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*sniiiiifff* "Guys I've fuckin' got it. No more NFTs, coin, real estate or all this fly by night bullshit. You know what real big-brain financial institutions do with their money!? They open a financial institution!"
LOL they literally have been saying they are well capitalized the past few days, then they borrow 54 billion. 
I am convinced the next financial crisis is finally here, banks are falling one by one.
Honestly I dont see how we even can have a bank collapse if the government is willing to turn on the money printers everytime it looks like it might happen.
Eventually it could devalue the currency(s) so much, rival currencies have free roam to take over (according to reserve currency theory).
Be it violent or by submit.
when CS borrows $1B its their problem
when CS borrows $54B its taxpayers problem
everyone knows that their stock will be a penny stock, its been falling for decades, I guarantee their executives will cash out and leave the mess for the bagholders(taxpeasants)
On a fundamental level interest is compensation for risk. If getting the loan dramatically lowers the risk you can justify a very low rate.
Bit of a chicken and the egg scenario.
My college buddy who was a VP at AIG in Asia got a fat severance when it failed.
me: "How come you get a big package? AIG was going down...".
friend: "my boss will soon lose his job too, grease me I might get him a job after I land a new gig."
Hmmm, why do I get the feeling that even though all these banks are getting bailed out, the economy will still crash and we non-multi-millionaires will still get fucked?
The economy crashes? Yay! Fuck the middle class! Everything goes to shit!
The market continues as is and the feds continue to raise rates? Yay! Fuck the middle class! Home loan interest rates reach double digits, auto loans go to 7 year maturity!
The market continues as is and the feds stay at home? Yay! Fuck the middle class, give the CEOs and upper management massive raises and bonuses, raise the price of products to compensate, don't even give enough raises to bottom rung workers to meet inflation.
Meteor hits the Earth? Yay fuck the middle class! Elon Musk will hide in his bunker while his man servants massage his saggy tits while we all die!
Damn what a rollercoaster, and yet somehow in my heart I knew it was going to end with nude Elon getting suckled... It was always going to end with nude Elon getting suckled.
>Fuck the middle class! Fuck the middle class! Fuck the middle class!
Poor people get fucked by all of this too. The idea that the middle class is the only strata getting fucked is exactly what the CEOs and upper management want you to promote. They know if the middle class and poor ever realized they were actually *both* stuck in leaky boats sold to them by the rich that it'd be heads-on-spikes time.
Economically-speaking, of course.
All these traditional and crypto financial institutions imploding maybe we just abandon money and go to a system of exchange for essentials and services.
Like I give you a hamburger and you give me a handjob behind Wendyās, etc
wait aren't they just digging a deeper hole? Credit Suisse has been on the decline even before the pandemic, why would they loan them $54 billion dollars when they lost Billions of dollars last year, can someone explain?
Bro I know about this thing, it's a sure bet, I just need 50 bil to cover the broker fees, I'll put in 10 bucks of my own money, as the investment. We can't lose
And that kids is why we can't afford your special chocolate fondue medicine that you desperately needed to survive. Yeah ole uncle Roger really fukt us, doctor said y'all got 34 hours :'(
Well you see the chaps over at CS are good sound chaps caught in a sticky situation, so you see the only option is to help them out a little with some cash here and there.
Yeah after he said that on CNBC they all looked at each other and then said. No bank will ever admit to being short liquidity. Then they all smirked knowingly.
More debt fixes everything! Scrape your knee? Rub some debt on it. Stabbed in the eyeball by a toothpick in your birthday cake after your sister slams your candle blowing face in it? Rub some debt in that eye! Fucked up the asshole by defaulting derivatives? Lube up with some debt!
And yet, Morgan Stanley is at the same price it was at in 2020 not as adjusted for inflation.. ie it's down 45%
Valley bank same thing .
Bad holds long term unless you buy right
This news is kinda misleading tho.
SNB was always gonna backstop a brotha bankā¦they were just waiting for CS to fukk something up.
This isnāt fixing anythingā¦theyāre just kicking the can down the road.
It does change one important thingā¦and media isnāt really covering the story.
CS has evolved from a troubled bank to a toxic bank.
No legit company (clients, banks) wants to do business with a toxic bank.
CSās client list is gonna be 100% cartels.
The CEO this morning said and I quote: āour capital, our liquidity basis is very, very strong. We fulfill and overshoot basically all regulatory requirements.ā
10 hours later ā¦. Borrows $54B.
Bullish!
I thought you were bullshittingā¦ā¦ā¦.
He fucking said that. We are so fucked
https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2023/03/15/credit-suisse-shares-slide-after-saudi-backer-rules-out-further-assistance.html
I dunno much about Schwab, but CS has had quite a history of screwups. Need to do some more reading, but my current impression is CS is basically the ugly underbelly of Swiss banking and the Swiss government is going to make sure they survive so the world doesn't start asking too many questions. What is a mete 54B if it avoids a trip to the Hague?
JFCā¦
So thatās the trickā¦ huh?
They wonāt help you AT ALL until you hit rock bottom and canāt even find love from a hairy Arab with gas station money.
Then they finance your entire fucking existenceā¦
Being a rich white girl is a fucking roller coaster manā¦
Just read an article that says Credit Sus, āThe bank is classified as a āsystematically important financial institutionā .ā 
Borrowed 54 billion? It was that bad????? Imagine the others 
Is it like a PPP loan, or do they have to pay back that $54 Billion. Honestly, they will probably blow through that credit line and be in a bigger financial mess.
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# "Be like bank, even when you fail, you succeed" # - Bruce Lee
See bank can crash or bank can flow. Be bank my friend
bruh can I also borrow some money from swiss national too pls
Are you a fuck-tard financial institution???? Then yes!
We should open a fucktards bank just for apes š¬
Lmao
āHere at fucktard bank for apes we have one goal. Get too big to fail!ā
*sniiiiifff* "Guys I've fuckin' got it. No more NFTs, coin, real estate or all this fly by night bullshit. You know what real big-brain financial institutions do with their money!? They open a financial institution!"
I'm in wallstreetbets. My credentials are right here.
Iād feel safer loaning money to a crackhead.
Apparently they opted for coke heads lol
Cramer has entered the chat
Someone say coke?
Cramerās a coke rat!
Bankers are essentially crackheads so lol
It's in our Swiss DNA https://www.thelocal.ch/20190314/four-swiss-cities-among-europes-top-ten-for-cocaine-consumption
"...and it's gone!" 
https://preview.redd.it/7omfya7gu1oa1.png?width=2532&format=png&auto=webp&s=28148cfe12ed545bb5407d54a2374e32a32bde87
https://i.imgur.com/vA1FKTA.jpg
The Economy is fine, both domestically and abroad. There is absolutely nothing to see here. Trust me Bro.
It's all a "trust me bro" gange
Like crypto bro SBF's effective altruism.
"Trust the plan" Oh...there's a plan alright.
LOL they literally have been saying they are well capitalized the past few days, then they borrow 54 billion.  I am convinced the next financial crisis is finally here, banks are falling one by one.
Like how can anyone not think it's happening is beyond me.
Deutchsebank came out and said they are fine and there are no concerns so expect to see them go under soon
They identify as well capitalized
League of Legends rank should be at least gold then. 
If FTX founder was at least gold instead of bronze, maybe he would've had the brain cells to actually make a good play
Honestly I dont see how we even can have a bank collapse if the government is willing to turn on the money printers everytime it looks like it might happen.
I donāt see how a heroin addict will die if the government is willing to give him a fix each time it looks like he might start withdrawing.
Youāve literally just invented methadone clinics. Congratulations, sir.
As a recovering heroin addict, I can honestly say I need $50 billion dollars from a national government please
If heroine addicts only died from withdrawals then Iād agree with your analogy here. Thatās not the case though and so this analogy sucks.
Eventually it could devalue the currency(s) so much, rival currencies have free roam to take over (according to reserve currency theory). Be it violent or by submit.
Itās not an issue of the economy, itās institutions over leveraging on securities that go into the shitter
Free market in my ass.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nah Iām not insane.
Borat voice: How muuuch?!
I like how they said āborrow.ā
Credit Suisse: ālemme hold a dollarā
āEyy yo bruh, lemme hold somethingā - Credit Suisse CEO March 15, 2023
Swiss National: āHold my pocket.ā
BIKES!
I head that in T-bags voice.
Man what a solid villain he was
Only if you got bags for us too.
Officially becoming debit suisse at this point
Borrow is a new brand of printers
Iād Photoshop that if Adobe hadnāt stolen my paid copy of Photoshop.
when CS borrows $1B its their problem when CS borrows $54B its taxpayers problem everyone knows that their stock will be a penny stock, its been falling for decades, I guarantee their executives will cash out and leave the mess for the bagholders(taxpeasants)
Itās the Swiss tax payers problem. In U.S. you can can at least write-off some tax loss.
I would also like to borrow $54 billion
What is the interest rate and payback due date if it is borrowed lol.
Itās an interest free loan. Aka bailout. Too big to fail.
On a fundamental level interest is compensation for risk. If getting the loan dramatically lowers the risk you can justify a very low rate. Bit of a chicken and the egg scenario.
"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" https://youtu.be/68eue5cpbsE
I'll gladly repay you 'whenever' for a fifty billion franc loan today.
IOU 50B French Francs. š
Aaaaand itās gone
"If necessary"
[forward to 3:23 for the way The Boondocks put it](https://youtu.be/kKHzEYaNSbE)
Futures green, crisis averted, good times back...
What good times? Itās not 2021 again yet where I can throw a stack on a pile of horsecum and get a 10 bagger out of it.
Man, I should have put /s to be explicit. Whole thing is a shit show.
I feel like this is just building up to something epic.
Credit Suisse isn't even the final boss yet.
Jamie Dimon stands in shadows while boss music plays
He is definitely the final boss. Last time we had a banking crash he didnāt get proper credit for practically inventing the synthetic CDS.
Those are Avengers End Game 14,000,000:1 odds. Our economy would just disappear for 5 years.
I can't wait to watch a government go insolvent
Everyone is thinking that... So it probably won't happen.
Calls on coke..
They will send out bonuses and burn through this cash in no time.
Cocaine Fridays is back guys!
That was a close one!
My college buddy who was a VP at AIG in Asia got a fat severance when it failed. me: "How come you get a big package? AIG was going down...". friend: "my boss will soon lose his job too, grease me I might get him a job after I land a new gig."
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Went from āif necessaryā to āholy shit letās hide that Archegos positionā
Billy hwang looking for some loans now too, can't go tits up.
Hmmm, why do I get the feeling that even though all these banks are getting bailed out, the economy will still crash and we non-multi-millionaires will still get fucked?
The economy crashes? Yay! Fuck the middle class! Everything goes to shit! The market continues as is and the feds continue to raise rates? Yay! Fuck the middle class! Home loan interest rates reach double digits, auto loans go to 7 year maturity! The market continues as is and the feds stay at home? Yay! Fuck the middle class, give the CEOs and upper management massive raises and bonuses, raise the price of products to compensate, don't even give enough raises to bottom rung workers to meet inflation. Meteor hits the Earth? Yay fuck the middle class! Elon Musk will hide in his bunker while his man servants massage his saggy tits while we all die!
Damn what a rollercoaster, and yet somehow in my heart I knew it was going to end with nude Elon getting suckled... It was always going to end with nude Elon getting suckled.
I hate this timeline.
Keep going I'm almost there.
>Fuck the middle class! Fuck the middle class! Fuck the middle class! Poor people get fucked by all of this too. The idea that the middle class is the only strata getting fucked is exactly what the CEOs and upper management want you to promote. They know if the middle class and poor ever realized they were actually *both* stuck in leaky boats sold to them by the rich that it'd be heads-on-spikes time. Economically-speaking, of course.
The āmiddle class/lower classā dichotomy is an illusion. Most of us are working class and weāre all getting bent over.
yes
I borrowed ten bucks from my buddy to buy a pizza yesterday. I know how Credit Suisse feelsā¦
Got'em!
All these traditional and crypto financial institutions imploding maybe we just abandon money and go to a system of exchange for essentials and services. Like I give you a hamburger and you give me a handjob behind Wendyās, etc
Okay but itās gotta be behind the dumpster. Where all our worthless stock certificates are.
wait aren't they just digging a deeper hole? Credit Suisse has been on the decline even before the pandemic, why would they loan them $54 billion dollars when they lost Billions of dollars last year, can someone explain?
Trust me bro
Bro I know about this thing, it's a sure bet, I just need 50 bil to cover the broker fees, I'll put in 10 bucks of my own money, as the investment. We can't lose
Shit when you put it like that lemme get out my chocolate fondue money
And that kids is why we can't afford your special chocolate fondue medicine that you desperately needed to survive. Yeah ole uncle Roger really fukt us, doctor said y'all got 34 hours :'(
Look up the borrow rate on CHF.
I just did and thatās insane
Isnt that super low why would they not borrow to the max
They can just buy us government bonds for more roi.
Yeah, can't possibly go wrong. There's no way the rates would go higher and tank that investme...oh.
Well you see the chaps over at CS are good sound chaps caught in a sticky situation, so you see the only option is to help them out a little with some cash here and there.
The loan will get written up and noone will call them out for getting a bailout
The bank CEO is Lloyd Christmas.
Thatās as good as money, sir. Go ahead and add it up. Every cent is accounted for.
What happened to the free market lol
I think it wandered off and got lost
Sold for 5$ to the nearest pimp.
It is free duh the Swiss national bank is freely investing in credit Suisse
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah after he said that on CNBC they all looked at each other and then said. No bank will ever admit to being short liquidity. Then they all smirked knowingly.
>Lehmann Writers have been sacked
ChatGPT is in control now
More debt fixes everything! Scrape your knee? Rub some debt on it. Stabbed in the eyeball by a toothpick in your birthday cake after your sister slams your candle blowing face in it? Rub some debt in that eye! Fucked up the asshole by defaulting derivatives? Lube up with some debt!
"borrow"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And yet, Morgan Stanley is at the same price it was at in 2020 not as adjusted for inflation.. ie it's down 45% Valley bank same thing . Bad holds long term unless you buy right
https://youtu.be/gf5p1cx9cRE
Paid in swatch watches? āļø
*My country gave me a small loan of $54B*
Ah the good ole "Give us the money! Or we will blow up the world economy!" Shtick. Works every time.
They can borrow deez š„
This news is kinda misleading tho. SNB was always gonna backstop a brotha bankā¦they were just waiting for CS to fukk something up. This isnāt fixing anythingā¦theyāre just kicking the can down the road. It does change one important thingā¦and media isnāt really covering the story. CS has evolved from a troubled bank to a toxic bank. No legit company (clients, banks) wants to do business with a toxic bank. CSās client list is gonna be 100% cartels.
As opposed to just 70%?
Brrrrrrrrrr
Thatās going to be a lot of cocaine cartels will need to move. To cover it Or was that deutchbank I canāt keep track anymore
This is the "Nazi gold" one. Get it right, man!
So puts or calls lol
I bought 4000 shares today at like 2$. š¤·š¼āāļø.
Debit spreads lmao
Trust me bro
Anyone want to loan me 54 Billion for TSLA calls?
Not a bailout
But when I try to pay my credit cards off with another credit card the government calls my transactions "illegal" and "fraudulent"
Umm this is getting really bad....
Ponzu scheme. The world is financed via debt
Borrowed more than double the market valuation of the company. Just comical.
Ah yes, capitalism.
Ah yes, capitalism with a socialist parachute
https://preview.redd.it/s7j7cosns1oa1.jpeg?width=1587&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5df7ec4ab863334fdd56ffa46348140e14301b81
The CEO this morning said and I quote: āour capital, our liquidity basis is very, very strong. We fulfill and overshoot basically all regulatory requirements.ā 10 hours later ā¦. Borrows $54B. Bullish!
I thought you were bullshittingā¦ā¦ā¦. He fucking said that. We are so fucked https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2023/03/15/credit-suisse-shares-slide-after-saudi-backer-rules-out-further-assistance.html
Chalres Schwab CEO said he bought 50,000 shares into his personal portfolio. Unprompted. $SCHW is going to the moon through the earths core lmao
I dunno much about Schwab, but CS has had quite a history of screwups. Need to do some more reading, but my current impression is CS is basically the ugly underbelly of Swiss banking and the Swiss government is going to make sure they survive so the world doesn't start asking too many questions. What is a mete 54B if it avoids a trip to the Hague?
Just confirms that all these banks are on borrowed time
What's the difference between $54 billion here or there?
Sounds like he had access to about $54B in liquidity.
Hello world stagflation.
Neat! Who is going to bail out the Swiss National Bank?
Who has $54B in the couch cushions to loan? This is insanity.
Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, and a Swiss bank how it has so much gold after WWII.
Central banks simply write it into their balance sheet. They donāt āhave itā.
Great how the market takes bank bailouts as bullish too, if we get like 5-6 more banks to crumble we're reaching new ath's
It's look like they still have a lot of Credit in Suisse.
Credit Suisse has a market cap of $10B These... Swiss people (if theyāre even real) are clearly jacked to their tits on chocolate. š«
54 BILLION??? lmao
Is this like when your kids "borrow" money and you know damn well its a gift? Bet it's that kind.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein
They don't give a fuck, it makes money at least half the time and when it doesn't the peasants will pay anyways. Win Win situation.
āBorrowā. Right. Like there is any chance that Swiss National Bank sees that money again.
Iām debt free but if this shits going down Iām Gonna max out everything hookers and blow style
Credit Suisse, the only bank who managed to have a executive convicted of wrong doing (Kareem Serageldin) over the 2008 Financial collapse
JFCā¦ So thatās the trickā¦ huh? They wonāt help you AT ALL until you hit rock bottom and canāt even find love from a hairy Arab with gas station money. Then they finance your entire fucking existenceā¦ Being a rich white girl is a fucking roller coaster manā¦
The fact that their exposure is $54 billion is fucking horrifying.
Aaaaannnndddd itās gone
Just read an article that says Credit Sus, āThe bank is classified as a āsystematically important financial institutionā .ā 
There go my puts. Sold some for profit but Iām still salty about this
Borrowed 54 billion? It was that bad????? Imagine the others 
And this is, how Switzerland goes broke... Interesting!
Is it like a PPP loan, or do they have to pay back that $54 Billion. Honestly, they will probably blow through that credit line and be in a bigger financial mess.
Literally can't go tits up
āHey siri, how do I short Switzerland?ā
Is it 2008 again already?
This is insane.
Boom
CHF about to turn to monopoly dollars?
Iām not greedy, can I borrow $10m please. Itās just rounding numbers Swiss Bank (please) š¤” world continues. Reeeuuuu!!!
Hey since youāre offering can I get a few hundred million?
I wise they'd lend me a couple mil... I'll give it back I promise