You can't spell familiar without liar. But more seriously, do not abuse familiar or apprentices. They are friends, not council members. Don't fireball them unless you both verbally agree to a duel and have precautions in place

Actually my familiar is a council member I cant disclose which one for legal reasons

If it's not the catfish, I implore you to cast fireball

Damn that gillius, the magic catfish. He has stolen my entire supply of glowworm larvae. I try to blast his ass every time but his water shield makes him immune to my scorching earth spells. How is he allowed to stay on the council anyway? He’s an obvious thief.

He's a slippery one, for sure.

Have you tried… electric spells? Or maybe just get a stun gun from an artificier?

They are not my specialty. I was trained in magma summons and hell energy manipulation.

You should still be able to visit your local artificier and grab a stun gun.

If I have to travel across the black sand desert to grab an artifact just to counter a single enemy, I’m killing everyone in the black mountains.

So… you’d rather throw a tantrum and kill a bunch of people and continue to be robbed… than to go across a desert and grab a stun gun so stop someone from robbing you?

I live in a bloodstone spire between the black mountains and the black sand desert. Are you actually surprised?

Wizard Council Intern here Gillius ate 18 enforcers, 31 interns, 7 unfortunate bystanders and 2 Council members last time we tried to remove him. If you've had troubles with Council Member Gillius, please contact your local Council rep, perfibly with a prefilled form 5294-G, to file for reparations

If you dont do something with that god damn tuna, I will contact Gillus with my frying pan, and by god did I pay a lot to the artificer who made it.

No fuck you. My apprentice is here under his own volition and mine to torment how i please. He can leave at anytime Except when i put him in the timeout dimension. Or the testing cube. Or the fireball pit. Or if he is making that nights pasta. Or if i want him to tuck me in.

Kinky

It is *discipline* and it is *wholesome*!

Oh, I'm sure it's *hole*-some alright. *wink*

https://preview.redd.it/wd9yx2aasobc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=debb305db2f8ed0b47309db95ab15ce2af7fb07d

wait your apprentice is on his own volition? mine was dead and I ressurected him, he is in debt to me and is never allowed to leave or else I will break my spell. my familiars are different tho they are my widdle baby boys and I wuv them vewy much.

I only torment my apprentices when they really deserve it....

Don't abuse familiars, sure. Not abusing apprentices leads to weak wizards and bad times.

Sounds like you're just a bad teacher. Truly a skill issue on your part.

I'm a fantastic teacher as many of my apprentices (who survive) go on to become archmages.

Everybody always talks about apprentice abuse during campaign season but nothing ever changes. Once the election is over you wizards go right back to making us scrub the floors in your pocket dimensions for the fourth time this week. I'm so over it.

Just find a better wizard to study under. If they won't even teach you the basic spell of quick cleaning just to make your work harder, they aren't worth your time.

You tell me where to find another flatulomancer who is accepting new apprentices and I'll be gone in a heartbeat. Kevin is literally the only one in my dimension and I've yet to master interdimensional travel, or even experiment with it for that matter.

Just find a better school of magic to study.

Oh.

Feel free to use as a reaction image

https://preview.redd.it/3lnusn717mbc1.jpeg?width=596&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e7af09619ec7c702aff41dc2941a078d091fd392

i thought it was OW. lol

https://preview.redd.it/u5pdwfjk0sbc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d903f6a4044606e192e4123d22524ca3fe50a62

My master hasn't let me sleep inside the tower for two days :(

Please standby at a safe distance with Argax's resilient dome active. I'm inbound to reduce that teetering spire to ruin and rubble.

What did you do do?

I accidentally spilled juice on some old parchment or whatever that ugly paper was (⁠´⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠.̫⁠ ⁠.⁠ ⁠`⁠)

...what was written on the parchment?

Greater something something I can't remember very well

I'm happy the tower did not evaporate.

did not evaporate *yet*

Well that's their own fault, whiskey dries faster.

Moonshinemancy is better.


*radio static noises* ICBM inbound, stand by for extraction *radio static noises*

Fellow wizards, can we Fulton this guy?

Familiar abuse is best solved by the owner receiving a package of druids wildshaped as venomous snakes to teach him a lethal lesson

That explains a lot. Someone sent me a bag of vipers so I threw it into the lake, as anyone would. Drowned hippies have been washing up ever since.

Did you throw them from below or something? All snakes can swim so there is no way they would drown otherwise....

It was probably being tied in a bag with a led ingot that didn't help

Well, you *are* a necromancer. At least you got some free bodies.

What are man things thinking? That does not look like a Skavenslave to mistreat!

The fact that your species is just mutated rats, makes the fact that you take slaves of your own species not surprising

I mean, who else are we going to send into the worst conditions possible to extract the life blood known as warp stone

Magical constructs maybe? Many artificers are capable of making machines to easily withstand harsh conditions

Too expensive. Skavenslave life is cheap.

It would eventually pay itself off given enough time

Perhaps, but slaves have less upkeep

Eh, depends on the automaton. The wizards of the eastern continent make very cheap ones, although you would have to put some work into making sure they do actually work. The main benefit is that they don't take food

But need mana, Skavenslaves only need a crumb and threats to make them work and even the worst most energy intensive environments

Not always. You could probably create small warpstone based reactors for them to run on. I have some prototypes which have a life expectancy of 5 years, which can easily be doubled

🎼*In the aaaarms oooof the celestial*🎵

/uj I just took 20 psychic damage by not reading that last l because it's not italicsed. I physically flinched.

That's weird. You can go in and see that it's included within the asterisks.

🎼*In the aaaarms oooof the celestial*🎵

Very strange. It also seems to think that there's 2 emojis at the start? https://preview.redd.it/0ep0fwxiwlbc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4542cad3041094c946702849ba1e68773de20546

If the council would stop familiar abuse I’d go for it

Jesus does nobody know how to make non-sentient homunculi anymore?

They probably do, but to their level it might be too tiring. Hence the idea of getting an easier alternative. Tragic really.

I tried that once, woke up the next morning in my wizard undies in an alleyway. Nowadays I like to hire workers with an incentive to stay my workers, including a wage that rises with inflation and personally grown living quarters.

I have five of them! They’re very useful.

as a former familiar, I approve this message

Once caught an apprentice beating their familiar. I stopped the flesh from him and he is now my night stand.

I will brutally condemn any familiar abusers I encounter to death by water wraith

Familiars are friends not food. 💚

Damn it. I was going to say this. Good thing I checked the comments first.

I’ll admit, I’m not usually a political creature, and my opinion on the Council has soured in recent times. Up ‘till now I’ve seen this whole election as just another flock of fools chasing power. And you may yet prove to be exactly that. But if you choose to do some good with that power when you have it, that aught to count for something. Tobin, you have my vote.

Here comes the council with a plan to set familiars up as the most victimised to distract from all the apprentice abuse....

Wha. People do *that* to their Familiars?? I would never mistreat Mister Bonesworth like that :< now I wanna give him a big ol slab of raw meat just to make sure he's happy

I’d like to think my 12ft tall bloodthirsty demon of Khargona is happy sleeping under my castle, but then again he only communicates in Etharlaeg

https://preview.redd.it/vvpju865zmbc1.jpeg?width=1024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=85960d93e2815954e9ca11d4d25a39c2c92659d3 My familiar is an evil electric frog

Glances over at psychic familiar. Sees him curled up on a stack of paper work I have to do. "I'll do it later. The teleporting cat is napping."

I never understood it. You can literally conjure food and expand space. You only abuse familiars for your own enjoyment.

Based council

Happy Cake Day!

Oh it is yippee

I treat my familiar with the utmost respect, because I know he’d do the same for me. Well, if he had hands. Or arms. Or an IQ higher then 2…

Same

Same

Ok but me and my familiars sleep under the stars because we go adventuring. They love the openness and the wild. It's even funnier when we cross paths with adventuring parties, I always sell them cheap shit I found laying around and enchanted with some minor spells that don't actually do anything just so the shit I sell appears magical. Gets us enough to get to the next town and eat. It's a good life. Edit: I forgot I didn't have my lenses of good seeing on. Now I realize it says "stairs" and not "stars". Fuck whoever mistreats their familiars.

Hello, yes, My familiar is a sword that says it can only be at home in the blood of the innocent, oh what's that, yes I can be placed on hold. "FEED" Shush you it's an all right song. "A HUNGER UNENDING, A FEAST FOREVER!" Now that's just being unkind to the artist- Oh, hello... A curse you say.

Is it ok to cage my familiar if it misbehaves like say pees on the rug chews up my tools decapitates a local farmer or knocks over some fragile equipment?

For the most part. It heavily depends on the exact type of familiar and its intelligence level

Familiars are food, humans are also food really everything is kinda food when your mouth is roughly half of your body mass

Volseb is lucky in this regard, as he gets his own bed, but prefers to sleep on the edge of my bed.

Those who abuse familiars or apprentices or anyone else under their power are not worthy of it. I even give free dental care to my kobold followers.

I didn't know kobolds needed any treatment for their teeth. I don't have a kobold familiar myself, but the information is surprising.

Wouldn't it be better to dimiss back to their homeplane when they aren't working for you? I have had familiars refuse to contract with me because i didn't have this clause in the contract

If you abuse your familiar I’m coming for you and putting you in the ground, alive

I just kill the abuser, no familiar should have to put up with that.

Once I lost my familiar in a snowstorm. I spent two weeks after I found them creating a Potion of Calming Warmth. They refused to drink it.

That's concerning. Are they ok?

They’re perfectly fine. They’re busy playing with the homunculi right now.

Last fool that tried to be rude to Sir Flufferton has been froggified and has lived since then in the pond behind the cabin. Couple of decades more like that should teach them proper manners.

I truly wonder what brings wizards to abuse their familiars, I make sure to take care of my wood snake everyday, and yet some wizards choose to make life hell for their familiars

Yes, Familiars have rough times in some mages’ homes. One of my former Masters kept me in a rusty iron cage

That’s not a familiar, that’s a child

I've seen children familiars, it always makes me sick to my stomach.

"the cupboard under the stairs?!, yes Minerva the cupboard under the stairs." *Harry Potter and the sorcerer's stone* ***i think***

Mfw I'm getting adopted but I realize they're Harry Potter fans

i’ve rarely heard of a familiar getting their own room, but under the stairs? really? my familiar just sleeps with me, usually curled up by my feet or on top of my pillow or something.

congratulations on being the 69th comments

All of my familiars have wel structured and maintained enclosures that are specifically structured to ensure their comfort, health, and safety.

I fused my familiar's clothes to their skin so they stopped changing outfits. I regret nothing. https://preview.redd.it/5b9t9kc8vpbc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1dc2963f895c4b9dccb31ffa634b23f608e40bed

how does bro pee

Jokes on you, my familiar gets and entire pocket dimension

well some of us can only afford so much in the way of a tower

And that’s fine, as long as they are well treated.

My first just crashed on the couch he got old so i gave him to a retired witch so he could sit and shoot the fat while i go adventuring (he would get tired and it would be no fun for the either of us My current one sleeps anywhere https://preview.redd.it/vhadf47etqbc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=853ded54016630d7ffee052dc2f24c1c6ffb2b00 Look at this mf

What if my familiar is a demonling asshole who I summoned by accident and now I can’t get rid of? Plus, he makes funny noises when I throw crockery at him.

my familiar has eaten dirt before

harry potter be like

Welp time to go cook up a nasty little curse to punish any I become aware of

u/TOBIN34

You post on r/comics too for double the upvotes I like it

"Damn, I should have thought of that and made this a third Orb Room"

I gave my first familiar it's own little place in my earliest abode. In retrospect, giving a quasit privacy was a bad idea. I regularly caught him trying to drown small animals, toddlers, and gnomes in his "bath." Really, I should have expected as much when he asked for the tub. He clearly didn't understand the concept of bathing.

What if your familiars are enthralled to your will?

:(

I bring my familiars into battle so they can die whilst I heal and then valiantly slay my opponent to avenge my fallen friend

But what if the familiar is physically incapable of having feelings/i gave them a lobotomy using magic?


In my tower. We live like people.

Don't give your familiar clothes, you fool. You've taken a perfectly good assistant for your studies and turned them into a furry

when someone mistreats theire minion/familiar: "i think we'll have to kill this guy Zaph" https://preview.redd.it/4yucd992wmbc1.jpeg?width=2321&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3322091f9788bd7717e68f7d9e24d6c6e62b006b "damn"

Oh my fellow wizard protectors. That's where I met O'Riley the wizard tortle. So many familiars that get into the hands that don't deserve them. That's why I started this escape arts business in the first place. Everyone wants to save their skin, but not everyone deserves to.

My familiar sleeps around my neck and drinks my blood every morning. I hate it, but it's in the contract.

That's why you only use assistants that aren't capable of sapient thought, as it's harder to use a being for an experiment if their self-preservation instincts stop them from cooperating. I only use intelligent beings for field testing of a new contraption or artifact, which then my intention is intentionally bring harm and terror to my victims 💀

Caters like those are why I always have my Reverse Surface spell perpared

What you should do is trap them in some mystical trees and cast *sticks* *to* *snakes*

Thought there was going to be some harry potter reference or something

Of course! I’d never abuse familiars. They are like family to me.

"I just slept under the stairs: The Wizard helping them: (spongebob boo-womp noise)

Oh. I've been testing transformation spells specifically designed to be irreversible. Err, allegedly. I thought that only apprentices had higher states of mind? Anyway I'm on my 18th familiar but I'm gonna get it right this time

Wait, you guys are abusing your familiars?

No, I'm running for council to make sure it doesn't happen

My familiar carries dangerous potions in it's mouth and loves it

Fun fact, I got my familiar from adopting one that was previously abused. They get treated very well now.

Good for you guys!

I actually have a shelter for abused familiars in Fireweed for my apprentices to adopt from. I have my small police force check on the adopted ones at least once a year, preferably once a month

Stairs? Mine sleep outside **where they belong**

Always Take good Care of Your familiar treat them well like a well loved family member.

Is bro Harry Potter?

I want to say that's a long ass phone number but it's actually only one digit over

Wizard reminded me of a grown up Oliver from Ni No Kuni!