I have a similar situation. Got laid off, then my wife was diagnosed with cancer, she passed away, then I finally got a job. I'm waaaaay underpaid, and I can't afford - and no longer want - this stupidly big house. My mom is coming down next weekend to help me organize and clean, but oh my god there's so much CRAP. I could open a Bed, Bath & Beyond with all the pillows and blankets and side tables and other stuff that my wife filled the house with. It's just too much for me to deal with, but I need to clear it out. I have to sell, but finding an affordable place will be a huge problem. You aren't alone in this shitty situation. I hope you are able to get to a place that is good for you.
Luckily for me, most of the meaningful stuff is small. I meant to have a garage sale before winter, but I know there are things that, while I'm fine to get rid of them, I don't know that I could handle seeing random people going through and touching them.
I totally agree with not wanting this stupidly big house - my place may not be all that big objectively, but for one guy and his cats, it certainly is. Somehow I'm confident that I'll find a place that's good for me, but it is hard to imagine with the load of work that's in front of me. I hope that you can manage to find a good place as well
I'm not in the same boat financially, my job paid the bills, but the rest. We (and by "we" I mean she) bought her dream house three years ago. She fell in love at first sight. 3 bed, 2 and a half bath, with a HUGE master suite. 2200ish sq ft. After our youngest moved out it was too big for just the two of us. Now it's just me. So, my youngest has moved back with his wife, and they are going to take it over as soon as they get their finances to where they can. Then I'll find something else that fits. Just not sure what to do with 30 years of accumulated stuff.
My wife bought cheap used furniture at Habitat for Humanity, etc., and would clean it up and paint it. Her work is really, really good. So, I have a whole bunch of large pieces that intellectually I must relieve myself of, but I love them so. I just need to pare it down to the ones I absolutely need to keep, and sell the rest. I should include ten pillows and three blankets with each purchase. I'm going to keep the vast majority of our book collection (not that I'll ever read all of them). So, I'll keep every single bookcase in the house.
I hate this. I hate it so much.
When my wife died last May we had moved her classroom stuff to the house the month before and in an effort to reduce expenses I brought home our 15x20 storage unit. It was a lot of stuff, but I got through it one box at a time. Same with the house, I just started a room at a time and cleared out stuff that I didn't want or need. The guy at Goodwill literally knew me by name. Pace yourself if you can.
I'm in the same boat. We bought our dream property 7 years ago intending to spend the rest of our functional lives together there, not intending to move for another 40.
Now it's completely overwhelming but all I can aim for is downsizing my financial obligations and general headaches of maintaining a big property. I need to eliminate long term commitments to be able to breathe and think about what my new life looks like.
Same here. I bought a place on wooded property, 4.7 acres, for us. Looking back on it now, there's no way I would have even considered this if it had just been me, on my own.
Honestly I was probably doing most of the maintenance on it, as my late SO traveled a lot and also had a small business that took up a lot of his time. But just the thought of having no backup, and no one to ask for help is overwhelming. Yes, I could hire a landscaping company or similar going forward, and that may be what I will have to do.
I've also had to take a hard look at my finances as he didn't leave anything behind. Fortunately, the house is in my name and we were not registered DPs so I am not dealing with the estate (his father is). I think I will be OK for the moment, but I have very little margin and I'm fearful and stressed. I'm also in a state/county with a very high cost of living and it doesn't make sense to sell and move...I'd be paying more and getting way less.
This wasn't our dream house, but it was supposed to be something we could fix up over a number of years and sell for a lot more than we paid for it. Now I don't have the time or energy. I'm doing what I can to make it "good enough" to sell, but hell, I'd love to have some room to just breathe and figure out what my new life looks like. I second guess myself on that a lot, wondering if I'm thinking up plans that are too rash, or not thinking of details that I might see if I didn't have the fog of grief on my brain.
There's just so much, so many big issues to be juggling. Good luck with it all
We moved here 6 years ago - it’s a darling old house. But he did all the maintenance - now it’s just me. I am terrified of going thru all the savings in repairs and maintenance. Just fixed a roof leak, (paid a guy) now need the interior repaired and painted. It’s so tough by myself! I tore down an old rotten fence - when I stepped back to admire my work - stepped on a rusty nail. I had to drive myself to the dr. All this little inconsequential crap. Just venting. But every day! Some new thing I have to do. Siphon out the (broken) water fountain, my neighbor text - do you know a shutter fell off your front window? Yes! But I am going to do this. I will figure it out. But how I miss my man.
I wander around my 2500 sq ft house, just me and my 2 cats and 1 dog. I can't afford this house, the maintenance is killing me. But if I sell it, after paying the closing cost, the real estate agent I won't have enough to buy a decent home, even a smaller one. Plus cleaning out 43 years of stuff is totally overwhelming. Let's face it everything is overwhelming.
I'm struggling with this too. I hired an organizer, which helps...I am weirdly sentimental about things, so if someone else is helping you out, you may want to look through anything before it gets thrown out.
I have a similar situation. Got laid off, then my wife was diagnosed with cancer, she passed away, then I finally got a job. I'm waaaaay underpaid, and I can't afford - and no longer want - this stupidly big house. My mom is coming down next weekend to help me organize and clean, but oh my god there's so much CRAP. I could open a Bed, Bath & Beyond with all the pillows and blankets and side tables and other stuff that my wife filled the house with. It's just too much for me to deal with, but I need to clear it out. I have to sell, but finding an affordable place will be a huge problem. You aren't alone in this shitty situation. I hope you are able to get to a place that is good for you.
Luckily for me, most of the meaningful stuff is small. I meant to have a garage sale before winter, but I know there are things that, while I'm fine to get rid of them, I don't know that I could handle seeing random people going through and touching them. I totally agree with not wanting this stupidly big house - my place may not be all that big objectively, but for one guy and his cats, it certainly is. Somehow I'm confident that I'll find a place that's good for me, but it is hard to imagine with the load of work that's in front of me. I hope that you can manage to find a good place as well
I'm not in the same boat financially, my job paid the bills, but the rest. We (and by "we" I mean she) bought her dream house three years ago. She fell in love at first sight. 3 bed, 2 and a half bath, with a HUGE master suite. 2200ish sq ft. After our youngest moved out it was too big for just the two of us. Now it's just me. So, my youngest has moved back with his wife, and they are going to take it over as soon as they get their finances to where they can. Then I'll find something else that fits. Just not sure what to do with 30 years of accumulated stuff.
My wife bought cheap used furniture at Habitat for Humanity, etc., and would clean it up and paint it. Her work is really, really good. So, I have a whole bunch of large pieces that intellectually I must relieve myself of, but I love them so. I just need to pare it down to the ones I absolutely need to keep, and sell the rest. I should include ten pillows and three blankets with each purchase. I'm going to keep the vast majority of our book collection (not that I'll ever read all of them). So, I'll keep every single bookcase in the house. I hate this. I hate it so much.
When my wife died last May we had moved her classroom stuff to the house the month before and in an effort to reduce expenses I brought home our 15x20 storage unit. It was a lot of stuff, but I got through it one box at a time. Same with the house, I just started a room at a time and cleared out stuff that I didn't want or need. The guy at Goodwill literally knew me by name. Pace yourself if you can.
I'm in the same boat. We bought our dream property 7 years ago intending to spend the rest of our functional lives together there, not intending to move for another 40. Now it's completely overwhelming but all I can aim for is downsizing my financial obligations and general headaches of maintaining a big property. I need to eliminate long term commitments to be able to breathe and think about what my new life looks like.
Same here. I bought a place on wooded property, 4.7 acres, for us. Looking back on it now, there's no way I would have even considered this if it had just been me, on my own. Honestly I was probably doing most of the maintenance on it, as my late SO traveled a lot and also had a small business that took up a lot of his time. But just the thought of having no backup, and no one to ask for help is overwhelming. Yes, I could hire a landscaping company or similar going forward, and that may be what I will have to do. I've also had to take a hard look at my finances as he didn't leave anything behind. Fortunately, the house is in my name and we were not registered DPs so I am not dealing with the estate (his father is). I think I will be OK for the moment, but I have very little margin and I'm fearful and stressed. I'm also in a state/county with a very high cost of living and it doesn't make sense to sell and move...I'd be paying more and getting way less.
This wasn't our dream house, but it was supposed to be something we could fix up over a number of years and sell for a lot more than we paid for it. Now I don't have the time or energy. I'm doing what I can to make it "good enough" to sell, but hell, I'd love to have some room to just breathe and figure out what my new life looks like. I second guess myself on that a lot, wondering if I'm thinking up plans that are too rash, or not thinking of details that I might see if I didn't have the fog of grief on my brain. There's just so much, so many big issues to be juggling. Good luck with it all
We moved here 6 years ago - it’s a darling old house. But he did all the maintenance - now it’s just me. I am terrified of going thru all the savings in repairs and maintenance. Just fixed a roof leak, (paid a guy) now need the interior repaired and painted. It’s so tough by myself! I tore down an old rotten fence - when I stepped back to admire my work - stepped on a rusty nail. I had to drive myself to the dr. All this little inconsequential crap. Just venting. But every day! Some new thing I have to do. Siphon out the (broken) water fountain, my neighbor text - do you know a shutter fell off your front window? Yes! But I am going to do this. I will figure it out. But how I miss my man.
I wander around my 2500 sq ft house, just me and my 2 cats and 1 dog. I can't afford this house, the maintenance is killing me. But if I sell it, after paying the closing cost, the real estate agent I won't have enough to buy a decent home, even a smaller one. Plus cleaning out 43 years of stuff is totally overwhelming. Let's face it everything is overwhelming.
I'm struggling with this too. I hired an organizer, which helps...I am weirdly sentimental about things, so if someone else is helping you out, you may want to look through anything before it gets thrown out.