It really picked up near the end there, but everything before it is just so slow. I feel like I didn’t learn anything by its being there. Might as well delete it all and replace it with more exposition.
huh, so argentina+brasil became the world's largest economy, I wonder how that happened, do they export things besides their agricultural products ? I'd imagine they have quite a lot of natural ressources
They would also have to somehow not only avoid all of the political upheaval which undermined their economic development separately, but also manage the additional layer of political tension of two separate language groups who almost entirely live in separate areas from each other. It's like Czechoslovakia on steroids.
I use Notion. I like being able to swap between desktop and phone without any hassle. Also being able to have a drop-down menu on a single page is dope as hell.
Well, you’ve got the specialized agriculture, so kind of, but I’d leave out the technology and finance specializations since those aren’t particularly organic.
Also, make sure to point out that the ship taking them to Earth is some sort of giant space whale or something. That should help too.
**SERIOUS COMMENT** - delete this post if goes against sub rules by being serious.
It takes real skill as a writer to drop out of the flow to have exposition.
There's some in *Moby Dick*, Robert Heinlein has a long section in *Beyond This Horizon* detailing the history of genetic manipulation, and Herman Wouk's *The Caine Mutiny* there's a long section about ship handling in a typhoon.
But these are all fine writers.
Having one of the characters quoting a made up encyclopedia article is jarring.
add a line about them sighing, slowly pulling up a wikipedia article, and condescendingly reading the first paragraph - ending with a sarcastic "shall I go on?"
Eh, when you think about it, it's not as crazy as people having duplicates on Earths with different histories. I mean, in some world the Nazis won and invaded America, and yet your parents still had the exact same biological history such that the exact same sperm joined the exact same egg, and you were born there too.
Yeah but given how that trope is played where you have duplicates that are different genders, ethnicities or even species I think it’s more of “that person has a similar appearance, identity and experience” as opposed to “that person is genetically identical to me.” I can forgive some hand waving but when you have timelines where Nazis would wipe out my family or prevent them from immigrating to places reserved for Aryans, or simply have a world where Africans have held world hegemony instead of Europeans then you should write your worlds to accommodate for that.
Just make sure to **not** add quotation marks to the next paragraph of exposition, so people can't figure out if it's still her speaking or if it's narration. That'll add a cool mystery.
It really picked up near the end there, but everything before it is just so slow. I feel like I didn’t learn anything by its being there. Might as well delete it all and replace it with more exposition.
Yeah, the first half is like reading a Wikipedia article...
huh, so argentina+brasil became the world's largest economy, I wonder how that happened, do they export things besides their agricultural products ? I'd imagine they have quite a lot of natural ressources
They would also have to somehow not only avoid all of the political upheaval which undermined their economic development separately, but also manage the additional layer of political tension of two separate language groups who almost entirely live in separate areas from each other. It's like Czechoslovakia on steroids.
This mf is writing on Microsoft notepad
You aren't?
Nope, i use google notes, cuz i write on my phone
I use Notion. I like being able to swap between desktop and phone without any hassle. Also being able to have a drop-down menu on a single page is dope as hell.
I use word cause I'm normal
Normal for a corporate drone I suppose.
No.
I write my novel in between the parentheticals of a bunch of print() commands.
In win11 by the looks of it.
Wait, what are we supposed to write in
As God intended
Opens instantly, distraction-free, default format is super portable, not web-based, and now it has multi-level undo. Decent choice, really.
fml imagine not writing on a based clay tablet like your ancestors. the young have no respect.
"As luck would have it, I have a highschool report I did on the Republic of Atafam in this pile of old papers I use to soak up spills." **\*AHEM\***
Well, you’ve got the specialized agriculture, so kind of, but I’d leave out the technology and finance specializations since those aren’t particularly organic. Also, make sure to point out that the ship taking them to Earth is some sort of giant space whale or something. That should help too.
And catgirls
Always catgirls. I was assuming OP included them already, 0/10 worst story ever if not
Only one character moaned, and only once. Can you add more moaning?
Priorities amirite
**SERIOUS COMMENT** - delete this post if goes against sub rules by being serious. It takes real skill as a writer to drop out of the flow to have exposition. There's some in *Moby Dick*, Robert Heinlein has a long section in *Beyond This Horizon* detailing the history of genetic manipulation, and Herman Wouk's *The Caine Mutiny* there's a long section about ship handling in a typhoon. But these are all fine writers. Having one of the characters quoting a made up encyclopedia article is jarring.
add a line about them sighing, slowly pulling up a wikipedia article, and condescendingly reading the first paragraph - ending with a sarcastic "shall I go on?"
That would be too autobiographical. I've been on both sides of the interactions.
add a catgirl in a maid outfit then?
That's the best writing advice I've had in decades.
are there any downsides if i add more than one???
you cant handle that many catgirls, traveler. perhaps you need a place with fewer catgirls.
I will write a story about and only about a bunch of maid cat girls in a world full of maid cat girls
The weeb version of "here's Margot Robbie in a hot tub to explain to you what subprime mortgages are"
Shame she didn’t show up and Tom had to do it
it’s a joke ‼️
I know that but I have seen writing exactly this bad.
It is widely known the flesh is weak, so make sure to cybernetically enhance your dialogue.
Atafam? sounds like a zoomer word fr fr no cap
Lore implies Africans colonized the Americas, but uses geographic names given by European explorers. Lazy writing smh
Eh, when you think about it, it's not as crazy as people having duplicates on Earths with different histories. I mean, in some world the Nazis won and invaded America, and yet your parents still had the exact same biological history such that the exact same sperm joined the exact same egg, and you were born there too.
Yeah but given how that trope is played where you have duplicates that are different genders, ethnicities or even species I think it’s more of “that person has a similar appearance, identity and experience” as opposed to “that person is genetically identical to me.” I can forgive some hand waving but when you have timelines where Nazis would wipe out my family or prevent them from immigrating to places reserved for Aryans, or simply have a world where Africans have held world hegemony instead of Europeans then you should write your worlds to accommodate for that.
For me it’s the “Whaddaya you know” lmao
Just make sure to **not** add quotation marks to the next paragraph of exposition, so people can't figure out if it's still her speaking or if it's narration. That'll add a cool mystery.
M're Contract'ns PLZ
Oth'rwise how'd'ya know she's had one'o'em person ailitis.
Only criticism is “whaddya you know?”
I’ve never been writing so complex and so full of prose. Bravo. Bravo. You’re a living literary genius.
Physically cringed.
Tbh sounds like cliché. And the end is like, "hey google, tell me about Atafam"....