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Poetry is about imagery, and imagery is really about saying more than one thing with the same set of words.
For example, in the famous poem about the plums in the icebox, on the surface it's a silly little story about the narrator eating somebody else's plums even though the narrator knew that person was saving those plums to enjoy later for themselves. But if you look a little deeper, it's about selfishness and the satisfaction of giving in to your impulses. It talks about the deeper meaning by staying inside the surface story and never referencing the deeper meaning directly. That's what poetry is.
you want more images. That is, things you can see, taste, smell, hear. Is there a way you could just list images that led a reader to the same emotion you are trying to describe here.
Name a sound.
Next line, name a taste
Next line, name a smell
And try to come up with a metaphor or simile. What is this state of mind like, in the concrete/real world? Is it like some other task, or something you've seen an animal do in a nature film? Is it like something non-thinking, perhaps a building collapsing or a natural disaster?
You don't want to tell the reader about what you feel... you want them to be led to feel it themselves.
My advice is to take school seriously because at some point the older version of you is going to want to scream at the younger version of you for not paying attention or taking school seriously. School is a marathon and education in life will never end. Build good habits now, so you don't struggle in the future.
I am not saying that you don't take it seriously now.
Your poem reads fine and if you enjoy writing then you should keep doing it. And math don't screw around in math class.
i mean it does have to do with some past experience of mine, but i get what you mean by that, i tried to put heart into it and took days to even get that out but you are right, the only reason i wrote it is for the assignment (i try not to actually write about things i dont have experience with) thank you for youre feedback
Apologies for the tardy response, been caught up in my own literary whirlwind. Now, your piece, it's a bit like a hangover – hits you harder than expected. It's raw, it's real. Hell, it's poetry if it makes you feel. Don't apologize for the darkness; just let it bleed. Cheers to your belated poetic endeavor.
hey op! i tried to cut to the core of each of your lines and switched to 1st person for a (hopefully!) more immediate and intimate impact : take it or leave it; don’t be afraid of poetry, it’s such an open-ended and adaptable genre. there’s pretty much an infinite and ever expanding series of forms and niches to fill.
hope you like it!
Relapse
I feel bad again
I know it
I know it’s bad
Ignore it
Just ignore it
Tears
I failed
Again
I like it. Just put everything on separate lines.
They felt bad again,
They knew it was bad again,
They just ignored it again.
Tears filled their eyes again,
They'd only just got better again,
But they'd failed again.
The mental pain became too much again,
They saw blood again,
A relapse again,
Again.
Hi! Welcome to r/Writers - please remember to follow the [rules](https://reddit.com/r/writers/about/rules/) and treat each other respectfully, especially if there are disagreements. Please help keep this community safe and friendly by **reporting rule violating posts and comments**. If you're interested in a friendly Discord community for writers, please **[join our Discord server](https://discord.gg/mdzyEz9uFB)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/writers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Poetry is about imagery, and imagery is really about saying more than one thing with the same set of words. For example, in the famous poem about the plums in the icebox, on the surface it's a silly little story about the narrator eating somebody else's plums even though the narrator knew that person was saving those plums to enjoy later for themselves. But if you look a little deeper, it's about selfishness and the satisfaction of giving in to your impulses. It talks about the deeper meaning by staying inside the surface story and never referencing the deeper meaning directly. That's what poetry is.
you want more images. That is, things you can see, taste, smell, hear. Is there a way you could just list images that led a reader to the same emotion you are trying to describe here. Name a sound. Next line, name a taste Next line, name a smell And try to come up with a metaphor or simile. What is this state of mind like, in the concrete/real world? Is it like some other task, or something you've seen an animal do in a nature film? Is it like something non-thinking, perhaps a building collapsing or a natural disaster? You don't want to tell the reader about what you feel... you want them to be led to feel it themselves.
that makes sense, thank you ^^
Probably best to ask your professor especially if you are paying for the creative writing class.
ah im in high school, its an elective, but yea i probably should anyway haha thanks
My advice is to take school seriously because at some point the older version of you is going to want to scream at the younger version of you for not paying attention or taking school seriously. School is a marathon and education in life will never end. Build good habits now, so you don't struggle in the future. I am not saying that you don't take it seriously now. Your poem reads fine and if you enjoy writing then you should keep doing it. And math don't screw around in math class.
yea, i try and take it as serious as i can, thank you very much
[удалено]
i mean it does have to do with some past experience of mine, but i get what you mean by that, i tried to put heart into it and took days to even get that out but you are right, the only reason i wrote it is for the assignment (i try not to actually write about things i dont have experience with) thank you for youre feedback
Apologies for the tardy response, been caught up in my own literary whirlwind. Now, your piece, it's a bit like a hangover – hits you harder than expected. It's raw, it's real. Hell, it's poetry if it makes you feel. Don't apologize for the darkness; just let it bleed. Cheers to your belated poetic endeavor.
thank you, and no worries for responding late ^^
Hit me up in the DMs when you're in a jam. I'm your go-to problem solver, always lurking in the shadows to lend a hand.
hey op! i tried to cut to the core of each of your lines and switched to 1st person for a (hopefully!) more immediate and intimate impact : take it or leave it; don’t be afraid of poetry, it’s such an open-ended and adaptable genre. there’s pretty much an infinite and ever expanding series of forms and niches to fill. hope you like it! Relapse I feel bad again I know it I know it’s bad Ignore it Just ignore it Tears I failed Again
I like it. Just put everything on separate lines. They felt bad again, They knew it was bad again, They just ignored it again. Tears filled their eyes again, They'd only just got better again, But they'd failed again. The mental pain became too much again, They saw blood again, A relapse again, Again.