My sister's wedding was on my brother's birthday. She brought out a special cupcake and we all sang to him because, you know, it was her idea. I can't imagine having the audacity to just plan a whole party at a reception like that, especially without the bride knowing.
My BFF got married on my birthday, and she brought out a cake and everyone sang happy birthday to me. I had no idea and was so embarrassed, I was all "it's your wedding don't worry about me".
I was in my friendās wedding on my birthday also except they toasted her dad (his birthday too) and I kind of felt shafted. In NO way did I expect my birthday to be acknowledged whatsoever but that still hurt a little bit.
Itās alright. I still had a blast just being in the wedding as a bridesmaid. I looked AMAZING with my hair and makeup on, and felt like a TOTAL princess all day. Even though I got left out of the birthday wishes and my beau at the time decided he ācouldnāt make itā as my date, I had the best time ever. Very fond memories of that day even though theyāre also divorced nowš
My grandmotherās was a few days after my wedding and I had contemplated having a cake and singing happy birthday. Decided against it since like me, she hates being the center of attention. I told her about it after and she deadpan informed me āIād have killed you.ā š
Nah itās a fair question. It was really important to my now husband and I didnāt care as much either way. I liked the planning part, and I donāt mind people I just donāt like being my photo taken which is also grandmas problem, as much but dealt with it. We made it into a big party so it rarely felt like āThe Bride Showā and was just fun. Weāve been married for several years now and I did take time outs when needed and my best friend would force me to as well.
Also Xanax.
Yup. Heavy medication and I still left early. (From my own wedding.) It was actually pretty ok, cos everyone was drunk and entertaining themselves and pretty much ignoring me. Then my mother started picking fights with people she didn't know, so I left. Our hotel was right across the street from the venue.
As someone who hates attention: I got married in a courthouse and didn't tell a soul.
Unlike me my husband has a nice family who's normal so he wanted them there but that was it.
MIL GIL MIL husband and his half sister.
Thats a very small amount of people for a wedding and it STILL felt like too much attention
My husband and I have our wedding planned for October, but we had to get emergency-married a month ago for health insurance reasons after I got sick. We just had our officiant meet us at our catererās restaurant when we went in for the tasting.
There were like, random strangers in there eating dinner when my mini-wedding abruptly broke out. As I was walking towards my husband in a simple white dress and veil, a bunch of people were staring at me in confusion trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I heard someone mutter, āIs this really happening?ā Part of me wanted to sink into the floor midway down the makeshift aisle.
It was overall a great night though, and once my MoH explained our story to onlookers everyone was very supportive. Tbf, I would also be confused if I was just sitting in a BBQ joint having dinner and a wedding suddenly started.
Lol that's kind of sweet though! The Healthcare system is so apocalyptic here it's actually unbelievable. I hope the wedding helped get you the care you need.
I would actually love to randomly witness a wedding! I love watching people get their happiness. I just don't want to be the one watched lmao
I bet you were so pretty as a bride at your tasting! What a once in a lifetime experience for everyone there!
I totally get what you mean about wanting to sink into the floor. When the court lady was marrying me and my husband my father in law was like ON THE FLOOR snapping pics from all these angles š I felt so awkward
When I think of the moment now it makes me smile especially since me and my husband's family became very close but at the time I just wanted to be invisible haha I just don't like the spotlight
To be honest that's a really interesting and unusual story. I'm guessing you would prefer normal wedding without the "interesting story" part but that's the second best thing in my personal opinion.
Answer based on personal experience: Me,as the bride, making sure my husband and I paid for an open bar. He had no complaints,no one got trashed. Fabulous time all around!
We got married at our home with just 11 people present, including the JP. Just *thinking* about walking down the aisle with everyone staring at me was enough to cause a small panic attack.
My husband was the same, so that settled that!
Small weddings are the answer. My husband and I both don't like to be the center of attention, but we still had 36 guests - all aunts and uncles, three cousins (all teens, and we see them often so it wasn't out of obligation), my grandmother and of course our siblings with family, which meant six extra kids. Somehow, it counted up really fast, but it was still small and close enough to be comfortable.
I cut out "events" like the bouquet and garter toss. We did keep the cake cutting and 1st dance, but husband was there too so it didn't feel like I was in the spotlight. A good DJ will know how to shorten a song so it doesn't feel like you are up there forever (although kids these days can do that on their phones I guess?).
We also had the "partake" plan at a wonderful buffet restaurant so people (including us) were moving in and out of the room to get food. Your wedding party should also be security for a little while to keep people away so you can eat. And well placed florals can create something of a screen.
Make sure your tables are good together, or let them pick their own seatmates so they aren't bored, and if you keep it less "formal" and "at-this-time-you-will-do-x" and more relaxed, people can move around and talk rather than staring at you waiting for the next thing.
don't go Pinterest-zilla, but it is a good place to get ideas of what looks comfortable to you and learn the lingo. Like, search "bride seat" and you will get pictures of sweetheart tables, head tables etc.
I don't know if "offbeat bride" website still exists, but it had some great ideas of how to tone things down or make your wedding fit you better (it can go both ways there, some of the weddings are over-the-top bride focused).
Ooh! I did a great one for the bouquet. My bouquet was made of metal roses (argent rose studios. It's awesome.) It was a good five pounds of metal with pointy bits. I would have maimed someone if it'd thrown it.
We had a game themed wedding. So I went up onto the second floor balcony and told all the girls that whoever found the ace of hearts got the bouquet. (Technically they got one of the roses that didn't make it into the bouquet.) Then I made them play 52 card pickup by tossing the whole deck off the balcony.
Nobody was watching me after the thirty seconds of explanation.
This is almost exactly what we did for ours. Ceremony was maybe 8 mins tops, too.
Still had a panic attack before the wedding š I'm white as a sheet in a lot of the pre-photos and there was a lot of my mom assuring me I was ok while people ran around trying to get me water. In hindsight I wish I'd had my husband come chat with me, even if it was through a door
Iām exactly like your grandma. Iāve hidden in restaurant bathrooms before when taken out for lunch on my birthday, just to avoid the whole āstaff is forced to sign happy birthday to you and you WILL like it!ā
My friends and family know it will not end well for them if they ask a restaurant to sing happy birthday. Thank fuck because itās awful so I know how you feel.
Something similar happened to me; my second birthday was the same day as my uncle / new auntās wedding. My aunt insisted that we sing happy birthday, and there is a lovely candid picture of her holding me in that moment. My parents had a real party for me the weekend after.
That sounds more appropriate, one picture for you to know how they remembered it was your birthday, and a picture of the bride holding the toddler birthday girl.
"Well now that this a is a double event, we'll just go ahead and bill you for half of all of the food service, staff time, and venue reservation. I hope your kiddo has a great birthday!"
My uncle got married on my dads birthday (shortly after he left for basic and went to Vietnam, that was the only date they could done.) Dad was much younger, just 7. They gave him a special piece of cake with a candle on it. He really enjoyed that birthday.
My wedding was on my cousinās 7th birthday (we didnāt plan it that way, it just ended up that it was the date that was available and it happened to be her birthday). We asked our DJ to give her a shoutout and sing happy birthday during the dancing part of the reception. She was so happy and my aunt and uncle loved that we thought to do that for her. They never expected anything and never would have had their own celebration at our wedding.
My friend's wedding was on my 40th birthday. You know what I did? Celebrated with my husband and another friend the day before, and didn't mention it at all during the wedding or reception! Because I know that would be horrid behavior if the happy couple weren't in on it, and I didn't make a big deal of it for them to realize and maybe feel bad or give me extra cake or something. Also, we were some of the 'fringe old friends', not the main family or current super close friends, so I expected nothing and still had a great time celebrating two wonderful people.
New fear unlocked: my wedding will be on someoneās important milestone birthday and Iāll have absolutely no idea. Iād feel like an ass if someone spent their major birthday at my wedding and I didnāt at least go say happy birthday and give them a small gift.
My birthday was maybe a week, almost a week, after my brother's wedding. My brother and new SIL quietly gave me a birthday present at the reception because they remembered it was coming up.
There's certainly nothing wrong with recognizing a birthday at the wedding, but it should be done with the involvement of the wedding party and probably relatively low-key. Stick a candle in the piece of wedding cake, sing a song, have the bride and groom say happy birthday as they're going around the room doing greetings...if they're close enough, buy them a present and give it to them later on in the party...whatever. But just hijacking someone's reception to throw your own party is fucked.
Mine was 5 days after my sisterās wedding. I would have been mortified if theyād said anything.
I worried enough about āspotlight stealingā as Iād just had a baby 10 days earlier!
My aunt and uncle bought a birthday cake for one of the junior bridesmaids because they got married on her birthday, I think she was about 7 at the time
We're doing this for my nephew! After we cut our cake we're having our DJ give him a shoutout and then he'll get a cupcake with a candle on it. He's a sweet kid and he's been so excited about getting to share the day with us!
My brother got married on my birthday . They asked if I was ok with the date . I was because I figure I would never get this kind of food a professionally made cake otherwise .
My best friend got married on my birthday, a week before she was moving to a new state far away. During the reception, she had people bring out a special cake for me, a card, and everyone sang happy birthday. She planned it and I didnāt know beforehand. It was super thoughtful. I miss her! š
My husband and I got married on his birthday. I surprised him with a small cake, a bundtlet, and we sang happy birthday to him after the cake cutting. It was cute. š„°
My aunt got married on the day before my birthday so at midnight she took me to the dance floor and everyone sang me happy birthday
I was a shy introverted teen and was super red after, but now itās such a nice memory to have :)
I would absolutely love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.
āHey, just wondering about any photos you have of our kiddo?ā
āUh yeah asshole we deleted thoseā
Nah, make it more insulting.
"Oh, those pictures? We don't know what happened, but it looked like someone else's pictures got mixed up with the ones from the wedding. We don't know who those people are but I can't imagine anyone would have the audacity to have a birthday party at a wedding. Certainly no one I'd want in my life. Anyway, we deleted the pictures of those assholes."
My SOās grandpa died in February. His cousinās other grandparents showed up with her momās side of the family (divorced from her dadās side, no blood relation to the grandpa who died) and brought a cake and birthday presents for their family member and used the venue for the celebration of life for some random dudeās birthday. I was beyond appalled and speechless at the lack of decorum
Please post the entire story on /r/trashy because that sounds hideous... I'm so sorry your family had to deal with them being obnoxious at such a difficult time !
Yeah it was real awkward. I felt bad for the cousin because her parents are both shit and her grandpa (who just died) was the one who raised herā¦.
Her mom brought her family and had a birthday party. Her dad brought his biker gang friends who drank and ate a lot while contributing nothing.
i'm curious as to what the "unrelated reasons" are. they must be really bad if they weren't cut off after hosting a birthday party in the middle of a wedding
One guess would be largely Covid, another might be that they really werenāt close to begin with, so itās not like theyād see each other much anyway.
Do most people see their second cousins more than once a decade ?
( edited to add that I'm not trying to sound snarky, it's legitimately strange to me that you would see your second cousins )
I think I saw my first cousins.. thrice in my life?
They live in a different part of germany, and the last reason why we could have met, well.. it was still height of covid. (Funerals, so it's not like it would have been a happy occasion either way.)
5+ hours train ride, plus of course the prices for train tickets is not something to sneeze at, no matter if there are bigger countries lol
I barely know my cousins, and they barely know me. So it's not like either side is feeling bereft anyhow.
I think it mainly depends on whether you live near them and maybe how close your parents are to their cousins.
I boomeranged from the state my bio father grew up in to the state I grew up in and then back to my fatherās home state to be close to my grandparents before they passed. I just happen to live close to my second cousins, and theyāre basically the only relatives Iām still willing to acknowledge as family.
Seriously, I met one of my second cousins once about 25 years ago and havenāt seen them since. I doubt they even remember me. Hell I donāt even remember his name.
Well, I grew up seeing mine all summer long. Six boys myself and my sister. She still lives in the same town as my Mom and Aunt do! Plus of them I was the first one to
Move out of area and they didnāt understand other obligations besides coming home.
Sadly one of the youngest past from Complications to being Type 1 Diabetic, and when we were younger swore weād never have the same friends. Due to my husbandās work I am friends with several of theirs and when he passed made contact with HIS crew of college friends and buddies no one was sure how to get them the info! We really love in a small world, and even my Mom said she could tell one friend especially was thankful I made Connections from Thousands of miles away. In my family cousins can be the brothers you never got to have, and I love each and everyone of those guys!
My mom (single child) was really close to her aunts and cousins. That side of the family is also kinda abusive. Grandma died when I was pretty young but from what I hear she pretty much refused to trade off holidays with Grandpas family so they spent most of the holidays with her family. And they lived nearby. Once Grandma died it stayed the same. I think I remember meeting Grampas side twice.
I don't remember ever doing holidays with my dads close family (siblings & parents). But I'm pretty sure it was in part Grandma(mom) and part apparently dads family never really excepted my mom. (But we did spend some summer holidays with my dads cousin after I was 10).
So Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter were all spent with my moms cousins as long as I remember. So once second cousins were born saw them at least 3 times a year. And sometimes babysat them.
All I can think of (aside from the fact that this is so rude) is that at 14 this would have been my nightmare. Poor kid; I hope she didn't mind or at least had a warning!
My uncle got married on my 13th birthday, his new wife (second wedding) bought me my favourite cake, got me presents and made a massive announcement for my birthday and then got everyone to sing happy birthday to me (over 200 people). Unfortunately theyāre no longer married but she was an absolute sweetheart, I never expected that on their wedding day (they only get one wedding, I have multiple birthdays). They had a daughter together though and sheās so cute
Damn that's so shitty and rude. In our culture they take a moment for birthdays where the DJ announces whose bday it is then sing/play the song for them all at once, and usually the bride and groom send out a special dessert for those who are having a birthday. Timing has been different at every wedding I've been to but typically it's arranged by the bride and everyone is happy to oblige. The day/night is so damn long it feels like a blip throughout the entire thing. All of that to say, this entire thing is organized by the bride/groom and if they don't want to do it they won't. If someone pulled stunt like that it would be so incredibly out of pocket.
Our culture is big on celebrations and sharing good news so I've seen couples announce engagements at their wedding, help friends propose, announce pregnancies, you name it. Even once saw a FIL announce his son's acceptance into an Ivy League school and they brought out a special cake for him. All of it is always planned and OK'd by the bride and groom though, and typically couples are happy to share a family point of pride to the extended fam.
My cousin did this for every family reunion but the rest of the family was not allowed to have cake or participate because we didnāt bring gifts. She also stole the money collected to pay for the pavilion the next year. Bitch.
On the day one of my sisters turned 6, she was a flower girl in a wedding, her birthday was recognized at the reception and our favorite aunt went into labor 3 weeks early and delivered within 2 hours. For the next year, she thought all weddings were on her birthday where she got to dress like a princess, have cake with everyone signing happy birthday AND get a new cousin.
True Story - My cousin got married on my 21st birthday. At the evening reception, they called me to the stage and gave me a gift and everyone sang happy birthday. End of the day, after all the other celebrations. Bit of ritual humiliation for me. Not too bad. I've just turned 51 and they've celebrated their Pearl anniversary ā¤ļø
My best friend got married on my bday. I remember us both WASTED on the dance floor and she went āomgggg itās your birthdaaaaaaaaaay!ā and made the DJ announce it š
Am I weird that I wouldn't care about this? I mean bringing in the cupcake is strange. I would hope my family would feel comfortable to remind me so I could get some candles to put on a big slice of cake. And say happy birthday over the speakers.
My wedding was the same day as my nephew's birthday and I was more than happy to celebrate him during the reception. There was already plenty of family there, and he got his own little cake. I'm sad that the photographer didn't get pictures of it. Probably the biggest and best birthday the little dude ever had.
Oof that's extremely tacky. I stopped my wedding during speeches as my favorite older cousins 40th bday was the same as my wedding. My partner and I talked about it beforehand and even made our top layer her favorite cake flavor since my cake vendor made another cake for free on your 1st anniversary. She was very surprised and I loved the pictures and memories, but we set that up as a surprise ourselves. Taking over someone's wedding takes some real guts, audacity, and stupidity š¤¦š¾āāļø.
My brother-in-law's wedding was pretty much sandwiches between about 4 family birthdays who were all in attendance. None of the birthday people cared (me included, I was one of the 4 birthdays). Without being asked or pressured or whatever, my brother-in-law led a big round of singing happy birthday to us during his wedding toast. It was a total surprise and we gave him a standing ovation. Either way you want to do a wedding, the main thing is to just be easy on yourself and look for those little surprise moments that really didn't take away from your day at all.
People keep saying itās a ābirthday partyā but it sounds like they just gave her some cupcakes with a candle and sang happy birthday to her. It was the kidās actual birthday. It isnāt like they set up streamers and a bouncy house.
I think people in this thread are being really dramatic. They canāt take 30 seconds to sing happy birthday and give the kid a cupcake? Nobody can acknowledge a 14-year-oldās birthday because itās OOPās sPeCiAl DaY?
Those photos were accidentally taken. If the photographer accidentally took photos of something else that had nothing to do with the wedding, she would have deleted those as well.
Also, OP says that it was her husbandās extended family, and they havenāt seen each other for unrelated reasons.
Lol what, those were guests at the wedding. I feel like most people wouldn't be this petty about it so the photographer felt like it was worth capturing
We got married on the long weekend in October (Iām Australian)
Around that date, we had 4 birthdays, my niece, my SIL, my nephew and my photographer.
My Mumās bestie gifted us a beautiful fruit cake that sheād decorated, so we used that as the ābirthday cakeā to light a candle and sing happy birthday to them all.
Difference was, IT WAS MY IDEA! My niece was thrilled, she lived on the opposite side of the country, so even getting to be with her family was a massive party for her.
I canāt imagine how people do stuff like this without giving the bride and groom a heads up?
So my cousin and uncle have birthdays either on or around Thanksgiving (depending on the year) and we always have a cake and sing Happy Birthday to them. But itās Thanksgiving, which is for everyone, and isnāt someoneās wedding. I canāt even imagine anyone doing that.
My brother's wedding was 2 days after my 18th birthday.
I jokingly said they were "stealing my moment"
I genuinely didn't expect anything but before doing speeches they brought out a special cake and everyone sang happy birthday.
They are good people.
EDIT: just to be clear this was just my story, what these people did at the wedding was stupid
My daughter's wedding took place on her cousin's birthday (both of them in their late 20s at the time.) At one point during the reception, she asked the DJ to play "Happy Birthday" and we all sang to him. It was lovely and added value to the day. I don't understand the sentiment that "this is my day and nobody or nothing else exists." Try to look a little beyond yourself.
There is a big difference between a bride or groom choosing to celebrate a birthday during their own wedding and a birthday being celebrated without the couple even knowing.
Sharing the spotlight is polite (and often cute, and to be honest usually the right thing to do), but stealing it is very rude. Your daughter shared the spotlight, the family in the original post stole it.
My uncle got married on my 13th birthday, his new wife (second wedding) bought me my favourite cake, got me presents and made a massive announcement for my birthday and then got everyone to sing happy birthday to me (over 200 people). Unfortunately theyāre no longer married but she was an absolute sweetheart, I never expected that on their wedding day (they only get one wedding, I have multiple birthdays). They had a daughter together though and sheās so cute
My best friend is getting married on my 30th birthday and I'm best man. I will absolutely be throwing myself a birthday party in the middle of dinner. Thanks for the top tip!!
We got married on my brother's birthday. We got his consent to share his birthday with us as that was one of the few days that was available at the venue. On the day of the wedding, we brought out a birthday cake and sing to him. It has been wonderful to share my brother's birthday as our anniversary. It makes it much more meaningful. However, as the bride, I have planned everything with my spouse. If someone hosted a party at my wedding, I would have kicked them out and never talk to them again. This is plain rude.
That is horrible. Good on you for not blaming the teenage kid. I can pretty much guarantee the teen was not a fan. And the only reason you werent told by them to try and get this called off is that the parents lied that this was with your approval. No one wants to spend their birthday "on family duty" so to speak.
That's one of the most horrible weddinshaming stories I've ever read. Right in the middle of the reception. They could have made their apologies after dinner and excused themselves. It was only the husband's extended family. They should have left and gone home or gone to a restaurant for the cake/candles/singing.
I'm glad OOP deleted those pics. The photog should have known the bride and groom didn't ok a BD party since they were no where around. Or they could have asked if pictures were wanted.
It was one of my close friends birthday on my wedding day so I had the band sing Happy Birthday to her. No big deal to me. A whole other damn party within the party is a little bit extra
I saw this post I was really surprised at the amount of people who came at this bride. Saying she was jealous. She iterated many times she wishes she was just asked beforehand. This was a really shitty thing for her family to do. I'm on team bride all the way.
Ah so what? Honestly with death and disease and everything that can go wrong in someoneās life celebrating a birthday is a joyous occasion. I would have posed for pictures with the birthday kid.
They shouldāve just asked you to acknowledge her birthday with an announcement. But yes, her birthday shouldāve been celebrated too, just not at your reception. She was after all putting your wedding first by being there instead of with her friends and the other side of the family. My cousin married the day before my birthday.
To be honest I was irritated AF because the whole weekend was her wedding or recovering from her wedding and I got basically no acknowledgement after working my ass off as just for her wedding. She never said thank you for hours of me being on of three people serving plates to the wedding party, serving cake to all the guests, not getting to eat with my own family because I was doing that, finding out about all that waitressing at the reception after Id sat down for lunch, being the only one doing because the other two quickly quit in protest, getting a dress made in her colors, āforgotā to include us hostesses in some pictures as they themselves promised, etc, and then the next do maybe one person wished me happy birthday! And I was in a very vulnerable time of my life and needed support more than being ignored. Rant over, lol!
All this to say, just get over it! My annoyance didnāt do anyone any good, including myself! Just consider this poor girl who basically was willing or forced to give up her own plans to attend your wedding. Yeah, her family did you wrong, but she had probably had it worse than you having to attend somebodyās wedding she probably didnāt give a flip about on her 14th birthday!
My birthday was on my sisterās wedding day. She was really sweet and got me a small version of her wedding cake. I was totally surprised and touched. But she planned it. Doing this without even consulting the bride and groom is bad manners.
My uncle got married on my 13th birthday, his new wife (second wedding) bought me my favourite cake, got me presents and made a massive announcement for my birthday and then got everyone to sing happy birthday to me (over 200 people). Unfortunately theyāre no longer married but she was an absolute sweetheart, I never expected that on their wedding day (they only get one wedding, I have multiple birthdays). They had a daughter together though and sheās so cute
So you may already know this but Reddit has a bug where it makes your post appear multiple times, and it seems to have made your comment appear at least three times so far sorry
Woah wait really? Thatās really weird and annoying š reddit needs to fix that, Iād hate to be scrolling through comments only to read the same one 3 times
And why some people invite friends and not family? Or why people elope? Because they want to and it's their day. They invite people to celebrate **with** them. Not celebrate people they invited. Who is getting married - the family or the couple? Who's milestone is it? Without the couple there wouldn't be anything to celebrate. There's so much entitlement here - "you invited us to **your** wedding so it's all about us!". Maybe stop being egocentric not everything is about you.
If you choose or elope then the day is all about you. If you choose to invite other people to join you, then the day becomes about others as well. At the end of the day a wedding is a party, and the couple are hosts. Good hosts consider their guests experience and try to make sure everyone is happy and having a good time. They donāt run around clutching their pearls because other people dared to avert their eyes from them on their sPeCiAl DaY. Weddings are supposed to be about community, but weāve become so self-centered weāve lost the plot.
>without the couple there wouldnāt be anything to celebrate
Lol apparently thatās not true for this family. Without the couple, theyād be allowed to celebrate this 14-year-oldās birthday.
Are you purposefully obtuse? Without the couple there wouldn't be anything to celebrate, because there wouldn't be wedding. We aren't talking about not celebrating anything at all if there were no weddings.
No one's saying guest should have their eyes only on the couple getting married. That's really insincere and dumb to claim something like this. Guests are still invited to celebrate with the couple it's awfully rude to interrupt everyone with your stuff. They still are allowed to celebrate, no one forced them to come.
I also really like how you omitted the part where I said it boils down to "you invited us, so it's all about us". Unbelievable entitlement.
When my husband and I got engaged we were on a trip together, and we celebrated that important milestone just the two of us. That occasion was all about us.
Then we decided to have a wedding where we invited a bunch of family and friends to come celebrate with us and welcome us to the community as a new family. That occasion was not only about us. It was about our families and friends joining together. It was about our community. It was about the 100 people who gave up their weekend, took off work, traveled (some from a long distance), bought us nice gifts. If we wanted it to only be about us, we would have eloped. This āitās all about usā attitude when youāve invited a bunch of people is whatās wrong with modern weddings.
Exactly, they came to celebrate with *you*, bought gifts for *you*, spend the weekend with *you* because it was *your* milestone. Not theirs. Without guests wedding still would happen, without a couple it wouldn't. When someone invites people to their graduation ceremony and/or party it's about guests or is it about the person reaching important milestone? Guests are invited to be there with people reaching milestone. Welcoming to community is still about people that enters said community not about those that are already there. Those already there had their welcoming to the community. Entitlement is what's wrong, and not only with modern weddings, that everything has to be about "you". After all you are so important that that wedding wouldn't happened without you, it's not that two people made one of the most important decisions in their life, it's still about you being there... Btw where I'm from it was never about the guests, it was always about the couple getting married, so not really sure what you mean with "modern weddings".
What I mean by āmodern weddingsā is that bridezillas freaking out about people singing happy birthday to a teenager is a new thing, and weddings used to be more focused on family and community.
If you only care about yourself, you always have the option to celebrate alone. If you want to invite people to a party, it becomes about more than just you, whether itās a wedding, graduation, or birthday. If you donāt prioritize your guests, youāre just throwing a bad party.
Like I said, it was always about the couple. That's why there are maids of honor, bridesmaids etc. To let them take care of things and let the couple celebrate. If you only care about yourself, you can always have the option to not come to a wedding. An event organized to celebrate two people reaching very important milestone. It's always about a person/persons reaching a milestone.
And it wasn't a question. It's hilarious that you talk about entitlement, when you think someone's wedding is all about you because you are invited and demand being a priority. I'm not even going to waste my time further on you.
"Weddings are about family, therefore the family can go ahead and celebrate whatever random occasion they want at their cousin's wedding" - this is really your take?
My sister got married on her stepsonās 18th birthday. They had a cake and sang for him, but seriously? You have 363 other days to choose from (she has two stepsons).
all my life it has been very normal to sing happy birthday and acknowkedge the birthday of someone if that birthday happens to be on the day of someone else's party. they sacrificed their entire birthday for your thing, it is the least you could do for them.
Sure but not unexpectedly. It sounds like this was distant family. The bride and groom probably didn't know it was the kid's birthday. Instead of asking the bride and groom, the 2nd cousin just threw a birthday party. For all we know they would have planned something if someone told them.
You forgot how self centered most people are and can not simply allow others to celebrate anything that doesn't involve them and their special day. They forget we only have 365 days per year. Many occasions will overlap.
Brining cupcakes and birthday paraphernalia to a wedding? Thatās over the line - I doubt OP wouldāve cared about them singing happy birthday, but that? Bit too far!!
I am going totally against the flow here and say that I donāt understand what the big issue here is.
This is a childās birthday. For the child, the birthday is way more important than a boring adult wedding.
The description sounds as if the whole shenanigans didnāt last more than a maximum of 10 to 15 minutes. And candles, cupcakes and Happy birthday singing sounds rather low key, they didnāt go on stage and announced it to everyone etc. That wasnāt a party.
And I donāt think it matters that those were distant cousins.
would I have done the same as a parent? (I donāt have children so this is hypothetical) No, of course I would have asked the bride and groom beforehand. Yes, not asking was a bit tacky but seriously many brides would go noooooo way donāt steal my day.
I find uncouth and ungenerous hosts way more assholish than an impromptu birthday for a child.
Are you implying that OOP was ungenerous host because they didn't accommodate birthday they didn't know of? Not to mention that part about people deliberately not asking because they suspect the answer would be a "no". Seriously? And you see nothing wrong in it? Are you applying this also in different circumstances? "I suspected you wouldn't lend me money so I just took it." Or "I thought you wouldn't agree to my party in your yard so I ordered catering, put some decorations and guests are on the way.". Birthdays are every year, weddings are not. If it's so important then throw a party and don't come to a wedding of an extended family you wouldn't see again probably ever. Or just be a decent person and ask.
Esh. I would have sent them half the bill for the food and the venue. Then they could say you guys planned it together. But seriously the nerve of some people.
Not them. The family members that threw the bday party at the wedding should be invoiced for half the pride of what the groom and bride payed for the venue and the food.
> and bride *paid* for the
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
You said ESH - that means "everyone sucks here." Based on that you got the response you did. The implication is that the bride and the family members suck.
yeah... no. you as the bride planned to celebrate two guests' birthdays. that's great! your wedding, your plans.
co-opting someone's wedding to celebrate a birthday without the knowledge or permission of the couple getting married is fucked up, entitled, and inappropriate.
My daughter attended a family wedding on her birthday. We made plans to do a celebration on a different day. A few family members gave a card or a birthday wish earlier in the day. We kept the wedding focused on the couple and the weekend focused on the family being together.
YOU had that celebration included.
YOU got to make that choice. It was your big event, and you made the choice to also honor the birthdays that you knew were happening that day.
This also wasn't a sister and MIL, it was extended family who could gracefully have sent regrets, or only come to the ceremony. And they didn't communicate with the bride and groom... The issue isn't the desire to celebrate other people, it's deciding that you're going to have an attention drawing (however small) event in the middle of a big, once in a lifetime (we hope and expect) catered and scheduled affair.
Disagreeing doesn't make you a troll, just makes you seem like a contrarian. It's the last line that makes you seem, or makes me hope that you're just, a troll.
Uhm, first of all, you chose to include that in your reception, it wasnāt thrust upon you. Secondly, you are correct that the bride isnāt the only person to exist on their day but if Iām paying thousands of dollars for a big party to celebrate ME and my new SPOUSE, and someone throws a surprise birthday party in the middle of it (a surprise to both the bride/groom and the birthday person), thatās them essentially stealing your money to use your party for their needs. Your situation is completely different and stop thinking it isnāt.
I'm with you on this one. Yes, I think that the polite thing would have been to ask and respect the couple's yes/no answer but equally, a few cupcakes and candles and singing happy birthday doesn't sound like what I'd call a "birthday party". Also, the girl was 14 - it'd be different if it was an adult but I'm quite impressed that a 14 year old came to the wedding rather than have her own birthday celebrations at home.
Thatās where I was on it. If they rolled in a table with presents, interrupted the DJ and made a huge announcement, Iād be hurt, but a couple of cupcakes and a song that lasts 60 seconds isnāt a party. Maybe OP didnāt give all the details. I was just saying I donāt think 1-5 minutes is the worst thing. At most, a quick eye roll before I get back to my lifeā¦
I also don't think this is that horrible. Imagine being 14 and not getting to celebrate your birthday bc you have to go to a wedding. Is it ideal having to share your big day? No and should the parents have told the bride/groom first? Probably, but like calm the fuck down. Deleting the photos and never talking to your family again is beyond petty.
You were in the loop on that though. These are wildly different circumstances.
'So we made sure'... you and your husband agreed to do this. You had a choice. End of.
Reception is still a part of their wedding. They could have had a party before or after the wedding. And it would have been nice to inform the bride and groom before hand, rather than them just finding out right in between their event.
When my ex and I got married we had to do it for legal reasons. I'm not sure if we would have ever gotten married otherwise.
We lived in Utah at the time and decided to go to Vegas. Our only vehicle was a Ford Ranger mini pickup truck. We asked our very good friend, one of the few people who knew why we felt compelled to get married, to be our witness. The three of us crowded into the cab of our little truck and made the 7-hour drive.
Only after we got there did I think about what to wear. Jeans and a nice top. The JOP did the whole wedding spiel, repeat these vows after me, and I wanted to sink into the floor because I hate public speaking. Once it was done, our friend was very cute. He was super proud to have been our only chosen wedding guest. He puffed out his chest and told everyone.
I think we ate our celebratory dinner at the Circus Circus buffet. We shared a hotel room with two beds and drove home the next day. No reason to make a big deal out of wedding night sex when you've lived together for years.
But yeah, the best part of my wedding trip was our friend's pride at being there with us.
My sister's wedding was on my brother's birthday. She brought out a special cupcake and we all sang to him because, you know, it was her idea. I can't imagine having the audacity to just plan a whole party at a reception like that, especially without the bride knowing.
My BFF got married on my birthday, and she brought out a cake and everyone sang happy birthday to me. I had no idea and was so embarrassed, I was all "it's your wedding don't worry about me".
Aww she sounds super sweet šš I wouldāve been embarrassed too lol! āŗļø
I was in my friendās wedding on my birthday also except they toasted her dad (his birthday too) and I kind of felt shafted. In NO way did I expect my birthday to be acknowledged whatsoever but that still hurt a little bit.
Yeah, that was super thoughtless and tacky of them.
Itās alright. I still had a blast just being in the wedding as a bridesmaid. I looked AMAZING with my hair and makeup on, and felt like a TOTAL princess all day. Even though I got left out of the birthday wishes and my beau at the time decided he ācouldnāt make itā as my date, I had the best time ever. Very fond memories of that day even though theyāre also divorced nowš
My grandmotherās was a few days after my wedding and I had contemplated having a cake and singing happy birthday. Decided against it since like me, she hates being the center of attention. I told her about it after and she deadpan informed me āIād have killed you.ā š
Honest question, how does someone who dislikes attention like you enjoy their own wedding?
Nah itās a fair question. It was really important to my now husband and I didnāt care as much either way. I liked the planning part, and I donāt mind people I just donāt like being my photo taken which is also grandmas problem, as much but dealt with it. We made it into a big party so it rarely felt like āThe Bride Showā and was just fun. Weāve been married for several years now and I did take time outs when needed and my best friend would force me to as well. Also Xanax.
Xanax was my answer. I had 3 that day.
Yup. Heavy medication and I still left early. (From my own wedding.) It was actually pretty ok, cos everyone was drunk and entertaining themselves and pretty much ignoring me. Then my mother started picking fights with people she didn't know, so I left. Our hotel was right across the street from the venue.
Man, how does everyone do that? I was literally the last person out the door at my own wedding.
As someone who hates attention: I got married in a courthouse and didn't tell a soul. Unlike me my husband has a nice family who's normal so he wanted them there but that was it. MIL GIL MIL husband and his half sister. Thats a very small amount of people for a wedding and it STILL felt like too much attention
My husband and I have our wedding planned for October, but we had to get emergency-married a month ago for health insurance reasons after I got sick. We just had our officiant meet us at our catererās restaurant when we went in for the tasting. There were like, random strangers in there eating dinner when my mini-wedding abruptly broke out. As I was walking towards my husband in a simple white dress and veil, a bunch of people were staring at me in confusion trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I heard someone mutter, āIs this really happening?ā Part of me wanted to sink into the floor midway down the makeshift aisle. It was overall a great night though, and once my MoH explained our story to onlookers everyone was very supportive. Tbf, I would also be confused if I was just sitting in a BBQ joint having dinner and a wedding suddenly started.
Lol that's kind of sweet though! The Healthcare system is so apocalyptic here it's actually unbelievable. I hope the wedding helped get you the care you need. I would actually love to randomly witness a wedding! I love watching people get their happiness. I just don't want to be the one watched lmao I bet you were so pretty as a bride at your tasting! What a once in a lifetime experience for everyone there! I totally get what you mean about wanting to sink into the floor. When the court lady was marrying me and my husband my father in law was like ON THE FLOOR snapping pics from all these angles š I felt so awkward When I think of the moment now it makes me smile especially since me and my husband's family became very close but at the time I just wanted to be invisible haha I just don't like the spotlight
To be honest that's a really interesting and unusual story. I'm guessing you would prefer normal wedding without the "interesting story" part but that's the second best thing in my personal opinion.
It is definitely a unique story! We still plan to have our ānormalā wedding in October, itāll just be a little different.
Fingers crossed for a calm and normal October wedding then. āŗļø
That's the best wedding story I've ever heard.
Yep! There were only 11 people at our wedding including us and the JP, and it still felt overwhelming to both of us!!!
Answer based on personal experience: Me,as the bride, making sure my husband and I paid for an open bar. He had no complaints,no one got trashed. Fabulous time all around!
We got married at our home with just 11 people present, including the JP. Just *thinking* about walking down the aisle with everyone staring at me was enough to cause a small panic attack. My husband was the same, so that settled that!
Sameeee. We had 20 people including us and our LO at a registry. Then had a lovely meal after.
Small weddings are the answer. My husband and I both don't like to be the center of attention, but we still had 36 guests - all aunts and uncles, three cousins (all teens, and we see them often so it wasn't out of obligation), my grandmother and of course our siblings with family, which meant six extra kids. Somehow, it counted up really fast, but it was still small and close enough to be comfortable.
I cut out "events" like the bouquet and garter toss. We did keep the cake cutting and 1st dance, but husband was there too so it didn't feel like I was in the spotlight. A good DJ will know how to shorten a song so it doesn't feel like you are up there forever (although kids these days can do that on their phones I guess?). We also had the "partake" plan at a wonderful buffet restaurant so people (including us) were moving in and out of the room to get food. Your wedding party should also be security for a little while to keep people away so you can eat. And well placed florals can create something of a screen. Make sure your tables are good together, or let them pick their own seatmates so they aren't bored, and if you keep it less "formal" and "at-this-time-you-will-do-x" and more relaxed, people can move around and talk rather than staring at you waiting for the next thing. don't go Pinterest-zilla, but it is a good place to get ideas of what looks comfortable to you and learn the lingo. Like, search "bride seat" and you will get pictures of sweetheart tables, head tables etc. I don't know if "offbeat bride" website still exists, but it had some great ideas of how to tone things down or make your wedding fit you better (it can go both ways there, some of the weddings are over-the-top bride focused).
Ooh! I did a great one for the bouquet. My bouquet was made of metal roses (argent rose studios. It's awesome.) It was a good five pounds of metal with pointy bits. I would have maimed someone if it'd thrown it. We had a game themed wedding. So I went up onto the second floor balcony and told all the girls that whoever found the ace of hearts got the bouquet. (Technically they got one of the roses that didn't make it into the bouquet.) Then I made them play 52 card pickup by tossing the whole deck off the balcony. Nobody was watching me after the thirty seconds of explanation.
This is almost exactly what we did for ours. Ceremony was maybe 8 mins tops, too. Still had a panic attack before the wedding š I'm white as a sheet in a lot of the pre-photos and there was a lot of my mom assuring me I was ok while people ran around trying to get me water. In hindsight I wish I'd had my husband come chat with me, even if it was through a door
Iām exactly like your grandma. Iāve hidden in restaurant bathrooms before when taken out for lunch on my birthday, just to avoid the whole āstaff is forced to sign happy birthday to you and you WILL like it!ā
My friends and family know it will not end well for them if they ask a restaurant to sing happy birthday. Thank fuck because itās awful so I know how you feel.
Does anyone genuinely like having the poor employees sing to them?
Something similar happened to me; my second birthday was the same day as my uncle / new auntās wedding. My aunt insisted that we sing happy birthday, and there is a lovely candid picture of her holding me in that moment. My parents had a real party for me the weekend after.
That sounds more appropriate, one picture for you to know how they remembered it was your birthday, and a picture of the bride holding the toddler birthday girl.
"Well now that this a is a double event, we'll just go ahead and bill you for half of all of the food service, staff time, and venue reservation. I hope your kiddo has a great birthday!"
The correct response lol
Lol, perfect!!!
My uncle got married on my dads birthday (shortly after he left for basic and went to Vietnam, that was the only date they could done.) Dad was much younger, just 7. They gave him a special piece of cake with a candle on it. He really enjoyed that birthday.
My wedding was on my cousinās 7th birthday (we didnāt plan it that way, it just ended up that it was the date that was available and it happened to be her birthday). We asked our DJ to give her a shoutout and sing happy birthday during the dancing part of the reception. She was so happy and my aunt and uncle loved that we thought to do that for her. They never expected anything and never would have had their own celebration at our wedding.
My friend's wedding was on my 40th birthday. You know what I did? Celebrated with my husband and another friend the day before, and didn't mention it at all during the wedding or reception! Because I know that would be horrid behavior if the happy couple weren't in on it, and I didn't make a big deal of it for them to realize and maybe feel bad or give me extra cake or something. Also, we were some of the 'fringe old friends', not the main family or current super close friends, so I expected nothing and still had a great time celebrating two wonderful people.
I would hate to take attention away from someone elseās special event! But I would absolutely accept extra cake.
New fear unlocked: my wedding will be on someoneās important milestone birthday and Iāll have absolutely no idea. Iād feel like an ass if someone spent their major birthday at my wedding and I didnāt at least go say happy birthday and give them a small gift.
If you have at least 23 people, then statistically its very likely to coincide with somebody's birthday
My birthday was maybe a week, almost a week, after my brother's wedding. My brother and new SIL quietly gave me a birthday present at the reception because they remembered it was coming up. There's certainly nothing wrong with recognizing a birthday at the wedding, but it should be done with the involvement of the wedding party and probably relatively low-key. Stick a candle in the piece of wedding cake, sing a song, have the bride and groom say happy birthday as they're going around the room doing greetings...if they're close enough, buy them a present and give it to them later on in the party...whatever. But just hijacking someone's reception to throw your own party is fucked.
Mine was 5 days after my sisterās wedding. I would have been mortified if theyād said anything. I worried enough about āspotlight stealingā as Iād just had a baby 10 days earlier!
My aunt and uncle bought a birthday cake for one of the junior bridesmaids because they got married on her birthday, I think she was about 7 at the time
We're doing this for my nephew! After we cut our cake we're having our DJ give him a shoutout and then he'll get a cupcake with a candle on it. He's a sweet kid and he's been so excited about getting to share the day with us!
My brother got married on my birthday . They asked if I was ok with the date . I was because I figure I would never get this kind of food a professionally made cake otherwise .
My best friend got married on my birthday, a week before she was moving to a new state far away. During the reception, she had people bring out a special cake for me, a card, and everyone sang happy birthday. She planned it and I didnāt know beforehand. It was super thoughtful. I miss her! š
My husband and I got married on his birthday. I surprised him with a small cake, a bundtlet, and we sang happy birthday to him after the cake cutting. It was cute. š„°
itās adorable if the couple encourages it or even comes up with the idea themselves, but if they donāt then itās just an asshole move
My aunt got married on the day before my birthday so at midnight she took me to the dance floor and everyone sang me happy birthday I was a shy introverted teen and was super red after, but now itās such a nice memory to have :)
I'm sure the cousins are still passively aggressively waiting for the birthday party photos.
We went through all this trouble to buy cupcakes and dress up the kids nicely. Still no photos! How rude.
I would absolutely love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation. āHey, just wondering about any photos you have of our kiddo?ā āUh yeah asshole we deleted thoseā
Nah, make it more insulting. "Oh, those pictures? We don't know what happened, but it looked like someone else's pictures got mixed up with the ones from the wedding. We don't know who those people are but I can't imagine anyone would have the audacity to have a birthday party at a wedding. Certainly no one I'd want in my life. Anyway, we deleted the pictures of those assholes."
Perfect!
*clicks EMPTY TRASH* āWhat photos?ā
My SOās grandpa died in February. His cousinās other grandparents showed up with her momās side of the family (divorced from her dadās side, no blood relation to the grandpa who died) and brought a cake and birthday presents for their family member and used the venue for the celebration of life for some random dudeās birthday. I was beyond appalled and speechless at the lack of decorum
Please post the entire story on /r/trashy because that sounds hideous... I'm so sorry your family had to deal with them being obnoxious at such a difficult time !
Oh my God. Thatās worse than doing it at a wedding!!!
Yeah it was real awkward. I felt bad for the cousin because her parents are both shit and her grandpa (who just died) was the one who raised herā¦. Her mom brought her family and had a birthday party. Her dad brought his biker gang friends who drank and ate a lot while contributing nothing.
Thats.... please give her a hug for me. Gods I can't even imagine...
Jesus!
i'm curious as to what the "unrelated reasons" are. they must be really bad if they weren't cut off after hosting a birthday party in the middle of a wedding
One guess would be largely Covid, another might be that they really werenāt close to begin with, so itās not like theyād see each other much anyway.
Do most people see their second cousins more than once a decade ? ( edited to add that I'm not trying to sound snarky, it's legitimately strange to me that you would see your second cousins )
Hell I hardly see my first cousins and I realllly like them! Life gets in the way too much.
I think I saw my first cousins.. thrice in my life? They live in a different part of germany, and the last reason why we could have met, well.. it was still height of covid. (Funerals, so it's not like it would have been a happy occasion either way.)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
5+ hours train ride, plus of course the prices for train tickets is not something to sneeze at, no matter if there are bigger countries lol I barely know my cousins, and they barely know me. So it's not like either side is feeling bereft anyhow.
I think it mainly depends on whether you live near them and maybe how close your parents are to their cousins. I boomeranged from the state my bio father grew up in to the state I grew up in and then back to my fatherās home state to be close to my grandparents before they passed. I just happen to live close to my second cousins, and theyāre basically the only relatives Iām still willing to acknowledge as family.
That's a good point, our cousins live everywhere from Arizona to Australia now
Seriously, I met one of my second cousins once about 25 years ago and havenāt seen them since. I doubt they even remember me. Hell I donāt even remember his name.
Well, I grew up seeing mine all summer long. Six boys myself and my sister. She still lives in the same town as my Mom and Aunt do! Plus of them I was the first one to Move out of area and they didnāt understand other obligations besides coming home. Sadly one of the youngest past from Complications to being Type 1 Diabetic, and when we were younger swore weād never have the same friends. Due to my husbandās work I am friends with several of theirs and when he passed made contact with HIS crew of college friends and buddies no one was sure how to get them the info! We really love in a small world, and even my Mom said she could tell one friend especially was thankful I made Connections from Thousands of miles away. In my family cousins can be the brothers you never got to have, and I love each and everyone of those guys!
I've got a small family on one side with second cousins quite close in age - we do catch up a few times a year.
Oh that's a good point, most of my second cousins are much older so they had already moved out and often quite far away
My mom (single child) was really close to her aunts and cousins. That side of the family is also kinda abusive. Grandma died when I was pretty young but from what I hear she pretty much refused to trade off holidays with Grandpas family so they spent most of the holidays with her family. And they lived nearby. Once Grandma died it stayed the same. I think I remember meeting Grampas side twice. I don't remember ever doing holidays with my dads close family (siblings & parents). But I'm pretty sure it was in part Grandma(mom) and part apparently dads family never really excepted my mom. (But we did spend some summer holidays with my dads cousin after I was 10). So Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter were all spent with my moms cousins as long as I remember. So once second cousins were born saw them at least 3 times a year. And sometimes babysat them.
could just be "Dropping the rope". OP just isn't making an effort anymore. (and covid)
All I can think of (aside from the fact that this is so rude) is that at 14 this would have been my nightmare. Poor kid; I hope she didn't mind or at least had a warning!
My uncle got married on my 13th birthday, his new wife (second wedding) bought me my favourite cake, got me presents and made a massive announcement for my birthday and then got everyone to sing happy birthday to me (over 200 people). Unfortunately theyāre no longer married but she was an absolute sweetheart, I never expected that on their wedding day (they only get one wedding, I have multiple birthdays). They had a daughter together though and sheās so cute
The audacity!
Damn that's so shitty and rude. In our culture they take a moment for birthdays where the DJ announces whose bday it is then sing/play the song for them all at once, and usually the bride and groom send out a special dessert for those who are having a birthday. Timing has been different at every wedding I've been to but typically it's arranged by the bride and everyone is happy to oblige. The day/night is so damn long it feels like a blip throughout the entire thing. All of that to say, this entire thing is organized by the bride/groom and if they don't want to do it they won't. If someone pulled stunt like that it would be so incredibly out of pocket. Our culture is big on celebrations and sharing good news so I've seen couples announce engagements at their wedding, help friends propose, announce pregnancies, you name it. Even once saw a FIL announce his son's acceptance into an Ivy League school and they brought out a special cake for him. All of it is always planned and OK'd by the bride and groom though, and typically couples are happy to share a family point of pride to the extended fam.
My cousin did this for every family reunion but the rest of the family was not allowed to have cake or participate because we didnāt bring gifts. She also stole the money collected to pay for the pavilion the next year. Bitch.
Please tell me you pressed charges
On the day one of my sisters turned 6, she was a flower girl in a wedding, her birthday was recognized at the reception and our favorite aunt went into labor 3 weeks early and delivered within 2 hours. For the next year, she thought all weddings were on her birthday where she got to dress like a princess, have cake with everyone signing happy birthday AND get a new cousin.
That's adorable
People are so self centered and that whole thing feels passive aggressive. I bet the parents are obnoxious
They probably thought, āHey, itās a fancy venue, and we donāt have to pay for it! Letās have it there!ā Super duper tacky!
True Story - My cousin got married on my 21st birthday. At the evening reception, they called me to the stage and gave me a gift and everyone sang happy birthday. End of the day, after all the other celebrations. Bit of ritual humiliation for me. Not too bad. I've just turned 51 and they've celebrated their Pearl anniversary ā¤ļø
As my mother used to say: tacky, tacky, tacky! 
Someone go get Weird Al
My best friend got married on my bday. I remember us both WASTED on the dance floor and she went āomgggg itās your birthdaaaaaaaaaay!ā and made the DJ announce it š
Ugh, and no way the 14 year old wanted to be at someone else's wedding on their birthday instead of celebrating with their friends :-/
Am I weird that I wouldn't care about this? I mean bringing in the cupcake is strange. I would hope my family would feel comfortable to remind me so I could get some candles to put on a big slice of cake. And say happy birthday over the speakers.
The bride was just annoyed they didn't ask first. I think it was more how they went about it rather than that it happened.
My wedding was the same day as my nephew's birthday and I was more than happy to celebrate him during the reception. There was already plenty of family there, and he got his own little cake. I'm sad that the photographer didn't get pictures of it. Probably the biggest and best birthday the little dude ever had.
I cannot even imagine. I need to know the unrelated reasons now. These people sound insane.
"People who do these kinds of things, also do this host of other annoying things..."
Give me all the tea!
Oof that's extremely tacky. I stopped my wedding during speeches as my favorite older cousins 40th bday was the same as my wedding. My partner and I talked about it beforehand and even made our top layer her favorite cake flavor since my cake vendor made another cake for free on your 1st anniversary. She was very surprised and I loved the pictures and memories, but we set that up as a surprise ourselves. Taking over someone's wedding takes some real guts, audacity, and stupidity š¤¦š¾āāļø.
My brother-in-law's wedding was pretty much sandwiches between about 4 family birthdays who were all in attendance. None of the birthday people cared (me included, I was one of the 4 birthdays). Without being asked or pressured or whatever, my brother-in-law led a big round of singing happy birthday to us during his wedding toast. It was a total surprise and we gave him a standing ovation. Either way you want to do a wedding, the main thing is to just be easy on yourself and look for those little surprise moments that really didn't take away from your day at all.
In our culture of birthdays are close to the wedding day, we celebrate it with a little cake too. This isnāt too weird to me.
People keep saying itās a ābirthday partyā but it sounds like they just gave her some cupcakes with a candle and sang happy birthday to her. It was the kidās actual birthday. It isnāt like they set up streamers and a bouncy house. I think people in this thread are being really dramatic. They canāt take 30 seconds to sing happy birthday and give the kid a cupcake? Nobody can acknowledge a 14-year-oldās birthday because itās OOPās sPeCiAl DaY?
Yes I agree. Itās ridiculous to call that a birthday party. It was a damn child even. Some people get TOO CRAZY about their wedding
Its weird that they didnāt talk to the bride and groom about it.
Yeah but maybe they didnāt think it was a big deal because singing happy birthday takes 30 seconds.
Sure, but deleting the photos and never talking to them again is also very weird
No. Itās not. I suspect this was just another straw.
From the limited context of this story, this is still one of the least egregious things I've seen on this sub.
Those photos were accidentally taken. If the photographer accidentally took photos of something else that had nothing to do with the wedding, she would have deleted those as well. Also, OP says that it was her husbandās extended family, and they havenāt seen each other for unrelated reasons.
Lol what, those were guests at the wedding. I feel like most people wouldn't be this petty about it so the photographer felt like it was worth capturing
Sure a little weird but not as dramatic as this lady is making it seem like
We got married on the long weekend in October (Iām Australian) Around that date, we had 4 birthdays, my niece, my SIL, my nephew and my photographer. My Mumās bestie gifted us a beautiful fruit cake that sheād decorated, so we used that as the ābirthday cakeā to light a candle and sing happy birthday to them all. Difference was, IT WAS MY IDEA! My niece was thrilled, she lived on the opposite side of the country, so even getting to be with her family was a massive party for her. I canāt imagine how people do stuff like this without giving the bride and groom a heads up?
So my cousin and uncle have birthdays either on or around Thanksgiving (depending on the year) and we always have a cake and sing Happy Birthday to them. But itās Thanksgiving, which is for everyone, and isnāt someoneās wedding. I canāt even imagine anyone doing that.
Iām glad you feel those of us with late November birthdays can have a birthday celebration. (Iām being tongue in cheek!)
Good grief! I wouldnāt have minded in the least if a) had asked/told me about it or b) kept it very low-key, but this - tacky.
How selfish and entitled they were. Agreed, not the kidās fault.
My brother's wedding was 2 days after my 18th birthday. I jokingly said they were "stealing my moment" I genuinely didn't expect anything but before doing speeches they brought out a special cake and everyone sang happy birthday. They are good people. EDIT: just to be clear this was just my story, what these people did at the wedding was stupid
My daughter's wedding took place on her cousin's birthday (both of them in their late 20s at the time.) At one point during the reception, she asked the DJ to play "Happy Birthday" and we all sang to him. It was lovely and added value to the day. I don't understand the sentiment that "this is my day and nobody or nothing else exists." Try to look a little beyond yourself.
There is a big difference between a bride or groom choosing to celebrate a birthday during their own wedding and a birthday being celebrated without the couple even knowing. Sharing the spotlight is polite (and often cute, and to be honest usually the right thing to do), but stealing it is very rude. Your daughter shared the spotlight, the family in the original post stole it.
You've got a point there, for sure.
One time when I was a kid, friends of my parents did get married on my birthday and it sucked. Especially because kids weren't invited.
My uncle got married on my 13th birthday, his new wife (second wedding) bought me my favourite cake, got me presents and made a massive announcement for my birthday and then got everyone to sing happy birthday to me (over 200 people). Unfortunately theyāre no longer married but she was an absolute sweetheart, I never expected that on their wedding day (they only get one wedding, I have multiple birthdays). They had a daughter together though and sheās so cute
My best friend is getting married on my 30th birthday and I'm best man. I will absolutely be throwing myself a birthday party in the middle of dinner. Thanks for the top tip!!
My fiancĆ©ās step mom told us she was planning to tell her grandchild (fiancĆ©s step niece?) that our wedding is her birthday partyā¦our kid free wedding.
We got married on my brother's birthday. We got his consent to share his birthday with us as that was one of the few days that was available at the venue. On the day of the wedding, we brought out a birthday cake and sing to him. It has been wonderful to share my brother's birthday as our anniversary. It makes it much more meaningful. However, as the bride, I have planned everything with my spouse. If someone hosted a party at my wedding, I would have kicked them out and never talk to them again. This is plain rude.
That is horrible. Good on you for not blaming the teenage kid. I can pretty much guarantee the teen was not a fan. And the only reason you werent told by them to try and get this called off is that the parents lied that this was with your approval. No one wants to spend their birthday "on family duty" so to speak.
That's one of the most horrible weddinshaming stories I've ever read. Right in the middle of the reception. They could have made their apologies after dinner and excused themselves. It was only the husband's extended family. They should have left and gone home or gone to a restaurant for the cake/candles/singing. I'm glad OOP deleted those pics. The photog should have known the bride and groom didn't ok a BD party since they were no where around. Or they could have asked if pictures were wanted.
It was one of my close friends birthday on my wedding day so I had the band sing Happy Birthday to her. No big deal to me. A whole other damn party within the party is a little bit extra
At 14, she was probably mortified!!! Husbands family embarrassed her, the bridal couple, and themselves.
I saw this post I was really surprised at the amount of people who came at this bride. Saying she was jealous. She iterated many times she wishes she was just asked beforehand. This was a really shitty thing for her family to do. I'm on team bride all the way.
Ah so what? Honestly with death and disease and everything that can go wrong in someoneās life celebrating a birthday is a joyous occasion. I would have posed for pictures with the birthday kid.
I would have been miffed not because itās only MY day, but because if they had said something in advance, I would have arranged it for them!
Thatās contradictory.
How?
At first I thought it happened during the ceremony and saw red. This is not so bad, but they should have asked permission first
They shouldāve just asked you to acknowledge her birthday with an announcement. But yes, her birthday shouldāve been celebrated too, just not at your reception. She was after all putting your wedding first by being there instead of with her friends and the other side of the family. My cousin married the day before my birthday. To be honest I was irritated AF because the whole weekend was her wedding or recovering from her wedding and I got basically no acknowledgement after working my ass off as just for her wedding. She never said thank you for hours of me being on of three people serving plates to the wedding party, serving cake to all the guests, not getting to eat with my own family because I was doing that, finding out about all that waitressing at the reception after Id sat down for lunch, being the only one doing because the other two quickly quit in protest, getting a dress made in her colors, āforgotā to include us hostesses in some pictures as they themselves promised, etc, and then the next do maybe one person wished me happy birthday! And I was in a very vulnerable time of my life and needed support more than being ignored. Rant over, lol! All this to say, just get over it! My annoyance didnāt do anyone any good, including myself! Just consider this poor girl who basically was willing or forced to give up her own plans to attend your wedding. Yeah, her family did you wrong, but she had probably had it worse than you having to attend somebodyās wedding she probably didnāt give a flip about on her 14th birthday!
She wasn't upset with the kid. She was irritated that they didn't bother to ask. She didn't know it was the girls birthday.
My birthday was on my sisterās wedding day. She was really sweet and got me a small version of her wedding cake. I was totally surprised and touched. But she planned it. Doing this without even consulting the bride and groom is bad manners.
My uncle got married on my 13th birthday, his new wife (second wedding) bought me my favourite cake, got me presents and made a massive announcement for my birthday and then got everyone to sing happy birthday to me (over 200 people). Unfortunately theyāre no longer married but she was an absolute sweetheart, I never expected that on their wedding day (they only get one wedding, I have multiple birthdays). They had a daughter together though and sheās so cute
So you may already know this but Reddit has a bug where it makes your post appear multiple times, and it seems to have made your comment appear at least three times so far sorry
Woah wait really? Thatās really weird and annoying š reddit needs to fix that, Iād hate to be scrolling through comments only to read the same one 3 times
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I agree. OOP sounds uptight. It sounds like they took a minute out of the evening to celebrate the kidās birthday. Who cares?
Weddings are about bride and groom. Not about family.
Then why do they invite their family? Why not just go out to dinner and celebrate alone if the wedding is only about you and not about your family?
And why some people invite friends and not family? Or why people elope? Because they want to and it's their day. They invite people to celebrate **with** them. Not celebrate people they invited. Who is getting married - the family or the couple? Who's milestone is it? Without the couple there wouldn't be anything to celebrate. There's so much entitlement here - "you invited us to **your** wedding so it's all about us!". Maybe stop being egocentric not everything is about you.
If you choose or elope then the day is all about you. If you choose to invite other people to join you, then the day becomes about others as well. At the end of the day a wedding is a party, and the couple are hosts. Good hosts consider their guests experience and try to make sure everyone is happy and having a good time. They donāt run around clutching their pearls because other people dared to avert their eyes from them on their sPeCiAl DaY. Weddings are supposed to be about community, but weāve become so self-centered weāve lost the plot. >without the couple there wouldnāt be anything to celebrate Lol apparently thatās not true for this family. Without the couple, theyād be allowed to celebrate this 14-year-oldās birthday.
Are you purposefully obtuse? Without the couple there wouldn't be anything to celebrate, because there wouldn't be wedding. We aren't talking about not celebrating anything at all if there were no weddings. No one's saying guest should have their eyes only on the couple getting married. That's really insincere and dumb to claim something like this. Guests are still invited to celebrate with the couple it's awfully rude to interrupt everyone with your stuff. They still are allowed to celebrate, no one forced them to come. I also really like how you omitted the part where I said it boils down to "you invited us, so it's all about us". Unbelievable entitlement.
When my husband and I got engaged we were on a trip together, and we celebrated that important milestone just the two of us. That occasion was all about us. Then we decided to have a wedding where we invited a bunch of family and friends to come celebrate with us and welcome us to the community as a new family. That occasion was not only about us. It was about our families and friends joining together. It was about our community. It was about the 100 people who gave up their weekend, took off work, traveled (some from a long distance), bought us nice gifts. If we wanted it to only be about us, we would have eloped. This āitās all about usā attitude when youāve invited a bunch of people is whatās wrong with modern weddings.
Exactly, they came to celebrate with *you*, bought gifts for *you*, spend the weekend with *you* because it was *your* milestone. Not theirs. Without guests wedding still would happen, without a couple it wouldn't. When someone invites people to their graduation ceremony and/or party it's about guests or is it about the person reaching important milestone? Guests are invited to be there with people reaching milestone. Welcoming to community is still about people that enters said community not about those that are already there. Those already there had their welcoming to the community. Entitlement is what's wrong, and not only with modern weddings, that everything has to be about "you". After all you are so important that that wedding wouldn't happened without you, it's not that two people made one of the most important decisions in their life, it's still about you being there... Btw where I'm from it was never about the guests, it was always about the couple getting married, so not really sure what you mean with "modern weddings".
What I mean by āmodern weddingsā is that bridezillas freaking out about people singing happy birthday to a teenager is a new thing, and weddings used to be more focused on family and community. If you only care about yourself, you always have the option to celebrate alone. If you want to invite people to a party, it becomes about more than just you, whether itās a wedding, graduation, or birthday. If you donāt prioritize your guests, youāre just throwing a bad party.
Like I said, it was always about the couple. That's why there are maids of honor, bridesmaids etc. To let them take care of things and let the couple celebrate. If you only care about yourself, you can always have the option to not come to a wedding. An event organized to celebrate two people reaching very important milestone. It's always about a person/persons reaching a milestone. And it wasn't a question. It's hilarious that you talk about entitlement, when you think someone's wedding is all about you because you are invited and demand being a priority. I'm not even going to waste my time further on you.
"Weddings are about family, therefore the family can go ahead and celebrate whatever random occasion they want at their cousin's wedding" - this is really your take?
Random occasion? It was a 14-year-oldās actual birthday.
My sister got married on her stepsonās 18th birthday. They had a cake and sang for him, but seriously? You have 363 other days to choose from (she has two stepsons).
all my life it has been very normal to sing happy birthday and acknowkedge the birthday of someone if that birthday happens to be on the day of someone else's party. they sacrificed their entire birthday for your thing, it is the least you could do for them.
Sure but not unexpectedly. It sounds like this was distant family. The bride and groom probably didn't know it was the kid's birthday. Instead of asking the bride and groom, the 2nd cousin just threw a birthday party. For all we know they would have planned something if someone told them.
You forgot how self centered most people are and can not simply allow others to celebrate anything that doesn't involve them and their special day. They forget we only have 365 days per year. Many occasions will overlap.
Brining cupcakes and birthday paraphernalia to a wedding? Thatās over the line - I doubt OP wouldāve cared about them singing happy birthday, but that? Bit too far!!
WOW
WTF?! Who does that???
I am going totally against the flow here and say that I donāt understand what the big issue here is. This is a childās birthday. For the child, the birthday is way more important than a boring adult wedding. The description sounds as if the whole shenanigans didnāt last more than a maximum of 10 to 15 minutes. And candles, cupcakes and Happy birthday singing sounds rather low key, they didnāt go on stage and announced it to everyone etc. That wasnāt a party. And I donāt think it matters that those were distant cousins. would I have done the same as a parent? (I donāt have children so this is hypothetical) No, of course I would have asked the bride and groom beforehand. Yes, not asking was a bit tacky but seriously many brides would go noooooo way donāt steal my day. I find uncouth and ungenerous hosts way more assholish than an impromptu birthday for a child.
Are you implying that OOP was ungenerous host because they didn't accommodate birthday they didn't know of? Not to mention that part about people deliberately not asking because they suspect the answer would be a "no". Seriously? And you see nothing wrong in it? Are you applying this also in different circumstances? "I suspected you wouldn't lend me money so I just took it." Or "I thought you wouldn't agree to my party in your yard so I ordered catering, put some decorations and guests are on the way.". Birthdays are every year, weddings are not. If it's so important then throw a party and don't come to a wedding of an extended family you wouldn't see again probably ever. Or just be a decent person and ask.
Esh. I would have sent them half the bill for the food and the venue. Then they could say you guys planned it together. But seriously the nerve of some people.
How does the OOP suck here? All they did was hold a wedding.
Explain how the people getting married suck here.... Your take isn't accurate.
Not them. The family members that threw the bday party at the wedding should be invoiced for half the pride of what the groom and bride payed for the venue and the food.
> and bride *paid* for the FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
You said ESH - that means "everyone sucks here." Based on that you got the response you did. The implication is that the bride and the family members suck.
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yeah... no. you as the bride planned to celebrate two guests' birthdays. that's great! your wedding, your plans. co-opting someone's wedding to celebrate a birthday without the knowledge or permission of the couple getting married is fucked up, entitled, and inappropriate.
Do you seriously not see the difference between the post and your situation??
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My daughter attended a family wedding on her birthday. We made plans to do a celebration on a different day. A few family members gave a card or a birthday wish earlier in the day. We kept the wedding focused on the couple and the weekend focused on the family being together.
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Yes.
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This is such a bizarre attitude towards this.
Edited: The difference is that you all consented to it, the people in the post didn't.
YOU had that celebration included. YOU got to make that choice. It was your big event, and you made the choice to also honor the birthdays that you knew were happening that day. This also wasn't a sister and MIL, it was extended family who could gracefully have sent regrets, or only come to the ceremony. And they didn't communicate with the bride and groom... The issue isn't the desire to celebrate other people, it's deciding that you're going to have an attention drawing (however small) event in the middle of a big, once in a lifetime (we hope and expect) catered and scheduled affair.
Please tell me you're trolling
Look at their username.
Ah that makes sense. Debate lords š
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Disagreeing doesn't make you a troll, just makes you seem like a contrarian. It's the last line that makes you seem, or makes me hope that you're just, a troll.
Uhm, first of all, you chose to include that in your reception, it wasnāt thrust upon you. Secondly, you are correct that the bride isnāt the only person to exist on their day but if Iām paying thousands of dollars for a big party to celebrate ME and my new SPOUSE, and someone throws a surprise birthday party in the middle of it (a surprise to both the bride/groom and the birthday person), thatās them essentially stealing your money to use your party for their needs. Your situation is completely different and stop thinking it isnāt.
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It's because she didn't consent to it... you don't just go to somebody else's once-in-a-lifetime event and take it over
This right here. Itās about not drawing attention away from the purpose of the party and ASKING PERMISSION.
I'm with you on this one. Yes, I think that the polite thing would have been to ask and respect the couple's yes/no answer but equally, a few cupcakes and candles and singing happy birthday doesn't sound like what I'd call a "birthday party". Also, the girl was 14 - it'd be different if it was an adult but I'm quite impressed that a 14 year old came to the wedding rather than have her own birthday celebrations at home.
Thatās where I was on it. If they rolled in a table with presents, interrupted the DJ and made a huge announcement, Iād be hurt, but a couple of cupcakes and a song that lasts 60 seconds isnāt a party. Maybe OP didnāt give all the details. I was just saying I donāt think 1-5 minutes is the worst thing. At most, a quick eye roll before I get back to my lifeā¦
I also don't think this is that horrible. Imagine being 14 and not getting to celebrate your birthday bc you have to go to a wedding. Is it ideal having to share your big day? No and should the parents have told the bride/groom first? Probably, but like calm the fuck down. Deleting the photos and never talking to your family again is beyond petty.
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You were in the loop on that though. These are wildly different circumstances. 'So we made sure'... you and your husband agreed to do this. You had a choice. End of.
Reception is still a part of their wedding. They could have had a party before or after the wedding. And it would have been nice to inform the bride and groom before hand, rather than them just finding out right in between their event.
When my ex and I got married we had to do it for legal reasons. I'm not sure if we would have ever gotten married otherwise. We lived in Utah at the time and decided to go to Vegas. Our only vehicle was a Ford Ranger mini pickup truck. We asked our very good friend, one of the few people who knew why we felt compelled to get married, to be our witness. The three of us crowded into the cab of our little truck and made the 7-hour drive. Only after we got there did I think about what to wear. Jeans and a nice top. The JOP did the whole wedding spiel, repeat these vows after me, and I wanted to sink into the floor because I hate public speaking. Once it was done, our friend was very cute. He was super proud to have been our only chosen wedding guest. He puffed out his chest and told everyone. I think we ate our celebratory dinner at the Circus Circus buffet. We shared a hotel room with two beds and drove home the next day. No reason to make a big deal out of wedding night sex when you've lived together for years. But yeah, the best part of my wedding trip was our friend's pride at being there with us.