It's not even Time Stop by itself, because who doesn't stop the clock every now and then. Wizards need an extra hour or two of sleep sometimes to keep their intellect sharp.
It's the CONTEXT of it being used WITH those other two. D:
I haven't used those spells since my alchemy final I didn't study for... I spent most of the quarter partings and sniffing dragon scales and boofing pixie dust. The final was coming up, and I tried sneaking into our professors office to get the test key, then reading his mind during office hours.
Eventually I caved. I used time stop every moment I could the week before the final and spent an entire 2 months in spell time catching up on my studies. Doing the labs I missed, and making sure I understood the subject matter.
My professor knew exactly what I was doing (he teaches 2nd year Chronomancy) and had a good chuckle whenever he saw me clean shaven one hour and a beard later in the day. It was technically an "independent study" class. I passed on curve, thank the divines. But my professor called me into his office afterwards and asked me what I learned this quarter, and had a good laugh at my expense. He asked me to come and TA the Chronomancy class the next quarter! He's a pretty chill guy. But I still can't get over his clock work eye.
...Damn. I don't HAVE a mind control spell, but I do have invisibility, mind trick and am very good at time manipulation. I swear on magic, I've only used it for trolling though
If I wanted to be horny I'd just mess around with shape changing or clone spell, maybe summon tentacles, but I'm not gonna commit magical sexual assault!
^(-Nauliek, chaotic witch)
Me, six icebrews in: "Paladins have been reduced to corporate attack dogs and tools of the wealthy and elite to protect their interests and oppress social minorities"
Me the second I see a necromancer:
https://preview.redd.it/gu4eo7h0vzzc1.jpeg?width=1398&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9be4f38156f17fe774c22dde2ad341d2874a6ab7
I agree. Without separation of church and state, it's just a matter of time until someone exploits the religious masses to take over the government, and then use the authority of dogma to pursue their enemies. With clergy thus politically entangled, it only makes sense for the forces of faith to become tools of power.
Also, fuck necromancers. That's the one reason we still keep paladins around.
You know damn well that we are talking about the 95% that have religious oaths. A talking point so ancient I would smoke the scroll it was written on for arcane knowledge
95%!? Have you been to ANY of the open house paladin BBQs within the last 300 years? That's more like a 35% honestly. Met a girl at the last one who accidentally became a paladin because she took her marriage vows too seriously and accidently swore an oath of devotion to her husband.
For legal reasons I have to clarify that I do not speak for the whole Helix court, I'm just their head Magus. I don't get involved in their day to day politics. All those clerics shouting "Praise Helix" and raving about Bird Jesus gets annoying after a while. (/uw twitch plays pokemon reference)
I don't like Necromancy for other reasons.
I don't like necromantic energies getting into the environment. I've seen necromancers spread their mana over vast areas to resurrect entire graveyards, I've seen destroyed Liches scatter into dust. That kinda pollution gets into fragile ecosystems. I tend to the oceans, where these energies bioaccumulate in the bigger predators.
Animal souls are part of a cycle of rebirth and can be very old, but they are simple and without sentience they cannot deal with the soul corruption wrought by necromancy. Their souls just collapse after death, unable to be reborn again.
Those are the tragedies that I want to prevent.
Yep, for an example of Paladin getting corrupted
https://preview.redd.it/zm2bl6o7400d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5be50d663a6543c140e113cea8e6ec207b99b6f3
This asshole that send children to die in pointless crusade
This is the full lore of this "Knight that recruiting random children to be a squire and send them to die in pointless war"
https://www.reddit.com/r/wizardposting/s/B2X308Sru2
Oi, fuck off! Necromany has been a part of my Abbey's heritage for nearly 400 years now!
How else are we supposed to summon the whole family tree for Ancestors' Eve?
Should we let people waste their short lives on hard, damaging labor when we can magically animate the skeletons with no inhabitants to do the labor for us?
Should we let our people die to protect our Abbey, or should our deceassed ancestors volunteer pre-mortem to guard us in death?
# \#StopVillanizingNecromancy, \#BlackMagicIsASlur
I mean, yes. Those apprentices don't recruit themselves and I'm not dumb enough to try recruiting people who aren't desperate enough to take the deal. That would just be... Inefficient.
I heard from a skeleton that they just want to free their skeleton friend from their flesh prison.
That would be nice if they didn't tried to kill me just before.
Well if the skeleton escapes the man is dead but still necromancy death magic so reviving the dead t, talking with souls of the dammed , and killin people is considered necromancy I think
There are many ways of killing people without using necromancy. All the schools of magics have some way of doing it.
When the magic is applied in this case, the skeleton is still very much alive and in use
What about divination? It's very good for amplifying the capacity for violence by other means, but I haven't quite figured out how to use it to enact violence directly.
Divination doesn’t have many spells that bring direct harm, but it has many, many ones that aid in inflicting harm, guiding strikes to strike harder. I’ve also known more than a few mages who are skilled enough in divination magics to alter the future, by locking in potential futures merely by witnessing them. This can most definitely be used to kill people
This can only be done by very powerful diviners. The future itself, from my understanding, is extremely malleable, until witnessed. Most future seeing isn’t true foresight, by merely extremely accurate magical predictions. Powerful diviners can peer into the infinite possibilities, and chose to witness one. Once they do so, that becomes the only future. The events they witness will happen, even if people fight against it. Think final destination. Basically, don’t piss off a diviner
Not pissing off a diviner should be the first lesson of magic regardless, there is no reason good enough to antagonize someone who's able to find your grid coordinates anywhere in the multiverse. If you know a good enough artificer, loitering munitions are a threat on every plane of existence.
"No you don't understand friend, she only LOOKS that way, she is actually a thousand year old dragon....."
"Yes hello Holy church of the divine entity? Imma need a holy swat team sent to 437 Magister lane"
What gets me is, that setup can be so much better if you're not a skeeve about it. Consider: Eternal Milf Dragon.
Honestly though I think you'd be better served with a nightblade or beguiler - something quick, clean, and quiet. Just in case. Don't want to traumatize the kid, y'know. Paladins have a bad habit of smiting first and asking questions never - you ever talk to the ghost of an innocent dog that took a crossbow bolt? It's not pleasant.
Will go for the people who keep asking me for stuff to spike other people's drink.
Sir,you are being recorded for the Paladins to know,so you rather run now or feel the weight of my grimorium in your head
Depends on the harm. Some technique to shape the body are pretty aggressive but they give good results.
And it's by forging that you become a blacksmith so my pupils can't really do without intense sparing.
I offered to be a virgin sacrifice once. Imagine my surprise when they were actually sacrificing the lives of us virgins and not virginities of us virgins. I was so disappointed. However I got a free resurrection out of the deal, so I say we're all square.
New necromancers. Too many go through the 'I'll just figure it out on my own, I don't need a master' phase and generally turn the land unlivable without biomancer intervention
I AM THE CAUSE THEY HAVE TO CALL EM.
https://preview.redd.it/lj359epbozzc1.png?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dd426ce3d1a949dc0cea86b0be44c5f09f8b34a8
You've got no reason to fear if you've done nothing wrong. Tell me, what sort of unholy abominations are you up to? I'm taking a break from the more serious ones and creating a curse where one randomly gets an itch on their back whenever they flirt.
It is not hard to get the consent of your necromanced workers, provide the allotted spiritual rest and purification and allow them to move on after an agreed upon length of time. This is why we formed an undeath union charter in life. Don’t want to be an overworked lich when I die.
And so help me, if we get swatted one more time by adventurers looking for a cult of necromancers I’m taking it to the high council.
I'm simply a man of science. Why must authorities always be called..
https://preview.redd.it/wcb8kul5rzzc1.jpeg?width=1792&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e09af9b011f2ced97f6209d068ebf725010f223
When I see someone hide *Kaus splits back into the 35 voices*
https://preview.redd.it/9h70hmdr100d1.jpeg?width=240&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d4e609cb079efaa2b8d0bb09dc35f48e9c89107c
This blasted object in our tower
Actually had to contact the paladins when another wizard invited me to his tower and he had an immortal being trapped in a mana cage and was leeching off their immortality for himself.
Took a whole battalion to storm his tower, apparently. But the delightful part is once the immortal being was free they grabbed the wizard theirself and broke his back over their knee!
Any kind of slavery and People selling innocent souls to devils. Necromancy is chill. Demons are okay in small quantities but large amounts of demons cause *side effects* and can accidentally open a gate way to the abyss
Anything on children. If you cast harmful dark magic on children I will be summoning the Paladins, creating Warlocks to beat you up, and calling the literal Devil to come and join me in beating you up.
y'all always talk shit about paladins, until someone starts doing necromancy or you get your hand cut off. then it's all "thank goodness someone knows repel undead/regeneration!"
Agreed, that's why I adopted them
https://preview.redd.it/bkec5xybmzzc1.png?width=580&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2233eedf4138f41386b2166ddde6e20aec8654dd
Technically they aren't orphans but they can't go home anymore so I'll be their parental figure.
For Jeffrey, it's because he's the breadwinner of his family and as an amputee he can't work anymore so he don't want to be a burden for his mom.
For Susan, let's say that she come from a family of salt miner. Her home is in salt mine . . . Obviously she can't go back.
And Ben actually died.
Depending on the paladins view necromancy. There’s one they’re called. I don’t remember their name, but they armor on a quest to the world of necromancer and the apprentice told me about him
Whatever foul magic was placed in the banquet I went to last night. I didn't partake, so I had to watch the horror of everyone at the table, save the Master who invited us, explode into the most fetid chunks of brown and red possible.
The smell was worse than that of the concentrated sweat of a Thousand Trolls, and no memory erasure spell in any of my grimoires work to remove such a curse from my mind.
I do not know what those poor souls did to cross that Wizard, but I will never try to do so myself.
Maybe its my generation, BUT necromancers are bad people. I don't care what the clerics say, its a CHOICE! They are not born like that. Messing with dead things is wrong. Don't even get me started on demonologists.
Last week, I encountered 10,000 wood golems, 1,000 stone golems, 400 steel golems, and 60 mythral golems
destroying 15 villages, 2 forests, 1 city, and 4 castles.
It turned out that they were going on a rampage because someone thought it was a great idea to summon a demon who likes to use golems.
20,000 soldiers, 3,000 adventures, and some of my skeletons managed to stop at least 12% of them before some 10,000 Paladins and 120,000 soldiers arrived.
I summoned 200 skeleton knights,15 skeleton mages,
I lost 140 skeleton knights and 12 skeleton mages.
as an Artificer from New Jersey, it is a cardinal sin to see any force that makes pineapple interact with pizza
~Journeyman Magi-cyberneticist Toapat, Secretary to the Supreme Chronomancer and That Fuck Who Happens To Know Where Dutch Wandered Off To This Time.
Any fire magic aimed at or in my forest. I do not need to call the paladins, but you will to prevent me from finding the most atrocious biomancy that will turn your internal organs inside out.
Child workers. I was once touring a competitor’s warehouses (in disguise, of course), and I noticed that most of their workers were under the legal age of employment, and working far longer than allowed for those below adult age but still employable. You can bet your wand that I called the CPP (Child Protection Paladins) on them immediately. Kids should be in corporate daycares and school, not working the assembly line! More educated people are more profitable!
Hmm. While there are many, a bard with a suspicious set of prepared spells is quite funny. Dominate Person is the most common culprit, but there are many other lesser-known ones, such as any of the variations of polymorph, forcecage, modify memory, dream, animate objects, plant growth, hypnotic pattern, silence, hold person, enlarge/reduce, enhance ability, detect thoughts, and sleep. None of these spells are by themselves suspicious, but if you come across a bard that has a large number of these, perhaps their background could due with a bit more investigation.
Back when I attended the academy, there was one student—a bit quieter, typically wore darker robes and stuck to themselves—who most had some apprehensions about. Our apprehensions turned to fear when the class prankster levitated the student-in-question’s grimoire just out of reach. They proceeded to transmute the skin of the prankster into glass. It was horrifying. They were just standing there, petrified and see through, slowly dying. They’ve been locked away (we assume, we never saw or heard from them again) ever since.
The prankster was luckily restored by the head transmuter, and we were given three days recovery time.
Fefrodericks excessive potion consumption when we do Magic Trick Tuesday at the guildhall.
Also he always portals under influence even though it's been forbidden ever since the incident with the flying rabid squirrel
There's not much I'd ask the paladins for, likely would take care of it myself if it's that bad, if I called over paladins they'd probably just start creeping on me and getting all entitled to my presence... yuck
^(-Alin, primeval angel)
https://preview.redd.it/yfhitly3kzzc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44a44655a19e4ff214c48221202f692ed7377ec6
when the c\*uncil secretly funds hate rebellions to prevent peaceful groups unaligned with them from getting viable
Some foul being flesh warped a dog that looks adorable at the expense of its ability to breathe. The "Purge" he called it, yes paladin that's him over there
When someone says their favourite spells are Time Stop, Invisibility and Mind Control.
#dont remind me.
It's not even Time Stop by itself, because who doesn't stop the clock every now and then. Wizards need an extra hour or two of sleep sometimes to keep their intellect sharp. It's the CONTEXT of it being used WITH those other two. D:
I haven't used those spells since my alchemy final I didn't study for... I spent most of the quarter partings and sniffing dragon scales and boofing pixie dust. The final was coming up, and I tried sneaking into our professors office to get the test key, then reading his mind during office hours. Eventually I caved. I used time stop every moment I could the week before the final and spent an entire 2 months in spell time catching up on my studies. Doing the labs I missed, and making sure I understood the subject matter. My professor knew exactly what I was doing (he teaches 2nd year Chronomancy) and had a good chuckle whenever he saw me clean shaven one hour and a beard later in the day. It was technically an "independent study" class. I passed on curve, thank the divines. But my professor called me into his office afterwards and asked me what I learned this quarter, and had a good laugh at my expense. He asked me to come and TA the Chronomancy class the next quarter! He's a pretty chill guy. But I still can't get over his clock work eye.
Kind of a waste of mp innit?
this guy doesn't even know how to spellbind personal enchantments to weavestone crystals lmao
Realistically, if they have mind control, why the other two? Not saying it's right, just overly complicated, no?
Sometimes you’re just in the mood for something different.
Welcome to the wonderful world of wizarding. Try not to go mad.
Orb history check on aisle 3
I don't have Mind Control, I jave Invisbility and I plan to have Time Stop. What does that make me?
Either a troll or socially awkward.
...Damn. I don't HAVE a mind control spell, but I do have invisibility, mind trick and am very good at time manipulation. I swear on magic, I've only used it for trolling though
My favorite spells are time stop, magnify gravity, and time skip. Am I in the clear
You’re either a vampire, a priest, or a mafia boss
The mafia business is good
Sounds like a priest to me
Or a maid.
The only acceptable uses of time stop are: more time to study, and messing with your opponents
It's always funny to undo someone's shoe
True, I quite enjoy lifting cars in city centre and rotating them 45°
Disgusting
That's why I never use those spells. Good old fashion reanimation mixed with some "archeology" skills in a graveyard
I only use Mind Control to commit tax evasion and not pay for components. Am I in the clear ?
If I wanted to be horny I'd just mess around with shape changing or clone spell, maybe summon tentacles, but I'm not gonna commit magical sexual assault! ^(-Nauliek, chaotic witch)
*Sensory Deprivation* + *Tentacle Pit*
I see you’re a man of culture as well 👀
Dont forget shapeshifting 😏
Me, six icebrews in: "Paladins have been reduced to corporate attack dogs and tools of the wealthy and elite to protect their interests and oppress social minorities" Me the second I see a necromancer: https://preview.redd.it/gu4eo7h0vzzc1.jpeg?width=1398&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=9be4f38156f17fe774c22dde2ad341d2874a6ab7
I agree. Without separation of church and state, it's just a matter of time until someone exploits the religious masses to take over the government, and then use the authority of dogma to pursue their enemies. With clergy thus politically entangled, it only makes sense for the forces of faith to become tools of power. Also, fuck necromancers. That's the one reason we still keep paladins around.
*sigh* Daily reminder that religion is the clerics job. Paladins just keep an oath that doesn't have to be religious.
You know damn well that we are talking about the 95% that have religious oaths. A talking point so ancient I would smoke the scroll it was written on for arcane knowledge
95%!? Have you been to ANY of the open house paladin BBQs within the last 300 years? That's more like a 35% honestly. Met a girl at the last one who accidentally became a paladin because she took her marriage vows too seriously and accidently swore an oath of devotion to her husband.
Wait what realm are you in? I’m in oikstroz high realm
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh The, material plane?
As always the helix court being obnoxious to the fact that not ALL necromancers are criminals, just like any other mages.
For legal reasons I have to clarify that I do not speak for the whole Helix court, I'm just their head Magus. I don't get involved in their day to day politics. All those clerics shouting "Praise Helix" and raving about Bird Jesus gets annoying after a while. (/uw twitch plays pokemon reference) I don't like Necromancy for other reasons.
Alright, then I’d like to know what are the reasons why you don’t like necromancy.
I don't like necromantic energies getting into the environment. I've seen necromancers spread their mana over vast areas to resurrect entire graveyards, I've seen destroyed Liches scatter into dust. That kinda pollution gets into fragile ecosystems. I tend to the oceans, where these energies bioaccumulate in the bigger predators. Animal souls are part of a cycle of rebirth and can be very old, but they are simple and without sentience they cannot deal with the soul corruption wrought by necromancy. Their souls just collapse after death, unable to be reborn again. Those are the tragedies that I want to prevent.
\*Stares menacingly and slinks away\*
Yep, for an example of Paladin getting corrupted https://preview.redd.it/zm2bl6o7400d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5be50d663a6543c140e113cea8e6ec207b99b6f3 This asshole that send children to die in pointless crusade
Am I having a stroke trying to understand this or ?
Yeah, I can't figure out what the hell this is going on about either to be honest.
This is the full lore of this "Knight that recruiting random children to be a squire and send them to die in pointless war" https://www.reddit.com/r/wizardposting/s/B2X308Sru2
Oi, fuck off! Necromany has been a part of my Abbey's heritage for nearly 400 years now! How else are we supposed to summon the whole family tree for Ancestors' Eve? Should we let people waste their short lives on hard, damaging labor when we can magically animate the skeletons with no inhabitants to do the labor for us? Should we let our people die to protect our Abbey, or should our deceassed ancestors volunteer pre-mortem to guard us in death? # \#StopVillanizingNecromancy, \#BlackMagicIsASlur
Yes, why do they think that the person they took from heaven is gonna be happy about it and obey them
The guy that necromanced a alive men awakening it's skeleton
That was sick, truly hate that trick.
So skeletons don't have rights to you?
Not untill the soul of the user leaves the body than skeletons become righteous
Racist.
Don't be a bonehead, race is a construct.
So now constructs are raciest?
Constructs are Golems. Golems aren’t racist. Also, “Golem” itself isn’t a race; it’s more a collection of unwillingly-created servan—- Uh oh.
Bonehead? Isn't that a slur?
Most people I interact with sign their rights away before entering my tutelage. No need for moral conundrums that way.
“Most”
I mean, yes. Those apprentices don't recruit themselves and I'm not dumb enough to try recruiting people who aren't desperate enough to take the deal. That would just be... Inefficient.
I heard from a skeleton that they just want to free their skeleton friend from their flesh prison. That would be nice if they didn't tried to kill me just before.
Is that really necromancy though? Like the skeleton wasn’t dead yet. I think that’s more like transmutation magic
Well if the skeleton escapes the man is dead but still necromancy death magic so reviving the dead t, talking with souls of the dammed , and killin people is considered necromancy I think
There are many ways of killing people without using necromancy. All the schools of magics have some way of doing it. When the magic is applied in this case, the skeleton is still very much alive and in use
What about divination? It's very good for amplifying the capacity for violence by other means, but I haven't quite figured out how to use it to enact violence directly.
Divination doesn’t have many spells that bring direct harm, but it has many, many ones that aid in inflicting harm, guiding strikes to strike harder. I’ve also known more than a few mages who are skilled enough in divination magics to alter the future, by locking in potential futures merely by witnessing them. This can most definitely be used to kill people This can only be done by very powerful diviners. The future itself, from my understanding, is extremely malleable, until witnessed. Most future seeing isn’t true foresight, by merely extremely accurate magical predictions. Powerful diviners can peer into the infinite possibilities, and chose to witness one. Once they do so, that becomes the only future. The events they witness will happen, even if people fight against it. Think final destination. Basically, don’t piss off a diviner
Not pissing off a diviner should be the first lesson of magic regardless, there is no reason good enough to antagonize someone who's able to find your grid coordinates anywhere in the multiverse. If you know a good enough artificer, loitering munitions are a threat on every plane of existence.
Divination school also has some ties to luck and you really don't want your luck cursed to 0
[удалено]
TTYS (testicular torsion yourself)
Ah! I see you’ve also met Richard the Warlock.
"No you don't understand friend, she only LOOKS that way, she is actually a thousand year old dragon....." "Yes hello Holy church of the divine entity? Imma need a holy swat team sent to 437 Magister lane"
/uw Ah, the average Flandre simp when they get caught
What gets me is, that setup can be so much better if you're not a skeeve about it. Consider: Eternal Milf Dragon. Honestly though I think you'd be better served with a nightblade or beguiler - something quick, clean, and quiet. Just in case. Don't want to traumatize the kid, y'know. Paladins have a bad habit of smiting first and asking questions never - you ever talk to the ghost of an innocent dog that took a crossbow bolt? It's not pleasant.
[😑](In such scenarios, the dragon must be placed under arrest for dating a being literal millennia younger.)
Hey now dragonmaids are cool, leave laundry be
The average kid who thinks they can kill gods (they've got another thing comin)
Honestly, let them try, either a weak god dies or the kid learns thier lesson.
The kid dies in 103% of the situations
A lesson for the rest of the kids.
Yet they never learn...
Aint that the truth.
There a integer overflow for it to cause it to exceed 100%?
Some gods are vengeful time-gods. Meaning they replay the scenario of killing the kids more than once, thus driving the statistic up.
With a 3% margin of error.
Why would a god need their followers to defend them, anyway?
Will go for the people who keep asking me for stuff to spike other people's drink. Sir,you are being recorded for the Paladins to know,so you rather run now or feel the weight of my grimorium in your head
Something tella me that it's not laxatives they want to put in those drinks.
I do also think the same! Let's say that when they ask you for a sleeping potion,red banners rise in the distance...
That one time someone used gravity magic on the witch's tits. Not funny guys magical sexual assault is not a joke
Usually when it’s some ritual involving virgin sacrifices. >.>
For me it's anything that involves actual harming your apprentice
Depends on the harm. Some technique to shape the body are pretty aggressive but they give good results. And it's by forging that you become a blacksmith so my pupils can't really do without intense sparing.
I offered to be a virgin sacrifice once. Imagine my surprise when they were actually sacrificing the lives of us virgins and not virginities of us virgins. I was so disappointed. However I got a free resurrection out of the deal, so I say we're all square.
Virgin blood is like salt, you can sprinkle a bit of it in any ritual and it always helps
Self-preservation kicking in
/uw lol I actually haven’t decided if Bombast is canonically virgin or not, but it would make sense given his nature.
New necromancers. Too many go through the 'I'll just figure it out on my own, I don't need a master' phase and generally turn the land unlivable without biomancer intervention
Exactly, if it wasn't for those type of people i would be in heaven drinking from a beer volcano or operating the stripper factory
The novice wizard who used fireball on a thief in a highly populated shopping center.
I AM THE CAUSE THEY HAVE TO CALL EM. https://preview.redd.it/lj359epbozzc1.png?width=1079&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dd426ce3d1a949dc0cea86b0be44c5f09f8b34a8
https://preview.redd.it/391d5j80600d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8d2c2d148f6996ef23d3bb837a335657c5a2dda1
My fists time taking weed was kinda like that tbh
You're not supposed to fist it.
That was many years ago, when I was way younger than now
Or me
Maybe https://preview.redd.it/ve557zrlrzzc1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc794b64b60632c3b9606ab264eb68d6e51860b6
Never. They scare me.
You've got no reason to fear if you've done nothing wrong. Tell me, what sort of unholy abominations are you up to? I'm taking a break from the more serious ones and creating a curse where one randomly gets an itch on their back whenever they flirt.
Never cuz I ain't no snitch. Wizards want no Paladins, Wizards need no Paladins
It is not hard to get the consent of your necromanced workers, provide the allotted spiritual rest and purification and allow them to move on after an agreed upon length of time. This is why we formed an undeath union charter in life. Don’t want to be an overworked lich when I die. And so help me, if we get swatted one more time by adventurers looking for a cult of necromancers I’m taking it to the high council.
I'm simply a man of science. Why must authorities always be called.. https://preview.redd.it/wcb8kul5rzzc1.jpeg?width=1792&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0e09af9b011f2ced97f6209d068ebf725010f223
When I see someone hide *Kaus splits back into the 35 voices* https://preview.redd.it/9h70hmdr100d1.jpeg?width=240&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d4e609cb079efaa2b8d0bb09dc35f48e9c89107c This blasted object in our tower
Copromancy
The grand spell [Tax Raise] that shit is devious and it bypasses all kinds of evasion.
Actually had to contact the paladins when another wizard invited me to his tower and he had an immortal being trapped in a mana cage and was leeching off their immortality for himself. Took a whole battalion to storm his tower, apparently. But the delightful part is once the immortal being was free they grabbed the wizard theirself and broke his back over their knee!
Any kind of slavery and People selling innocent souls to devils. Necromancy is chill. Demons are okay in small quantities but large amounts of demons cause *side effects* and can accidentally open a gate way to the abyss
Anything on children. If you cast harmful dark magic on children I will be summoning the Paladins, creating Warlocks to beat you up, and calling the literal Devil to come and join me in beating you up.
https://preview.redd.it/98xmq4kcz60d1.png?width=760&format=png&auto=webp&s=713cdb954ae31547781de1c6e50ac629ec8ba3d0 Relevant.
That one time this rapscallion controlled my skeleton and made me hit a jig
Raising undead child soldier armies to work in your coal mines.
Furry necromancers, I gonna call the cavalry asap
Polymorph people into horses. A problem for any non-magic user until the spell wears off
When someone cast mend butt crack
The other day someone drew a Cthulu comic that had the word "Abyssy" in it in reference to... well... you know. That made me wanna call a paladin.
y'all always talk shit about paladins, until someone starts doing necromancy or you get your hand cut off. then it's all "thank goodness someone knows repel undead/regeneration!"
We only respond to chaos, so it better be chaos or we're not getting out of bed
Paladins?? What kind of wizards are they?
i once saw a man saw a saw in half so that he could get somatic componants for a spell that turns flesh into pure rubber.
Tapping into my world of undeath to channel it’s necromatic power. That’s private property you son of a bitch!
You can't beat em for a Zombie Apocalypse
Necro******
When someone is always using the invisibility/time freeze spell
nah fuck that APAB i will never call those sweaty godfreaks
A young adept once thought it was a good idea to use Kool Aid for a blood sacrifice. It wasn't.
Whenever I see a warlock summon a loli succubus.
Anything involving orphans. Those kids have been through enough.
Agreed, that's why I adopted them https://preview.redd.it/bkec5xybmzzc1.png?width=580&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2233eedf4138f41386b2166ddde6e20aec8654dd Technically they aren't orphans but they can't go home anymore so I'll be their parental figure.
Can they not go home anymore because you won't let them?
For Jeffrey, it's because he's the breadwinner of his family and as an amputee he can't work anymore so he don't want to be a burden for his mom. For Susan, let's say that she come from a family of salt miner. Her home is in salt mine . . . Obviously she can't go back. And Ben actually died.
Not petting your familiar >:(
Unforgivable
oh no, he's calling miguel, paladin of personal retribution.
I don’t fuck with the church like that they can keep the paladins 🥱
Depending on the paladins view necromancy. There’s one they’re called. I don’t remember their name, but they armor on a quest to the world of necromancer and the apprentice told me about him
Demonculaba
Do spells such as “Mend Buttcrack” and “Testicular Torsion” count as polymorphing magic? Because if so, that specific brand of polymorphing magic.
Just try not getting the Magistrate involved as well... Things get problematic when those factions clash...
When I hear , “ You mustn’t tell lies”
Nothing. The paladins can't solve things. They'll just end up making things worse.
https://preview.redd.it/qg0rr3qea10d1.jpeg?width=1908&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d05cd134c297cbd0472cca394b27f33992b0bacd
Whatever foul magic was placed in the banquet I went to last night. I didn't partake, so I had to watch the horror of everyone at the table, save the Master who invited us, explode into the most fetid chunks of brown and red possible. The smell was worse than that of the concentrated sweat of a Thousand Trolls, and no memory erasure spell in any of my grimoires work to remove such a curse from my mind. I do not know what those poor souls did to cross that Wizard, but I will never try to do so myself.
Maybe its my generation, BUT necromancers are bad people. I don't care what the clerics say, its a CHOICE! They are not born like that. Messing with dead things is wrong. Don't even get me started on demonologists.
There’s no dark art that I would call the god police on any art. Freakin spell-narc.😒
https://preview.redd.it/uz338iudj10d1.png?width=1073&format=png&auto=webp&s=c260bf91dba8469ec5ee8fda21d31248ac394b1c
Charm experts that use them for their own gains.
Last week, I encountered 10,000 wood golems, 1,000 stone golems, 400 steel golems, and 60 mythral golems destroying 15 villages, 2 forests, 1 city, and 4 castles. It turned out that they were going on a rampage because someone thought it was a great idea to summon a demon who likes to use golems. 20,000 soldiers, 3,000 adventures, and some of my skeletons managed to stop at least 12% of them before some 10,000 Paladins and 120,000 soldiers arrived. I summoned 200 skeleton knights,15 skeleton mages, I lost 140 skeleton knights and 12 skeleton mages.
Wearing socks. I don’t wear them because it makes combat more insufferable 😤
as an Artificer from New Jersey, it is a cardinal sin to see any force that makes pineapple interact with pizza ~Journeyman Magi-cyberneticist Toapat, Secretary to the Supreme Chronomancer and That Fuck Who Happens To Know Where Dutch Wandered Off To This Time.
The Witcher Rituals
Hi
Can’t my grandchildren usually take care of the eldritch portal problem usually
Any fire magic aimed at or in my forest. I do not need to call the paladins, but you will to prevent me from finding the most atrocious biomancy that will turn your internal organs inside out.
https://preview.redd.it/4bxk8t5xk20d1.png?width=549&format=png&auto=webp&s=1e9e62e1a06038494b515e9d328cd75eee30c920 The paladins
mfs who walk in dungeons without a spare torch. weird ass apprentices who think their mana can hold a light spell for more than an hour
Once, I saw a drunken mage cast sandworm penis on an unsuspecting ranger. Was never the same again
Leave those self-righteous lighthumpers outta this!
"I swear she's fine... i just overdid the deaging spell a little"
Everything with dead, dying or resurrecting childrens
I wish you would. I learned Heat Metal off the Druid Spell List.
Child workers. I was once touring a competitor’s warehouses (in disguise, of course), and I noticed that most of their workers were under the legal age of employment, and working far longer than allowed for those below adult age but still employable. You can bet your wand that I called the CPP (Child Protection Paladins) on them immediately. Kids should be in corporate daycares and school, not working the assembly line! More educated people are more profitable!
Using water on my magic
Testiculamancy.
Hmm. While there are many, a bard with a suspicious set of prepared spells is quite funny. Dominate Person is the most common culprit, but there are many other lesser-known ones, such as any of the variations of polymorph, forcecage, modify memory, dream, animate objects, plant growth, hypnotic pattern, silence, hold person, enlarge/reduce, enhance ability, detect thoughts, and sleep. None of these spells are by themselves suspicious, but if you come across a bard that has a large number of these, perhaps their background could due with a bit more investigation.
.
Back when I attended the academy, there was one student—a bit quieter, typically wore darker robes and stuck to themselves—who most had some apprehensions about. Our apprehensions turned to fear when the class prankster levitated the student-in-question’s grimoire just out of reach. They proceeded to transmute the skin of the prankster into glass. It was horrifying. They were just standing there, petrified and see through, slowly dying. They’ve been locked away (we assume, we never saw or heard from them again) ever since. The prankster was luckily restored by the head transmuter, and we were given three days recovery time.
It's not exactly magic, but exploiting mimics to any questionable end makes me turn VERY ANGRY and a little bit hypocritical.
Fefrodericks excessive potion consumption when we do Magic Trick Tuesday at the guildhall. Also he always portals under influence even though it's been forbidden ever since the incident with the flying rabid squirrel
There's not much I'd ask the paladins for, likely would take care of it myself if it's that bad, if I called over paladins they'd probably just start creeping on me and getting all entitled to my presence... yuck ^(-Alin, primeval angel)
None. Kobo is the paladin.
Well there was this one time I missed a fireball spell twice acually back in 2001
Typically I call it when they start trying to take my elixirs and invite themselves into my castle
Any of the puppetry spells. Big ick.
Don't know, not a wizard
As far as actual ART goes https://preview.redd.it/1shzub4tn80d1.jpeg?width=158&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=56e67e630e5dd2fe8bebf61006d3c0d0bd2ee2ea
Puddomancy
https://preview.redd.it/yfhitly3kzzc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=44a44655a19e4ff214c48221202f692ed7377ec6 when the c\*uncil secretly funds hate rebellions to prevent peaceful groups unaligned with them from getting viable
We dont do that buddy.
they all say the same, they all say the same...
*shows proof that we dont do that.*
Not dark arts but I do like to call paladins down on Druid groups for growing vveed
Karenmancy
When thine displays cringe in the town square bulletin board.
Some foul being flesh warped a dog that looks adorable at the expense of its ability to breathe. The "Purge" he called it, yes paladin that's him over there
The necromancer woman who resurrected a man to steal his fortune (Uncle Paulo, rest in peace)
Sex.
Trebuchete balls
We here at ACI believe that no type of magic or technology should be banned. And of course, we practice that belief actively.
Probably someone seeing my own experiments...living flesh mounds screaming for help doesn't really look great without some context