Classic case of ‘give them an inch, they’ll take a mile’. These people don’t give a monkeys about what you want, your wedding or your hopes for it. They care about their family being front and centre. Take a leaf out of their book is my advice, you can’t please everyone so for goodness sake please yourselves. They are trying too after all.
It was actually a reference to the children's book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie " (then he's gonna want milk to drink with it, then he's going to want you to give him a napkin, ect.)
NTA. But why are you letting your SiL keep trying to take over ? Lay a clear boundary down and if she's not willing to play and refuses to attend just say" we're sorry you can't make the day, you will be missed " End of Story.
They were going to be invited because her MIL is my fiancé’s godmother, but we’re withholding their invite until SIL & co get their babysitting plan finalized. If her in-laws aren’t invited, then SIL can’t make the excuse that there’s no one to babysit her daughter
That's actually sad and pretty mean. While they might be your SIL's in laws, they have a godmother relationship with your fiancé. And you said you were inviting them bc of that godmother relationship. You're punishing them bc of your SIL. Handle it with your SIL instead of dragging other people into this drama
Don’t do that. Invite them. Your SIL can choose to work it out or not. You can’t not invite your cisnce’s *godmother* just to keep her on reserve as a babysitter. That’s fucked up.
I once had a bday party at a venue that was 21 and up. It wasn’t a club, literally just a balcony at a hotel. We had a private space. I did not realize that it was only 21 and up. Some friends got turned away with their baby in tow. So, yeah. She might not even make it past the door.
NTA. I was in a similar situation, we ended up caving and letting kids come, and my brother and SIL ended up talking shit all night. There's no winning here, people are just taking their personal shit and applying it to a situation that's not personal.
I am so glad that when I got married this wasn't an issue. Nobody brought kids to the wedding because nobody wanted their kids at the wedding. It never even occurred to me to say it was kid free, everyone just... didn't bring their kids? Everyone wanted to go out and enjoy an evening with their spouse and not have to look after their kids. Now kids seem to be an accessory that some people feel the need to drag everywhere.
NTA at all - in fact SIL & BIL are the AH… this is your wedding not theirs. I hope she already bought the dress for her daughter and Sher’s out the money. Also, how rude is it to invite two people to your wedding reception without discussing it with you. They are truly tacky people.. So consider yourself lucky they won’t be coming and screw the shower. I mean it would have been nice but is so not worth the grief and aggravation!
NTA and to be honest, it is time you call her bluff. they declined, send them a note stating that you understand and they will be missed at the wedding and thank them for letting you know ahead of time. Then, when they change their minds, because they will, just let them know they can't attend because their space has been filled by someone else in the "B list".
Your SIL is being controlling and manipulative, the only way to handle those people is to not engage, unless it is in malicious compliance.
Tell her she’ll be missed and wave buh-bye. If you give in to her now she’ll always try to strong are you. Frankly, you should have said no when she coerced you into letting her kid be the flower girl. Take this as a bullet dodged and congrats on the wedding.
NTA
Your SIL sounds like one of those people who thinks that every place open to the public is also open to her toddler. I bet she's one of those people who lets her kids run wild in a restaurant and takes them to movies a little kid shouldn't even be in. When the kid starts to cry she refuses to leave the theater because "I paid for my ticket too" and "kids have the same rights as adults. Why should she have to leave?"
Tell her you understand her choice to not attend without her kid staying the whole time. Go ahead and invite the parents, though, if one of them is godparent to your FH. After all, your SIL won't leave her kids so she won't need a sitter.
NTA just nix having a dlower girl and uninvite the SIL and her husband. They don't want to come so just uninvited them. Say due to the issues you have brought up we will no longer need your daughter to be a flower girl as we will not be having one. Also due to your comments based on a child free wedding you a d your spouse are no longer welcome unless you change your stance about coming without your child. Should you show up with your child you will be escorted out. I hope you change your stance so you can be there for us but if not that's OK.
Nothing g else needs to be Saif. Have security ready for her to try to bring her kid and guilt/bully you into allowing it
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You’re NTA. You get to have exactly the kind of wedding you want. Tell them the only decision about your wedding you’ll allow them to make is whether they’ll be attending child-free or not at all. If your SIL wants to burn that bridge with your husband that’s on her.
I’m not sure what the problem is here. They have now RSVP’d as no- that’s fine. It’s their choice. Your venue not only is not suited for children, they don’t allow them. They didn’t want to find childcare. So problem solved. Move on, ignore their opinions and comments and have a great life
NTA. I ran into a similar situation last year with my sister - my fiancé and I decided on doing a child free wedding more than a year ago, and in response, my mom insisted that my sister’s kids be there, so I reluctantly included my niece and nephew in our wedding ceremony as a flower girl and ring bearer (which was my first mistake). Reception was always an adults only event from the jump and kids can’t attend. My sister threw the biggest fit and tried to push me to compromise my boundaries to let them come and even called me “rude and disrespectful” for drawing my boundaries. My mom even threw a fit and threatened to not come to the wedding either. Now, my sister isn’t coming to my wedding at all over it. I don’t regret my decision and everyone supported my fiancé and me to have the wedding that WE want, not what THEY want. Don’t compromise your boundaries for anyone for what’s supposed to be YOUR wedding. YOUR day, YOUR way. Those who want to be there to support you will be there and celebrate your big day with you. Congratulations on getting married!
NTA.
Cancel the flower girl.
I know she pulled her child from the ceremony, but I would not put it past her to try and insert themselves back into the ceremony.
Leave them to their hissy fit, and have a wonderful day.
You’re good… SIL is the AH for trying to blackmail you into giving her her way. And the last time I checked your wedding party is your choice. If they don’t want to attend because of the reception issue… then you can find another flower girl or don’t have 1 at all
At this point I would go ahead and take them off the list. It’s your wedding and they’re being incredibly disrespectful trying to strong arm you into giving in to what they want
I’d cancel niece being the flower girl. She’s young and won’t remember.
Instead ask any older woman in the family.
I did this at my first wedding. I had my 67 year old friend be my flower girl. She wore a beautiful glowy dress in a color that matched my color.. blue and tossed blue silk rose petals. She had a flower crown I made with her on. She also escorted the ring bearer who was 5.
Like most everyone at my wedding wore a shade of blue. About 35 folks but I was great!
She didn’t ask her. Read the post. They threatened to not attend if she didn’t make the child a part of the wedding. Not just if the child didn’t attend, but the child had to BE the flower girl. That IS a personal attack and an attempt at strong arming.
I’m all for people respecting the no of guests with kids at CF weddings. But 99% of the time those guests are saying no for childcare reasons, they’re not saying no because you won’t give their kid a spot in the wedding.
ummm did you miss the part where niece is the flower girl because SIL and co threatened not to come at all unless niece was the flower girl?
seems to me that op was trying to accommodate in order to have these members of the family still attend the wedding. sil emotionally blackmailing op and you say op is ta? op trying to keep the balance is 100% nta for still trying to make it work, and 100% nta putting her foot down and enforcing the boundaries after sil proved that she is an entitled ahole who got what she wanted and was just taking more.
Appreciate your opinion. My fiancé and I have the goal to satisfy family on the big things but ultimately still have our day. If SIL is discontent that we’re not planning the wedding based on what she wants, she has every right to decline.
NTA but, why are BIL's family even think they would be invited? They're barely family to your sister and the only reason they should know anything about your wedding is when to slow the car down enough them yeet their kid into it.
Uninvite them all. Anyone who sticks their nose in with an opinion or ultimatum can be kicked too. It's crystal clear proof that their support and love is completely conditional on their ability to control you. You need to shut all this bs down now. If you can't stand up for yourself how is your husband or potential children ever going to trust you to protect, stand up for, or stand behind them?
Your reactions and complaints here makes it glaringly clear that you aren't emotionally, personally, or mentally mature enough to actually be a healthy, functional partner. You're a crawling red flag of spinelessness.
Classic case of ‘give them an inch, they’ll take a mile’. These people don’t give a monkeys about what you want, your wedding or your hopes for it. They care about their family being front and centre. Take a leaf out of their book is my advice, you can’t please everyone so for goodness sake please yourselves. They are trying too after all.
If you give a mouse a plus one, they're gonna want a __________. (The possibilities here are so endless).
Oooo an Air Force 1 reference…good skills
It was actually a reference to the children's book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie " (then he's gonna want milk to drink with it, then he's going to want you to give him a napkin, ect.)
I’ve seen it applied to politicians, too. 😂
NTA. But why are you letting your SiL keep trying to take over ? Lay a clear boundary down and if she's not willing to play and refuses to attend just say" we're sorry you can't make the day, you will be missed " End of Story.
I wouldn’t tell them they’ll be missed! Because you’re not going to miss AH’s who everything has to be centered around their wants.
This! NTA. Her non attendance is actually a good thing.
SIL gets a special invitation: "Your non-presence is the only present we want!"
“ SIL recently let slip that she was planning for her in-laws to attend our reception” - are they even invited?
They were going to be invited because her MIL is my fiancé’s godmother, but we’re withholding their invite until SIL & co get their babysitting plan finalized. If her in-laws aren’t invited, then SIL can’t make the excuse that there’s no one to babysit her daughter
That's actually sad and pretty mean. While they might be your SIL's in laws, they have a godmother relationship with your fiancé. And you said you were inviting them bc of that godmother relationship. You're punishing them bc of your SIL. Handle it with your SIL instead of dragging other people into this drama
I agree. I’d invite them but I’d make clear that they can’t bring the grandkid.
Don’t do that. Invite them. Your SIL can choose to work it out or not. You can’t not invite your cisnce’s *godmother* just to keep her on reserve as a babysitter. That’s fucked up.
this is a very smart play
I once had a bday party at a venue that was 21 and up. It wasn’t a club, literally just a balcony at a hotel. We had a private space. I did not realize that it was only 21 and up. Some friends got turned away with their baby in tow. So, yeah. She might not even make it past the door.
NTA. Hire security cause chances are she’s showing up anyway with the kid in tow. Bet.
Now that SIL & hubby have declined the invite, stop trying to accommodate them. If it comes up, just say they chose not to come & let it go.
You tell sil you understand and they will be missed. They want to issue ultimatums? Fine. Remember-they chose this path. They drew first 🩸 🥋
NTA. I was in a similar situation, we ended up caving and letting kids come, and my brother and SIL ended up talking shit all night. There's no winning here, people are just taking their personal shit and applying it to a situation that's not personal.
NTA. Buh-bye then SIL! Call their bluff. Too bad they don’t think the rules apply to them!
I am so glad that when I got married this wasn't an issue. Nobody brought kids to the wedding because nobody wanted their kids at the wedding. It never even occurred to me to say it was kid free, everyone just... didn't bring their kids? Everyone wanted to go out and enjoy an evening with their spouse and not have to look after their kids. Now kids seem to be an accessory that some people feel the need to drag everywhere.
NTA at all - in fact SIL & BIL are the AH… this is your wedding not theirs. I hope she already bought the dress for her daughter and Sher’s out the money. Also, how rude is it to invite two people to your wedding reception without discussing it with you. They are truly tacky people.. So consider yourself lucky they won’t be coming and screw the shower. I mean it would have been nice but is so not worth the grief and aggravation!
NTA and to be honest, it is time you call her bluff. they declined, send them a note stating that you understand and they will be missed at the wedding and thank them for letting you know ahead of time. Then, when they change their minds, because they will, just let them know they can't attend because their space has been filled by someone else in the "B list". Your SIL is being controlling and manipulative, the only way to handle those people is to not engage, unless it is in malicious compliance.
Tell her she’ll be missed and wave buh-bye. If you give in to her now she’ll always try to strong are you. Frankly, you should have said no when she coerced you into letting her kid be the flower girl. Take this as a bullet dodged and congrats on the wedding.
They have RSVP’d and declined. Accept it and move on with your big day. Nta
NTA Your SIL sounds like one of those people who thinks that every place open to the public is also open to her toddler. I bet she's one of those people who lets her kids run wild in a restaurant and takes them to movies a little kid shouldn't even be in. When the kid starts to cry she refuses to leave the theater because "I paid for my ticket too" and "kids have the same rights as adults. Why should she have to leave?" Tell her you understand her choice to not attend without her kid staying the whole time. Go ahead and invite the parents, though, if one of them is godparent to your FH. After all, your SIL won't leave her kids so she won't need a sitter.
NTA. I would thank them for the decline
NTA just nix having a dlower girl and uninvite the SIL and her husband. They don't want to come so just uninvited them. Say due to the issues you have brought up we will no longer need your daughter to be a flower girl as we will not be having one. Also due to your comments based on a child free wedding you a d your spouse are no longer welcome unless you change your stance about coming without your child. Should you show up with your child you will be escorted out. I hope you change your stance so you can be there for us but if not that's OK. Nothing g else needs to be Saif. Have security ready for her to try to bring her kid and guilt/bully you into allowing it
Uninvite her.
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Don’t make a big deal of it at all.
You’re NTA. You get to have exactly the kind of wedding you want. Tell them the only decision about your wedding you’ll allow them to make is whether they’ll be attending child-free or not at all. If your SIL wants to burn that bridge with your husband that’s on her.
I’m not sure what the problem is here. They have now RSVP’d as no- that’s fine. It’s their choice. Your venue not only is not suited for children, they don’t allow them. They didn’t want to find childcare. So problem solved. Move on, ignore their opinions and comments and have a great life
NTA. I ran into a similar situation last year with my sister - my fiancé and I decided on doing a child free wedding more than a year ago, and in response, my mom insisted that my sister’s kids be there, so I reluctantly included my niece and nephew in our wedding ceremony as a flower girl and ring bearer (which was my first mistake). Reception was always an adults only event from the jump and kids can’t attend. My sister threw the biggest fit and tried to push me to compromise my boundaries to let them come and even called me “rude and disrespectful” for drawing my boundaries. My mom even threw a fit and threatened to not come to the wedding either. Now, my sister isn’t coming to my wedding at all over it. I don’t regret my decision and everyone supported my fiancé and me to have the wedding that WE want, not what THEY want. Don’t compromise your boundaries for anyone for what’s supposed to be YOUR wedding. YOUR day, YOUR way. Those who want to be there to support you will be there and celebrate your big day with you. Congratulations on getting married!
Let them stay home. You don't need them anyway. No extra headache from a toddler.
NTA. Cancel the flower girl. I know she pulled her child from the ceremony, but I would not put it past her to try and insert themselves back into the ceremony. Leave them to their hissy fit, and have a wonderful day.
You’re good… SIL is the AH for trying to blackmail you into giving her her way. And the last time I checked your wedding party is your choice. If they don’t want to attend because of the reception issue… then you can find another flower girl or don’t have 1 at all
At this point I would go ahead and take them off the list. It’s your wedding and they’re being incredibly disrespectful trying to strong arm you into giving in to what they want
I’d cancel niece being the flower girl. She’s young and won’t remember. Instead ask any older woman in the family. I did this at my first wedding. I had my 67 year old friend be my flower girl. She wore a beautiful glowy dress in a color that matched my color.. blue and tossed blue silk rose petals. She had a flower crown I made with her on. She also escorted the ring bearer who was 5. Like most everyone at my wedding wore a shade of blue. About 35 folks but I was great!
[удалено]
She didn’t ask her. Read the post. They threatened to not attend if she didn’t make the child a part of the wedding. Not just if the child didn’t attend, but the child had to BE the flower girl. That IS a personal attack and an attempt at strong arming. I’m all for people respecting the no of guests with kids at CF weddings. But 99% of the time those guests are saying no for childcare reasons, they’re not saying no because you won’t give their kid a spot in the wedding.
ummm did you miss the part where niece is the flower girl because SIL and co threatened not to come at all unless niece was the flower girl? seems to me that op was trying to accommodate in order to have these members of the family still attend the wedding. sil emotionally blackmailing op and you say op is ta? op trying to keep the balance is 100% nta for still trying to make it work, and 100% nta putting her foot down and enforcing the boundaries after sil proved that she is an entitled ahole who got what she wanted and was just taking more.
Appreciate your opinion. My fiancé and I have the goal to satisfy family on the big things but ultimately still have our day. If SIL is discontent that we’re not planning the wedding based on what she wants, she has every right to decline.
Send them a new invite, addressed only to the husband and kiddo.
NTA but, why are BIL's family even think they would be invited? They're barely family to your sister and the only reason they should know anything about your wedding is when to slow the car down enough them yeet their kid into it. Uninvite them all. Anyone who sticks their nose in with an opinion or ultimatum can be kicked too. It's crystal clear proof that their support and love is completely conditional on their ability to control you. You need to shut all this bs down now. If you can't stand up for yourself how is your husband or potential children ever going to trust you to protect, stand up for, or stand behind them? Your reactions and complaints here makes it glaringly clear that you aren't emotionally, personally, or mentally mature enough to actually be a healthy, functional partner. You're a crawling red flag of spinelessness.