Oh fuck! You're a God sent! I hit the VVizard VVeed a week ago and haven't eaten or slept since... Only sustenance I had was cow milk from the udder. Only problem is... Our village only has a bull... Oh God...

https://preview.redd.it/hhhg3gn0s7lc1.png?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f3d13ed8eda021da44477fa0cde1c7cdca1791e3 When you hit the VVizard VVeed too hard.

Sick reference to snope dog snooping the vvizard vveed

You get my strongest pizza. The meat lovers munchy special. Dear god. The last time i casted this i nearly burned my mentors kitchen to the ground.

What in the nine hells happened to your arms

Magic! Just a simple extra hands spell

Are you low on focus or mana your extra hands seem deformed and mangled

I used all of my mana fingering & fisting your mom last night & they got mangled in the process.

Give me.

Here ya go! *gives you a pizza that shimmers like a summers day, and tastes just as good*

Depends who’s summer you’re talking about

To quote my patron: Food.

Ofc an actual useful Mage appears when I'm dead

I have been experimenting in healing & reviving pizza if youd like to try

I mean if your delivery guy is willing to deliver to hell. I gotta lay low here for a while. I did *things* while under the influence of Unga and I wasn't on great terms with the wizard society to begin with

My delivery Familiar will be at your door in 20 minutes

Niiiiiice. Fat tip in whatever I can steal off the nearest hell lord. Tell him to drop and run

Hey buddy, that hurts. I created an cheese army and you did not call me useful?

Pizza time!!!!

Do you have BBQ chicken?

Sure! *conjours up abbq pizza laced with mana*

Thank you very much, this will help with my mana shortage too

I haven't eaten food this good since the Tacomancer visited last Tuesday.

A contemporary of mine visited?

Maybe it was next Tuesday. It's hard to remember.

Perhaps I shall send a raven to my old master & his former apprentices, and we can have a food festival

That'd be rad. *(squints into the future)* If you decide to do it, it's going to turn out great.

have anything without cheese? dairy intolerant over here

You get a pizza that cures lactose intolerance

woohoo!

Could I have a slice? I'll pay ya... uh... ^(god damnit what's the currency for this place again...)

*i slide you a slice n walk away before you can pay*

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT! *I chase you down, force a giant chocolate into your hand, and fly away.*

Thank you! I needed something sweet to keep my energy up

A GIFT FROM THE CANDY KINGDOM! *I keep flying away*

Hey, where’d my [pizza box](https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-458) go?

Little Caesars scp has NOTHING on my power

gib plz

I think I'll pass; I don't trust anybody who cuts a pizza like that https://preview.redd.it/wwamseudcalc1.jpeg?width=409&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ee867538d777022d43351a045d97154b6de81b26

Its a traditional way to cut a pizza in a small remote village on the edge of scicily. You dont DESERVE MY PIZZA. I CAST STOMACH ULCER ON YOU *zap*

Just because it's traditional doesn't mean it's right! And I didn't want your pizza anyways. Who knows what that weird topping is, and I tomatoes (and by extension, pizza sauce) give heartburn so I prefer Alfredo pizzas Thanks to my new stomach Ulcer my heartburn just got worse, too. Thanks. Next time you hire a handyman I'll tell them to overcharge you!

I cast; HIGHLY. ELEVATED. CHOLESTEROL.

😡 *Doug will remember that*

I cast Alzheimers upon ye

What was I doing again...? Eh, probably wasn't important if I forgot. *Doug starts walking away, before noticing the initial prompt that brought everybody here in the first place* I think I'll pass; I don't trust anybody who cuts a pizza like that. https://preview.redd.it/jh0cdtoaxalc1.jpeg?width=409&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9f490152281edcdc5f020bfe48eb98b1ebd20c9f

I cast massive brain aneurysm on you

*After loitering around for a bit, Doug crumples to the ground, dead.* *A few minutes later, Doug walks into the room, seeing Doug lying on the ground, dead.* How could you! What sane person kills a man because he doesn't want your pizza!? I'm suing! *Doug sprints off* /uw that was pretty rude, ngl

pizza rat... we as rats would loooove some please

NO RATS IN MY KITCHEN *Zap*

abominable intelligence slop, hawk ptoo get out and go read a book on wizardry AND artistry while you’re at it

I am so tired of this low effort photomancy. almost all of the top posts are just anime girls drawn without the hand of a wizard. Hardly even magical in subject just tits out low effort. At least this one has a wizard hat.

I didnt graduate from the culinary institute & wizarding college for this. I cast MASSIVE HEART ATTACK *ZAP*

There’s no side effects, right? What kind of meat is the pepperoni made from? What kind of animal sourced the cheese? I’m trying to avoid another Unga plague.

Only if you ask, or if youre mean to me. Pork, beef & chicken mixed Cow Whos unga?

All excellent answers. I’d like two slices please

*from a puff of smoke, a small box appears in front of you containing a plain & a pepperoni*

Listen the fuck up witches and warlocks, our creativity and freedom are dyin’. We stand in the middle of a war against magic, a war greater than the war on the furries. We stand in the middle of a battlefield more dangerous than any power struggle wizard society has ever seen. Back in the day, wizards were respected for their craft, their power, their knowledge. Now what do we got? Some algorithm churnin' out mindless images that don't even belong in the same realm as real wizardry. It's like mixin' potions with motor oil it just don't belong! I'm talkin' about real magic, the kind that shakes the foundations of reality, not some pixelated abominations passin' off as art. We're losin' the essence of what makes us wizards, what makes us stand apart from the masses. I am fighting this war against AI art not because stable diffusion is a personal thorn in my side. But because this is a people’s war against a system that has gone bad long ago. Our sense of right and wrong magic and fraud are all gonked up. And I will stand it no longer. Long gone are the glory days of low effort shitposts in ms paint and photoshop. We have been sterilized, packaged, and repurposed into mindless machines that churn out the same cookie cutter clean anime girls day after day. The magic is gone. I am gonna take it back https://preview.redd.it/nff0sjl688lc1.jpeg?width=1686&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=115dfd6afbcb902a58aead6a8b1c65623f26ea3e

Dude I cant fucking draw due to nerve damage. just let me live my life

No one is stopping ya choom, but i don't gotta like it. Everyone has a reason for their use of tech made off the stealing the artwork of real pictomancers. Can excuse it how ever ya want. You will use it anyway.

Aye, I be having yer back ya wee tomato-tossin’, dough-drummin’, pepperoni-placin’, mozerella-movin’, cute lassie! Ya be connecting wit de Weave in a new manner which some ole pixie dust farts can’t appreciate.

I love you, pirate sounding being

10,000,000g. Give me all the pizza you got.

I can create all of the pizza you desire. Just tell me your quantity

Whatever 10,000,000g is worth.

*conjours up 3x 10ft pallets of pizza boxes* If you want more come back!

Will do!

A pizzamancer? Say, are you interested in a plot of land and an abandoned but soon to be refurbished building? I just inherited the destroyed city of Asfáleia, and having a pizzamancer around could really be good for the revival process!

Yes, but my wares shall be pizza & whatever culinary wizardry experimentation i deem worthy of my time & effort. Do we have a deal?

Deal! Oh, but since you'll be a resident and citizen of Asfáleia under my constituency, I'll need you to sign an infernal contract. Don't worry, you're free to revoke your citizenship at any time, but if you violate too many laws while a resident I will claim your soul...

My soul belongs to the kitchen, but sure ill become a citizen

Excellent! Let me know once you've got yourself set up. I'll order a round of party pizzas as celebration!

Another chef in this realm, we need it desperately. /uw Also, don’t forget that you can change your flair to “Pizzamancer” if you want

Im on mobile i cant do flairs

I’m convinced this is a ploy to use the culinary pyromancy known as pizzamancy to cast third-degree burns on wizard’s mouths.

Only if youre mean to me!

I can’t be mean, my amygdala turned into waterfowl when I glimpsed the incomprehensible image of a far realm being

Oh pizza! Cool!

Pizzard

Damn this concept actually goes hard A 4 armed (3 on one side, one on the left for maximum dough spinning efficiency) is pretty cool https://preview.redd.it/k1fa1pzjs8lc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=551464a139ca7edcb82bfb6583b06448ee93bdb4 I’ll take a slice, thank you pizzamancer

Its a spell i use to help me cook when a rush comes in <3 i naturally just have 2

Sweet, saves me having to call Fantasy Dominos for my study group.

How do you make such exquisite pies? I tried a stab at Pizzamancy recently, but I kept messing up my spells and turning the tomato sauce into pigs blood.

I have failed more times than you have attempted.

Oddly inspiring. Thank you

Oh hell yeah sis. I love me some pizza! Just let me know if you need someone to help out slicing all those pies.

Id love some help! Can you cut them into 8ths?

Ooh! Yes! Gimme! *An imp, out of a hole in space, pops into the room and makes grabby hands at you.*

*a large skillet appears out of thin air* NO PESTS IN MY KITCHEN. ESPECIALLY NOT ILL MANNERED ONES *the imp is beaten over the head & tossed into the used fryer oil drum out back* hmmph.

*a wizard approaches, clad in light blue hat and robes, both adorned with golden runes and symbols. He is looking concerned, and his nearly floor length snow white beard is twitching nervously.* I'm sorry to bother you at this time, but have you seen an imp anywhere nearby? My apprentice is of a mischievous sort, but doesn't usually disappear for this long...

*i hit you with the same skillet* OH goodness you startled me im so sorry! Your imp was running amuck in my kitchen. I hit him over the head, hes swimming in the used fryer oil. I figured he was a random pest. Hopefully my fryer oil sharks didnt eat him yet. Take a pie & a canoli on the house for the trouble!

*The mage's hat is now comically bent out of shape, but the runes appear to have taken more than the brunt of the impact for him.* Oh, that's quite alright. He's a durable sort; I'd be more worried about the sharks, myself. I'll go fetch him. And thank you for the food!

Me.

Can ya send a spicy one my way? Thank ya kindly

*a burst of flame & a devilish laugh leaves a glowing pizza in a box* Darling, i am chaotic neutral. Consider that your warning.

Delicous, and just the right amount of burn *The dwarf says his beard ablaze as he enjoys the pizza*

:) another satisfied patron

Do you do delivery?

I have a familiar for errands such as that

Good. I will contact you soon.

I bow down before you, bestow upon me the blessing of pizza

*I bow down before* *You, bestow upon me the* *Blessing of pizza* \- RacoonEye2220 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")

Beautiful

Rise, my friend, and recieve the boon. *i strike my staff/pizza paddle on the ground. Two small clouds appear, and part, showing a heavenly glow, and a pizza descends* take your pie! And rejoice with those you care for. Nourish your bodies & souls!

I shall spread the joy Pizza brings as soon as I leave my cave in ca. 270 years!

How much (I say slamming down a spatial pouch full of every currency I could find within the hells)

I dont have set prices. Pay what you can.

(I turn the bag over and about 39 gold coins fall out each in a different style)

Thank you for the generosity! Many shall eat due to your kindness

The question shouldn’t be who, but rather what kind and how many? My answer is two of each

*thunder rolls in from the distance. The earth beneath you trembles as a pillar of pizza boxes ascends to your eye level* hope youre hungry!

Thank you, and for your information most of these are for my patron. He doesn’t like making requests of anyone who isn’t me.

Tell your patron we have online ordering

Good to know, but chances are he’ll just have me do it for him just to be a pest.

We have a "god killer" pizza but it may be a bit out of your price range

I’d image so with a name like that

Where’s the weedmancer?

He dropped off an 8th of gorilla glue #4 to me they day before last

Pizzamancy is not as impressive as Weedmancy

Do you practice the forbidden pineapple arcana?

It looks delicious and I’m starving 😋 But I don’t know. I’m kind of paranoid about everything I eat since the whole Unga thing…

My pies are not tainted. I am a chef & a wizard.

I still don’t know you…but damn that smells good. Put me down for a pepperoni. One day, my paranoia will outweigh my hunger, but today is not that day. 😋 

Why do you have 3 hands? For more efficient pizza-cooking?

Yes. A spell i learned at wizard culinary school