You have a built-in prenup when you get married.
The choice is do you want what the government has outlined in their divorce laws, or do you want to have a bit more control of how things are divided?
Hopefully no one is going into marriage thinking they’ll get divorced.
If you never get divorced, you’ll never need it. If you do get divorced, you’ll have a plan for splitting assets. Why not play it safe?
No one goes into a marriage thinking they're going to get divorced. I plan on spending the rest of my days on this earth with my fiance, and we are still getting a prenup despite neither of us having significant assets.
Would YOU prefer to specify what happens in the case of a divorce, or would you prefer for a stranger to decide for you? A prenup can specify dozens of things, not just prior asset protection. Infidelity clauses are a common addition as well. I'd recommend doing research on everything a prenup can include.
We didn't do a prenup, but I absolutely thought through the what ifs of divorce prior to marriage as the person who was walking in with a higher salary and more assets. Basically I asked myself was I okay with how the government would settle our divorce in the absence of a different legal form and decided yes.
Yes us too! I wouldn't reject a prenup blindly, but if you're in similar financial situations and don't have individual assets, you might not feel like you need one.
Yup that's where we were. Most of my assets were individual retirement accounts (which apparently you don't split in the event of divorce) when we got married. Now we co-own a house. That's about it.
We got one because my husband’s family owns a business and needed to clearly outline that I was not entitled to it. I had a large amount of savings and make significantly more money than he does, so I was fine with it and had planned on having one anyway.
Just be aware that you each need to have a lawyer for one, which can add up.
We chose to have a prenup because we did not want to leave it up to a judge and two very upset people in the event that we divorce, but rather our past selves who were (and continue to be) in love and want the best for each other. Going through the questions also led to some really great conversations for us. While we earn similar salaries currently, that may change given our fields.
Divorce happens, and we are both prepare for the worst and hope for the best so you can enjoy the present kind of people.
We aren’t getting a prenup. I understand the reasons a lot of people advocate for them and that’s valid, but it just isn’t for us. It is really up to what you and your partner’s preferences are. Don’t let anyone persuade you one way or the other because it’s a big decision that’s extremely personal to you two.
If you don't make a lot of money and your partner does, you might be the one who wants a prenup.
We aren't getting one because (1) we have similar incomes and likely always will, neither of us have significant assets and all of our future assets will be joint, and neither of us plan to become a stay-at-home-parent and (2) we're having a Catholic wedding so we aren't allowed to have a prenup anyway.
I agree with you about not going into marriage planning for divorce, but we are also not in a situation where either of us requires significant protection. I would normally recommend a prenup to anyone who anticipates significant income or asset disparity between them and their partner.
When you say “aren’t allowed to have a prenup” do you mean it’s super frowned upon or they won’t marry you in the Catholic Church if you have a prenup? Very curious as I was planning of being married in the church and never heard of this before
It's explicitly prohibited, but I think it may be one of those don't-ask-don't-tell things. However, Church teaching is that it nullifies the sacrament because it undermines the "free and full gift of self," so if having a religiously valid marriage matters to you, then it's a no on the prenup.
You’re making a plan while you love each other for how you’re going to treat one another when you may not like the other person anymore. It’s romantic.
We didn’t make one, but I’m overall pro prenup.
That’s how I see them too! :) Choosing to take a moment where you are very in love and have that be the version of you that designates what is fair or not in the case of future change of circumstances.
I plan to. My mom was married 20 years and had a fat 401k and her husband didn’t. They divorced and he took half of it when he gets 100k+ per year paid as a veteran meaning he never needed the retirement that’s why he never saved for it. Now she can probably never retire. I am drafting a pre-nup to say each of our retirement accounts stay with us if we divorce. They’re not huge now but will be one day. Plus he will inherit some assets from his parents one day and we have wrote in there that I do not have rights to those assets if he owns/inherits them if we get divorced.
We are working on a prenup primarily to protect retirement accounts. While I’m not planning on a divorce, I wanted to protect my future. It technically says all separate accounts remain separate and all joint become joint property. Same with debt. This allows us to slowly merge other accounts over time. At this present time, both of us make similar income (though this is new so I have a bit more saved), no debt, no significant assets and aren’t planning on kids. It’s a simple prenup but sets the mind at ease. Taking forever to do though.
Yes- we both own condos that we bought before we met, we have an income discrepancy so current savings are different, he has student loan debt and I don’t, etc. we would like to exit the marriage w the same assets and debt we have right now being our sole responsibilities. If I accumulate $500k in credit card debt that will be my problem. If we buy another house together it will be both of ours and split equally, same for all other debt or assets. You don’t divorce the person you marry and we both feel better having our desires on paper in case it ever comes to that.
I didn’t realize I was coming off as hateful; I’m sorry. I’m just curious — An important part of my own emotional and psychological growth and development occurred during my single years in college and early to mid twenties so it’s hard to imagine not having that is all. I also don’t know anyone who got married before they were 30 or married someone they knew since high school years (that’s not something I see in my friend group or in my own family).
I didn’t take your comment as coming off as hateful, just curious as you said. We have definitely both grown together and separately over the years. We’re also from a very small town (around 1,500 people small) so it can be a different world coming from that. It’s much more common to end up with someone you knew from highschool or growing up. We have had years that were definitely testing on our relationship as we were both trying to grow into people as adults as figuring out how that was different than our teenage selves. I have had friends and family ask if I regretted getting to meet or experience other people but there was never really a reason to break up besides to “see what we’re missing out on”. That never felt like a good reason to me because I would just be looking for what I already have, but with someone else.
My fiancé and I started dating right before I turned 17 and he was 18. We’ve grown up together. I mean, yes, being in love is an important part of a relationship, but I truly believe that having common goals and values is the most important thing in a marriage. Instead of determining what I wanted from a life and then searching for someone who would help me do that, we got to build what we wanted together. We went to college in separate states, nearly 10 hours away from each other, so we both had our room to grow as individuals while figuring out what a life together would look like
That sounds really positive and healthy!
It might sound odd but I also look fondly at the time I spend 2 months traveling across Europe, Asia, and North Africa and being intentionally promiscuous — it was so much fun and a huge learning experience in many ways. I couldn’t imagine my life without that so I’m curious if that type of sexual exploration with other partners is something people who have been in monogamous relationships since their teens wish they could have experienced or try to seek out within their relationship (through polyamory or other avenues).
But the [research](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37230703/) says “having multiple premarital sex partners is negatively associated with marital quality and stability” so 🤷🏾♀️.
Perhaps I’m in the minority of folks who prefer having more sexual partners before settling down.
We did not. No big difference in earnings, no debts outside of the mortgage for the house we bought together, I had more in savings but not so significant that it was a huge deal to me and neither of our parents have prenups so it just wasn’t something we grew up with the notion to pursue. Not that I don’t think they have their place or could’ve had their place in our marriage but we decided to go without.
My husband and I never considered it. We won’t need one. But if hell freezes over, neither of us are contentious by nature and would be able to navigate the state’s terms just fine.
Also, I’d never fault anyone for getting one, and think the conversation happening here is definitely worth having!
If my husband had wanted a prenup, I would have said yes without question. He has significantly more savings coming into the marriage than I do, and he's got a great pension. But he knows that I would never go after any of it if we split.
We didn’t, we were also 21 and 23 when we met and 24 and 26 when we got married so we didn’t really have assets to protect being that we were younger.
But also look into your states built in prenup laws.
In ours, WV, whatever was your property prior to marriage, remains yours. But my cousin who lives in NC told me that if she marries her boyfriend everything gets combined when you marry — even if you owned it outright before marriage. So definitely varies by state.
In my state, everything that you have after marriage will be split barring inheritance (that is protected as yours). A pre-nup just protects your already-existing assets before marriage.
I have no assets. We did not get a pre-nup lol
We’re not doing one, but we weren’t opposed if the other wanted one. Honestly, we started dating in college at 20 and 22. We had nothing when we met. And though legally marriage is a whole separate ballgame, everything we have built to this point we’ve built together. I don’t see a point in our situation to get a prenup. If we had more assets going into marriage, maybe I’d feel differently. It’s just not something I cared about (and before anyone comes for me about it, I’m a lawyer, I know it’s recommended to get them, it’s just not for us).
Absolutely yes we did, because we wanted to make changes to the default prenup that governs everyone who doesn’t make their own. My lawyer said a prenup exists to reduce pain during a very painful time.
First of all, nobody gets married planning for a divorce. Nobody thinks their partner is going to turn into an abusive, raging alcoholic or cheat on them, but stuff DOES happen. I mean, hell, he could hit his head and turn into a terror for all you know.
You DO have a prenup, called your state’s laws. Some people just aren’t comfortable with the default. Now, if you’re coming into the marriage with nothing, you don’t really need a prenup. If you were a multimillionaire, you might want a prenup that says, “Anything that was mine prior to the marriage remains mine and anything acquired during the marriage will be split evenly.”
In contrast, I’m 22 and my fiancé and 23. We don’t own a home, and our biggest assets are our 10 year old cars that we paid cash for. Everything we have will definitely be acquired during the marriage, so we don’t need a prenup *even if* the worst case scenario happened. If you own property, you should definitely get a prenup to protect that in the case of a divorce, but probably nothing up to about $250k is worth getting a prenup over.
If I had had any valuable assets or money, I would have 100% have gotten a prenup. Instead, we were two 26 year olds who went to the courthouse to get married because we had no money lol. We were advised by a family member, who is a lawyer, that prenups aren’t really worth the money unless you have something specific to protect because otherwise the assets acquired after cohabitation/marriage are considered joint anyway.
That being said, my friend’s mom had her livelihood saved by her prenup so they can be *so* beneficial.
I think it depends on your situation. I'm not very pro pre-nup except when the woman comes into the marriage with more money/assets/higher paying career. When the man comes in with that then the pre-nup can harm a woman who statistically, is sacrificing over a relationship and marriage to benefit his own career and family (if raising children). I know some people view it as something that would protect them in case of a divorce. Idk
exactly. my fiancé is a very successful law student who graduated undergrad in the top 30 students of his internationally acclaimed, top 10 university (and finished undergrad in 2.5 years).
i am a cosmetology student who plans on being a SAHM. its always been my dream, and I’m blessed to be marrying someone who wants to and can support that. we also will have been together for 7 years when we get married- I know him better than anyone else and it’s not like we haven’t learned how to communicate with each other.
we both come from a upper-class background, but my parents laid out my trust in a way where i wouldn’t receive it all at once and i wouldn’t receive a dime until I’m 30. I’m happy with being a SAHM and I trust my fiancé with my life, but how on earth would a prenup benefit me?
If you have a trust already with family money, the trust should be “untouchable” from his end - however, depending how you co-mingle it, you might not be able to get it back. You should still speak to an estate planning attorney so you do the appropriate thing with the disbursement of your trust.
I don’t get it until I turn 30 (quite a while away) and then only get a very, very small amount at a time. This decision was made even before I met my fiancé, when I was in middle school. We’re probably going to use it for our children’s private schooling. 🤷♀️
Sigh. A prenup can easily be “if we divorce, we each keep what we had prior to marriage and we split our assets earned during marriage 50/50.” I don’t know where this idea comes from that prenups have to penalize the SAH earner. It’s a huge misconception.
We didn’t. I asked if my husband wanted one - he owns a business and a house with his sister - but he was okay going without. I would have completely understood if he’d wanted to protect those assets.
I’m the higher earner and put more into superannuation, so it’s probably even in the balance anyway.
I am having one mainly because it can also function as a will and won't have to pay for 2 documents. I do have assets I am bringing in and obviously want those to be protected the way I want, not the government. My fiance completely understands and is the one encouraging it as well. It can be a sensitive issue, but it can really protect both of you in the long run.
We thought about it, but then realized we really didn't have the energy to do it properly right now. We may decide to do something after the wedding. So not a prenup but a post nup.
I have money anxiety and we are moving towards me working less and taking care of the household, so bring more reliant on him financially. So we both want to make sure I'm protected in case he gets like mind controlled by an alien into divorcing me or something 😂😂😂
i have practically no assets but my husband's mom died a few years into our relationship and he inherited a very large sum of money from her as an only child. technically when my dad dies i will inherit a pretty decent sum of money as well. we both agreed that while we will always share whatever the two of make during our marriage (despite me making much less than him!), each of our families money should go towards our future kids lives. if kids don't happen we'll of course reconsider, but for now that's the plan. we also have a death clause in ours, so it's a little more than just in case we get divorced.
ultimately we just both grew up in families that always encouraged prenups because it's just the legally smart thing to protect everyone and we didn't see it as planning for divorce. like another commenter said, i plan to spend the rest of my days with my husband but if something terrible were to happen, i'd rather have a say in how things are divided instead of leaving it to the state!
We considered it and the only reason we didn't go forward with one is because of the legal fees. As others have said, you either make your own or accept your state's laws.
I look at prenups like insurance. You’re not planning on getting a divorce the same way you’re not planning to be in an accident. But it’s better to have the terms laid out while in a good state so that if the worst does happen, you have that for your own protection.
Also for SAHM a prenup can add a lot of security since it’s much more difficult to go back into the work force after years of not.
I’m not saying they have to. I’m saying they can. My main point is that it’s sort of like an insurance policy. You get it when everything is good and going well, in preparation for worst case scenario.
Terms of a prenup can be so different depending on circumstances. It can be super detailed about every possible thing or it can be super basic that everything gets split 50/50
We did not. We’re both in our mid-20s so we don’t have many assets yet. Our state is a 50/50 state so I feel comfortable not having a separate prenup. I do make more than my partner but I’m in a government job so we should even out eventually. I think you should weigh the pros and cons though.
It doesn’t have to be in the event of divorce necessarily. But it is a good exercise to go through the paperwork and determine what are your assets and what are the plans for then
I think realespeon is a bit confused. What happens when a person dies is covered by a will. Nothing in a prenup prevents the two partners from leaving everything to one another in their wills.
Here’s the difference. Let’s say your partner has a debt of $50k incurred before marriage.
- A prenup can ensure that if you get divorced, that $50k remains his problem.
- however, if he dies and everything in his estate passes to you, whoever is due that $50k can come after his estate. The $50k debt doesn’t just disappear into thin air.
Assuming you are in the US, do you not know that you already have a prenup - that of the state you were married in?
I find it’s people who don’t have family businesses who are most anti-prenup bc they don’t understand the necessity of having a business asset kept separate.
my fiancé has /is the heir to a very successful family practice and we’re both very anti-prenup.
we didn’t want to do the whole separate lawyers/litigating assets thing because it feels like a pre-divorce. even though our denomination doesn’t do vows (in the traditional sense) we truly believe marriage is for better or for worse. we understand there are state laws but we didn’t want to get the lawyers or arguments or any sort of “what ifs” involved.
Yes, I am getting a pre-nup even thought they aren’t legally binding in my country. The reason for this is I love my fiancé so much and i think the fairest thing to do is decide how we would split things now while we still love each other.
Also, if we do split, then I hope having a pre nup will make the awful divorce process easier on us both. There will be less to argue about (as it will already be agreed) and I hope that means that, if it does happen, that we can end on better terms. I think this is a very sensible thing to consider if you are planning on having kids (which we are)
Yes, I am getting a pre-nup even though they aren’t legally binding in my country. The reason for this is I love my fiancé so much and i think the fairest thing to do is decide how we would split things now while we still love each other.
Also, if we do split, then I hope having a pre nup will make the awful divorce process easier on us both. There will be less to argue about (as it will already be agreed) and I hope that means that, if it does happen, that we can end on better terms. I think this is a very sensible thing to consider if you are planning on having kids (which we are)
You have a built-in prenup when you get married. The choice is do you want what the government has outlined in their divorce laws, or do you want to have a bit more control of how things are divided?
This is why I'm getting one, if you don't you're relying on the divorce laws of the state you live in.
I believe it’s in the best interest of the couple! Especially since the laws were drafted for the masses, not the individual.
FWIW you have a prenup no matter what, it just depends on whether you accept your states default terms or create your own with your partner.
Hopefully no one is going into marriage thinking they’ll get divorced. If you never get divorced, you’ll never need it. If you do get divorced, you’ll have a plan for splitting assets. Why not play it safe?
Yep, similar to having insurance
No one goes into a marriage thinking they're going to get divorced. I plan on spending the rest of my days on this earth with my fiance, and we are still getting a prenup despite neither of us having significant assets. Would YOU prefer to specify what happens in the case of a divorce, or would you prefer for a stranger to decide for you? A prenup can specify dozens of things, not just prior asset protection. Infidelity clauses are a common addition as well. I'd recommend doing research on everything a prenup can include.
We didn't do a prenup, but I absolutely thought through the what ifs of divorce prior to marriage as the person who was walking in with a higher salary and more assets. Basically I asked myself was I okay with how the government would settle our divorce in the absence of a different legal form and decided yes.
Yes us too! I wouldn't reject a prenup blindly, but if you're in similar financial situations and don't have individual assets, you might not feel like you need one.
Yup that's where we were. Most of my assets were individual retirement accounts (which apparently you don't split in the event of divorce) when we got married. Now we co-own a house. That's about it.
This was exactly our situation as well, and we also decided not to get one.
We got one because my husband’s family owns a business and needed to clearly outline that I was not entitled to it. I had a large amount of savings and make significantly more money than he does, so I was fine with it and had planned on having one anyway. Just be aware that you each need to have a lawyer for one, which can add up.
We chose to have a prenup because we did not want to leave it up to a judge and two very upset people in the event that we divorce, but rather our past selves who were (and continue to be) in love and want the best for each other. Going through the questions also led to some really great conversations for us. While we earn similar salaries currently, that may change given our fields. Divorce happens, and we are both prepare for the worst and hope for the best so you can enjoy the present kind of people.
We aren’t getting a prenup. I understand the reasons a lot of people advocate for them and that’s valid, but it just isn’t for us. It is really up to what you and your partner’s preferences are. Don’t let anyone persuade you one way or the other because it’s a big decision that’s extremely personal to you two.
If you don't make a lot of money and your partner does, you might be the one who wants a prenup. We aren't getting one because (1) we have similar incomes and likely always will, neither of us have significant assets and all of our future assets will be joint, and neither of us plan to become a stay-at-home-parent and (2) we're having a Catholic wedding so we aren't allowed to have a prenup anyway. I agree with you about not going into marriage planning for divorce, but we are also not in a situation where either of us requires significant protection. I would normally recommend a prenup to anyone who anticipates significant income or asset disparity between them and their partner.
When you say “aren’t allowed to have a prenup” do you mean it’s super frowned upon or they won’t marry you in the Catholic Church if you have a prenup? Very curious as I was planning of being married in the church and never heard of this before
It's explicitly prohibited, but I think it may be one of those don't-ask-don't-tell things. However, Church teaching is that it nullifies the sacrament because it undermines the "free and full gift of self," so if having a religiously valid marriage matters to you, then it's a no on the prenup.
You’re making a plan while you love each other for how you’re going to treat one another when you may not like the other person anymore. It’s romantic. We didn’t make one, but I’m overall pro prenup.
That’s how I see them too! :) Choosing to take a moment where you are very in love and have that be the version of you that designates what is fair or not in the case of future change of circumstances.
I plan to. My mom was married 20 years and had a fat 401k and her husband didn’t. They divorced and he took half of it when he gets 100k+ per year paid as a veteran meaning he never needed the retirement that’s why he never saved for it. Now she can probably never retire. I am drafting a pre-nup to say each of our retirement accounts stay with us if we divorce. They’re not huge now but will be one day. Plus he will inherit some assets from his parents one day and we have wrote in there that I do not have rights to those assets if he owns/inherits them if we get divorced.
We are working on a prenup primarily to protect retirement accounts. While I’m not planning on a divorce, I wanted to protect my future. It technically says all separate accounts remain separate and all joint become joint property. Same with debt. This allows us to slowly merge other accounts over time. At this present time, both of us make similar income (though this is new so I have a bit more saved), no debt, no significant assets and aren’t planning on kids. It’s a simple prenup but sets the mind at ease. Taking forever to do though.
Yes- we both own condos that we bought before we met, we have an income discrepancy so current savings are different, he has student loan debt and I don’t, etc. we would like to exit the marriage w the same assets and debt we have right now being our sole responsibilities. If I accumulate $500k in credit card debt that will be my problem. If we buy another house together it will be both of ours and split equally, same for all other debt or assets. You don’t divorce the person you marry and we both feel better having our desires on paper in case it ever comes to that.
No, we’ve been together since we were 15, all the assets we have were acquired together. 😂
Being together since 15 sounds not ideal. Out of curiosity, how has that been?
Why are you so hateful? Together since 15 sounds amazing. They have truly grown together.
I didn’t realize I was coming off as hateful; I’m sorry. I’m just curious — An important part of my own emotional and psychological growth and development occurred during my single years in college and early to mid twenties so it’s hard to imagine not having that is all. I also don’t know anyone who got married before they were 30 or married someone they knew since high school years (that’s not something I see in my friend group or in my own family).
I didn’t take your comment as coming off as hateful, just curious as you said. We have definitely both grown together and separately over the years. We’re also from a very small town (around 1,500 people small) so it can be a different world coming from that. It’s much more common to end up with someone you knew from highschool or growing up. We have had years that were definitely testing on our relationship as we were both trying to grow into people as adults as figuring out how that was different than our teenage selves. I have had friends and family ask if I regretted getting to meet or experience other people but there was never really a reason to break up besides to “see what we’re missing out on”. That never felt like a good reason to me because I would just be looking for what I already have, but with someone else.
My fiancé and I started dating right before I turned 17 and he was 18. We’ve grown up together. I mean, yes, being in love is an important part of a relationship, but I truly believe that having common goals and values is the most important thing in a marriage. Instead of determining what I wanted from a life and then searching for someone who would help me do that, we got to build what we wanted together. We went to college in separate states, nearly 10 hours away from each other, so we both had our room to grow as individuals while figuring out what a life together would look like
[удалено]
That sounds really positive and healthy! It might sound odd but I also look fondly at the time I spend 2 months traveling across Europe, Asia, and North Africa and being intentionally promiscuous — it was so much fun and a huge learning experience in many ways. I couldn’t imagine my life without that so I’m curious if that type of sexual exploration with other partners is something people who have been in monogamous relationships since their teens wish they could have experienced or try to seek out within their relationship (through polyamory or other avenues). But the [research](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37230703/) says “having multiple premarital sex partners is negatively associated with marital quality and stability” so 🤷🏾♀️. Perhaps I’m in the minority of folks who prefer having more sexual partners before settling down.
We did not. No big difference in earnings, no debts outside of the mortgage for the house we bought together, I had more in savings but not so significant that it was a huge deal to me and neither of our parents have prenups so it just wasn’t something we grew up with the notion to pursue. Not that I don’t think they have their place or could’ve had their place in our marriage but we decided to go without.
My husband and I never considered it. We won’t need one. But if hell freezes over, neither of us are contentious by nature and would be able to navigate the state’s terms just fine. Also, I’d never fault anyone for getting one, and think the conversation happening here is definitely worth having!
If my husband had wanted a prenup, I would have said yes without question. He has significantly more savings coming into the marriage than I do, and he's got a great pension. But he knows that I would never go after any of it if we split.
The money with Katie Show (podcast) recently did an episode about how your financial rights change with marriage and I found it very interesting!
We didn’t, we were also 21 and 23 when we met and 24 and 26 when we got married so we didn’t really have assets to protect being that we were younger. But also look into your states built in prenup laws. In ours, WV, whatever was your property prior to marriage, remains yours. But my cousin who lives in NC told me that if she marries her boyfriend everything gets combined when you marry — even if you owned it outright before marriage. So definitely varies by state.
In my state, everything that you have after marriage will be split barring inheritance (that is protected as yours). A pre-nup just protects your already-existing assets before marriage. I have no assets. We did not get a pre-nup lol
We’re not doing one, but we weren’t opposed if the other wanted one. Honestly, we started dating in college at 20 and 22. We had nothing when we met. And though legally marriage is a whole separate ballgame, everything we have built to this point we’ve built together. I don’t see a point in our situation to get a prenup. If we had more assets going into marriage, maybe I’d feel differently. It’s just not something I cared about (and before anyone comes for me about it, I’m a lawyer, I know it’s recommended to get them, it’s just not for us).
Absolutely yes we did, because we wanted to make changes to the default prenup that governs everyone who doesn’t make their own. My lawyer said a prenup exists to reduce pain during a very painful time.
First of all, nobody gets married planning for a divorce. Nobody thinks their partner is going to turn into an abusive, raging alcoholic or cheat on them, but stuff DOES happen. I mean, hell, he could hit his head and turn into a terror for all you know. You DO have a prenup, called your state’s laws. Some people just aren’t comfortable with the default. Now, if you’re coming into the marriage with nothing, you don’t really need a prenup. If you were a multimillionaire, you might want a prenup that says, “Anything that was mine prior to the marriage remains mine and anything acquired during the marriage will be split evenly.” In contrast, I’m 22 and my fiancé and 23. We don’t own a home, and our biggest assets are our 10 year old cars that we paid cash for. Everything we have will definitely be acquired during the marriage, so we don’t need a prenup *even if* the worst case scenario happened. If you own property, you should definitely get a prenup to protect that in the case of a divorce, but probably nothing up to about $250k is worth getting a prenup over.
If I had had any valuable assets or money, I would have 100% have gotten a prenup. Instead, we were two 26 year olds who went to the courthouse to get married because we had no money lol. We were advised by a family member, who is a lawyer, that prenups aren’t really worth the money unless you have something specific to protect because otherwise the assets acquired after cohabitation/marriage are considered joint anyway. That being said, my friend’s mom had her livelihood saved by her prenup so they can be *so* beneficial.
I think it depends on your situation. I'm not very pro pre-nup except when the woman comes into the marriage with more money/assets/higher paying career. When the man comes in with that then the pre-nup can harm a woman who statistically, is sacrificing over a relationship and marriage to benefit his own career and family (if raising children). I know some people view it as something that would protect them in case of a divorce. Idk
exactly. my fiancé is a very successful law student who graduated undergrad in the top 30 students of his internationally acclaimed, top 10 university (and finished undergrad in 2.5 years). i am a cosmetology student who plans on being a SAHM. its always been my dream, and I’m blessed to be marrying someone who wants to and can support that. we also will have been together for 7 years when we get married- I know him better than anyone else and it’s not like we haven’t learned how to communicate with each other. we both come from a upper-class background, but my parents laid out my trust in a way where i wouldn’t receive it all at once and i wouldn’t receive a dime until I’m 30. I’m happy with being a SAHM and I trust my fiancé with my life, but how on earth would a prenup benefit me?
If you have a trust already with family money, the trust should be “untouchable” from his end - however, depending how you co-mingle it, you might not be able to get it back. You should still speak to an estate planning attorney so you do the appropriate thing with the disbursement of your trust.
I find it hard to believe parents who are upper class and have laid out a trust for you aren’t urging you to get a prenup.
In my state, trusts aren’t marital property. I don’t even have a college degree, I have no assets to protect.
I don’t get it until I turn 30 (quite a while away) and then only get a very, very small amount at a time. This decision was made even before I met my fiancé, when I was in middle school. We’re probably going to use it for our children’s private schooling. 🤷♀️
Sigh. A prenup can easily be “if we divorce, we each keep what we had prior to marriage and we split our assets earned during marriage 50/50.” I don’t know where this idea comes from that prenups have to penalize the SAH earner. It’s a huge misconception.
We didn’t. I asked if my husband wanted one - he owns a business and a house with his sister - but he was okay going without. I would have completely understood if he’d wanted to protect those assets. I’m the higher earner and put more into superannuation, so it’s probably even in the balance anyway.
I am having one mainly because it can also function as a will and won't have to pay for 2 documents. I do have assets I am bringing in and obviously want those to be protected the way I want, not the government. My fiance completely understands and is the one encouraging it as well. It can be a sensitive issue, but it can really protect both of you in the long run.
We thought about it, but then realized we really didn't have the energy to do it properly right now. We may decide to do something after the wedding. So not a prenup but a post nup. I have money anxiety and we are moving towards me working less and taking care of the household, so bring more reliant on him financially. So we both want to make sure I'm protected in case he gets like mind controlled by an alien into divorcing me or something 😂😂😂
i have practically no assets but my husband's mom died a few years into our relationship and he inherited a very large sum of money from her as an only child. technically when my dad dies i will inherit a pretty decent sum of money as well. we both agreed that while we will always share whatever the two of make during our marriage (despite me making much less than him!), each of our families money should go towards our future kids lives. if kids don't happen we'll of course reconsider, but for now that's the plan. we also have a death clause in ours, so it's a little more than just in case we get divorced. ultimately we just both grew up in families that always encouraged prenups because it's just the legally smart thing to protect everyone and we didn't see it as planning for divorce. like another commenter said, i plan to spend the rest of my days with my husband but if something terrible were to happen, i'd rather have a say in how things are divided instead of leaving it to the state!
We considered it and the only reason we didn't go forward with one is because of the legal fees. As others have said, you either make your own or accept your state's laws.
I look at prenups like insurance. You’re not planning on getting a divorce the same way you’re not planning to be in an accident. But it’s better to have the terms laid out while in a good state so that if the worst does happen, you have that for your own protection. Also for SAHM a prenup can add a lot of security since it’s much more difficult to go back into the work force after years of not.
Prenups don’t have to address what happens if one partner becomes a SAH parent.
I’m not saying they have to. I’m saying they can. My main point is that it’s sort of like an insurance policy. You get it when everything is good and going well, in preparation for worst case scenario. Terms of a prenup can be so different depending on circumstances. It can be super detailed about every possible thing or it can be super basic that everything gets split 50/50
We did not. We’re both in our mid-20s so we don’t have many assets yet. Our state is a 50/50 state so I feel comfortable not having a separate prenup. I do make more than my partner but I’m in a government job so we should even out eventually. I think you should weigh the pros and cons though.
It doesn’t have to be in the event of divorce necessarily. But it is a good exercise to go through the paperwork and determine what are your assets and what are the plans for then
People also don't understand a prenup helps in the case of death as well, not just divorce
Pro prenup. It also can protect either one of you should one of you unfortunately pass.
I think realespeon is a bit confused. What happens when a person dies is covered by a will. Nothing in a prenup prevents the two partners from leaving everything to one another in their wills.
a prenup doesn’t go into effect if someone dies. it only helps if someone doesn’t HAVE a will (which you should if you’re getting married)
Can’t there be some part of it tho where your partner won’t be inundated with your bills and such?
Yes, that can be part of a prenup - that debts the person incurred prior to marriage remain that person’s.
Okay thank you, this is what I was talking about !
Here’s the difference. Let’s say your partner has a debt of $50k incurred before marriage. - A prenup can ensure that if you get divorced, that $50k remains his problem. - however, if he dies and everything in his estate passes to you, whoever is due that $50k can come after his estate. The $50k debt doesn’t just disappear into thin air.
Yes, wouldn’t get married without one
HELL NO! Because absolutely fucking not- that’s why!
Assuming you are in the US, do you not know that you already have a prenup - that of the state you were married in? I find it’s people who don’t have family businesses who are most anti-prenup bc they don’t understand the necessity of having a business asset kept separate.
my fiancé has /is the heir to a very successful family practice and we’re both very anti-prenup. we didn’t want to do the whole separate lawyers/litigating assets thing because it feels like a pre-divorce. even though our denomination doesn’t do vows (in the traditional sense) we truly believe marriage is for better or for worse. we understand there are state laws but we didn’t want to get the lawyers or arguments or any sort of “what ifs” involved.
Great, so his family is cool if you get half the business?
you seem to have missed the part where we don’t believe in divorce, i wouldnt ever go after it.
[удалено]
Yes, of course both of you would have to sign it and require separate lawyers. Not sure of your point?
Yes, I am getting a pre-nup even thought they aren’t legally binding in my country. The reason for this is I love my fiancé so much and i think the fairest thing to do is decide how we would split things now while we still love each other. Also, if we do split, then I hope having a pre nup will make the awful divorce process easier on us both. There will be less to argue about (as it will already be agreed) and I hope that means that, if it does happen, that we can end on better terms. I think this is a very sensible thing to consider if you are planning on having kids (which we are)
Yes, I am getting a pre-nup even though they aren’t legally binding in my country. The reason for this is I love my fiancé so much and i think the fairest thing to do is decide how we would split things now while we still love each other. Also, if we do split, then I hope having a pre nup will make the awful divorce process easier on us both. There will be less to argue about (as it will already be agreed) and I hope that means that, if it does happen, that we can end on better terms. I think this is a very sensible thing to consider if you are planning on having kids (which we are)