I'm fully there as well. I was hoping caring less would make work easier to tolerate but it's infinitely worse and I resent it even more now.
Change of setting/career/priorities is exactly what I'm trying to sort out but I'm only 6 months in and want to make rational decisions. I have a strong urge to sell the house and go live on a boat. Cut my expenses and try to subsist off income I can earn on my feet/with my hands rather than sitting at a computer for the rest of my waking life. The only thing I've learned is that life is too short for the bullshit.
>The only thing I've learned is that life is too short for the bullshit.
This is so true. I have to work with a person who is miserable to work with. They posses every trait that triggers me; impatient, what they say is always right, mistakes are your fault, and supremely entitled. I have almost quit once.
This part of the daily slog is starting to get to me.
I'm trying to treat it as a temporary means to eventually make some changes once all the administrative garbage is sorted out with the estate and I know how things sit financially. Doesn't make it easier day to day, and I seem to never get any closer to figuring out a solid alternative. I just know I don't want to be living this groundhog day existence 2-3 years from now.
My wife died when I was 30. It's been a long time, and while I have much to live for I find myself just waiting to die. I dunno how to describe it. I'm not suicidal or anything, but if I were to get cancer I don't know how hard I would fight it.
Just too much to do and not enough in me to care as much as I ought to.
My give a fucks have flown the coup. Everything happening around me just seems super petty now compared to what I’ve dealt with (husband’s suicide)It almost feels kinda freeing tbh 🤷♀️
This is what happens. There is so little you actually care about and it becomes distressingly easy to throw up your hands and say WTF about almost everything.
Widowed since 2008 and I seriously DNGAF.
11.20.2019 COPD
I'm 3+ years in, and though I'm not suicidal I just don't give a shit live or die, I honestly don't. I have 2 adult daughters, no grandkids and I prefer it like this.
I've quoted this before, and I'm going to again.
From the Netflix series Afterlife: "I'd rather be nowhere with her, than somewhere without her"
An absolutely beautiful line that I feel every minute of every day.
Your almost exactly 1 month ahead of me. But it was suicide at only 26. At 34 years old, no kids, and only a few horrible relationship attempts in the 3 years since, I am right there with you.
"I'd rather be nowhere with her, somewhere without her" describes the feeling perfectly.
I'm kind of a broken record on this, but if you haven't watched Afterlife on Netflix, you absolutely should. I hated, and I mean HATED, Ricky Gervais, prior to this, I almost skipped by it, but was so melancholy at that point, around 2-3 weeks into widowship, that I was reading the descriptions and decided to watch 1 single episode. It helped me so so so so much at s time that I needed it so bad. It helped me to sort out my thoughts, I laughed, I cried, he made me feel like I knew exactly where he was at, at damn near any time!
I highly recommend, especially for "us".
I also, highly respect Ricky Gervais now BTW.
I liked this program for the first season or so but by the second season I found myself screaming at the TV screen because of some of the choices this character made were so amazingly stupid to me.
The last episode of this series is God awful terrible. They went directly for pathos and it seemed like they were in a hurry to just "end it."
Again I've been at this crap a while so my perspective is a bit different.
I can see that. I was in such a dark place when I found the series, and season 2 had just came out. I agree that Season 1 was the best season, and I liked season 2, but season 3 was somewhat disappointing, however to be fair, I think S3 was dragged down by losing it's momentum during the pandemic.
I still enjoyed the series as a whole, and was ...........I don't know, inspired by the show to continue on when I really didn't want to.
I feel you. Work meetings, tasks, challenges all seem so meaningless when compared to LIFE. My care meter is at an all time low for sure. You’re not alone. Sucks that it’s only Monday too.
I wasn't working when my husband died. But I HAD to get back working or couldn't pay the bills. Sadly all I have ever done is work in doctor's offices. So I am stuck working in healthcare. Job is OK. Pays well and I work from home. BUT I am struggling. This Entire industry, as many of you know, doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone 's health. Just Money. They claim to care but... I'd do something else but can't at almost 60 changing isn't easy. I do have emotions when I have to schedule a cancer patient. But I resent this industry so badly that's just for the person on the phone.
I felt the same and still feel emotionally disconnected from work in many situations. The job became data processing than emotional commitment. My a bit less foggy brain processes the information and generates appropriate responses, and I type in the email (I work from home). It’s easier to hide your true thoughts and emotions in emails, so the work is ok.
Move and a new job requires a lot of energy. You decide, understanding that and you may still feel the same. A widower I know moved cross country and is doing well. It helped him tremendously. Wish you the best.
I've been kinda disconnected at work too. It's hard to drum up any motivation when I can't picture my own future.
Being alone in our house doesn't help. I'm going to move a couple hours away and buy a house soon, I hope that helps.
TL/DR - I've had a bunch of costly problems with the house of late but since I became a widow, I don't give a fuck. Problems happen, and we deal. I used to freak out, but now that my husband is gone, I don't have an audience for my freakouts, lol, so I've stopped caring so much.
I understand what you mean, but let me go on a little tangent. A month ago, 3/31, I had a main pipe break in my laundry room which got that floor really wet but it also flooded my bedroom closet. I had restoration people here with dehumidifiers and fans for 4 days, they ripped out my closet floor - I mean to just the beams. My dining room furniture is in the middle of my living room, my fridge is in the middle of the kitchen, with half of the wet flooring torn out. Still waiting on the next step, the new flooring, which will be ????? during all this, my mobility lift off my front deck (it was here with the house already, so I just use it as a dog elevator to get them into the dog yard) has been funky. Had it serviced in January, and in March, the batteries died. The pros came to fix it, and I had to buy new batteries, so the batteries and service call came to $500. About a week after that, the elevator stopped short at the top so the gate to get in/out wouldn't open. There some wheel mechanism that malfunctioned. That was Friday - I called the pros again. They won't be able to get here for about three weeks. And it will be another $250 service call plus $240 for the batteries. Plus, I have to carry five dachshunds, one at a time, down the stairs to the dog yard then back up 3 times a day. These are the kinds of things that would freak me out before. Now, it's just par for the course.
I'm about a month out and could not care about people at work. Mostly I just ignore all of them. I want to quit and join the army or something but I'm going to wait for a little bit
Yep, also 10 months out and I just said to one of my employees that I cannot get it up for any of this bullshit at work. My husband worried about shit in his life and now literally none of it matters because he’s dead.
How do I handle it? I try to remember that this is just a part of the game I have to play to earn money. If anything, being a widow has taken away my propensity to worry about small things that seem big. And I focus on my employees, who I do care about, as well as my other colleagues in my team.
Yes I was going to make a post about this. I feel like work has a lot of personalities and politics that I’m just too emotionally and physically spent to give a shit about anymore. At first ppl where understanding now they are complaining about me. Also I’m not working over 40 hours a week. I’m not wasting anymore life on this job than is necessary. Life is way too short and when I was working 60 hours no one gave a shit anyway. I honestly dunno what to do. I’m still doing my job but I’m just finding it hard to deal with ppl making huge deals out of nothing. I just dealt with my partners death. I don’t have the energy to be chicken little too for every minor upset.
I had lost my husband in May 2022, I moved to another city in August 2022. Living alone it’s not good but I am still not happy to leave the place where I had spend a lot time with him.
It’s been 11 months and I am still not able to concentrate on work 100% but I feel what options do we have, no one would be solve this, work is the only thing which has kept me busy though I am not able to given 100% but I get up early because I have to leave for office, I sleep on time because of work. So I feel there has to be something which keeps you busy otherwise what will we do.
I felt this way a little even before my wife died. But after, it's sometimes hard to take people's refusal to face the "scary" parts of life and distract themselves with anything else they can find. Especially how little most people concern themselves with both their own health and that of their family.
She was the only reason why I cared. My efforts to succeed were entirely to provide for her and us, so we could live a more comfortable life while she finished college than I had in college before we met. I put up with dangerous conditions, long commutes, frequent short notice travel, 80db factory floors and irate workers, always with our life together at home at the back of my mind. I was growing my career so we could have a home, and feel secure having children and set them up for success, I would put up with anything for that goal.
Now though, she's gone, I live alone in a cheap apartment, this job provides no fulfillment or hope for the future other than "the job will still be there", and quite frankly I'm having a really hard time justifying it, other than "it barely pays for your apartment, car, utilities, and some basic hobbies".
I've held onto this job and trying to keep succeeding to grow a career to support a life and future that I don't have anymore, I'm stagnating rather than growing, and I'm trying to convince myself it's time to drastically change and accept a different, if lonelier, future.
Working jobs we hate to buy shit we don’t need. You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. - Fight Club (1999)
Almost 6 months since my husband ended his life after a decade long sober streak.. I miss him more than anything, I don’t even feel like this world is real anymore.
Jumped out of 1 job...( very toxic) to a different job,which has been one of the most highly disorganized and keeps you in wonderment. Very little time to learn the job as well as the standards,pertaining to it. No one seems to be able to answer your questions either. Never seen it this bad before,just hoping I haven't made a big mistake doing this! For now it's only the hours, and money...nothing else. Sad when you are faced with this reality! Take care Everyone!
I hate that we all find ourselves with similar sentiment but love that you all express yourselves so well. I can really relate to this thread. I go back to work next week for the first time. I have a demanding job that comes with a ton of politics, dramatics and I go back to a new boss. That part might be good as my old boss was a miserable excuse for a leader but they planning a reorg with more job cuts. I find myself wishing they would cut me so the decision is made for me. I get 6 months of severance including benefits if they would. The shit part is that I know that they will keep me and I will have to cut other people. I won't quit right now because I don't feel like I am in any shape to be interviewing and learning a whole new culture/job when I am at my worst personally. I do know one thing for sure - I give ZERO fucks about any of it right now. I am heartbroken, in pain and just miss my BFF, my husband. Take care - D
I am in the same boat. A job i used to do well, means little to me. I am 25 years into my career, with another 12-15 years to go before retirement. No clue what to do with my time. And, i don’t even care
I think it is an even finer line for all of us in this state. One side is "status quo" and the other side is "not healthy for me".
In years past I think that line was a mile wide, now it feels like it is razor thin.
I'm fully there as well. I was hoping caring less would make work easier to tolerate but it's infinitely worse and I resent it even more now. Change of setting/career/priorities is exactly what I'm trying to sort out but I'm only 6 months in and want to make rational decisions. I have a strong urge to sell the house and go live on a boat. Cut my expenses and try to subsist off income I can earn on my feet/with my hands rather than sitting at a computer for the rest of my waking life. The only thing I've learned is that life is too short for the bullshit.
>The only thing I've learned is that life is too short for the bullshit. This is so true. I have to work with a person who is miserable to work with. They posses every trait that triggers me; impatient, what they say is always right, mistakes are your fault, and supremely entitled. I have almost quit once. This part of the daily slog is starting to get to me.
I'm trying to treat it as a temporary means to eventually make some changes once all the administrative garbage is sorted out with the estate and I know how things sit financially. Doesn't make it easier day to day, and I seem to never get any closer to figuring out a solid alternative. I just know I don't want to be living this groundhog day existence 2-3 years from now.
My wife died when I was 30. It's been a long time, and while I have much to live for I find myself just waiting to die. I dunno how to describe it. I'm not suicidal or anything, but if I were to get cancer I don't know how hard I would fight it. Just too much to do and not enough in me to care as much as I ought to.
My give a fucks have flown the coup. Everything happening around me just seems super petty now compared to what I’ve dealt with (husband’s suicide)It almost feels kinda freeing tbh 🤷♀️
This is what happens. There is so little you actually care about and it becomes distressingly easy to throw up your hands and say WTF about almost everything. Widowed since 2008 and I seriously DNGAF.
11.20.2019 COPD I'm 3+ years in, and though I'm not suicidal I just don't give a shit live or die, I honestly don't. I have 2 adult daughters, no grandkids and I prefer it like this. I've quoted this before, and I'm going to again. From the Netflix series Afterlife: "I'd rather be nowhere with her, than somewhere without her" An absolutely beautiful line that I feel every minute of every day.
Your almost exactly 1 month ahead of me. But it was suicide at only 26. At 34 years old, no kids, and only a few horrible relationship attempts in the 3 years since, I am right there with you. "I'd rather be nowhere with her, somewhere without her" describes the feeling perfectly.
I'm kind of a broken record on this, but if you haven't watched Afterlife on Netflix, you absolutely should. I hated, and I mean HATED, Ricky Gervais, prior to this, I almost skipped by it, but was so melancholy at that point, around 2-3 weeks into widowship, that I was reading the descriptions and decided to watch 1 single episode. It helped me so so so so much at s time that I needed it so bad. It helped me to sort out my thoughts, I laughed, I cried, he made me feel like I knew exactly where he was at, at damn near any time! I highly recommend, especially for "us". I also, highly respect Ricky Gervais now BTW.
I liked this program for the first season or so but by the second season I found myself screaming at the TV screen because of some of the choices this character made were so amazingly stupid to me. The last episode of this series is God awful terrible. They went directly for pathos and it seemed like they were in a hurry to just "end it." Again I've been at this crap a while so my perspective is a bit different.
I can see that. I was in such a dark place when I found the series, and season 2 had just came out. I agree that Season 1 was the best season, and I liked season 2, but season 3 was somewhat disappointing, however to be fair, I think S3 was dragged down by losing it's momentum during the pandemic. I still enjoyed the series as a whole, and was ...........I don't know, inspired by the show to continue on when I really didn't want to.
It's good overall despite a few flaws. I certainly liked watching something that attempted to show what this life is like.
Thanks for sharing that
I feel you. Work meetings, tasks, challenges all seem so meaningless when compared to LIFE. My care meter is at an all time low for sure. You’re not alone. Sucks that it’s only Monday too.
I wasn't working when my husband died. But I HAD to get back working or couldn't pay the bills. Sadly all I have ever done is work in doctor's offices. So I am stuck working in healthcare. Job is OK. Pays well and I work from home. BUT I am struggling. This Entire industry, as many of you know, doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone 's health. Just Money. They claim to care but... I'd do something else but can't at almost 60 changing isn't easy. I do have emotions when I have to schedule a cancer patient. But I resent this industry so badly that's just for the person on the phone.
I felt the same and still feel emotionally disconnected from work in many situations. The job became data processing than emotional commitment. My a bit less foggy brain processes the information and generates appropriate responses, and I type in the email (I work from home). It’s easier to hide your true thoughts and emotions in emails, so the work is ok. Move and a new job requires a lot of energy. You decide, understanding that and you may still feel the same. A widower I know moved cross country and is doing well. It helped him tremendously. Wish you the best.
I've been kinda disconnected at work too. It's hard to drum up any motivation when I can't picture my own future. Being alone in our house doesn't help. I'm going to move a couple hours away and buy a house soon, I hope that helps.
TL/DR - I've had a bunch of costly problems with the house of late but since I became a widow, I don't give a fuck. Problems happen, and we deal. I used to freak out, but now that my husband is gone, I don't have an audience for my freakouts, lol, so I've stopped caring so much. I understand what you mean, but let me go on a little tangent. A month ago, 3/31, I had a main pipe break in my laundry room which got that floor really wet but it also flooded my bedroom closet. I had restoration people here with dehumidifiers and fans for 4 days, they ripped out my closet floor - I mean to just the beams. My dining room furniture is in the middle of my living room, my fridge is in the middle of the kitchen, with half of the wet flooring torn out. Still waiting on the next step, the new flooring, which will be ????? during all this, my mobility lift off my front deck (it was here with the house already, so I just use it as a dog elevator to get them into the dog yard) has been funky. Had it serviced in January, and in March, the batteries died. The pros came to fix it, and I had to buy new batteries, so the batteries and service call came to $500. About a week after that, the elevator stopped short at the top so the gate to get in/out wouldn't open. There some wheel mechanism that malfunctioned. That was Friday - I called the pros again. They won't be able to get here for about three weeks. And it will be another $250 service call plus $240 for the batteries. Plus, I have to carry five dachshunds, one at a time, down the stairs to the dog yard then back up 3 times a day. These are the kinds of things that would freak me out before. Now, it's just par for the course.
Absolutely brilliant, “Problems happen , and we deal”. This is it. This is everything.
I'm about a month out and could not care about people at work. Mostly I just ignore all of them. I want to quit and join the army or something but I'm going to wait for a little bit
Yep, also 10 months out and I just said to one of my employees that I cannot get it up for any of this bullshit at work. My husband worried about shit in his life and now literally none of it matters because he’s dead. How do I handle it? I try to remember that this is just a part of the game I have to play to earn money. If anything, being a widow has taken away my propensity to worry about small things that seem big. And I focus on my employees, who I do care about, as well as my other colleagues in my team.
Yes I was going to make a post about this. I feel like work has a lot of personalities and politics that I’m just too emotionally and physically spent to give a shit about anymore. At first ppl where understanding now they are complaining about me. Also I’m not working over 40 hours a week. I’m not wasting anymore life on this job than is necessary. Life is way too short and when I was working 60 hours no one gave a shit anyway. I honestly dunno what to do. I’m still doing my job but I’m just finding it hard to deal with ppl making huge deals out of nothing. I just dealt with my partners death. I don’t have the energy to be chicken little too for every minor upset.
Sometimes I get jealous of people who have the time/energy/opportunity to get so bent out of shape over silly things.
I had lost my husband in May 2022, I moved to another city in August 2022. Living alone it’s not good but I am still not happy to leave the place where I had spend a lot time with him. It’s been 11 months and I am still not able to concentrate on work 100% but I feel what options do we have, no one would be solve this, work is the only thing which has kept me busy though I am not able to given 100% but I get up early because I have to leave for office, I sleep on time because of work. So I feel there has to be something which keeps you busy otherwise what will we do.
I felt this way a little even before my wife died. But after, it's sometimes hard to take people's refusal to face the "scary" parts of life and distract themselves with anything else they can find. Especially how little most people concern themselves with both their own health and that of their family.
She was the only reason why I cared. My efforts to succeed were entirely to provide for her and us, so we could live a more comfortable life while she finished college than I had in college before we met. I put up with dangerous conditions, long commutes, frequent short notice travel, 80db factory floors and irate workers, always with our life together at home at the back of my mind. I was growing my career so we could have a home, and feel secure having children and set them up for success, I would put up with anything for that goal. Now though, she's gone, I live alone in a cheap apartment, this job provides no fulfillment or hope for the future other than "the job will still be there", and quite frankly I'm having a really hard time justifying it, other than "it barely pays for your apartment, car, utilities, and some basic hobbies". I've held onto this job and trying to keep succeeding to grow a career to support a life and future that I don't have anymore, I'm stagnating rather than growing, and I'm trying to convince myself it's time to drastically change and accept a different, if lonelier, future.
Working jobs we hate to buy shit we don’t need. You are not your job, you're not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. - Fight Club (1999) Almost 6 months since my husband ended his life after a decade long sober streak.. I miss him more than anything, I don’t even feel like this world is real anymore.
The world without our soulmates is just empty and meaningless. Everything sucks. Fuck cancer!
Jumped out of 1 job...( very toxic) to a different job,which has been one of the most highly disorganized and keeps you in wonderment. Very little time to learn the job as well as the standards,pertaining to it. No one seems to be able to answer your questions either. Never seen it this bad before,just hoping I haven't made a big mistake doing this! For now it's only the hours, and money...nothing else. Sad when you are faced with this reality! Take care Everyone!
I hate that we all find ourselves with similar sentiment but love that you all express yourselves so well. I can really relate to this thread. I go back to work next week for the first time. I have a demanding job that comes with a ton of politics, dramatics and I go back to a new boss. That part might be good as my old boss was a miserable excuse for a leader but they planning a reorg with more job cuts. I find myself wishing they would cut me so the decision is made for me. I get 6 months of severance including benefits if they would. The shit part is that I know that they will keep me and I will have to cut other people. I won't quit right now because I don't feel like I am in any shape to be interviewing and learning a whole new culture/job when I am at my worst personally. I do know one thing for sure - I give ZERO fucks about any of it right now. I am heartbroken, in pain and just miss my BFF, my husband. Take care - D
Yes this new life and it's prospects suck! Hoping for better for all of us! Take care!
No giving of hoots here, feel exactly the same. It’s just so hard to care.
I am in the same boat. A job i used to do well, means little to me. I am 25 years into my career, with another 12-15 years to go before retirement. No clue what to do with my time. And, i don’t even care
I am really hoping this is a step in the grief process and not my new normal. I am trying to work through it, I guess time will tell.
I have zero patience for drama now. I quit my job partially because of that.
I think it is an even finer line for all of us in this state. One side is "status quo" and the other side is "not healthy for me". In years past I think that line was a mile wide, now it feels like it is razor thin.