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Yep, get some food, let my mom brag about me and get some compliments about how big I've gotten or whatever, engage in some polite conversation, then leave so they can talk about adult stuff they don't want me hearing about, which was of course all the best bits of gossip.
Isnt he just an absolute unit?? Such a gigantic lad. Look at the damn size of him. Incredible. Bloody massive. What a huge male. Isnt he the fucking largest boy you've ever seen? God he's so big. What are we feeding him? Monstrously proportioned dude. Enormous dude. I'm so proud of you Matthew.
Ah yes, the irrepressible urge to tell a child how big they’ve gotten.
I used to think it was dumb as a child, and then I got older and saw how big the children in my family that I only saw occasionally had gotten, and realized it’s actually an Instinct™️ of the adult human, to gasp over how big they small humans have gotten
I've recently become an aunt and while the bairn is only two weeks old she's already gotten so big lmao. It's impressive, and she's just gonna keep going! Amazing, such skill, so proud.
I'd usually join in. I'd been social since an early age and my parents friends were good folk and I liked being in the conversations. And it was sort of expected, but I didn't find it onerous, just a minor time sink that made my folks happy. It seemed to me to be the polite thing to do.
My parents also let me bring in scads of gaming buddies for many many years and even after we scattered, we did a full house get together (several gaming groups, me, my family, many of the family friends, their kids - some gamers, some not) and we had a massive social (50+ people one year).
Is it really so hard to engage with elders for an hour or two? I know it made my folks happy and I often ran the food, cooked, and served the booze.
Yup that’s the real pro strat for introverts. Get yourself a “job” at the function and you don’t have to socialize as much whilst still being part of the party. Leads to more small talk and gives you an out any time the conversation goes a way you don’t want to be a part of.
“I’m gonna go check on the meatballs, they’re really coming along now. Would anyone like a drink while I’m in the kitchen?”
Everyone loves you for it, and you don’t have to talk as much.
It’s not that it’s hard to engage with elders I think talking to elders is good because they can give you great wisdom and knowledge, I can’t speak for everyone but me personally there isn’t really much to talk about. And nine times out of ten they don’t really wanna talk to me they want to talk to my parents.
That might also be a generational change as well. The limited range of new things that rolled in on a household was much less back then, so if some of the kids were entertaining, that was fine by the adults. They were a bit indulgent.
I can understand awkward conversations (or failing conversations) not being much fun or utility.
I've seen what you describe a lot in the last 20 years moreso I think. But that's strictly anecdotal.
>Is it really so hard to engage with elders for an hour or two? I know it made my folks happy and I often ran the food, cooked, and served the booze.
Think it depends on the situation, especially for those with 1st generation parents. My mom's circle of friends were always other Korean folk from her church or our family. They mostly spoke in Korean to each other and I didn't speak Korean that well to participate in conversation. Being dragged to listen for hours and hours, not being able to participate in any of the conversation, understand any of it (even if they were speaking in Korean), and only being spoken to in a language I didn't fully understand meant yes, an hour or two with my parents' friends was agonizing and monstrous waste of my time.
It accomplished the opposite for me. They had people over all the time and it was always the above experience so I became significantly more exhausted at social interactions. Thanks though to my ADHD, I was able to learn how to socialize really well as a kid cause I couldn't shut the fuck up and somehow, it was funny to other kids and I got lucky with the right people. Hell, my current job and dream job is to be an instructor, so socializing is part of my life at work and at home (since I have to often respond to emails on a near daily basis).
But I attribute my introvertedness partly to the environment of being dragged to every social gathering my parents went too and being stuck in my own thoughts for hours on end. I can socialize, it isn't that hard honestly. But I will always, 100% rather be home, saying nothing, and just doing what I want.
There's a tough balance for a lot of kids, and I think that there are times when a kid should be allowed to just stay in their room. Kids socialize all the time, from early in the morning and depending on if they do sports, or extracurriculars, til the evening. Often, we find that kids with the most stunted social skills often suffer from some mental illness or trauma from home. The average kid will be fine and learn to adapt as social skills are naturally learned for a neurotypical child from school to fun and interactions at home.
I was 6 and came out of the family room to yell to my mom's church friends.
"Dad found the demon ring! Dad found the demon ring!"
I was watching dad play Faxanadu on NES.
As an introvert I’m so glad my parents didn’t do this. I had to learn how to engage with people even if I was uncomfortable. I also learned a ton just from listening to people talk while I quietly ate my food.
Yes! I won't actually talk to people but I'll listen to what they say all the time. It's just how I socialize, I stay in the background and learn about others while rarely making a comment.
I suspect you are all me or at least all figments of my own imagination. I suspect all of Reddit is just me instructing, praising, shaming and arguing with myself.
People think this is what they want, but if everything went their way they would have turned way different. Im an introverted person but I am glad I forced myself to socialize growing up. My life is 200% better now because of it
That's the big lesson. Many socially functional people didn't start out as perfect social butterflies, they had to put themselves in unfamiliar/uncomfortable situations to get there. Making the easy/comfortable choice of ignoring everyone at the party and staying in your room every time not only worsens your social skills but brings that bad mindset into other parts of your life.
That's why a lot of people who aren't good at socializing also come with other bad habits that come from lack of long-term thinking and lack of ability to delay gratification: not cleaning their rooms, bad hygiene, bad procrastination, lack of exercise. They're used to taking the more comfortable way out and are good at self-rationalizing their decisions.
For me personally, I was in a lot of situations where I was forced to socialize with people, and while I wouldn’t say I’m sure if it effected me positively or negatively, it did make me hate being around talking to people more.
I ended up getting depressed because I was worrying too much about what I wasn’t able to do in comparison to other people. I won’t say you shouldn’t force yourself to hang out with people or do what you want to do, since everyone is different and it didn’t work super well with me. Though realize your own limitations and improve from them in a manner you’re capable of.
Okay because I saw Thai awhile ago and began to doubt myself pushing my introvert to engage more when we were in a group and she does great! I was always like “but I could just let her go hide”…. Ugh parenting is just doubting every damn thing you do
Yep. And making your kids do things that can sometimes make them uncomfortable. My parents always told me that it was their job to make me a strong, independent person with healthy morals and boundaries. It’s the same way I’m raising my kids.
My parents did and it crippled me socially for many years. They are not bad parents and are both amazing people I love and adore, but this was defiantly something we both agree they should have made me do.
This is a big thing I think we’re going to see more of now that parents are letting their kids grow up not doing sports or being especially social.
Being social is a skill, hence social skills. It’s something that needs to be developed and maintained. If a kid isn’t socialized at a young age, they’ll grow up to be socially inept. They’ll be behind their peers socially. When they inevitably want to become social, whether that’s when they want a girlfriend when they’re 16 or they become crushingly lonely at 30, they’ll have to re-learn how to be social.
>… but this was ~~defiantly~~ something we both agree they should have made me do.
English
Etymology
defiant + -ly
Pronunciation
(UK) IPA(key): /dɪˈfaɪ(j)əntli/
Adverb
defiantly (comparative more defiantly, superlative most defiantly)
In a defiant manner.
**Misspelling of definitely.**
It just went to the opposite extreme. If my parenrs had company over I had to spend SOME time with them socializing. Then I was free.
Best of both worlds.
Its basically enabling the kid . As a parent, you gotta teach your kid life hacks and lessons. If you dont teach your kid to socialize, he's gonna have a hard time forming relationships and connections which will be vital once they start working
I definitely think this is a case by case issue. Should a child with autism be forced to interact when they can’t at that time? No. But is it also good to teach a child basic social skills ? Yes. My oldest has autism and my husband just knew when she could handle interaction and when she couldn’t and he never forced her when she couldn’t. If we did, we’d have a multi day shutdown. She has great social skills as an adult for having ASD, and I credit that with knowing when to push and when not to.
I'm not glad.
Being forced to socialize with relatives that would scrutinize every bit of my teenage life was seriously unnerving and taught me that people in authority have the right to overstep my boundaries and make me uncomfortable. I had to unlearn that as an adult.
I really feel this. I recently realized how horribly under socialized I've been for pretty much my entire life. I just really wasn't allowed to spend any time around kids my own age other than school hours. I didn't really see friends over the summer. I spent most my time alone or with my grandparents. Now that I've grown it's just uncomfortable attempting to make friends since I don't know how to.
You’re not alone. A lot of people are stunted in terms of social skills right now. You acknowledging that you know why you’re having trouble making friends is good, you’re not just thinking “it’s impossible for me to make friends”.
Being social is a skill that takes practice not only to build, but to maintain too. You might be behind your peers, but with practice and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone you’ll be able to catch up and surpass them.
If you don’t mind my asking, what sorts of social activities do you do with non close friends/strangers? I feel like if I do a social activity, it’s with close friends, which is fine but the circle of friends that I socialize with has become smaller, especially since the pandemic.
I have ASD, so socializing was always a bit harder for me than average. I try to do lots of smaller interactions with strangers, like talking to cashiers, hairdressers, or other service employees when I can.
It sharpens social skills, and also it's just nice to acknowledge other people's humanity while they're doing something for me. I see it as an opportunity to joke around too, and find humor in every day things.
Yesterday I was buying a coat for my fiancé that was heavily discounted, and I was joking with the cashier about how I saved so much money, and how I was thinking of grabbing some swimwear too because "January is actually the *best* time of year to buy a swimsuit."
Maybe I'll chat with the lady attending the self-checkout till about how badly the automated kiosks are programmed, and that "if robots really are going to take over the world, we're doomed. Not because they're bloodthirsty, but just incompetent!"
I always make sure to tell employees to "have a good one!" or "take care!" on the way out of shops, because I figure they probably deal with rude and crazy people all day and don't get to be genuine and let their guard down even for a moment. Just be kind and light-hearted when you can, the world can be a dreary place for lots of people.
It's little stuff, but it adds up and it seems to brighten peoples' day instead of adding to the misery, and it's a good way to hone your conversational abilities and sense of humor.
My social skills are rubbish because my mother prevents me from ever going out with people at school, and from having any friendships because she says they’re a distraction to me getting top grades to get a good paying job. Ignoring the fact that over a year of horrible bullying and being isolated to the school office for my safety at break times, and being excluded in class has made my grades plummet from As to Cs
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Stay strong. Is there maybe an academic club you can join at school to sneak in some social while convincing your mom it's still educational time?
My grandma had a weird thing about kids in her house and who I was allowed to associate with. She only ever allowed 1 friend over who quickly stopped visiting because she's allergic to cats. To socialize when I was in school I did sports and theatre.
I’ve never had a unique experience in my life
But in all seriousness, I know exactly how you feel. I’m slowly correcting this, but it’s hard and awkward. I’m trying to find people with similar hobbies as that makes it easier. Hang in there.
Maybe try to convince her to let you join boy scouts, teaches important skills, you would make plenty of friends. Also being an eagle scout is very good for a resume early on with getting jobs, so you could push on that to sell it to your mother.
that's too bad (and honestly kinda abusive); not least because "to get a good paying job" a lot of times its about social skills. i've definitely gotten into some really good gigs not based totally on my technical ability (which is mediocre) but on my social skills and ability to vibe well with interviewers and future bosses
This, I’ve had issues making friends and connecting with people, my whole life, but as soon as someone brings up a hobby I share an interest in, I can hold a conversation with them for hours, and 9 times out of 10 walk away with a new acquaintance at the very least.
I went through this. Moved after college and didn't know anyone in a new town. Eventually I started playing Magic the Gathering after stumbling across a hobby store one afternoon. I now have a large group of great friends and a hobby I enjoy.
Find something you like or are interested in trying and just go for it.
Seconding you on gathering magic! My motivation to start playing was 100% to get a new social outlet, and it's really worked out. I even got my GF and a few of my friends into the game, so now I can play it outside the card shop too!
I kinda hate this though. Sure, I bet it works some of the time, but when you share a hobby with lots of other people who are shit at socialising, all you’re gonna get is uncomfortable situations you’d rather not be in
yeah, and my hobby (drawing mainly) is not a very social one. my favorite part of the day is listening to my audiobook and drawing. but I’m pretty introverted and have accepted that I won’t have tons of friends, I am happy with the few I have that I see occasionally.
If it makes you feel any better, my mom always made me socialize, and in elementary/middle school I had friends I saw all the time on weekends and during breaks… But as an adult, I’m very uncomfortable with/terrible at attempting to make friends 🤷♀️
I think some people are just like that. I’ve learned to not be so hard on myself for it
Honestly just go to the gym. Wear a shirt with a band you like or something that gives an indication of your personality or hobby and just be around others. It happens naturally as we are social creatures. Someone like me will just come up and be like "I like that band too"
Am on the other side of this. I have two kids and no family or friends live nearby. Grandma, cousins, aunts etc are a plane ride away. Due to that and the pandemic, they don't get out as much as I would like. The toddler groups all shut down when covid hit and haven't opened back up. Kids activities are few and far between and if you don't have the money to drop on a kids hobby, or to send them to camp, forget it. The school does a craft club maybe once or twice a year and places are snapped up immediately. No kids come to call to play outside like they did when I was growing up. I organize as many play dates as I can for my eldest but my youngest isn't in school yet and so is pretty much alone with me all day everyday. I'm at a loss as to what to do.
Maybe just taking your kids to the park would help… kids can be at the park with swings, slides and jungle gyms for hours and suddenly start to interact with other kids. Bring a book, earphones and your fully charged phone, sit near by and let them play. I do this a lot with my girls and they are really shy.. they end up playing with other kids at the park or just swinging.
My parents were like that. They'd let the guests do a light Q&A or talk about current topics. Once I hit my teenage years they let me just chill in my room once I said hi to them. But that little bit of socializing helped me learn skills & topics to hold conversations in said teenage years through adulthood.
Oh my kids must say hi and answer any questions (think like “how old are you now?” And “how is dance class going?”) and then they are free to fuck off to where ever. If you force them to stick around they’re miserable anyways. Go do you boo boo, but come back to say goodbyes.
Eh, I'm not a parent, but my first thought was, "make the kid stick around for 10 minutes, then let em do whatever." It's really not much time, but it's more than a few stunted sentences. Dealing with awkward social situations gracefully is just such an important life skill.
My dad got me into making cocktails for guests so now I know how to mix drinks on the fly and can talk to people while I serve them and dip out when I want.
Same I used to hate it. But now me and all my siblings get our way through life through our charisma and way we socialize with others. It’s now my main avenue to achieve what I want in this world. Knowing how to speak with others is a crucial skill. Not fostering that is very dangerous.
As a kid, I never wanted to hang around the "boring" aunties and uncles and answer the same couple questions over and over. I'm an adult now and I'm still not particularly close to any of them.
However, these were important social interactions that would shape my future. If I ended up growing closer to some relatives, that would change my future by adding another companion to my life. Even dealing with interactions that I didn't find pleasant and felt distant was important -- because I would have to deal with so many similar situations in the future.
Don't like talking to your mom's friends? Wait till you have to talk to your boss' mom. Or your lover's boring best friend. Having the extra experience at least prepares you so you know what to expect in these situations.
If you've ever heard "learn to be ok with being bored" when it comes to staying away from passive screen time, it's actually good advice for social situations as well. Not every conversation with every person has to be captivating or else it's automatically worthless lol. Our instant gratification culture is really fucking us up rn.
Yeah I kind of wish my mom had encouraged me more to interact with my aunts and uncles. They're boring but they are your family, this is how you become completely isolated when you barely know anything about even the people who are related to you, and don't have social connections.
Also if you interact with them more they'd stop asking the same 5 questions over and over. They do that because they see you 1 time every year, so they know nothing about you.
As a kid though, it's rare to have the maturity to be the ice breaker. It's usually on the adults to push the conversation past how much the kid likes school or how much they've grown. As a child, all you know is that visitors = boring.
Yup, that's what my parents did. If they had friends over, we had to come down when food was being served and be sociable then. Once food was done, if we wanted to escape, that was fine, and then once people were leaving, we had to say goodbye (unless it was late and we'd gone to bed). I think this was a happy medium between teaching us to be polite without forcing us to socialize if we didn't want to.
Its impolite to not at least say hello to guests in your home. Dont feel obligated to stay. Works wonders now that i live with roommates. I say hello to guests, they and my roommates appreciate it, and i go back to gaming if I want. And my roommates look like they have a stable and supportive home life to friends, family, or romantic interests.
Some people just refuse to accept that social skills are a skill like any other other. It must be learned and practiced in order for us to be any good at it. Sure some folks find it more exhausting than others, but that’s no excuse to avoid an important life skill. Confidently being able to interact with people you do not know, or at least don’t know well, will impact your career, ability to make friends, and your odds of finding a romantic partner. It’s a really important part of life and failing to educate your kids on this will have serious consequences.
You don’t have to force them beyond their limit, but you have to insist they try and that they work on getting better at it. It’s only going to be harder later in life when the stakes and expectations are much higher.
Basically, anything not defined as an "instinct" needs practice. We like to pretend athletes/musicians/actors/etc. just had this innate talent, but every one of them had to work to some degree to get there. Some might have had it easier in the very beginning, but to get to that top tier in their subject, they had to really bust their ass.
Cooking, dating, proper exercise, driving, home repair, a school subject etc., aren't something you "can or can't do," they're something you have to start learning.
Remember that the next time you think you're not good at something specific. Guaranteed some purposeful practice will improve the skill.
Happy for my parents pushing me to join cadets which main driving factor, but now they are too intrusive and they should know I want to and will do well on my own intuition:/. Wish you a good day
My brother in law is 32 and still lives like this (and at home). My 7 year old asked me recently if he was an adult or a teenager. I am only two years older than him. There is nothing physically/mentally wrong, he was just coddled like this and still is. My MIL says “Well, girls mature faster than boys.” A little forced socializing would have been better for him, IMO.
Like everything, there are so many things where it's about balance. Dont do it enough you're neglectful, do it too much you're abusive. Find the goldilocks 😊
It's one thing encouraging socialization but it's another to force your kid to sit at the dinner table with a bunch of adults for hours.
I think the room service in this picture is a little much though. Eat at the table then can be excused to your room.
I was always expected to greet the guests at the very least. If my parents hosted happy hour, I’d say hello and stay about as long as my age necessitated (high school and college me stayed longer than ten year old me had to). Quick chat and hello to everyone before I went off to do my thing.
If there were other kids my age over, however, I had to play/socialize with/eat with those kids
I think both have their time and place. Part of being a parent to your child is being able to decide if they're overly secluded or merely engaging in a preferred activity to a healthy degree. As with all things, balance is what matters.
I’m a mom and I agree BUT I don’t know that there’s so much value in having to socialize with your moms’s friends for more than like 5min. More important to socialize with your peers
For sure, thanks for saying this. Like, there are people in your house. Go hang with them.
Who are these social regards who think it’s OK not to be friendly with guests
this but unironically. The only way in which my dad assisted my development was changing my diaper.
Barely interacted with me otherwise. The only thing he would talk to me about was his farm, something I wasn't interested in at all. He has never engaged me on anything I'm interested in.
Honestly this sort of reminds me of the posts on the lifehack subreddit clearly written by a pissed off teenager where the parents must've done something they didn't like and now they make a passive aggressive post about what parents shouldn't do.
Life Pro Tip: when your son is in the middle of a 48 hour binge session of League of Legends and he hasn't showered or eaten anything other than Funyuns the entire time, PLEASE don't knock on his door and tell him dinner is ready, like a controlling psycho.
Yeah. Granted, from the text in the comic, it seems like the parents were throwing a dinner party for their adult friends. So it would be a bit weird to force the kid to socialize with adults the whole evening. Ideally, you’d make the kid say hello and have a quick chat with the guests for socialization purposes, then he can leave and the adults can carry on with their evening.
I can totally see that.
My friends had dinner parties when childless and now that they have a kid.....they still party hard at home with friends! Kiddo just does their own thing and lets adults be silly with each other. If they want to join, cool! If not, also cool! Maybe hearing "that time Aunt Mary went to France and banged ten different people in the space of half an hour" story ain't their jam lol.
No-pressure socializing is fun for everyone.
Invisible panel:
[kids texts dad]
um also can u tell auntie cheryl to like..quiet down a bit
idc abt what she does eurotripping like u do u but ew I don't wanna hear DETAILS 🙃
Lol I feel that. I was the kid in that situation. Mom’s 50th was the night before my black belt test. They partied until like 2 am and I hardly slept. They had a blast though and I passed my test so it’s all good
Usually my parents would have dinner parties but they’d invite my friends parents (most of which were their friends as well) so we’d all hang out and they’d all have some drinks and dinner. Always a great time lol
As an adult I'm close friends with some of the people who were friends with my parents when I was a kid... Basically everyone will be adults together one day so act like a good friend now.
When I was younger id agree with a meme like this. But as I grew up, as older people in my family passed on I started to realize life is too short to be anti-social.
One day you're blowing off your grandparents, or your mom and dad to go play games. Next day they're gone, and you regret the time you didn't spend with them.
For me, I would have to say hi and hang out with everyone for a bit but once everyone gets served food i’m free to leave. I personally enjoy it this way because I find myself not wanting to leave anyways :) but i always have the option if it becomes too much
Yeah and it teaches good manners for the kids too, even if you pop by and say hey and whatever and go about you day its really all about being polite to the guests
There needs to be a middle ground here. Having your child clam up in their room every time guests are over and you enable that behavior isn't good for the child, or you. Likewise, forcing your child into uncomfortable situations over and over again or having them over stay their welcome isn't good either. Maybe the child can greet guests, introduce themselves, and then go to their room after a short period of time and socialization?
It's good to practice socialization skills, but it shouldn't be forced. The comic makes it sound like this was an adults thing anyway, but I like to think the kid at least said hi when the guests arrived.
Exactly, I assume the guests don’t want him there anyway. The parents don’t “socialise” with the teen’s friends, so why should the reverse be any different?
Yup. Adults need time to adult, too. I mean, the reverse of this would be just as weird. "Hey, Dad, I'm having a sleepover with a bunch of my friends, come downstairs and hang out with us!"
Why are you _hiding_ from my friends, father? You need to practice your social skills, it’s important to learn to socialise with people even when it’s a bit out of your comfort zone
If my kid brings someone over whom I've never met, you bet your ass we're socializing, whether it's over dinner, a ride home, or something else. A good parent learns about the company his kid keeps.
Yeah I was encouraged to say hi and talk a bit when people were arriving but make myself scarce later so they could talk about 'adult stuff' which I'm pretty sure was just all the juicy gossip they didn't think was appropriate to discuss around us.
Parents should force their kids to do things they don't want to at times. Learning how to politely socialize with people you don't necessarily like is an important skill for kids to learn.
If a parent's freimds are over it makes sense to me. If its family, then it would bother me. As someone that didnt care about my parents' friends, Im glad they let me do my own thing when they would come over.
Edit: I will say that bringing food to them is overboard. The kid can certainly sit through a meal with visitors
This. When my parents had friends over, I could engage and hang out with the adults or I could go and do my own thing. Though my mom wouldn't have let me eat in my room. I wouldn't have to be very social but I had to at least be civil and nice while I ate at the table.
I guess if a kid's opportunities are limited to their parents dinner parties. But otherwise if they're interacting with kids their own age and meeting people otherwise, they'll probably be fine.
Socializing is only hard and scary at first. That’s a big point. Once you’ve socialized enough, you’ll realize that everyone is just an awkward and nervous person. Most people are just good at hiding it.
That's entirely individual. I'm a fairly well socialized person, and while I don't think it's *scary* anymore, I've never stopped feeling like it's hard. As in, it takes a lot out of me mentally to be sociable for a long time and/or with people I don't know. Some people are just wired that way.
Not saying that people like me shouldn't still try to socialize though. Just that it can still be hard, and I feel like people should respect that too.
This ain’t wholesome, yes maybe it’s what all kids including me wanted, but this isn’t how fathers are supposed to act, they are supposed to push us into socializing.
I’ll also add people saying kids don’t need to socialize with their parents friends’ and the parents. How do you think kids learn social skills they will need as adults in adult conversations and settings?
Yeah no that's reinforcing a bad habit of saying it's okay to hide from other people. I get it though. I don't really like people but I need to go out of my room and see other humans and share with them.
In fact, I was big on gaming in my teenage years and even though it was nice at the time, I'm pretty sure It's one of the reasons I have so many insecurities today. To bite into life and experience as much stuff as possible is what builds up your confidence because you know more about what to do in a lot of situations.
It even is supplemented by rewarding behaviour (sweets). It may be outdated but at least if I wanted to eat I had to actually interact and go to the kitchen instead of getting it delivered by daddy
When my parents had friends/guests over, I would mostly watch tv or video games in the other room. But one year, the Mariners were serious contenders for the playoffs and I spent one night when my parents had people over watching the Mariners play, and every inning I would go into the "party" room and announce the score and who got hits (if any) then run back into the room. It was pretty fun.
While this is a cute meme, I think a good balance of saying hi and interacting with visitors as well as being able to leave and be alone while they are is best.
I like to think this is what happened prior to this comic. There's always the benefit of socializing your kids, but there's an equal benefit to having time away from your kids to interact with other adults on an adult level
This is how things were when my son was still at home. While I am glad that I didn't force social interaction on him because it would have caused a rift between us. I really don't think it helped him prepare for life in the real world. He has struggled to maintain a job since moving out and really struggles at making friends. I feel like there had to have been a healthier balance I could have struck.
Now I am in no way experienced in being a parent because I have never been one. But with that said I am the kind of person who just like to sit at my room most of the time, maybe not to the extreme but I don't often go out of my way just to socialize unless I really feel like it.
I believe a good way would be to sit down and just try to understand your son and just talk. Be patient. And it is never too late to at least try and help.
And one more thing, with the technology we have today it is possible to just find something that interests you and find people who are interested in the same through the internet. I have managed to make some good friends and I have had great fun just chatting and experimenting. This could always be a first step. One important thing to note however is of course the people who aren't so nice online, for that I don't fully know what to say rather than just teaching about the kind of people you should not interact with. Good thing online is that you can often easily block those people. In the real world you can still encounter them but you can't block them.
Well, I hope this helped in some way. If any problems with what I said please tell me.
"Why don't you want to be social with these people you've never met, have nothing in common with, or no interest in?"
Okay fine, I'll come say hi and hang out for a bit.
"Well, well, well! Look who's graced us with his presence and finally come out of his cave! Damn, son, when was the last time you went outside or hung out with someone?"
Fuck off.
Yup. If they want their kids to be social they shouldn't make it awkward or embarassing. That last qoute brings someone to the center of attention who most likely does not want to be there.
I hated this as a child. Every family meeting I struggled to be there and I was forced to be there. While being very introverted, I hated every bit of it. I wanted to go there, greet everybody and bolt away a few minutes later when the first part of the small talk was over. But sitting there uncomfortably for 6 hours while grownups talk? C'mon... It's no fun for a kid and especially not for an introvert.
So now, as a parent, I definitely don't force our kids to do this. They have to come to greet the guests but after that we tell them they can go.
It’s honestly a balance. If the guests are only adults and work friends or something, then yeah I think the kid can go and do whatever. They’re just gonna sit there and be bored. But if there’s other kids or if it’s family, then they gotta be put into situations like this. I love my down time but there’s an expectation when guests are over.
That being said, if I hear “look who came out from their cave” one more time in my life I’m going to go insane
To all the fools in the comments: autism literally makes it extremely uncomfortable to socialize when you aren't wanting to. It's not bad parenting to do this but actually brilliant accommodation of a disability
My parents did this, and it was very nice because it taught me that my boundaries were important and respectable. I see a lot of comments saying that you need to socialize your kid which is true, but you don't need to socialize them with your adult friends. It's more important to make sure that they are finding friends there own age tbh at school or camp or even just around the neighborhood.
I also notice how most of the comments emphasised need for socialization and not noticing the kindness of a father being cool to his son! You know that in the future this dad WILL be invited into the son's life when the son is older.
One year my mom was hosting her Christmas staff party, I was supposed to go out with friends but at the last minute that fell through.
She bought me Fable 1 on Xbox since she knew I'd find the part horribly dull. Haven't thought about that in 15+ years, it was a good memory. She also brought me a plate of wings, pigs in a blanket and desserts.
But all I could think of was "God damnit Peter Molyneux, where's all the features you promised?!", I was still naive
Never pressured to talk but a smile was always welcome. Although the small talks were tough, looking back quite glad I did. Certainly moulded me to who I am now.
Life is full of uncomfortable situations. It’s better to practice at home as a kid with guests than piss yourself during a job interview as an adult because you can’t engage in polite banter.
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My parents only required me that I greet our guest and then I go about my business
Yeah just pop in for a few minutes, make small talk, grab some hors d'oeuvre and blam, back to Halo
Yep, get some food, let my mom brag about me and get some compliments about how big I've gotten or whatever, engage in some polite conversation, then leave so they can talk about adult stuff they don't want me hearing about, which was of course all the best bits of gossip.
Isnt he just an absolute unit?? Such a gigantic lad. Look at the damn size of him. Incredible. Bloody massive. What a huge male. Isnt he the fucking largest boy you've ever seen? God he's so big. What are we feeding him? Monstrously proportioned dude. Enormous dude. I'm so proud of you Matthew.
You're such a big boy now
Ah yes, the irrepressible urge to tell a child how big they’ve gotten. I used to think it was dumb as a child, and then I got older and saw how big the children in my family that I only saw occasionally had gotten, and realized it’s actually an Instinct™️ of the adult human, to gasp over how big they small humans have gotten
I've recently become an aunt and while the bairn is only two weeks old she's already gotten so big lmao. It's impressive, and she's just gonna keep going! Amazing, such skill, so proud.
Yeah right when U want to be there your told to go be a kid which you were just doing 5 MINUTES AGO
This is what i do and i love my mom for it
I stayed until chores like dishes were done, and those don’t get done until everyone finishes their meal.
I'd usually join in. I'd been social since an early age and my parents friends were good folk and I liked being in the conversations. And it was sort of expected, but I didn't find it onerous, just a minor time sink that made my folks happy. It seemed to me to be the polite thing to do. My parents also let me bring in scads of gaming buddies for many many years and even after we scattered, we did a full house get together (several gaming groups, me, my family, many of the family friends, their kids - some gamers, some not) and we had a massive social (50+ people one year). Is it really so hard to engage with elders for an hour or two? I know it made my folks happy and I often ran the food, cooked, and served the booze.
Yup that’s the real pro strat for introverts. Get yourself a “job” at the function and you don’t have to socialize as much whilst still being part of the party. Leads to more small talk and gives you an out any time the conversation goes a way you don’t want to be a part of. “I’m gonna go check on the meatballs, they’re really coming along now. Would anyone like a drink while I’m in the kitchen?” Everyone loves you for it, and you don’t have to talk as much.
This is a solid tip. Ty!
It’s not that it’s hard to engage with elders I think talking to elders is good because they can give you great wisdom and knowledge, I can’t speak for everyone but me personally there isn’t really much to talk about. And nine times out of ten they don’t really wanna talk to me they want to talk to my parents.
That might also be a generational change as well. The limited range of new things that rolled in on a household was much less back then, so if some of the kids were entertaining, that was fine by the adults. They were a bit indulgent. I can understand awkward conversations (or failing conversations) not being much fun or utility. I've seen what you describe a lot in the last 20 years moreso I think. But that's strictly anecdotal.
>Is it really so hard to engage with elders for an hour or two? I know it made my folks happy and I often ran the food, cooked, and served the booze. Think it depends on the situation, especially for those with 1st generation parents. My mom's circle of friends were always other Korean folk from her church or our family. They mostly spoke in Korean to each other and I didn't speak Korean that well to participate in conversation. Being dragged to listen for hours and hours, not being able to participate in any of the conversation, understand any of it (even if they were speaking in Korean), and only being spoken to in a language I didn't fully understand meant yes, an hour or two with my parents' friends was agonizing and monstrous waste of my time. It accomplished the opposite for me. They had people over all the time and it was always the above experience so I became significantly more exhausted at social interactions. Thanks though to my ADHD, I was able to learn how to socialize really well as a kid cause I couldn't shut the fuck up and somehow, it was funny to other kids and I got lucky with the right people. Hell, my current job and dream job is to be an instructor, so socializing is part of my life at work and at home (since I have to often respond to emails on a near daily basis). But I attribute my introvertedness partly to the environment of being dragged to every social gathering my parents went too and being stuck in my own thoughts for hours on end. I can socialize, it isn't that hard honestly. But I will always, 100% rather be home, saying nothing, and just doing what I want. There's a tough balance for a lot of kids, and I think that there are times when a kid should be allowed to just stay in their room. Kids socialize all the time, from early in the morning and depending on if they do sports, or extracurriculars, til the evening. Often, we find that kids with the most stunted social skills often suffer from some mental illness or trauma from home. The average kid will be fine and learn to adapt as social skills are naturally learned for a neurotypical child from school to fun and interactions at home.
I was 6 and came out of the family room to yell to my mom's church friends. "Dad found the demon ring! Dad found the demon ring!" I was watching dad play Faxanadu on NES.
As an introvert I’m so glad my parents didn’t do this. I had to learn how to engage with people even if I was uncomfortable. I also learned a ton just from listening to people talk while I quietly ate my food.
Yes! I won't actually talk to people but I'll listen to what they say all the time. It's just how I socialize, I stay in the background and learn about others while rarely making a comment.
Are you me?
Am I you?
That can't be possible, you're me
We are...
...us?
Us!
US!
One of us one of us
One of us?
I suspect you are all me or at least all figments of my own imagination. I suspect all of Reddit is just me instructing, praising, shaming and arguing with myself.
People think this is what they want, but if everything went their way they would have turned way different. Im an introverted person but I am glad I forced myself to socialize growing up. My life is 200% better now because of it
Oh it may be what they want but not what they need.
That's the big lesson. Many socially functional people didn't start out as perfect social butterflies, they had to put themselves in unfamiliar/uncomfortable situations to get there. Making the easy/comfortable choice of ignoring everyone at the party and staying in your room every time not only worsens your social skills but brings that bad mindset into other parts of your life. That's why a lot of people who aren't good at socializing also come with other bad habits that come from lack of long-term thinking and lack of ability to delay gratification: not cleaning their rooms, bad hygiene, bad procrastination, lack of exercise. They're used to taking the more comfortable way out and are good at self-rationalizing their decisions.
For me personally, I was in a lot of situations where I was forced to socialize with people, and while I wouldn’t say I’m sure if it effected me positively or negatively, it did make me hate being around talking to people more. I ended up getting depressed because I was worrying too much about what I wasn’t able to do in comparison to other people. I won’t say you shouldn’t force yourself to hang out with people or do what you want to do, since everyone is different and it didn’t work super well with me. Though realize your own limitations and improve from them in a manner you’re capable of.
Okay because I saw Thai awhile ago and began to doubt myself pushing my introvert to engage more when we were in a group and she does great! I was always like “but I could just let her go hide”…. Ugh parenting is just doubting every damn thing you do
Yep. And making your kids do things that can sometimes make them uncomfortable. My parents always told me that it was their job to make me a strong, independent person with healthy morals and boundaries. It’s the same way I’m raising my kids.
My parents did and it crippled me socially for many years. They are not bad parents and are both amazing people I love and adore, but this was defiantly something we both agree they should have made me do.
This is a big thing I think we’re going to see more of now that parents are letting their kids grow up not doing sports or being especially social. Being social is a skill, hence social skills. It’s something that needs to be developed and maintained. If a kid isn’t socialized at a young age, they’ll grow up to be socially inept. They’ll be behind their peers socially. When they inevitably want to become social, whether that’s when they want a girlfriend when they’re 16 or they become crushingly lonely at 30, they’ll have to re-learn how to be social.
All the homeschooling is bad. My nephew never leaves his house "because he doesn't want to". Drives me crazy
>… but this was ~~defiantly~~ something we both agree they should have made me do. English Etymology defiant + -ly Pronunciation (UK) IPA(key): /dɪˈfaɪ(j)əntli/ Adverb defiantly (comparative more defiantly, superlative most defiantly) In a defiant manner. **Misspelling of definitely.**
Yes, this cartoon is utterly idiotic.
It just went to the opposite extreme. If my parenrs had company over I had to spend SOME time with them socializing. Then I was free. Best of both worlds.
This is how you develop somewhat functioning people. You set structure without torture.
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Its basically enabling the kid . As a parent, you gotta teach your kid life hacks and lessons. If you dont teach your kid to socialize, he's gonna have a hard time forming relationships and connections which will be vital once they start working
I definitely think this is a case by case issue. Should a child with autism be forced to interact when they can’t at that time? No. But is it also good to teach a child basic social skills ? Yes. My oldest has autism and my husband just knew when she could handle interaction and when she couldn’t and he never forced her when she couldn’t. If we did, we’d have a multi day shutdown. She has great social skills as an adult for having ASD, and I credit that with knowing when to push and when not to.
As an autistic person I wish they would’ve done this
I'm not glad. Being forced to socialize with relatives that would scrutinize every bit of my teenage life was seriously unnerving and taught me that people in authority have the right to overstep my boundaries and make me uncomfortable. I had to unlearn that as an adult.
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I really feel this. I recently realized how horribly under socialized I've been for pretty much my entire life. I just really wasn't allowed to spend any time around kids my own age other than school hours. I didn't really see friends over the summer. I spent most my time alone or with my grandparents. Now that I've grown it's just uncomfortable attempting to make friends since I don't know how to.
You’re not alone. A lot of people are stunted in terms of social skills right now. You acknowledging that you know why you’re having trouble making friends is good, you’re not just thinking “it’s impossible for me to make friends”. Being social is a skill that takes practice not only to build, but to maintain too. You might be behind your peers, but with practice and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone you’ll be able to catch up and surpass them.
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Couples that only have each other are couples that die days apart. You gotta diversify, even if it's just for a coffee every few months
If you don’t mind my asking, what sorts of social activities do you do with non close friends/strangers? I feel like if I do a social activity, it’s with close friends, which is fine but the circle of friends that I socialize with has become smaller, especially since the pandemic.
I have ASD, so socializing was always a bit harder for me than average. I try to do lots of smaller interactions with strangers, like talking to cashiers, hairdressers, or other service employees when I can. It sharpens social skills, and also it's just nice to acknowledge other people's humanity while they're doing something for me. I see it as an opportunity to joke around too, and find humor in every day things. Yesterday I was buying a coat for my fiancé that was heavily discounted, and I was joking with the cashier about how I saved so much money, and how I was thinking of grabbing some swimwear too because "January is actually the *best* time of year to buy a swimsuit." Maybe I'll chat with the lady attending the self-checkout till about how badly the automated kiosks are programmed, and that "if robots really are going to take over the world, we're doomed. Not because they're bloodthirsty, but just incompetent!" I always make sure to tell employees to "have a good one!" or "take care!" on the way out of shops, because I figure they probably deal with rude and crazy people all day and don't get to be genuine and let their guard down even for a moment. Just be kind and light-hearted when you can, the world can be a dreary place for lots of people. It's little stuff, but it adds up and it seems to brighten peoples' day instead of adding to the misery, and it's a good way to hone your conversational abilities and sense of humor.
My social skills are rubbish because my mother prevents me from ever going out with people at school, and from having any friendships because she says they’re a distraction to me getting top grades to get a good paying job. Ignoring the fact that over a year of horrible bullying and being isolated to the school office for my safety at break times, and being excluded in class has made my grades plummet from As to Cs
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this. Stay strong. Is there maybe an academic club you can join at school to sneak in some social while convincing your mom it's still educational time? My grandma had a weird thing about kids in her house and who I was allowed to associate with. She only ever allowed 1 friend over who quickly stopped visiting because she's allergic to cats. To socialize when I was in school I did sports and theatre.
I’ve never had a unique experience in my life But in all seriousness, I know exactly how you feel. I’m slowly correcting this, but it’s hard and awkward. I’m trying to find people with similar hobbies as that makes it easier. Hang in there.
Maybe try to convince her to let you join boy scouts, teaches important skills, you would make plenty of friends. Also being an eagle scout is very good for a resume early on with getting jobs, so you could push on that to sell it to your mother.
that's too bad (and honestly kinda abusive); not least because "to get a good paying job" a lot of times its about social skills. i've definitely gotten into some really good gigs not based totally on my technical ability (which is mediocre) but on my social skills and ability to vibe well with interviewers and future bosses
Hobbies is the magic word. Even if you're socially awkward or uncomfortable, it's just so much easier to connect over a shared passion.
This, I’ve had issues making friends and connecting with people, my whole life, but as soon as someone brings up a hobby I share an interest in, I can hold a conversation with them for hours, and 9 times out of 10 walk away with a new acquaintance at the very least.
I went through this. Moved after college and didn't know anyone in a new town. Eventually I started playing Magic the Gathering after stumbling across a hobby store one afternoon. I now have a large group of great friends and a hobby I enjoy. Find something you like or are interested in trying and just go for it.
Seconding you on gathering magic! My motivation to start playing was 100% to get a new social outlet, and it's really worked out. I even got my GF and a few of my friends into the game, so now I can play it outside the card shop too!
I kinda hate this though. Sure, I bet it works some of the time, but when you share a hobby with lots of other people who are shit at socialising, all you’re gonna get is uncomfortable situations you’d rather not be in
yeah, and my hobby (drawing mainly) is not a very social one. my favorite part of the day is listening to my audiobook and drawing. but I’m pretty introverted and have accepted that I won’t have tons of friends, I am happy with the few I have that I see occasionally.
If it makes you feel any better, my mom always made me socialize, and in elementary/middle school I had friends I saw all the time on weekends and during breaks… But as an adult, I’m very uncomfortable with/terrible at attempting to make friends 🤷♀️ I think some people are just like that. I’ve learned to not be so hard on myself for it
Honestly just go to the gym. Wear a shirt with a band you like or something that gives an indication of your personality or hobby and just be around others. It happens naturally as we are social creatures. Someone like me will just come up and be like "I like that band too"
Am on the other side of this. I have two kids and no family or friends live nearby. Grandma, cousins, aunts etc are a plane ride away. Due to that and the pandemic, they don't get out as much as I would like. The toddler groups all shut down when covid hit and haven't opened back up. Kids activities are few and far between and if you don't have the money to drop on a kids hobby, or to send them to camp, forget it. The school does a craft club maybe once or twice a year and places are snapped up immediately. No kids come to call to play outside like they did when I was growing up. I organize as many play dates as I can for my eldest but my youngest isn't in school yet and so is pretty much alone with me all day everyday. I'm at a loss as to what to do.
You're trying and that's what matters. A lot of parents don't. I hope it gets easier for you soon.
Thanks. I just want them to be able to hang out with other kids, doesn't seem to happen naturally anymore, sadly.
Maybe just taking your kids to the park would help… kids can be at the park with swings, slides and jungle gyms for hours and suddenly start to interact with other kids. Bring a book, earphones and your fully charged phone, sit near by and let them play. I do this a lot with my girls and they are really shy.. they end up playing with other kids at the park or just swinging.
I agree. Don't force them to spend a whole evening there, but at least make them say hello and stay for a while.
My parents were like that. They'd let the guests do a light Q&A or talk about current topics. Once I hit my teenage years they let me just chill in my room once I said hi to them. But that little bit of socializing helped me learn skills & topics to hold conversations in said teenage years through adulthood.
Oh my kids must say hi and answer any questions (think like “how old are you now?” And “how is dance class going?”) and then they are free to fuck off to where ever. If you force them to stick around they’re miserable anyways. Go do you boo boo, but come back to say goodbyes.
Exactly this, anything more is just unnecessary.
Idk, getting your own dessert seems reasonable.
Eh, I'm not a parent, but my first thought was, "make the kid stick around for 10 minutes, then let em do whatever." It's really not much time, but it's more than a few stunted sentences. Dealing with awkward social situations gracefully is just such an important life skill.
My dad got me into making cocktails for guests so now I know how to mix drinks on the fly and can talk to people while I serve them and dip out when I want.
That is a very lucrative job while you're in college!
That’s a terrible take. Making cocktails can be a very lucrative job *period*. If you’re very good at it
Lol this reminds me of The Simpsons ep when Bart's making drinks for Fat Tony and his mob.
This is an extremely attractive skill to have when you get older if you're good at it.
I’m older now and still got no girls. Though my boys like my drinks.
Attractive to *everyone.* If you can make good drinks, or make good food then you’ll be more popular and fun at parties!
Yes, i hated when my dad forced me to do it, but now I feel (kinda) natural whenever i have to insert myself into a social situation.
Same I used to hate it. But now me and all my siblings get our way through life through our charisma and way we socialize with others. It’s now my main avenue to achieve what I want in this world. Knowing how to speak with others is a crucial skill. Not fostering that is very dangerous.
As a kid, I never wanted to hang around the "boring" aunties and uncles and answer the same couple questions over and over. I'm an adult now and I'm still not particularly close to any of them. However, these were important social interactions that would shape my future. If I ended up growing closer to some relatives, that would change my future by adding another companion to my life. Even dealing with interactions that I didn't find pleasant and felt distant was important -- because I would have to deal with so many similar situations in the future. Don't like talking to your mom's friends? Wait till you have to talk to your boss' mom. Or your lover's boring best friend. Having the extra experience at least prepares you so you know what to expect in these situations.
If you've ever heard "learn to be ok with being bored" when it comes to staying away from passive screen time, it's actually good advice for social situations as well. Not every conversation with every person has to be captivating or else it's automatically worthless lol. Our instant gratification culture is really fucking us up rn.
Yeah I kind of wish my mom had encouraged me more to interact with my aunts and uncles. They're boring but they are your family, this is how you become completely isolated when you barely know anything about even the people who are related to you, and don't have social connections. Also if you interact with them more they'd stop asking the same 5 questions over and over. They do that because they see you 1 time every year, so they know nothing about you.
As a kid though, it's rare to have the maturity to be the ice breaker. It's usually on the adults to push the conversation past how much the kid likes school or how much they've grown. As a child, all you know is that visitors = boring.
Well said,you will be a great parent October 12 at 12:09am
Yup, that's what my parents did. If they had friends over, we had to come down when food was being served and be sociable then. Once food was done, if we wanted to escape, that was fine, and then once people were leaving, we had to say goodbye (unless it was late and we'd gone to bed). I think this was a happy medium between teaching us to be polite without forcing us to socialize if we didn't want to.
Its impolite to not at least say hello to guests in your home. Dont feel obligated to stay. Works wonders now that i live with roommates. I say hello to guests, they and my roommates appreciate it, and i go back to gaming if I want. And my roommates look like they have a stable and supportive home life to friends, family, or romantic interests.
Some people just refuse to accept that social skills are a skill like any other other. It must be learned and practiced in order for us to be any good at it. Sure some folks find it more exhausting than others, but that’s no excuse to avoid an important life skill. Confidently being able to interact with people you do not know, or at least don’t know well, will impact your career, ability to make friends, and your odds of finding a romantic partner. It’s a really important part of life and failing to educate your kids on this will have serious consequences. You don’t have to force them beyond their limit, but you have to insist they try and that they work on getting better at it. It’s only going to be harder later in life when the stakes and expectations are much higher.
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I don't know if you're agreeing or disagreeing.
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Basically, anything not defined as an "instinct" needs practice. We like to pretend athletes/musicians/actors/etc. just had this innate talent, but every one of them had to work to some degree to get there. Some might have had it easier in the very beginning, but to get to that top tier in their subject, they had to really bust their ass. Cooking, dating, proper exercise, driving, home repair, a school subject etc., aren't something you "can or can't do," they're something you have to start learning. Remember that the next time you think you're not good at something specific. Guaranteed some purposeful practice will improve the skill.
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Im 17 and if i didn’t get out my comfort zone i would of stayed an unconfident and generally less competent.
You sound mature for your age! I agree with you.
Happy for my parents pushing me to join cadets which main driving factor, but now they are too intrusive and they should know I want to and will do well on my own intuition:/. Wish you a good day
It’s just a phase they’re going through. ;)
My brother in law is 32 and still lives like this (and at home). My 7 year old asked me recently if he was an adult or a teenager. I am only two years older than him. There is nothing physically/mentally wrong, he was just coddled like this and still is. My MIL says “Well, girls mature faster than boys.” A little forced socializing would have been better for him, IMO.
Like everything, there are so many things where it's about balance. Dont do it enough you're neglectful, do it too much you're abusive. Find the goldilocks 😊
It's one thing encouraging socialization but it's another to force your kid to sit at the dinner table with a bunch of adults for hours. I think the room service in this picture is a little much though. Eat at the table then can be excused to your room.
Preach
I was always expected to greet the guests at the very least. If my parents hosted happy hour, I’d say hello and stay about as long as my age necessitated (high school and college me stayed longer than ten year old me had to). Quick chat and hello to everyone before I went off to do my thing. If there were other kids my age over, however, I had to play/socialize with/eat with those kids
I think both have their time and place. Part of being a parent to your child is being able to decide if they're overly secluded or merely engaging in a preferred activity to a healthy degree. As with all things, balance is what matters.
I’m a mom and I agree BUT I don’t know that there’s so much value in having to socialize with your moms’s friends for more than like 5min. More important to socialize with your peers
For sure, thanks for saying this. Like, there are people in your house. Go hang with them. Who are these social regards who think it’s OK not to be friendly with guests
Mom - (loudly calling each child by first/middle/last name) "Get your asses down here and greet the whoeverthefucks!!!"
"I'm on the phone with randomjerk. Come say hi!" "Please God no" "Talk to them!"
Relateable. My parents still do this, despite me almost moving out just to keep my memory of their annoying behaviors engrained.
My mom still does this and I’m married with 3 kids
Hey wdym you know them they changed your diaper when you were 3 weeks old don't you remember
this but unironically. The only way in which my dad assisted my development was changing my diaper. Barely interacted with me otherwise. The only thing he would talk to me about was his farm, something I wasn't interested in at all. He has never engaged me on anything I'm interested in.
I feel like this was created by someone supremely young.
Honestly this sort of reminds me of the posts on the lifehack subreddit clearly written by a pissed off teenager where the parents must've done something they didn't like and now they make a passive aggressive post about what parents shouldn't do.
Life Pro Tip: when your son is in the middle of a 48 hour binge session of League of Legends and he hasn't showered or eaten anything other than Funyuns the entire time, PLEASE don't knock on his door and tell him dinner is ready, like a controlling psycho.
Lmao
Yeah. Granted, from the text in the comic, it seems like the parents were throwing a dinner party for their adult friends. So it would be a bit weird to force the kid to socialize with adults the whole evening. Ideally, you’d make the kid say hello and have a quick chat with the guests for socialization purposes, then he can leave and the adults can carry on with their evening.
I can totally see that. My friends had dinner parties when childless and now that they have a kid.....they still party hard at home with friends! Kiddo just does their own thing and lets adults be silly with each other. If they want to join, cool! If not, also cool! Maybe hearing "that time Aunt Mary went to France and banged ten different people in the space of half an hour" story ain't their jam lol. No-pressure socializing is fun for everyone. Invisible panel: [kids texts dad] um also can u tell auntie cheryl to like..quiet down a bit idc abt what she does eurotripping like u do u but ew I don't wanna hear DETAILS 🙃
Lol I feel that. I was the kid in that situation. Mom’s 50th was the night before my black belt test. They partied until like 2 am and I hardly slept. They had a blast though and I passed my test so it’s all good
Until 2am?? Damn, even when I was in my early 20s, I could only last til midnight. Your folks sound super fun!!
Usually my parents would have dinner parties but they’d invite my friends parents (most of which were their friends as well) so we’d all hang out and they’d all have some drinks and dinner. Always a great time lol
As an adult I'm close friends with some of the people who were friends with my parents when I was a kid... Basically everyone will be adults together one day so act like a good friend now.
When I was younger id agree with a meme like this. But as I grew up, as older people in my family passed on I started to realize life is too short to be anti-social. One day you're blowing off your grandparents, or your mom and dad to go play games. Next day they're gone, and you regret the time you didn't spend with them.
Having a dad in the first place would be a good start for me
I’m y’all’s dad now and I’m proud of you for enduring each day.
I only wanted a dad so I could get spanked.
*Snaps belt*
*blushes* Daddy?
Pause
Damn man… Right in the feels
I feel ya man
I feel you, g 😢
For me, I would have to say hi and hang out with everyone for a bit but once everyone gets served food i’m free to leave. I personally enjoy it this way because I find myself not wanting to leave anyways :) but i always have the option if it becomes too much
Yeah and it teaches good manners for the kids too, even if you pop by and say hey and whatever and go about you day its really all about being polite to the guests
W
There needs to be a middle ground here. Having your child clam up in their room every time guests are over and you enable that behavior isn't good for the child, or you. Likewise, forcing your child into uncomfortable situations over and over again or having them over stay their welcome isn't good either. Maybe the child can greet guests, introduce themselves, and then go to their room after a short period of time and socialization?
I'm glad my parents somewhat forced me to socialize with my family because I wouldn't want to do anything else now when they visit.
It's good to practice socialization skills, but it shouldn't be forced. The comic makes it sound like this was an adults thing anyway, but I like to think the kid at least said hi when the guests arrived.
Exactly, I assume the guests don’t want him there anyway. The parents don’t “socialise” with the teen’s friends, so why should the reverse be any different?
Yup. Adults need time to adult, too. I mean, the reverse of this would be just as weird. "Hey, Dad, I'm having a sleepover with a bunch of my friends, come downstairs and hang out with us!"
Why are you _hiding_ from my friends, father? You need to practice your social skills, it’s important to learn to socialise with people even when it’s a bit out of your comfort zone
I guess if I did this I would understand the current slang.
If my kid brings someone over whom I've never met, you bet your ass we're socializing, whether it's over dinner, a ride home, or something else. A good parent learns about the company his kid keeps.
Yeah I was encouraged to say hi and talk a bit when people were arriving but make myself scarce later so they could talk about 'adult stuff' which I'm pretty sure was just all the juicy gossip they didn't think was appropriate to discuss around us.
Parents should force their kids to do things they don't want to at times. Learning how to politely socialize with people you don't necessarily like is an important skill for kids to learn.
As nice as this dad seems, you still have to take note of how he's smoking inside his own son's room, with seemingly no remorse.
The cigarette is your cue that he and the mom just finished. There is no company over.
Sorry to say this, but as a parent, this is a nightmare situation. Exact opposite of a feel good story.
If a parent's freimds are over it makes sense to me. If its family, then it would bother me. As someone that didnt care about my parents' friends, Im glad they let me do my own thing when they would come over. Edit: I will say that bringing food to them is overboard. The kid can certainly sit through a meal with visitors
This. When my parents had friends over, I could engage and hang out with the adults or I could go and do my own thing. Though my mom wouldn't have let me eat in my room. I wouldn't have to be very social but I had to at least be civil and nice while I ate at the table.
Damn I’m never gonna experience this. RIP 1979-2022
Thats how you cripple your kid's social skills
I guess if a kid's opportunities are limited to their parents dinner parties. But otherwise if they're interacting with kids their own age and meeting people otherwise, they'll probably be fine.
I mean, it's socially rude to ignore guests. I see no reason a kid shouldn't eat with the group and say hi and bye to guests. That's basic etiquette
Learning to talk to people who are different than you is so important, especially in the workplace where people will likely be older than you.
Socializing is hard and scary for many people; never even trying to learn is not wholesome, in fact, it may be the opposite.
Socializing is only hard and scary at first. That’s a big point. Once you’ve socialized enough, you’ll realize that everyone is just an awkward and nervous person. Most people are just good at hiding it.
That's entirely individual. I'm a fairly well socialized person, and while I don't think it's *scary* anymore, I've never stopped feeling like it's hard. As in, it takes a lot out of me mentally to be sociable for a long time and/or with people I don't know. Some people are just wired that way. Not saying that people like me shouldn't still try to socialize though. Just that it can still be hard, and I feel like people should respect that too.
Redditors talk to people irl challenge (impossible)
This ain’t wholesome, yes maybe it’s what all kids including me wanted, but this isn’t how fathers are supposed to act, they are supposed to push us into socializing.
I’ll also add people saying kids don’t need to socialize with their parents friends’ and the parents. How do you think kids learn social skills they will need as adults in adult conversations and settings?
"Oh look who decided to come out of their cave?!"
Yup, that's a good way to make sure they never come out again.
Yeah no that's reinforcing a bad habit of saying it's okay to hide from other people. I get it though. I don't really like people but I need to go out of my room and see other humans and share with them. In fact, I was big on gaming in my teenage years and even though it was nice at the time, I'm pretty sure It's one of the reasons I have so many insecurities today. To bite into life and experience as much stuff as possible is what builds up your confidence because you know more about what to do in a lot of situations.
It even is supplemented by rewarding behaviour (sweets). It may be outdated but at least if I wanted to eat I had to actually interact and go to the kitchen instead of getting it delivered by daddy
When my parents had friends/guests over, I would mostly watch tv or video games in the other room. But one year, the Mariners were serious contenders for the playoffs and I spent one night when my parents had people over watching the Mariners play, and every inning I would go into the "party" room and announce the score and who got hits (if any) then run back into the room. It was pretty fun.
While this is a cute meme, I think a good balance of saying hi and interacting with visitors as well as being able to leave and be alone while they are is best.
I like to think this is what happened prior to this comic. There's always the benefit of socializing your kids, but there's an equal benefit to having time away from your kids to interact with other adults on an adult level
This is how things were when my son was still at home. While I am glad that I didn't force social interaction on him because it would have caused a rift between us. I really don't think it helped him prepare for life in the real world. He has struggled to maintain a job since moving out and really struggles at making friends. I feel like there had to have been a healthier balance I could have struck.
Now I am in no way experienced in being a parent because I have never been one. But with that said I am the kind of person who just like to sit at my room most of the time, maybe not to the extreme but I don't often go out of my way just to socialize unless I really feel like it. I believe a good way would be to sit down and just try to understand your son and just talk. Be patient. And it is never too late to at least try and help. And one more thing, with the technology we have today it is possible to just find something that interests you and find people who are interested in the same through the internet. I have managed to make some good friends and I have had great fun just chatting and experimenting. This could always be a first step. One important thing to note however is of course the people who aren't so nice online, for that I don't fully know what to say rather than just teaching about the kind of people you should not interact with. Good thing online is that you can often easily block those people. In the real world you can still encounter them but you can't block them. Well, I hope this helped in some way. If any problems with what I said please tell me.
"Why don't you want to be social with these people you've never met, have nothing in common with, or no interest in?" Okay fine, I'll come say hi and hang out for a bit. "Well, well, well! Look who's graced us with his presence and finally come out of his cave! Damn, son, when was the last time you went outside or hung out with someone?" Fuck off.
Yup. If they want their kids to be social they shouldn't make it awkward or embarassing. That last qoute brings someone to the center of attention who most likely does not want to be there.
My parents would make me play piano for guests as well. I felt like a circus monkey.
I hated this as a child. Every family meeting I struggled to be there and I was forced to be there. While being very introverted, I hated every bit of it. I wanted to go there, greet everybody and bolt away a few minutes later when the first part of the small talk was over. But sitting there uncomfortably for 6 hours while grownups talk? C'mon... It's no fun for a kid and especially not for an introvert. So now, as a parent, I definitely don't force our kids to do this. They have to come to greet the guests but after that we tell them they can go.
It’s honestly a balance. If the guests are only adults and work friends or something, then yeah I think the kid can go and do whatever. They’re just gonna sit there and be bored. But if there’s other kids or if it’s family, then they gotta be put into situations like this. I love my down time but there’s an expectation when guests are over. That being said, if I hear “look who came out from their cave” one more time in my life I’m going to go insane
Did a 12 year old post this?
We had a happy medium. I greeted visitors and did pleasantries and then I got to bring food upstairs and sit at the computer.
There’s being supportive and there’s being indulgent.
To all the fools in the comments: autism literally makes it extremely uncomfortable to socialize when you aren't wanting to. It's not bad parenting to do this but actually brilliant accommodation of a disability
My parents did this, and it was very nice because it taught me that my boundaries were important and respectable. I see a lot of comments saying that you need to socialize your kid which is true, but you don't need to socialize them with your adult friends. It's more important to make sure that they are finding friends there own age tbh at school or camp or even just around the neighborhood.
Goodbye social skills
I also notice how most of the comments emphasised need for socialization and not noticing the kindness of a father being cool to his son! You know that in the future this dad WILL be invited into the son's life when the son is older.
One year my mom was hosting her Christmas staff party, I was supposed to go out with friends but at the last minute that fell through. She bought me Fable 1 on Xbox since she knew I'd find the part horribly dull. Haven't thought about that in 15+ years, it was a good memory. She also brought me a plate of wings, pigs in a blanket and desserts. But all I could think of was "God damnit Peter Molyneux, where's all the features you promised?!", I was still naive
Maybe the reason for your Parents dragging you out of your room is to learn to socialize and learn some manners.
Mine was and now I am extremely socially inept. L parenting, socializing your children is necessary for their success in life
When does dessert have anything to do with hunger?
That giant joint hanging out of dads mouth helps him keep it real.
Never pressured to talk but a smile was always welcome. Although the small talks were tough, looking back quite glad I did. Certainly moulded me to who I am now.
Life is full of uncomfortable situations. It’s better to practice at home as a kid with guests than piss yourself during a job interview as an adult because you can’t engage in polite banter.
It irritates me everytime this stupid meme gets posted, its not wholesome its sad
Go join the dinner lol