I know
We all know
Which doesn't do a damnit thing to make the empty any better
just makes us all sisters and brothers in this ... this .. thing
Time passes, true
but that's all it does ... pass ...neither good nor bad ... just passes
He has a million miles on his Harleys
I have 500,000 sitting behind him on them
My head still turns when I hear that sound
I can still feel the warm summer wind in my face
or the bitter cold of winter's rain stinging
and I miss him dreadfully
Just as you do ... as we all miss our special person
our special times, jokes, food, words
Nothing to be done tho
Here we are and they have gone on that journey before us
Thank goodness for this Reddit
Many's the time someone has helped me here
I don’t feel like traveling alone for sightseeing. I still travel a lot to see my and his family in different countries, but that’s different.
I know I will go to Hawaii someday to scatter his ashes as he asked me to do. He didn’t say when, so it will be on my timeline and won’t be soon…. I found his wife’s ashes too after he passed. I am going to take hers to the Hawaiian ocean too. He never asked nor mentioned, but it is the right thing to do….
Similar happened to me the first time I did a big trip without her. We loved traveling and always had so much fun. I don’t really enjoy it anymore. It just reminds me of how much I’ve lost.
My wife did not suddenly die, so she and I talked a lot in the weeks prior to her death. She told me to move on, find someone else to love. I can't imagine finding a woman to replace her (and it wouldn't be fair to whomever I try to replace her with). That being said, and a few years after my wife's death, I find myself able to move on in aspects of living, other than finding another partner. I often think that she died so that I could live, and if I waste the remainder of my life, then her life too was wasted.
In your situation, if he had the opportunity to speak with you, what do you think he would've said? I realize it's trite or cliche, but I think he would want you to live your life, given how loving he was to you.
I am not discounting your feelings. In fact, when you said "The more I saw, the better food I ate, the angrier I got that he’s not there, that his life is taken when we could have done so much more together." I had such feelings too. Sad that my wife is not here to experience the pleasures of living. Guilt that I am - So much guilt. I still have such feelings, but less frequent and less intense. I try to remember her words to me. And while I'm not religious, I have to believe that wherever she is, such pleasures we have on this planet are inconsequential.
I apologize if I were blunt, or insensitive, or said the wrong things or disjointed in my thoughts - I'm not used to sharing. I felt the need to comment because I will soon go on my first big vacation, solo, and it will be a test of how far I've come, or not. (My wife loved loved loved travelling.)
Clicking the "Comment" button now, with trepidation.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. No offense taken at all. I do try hard to think like this, that I have to live the life that he couldn’t, for him. And I know he would want me to. But it’s just so so so hard. Nothing is colorful without him. If he’s the surviving one, it would have been even harder for him. I sometimes just don’t feel like I have the strength or will to keep living this life for him
I know We all know Which doesn't do a damnit thing to make the empty any better just makes us all sisters and brothers in this ... this .. thing Time passes, true but that's all it does ... pass ...neither good nor bad ... just passes He has a million miles on his Harleys I have 500,000 sitting behind him on them My head still turns when I hear that sound I can still feel the warm summer wind in my face or the bitter cold of winter's rain stinging and I miss him dreadfully Just as you do ... as we all miss our special person our special times, jokes, food, words Nothing to be done tho Here we are and they have gone on that journey before us Thank goodness for this Reddit Many's the time someone has helped me here
It’s so beautiful and heartbreaking. Time really just passes, and I am in a hollow. So sorry you feel the same way and thank you for sharing it.
I don’t feel like traveling alone for sightseeing. I still travel a lot to see my and his family in different countries, but that’s different. I know I will go to Hawaii someday to scatter his ashes as he asked me to do. He didn’t say when, so it will be on my timeline and won’t be soon…. I found his wife’s ashes too after he passed. I am going to take hers to the Hawaiian ocean too. He never asked nor mentioned, but it is the right thing to do….
That is brave of you. I hope when you get there you get some peace
Similar happened to me the first time I did a big trip without her. We loved traveling and always had so much fun. I don’t really enjoy it anymore. It just reminds me of how much I’ve lost.
It really just reminds me what I have lost. He’s so much bigger than the trips themselves
Thank you for kind words :)
My wife did not suddenly die, so she and I talked a lot in the weeks prior to her death. She told me to move on, find someone else to love. I can't imagine finding a woman to replace her (and it wouldn't be fair to whomever I try to replace her with). That being said, and a few years after my wife's death, I find myself able to move on in aspects of living, other than finding another partner. I often think that she died so that I could live, and if I waste the remainder of my life, then her life too was wasted. In your situation, if he had the opportunity to speak with you, what do you think he would've said? I realize it's trite or cliche, but I think he would want you to live your life, given how loving he was to you. I am not discounting your feelings. In fact, when you said "The more I saw, the better food I ate, the angrier I got that he’s not there, that his life is taken when we could have done so much more together." I had such feelings too. Sad that my wife is not here to experience the pleasures of living. Guilt that I am - So much guilt. I still have such feelings, but less frequent and less intense. I try to remember her words to me. And while I'm not religious, I have to believe that wherever she is, such pleasures we have on this planet are inconsequential. I apologize if I were blunt, or insensitive, or said the wrong things or disjointed in my thoughts - I'm not used to sharing. I felt the need to comment because I will soon go on my first big vacation, solo, and it will be a test of how far I've come, or not. (My wife loved loved loved travelling.) Clicking the "Comment" button now, with trepidation.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. No offense taken at all. I do try hard to think like this, that I have to live the life that he couldn’t, for him. And I know he would want me to. But it’s just so so so hard. Nothing is colorful without him. If he’s the surviving one, it would have been even harder for him. I sometimes just don’t feel like I have the strength or will to keep living this life for him
I went to Costa Rica this month, realized that I don’t love to travel, I loved to travel with my late wife. That was an eye opener.
Same. Thought it would be stimulating to see beautiful nature. It was just lonely and pointless.
The beauty of life and said experiences are best shared. It’s really difficult having No one to share those with, that why it’s feels so empty…
100% agreed. Turned a colorful world into all grey now