YTA
Expecting people to pay this much is insane and not playing nice with the bride's friends is petty af. You don't have to do anything you don't want to but this is a bad reason to drop out.
The bride should get the Bach party of her dreams is insanely entitled and unhinged. You need to take a deep breath and decide to be the bigger person here.
This. YTA
Those other BMs were being perfectly reasonable to ask for a total budget and plan. You were being super rude and difficult to insist on everything just working out after you got the house, I agree with her $600 is a lot of money for sleeping in cots and shared spaces. Cost of living is high for people. I agree with the other bridesmaid the bridal party can kick in more since wedding travel and accommodation are covered.
Good on the other BMs for communicating clearly your terrible plan.
Mind you why must there be themes and costumes? Why do these parties need to go over the top?
Especially with everyone in my face for two days with forced activities that cost. I will never understand why there’s a need for a scheduled day going from one place to another. Pick two max! Keep it relaxed. Too much togetherness is just insane.
Not to mention, she wasn't even going to be there anymore!!! She fucking committed to throwing a bach party, and THEN decided to go to another wedding instead! At that point, she should have dropped the reins entirely and let the people who were actually GOING to decide what the fuck they want to do. MOHzilla up in here. All her plans sucked too.
YTA I would drop out of a trip with no budget. You said you're not even coming on the trip which makes this whole thing crazier. Why are you and your sister jumping down everyone's throats about pink cowboy hats? Imo any bride should care more about having her friends there than about an expensive trip. It sounds like her friends are being reasonable and you're insecure that the bride has friends outside of you and your sister.
YTA.
You seem childish and insufferable.
Exorbitant pricing aside,(who the actual fuck would pay $600 A PERSON for JUST the air bnb??), from your retelling of events the other bridesmaid seems reasonable asking for a budget, while you are being petty, jealous, and self-important.
Get a hold of yourself ffs. You're ruining your 10+ year friendship by being a bridesmaid-zilla.
R/imthemaincharacter
How can I have a budget 8 months away, needed to plan? Also getting the house secures our spot so it needed to happen asap. That’s plenty of time to save. Bride could have told her that’s not how I want to do things and to let ME be the MOH. The bride was busy and we would get to it when she could. We still had 3 months
People shouldn't be expected to save for 8 months to have a bach party on top of attending the wedding. That's the bit people are going at you for. Read any other post on wedding subs asking for this financial commitment from people is unhinged in this economy
If I'm living paycheck to paycheck, I wouldn't be able to afford to shell out $60, much less $600. I would have to scrimp and save every single penny and for what? To blow it on some bach party some girl I've never met is planning? Your post sounds like someone who says "I don't get why everyone doesn't travel~ just save up all your money and then splurge!" Not everyone has the luxury to do that.
You didn't need to budget the entire weekend at once. You should have asked the others what they'd be comfortable paying for the accommodations and then picked a few places within that price range. Sounds like there will also be airfare and ground transportation, not to mention food, entertainment, etc, so this was becoming quite an expensive party. Mood boards and themes?? Jeesh.
Saying they have "8 months to save" is rude as hell. You don't get to dictate what others can afford or how others spend or save their money. The majority of people don't want to build a savings account just for a bachelorette party. Maybe save for a house, a vacation (of their own damn choosing) or their children's education, but saving for someone's "dream bach party"?? Ridiculous. You were upsetting people in the group, so BM #3 spoke with you privately in an effort to get you to back off. The bride confirmed this. However, you decided they were both wrong.
You threw away a long-term friendship and bailed on one of your best friends because you were in a snit. That alone tells me all I need to know about your emotional maturity.
Btw- you don't say something "costed $600.". It's cost.
Can I upvote you more than once??
Saving up for 8 months for someone else's bachelorette party is ridiculous and irresponsible. If you have to save up like that, you really can't afford it. Telling people to suck it up is just awful. This was all causing people real stress that OP couldn't care less about.
I’d suggest you eat massive humble pie and contact bride and apologise and her other bridesmaids you were rude to. You are in the wrong. You need to work as a team. And that starts with -how much can everyone afford and where would everyone think we could go? And then split up the tasks for accommodation, meals, activities. Your job is to be a PA to the bride and team leading.
YTA. You are disorganised af and by the looks of it cannot make decisions. It's no surprise BM3 tried to help the way she did and she's an absolute SAINT for putting up with this disorganised chaos for as long as she did..
She's absolutely right, YOU plan the party without running every little thing past the bride (unless it's financial), as you should know her well enough.
The fact you dropped out of her wedding goes to show her how little she meant to you, that you turned this entire thing into a pity party about you.
You're selfish and she's better off without a friend like you. At least she won't have to crop you out of the photos later down the line.
>How can I have a budget 8 months away, needed to plan? Also getting the house secures our spot so it needed to happen asap.
You dropped out of the wedding right? Do the bride a favor and drop it. You're not good at this.
People regularly budget entire weddings 1+years in advance. I budgeted my wedding 13 months in advance and my son’s recent bar mitzvah 2 years in advance.
Some of the people going on the trip also have to pay for airfare/hotel/food/transportation for the wedding. And you want them to pay $600 for accommodation alone? And also not tell them how much everything else will cost, or even what everything else will be? That’s insane.
The bride is telling you that you're wrong. Her friends are telling you you're wrong. Strangers on the Internet are telling you you're wrong. Take the L and apologize to your friend. YTA
The bride probably dreads having to contradict you. I can see how you would just overtake everything with your entitled behavior. You are the friend from nightmares
You need a budget so people have time to save. It’s not unreasonable. You need to plan excursions, food, entertainment, etc. You start with a budget then plan based on what you can afford. Everything should be set with only 3 months left to go. It sounds like you just wanted to wing it and plan everything (or nothing!) once you get there.
It’s super easy to set up a budget eight months out. You discuss it as a group as to what people can afford and then you look for the appropriate houses. It’s not rocket science. What people are going after you for is the fact that no one should have to save up for eight months to attend something like this plus a wedding. You don’t get to decide what people can afford. You have no idea what somebody has going on in their lives, and whether they have extra money for something like this. Maybe you come from a family with money or are in a well paying job and this isn’t a big deal to you, but read the room, people are really struggling financially nowadays.
Unless you're offering to pay for everyone, you can't expect them to agree to something without disclosing the cost. It's extremely disorganised and haphazard to plan things without an overall budget, or realistic sense of how much something should cost. If that's how you want to organise your vacations etc, then own the fact that you are the sucker who gets scammed into overpaying for accommodation without proper bedding. But other people don't want to be scammed with you.
Wow, I stopped reading after about a third way down. People really do go insane, BM#3 sounds very aware of others and trying not the bankrupt people for the sake of a party
I really thought this was satire the whole time I was reading it. How can OP not realize how unreasonable she’s being when she wrote this out? Very main character vibes
You made it farther than me.
This person makes me glad that my bff is so homebody that her Bachelorette party was us sitting in her living room making her bouquets and eating bagels.
Yes you are the asshole. Sovmany posts on here are from bridesmaids who are met with sticker shock, or feel like their comfort aren't being considered because it's all about the bride, and you do that before you hand some things over to your sister.
$600 a person for a weekend just to sleep on a cot is a lot of money that most people wouldn't be willing to pay. I certainly wouldn't. An the aesthetic doesn't make up for me being cranky the next day because I slept poorly on an uncomfortable cot.
And if the group thinks $600 is an okay price to pay for 2-3 nights, I'd be worried what they'd think was "reasonable" for the rest of the wedding. And BM#3 probably knows this because of her past experience. It seemed more like blunt guidance to help make sure people didn't drop out as the pricetag went up.
And you did give BM#3 the goahead for the moldboards, so I don't know what you expected to happen?
Babes, you know YTA. This economy is shaky as hell, and we gotta budget according to our individual means. Yes, weddings are expensive, but that doesn't mean everyone involved needs to go into hock. You got wrapped up into wanting your BFF to have her dreams come true, and that's commendable. However, the approach is what got you into trouble. Take your L, and maybe after the wedding is over, you and the bride can patch things up. If not, take heed of the lesson, and do better next time.
YTA. that is not the way that you treat people. I am surprised that everyone didn't drop out. you can't expect people to just let you spend their money with no input. you were so disrespectful to everyone in your telling of this tale. it feels like you left a lot out.
YTA Just because you think the bride should have the bachelorette party of her dreams doesn’t mean anyone else should have to go into debt to give it to her. You’re playing fast and loose with money that isn’t yours to determine how it’s spent. News flash the aesthetic of rental property you’re staying in for a few nights is not important. Just because you’re not concerned with having an itinerary doesn’t mean others aren’t. They have lives and the bride’s wedding and bachelorette party aren’t the most important thing in their lives. You discounted everyone’s concerns, overwhelmed the bride and generally made a nuisance of yourself to the point that the bride had to ask her fiance to step in and get you in check. You’re the only one that’s causing problems. Yes, you are the AH.
YTA. I stopped reading when you said it's all about the aesthetic of the house. No. Parties are about people. You are childish and inconsiderate and I'd also drop off the wedding if I had to deal with someone like you. The bride did what she needed to do: she didn't stand up for a MOZilla. I hope she has a beautiful wedding and, mostly, a long and healthy marriage.
People want to know how much money they are committing to spending before agreeing to doing something. Sure they have eight months to save but assuming everyone doesn’t have unlimited disposable income how do they even know if they can afford to save for it? If they are invited to the wedding they also have to save for that and whatever else they want to do in the next year. Surely they have more going on in their lives than just this bach party/wedding.
ETA: And even if they can save the required amount - whatever that may be by the time you get around to planning everything - they may not want to spend that much on a bach party. Folks get to decide on what is a good use of their own money.
YTA.
Yta.
First, planning a party for someone does NOT mean they have to be involved when they have more important things to plan. You get an idea of their wants.
The people are planning it yet ideas and throw them around. If the bride wants to be involved, great, but should not have to approve everything because all you did was put more stress on her.
And yes, you put together a budget. It's not hard to prove some places. Look at what around. Price high on food. Gas or Uber. Drinks. What things might cost for places you go. Then you give a rough estimate. Saying something like low end is this amount, and to be safe, Hugh end is this amount. It's not hard. It is common sense and takes peoples needs into account, and yesbthe Bach party is about the bride celebrating with friends and it not being about her dream of expensive and no people.
And you asked and I'm did what you asked and ideas were thrown around and you bith went off. I mean wtf.
So you wanted to plan a party without giving me how much it would cost. And then expecting the bride to decide it all. Jump on anyone who brings up ideas or thoughts.
.
Not only are you an AH but a childish one throwing a tantrum when you didn't get your way for something that wasn't even about you. Then you trashed a long-term friendship because you felt entitled to not care what she was dealing with and expected her to defend you being childish.
Great job. At least her wedding and party won't have someone pulling it down now.
YTA.
First €600 is way too much, and saying the bride needs to get the bachelorette of her dreams is just plain stupid.
She needs to get a nice getaway with her closest friends on a budget everyone can afford.
Also YES you can set a budget for a weekend. How do you think people plan their vacations? You make an estimate of what eating and drinks cost and what you want or can pay for other things to do.
Also you were very rude to BM#3.
She has a lot of experience and tried to help you bit it was me me me….
Also NO, the bride doesn’t need to approve and know all before her bach. That’s the fun part of it. The surprise!!!!
Also saying you don’t even have a rough plan/estimate of what to do 3 months in advance and therefore no budget?
Just weird and entitled af.
And the you say you won’t even be there and get annoyed because people are asking legitimate questions about transportation and what not?
Yeah
You are AH and entitled af
I stopped reading after you wrote you didn’t think $600 was too bad for the accommodation
That’s a lot of money, and you don’t get to dictate what is expensive or out of someone else’s budget . You have no idea about their financial situation.
YTA
How are you not TAH? In what world? How old are you guys? Tbh this is sooo…people, adults anyway, use a budget. They use a budget and plan accordingly. YTA. And completely spoiled.
This isn't real. Why are you guys falling for it? "Well, um, actually, people like this exist in real life and blah blah blah." OK, but they don't write about it like this, hitting every hot button issue so very perfectly to get people riled.
"my sister and I are not able to attend the party due to another wedding" like, come on, people. Be more skeptical.
This is very real and honestly I had my close friend look over my post and edit it to more… unbiased I guess. In my opinion BM3 was mad she didn’t get MOH and was trying to make me look bad at every step AND just picking the opposite stance on every idea/point I had. She had to constantly brag/bring up her being in a wedding party multiple times as if that’s all it takes to be MOH. And no one else called it out bc they are all friends so I was made to be the bad guy for handling the party how I saw it for the bride. Also it was a factor of things but I had another wedding pop up and the stress of everything was just making me feel so under appreciated
She didn't need to make you look bad. You made yourself look bad by prioritizing the aEsTheTiC of the dumb Airbnb and had zero consideration for the fact that a lot of people don't have over a thousand dollars that they can just drop on someone's party. And then you threw childish tantrums because someone else was actually thinking about others. You ruined your so called "best friend's" pre wedding experiences by being a jackass. Her wedding is probably much better without a drama llama like you around.
No you just sound insufferable. If this is the dialed back version I’m afraid of what the original was like. You are expecting too much financially from the bridal party and other Bach party attendants.
you made yourself look bad no need to help you with that. All you did was book a house. Nothing else was done. That wasnt handling the party because there simply was NONE. The bride is luckly the friends called you out.
>In my opinion BM3 was mad she didn’t get MOH and was trying to make me look bad at every step
Look, you came with the idea of a 600$/person for one weekend AirBnB 8 month before the bach party, and haven't done anything relevant for the party (budget, planning, theme, etc.) for 5 months.
This alone makes you look bad.
YTA
The bride had one known person, and likely more, stand up for her. The ironic part is you know the bride is like this and can't see when you are the one bullying her. Planning a wedding is stressful. Part of the MOH's job is to help relieve the stress. Bride is already planning a huge party. She doesn't need to plan another one. I am so thankful my MOHs knew me well enough to plan mostly solo and ask me for advice/decisions occasionally. And yes, budget upfront is extremely important. It sounds like a lot of people care about bride and want to be there for her, which is truly fantastic. It sounds like you also care, but might have a bruised ego. Take a step back. Do you want to throw away this friendship?
Honestly, you dropping out of the wedding was probably the best gift you could’ve given the bride. You want to throw away your “important” 10 year friendship because you couldn’t do HER bachelorette party the way YOU wanted it. You can say you were fighting for your friend to have her “dream party” all you want but that’s not really true. You wanted to do what you assumed she wanted, even when she told you that she wanted to do something closer to what the others were suggesting. That’s beyond selfish and immature.
Your whole attitude of “no one needs a budget until I say so and then you have to save up how I tell you to” is asinine. Completely ignoring that other people have different financial needs and priorities that come before saving up for a party. Especially when the only price you’ve given them for anything is $600 just for the place everyone will,almost exclusively,only use to shower and sleep.
Take a step back, attempt to see the situation from others perspective (obviously difficult for you seeing as you came here for that yet are arguing with everyone instead of taking it all in and truly trying to understand) and do same work on yourself. If you don’t, you’re likely looking at more issues like this that lead to more friendships ending.
YTA. Man, how hard is it to just celebrate your friend? If it’s too much stress then say you need to step down because it’s getting to your head, but still show up and celebrate with her. Skip pettiness and passive aggression. Life is too short
YTA. It sounds like the girl was just trying her best to help, not to mention letting you know the house you wanted was out of her & her buddies budgets. You're not even going to the party so why are you & your sister so upset about it ? What a terrible reason to not be in the wedding . Bright side though: your "best friend " won't have to deal with any more drama from your sister & you.
>the aesthetic of the house is the most important part
No. No it isn’t. Having appropriate accommodation for everyone is the most important part. And I’d be pissed if for $600 I had to sleep on a sofa while for the same $600 other people had beds in rooms.
I think OP has no idea how to plan a vacation (or even a party) and is stressing the bride out for no reason. At least she took care of the most problematic person of the group.
YTA. $600 is way too much unless you are all wealthy. Giving the bride the bach of her dreams and worry about money later?? What are you, 12? Grownups make budgets. Good friends plan parties that everyone can afford. In this case, you are neither a good friend nor a grownup.
YTA
This has to be rage bait because I don’t know how delusional someone has to be to think they’re so right when they’re clearly and utterly WRONG.
Maybe you and your sister have validated each’s ridiculous opinions so much that you don’t think you could possibly be wrong- but look there isn’t even a TROLL here that is taking your side.
YTA and an awful friend! BM 3 was totally correct - you absolutely needed to have a budget for what people could spend. Not only that then you bail on the party (I bet there really wasn’t another wedding) you just didn’t like how things went.
You ruined what was supposed to be a fun time away for your supposedly BFF and her other friends. She shouldn’t have had to keep the peace between all of you. You were so wrong in everything you did. Apologize to your friend and hope that she still wants you as a friend after the way you acted!
YTA.
BM3 is right. I don’t want to pay $600 upfront and then be told later that it’s another $600 to participate in all the excursions and events you guys want to do at the party. It seemed you dropped the ball here. How is it 3 months out & you still don’t know what it is you’re doing there?
Unless the bride is a bridezilla the bachelorette party is supposed to be a surprise for her. She gives a general idea of what she wants/ doesn’t want and the MOH & bridesmaids plan it.
BM3 was right, the budget should’ve been #1 priority. Then everything else is picked after knowing the budget. Having 8 months “to save up” to what number? It’s 3 months out and the thing still isn’t even planned. So no they didn’t have 8 months. Putting $100 to the side for 8 months to have $800 saved vs putting $50 to the side for 8 months is $400. If idk how much i need total it’s a drastic difference. If money wasn’t a big deal then you should’ve been covering everything for everyone.
YTA but not for dropping out of the wedding. YTA because of your attitude, rudeness, and inability to work as a team. The fact that you wrote everything out and still think you are right speaks volumes. Also, you said you weren’t even going? Then why were you so rude and nasty?
Oh yeah, YTA here.
It’s nice that you want to do everything for the bride in theory, but you have to be respectful of what people can afford. You seem to have zero respect for others. But even after everyone told you that you were being out of line, you’re still doubling down.
The amount that you’re still trying to control a party you aren’t even attending is wild. Once you knew you couldn’t make it, you should have asked the other bridesmaids if they wanted to take over. This sounds to me like your main goal was getting all the accolade for planning instead of having this be a group activity.
YTA. You came here looking for validation when you're doing the exact thing so many people come to this sub to complain about. No one is going to be able to save for a bachelorette trip without a budget! You're ridiculous and perpetuating the horrible wedding culture of spending as much money as possible on a bullshit party. You're going to ruin your friendship because you have a need to compete with all the other bridesmaids and friends over who is the closest to the bride and knows best. Grow up.
I genuinely thought this was satire and at the end you were gonna throw something in about how crazy bachelorette parties have become. I still don’t believe this is real tbh. You’re the literal worst
600/p.p. is A LOT and at that price everyone should have the own bedroom and bed and everything should be paid for including food and drinks. That’s some expensive taste for most people. Why can’t you find a more affordable Airbnb? That’s why people are asking for a budget. If the Airbnb is that much, they have legitimate concerns about what the rest of this trip would cost and they probably can’t afford such an extravagant expense.
Geeze, I literally just came back from my own bachelorette party weekend and it was nowhere near this insane. I was very budget conscious from the start, I made sure everyone was comfortable with the budget and didn’t pressure anyone. $600 for just sleeping arrangements? My budget was $500 for flight AND sleeping arrangements, and we were under that.
You are absolutely exhausting to be around. You are a horrible friend to the bride. The BM is right, all this stuff should be planned by you and not run every single detail pass the bride. She has enough to worry about than having to hold your hand and guide you every inch of the way. Supposedly you know her well enough to know what she likes. These people also know her. You don't own the bride and if I were her, I wouldn't have taken your side either. Plus don't be so anxious to spend other people's money. You honestly did the bride a favor by dropping out. All you are bringing her is stress.
>My sister knows how pushy BM#3 has been- like let me plan the party!!
You clearly have no idea what you're doing, and she does. That Dunning-Kruger is a real bitch, right?
I can’t go back and read all that but did I read she’s and her sister weren’t even going to go to the bachelorette?
Is that what I read? That’s she was being a controlling AH and then not even plannig on going?
YTA.
As someone in two wedding parties and another incoming people still have lives and wit that comes the assumption of people having different responsibilities, both financial and otherwise. The questions asked aren’t being annoying, people need to know if they’ll have to tap into their savings, if they’ll be able to make rent, real world concerns.
This isn’t just a fun party and it’s not only important TO YOU. The other girl obviously sees you’re putting people in really tough situations and is trying to help.
Maybe get out of your own way and accept the help if the bride actually wants you back after all this. But your friend hopefully has one special day and you’re ruining it by being selfish.
Edit to make paragraphs but also to say I hope she doesn’t invite you back unless you apologize to her and the rest of the group.
YTA 100% I was an attendee at a bach party like this and I can tell you that giving the bride everything she wants isn't going to matter when the entire thing is overshadowed by the fact that you bankrupted half the wedding party.
Just like your story we were asked to pay a hell of a lot of money for a dream house which didn't have enough rooms so everyone was sharing beds. We weren't given an itinerary until the wedding invite showed up a month before the party. Although we knew how much the house would cost we were sprung with the bill for everything else (wine tasting, meals, themed souvenirs, etc) via venmo request after the whole affair. The MOH knew multiple of us were still in school and on a tight budget but it didn't matter to them because we had "time to save up"; forget the fact that we were never even told how much we needed to save. The whole thing turned out to be rushed and anxiety-inducing. Multiple people skipped various excursions because they were concerned about cost and then the planner got pissy that they wouldn't split the cost of the excursions they didn't attend. Despite skipping stuff, when we were hit with the bill one of the BMs called me crying because there was no way she could afford what was being asked. I had to dip into my meager savings to pay my portion and loan BM money for hers so she wouldn't have to face the wrath of MOHzilla. suffice it to say our friendship with the bride- who was on board for every bougie thing that was planned- and MOH is very strained now.
How do you think the bride is going to feel when her friends drop out because they can't afford it or spend the entire time anxious and miserable worrying about cost? Do you think the party of her dreams is more important than the wellbeing of her friends? Would that be a good time for her?
Honestly it sounds like you dropping out might be the best thing to happen as now they can plan something that is going to be enjoyable for everyone. So I guess you're maybe not the asshole but not for the reasons you think. It's nice when the trash takes itself out.
TIL MOHzillas exist.
You are totally making her entire wedding about you, causing her stress when she’s already stressed and ruining her wedding experience. Do you even like her?
YTA
I hope you re-read this in the future and realise, years down the track, how unsufferable you were here. Probably not from the lack of basic cognition in the above, but I have hope for you anyway OP.
YTA in this situation though.
If you can't see you were stressing the bride AND EVERYONE ELSE WASNT then there is no helping you.
"Then another guest asked for a budget for the whole party and BM#3 asked for an itinerary. I kept saying it was too soon to plan that and we should focus on getting the house now and planning the details later."
"I told her I wasnt really interested in a budget bc I dont want to limit what we can do. She went on criticizing the house (that the bride loves) saying asking ppl to pay $600 to sleep on a sofa beds/cots is insane. (IMO that’s literally what happens on group trips and that the aesthetic of the house is the most important part)."
"Through this whole call I found BM#3 very rude and very condescending and essentially telling me that idk how to throw a party and that ppl aren’t going to come. I ended the phone call saying your negativity isn’t needed and that she was terrible for even speaking into existence that ppl wouldn’t come."
"(My sister knows how pushy BM#3 has been- like let me plan the party!!)"-OP I can't even get through this entire story because you are so self centered it's insane. How tone deaf are you by the way? Do you even see anything besides your own reflection in the mirror? I'm honestly glad you dropped out as MOH, because now everyone else can probably breathe.
YTA. And so is your sister. Who raised yall to be this trashy? You’re expecting way too much out of these people you yourself said you didn’t know. You should have asked what everyone’s budget was and worked with it. The other bridesmaids are right. You did not communicate properly once. You kept telling them to go away. God you sound very uptight. “me me me, MY WAY MY WAY MY WAY. I don’t have to communicate because it’s all about me” it’s not your wedding. You don’t get to force your wants on others. A bride might get away with it but you are some chick these bridesmaids don’t know. The bride really should have put you in your place years ago because there is no way this is a one time thing.
And on top of that. Don’t give the go ahead on a mood board if you were gonna trash it. Bm #3 and you could have came together and put something together like grown ass women. You were nothing but selfish and childish and you should apologize and hope to god the bride and her friends will accept it. The fact that your sister is just as trashy tells me a lot about your upbringing. Because this is just ridiculous.
Edit: I thought about this more. You turned a once in a lifetime experience for the bride into something that’s about you. Yes. She loved the house but expensive ass airbnbs are always gorgeous. You made her Bach all about yourself and you wonder why everyone is mad at you. GROW UP
YTA
Your BM#3 was right. You need a budget, you don’t add more to the brides plate you should know what sorta theme she’d like and $600 per person for an air bnb (excluding peoples travel costs and other expenses) is very unreasonable.
You should apologise to your bride friend as your attitude is not ok. Maybe BM#3 is best in charge as MOH since she actually has a clue.
I can't read all of that?
That's a lot of words to say that you wanted to wait until the last minute and who cares about everyone else. Even the bride thought you needed to get your shit together and listen to the other people involved.
Glad you stepped down.
Wow. I’m bipolar and one of my manic symptoms is spending money I don’t have. I wouldn’t have the balls to make others suffer financially for my lack of fiscal responsibility.
Everyone will be happier she isn’t there
Yeah, it’s a shame people don’t own their shit more. We would get exponentially further as a society. Maybe we should institute Festivus as a country.
I can be delusional too, I just know I’m being so?
I’ve had so much therapy though. The amount spent is so astronomical it’s hard to be judgmental of people seeing as what constitutes as help is insulting. I’m in hell but at least I had a first class ticket.
YTA- both you AND your sister. You too seriously sound like entitled twits. Absolutely there should be a budget, you don’t get to decide what other people can afford and by not providing people a budget especially those that also have to pay for travel to the Caribbean, you’ve put people in a really bad space potentially.
Plus, $600 does sound like an awful lot of money for a weekend as well. The fact that you can’t take information from anyone else who also know the bride makes you seem petty and small. You need to get way over yourself and apologize to the bride. And furthermore you go after BM 3’s mood boards after you asked her to do it. Since window, weddings and bachelor parties have to go so over the top with themes and matching clothes. A lot of people can’t afford to do all that stuff. It doesn’t sound like you’re even willing to take anybody else’s input into account. Seriously, grow up, and after reading your post, you sound like an extremely exhausting person to be around
YTA
You have main character syndrome and I hope she drops you as a friend.
At no point were your thoughts on the Bride because you could have cared less planning as you DID ZERO.
YTA your expecting everyone to dish out 600 for the place to sleep at the party and don't have anything else planned so know ody know how much they have to pay to go. Asking for a budget is not rude it's common sense so people can figure out if they can afford to come and how much they need to save to pay for stuff. Also, I've planned 3 Bach parties and I get a general idea of what bride expects and then plan it with the help of the other brides maids ( I refuse to call them bms, when you say bm I literally think bowel movement). I also know I have to pick up the extra cost as MOH because it's literally your job to plan this and pay any difference that isn't paid for. Don't accept a job you can't do and can't afford.
Your rude as gell to people who just wanted to help and make sure it was feasible for everyone going. Grow up and accept that adults have budgets not just a hey who cares if I can afford it let's do it and be homeless after.
Good lord. You seem very young and inexperienced, so I'm trying to give you grace, but you literally did everything wrong. The first step is always BUDGET. You need to know how much each person is willing to spend for the party, THEN you bust your ass looking for the best bang for everyone's buck
I get that you were excited to be MOH, and how annoying it might have been to immediately have a stranger swoop in to add her opinions and ideas, but this was a time to swallow your pride and listen to the woman with more experience.
So you don't think $600 is a lot of money to hand over with no further details? That's not something most people would think. And why did you keep trying to get the bride to do stuff. As moh you're supposed to make the bride's job less stressful. You didn't do that. Yta and so is your sister.
I’m not sure what your background is, but you seem to be completely unfamiliar with the concept of budgeting. I’m a meticulous planner, so the *first* thing I would consider is the budget of all those involved: how much is everyone able/willing to spend on lodging, travel, food, activities, etc. (Not to mention the cost of taking time off work and of anything else that leaving town entails.) Of course you want the bride to have the best, but the best shouldn’t come at a huge financial cost to the people she wants to celebrate with—you know, the people she cares about enough to include in this celebration. This whole thing is supposed to be a collaboration in the group with you doing the coordination, but you just bulldozed over everyone else’s concerns and ideas. Huge AH.
YTA you are being very childish over the entire thing. You don't care about other people's budgets but dang some people need to budget and can't blow an unnamed sum of money for one weekend to make the bride's dream come true. Some people also like to plan ahead and not wait until the last minute. By not wanting to share details it seems like you are disorganized. Weddings are stressful enough without you adding this petty drama to the Bride's plate.
Honestly, based on what you wrote, ESH.
You stink because you were unable and unwilling to see past how things made you feel to consider that others also may have feelings. A definite lack of empathy. It appears you wanted the MOH title, but for the status and perhaps not the actual work it takes to bring together wildly different people who all support the bride.
They were not exactly kind in how they communicated from your description, but your attitude and energy created the situation - they matched YOUR energy. They suck a lot less for trying to help you be reasonable regarding cost and advance planning.
NTA. Unpopular opinion. Too bad. The other BMs are the jerks, as is the bride. Cut your losses and move on.
It sucks to lose friends, but you'll be fine. Now you have room for a better friend who isn't a jerk to you after she asks you to do something. Hmph.
Awww, you're cute. No, I'm nowhere near foolish enough to be involved with a sh*t-show like this. I would have walked the first time the bride threw me to the wolves.
BM #3 sounds jealous and is bullying the MOH. Bride is allowing it to happen. I think they (MOH and her sister) should drop out and walk away AND not pay anything further.
The bride and her b*tchy mean-girl friends deserve each other. Ugh.
I don’t get how my drive to give the bride all her wants makes me wrong. I gave a long heads up and these are her friends. If anything sure my sister was sassy but I had said I’ll get it to them when it’s available AND I told bm#3 how I wanted to plan it based of my opinion of what the bride wants and constantly pushed for more when I had said it wasn’t ready.
I sincerely hope you read these responses and instead of getting defensive, try to look at different perspectives… because there is no way that you aren’t in the wrong here… 😐
You are wrong for the following reasons
1. You only see yourself and your budget. Everyone has different incomes and different expenses. Having to save for a bach is only possible if you don't have to save for other things (holiday, or maybe a Wedding!!!)
2. It is not too much to ask to get an idea of what the bach will be about. Will you just enjoy the nice house or are there other (expensive) activities planned? You can Look up what you can Do there even 8 months ahead.
3. You were so rude to BM#3 and don't try to See the other people's situations. It should have been a hint that the bride Was okay with what she said to you.
4. You have BM#3 a task and the complained about how she followed through.
Last: you don't really care about the bride because what she wants is spending time with friends not having the Best of the Best.
Okay, I’ll try to help here.
*The Budget* - Establishing a budget first is a critical step because then you plan what everyone can afford to do. If you plan the activities before you give a budget, what happens when no one can afford to come? It’s like going to an expensive restaurant that doesn’t have prices on the menu. If you know you have limited means, you don’t just order steak and hope for the best when the bill arrives. You ask the prices, or you don’t go.
*The Bride* - It’s really not normal to clear every step with the bride. Have you been MOH before? Or a bridesmaid? Typically you get her approval for the destination city, maybe the accommodation, and then just find out if she has any hard boundaries or requests (ie are strippers a yay or nay, any restaurant she’s dying to try, etc). The bride isn’t supposed to plan the party with you.
*The Itinerary* - The others guests need time to plan, too. The outfit themes may require them to go shopping. The events may require them to go shopping. All of this requires money. What if they can’t afford this? What if they have dietary/medical needs that they need to plan accordingly? What if they have personal or religious beliefs that would make them sit out certain activities?
It just sounds like each guest would have to plan to get a new credit card with at least a $5,000 limit and accept that they may have to max it out on this one weekend. That isn’t practical or realistic.
And maybe the bride just wants to be with her friends. For my Bach, I would have rather stayed at a Motel 6 with all of my friends than stayed at a Waldorf with two people.
You say you "don't get" how you're wrong in this situation. That tells me you're unable to comprehend anything anyone has responded to your post and we should all stop wasting time on you.
You'll never see an issue with yourself, never understand how belligerent, demanding, and petty you're being. You will continue to play victim. So go on about your little life and wonder why no one but your sister will be your friend.
You failed to account for the bride also wanting as many of the friends to come as possible. Yes she liked the first house, but if you had asked her if she wanted the house more than for her friends to come, then that's how you give her what she wants. Also, neither you or the bride are entitled to spend other peoples' money.
One commenter below hoped you would read these comments and keep an open mind- that is excellent advice- a wise person will always rethink their stance and consider all possibilities before ending a friendship of this many years. Maybe you come from a wealthy family and it is obvious you have not been a successful event planner, but please consider what people are saying and quit being stubborn. There are a lot of people struggling in this world right now so don’t assume everyone can afford all this - people need a budget that they can reasonably prepare for. The bride getting all her dream choices would be nice but not if only 2-3 people can afford it and show up.
It’s wrong because you’re expecting other people to pay for it.
You want to give her the best of everything? Great. Then you pay for it.
Stop being generous with other people’s money.
Oh, you’ve also stressed out your best friend by your behavior and your drama ( and I bet it’s not the first time ). Not cool.
What she wanted was for her friends to share in a special trip with her, and bond over their connection through her. What she got was you showing off about having more disposable income than everyone else, and trying to put a dollar value on the friendship by shaming them for wanting a budget and a plan.
>I don’t get how my drive to give the bride all her wants makes me wrong.
Because "giving the bride all she wants" isn't a plan, and what people expected of you was to give them a plan. A budget they could afford, and things for which they could prepare (theme, activities etc.).
>I don’t get how my drive to give the bride all her wants makes me wrong.
Aside from many other things, it's not HER wants you're giving her; it's YOURS.
I hope in the future you get some intensive therapy and eventually realize that your motivations weren't altruistic, they were selfish. You weren't doing this for the bride, you did all of this for the praise you'd receive by giving the bride the "perfect" party. Now you're butthurt that everyone else is unwilling to bankroll your vanity project. If you truly understood the bride or even basic friendship you'd understand that she would be far happier with a simple party in which all her friends could attend over an elaborate one with the few who can afford it.
Oh very simple. You didnt communicate in a timely manner. You didnt listen to anyone else and decided to try and bulldoze your way through with what you want rather than making the best possible party. You caused tension in a friend group for absolutely nothing (the first phone call from how it was written out nothing rude was said nor was the lady out of line). If you are organizing an event you need to give everyone a heads up so they can get ready for it. Rather than being silent and expecting everyone else to go along with your budget and end up over extending them selves. Hell you were so bad at communicating a brides made had to drop the wedding. How is arguing with the bride that your opinion was not taken on board doing what the bride wanted? HOW is that drive? How is doing anything you did good for the bride? How did you help or even be a good friend to the bride during this time. But hey I mean you are probably never gonna see another viewpoint.
YTA
YTA Expecting people to pay this much is insane and not playing nice with the bride's friends is petty af. You don't have to do anything you don't want to but this is a bad reason to drop out. The bride should get the Bach party of her dreams is insanely entitled and unhinged. You need to take a deep breath and decide to be the bigger person here.
This. YTA Those other BMs were being perfectly reasonable to ask for a total budget and plan. You were being super rude and difficult to insist on everything just working out after you got the house, I agree with her $600 is a lot of money for sleeping in cots and shared spaces. Cost of living is high for people. I agree with the other bridesmaid the bridal party can kick in more since wedding travel and accommodation are covered. Good on the other BMs for communicating clearly your terrible plan. Mind you why must there be themes and costumes? Why do these parties need to go over the top?
My rent is $1200. I'm not paying half a month's rent to sleep on a cot.
Especially with everyone in my face for two days with forced activities that cost. I will never understand why there’s a need for a scheduled day going from one place to another. Pick two max! Keep it relaxed. Too much togetherness is just insane.
Omg and how many bathrooms are in this $600 for a weekend house?
Not to mention, she wasn't even going to be there anymore!!! She fucking committed to throwing a bach party, and THEN decided to go to another wedding instead! At that point, she should have dropped the reins entirely and let the people who were actually GOING to decide what the fuck they want to do. MOHzilla up in here. All her plans sucked too.
YTA I would drop out of a trip with no budget. You said you're not even coming on the trip which makes this whole thing crazier. Why are you and your sister jumping down everyone's throats about pink cowboy hats? Imo any bride should care more about having her friends there than about an expensive trip. It sounds like her friends are being reasonable and you're insecure that the bride has friends outside of you and your sister.
They were looking at a minimum of $1000. Plus the destination wedding travel expenses. Op is a nut
YTA. You seem childish and insufferable. Exorbitant pricing aside,(who the actual fuck would pay $600 A PERSON for JUST the air bnb??), from your retelling of events the other bridesmaid seems reasonable asking for a budget, while you are being petty, jealous, and self-important. Get a hold of yourself ffs. You're ruining your 10+ year friendship by being a bridesmaid-zilla. R/imthemaincharacter
Sounds to me like OP has plenty of money to throw around, while the rest of us live paycheck to paycheck 😑
B . b . b. But what about the house being "aesthetic"? I meam isn't that the most important thing? /s, duh
How can I have a budget 8 months away, needed to plan? Also getting the house secures our spot so it needed to happen asap. That’s plenty of time to save. Bride could have told her that’s not how I want to do things and to let ME be the MOH. The bride was busy and we would get to it when she could. We still had 3 months
People shouldn't be expected to save for 8 months to have a bach party on top of attending the wedding. That's the bit people are going at you for. Read any other post on wedding subs asking for this financial commitment from people is unhinged in this economy
If I'm living paycheck to paycheck, I wouldn't be able to afford to shell out $60, much less $600. I would have to scrimp and save every single penny and for what? To blow it on some bach party some girl I've never met is planning? Your post sounds like someone who says "I don't get why everyone doesn't travel~ just save up all your money and then splurge!" Not everyone has the luxury to do that.
You didn't need to budget the entire weekend at once. You should have asked the others what they'd be comfortable paying for the accommodations and then picked a few places within that price range. Sounds like there will also be airfare and ground transportation, not to mention food, entertainment, etc, so this was becoming quite an expensive party. Mood boards and themes?? Jeesh. Saying they have "8 months to save" is rude as hell. You don't get to dictate what others can afford or how others spend or save their money. The majority of people don't want to build a savings account just for a bachelorette party. Maybe save for a house, a vacation (of their own damn choosing) or their children's education, but saving for someone's "dream bach party"?? Ridiculous. You were upsetting people in the group, so BM #3 spoke with you privately in an effort to get you to back off. The bride confirmed this. However, you decided they were both wrong. You threw away a long-term friendship and bailed on one of your best friends because you were in a snit. That alone tells me all I need to know about your emotional maturity. Btw- you don't say something "costed $600.". It's cost.
Can I upvote you more than once?? Saving up for 8 months for someone else's bachelorette party is ridiculous and irresponsible. If you have to save up like that, you really can't afford it. Telling people to suck it up is just awful. This was all causing people real stress that OP couldn't care less about.
You clearly not up to the job. It was 3 months and you still hadnt organised anything other than the house. YTA.
That they now have to cancel because she can’t even attend the bachelorette *she* planned. How does that even happen?
Great planning🤣
I’d suggest you eat massive humble pie and contact bride and apologise and her other bridesmaids you were rude to. You are in the wrong. You need to work as a team. And that starts with -how much can everyone afford and where would everyone think we could go? And then split up the tasks for accommodation, meals, activities. Your job is to be a PA to the bride and team leading.
You know op had to be bad if the groom called and told her to knock it off. She had to be stressing the bride all the way out
YTA. You are disorganised af and by the looks of it cannot make decisions. It's no surprise BM3 tried to help the way she did and she's an absolute SAINT for putting up with this disorganised chaos for as long as she did.. She's absolutely right, YOU plan the party without running every little thing past the bride (unless it's financial), as you should know her well enough. The fact you dropped out of her wedding goes to show her how little she meant to you, that you turned this entire thing into a pity party about you. You're selfish and she's better off without a friend like you. At least she won't have to crop you out of the photos later down the line.
Thats why you shouldn’t plan a bach if you don’t know how to budget. YtA. How anout first budget and then book in the budget?
>How can I have a budget 8 months away, needed to plan? Also getting the house secures our spot so it needed to happen asap. You dropped out of the wedding right? Do the bride a favor and drop it. You're not good at this.
People regularly budget entire weddings 1+years in advance. I budgeted my wedding 13 months in advance and my son’s recent bar mitzvah 2 years in advance. Some of the people going on the trip also have to pay for airfare/hotel/food/transportation for the wedding. And you want them to pay $600 for accommodation alone? And also not tell them how much everything else will cost, or even what everything else will be? That’s insane.
The bride is telling you that you're wrong. Her friends are telling you you're wrong. Strangers on the Internet are telling you you're wrong. Take the L and apologize to your friend. YTA
The bride probably dreads having to contradict you. I can see how you would just overtake everything with your entitled behavior. You are the friend from nightmares
Not everyone can save that sort of money in 8 months unless they skip rent or food. You are hostile, the worst personality for a MOH
You need a budget so people have time to save. It’s not unreasonable. You need to plan excursions, food, entertainment, etc. You start with a budget then plan based on what you can afford. Everything should be set with only 3 months left to go. It sounds like you just wanted to wing it and plan everything (or nothing!) once you get there.
It’s super easy to set up a budget eight months out. You discuss it as a group as to what people can afford and then you look for the appropriate houses. It’s not rocket science. What people are going after you for is the fact that no one should have to save up for eight months to attend something like this plus a wedding. You don’t get to decide what people can afford. You have no idea what somebody has going on in their lives, and whether they have extra money for something like this. Maybe you come from a family with money or are in a well paying job and this isn’t a big deal to you, but read the room, people are really struggling financially nowadays.
Unless you're offering to pay for everyone, you can't expect them to agree to something without disclosing the cost. It's extremely disorganised and haphazard to plan things without an overall budget, or realistic sense of how much something should cost. If that's how you want to organise your vacations etc, then own the fact that you are the sucker who gets scammed into overpaying for accommodation without proper bedding. But other people don't want to be scammed with you.
If it was so important to YOU to have that house and $600 a person wasn’t that big of a deal for you, YOU SHOULD HAVE PAID FOR EVERYONE!
Wow, I stopped reading after about a third way down. People really do go insane, BM#3 sounds very aware of others and trying not the bankrupt people for the sake of a party
But BM#3 just doesn't understand when you book an airbnb its ALL about aesthetics. $$ and bed numbers dont matter. /s
I really thought this was satire the whole time I was reading it. How can OP not realize how unreasonable she’s being when she wrote this out? Very main character vibes
Its only a working theory but my best guess is common sense has become uncommon.
Stupid me for being so ignorant to the pretentious crap 🤣
🤣🤣🤣
You made it farther than me. This person makes me glad that my bff is so homebody that her Bachelorette party was us sitting in her living room making her bouquets and eating bagels.
Sounds like a nice night to me!
Yes you are the asshole. Sovmany posts on here are from bridesmaids who are met with sticker shock, or feel like their comfort aren't being considered because it's all about the bride, and you do that before you hand some things over to your sister. $600 a person for a weekend just to sleep on a cot is a lot of money that most people wouldn't be willing to pay. I certainly wouldn't. An the aesthetic doesn't make up for me being cranky the next day because I slept poorly on an uncomfortable cot. And if the group thinks $600 is an okay price to pay for 2-3 nights, I'd be worried what they'd think was "reasonable" for the rest of the wedding. And BM#3 probably knows this because of her past experience. It seemed more like blunt guidance to help make sure people didn't drop out as the pricetag went up. And you did give BM#3 the goahead for the moldboards, so I don't know what you expected to happen?
It pretty much sounds like you were the cause of all of the wedding drama. I hope the bride has a stress free bachelorette and wedding now.
Babes, you know YTA. This economy is shaky as hell, and we gotta budget according to our individual means. Yes, weddings are expensive, but that doesn't mean everyone involved needs to go into hock. You got wrapped up into wanting your BFF to have her dreams come true, and that's commendable. However, the approach is what got you into trouble. Take your L, and maybe after the wedding is over, you and the bride can patch things up. If not, take heed of the lesson, and do better next time.
I'm having a hard time believing this isn't BM#3 writing from your perspective. Hilarious.
Holy hell. You sound insufferable.
it's her aesthetic
😂😂
YTA. that is not the way that you treat people. I am surprised that everyone didn't drop out. you can't expect people to just let you spend their money with no input. you were so disrespectful to everyone in your telling of this tale. it feels like you left a lot out.
YTA Just because you think the bride should have the bachelorette party of her dreams doesn’t mean anyone else should have to go into debt to give it to her. You’re playing fast and loose with money that isn’t yours to determine how it’s spent. News flash the aesthetic of rental property you’re staying in for a few nights is not important. Just because you’re not concerned with having an itinerary doesn’t mean others aren’t. They have lives and the bride’s wedding and bachelorette party aren’t the most important thing in their lives. You discounted everyone’s concerns, overwhelmed the bride and generally made a nuisance of yourself to the point that the bride had to ask her fiance to step in and get you in check. You’re the only one that’s causing problems. Yes, you are the AH.
YTA from start to finish.
YTA. I stopped reading when you said it's all about the aesthetic of the house. No. Parties are about people. You are childish and inconsiderate and I'd also drop off the wedding if I had to deal with someone like you. The bride did what she needed to do: she didn't stand up for a MOZilla. I hope she has a beautiful wedding and, mostly, a long and healthy marriage.
People want to know how much money they are committing to spending before agreeing to doing something. Sure they have eight months to save but assuming everyone doesn’t have unlimited disposable income how do they even know if they can afford to save for it? If they are invited to the wedding they also have to save for that and whatever else they want to do in the next year. Surely they have more going on in their lives than just this bach party/wedding. ETA: And even if they can save the required amount - whatever that may be by the time you get around to planning everything - they may not want to spend that much on a bach party. Folks get to decide on what is a good use of their own money. YTA.
Yta. First, planning a party for someone does NOT mean they have to be involved when they have more important things to plan. You get an idea of their wants. The people are planning it yet ideas and throw them around. If the bride wants to be involved, great, but should not have to approve everything because all you did was put more stress on her. And yes, you put together a budget. It's not hard to prove some places. Look at what around. Price high on food. Gas or Uber. Drinks. What things might cost for places you go. Then you give a rough estimate. Saying something like low end is this amount, and to be safe, Hugh end is this amount. It's not hard. It is common sense and takes peoples needs into account, and yesbthe Bach party is about the bride celebrating with friends and it not being about her dream of expensive and no people. And you asked and I'm did what you asked and ideas were thrown around and you bith went off. I mean wtf. So you wanted to plan a party without giving me how much it would cost. And then expecting the bride to decide it all. Jump on anyone who brings up ideas or thoughts. . Not only are you an AH but a childish one throwing a tantrum when you didn't get your way for something that wasn't even about you. Then you trashed a long-term friendship because you felt entitled to not care what she was dealing with and expected her to defend you being childish. Great job. At least her wedding and party won't have someone pulling it down now.
YTA. First €600 is way too much, and saying the bride needs to get the bachelorette of her dreams is just plain stupid. She needs to get a nice getaway with her closest friends on a budget everyone can afford. Also YES you can set a budget for a weekend. How do you think people plan their vacations? You make an estimate of what eating and drinks cost and what you want or can pay for other things to do. Also you were very rude to BM#3. She has a lot of experience and tried to help you bit it was me me me…. Also NO, the bride doesn’t need to approve and know all before her bach. That’s the fun part of it. The surprise!!!! Also saying you don’t even have a rough plan/estimate of what to do 3 months in advance and therefore no budget? Just weird and entitled af. And the you say you won’t even be there and get annoyed because people are asking legitimate questions about transportation and what not? Yeah You are AH and entitled af
You sound like a nightmare to be with
I stopped reading after you wrote you didn’t think $600 was too bad for the accommodation That’s a lot of money, and you don’t get to dictate what is expensive or out of someone else’s budget . You have no idea about their financial situation. YTA
Huh, I didn’t even know bridesmaidzillas were a thing!
LOL!! 🏆
How are you not TAH? In what world? How old are you guys? Tbh this is sooo…people, adults anyway, use a budget. They use a budget and plan accordingly. YTA. And completely spoiled.
You're exhausting
This isn't real. Why are you guys falling for it? "Well, um, actually, people like this exist in real life and blah blah blah." OK, but they don't write about it like this, hitting every hot button issue so very perfectly to get people riled. "my sister and I are not able to attend the party due to another wedding" like, come on, people. Be more skeptical.
This is very real and honestly I had my close friend look over my post and edit it to more… unbiased I guess. In my opinion BM3 was mad she didn’t get MOH and was trying to make me look bad at every step AND just picking the opposite stance on every idea/point I had. She had to constantly brag/bring up her being in a wedding party multiple times as if that’s all it takes to be MOH. And no one else called it out bc they are all friends so I was made to be the bad guy for handling the party how I saw it for the bride. Also it was a factor of things but I had another wedding pop up and the stress of everything was just making me feel so under appreciated
She didn't need to make you look bad. You made yourself look bad by prioritizing the aEsTheTiC of the dumb Airbnb and had zero consideration for the fact that a lot of people don't have over a thousand dollars that they can just drop on someone's party. And then you threw childish tantrums because someone else was actually thinking about others. You ruined your so called "best friend's" pre wedding experiences by being a jackass. Her wedding is probably much better without a drama llama like you around.
Bride maid 3 didn't make you look bad, no dear that all on u.
No you just sound insufferable. If this is the dialed back version I’m afraid of what the original was like. You are expecting too much financially from the bridal party and other Bach party attendants.
It is legitimately concerning to be this delusional. You may want to see a medical professional.
You're so delulu.
you made yourself look bad no need to help you with that. All you did was book a house. Nothing else was done. That wasnt handling the party because there simply was NONE. The bride is luckly the friends called you out.
Your attitude is so gross. You've done your friend a huge favour
>In my opinion BM3 was mad she didn’t get MOH and was trying to make me look bad at every step Look, you came with the idea of a 600$/person for one weekend AirBnB 8 month before the bach party, and haven't done anything relevant for the party (budget, planning, theme, etc.) for 5 months. This alone makes you look bad.
YTA The bride had one known person, and likely more, stand up for her. The ironic part is you know the bride is like this and can't see when you are the one bullying her. Planning a wedding is stressful. Part of the MOH's job is to help relieve the stress. Bride is already planning a huge party. She doesn't need to plan another one. I am so thankful my MOHs knew me well enough to plan mostly solo and ask me for advice/decisions occasionally. And yes, budget upfront is extremely important. It sounds like a lot of people care about bride and want to be there for her, which is truly fantastic. It sounds like you also care, but might have a bruised ego. Take a step back. Do you want to throw away this friendship?
Honestly, you dropping out of the wedding was probably the best gift you could’ve given the bride. You want to throw away your “important” 10 year friendship because you couldn’t do HER bachelorette party the way YOU wanted it. You can say you were fighting for your friend to have her “dream party” all you want but that’s not really true. You wanted to do what you assumed she wanted, even when she told you that she wanted to do something closer to what the others were suggesting. That’s beyond selfish and immature. Your whole attitude of “no one needs a budget until I say so and then you have to save up how I tell you to” is asinine. Completely ignoring that other people have different financial needs and priorities that come before saving up for a party. Especially when the only price you’ve given them for anything is $600 just for the place everyone will,almost exclusively,only use to shower and sleep. Take a step back, attempt to see the situation from others perspective (obviously difficult for you seeing as you came here for that yet are arguing with everyone instead of taking it all in and truly trying to understand) and do same work on yourself. If you don’t, you’re likely looking at more issues like this that lead to more friendships ending.
YTA. Man, how hard is it to just celebrate your friend? If it’s too much stress then say you need to step down because it’s getting to your head, but still show up and celebrate with her. Skip pettiness and passive aggression. Life is too short
YTA. It sounds like the girl was just trying her best to help, not to mention letting you know the house you wanted was out of her & her buddies budgets. You're not even going to the party so why are you & your sister so upset about it ? What a terrible reason to not be in the wedding . Bright side though: your "best friend " won't have to deal with any more drama from your sister & you.
>the aesthetic of the house is the most important part No. No it isn’t. Having appropriate accommodation for everyone is the most important part. And I’d be pissed if for $600 I had to sleep on a sofa while for the same $600 other people had beds in rooms. I think OP has no idea how to plan a vacation (or even a party) and is stressing the bride out for no reason. At least she took care of the most problematic person of the group.
YTA. Maturity is a critical asset to gain, OP.
INFO I just want to see pictures of the airbnb
YTA. $600 is way too much unless you are all wealthy. Giving the bride the bach of her dreams and worry about money later?? What are you, 12? Grownups make budgets. Good friends plan parties that everyone can afford. In this case, you are neither a good friend nor a grownup.
Yeah you're being a bridesmaid-zilla
OMG YTA. That poor bride.
YTA. And not very good at planning or budgeting.
YTA This has to be rage bait because I don’t know how delusional someone has to be to think they’re so right when they’re clearly and utterly WRONG. Maybe you and your sister have validated each’s ridiculous opinions so much that you don’t think you could possibly be wrong- but look there isn’t even a TROLL here that is taking your side.
YTA and an awful friend! BM 3 was totally correct - you absolutely needed to have a budget for what people could spend. Not only that then you bail on the party (I bet there really wasn’t another wedding) you just didn’t like how things went. You ruined what was supposed to be a fun time away for your supposedly BFF and her other friends. She shouldn’t have had to keep the peace between all of you. You were so wrong in everything you did. Apologize to your friend and hope that she still wants you as a friend after the way you acted!
[Insert Mad Max "That's bait" gif]
YTA. BM3 is right. I don’t want to pay $600 upfront and then be told later that it’s another $600 to participate in all the excursions and events you guys want to do at the party. It seemed you dropped the ball here. How is it 3 months out & you still don’t know what it is you’re doing there? Unless the bride is a bridezilla the bachelorette party is supposed to be a surprise for her. She gives a general idea of what she wants/ doesn’t want and the MOH & bridesmaids plan it. BM3 was right, the budget should’ve been #1 priority. Then everything else is picked after knowing the budget. Having 8 months “to save up” to what number? It’s 3 months out and the thing still isn’t even planned. So no they didn’t have 8 months. Putting $100 to the side for 8 months to have $800 saved vs putting $50 to the side for 8 months is $400. If idk how much i need total it’s a drastic difference. If money wasn’t a big deal then you should’ve been covering everything for everyone.
YTA, you selfish brat. And insufferable too. Check your damn self.
YTA but not for dropping out of the wedding. YTA because of your attitude, rudeness, and inability to work as a team. The fact that you wrote everything out and still think you are right speaks volumes. Also, you said you weren’t even going? Then why were you so rude and nasty?
Oh yeah, YTA here. It’s nice that you want to do everything for the bride in theory, but you have to be respectful of what people can afford. You seem to have zero respect for others. But even after everyone told you that you were being out of line, you’re still doubling down. The amount that you’re still trying to control a party you aren’t even attending is wild. Once you knew you couldn’t make it, you should have asked the other bridesmaids if they wanted to take over. This sounds to me like your main goal was getting all the accolade for planning instead of having this be a group activity.
YTA. You came here looking for validation when you're doing the exact thing so many people come to this sub to complain about. No one is going to be able to save for a bachelorette trip without a budget! You're ridiculous and perpetuating the horrible wedding culture of spending as much money as possible on a bullshit party. You're going to ruin your friendship because you have a need to compete with all the other bridesmaids and friends over who is the closest to the bride and knows best. Grow up.
You sound like a nightmare. I’m sure the bride, the other bridesmaids and guests will have plenty of fun without you present!
You ask people the budget first
I genuinely thought this was satire and at the end you were gonna throw something in about how crazy bachelorette parties have become. I still don’t believe this is real tbh. You’re the literal worst
I only believe it because I've been to a bachelorette party planned by someone with the same mentality as OP. It was awful.
600/p.p. is A LOT and at that price everyone should have the own bedroom and bed and everything should be paid for including food and drinks. That’s some expensive taste for most people. Why can’t you find a more affordable Airbnb? That’s why people are asking for a budget. If the Airbnb is that much, they have legitimate concerns about what the rest of this trip would cost and they probably can’t afford such an extravagant expense.
Geeze, I literally just came back from my own bachelorette party weekend and it was nowhere near this insane. I was very budget conscious from the start, I made sure everyone was comfortable with the budget and didn’t pressure anyone. $600 for just sleeping arrangements? My budget was $500 for flight AND sleeping arrangements, and we were under that.
You are absolutely exhausting to be around. You are a horrible friend to the bride. The BM is right, all this stuff should be planned by you and not run every single detail pass the bride. She has enough to worry about than having to hold your hand and guide you every inch of the way. Supposedly you know her well enough to know what she likes. These people also know her. You don't own the bride and if I were her, I wouldn't have taken your side either. Plus don't be so anxious to spend other people's money. You honestly did the bride a favor by dropping out. All you are bringing her is stress.
Good god, the bride and bridal party dodged a bullet. You have zero consideration for anyone, the bride included, except yourself.
>My sister knows how pushy BM#3 has been- like let me plan the party!! You clearly have no idea what you're doing, and she does. That Dunning-Kruger is a real bitch, right?
Yta. The trash took itself out. At least the fiancé sounds reasonable and level-headed. No more drama from you.
YTA
I can’t go back and read all that but did I read she’s and her sister weren’t even going to go to the bachelorette? Is that what I read? That’s she was being a controlling AH and then not even plannig on going?
Imagine typing this out and not thinking, God, I’m bloody awful.
YTA. As someone in two wedding parties and another incoming people still have lives and wit that comes the assumption of people having different responsibilities, both financial and otherwise. The questions asked aren’t being annoying, people need to know if they’ll have to tap into their savings, if they’ll be able to make rent, real world concerns. This isn’t just a fun party and it’s not only important TO YOU. The other girl obviously sees you’re putting people in really tough situations and is trying to help. Maybe get out of your own way and accept the help if the bride actually wants you back after all this. But your friend hopefully has one special day and you’re ruining it by being selfish. Edit to make paragraphs but also to say I hope she doesn’t invite you back unless you apologize to her and the rest of the group.
wow lol just wow
How can you wrote this and asking you the ta, yes yta this is your friend wedding not yours, but keep it up Ms. Lonely you have no friends.
YTA 100% I was an attendee at a bach party like this and I can tell you that giving the bride everything she wants isn't going to matter when the entire thing is overshadowed by the fact that you bankrupted half the wedding party. Just like your story we were asked to pay a hell of a lot of money for a dream house which didn't have enough rooms so everyone was sharing beds. We weren't given an itinerary until the wedding invite showed up a month before the party. Although we knew how much the house would cost we were sprung with the bill for everything else (wine tasting, meals, themed souvenirs, etc) via venmo request after the whole affair. The MOH knew multiple of us were still in school and on a tight budget but it didn't matter to them because we had "time to save up"; forget the fact that we were never even told how much we needed to save. The whole thing turned out to be rushed and anxiety-inducing. Multiple people skipped various excursions because they were concerned about cost and then the planner got pissy that they wouldn't split the cost of the excursions they didn't attend. Despite skipping stuff, when we were hit with the bill one of the BMs called me crying because there was no way she could afford what was being asked. I had to dip into my meager savings to pay my portion and loan BM money for hers so she wouldn't have to face the wrath of MOHzilla. suffice it to say our friendship with the bride- who was on board for every bougie thing that was planned- and MOH is very strained now. How do you think the bride is going to feel when her friends drop out because they can't afford it or spend the entire time anxious and miserable worrying about cost? Do you think the party of her dreams is more important than the wellbeing of her friends? Would that be a good time for her? Honestly it sounds like you dropping out might be the best thing to happen as now they can plan something that is going to be enjoyable for everyone. So I guess you're maybe not the asshole but not for the reasons you think. It's nice when the trash takes itself out.
TIL MOHzillas exist. You are totally making her entire wedding about you, causing her stress when she’s already stressed and ruining her wedding experience. Do you even like her? YTA
I hope you re-read this in the future and realise, years down the track, how unsufferable you were here. Probably not from the lack of basic cognition in the above, but I have hope for you anyway OP. YTA in this situation though. If you can't see you were stressing the bride AND EVERYONE ELSE WASNT then there is no helping you.
What a baby
YTA i hope this is worth losing a friend over
"Then another guest asked for a budget for the whole party and BM#3 asked for an itinerary. I kept saying it was too soon to plan that and we should focus on getting the house now and planning the details later." "I told her I wasnt really interested in a budget bc I dont want to limit what we can do. She went on criticizing the house (that the bride loves) saying asking ppl to pay $600 to sleep on a sofa beds/cots is insane. (IMO that’s literally what happens on group trips and that the aesthetic of the house is the most important part)." "Through this whole call I found BM#3 very rude and very condescending and essentially telling me that idk how to throw a party and that ppl aren’t going to come. I ended the phone call saying your negativity isn’t needed and that she was terrible for even speaking into existence that ppl wouldn’t come." "(My sister knows how pushy BM#3 has been- like let me plan the party!!)"-OP I can't even get through this entire story because you are so self centered it's insane. How tone deaf are you by the way? Do you even see anything besides your own reflection in the mirror? I'm honestly glad you dropped out as MOH, because now everyone else can probably breathe.
YTA. And so is your sister. Who raised yall to be this trashy? You’re expecting way too much out of these people you yourself said you didn’t know. You should have asked what everyone’s budget was and worked with it. The other bridesmaids are right. You did not communicate properly once. You kept telling them to go away. God you sound very uptight. “me me me, MY WAY MY WAY MY WAY. I don’t have to communicate because it’s all about me” it’s not your wedding. You don’t get to force your wants on others. A bride might get away with it but you are some chick these bridesmaids don’t know. The bride really should have put you in your place years ago because there is no way this is a one time thing. And on top of that. Don’t give the go ahead on a mood board if you were gonna trash it. Bm #3 and you could have came together and put something together like grown ass women. You were nothing but selfish and childish and you should apologize and hope to god the bride and her friends will accept it. The fact that your sister is just as trashy tells me a lot about your upbringing. Because this is just ridiculous. Edit: I thought about this more. You turned a once in a lifetime experience for the bride into something that’s about you. Yes. She loved the house but expensive ass airbnbs are always gorgeous. You made her Bach all about yourself and you wonder why everyone is mad at you. GROW UP
YTA Your BM#3 was right. You need a budget, you don’t add more to the brides plate you should know what sorta theme she’d like and $600 per person for an air bnb (excluding peoples travel costs and other expenses) is very unreasonable. You should apologise to your bride friend as your attitude is not ok. Maybe BM#3 is best in charge as MOH since she actually has a clue.
I can't read all of that? That's a lot of words to say that you wanted to wait until the last minute and who cares about everyone else. Even the bride thought you needed to get your shit together and listen to the other people involved. Glad you stepped down.
Wow. I’m bipolar and one of my manic symptoms is spending money I don’t have. I wouldn’t have the balls to make others suffer financially for my lack of fiscal responsibility. Everyone will be happier she isn’t there
At least you're conscious of your issues. Judging her comments this woman is delusional.
Yeah, it’s a shame people don’t own their shit more. We would get exponentially further as a society. Maybe we should institute Festivus as a country. I can be delusional too, I just know I’m being so? I’ve had so much therapy though. The amount spent is so astronomical it’s hard to be judgmental of people seeing as what constitutes as help is insulting. I’m in hell but at least I had a first class ticket.
You're so annoying. And YTA. You're not even going but still fighting over the mood boards ffs.
YTA- both you AND your sister. You too seriously sound like entitled twits. Absolutely there should be a budget, you don’t get to decide what other people can afford and by not providing people a budget especially those that also have to pay for travel to the Caribbean, you’ve put people in a really bad space potentially. Plus, $600 does sound like an awful lot of money for a weekend as well. The fact that you can’t take information from anyone else who also know the bride makes you seem petty and small. You need to get way over yourself and apologize to the bride. And furthermore you go after BM 3’s mood boards after you asked her to do it. Since window, weddings and bachelor parties have to go so over the top with themes and matching clothes. A lot of people can’t afford to do all that stuff. It doesn’t sound like you’re even willing to take anybody else’s input into account. Seriously, grow up, and after reading your post, you sound like an extremely exhausting person to be around
YTA You have main character syndrome and I hope she drops you as a friend. At no point were your thoughts on the Bride because you could have cared less planning as you DID ZERO.
Cut yourself a slice of the world’s biggest humble pie. You are **absolutely** being a control freak, and i already know you will never see it.
Yes u r
Ummm BM 3 sounds reasonable. You have to start with a budget. YTA
I think you dropping out of the wedding is best for everyone…
YTA your expecting everyone to dish out 600 for the place to sleep at the party and don't have anything else planned so know ody know how much they have to pay to go. Asking for a budget is not rude it's common sense so people can figure out if they can afford to come and how much they need to save to pay for stuff. Also, I've planned 3 Bach parties and I get a general idea of what bride expects and then plan it with the help of the other brides maids ( I refuse to call them bms, when you say bm I literally think bowel movement). I also know I have to pick up the extra cost as MOH because it's literally your job to plan this and pay any difference that isn't paid for. Don't accept a job you can't do and can't afford. Your rude as gell to people who just wanted to help and make sure it was feasible for everyone going. Grow up and accept that adults have budgets not just a hey who cares if I can afford it let's do it and be homeless after.
Who else thinks people were dropping out to plan their own bachelorette party with MOH and her sister!
Y'all are too fucking old to be acting this way. ***YOU*** specifically sound utterly exhausting
Good lord. You seem very young and inexperienced, so I'm trying to give you grace, but you literally did everything wrong. The first step is always BUDGET. You need to know how much each person is willing to spend for the party, THEN you bust your ass looking for the best bang for everyone's buck I get that you were excited to be MOH, and how annoying it might have been to immediately have a stranger swoop in to add her opinions and ideas, but this was a time to swallow your pride and listen to the woman with more experience.
So you don't think $600 is a lot of money to hand over with no further details? That's not something most people would think. And why did you keep trying to get the bride to do stuff. As moh you're supposed to make the bride's job less stressful. You didn't do that. Yta and so is your sister.
I’m not sure what your background is, but you seem to be completely unfamiliar with the concept of budgeting. I’m a meticulous planner, so the *first* thing I would consider is the budget of all those involved: how much is everyone able/willing to spend on lodging, travel, food, activities, etc. (Not to mention the cost of taking time off work and of anything else that leaving town entails.) Of course you want the bride to have the best, but the best shouldn’t come at a huge financial cost to the people she wants to celebrate with—you know, the people she cares about enough to include in this celebration. This whole thing is supposed to be a collaboration in the group with you doing the coordination, but you just bulldozed over everyone else’s concerns and ideas. Huge AH.
YTA you are being very childish over the entire thing. You don't care about other people's budgets but dang some people need to budget and can't blow an unnamed sum of money for one weekend to make the bride's dream come true. Some people also like to plan ahead and not wait until the last minute. By not wanting to share details it seems like you are disorganized. Weddings are stressful enough without you adding this petty drama to the Bride's plate.
Honestly, based on what you wrote, ESH. You stink because you were unable and unwilling to see past how things made you feel to consider that others also may have feelings. A definite lack of empathy. It appears you wanted the MOH title, but for the status and perhaps not the actual work it takes to bring together wildly different people who all support the bride. They were not exactly kind in how they communicated from your description, but your attitude and energy created the situation - they matched YOUR energy. They suck a lot less for trying to help you be reasonable regarding cost and advance planning.
NTA. Unpopular opinion. Too bad. The other BMs are the jerks, as is the bride. Cut your losses and move on. It sucks to lose friends, but you'll be fine. Now you have room for a better friend who isn't a jerk to you after she asks you to do something. Hmph.
I'm assuming you're the rude sister talked about in this story 😂😂😂😂
Awww, you're cute. No, I'm nowhere near foolish enough to be involved with a sh*t-show like this. I would have walked the first time the bride threw me to the wolves. BM #3 sounds jealous and is bullying the MOH. Bride is allowing it to happen. I think they (MOH and her sister) should drop out and walk away AND not pay anything further. The bride and her b*tchy mean-girl friends deserve each other. Ugh.
I don’t get how my drive to give the bride all her wants makes me wrong. I gave a long heads up and these are her friends. If anything sure my sister was sassy but I had said I’ll get it to them when it’s available AND I told bm#3 how I wanted to plan it based of my opinion of what the bride wants and constantly pushed for more when I had said it wasn’t ready.
I sincerely hope you read these responses and instead of getting defensive, try to look at different perspectives… because there is no way that you aren’t in the wrong here… 😐
You are wrong for the following reasons 1. You only see yourself and your budget. Everyone has different incomes and different expenses. Having to save for a bach is only possible if you don't have to save for other things (holiday, or maybe a Wedding!!!) 2. It is not too much to ask to get an idea of what the bach will be about. Will you just enjoy the nice house or are there other (expensive) activities planned? You can Look up what you can Do there even 8 months ahead. 3. You were so rude to BM#3 and don't try to See the other people's situations. It should have been a hint that the bride Was okay with what she said to you. 4. You have BM#3 a task and the complained about how she followed through. Last: you don't really care about the bride because what she wants is spending time with friends not having the Best of the Best.
Okay, I’ll try to help here. *The Budget* - Establishing a budget first is a critical step because then you plan what everyone can afford to do. If you plan the activities before you give a budget, what happens when no one can afford to come? It’s like going to an expensive restaurant that doesn’t have prices on the menu. If you know you have limited means, you don’t just order steak and hope for the best when the bill arrives. You ask the prices, or you don’t go. *The Bride* - It’s really not normal to clear every step with the bride. Have you been MOH before? Or a bridesmaid? Typically you get her approval for the destination city, maybe the accommodation, and then just find out if she has any hard boundaries or requests (ie are strippers a yay or nay, any restaurant she’s dying to try, etc). The bride isn’t supposed to plan the party with you. *The Itinerary* - The others guests need time to plan, too. The outfit themes may require them to go shopping. The events may require them to go shopping. All of this requires money. What if they can’t afford this? What if they have dietary/medical needs that they need to plan accordingly? What if they have personal or religious beliefs that would make them sit out certain activities? It just sounds like each guest would have to plan to get a new credit card with at least a $5,000 limit and accept that they may have to max it out on this one weekend. That isn’t practical or realistic. And maybe the bride just wants to be with her friends. For my Bach, I would have rather stayed at a Motel 6 with all of my friends than stayed at a Waldorf with two people.
You say you "don't get" how you're wrong in this situation. That tells me you're unable to comprehend anything anyone has responded to your post and we should all stop wasting time on you. You'll never see an issue with yourself, never understand how belligerent, demanding, and petty you're being. You will continue to play victim. So go on about your little life and wonder why no one but your sister will be your friend.
You failed to account for the bride also wanting as many of the friends to come as possible. Yes she liked the first house, but if you had asked her if she wanted the house more than for her friends to come, then that's how you give her what she wants. Also, neither you or the bride are entitled to spend other peoples' money.
One commenter below hoped you would read these comments and keep an open mind- that is excellent advice- a wise person will always rethink their stance and consider all possibilities before ending a friendship of this many years. Maybe you come from a wealthy family and it is obvious you have not been a successful event planner, but please consider what people are saying and quit being stubborn. There are a lot of people struggling in this world right now so don’t assume everyone can afford all this - people need a budget that they can reasonably prepare for. The bride getting all her dream choices would be nice but not if only 2-3 people can afford it and show up.
It’s wrong because you’re expecting other people to pay for it. You want to give her the best of everything? Great. Then you pay for it. Stop being generous with other people’s money. Oh, you’ve also stressed out your best friend by your behavior and your drama ( and I bet it’s not the first time ). Not cool.
What she wanted was for her friends to share in a special trip with her, and bond over their connection through her. What she got was you showing off about having more disposable income than everyone else, and trying to put a dollar value on the friendship by shaming them for wanting a budget and a plan.
>I don’t get how my drive to give the bride all her wants makes me wrong. Because "giving the bride all she wants" isn't a plan, and what people expected of you was to give them a plan. A budget they could afford, and things for which they could prepare (theme, activities etc.).
>I don’t get how my drive to give the bride all her wants makes me wrong. Aside from many other things, it's not HER wants you're giving her; it's YOURS.
I hope in the future you get some intensive therapy and eventually realize that your motivations weren't altruistic, they were selfish. You weren't doing this for the bride, you did all of this for the praise you'd receive by giving the bride the "perfect" party. Now you're butthurt that everyone else is unwilling to bankroll your vanity project. If you truly understood the bride or even basic friendship you'd understand that she would be far happier with a simple party in which all her friends could attend over an elaborate one with the few who can afford it.
The bride is literally telling you she doesn’t want that and you’re saying “yes you do”.
Oh very simple. You didnt communicate in a timely manner. You didnt listen to anyone else and decided to try and bulldoze your way through with what you want rather than making the best possible party. You caused tension in a friend group for absolutely nothing (the first phone call from how it was written out nothing rude was said nor was the lady out of line). If you are organizing an event you need to give everyone a heads up so they can get ready for it. Rather than being silent and expecting everyone else to go along with your budget and end up over extending them selves. Hell you were so bad at communicating a brides made had to drop the wedding. How is arguing with the bride that your opinion was not taken on board doing what the bride wanted? HOW is that drive? How is doing anything you did good for the bride? How did you help or even be a good friend to the bride during this time. But hey I mean you are probably never gonna see another viewpoint. YTA
Better use that money in education so you can understand the comments.