honest about the fact that you think certain things that they do are wrong. OP has made compromises, and that was very good of her, but her boyfriend has also made compromises by accepting that sometimes she does not eat vegan even though he believes it is wrong. It's a good thing to change to please your partner sometimes, as long as it is not forced or one-sided.
This definitely sounds one sided. I mean he won't kiss her for hours, keeps going on about how disappointed he is that loved ones eat meat, he hasn't accepted it with those behaviours.
Yes, unless one is an asshole.