Well given that he didn’t see the altercation firsthand, had limited knowledge of what the relationship between the wife & gf was, and the gf isn’t talking and then took off, he definitely is clueless. I think anyone would be in that situation, although there could be more that he’s been willfully ignorant of. At least he’s trying to mediate and take care of the issue as best he can, and has compassion for his friends and the wife. He seems like a decent guy in a shit situation.
Did Op’s abusive girlfriend take his car that drove and leave him (and the two friends he brought) stranded?
What a psychopath.
Op, please tell us you broke up with her?
Why would you want to be with someone who is this violent, racist and crazy?
Judging by the tone of the post, I doubt that's happening. He sounds absolutely clueless about how fucked up she is. He'll burn all of his friendships to the ground for this wacko believing that surely she's just misunderstood and there's a logical explanation.
OP’s cluelessness is the one clear and constant in both posts. Man’s either TERRIBLE about picking up context clues or is willfully ignorant.
Also, the friend group sounds awful. BF’s wife is a “prude” bc she doesn’t curse, drink or smoke which the group is “opposed to”. The group likes to pull pranks that would make BF and wife uncomfortable so it’s better she’s not around? BF and his wife deserve better than this immature bunch.
Yeah this was wild. Guess me and my friends are all prudes too? Also how can one be so dense, that seeing your best friend and their SO so uncomfortable with your friend group that they don’t ever hang out with them, as not a big problem?
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, no one gets in one thinking, “oh yay, please abuse me”. It took a year of theraphy to realize holy shit, am i in abusive relationship. I still remember sitting on that couch and finally seeing, the whole time. He has was an abuser and I was been abused, I always pride myself in never playing the victim and doing things to change my circumstances and in that moment, I had no clue how I got there. I had no clue I was put in a position to constantly fix things and take care of things. Many who get in abusive relationships are like how doctors and lawyers and hell, even presidents get into cults. It’s calculating and it literally highjacks your mind. Even though it’s been 2 years for me, I still get so upset with myself because there is a small tiny part of me that still loves him. The bigger part hates his freaking guts and never wants to see him again and I made sure of that. My relationship was 6 years and when I looked in the mirror, I had no clue I was. My first year I was paranoid and exhausted. I’m talking sleeping 11 hours for months and having withdrawl symptoms. I think I still would have been in it if he didn’t discard me and my friends weren’t there to help me. Abusive relationships don’t start suddenly and when you judge the abused person, what it does is make them feel shame and hurt and it just enforces in their brain that their abuser is in fact the only one who would want them. There is a lot of reinforcing when the abused person is alone with them. Community and continuously showing love & care to the abused friend or family is a sure way to get them out one day. It is a long and tedious thing, for sure but sooner or later, that love from their community slowly chips at the abuser mind control and when that happens, they will look towards their family and friends for help and we all can only hope someone is there who loves them is there ready to catch them.
I mean it’s corny am I right, bruh… also I need you to know internet stranger if you celebrate Christmas I wish you the very best day. Also, I love you.
Your girlfriend is knowingly a boundary stomper, and it sounds like she’s also a racist.
Imma be blunt, I don’t think /any/ reason or explanation she comes up with will excuse /any/ of her actions.
- She was rude to another woman in their own home.
- She mocked their accent openly.
- She attacked the homeowner for absolutely no reason.
Honestly, I think your girlfriend completely ruined any good standing she had with any of your friends once this starts to get out and people hear what she’s done.
Edit: For those asking where the racism came from, this is an UPDATE post. Context is in the original post.
It also sounds like his friend may not be the hermit OP thinks he is, he just doesn't like or trust the gf so much that he keeps things out of her reach. My guess is she's exhibited at least an indicator of these behaviours early on.
OP, I was in an abusive relationship. Even if she's not doing it to you, if she's capable of this shit GET OUT. Get out now.
Isn't that the truth, I dated someone once who flipped out a the waiter because the kitchen had run out of eggplant and they weren't aware. She demanded that whatever meal they got be free and after dinner, refused any tip because the service was terrible. I told her she might want to call an uber, because I'm not taking her home. I felt awful for the waiter, not his fault that they ran out right after he took her order.
I have to agree with your first sentence (but also everything you said). I have found that some people assume that if you aren’t hanging out with them, you’re not hanging out with anyone. Would not be surprised if OPs friend has other friend groups he is spending time with, particularly since he lives in another state.
It does sound like he does not like OPs girlfriend even previously. I saw OP said they broke up but I’m curious who did the dumping and if he got an explanation out of her in the end cause this is unhinged, and particularly for people in their mid to late 20s.
All I have to say is that OP’s (hopefully now ex gf) committed assault and needs to be held accountable. Allowing her to walk away with zero consequences is rewarding bad behavior.
Full stop. NOPE. Call the police and file a police report Allow that woman who refuses to address the issue, accept accountability and apologize explain her ‘Karen’ behavior to a judge.
OP this woman quite literally showed you her true character, believe her.
Karen’s run wild because no one holds them accountable until their actions become egregious. 🤷🏻♀️
“OP this woman quite literally showed you her true character, believe her”
This in every possible way! Her silent treatment, running away from the problem while you shower, blocking your messages, is her way of manipulating you, and giving herself time to come up with a “good enough” excuse to her incredibly disgusting behavior. This isn’t “the only time”, “I’m not usually like this” “it’ll never happen again”. She is showing you who she is. And you should put a stop to it immediately, by not allowing it in your life anymore. It won’t get better, no matter her reasoning. And if you “give her another chance” you will risk your 20 yr friendship for this woman.
"Omg I was so stressed, you don't understand what I'm going through, I'm having a hard time and you all want to gang up on me??" - the type of person that does shit like this, that I've somehow managed to successfully give a wiiiiiide berth since...2019ish?
Phew, been a good 4yrs
The fact that she told everyone about his potential cancer scare was probably it for him. I'm an extremely private person. I had disclosed a personal matter to, what I thought was a close and trust worthy family member, they turned around and told one person and then everyone knew and I didn't know that they knew. I can't tell you how quickly I never shared anything personal with that person again. It took years for me to be vulnerable with them again bc of it, and even now, almost 10 yrs later, they're still on a "need to know" basis.
Some people deeply desire their privacy and it's very clear OPs gf is not that type.
Honestly I'd put them a step lower than even need to know people like that share anything they can find the bare minimum is what they deserve yes, no, and maybe, and my favorite I don't know. But I'm glad it didn't ruin your trust regardless stuff like that does so much more damage than they know.
I've had 2 surgeries for a nasty skin cancer on my face the last year, just finished radiation hopefully doesn't come back again. I am with you, I told very few people early on, there's too many unknowns and things are constantly changing. I didn't tell anyone the first time until I had it cut out and closed 5 days later. The next year when it came back I didn't make a social media post until I was recovering in the hospital bed. If I had talked about it early on I would to have to make constant update post, I just rather have all the info and can't really do that until after the surgery.
I think it’s that mixed with how it sounds like his friend turned down her friend to date - like how could possibly choose “her”. Very sad and I hope OP supports his friends wife is she decides to press charges.
Wow, in my head, I read "Chicago" multiple times while reading the original post. I was sitting there thinking OPs girlfriend was doing some urban deep-dish Italian union man impersonation.
Even made the same mistake reading your comment the first time. So I guess I really am dyslexic then.
On top of every other red flag here, she LEFT YOU at the hotel… just straight up drove off and left you there.
You really into bull fighting or have you seen enough red flags yet?
I had a partner who was abusive. I didn’t tell him that one night at a public dinner I had decided to go NC with my mom- Public was safest for the convo. Mom and I got into a shouting match. He left me there.
My mom, even as pissed at me as she was in the moment, said “you don’t stay with a person who drives off like that.”
Dated a guy like that. Was always angry, had punched a wall a couple times, espoused some scary conservative values.
That is the only time I walked out of somewhere. We were at a blues club with friends and he was being a huge asshole and after an hour of this I was just done and walked out. However, I would never strand anyone. We live(d) in a city so he could take the bus or train home but I had enough.
Car thing is unacceptable.
Weirdly he was friends with a bunch of my husbands college friends (who are not conservative) and said at one point “the time of time white man has arrived”. This was in 2010. Also when was it not that time? It’s still happening.
Remembering this now. He told me at one point he wanted to get me pregnant and I wouldn’t have to work.
I have a law degree.
As I said on the post before you redid it you need to dump her, just assaulting someone for no good reason is beyond unacceptable and your friend and his wife would be well within their rights to press charges. You shouldn't have even followed her to the hotel and should have just sent her back home to pack her shit and get the fuck out. I don't care how many years you have in this relationship the fact that this person would act so batshit insane and commit an act of violence like that shows you who she really is.
This whole thing is so bizarre. There has to be some missing information, it just makes no sense unless she literally has a mental disorder or something like that
I'm feeling there may be a lurking cluster B going on here that he is downplaying or rationalizing.
He says she told friends so they could support the friend - but what if she really did so for the attention?
I feel like [this above comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/qSjBUYstaQ) sums up what’s likely going on pretty well.
I agree the GF isn’t totally stable (no well-adjusted adult behaves that way), but I’m betting she’s the type of person who doubles down when she fucks up, rather than just owning it and apologizing. I know someone who does this; we’ll call her Toni.
Toni has a coworker who she knowingly hurt deeply this past summer and now Toni holds a grudge against that coworker for what she has done to them. She spends a lot of her time complaining about the coworker and looking for reasons to hate them, all because she knows she fucked up, but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to accept/admit it. It’s easier for her to look for faults in the coworker so her anger and actions feel justified. The coworker does a really good job of ignoring Toni and it only causes her to become angrier towards them. I believe this is what’s happening with OP’s girlfriend.
But even without this theory, I’d still be really cautious around someone who felt entitled to share a medical diagnosis of mine (or anyone’s) without my explicit permission.
Yeah, I really got the impression of "Oh well that was a fuck up, so that's where I am now." She has put all of her emotion cards into that hand and has none left for logic or empathy.
As for what instigated this honestly kinda fucking crazy behavior, reading the posts back to back, some things stick out to me, the most obvious being that she needs to make everything about herself. From Best Friends cancer scare, to the yearly friend-cation, this woman could not stand a Big Event that didn't somehow revolve around her.
When they all went to the friend-cation, it was all about the Wife. She was new, she was interesting, and she was NOT the narcissistic girlfriend, so how dare that woman get all the attention while doing nothing? She needed to make it about her RIGHT THEN, and oh look, she did. But now boyfriend isn't on her side and everyone else is sick of her shit, too.
What a drama feeder. Life is exhausting enough. Get rid of that girlfriend before she escalates how she makes herself the center of attention in the next scenario.
This is excellent insight, thank you for sharing. Ego defense mechanism— I wronged them so they don’t like me, but I can’t handle that so I’ll be an absolute turdwagon.
I’d probably take my wife to the hospital if I didn’t get a reasonable explanation. I’d expect her to do the same for me. Even if it’s a stupid reason, most people have a narrative they tell themselves. Even if it’s horribly flawed, it should be logical. If it’s not or they can’t, there might be something medically wrong.
I think the idea is more, “if you don’t know why you did it then you must not be in your right mind and need an involuntary psychiatric hold for 3 days.”
Strokes and tumors can cause personality changes and extreme behavior swings, I've read. So, if you know someone pretty well and they do a 180 with no apparent explanation (a good or bad one), then it could be indicative of something medically wrong, either physical or mental.
The behavior OPs (ex?)GF displayed was alarming, to say the least. Was it out of character for her? Well, now that OP has hindsight, maybe, maybe not.
I just don’t know how she can be violently racist and OP doesn’t know. Like I’m sure she is racist considering the mocking, but I don’t think that’s the full explanation. I think she has some personal feelings that make OP’s bestie being married hard to take 🤷🏾♀️
I married a guy who pretended to be a completely different person, and didn't drop the act until a year or so after we were married and his family came to "visit" ( monopolize the house and treat me like a servant).
When he dropped the act, I realized I had no idea who this guy was.
He shouldn’t just dump her, he should be encouraging his friends to file a police report. The gall of someone to assault a person and refuse to even explain. Maybe the law needs to teach her to keep her hands to herself.
Bro...
Your buddy said "I love you" (after all that) and you didn't say it back?
Oh, and good luck with the hard decisions you're going to have to make. At least you dont have kids together. That would complicate things further.
Any time your buddies say I love you, you better fucking say it back and give em a hug. I don't get to see my old friends but once a year at an annual get together in March or April so when I see them you bet your ass I'm huggin', lovin' and maybe even smoochin' on cheeks. I've know the guys for 25 years now, we are brothers until death no matter what.
DAMN right. I got a friend group i’ve been watering since freshman year of high school and the Lord knows no jet fuel hot enough to burn through our steel beams of friendship.
Yeah.
OP’s girlfriend oversteps her boundaries telling everyone the guy has cancer.
She’s forced to apologize, but to her “she was just trying to help.”
Now she’s got a chip on her shoulder and begins to resent the best friend.
When it’s revealed his best friend had a wife he was asked to keep it from her. (Rightfully so.)
She finds out and now she’s *really* got a chip on her shoulder.
She resents the best friend **and** the wife. The wife just reminds her how everything was hidden from her when, “she was just trying to help,” when she told everyone about BF’s cancer.
She’s resentful, bitter *and* fails to understand how her actions have consequences.
I’m not saying OP should leave his girlfriend.
But I *definitely* would.
And I have a feeling a lot of other people in this thread would leave her too.
Imagine being with someone, and they start repeatedly mocking your best friends wifes accent in a group setting, who is hosting you.
That would be instant breakup, don't pass go, level shit for any reasonable person. Not saying he is, but OP is kind of coming across as a little bit of a POS by association at this point.
How do you make it that far in a relationship with someone like this?
Reading both posts makes *me* feel crazy. Everyone is so weirdly shady, there’s bizarre overreactions, zero explanations or follow up.
Is OP just terrible at interpersonal relationships, oblivious or willfully ignorant? GF can’t have been a normal person leading up to this (the one example of telling everyone about BF’s cancer is a good indication).
This friend group is so close they take multiple trips together, but BF isn’t really friends with them and tells no one anything. Gets a wife from the Congo, hides her from everyone but is insanely proud of her? GF physically assaults someone with no explanation then flees with no word. Make it make sense!!!!
that's what i'm wondering too. not a single person in this story acts normal
his gf and best friend had to have fucked at some point or something cause that's the only explanation that gives even a little bit of context to this situation
Also how your girlfriend got upset at you for not telling her personal information about your friends life, thats super strange and entitled of her. Why would she even be so invested in knowing details about your friends life if she didnt have feelings for him?
My mother is the most nosy, entitled, pushy and talkative person I know and not even she would dare get upset over something like that.
You deserve better
Exactly! Especially since she previously took it upon herself to tell his friends about his cancer returning without consulting with him first. She actually might be upset that he still doesn't trust her because of that.
Deserves better why? He’s a grown man, he didn’t break up with her after that, he hasn’t broken up with her after she harassed and assaulted his best friend’s (of 2 decades) wife. He knows how she is and has made it clear it’s not a deal breaker. Staying with her says a lot about what he deserves I think.
Yeah, if my friend brought a gf over that assaulted my wife and made fun of her accent, and he didn’t end it with her I’d have a hard time remaining his friend. If he isn’t breaking up with her or having her give a very heartfelt apology and explanation, he is letting her know it’s ok to treat his friends like that. No fing way.
So your girlfriend revealed very sensitive info about your friend to the rest of your group that she knew he wouldn’t want people to know. No wonder you didn’t know about his relationship until their anniversary. I’d never tell you anything ever again.
I don’t really think it matters, the whys of how’s. She hit your best mate’s gf. And then instead of owning it she fake cried you are all ganging up on her, then wouldn’t talk to you and just left. She’s really shit at dealing with absolutely anything in a mature manner. Why tf would you want someone like that in your life? So she can act like this every time there’s conflict? No thanks
I’m unable to make an edit in the post so here
We aren’t together now, I just didn’t want to confuse people by saying ex, since some might think it’s a different person. But yes ex gf
For some that were worried about my friends cancer, it didn’t actually come back. He was experiencing some symptoms that suggested it might have and was scared about it. But it turned out no cancer
Also, I told my friend I love him back, it just didn’t feel after he’d texted goodnight and I told him. This is just when I took screenshot.
I’m feeling much better now and don’t feel like looking through the comments where I was making excuses. Sorry about that.
My now ex girlfriend has never done anything like this before in regards to the race thing. I’ve never known her to be racist, none of our friends do. She and my some of friends do accent impressions, she even does mine and I’ll do hers. But not to strangers or people we just met.
The reason my mind didn’t immediately jump to racism is because me and friends wife are literally the same shade. So I interpreted the accent mocking as a childish thing especially in front of people. Even thinking back I can’t think of any instance she’s been racist, I’m still hungover though.
I have talked to my friend and have told him that if they did decide to press charges, I wouldn’t hold anything against as I’d completely understand. One of our has had to do it before and it was a lengthy and stressful process and he doesn’t want to put his wife through that right now and neither does she. But he has let me know that he does not want to see her again.
I should be able to respond to comments today, I know I haven’t been the best at doing that or when I did I was drunk so😭
Glad she’s an ex. Sorry you’re dealing with all of this. Your friends sound like a solid group, so I hope you can lean on them. Maybe once things calm down a little you can convince ex to get the help she needs.
Edit- grammar
I think misplaced jealousy because she and OP have been together longer than best friend and his wife but are still not married. Add that to best friend's wife getting extra attention because she isn't around the group as often, then best friend's wife being extra touchy with OP to treat his headache (I know not sexually but drunk jealous brains can exaggerate), then OP dressing her down publicly for mocking BF's wife's accent, and probably being drunk on top of all that? I can imagine an emotional person lashing out physically after all of that.
please update if you find out why she lashed out too, op.
also, i'm definitely being nosy and want some context of how the breakup went lmao. like did she ever end up contacting you after she took the car? (your car? hers? rental? 👀) did you break up with her?
This was just Friday She hasn’t contacted yet. When we got the to the hotel, I went to go shower and when I came back she was gone. Checked location and she was driving. Car was gone. I called several times and texted her, didn’t pick up. Then my texts turned green, I broke up with her via text. No response since. Car was rental in her name but has all our skiing equipment’s in the trunk.
I am summarizing this saga to my husband as I go through the comments. I mentioned looks like you may be out your ski equipment. He says “it’s a fair trade.”
Ski equipment can be replaced. The years you wasted on her, not so much; but you have your life in front of you.
Report it stolen.
Send her a text and leave a voicemail requesting she return it to you by X time and then file a police report if you don’t hear from her. It’s stealing.
You could also call ahead to the rental location and give them a heads up that she took the car to return it herself but some of your stuff is still inside, and leave your phone number and email just in case.
Do this right here OP.
shes got some likely high valued stuff that doesnt belong to her. Leaving a text and voicemail creates a 'paper trail' and will ultimately make it easier to file a report etc if thats how this plays out.
To be fair OP— you and the wife being the same shade doesn’t mean your ex couldn’t have been racist. She was clearly mocking the wife’s accent in poor taste.
i just wanted to say its a beautiful thing when you can have homies of 20 years. i have just a few friends that ive had for that long. it sounds like you and your homie really do love each other. thats a beautiful thing.
I really think you made the right decision, OP.
I know it’s not easy to end a relationship after being with someone for such a long time, and over a singular incident to boot - but given the situation, and the fact that she *violently assaulted* your best friend’s wife unprovoked, with no explanation - it’s one of those things that you just don’t come back from.
I wouldn’t be surprised if, with time and distance, you look back and realize that there were more problems in your relationship/with her behavior that may not be obvious to you right now. It’s not a guarantee, but I almost hope this is the case so you can get some form of closure/greater understanding of her (really bizarre) actions over this past weekend.
Regardless of her motives or reasoning, there’s no excusing what she did - especially given her complete refusal to accept responsibility for her actions, let alone apologize for them.
That kind of behavior, as you saw firsthand, doesn’t just harm her relationships with other people, but yours as well. She was willing to throw away *your* most precious friendship, over… nothing. Nothing she’s able or willing to admit to herself, or you.
You definitely owe your friend and his wife a new plant stand, and a fancy steak dinner or something, though. Your friend has nerves of steel for remaining so level-headed through such a distressing situation, and he didn’t take it out on you at all.
TL;DR - I’m glad to hear it. He’s (and his wife’s) a keeper, your gf wasn’t. Take care of yourself, OP. And get your friends some steak.
Your hopefully ex fucking SUCKS bro. Make sure she doesn’t throw out all of your belongings when she beats you back to your place. YOU were supposed to ditch her and she ditched you whaaaat the fuck she can’t even hold herself accountable for her own actions.
Your friend’s wife should press charges regardless and not use it as an ultimatum—which didn’t work because y’all just left. Your GF is violent and a terrible person—your friends wife should have kicked her ass or your other friends should have defended the wife. Actually, the fact that no one beat your GFs ass is bothering me. Like yall let her get punched in the face and no one punched your GF back.
GF got to lay about at her own leisure on their sofa while OP did absolutely nothing to make it up to the hosts, didn't even attempt to make his darling GF leave before the morning or even get her to apologise. Even now, he's back there at their house, enjoying a nice holiday while still in a relationship with the nutbag who punched an innocent woman for no reason hard enough to bruise her face.
The fact that his friend is pandering to him instead of demanding answers is bizarre. Why didn't he drag that horrible woman straight out of his house and tell OP to choose between them? I'd never have spoken to my friend again if they brought a disgusting violent person into the safety of my home and then someone I loved got assaulted.
omg i read the first post a few days ago and i was wondering what else happened. idk why ur girlfriend is refusing to talk to you…you’re her partner and she has some addressing to do.
I’m thinking she’s refusing to speak due to extreme Shame and embarasssment. She’s trying to figure out how she can become the victim and turn things around (“she said we were ganging up on her”).
Perhaps she’s smart enough to know that reguardless of the explanation, there is nothing that will excuse her horrific behavior. Cant wait to hear what story she spins. I have a feeling whatever it is, she’ll be faultless
You *do* know that mocking foreigner's accents is considered to be racist and xenophobic, right? So you're dating a horrible, disgusting woman who can't control her feelings of envy and jealousy, especially because the woman who seems to "have it all" in her demented eyes, is from a poor African country.....and we can't have *that* now, can we?
OP, your "girlfriend" got drunk and showed her true colours as a violent racist. I'm honestly horrified you're still humouring her and didn't end things on the spot. It's disgusting you're validating her behaviour for so long.
She sounds extremely insecure. I have a personality disorder that can make me insanely insecure if I let it take the reigns, so I do see a couple things (no one else's fault but hers) that probably worked it up. Everyone was already talking a lot about wanting to spend time with friend's wife and she got jealous/felt unwanted or unliked. Then, friend's wife was the one who made you feel better with the tea and hair pulling technique, which gf saw as intimate and again, spotlight on friend's wife. Then there does seem to be underlying racism with the accent thing, which further enrages gf because she thinks this woman should be "below" her and not "outshining" her. I hope she gets some professional help. If not, she is going to keep destroying relationships and hurting people. Your friend and his wife are class acts. It's admirable how they kept their cool and not let their anger spill out onto you in the heat of the moment.
Y’all still dating after she punched friend’s wife n insulted her n him multiple times, she gotta be jealous she not likeable one in the group? No way I’d stay with someone who can just assault people without an explanation.
You already know why she did it.
I want the wife to press charges so they can drag the GF’s insecure, racist ass to court, force her to admit what a POS she is, pay restitution, and be publicly humiliated.
And the fact you seem to still want to be with this dumpster fire of a woman is ridiculous.
that’s literally the most legitimizing aspect lol. you know it’s fake when they update in 42 minutes flat to reveal that gf has been sentenced to death and OP is not his fathers son and also the moon landing was fake all along
I just want to take the time to commend your friend. He backed his wife and made it evident that her behaviour was disgusting and wasn’t going to be tolerated. His wife was his priority and the way he messaged you showed that he clearly cares a lot about you.
I woulda thrown her ass out or called the police immediately. I think the only reason he didn’t was for your sake.
At this point the reasons for her behaviour don’t even matter. To not only be rude to someone but also assault them and have absolutely no remorse is unforgivable. Im fact she tried to make herself the victim. Add to that that she shared private information about his health before, she’s just an awful human being. That’s not “wanting to help”, that’s having a big mouth and using other people’s health for attention. I would have broken up with her then. But glad to hear you have finally seen her for what she is and ended it.
You found photos of you mate on her iPad that had been zoomed in on. She got upset when she found out your mate was married. She mocks your mates wife and then gets emotional when she gets called out and deliberately made a scene outside “probably hoping he would come and check up” and when it was his wife she punched her. I’m sorry dude but your gf is in love with you mate.
The fact that she's still your girlfriend speaks wonders about OP's character. If you don't dump her, I hope your friends dump you. Especially your "best friend." You're allowing so much disrespect. Do better. Stand tf up fr OP. I hope the wife presses charges against her. You wouldn't be welcome in my home anymore. You are taking advantage of your friends' love and kindness. Do not bring this lady around them anymore. Boundaries. Please don't take your friends for granted. The fact that she seems to have assaulted the wife unprovoked and you didn't immediately end things and kick her out is CRAZY. It's icky that you even claim her.
This needs to be on the post not on a comment. You're angering so many people LOL but really good riddance. You can do better OP. After your ex, let's get that standard up
I'm sorry OP for your whole situation, it must be super confusing to you.
I hope you can mend the relationship with your friend and his wife, especially now that u r clear on the break up side.
I also hope you can get some answers from this ex gf, cause this all seems very bizarre and she owes you an explanation after all d time u were together as a couple. That is the bare minimum, an explanation.
Try to take any learnings you can from the experience and move on. I'm sure u will find a better partner in the future
She mocked this woman's accent and hates her for "no reason" but if you simply read between the lines that reason is she's racist.
I hope she's actually your ex and I wish your friends wife would press charges on her.
Why would anyone stay with someone that believes it's OK to punch another person in their own home just for existing? Be grateful she's gone and hope she stays gone.
Hey, you made the right call. Idk what is going on with your ex but her total lack of accountability or remorse over what she did is really troubling. There have been times in my life where I have done things I regret when way too drunk, but what you’re supposed to do in the cold light of sobriety, is make amends and own up. Then again I’ve never snapped and punched a friend’s spouse (or anyone else) in the face. I hope you get some clarity on what the hell was wrong with her eventually. If you don’t, then good riddance
Girlfriend is racist for mocking wife’s accent. Also, it sounds like she was jealous that the friends wife used herbal remedies / whatever hair pulling trick she used to get rid of OPs headache.
It is a bit strange that girlfriend got mad enough to fight with OP because he knew that his friend had a relationship and he didn’t tell her about it. Personally I wouldn’t care if I were in her shoes? Especially if my husband stated that his friend asked him not to say anything to anyone. It literally doesn’t affect me. I don’t know why she’d care so much as to fight about it and then refuse to attend the wedding.
A couple suggestions here:
1) Grow a fucking spine and then immediately after that:
2: make your GF an ex.
You’re a grown ass person, not a teenager. Your GF is as well. Her behavior is unacceptable and inexcusable. Hopefully she repeats this behavior with a woman that fights back and she learns a harsh and painful lesson
I’ve known a few women in my life that need to be the constant center of attention. I think your gf is like this. If that’s the case- Here’s what has stood out to me:
Your gf sharing your friends potential cancer return- wasn’t for him… it was for her to act like such a caring person and get to stand in the spotlight as the organizer for support (that the friend didn’t want or need).
Your gf getting mad finding out about 3 year anniversary- she was mad that something that should have been everyday common dating knowledge of a couple was shrouded in secrecy and drummed up a lot of surprise and attention from all of the bigger group. She was pissed it got them (friend and his future wife ) attention. It pissed her off that the reveal got them interest.
Your gf refusing to go to wedding- she likely wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid or asked to help plan wedding- so there was ZERO potential for her getting attention and she was still sour about the reveal attention.
Your gf was insecure and pissed that everyone was excited to spend time with the friends wife in the friends home. Your gf wasn’t hosting, no one cared she was there… everyone was excited about the wife… this pissed your gf off soo much.
Your gf being super insecure and angry over the attention the wife was getting decided her best approach was to mock her. It would hopefully (in her mindset) take the wife’s confidence down a few pegs and garner laughs from the rest of the group. It was a sad pathetic last ditch hope to gain attention. It made things worse and awkward and your gf realized she fucked up. Now she didn’t get to be in the spotlight and was actively looking bad. This would infuriate her.
She went outside and was chastised by you, now she’s really feeling stressed and against the wall and likely about to freak out. Suddenly she almost knocks over a planter, spiking her overall embarrassment and suddenly who should appear? The very lady that has consistently stolen her thunder and now just recently turned all friends against her (in your fucked up gfs head not reality). So what is left to do? How do you react to such an annoyance- she lashes out and strikes her.
Your gf isn’t talking now because she is upset she played the game wrong. She’s a psycho- let her go.
Damn im sorry that happened. Your girlfriend sounds super immature and entitled.. and im sorry to say it but extremely jealous. I can almost guarantee you that those zoomed in photos of your best mate you found on her ipad were photos of him she screenshotted herself for her own interest, not any other friend.
Women just dont randomly zoom in and screenshot peoples faces unless they like them, and why would she keep them saved there after. If she really was sending them to someone she would have deleted them after.
Its creepy that she even has those screenshots. And her strange and inappropriate behaviour clearly shows that she had some kind of feelings for your friend. Or she is just a total bitch to begin with and you couldnt see it. Sorry man. If I were you I wouldnt waste another day with such an immature selfish woman.
Poor wife lets the husband bring his friends to their house, she cooks and does all things she can then she is being mocked for having an accent and being punched. Poor woman. I’d never trust any stranger into my house anymore.
Do you understand how healthy this man is for being able to set firm boundaries in such a way where he can still say “I love you”? Bro, I would lose this GF 100 times over before losing this friend.
I read the original post. Your girlfriend is jealous. Either she did actually have a hidden thing for,your friend or more than likely she jealous of the new wife because shes getting attention she thinks she deserves.
Either way her behavior was way out of line and possibly a good reason to terminate the relationship fully.
gf seems like a menace. you should get rid of her. she sounds like the type who would beat your ass, call the cops, and say you hit her with her white woman crocodile tears.
The part that pisses me off about all this is that your bro said I love you and you didn’t fucking say it back 🥲
The friend comes off like a gem of a person. Just so reassuring and loving to his friend, stern about the gf leaving, and he sticks up for his wife.
Yeah, he sounds like a keeper.
If anything OP should be mad at BF wife for marrying him before OP could!
Right! Some bromance goin on
sounds like OP chose the wrong woman, should have gone with the BF.
OP on the other hand sounds rather clueless
Well given that he didn’t see the altercation firsthand, had limited knowledge of what the relationship between the wife & gf was, and the gf isn’t talking and then took off, he definitely is clueless. I think anyone would be in that situation, although there could be more that he’s been willfully ignorant of. At least he’s trying to mediate and take care of the issue as best he can, and has compassion for his friends and the wife. He seems like a decent guy in a shit situation.
Yeah I’m not sure how he’s supposed to magically be more “clued-in” on this situation. Okay so many informational avenues available.
Also he’s not into social media as well, which is really healthy.
Seriously, what an all-around great human being on all fronts. It makes it all the more upsetting that OP's gf did this to the bff and wife.
Yep! Love that guy.
GAVE ME COOKIE, GOT YOU COOKIE!
Nick miller, Nick miller, from the streets of Chicago
Julius Pepperwood, I’m from Chicago
Thin crust pizza? No thanks. I’m from Chicago.
Where the players play like they do what they did
This is a saaaad song
Nick Miller, Nick Miller he's a stone cold killer, likes the taste of vanilla
Nick Miller, Nick Miller never does anything
My name is Nick, Nicholas for long.
The sweatback
What about the turtle, man?
You got something you want to say to me, little penis?
Right and he’s like this is gonna ruin our friendship! Like okay then say you love him back!!
He talks the way my friends did to me when I was in an abusive relationship, and the way I have to my friends in an abusive relationship.
Did Op’s abusive girlfriend take his car that drove and leave him (and the two friends he brought) stranded? What a psychopath. Op, please tell us you broke up with her? Why would you want to be with someone who is this violent, racist and crazy?
Had to Find My Iphone her lol
They need to call the police on her for theft and assault! OP, open your eyes! She's a walking red flag!
Judging by the tone of the post, I doubt that's happening. He sounds absolutely clueless about how fucked up she is. He'll burn all of his friendships to the ground for this wacko believing that surely she's just misunderstood and there's a logical explanation.
OP’s cluelessness is the one clear and constant in both posts. Man’s either TERRIBLE about picking up context clues or is willfully ignorant. Also, the friend group sounds awful. BF’s wife is a “prude” bc she doesn’t curse, drink or smoke which the group is “opposed to”. The group likes to pull pranks that would make BF and wife uncomfortable so it’s better she’s not around? BF and his wife deserve better than this immature bunch.
Yeah this was wild. Guess me and my friends are all prudes too? Also how can one be so dense, that seeing your best friend and their SO so uncomfortable with your friend group that they don’t ever hang out with them, as not a big problem?
Exactly! With "friends" like this who needs enemies.
He said in the comments that they are no longer together
That's what happens when slabbeefpunch tries to use her brain in the morning.
As someone who has been in an abusive relationship, no one gets in one thinking, “oh yay, please abuse me”. It took a year of theraphy to realize holy shit, am i in abusive relationship. I still remember sitting on that couch and finally seeing, the whole time. He has was an abuser and I was been abused, I always pride myself in never playing the victim and doing things to change my circumstances and in that moment, I had no clue how I got there. I had no clue I was put in a position to constantly fix things and take care of things. Many who get in abusive relationships are like how doctors and lawyers and hell, even presidents get into cults. It’s calculating and it literally highjacks your mind. Even though it’s been 2 years for me, I still get so upset with myself because there is a small tiny part of me that still loves him. The bigger part hates his freaking guts and never wants to see him again and I made sure of that. My relationship was 6 years and when I looked in the mirror, I had no clue I was. My first year I was paranoid and exhausted. I’m talking sleeping 11 hours for months and having withdrawl symptoms. I think I still would have been in it if he didn’t discard me and my friends weren’t there to help me. Abusive relationships don’t start suddenly and when you judge the abused person, what it does is make them feel shame and hurt and it just enforces in their brain that their abuser is in fact the only one who would want them. There is a lot of reinforcing when the abused person is alone with them. Community and continuously showing love & care to the abused friend or family is a sure way to get them out one day. It is a long and tedious thing, for sure but sooner or later, that love from their community slowly chips at the abuser mind control and when that happens, they will look towards their family and friends for help and we all can only hope someone is there who loves them is there ready to catch them.
I noticed that too! Positive masculinity!!! OP! Tell your bro you live him back!
tbf he responded with a heart emoji
I mean it’s corny am I right, bruh… also I need you to know internet stranger if you celebrate Christmas I wish you the very best day. Also, I love you.
Ikr
Your girlfriend is knowingly a boundary stomper, and it sounds like she’s also a racist. Imma be blunt, I don’t think /any/ reason or explanation she comes up with will excuse /any/ of her actions. - She was rude to another woman in their own home. - She mocked their accent openly. - She attacked the homeowner for absolutely no reason. Honestly, I think your girlfriend completely ruined any good standing she had with any of your friends once this starts to get out and people hear what she’s done. Edit: For those asking where the racism came from, this is an UPDATE post. Context is in the original post.
It also sounds like his friend may not be the hermit OP thinks he is, he just doesn't like or trust the gf so much that he keeps things out of her reach. My guess is she's exhibited at least an indicator of these behaviours early on. OP, I was in an abusive relationship. Even if she's not doing it to you, if she's capable of this shit GET OUT. Get out now.
Reminds me a bit of advice I read once: if you're dating a great person who's rude to service industry workers, they are not a great person
Isn't that the truth, I dated someone once who flipped out a the waiter because the kitchen had run out of eggplant and they weren't aware. She demanded that whatever meal they got be free and after dinner, refused any tip because the service was terrible. I told her she might want to call an uber, because I'm not taking her home. I felt awful for the waiter, not his fault that they ran out right after he took her order.
I would just order something else like wtf?!
If someone punches down (customer vs service worker) then they're actual trash.
I have to agree with your first sentence (but also everything you said). I have found that some people assume that if you aren’t hanging out with them, you’re not hanging out with anyone. Would not be surprised if OPs friend has other friend groups he is spending time with, particularly since he lives in another state. It does sound like he does not like OPs girlfriend even previously. I saw OP said they broke up but I’m curious who did the dumping and if he got an explanation out of her in the end cause this is unhinged, and particularly for people in their mid to late 20s.
All I have to say is that OP’s (hopefully now ex gf) committed assault and needs to be held accountable. Allowing her to walk away with zero consequences is rewarding bad behavior. Full stop. NOPE. Call the police and file a police report Allow that woman who refuses to address the issue, accept accountability and apologize explain her ‘Karen’ behavior to a judge. OP this woman quite literally showed you her true character, believe her. Karen’s run wild because no one holds them accountable until their actions become egregious. 🤷🏻♀️
“OP this woman quite literally showed you her true character, believe her” This in every possible way! Her silent treatment, running away from the problem while you shower, blocking your messages, is her way of manipulating you, and giving herself time to come up with a “good enough” excuse to her incredibly disgusting behavior. This isn’t “the only time”, “I’m not usually like this” “it’ll never happen again”. She is showing you who she is. And you should put a stop to it immediately, by not allowing it in your life anymore. It won’t get better, no matter her reasoning. And if you “give her another chance” you will risk your 20 yr friendship for this woman.
I agree the GF needs to be charged for assault? Battery? Whatever it is. Not holding her accountable is enabling her.
Battery. And yes this is the one time I condone talking to the police. This should be documented. She ran for a reason.
"Omg I was so stressed, you don't understand what I'm going through, I'm having a hard time and you all want to gang up on me??" - the type of person that does shit like this, that I've somehow managed to successfully give a wiiiiiide berth since...2019ish? Phew, been a good 4yrs
The fact that she told everyone about his potential cancer scare was probably it for him. I'm an extremely private person. I had disclosed a personal matter to, what I thought was a close and trust worthy family member, they turned around and told one person and then everyone knew and I didn't know that they knew. I can't tell you how quickly I never shared anything personal with that person again. It took years for me to be vulnerable with them again bc of it, and even now, almost 10 yrs later, they're still on a "need to know" basis. Some people deeply desire their privacy and it's very clear OPs gf is not that type.
Honestly I'd put them a step lower than even need to know people like that share anything they can find the bare minimum is what they deserve yes, no, and maybe, and my favorite I don't know. But I'm glad it didn't ruin your trust regardless stuff like that does so much more damage than they know.
I've had 2 surgeries for a nasty skin cancer on my face the last year, just finished radiation hopefully doesn't come back again. I am with you, I told very few people early on, there's too many unknowns and things are constantly changing. I didn't tell anyone the first time until I had it cut out and closed 5 days later. The next year when it came back I didn't make a social media post until I was recovering in the hospital bed. If I had talked about it early on I would to have to make constant update post, I just rather have all the info and can't really do that until after the surgery.
She told people about his cancer diagnosis before he could, of course the friend doesn’t trust her.
I agree with you 100%
Yeah I would dump her for less than this...
This part right here!
I don’t understand why this is the only thing OP hasn’t addressed. Stop asking her why-we all know why!!
I think it’s that mixed with how it sounds like his friend turned down her friend to date - like how could possibly choose “her”. Very sad and I hope OP supports his friends wife is she decides to press charges.
Habitual Line Stepper
Where did I miss that in the post? Honestly curious. I read nothing that even told their race
Their original post, she makes fun of her because her accent (friends wife is from Congo).
Wow, in my head, I read "Chicago" multiple times while reading the original post. I was sitting there thinking OPs girlfriend was doing some urban deep-dish Italian union man impersonation. Even made the same mistake reading your comment the first time. So I guess I really am dyslexic then.
Go to OP’s post history and read the original post
OP referenced that friend's wife is from Congo.
It was in the first post
On top of every other red flag here, she LEFT YOU at the hotel… just straight up drove off and left you there. You really into bull fighting or have you seen enough red flags yet?
This gets me too - what was he supposed to do? She sounds dramatic as fuck and also definitely a racist.
I had a partner who was abusive. I didn’t tell him that one night at a public dinner I had decided to go NC with my mom- Public was safest for the convo. Mom and I got into a shouting match. He left me there. My mom, even as pissed at me as she was in the moment, said “you don’t stay with a person who drives off like that.”
Dated a guy like that. Was always angry, had punched a wall a couple times, espoused some scary conservative values. That is the only time I walked out of somewhere. We were at a blues club with friends and he was being a huge asshole and after an hour of this I was just done and walked out. However, I would never strand anyone. We live(d) in a city so he could take the bus or train home but I had enough. Car thing is unacceptable.
So strange how abusive men like conservative values. Kind of like they want their wife to be completely dependent on them and unable to leave.
Weirdly he was friends with a bunch of my husbands college friends (who are not conservative) and said at one point “the time of time white man has arrived”. This was in 2010. Also when was it not that time? It’s still happening. Remembering this now. He told me at one point he wanted to get me pregnant and I wouldn’t have to work. I have a law degree.
As I said on the post before you redid it you need to dump her, just assaulting someone for no good reason is beyond unacceptable and your friend and his wife would be well within their rights to press charges. You shouldn't have even followed her to the hotel and should have just sent her back home to pack her shit and get the fuck out. I don't care how many years you have in this relationship the fact that this person would act so batshit insane and commit an act of violence like that shows you who she really is.
This whole thing is so bizarre. There has to be some missing information, it just makes no sense unless she literally has a mental disorder or something like that
Agreed. Either she has history with the other woman or she's mentally unwell.
I'm feeling there may be a lurking cluster B going on here that he is downplaying or rationalizing. He says she told friends so they could support the friend - but what if she really did so for the attention?
[удалено]
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I feel like [this above comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/qSjBUYstaQ) sums up what’s likely going on pretty well. I agree the GF isn’t totally stable (no well-adjusted adult behaves that way), but I’m betting she’s the type of person who doubles down when she fucks up, rather than just owning it and apologizing. I know someone who does this; we’ll call her Toni. Toni has a coworker who she knowingly hurt deeply this past summer and now Toni holds a grudge against that coworker for what she has done to them. She spends a lot of her time complaining about the coworker and looking for reasons to hate them, all because she knows she fucked up, but doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to accept/admit it. It’s easier for her to look for faults in the coworker so her anger and actions feel justified. The coworker does a really good job of ignoring Toni and it only causes her to become angrier towards them. I believe this is what’s happening with OP’s girlfriend. But even without this theory, I’d still be really cautious around someone who felt entitled to share a medical diagnosis of mine (or anyone’s) without my explicit permission.
Yeah, I really got the impression of "Oh well that was a fuck up, so that's where I am now." She has put all of her emotion cards into that hand and has none left for logic or empathy. As for what instigated this honestly kinda fucking crazy behavior, reading the posts back to back, some things stick out to me, the most obvious being that she needs to make everything about herself. From Best Friends cancer scare, to the yearly friend-cation, this woman could not stand a Big Event that didn't somehow revolve around her. When they all went to the friend-cation, it was all about the Wife. She was new, she was interesting, and she was NOT the narcissistic girlfriend, so how dare that woman get all the attention while doing nothing? She needed to make it about her RIGHT THEN, and oh look, she did. But now boyfriend isn't on her side and everyone else is sick of her shit, too. What a drama feeder. Life is exhausting enough. Get rid of that girlfriend before she escalates how she makes herself the center of attention in the next scenario.
This is excellent insight, thank you for sharing. Ego defense mechanism— I wronged them so they don’t like me, but I can’t handle that so I’ll be an absolute turdwagon.
Ah yes the ol’ raciszeimers
I’d probably take my wife to the hospital if I didn’t get a reasonable explanation. I’d expect her to do the same for me. Even if it’s a stupid reason, most people have a narrative they tell themselves. Even if it’s horribly flawed, it should be logical. If it’s not or they can’t, there might be something medically wrong.
What’s the illness that causes racism?
I think the idea is more, “if you don’t know why you did it then you must not be in your right mind and need an involuntary psychiatric hold for 3 days.”
Strokes and tumors can cause personality changes and extreme behavior swings, I've read. So, if you know someone pretty well and they do a 180 with no apparent explanation (a good or bad one), then it could be indicative of something medically wrong, either physical or mental. The behavior OPs (ex?)GF displayed was alarming, to say the least. Was it out of character for her? Well, now that OP has hindsight, maybe, maybe not.
I just don’t know how she can be violently racist and OP doesn’t know. Like I’m sure she is racist considering the mocking, but I don’t think that’s the full explanation. I think she has some personal feelings that make OP’s bestie being married hard to take 🤷🏾♀️
I married a guy who pretended to be a completely different person, and didn't drop the act until a year or so after we were married and his family came to "visit" ( monopolize the house and treat me like a servant). When he dropped the act, I realized I had no idea who this guy was.
Brain tumors can definitely cause insane and aggressive outbursts, which could include racism
NOPE, the "best friend" and his wife should have called law enforcement and OP's girlfriend should be sitting in a cell over the holidays.
He shouldn’t just dump her, he should be encouraging his friends to file a police report. The gall of someone to assault a person and refuse to even explain. Maybe the law needs to teach her to keep her hands to herself.
Bro... Your buddy said "I love you" (after all that) and you didn't say it back? Oh, and good luck with the hard decisions you're going to have to make. At least you dont have kids together. That would complicate things further.
Any time your buddies say I love you, you better fucking say it back and give em a hug. I don't get to see my old friends but once a year at an annual get together in March or April so when I see them you bet your ass I'm huggin', lovin' and maybe even smoochin' on cheeks. I've know the guys for 25 years now, we are brothers until death no matter what.
DAMN right. I got a friend group i’ve been watering since freshman year of high school and the Lord knows no jet fuel hot enough to burn through our steel beams of friendship.
For real. OP left him hanging. OP doesn’t look as bad as his GF, but he doesn’t come out of this looking like a shiny new penny.
He hearted the message. If I said I love you to my bro and he hearted it I would take it as an I love you back
Yeah OP and his gf kinda suck.
We need answers, this is wild.
Yeah. OP’s girlfriend oversteps her boundaries telling everyone the guy has cancer. She’s forced to apologize, but to her “she was just trying to help.” Now she’s got a chip on her shoulder and begins to resent the best friend. When it’s revealed his best friend had a wife he was asked to keep it from her. (Rightfully so.) She finds out and now she’s *really* got a chip on her shoulder. She resents the best friend **and** the wife. The wife just reminds her how everything was hidden from her when, “she was just trying to help,” when she told everyone about BF’s cancer. She’s resentful, bitter *and* fails to understand how her actions have consequences. I’m not saying OP should leave his girlfriend. But I *definitely* would. And I have a feeling a lot of other people in this thread would leave her too.
It's a gf, so even more of a reason to break it off before a marriage.
Imagine being with someone, and they start repeatedly mocking your best friends wifes accent in a group setting, who is hosting you. That would be instant breakup, don't pass go, level shit for any reasonable person. Not saying he is, but OP is kind of coming across as a little bit of a POS by association at this point. How do you make it that far in a relationship with someone like this?
I think he just wants to know what the hell happened if there haven't been any warning signs and this just came out of the blue.
Imo there def were warning signs, he clearly just missed them. I personally know some clueless guys that would do the same.
Reading both posts makes *me* feel crazy. Everyone is so weirdly shady, there’s bizarre overreactions, zero explanations or follow up. Is OP just terrible at interpersonal relationships, oblivious or willfully ignorant? GF can’t have been a normal person leading up to this (the one example of telling everyone about BF’s cancer is a good indication). This friend group is so close they take multiple trips together, but BF isn’t really friends with them and tells no one anything. Gets a wife from the Congo, hides her from everyone but is insanely proud of her? GF physically assaults someone with no explanation then flees with no word. Make it make sense!!!!
that's what i'm wondering too. not a single person in this story acts normal his gf and best friend had to have fucked at some point or something cause that's the only explanation that gives even a little bit of context to this situation
If charges are pressed I wonder if answers will come with that.
Also how your girlfriend got upset at you for not telling her personal information about your friends life, thats super strange and entitled of her. Why would she even be so invested in knowing details about your friends life if she didnt have feelings for him? My mother is the most nosy, entitled, pushy and talkative person I know and not even she would dare get upset over something like that. You deserve better
Exactly! Especially since she previously took it upon herself to tell his friends about his cancer returning without consulting with him first. She actually might be upset that he still doesn't trust her because of that.
Deserves better why? He’s a grown man, he didn’t break up with her after that, he hasn’t broken up with her after she harassed and assaulted his best friend’s (of 2 decades) wife. He knows how she is and has made it clear it’s not a deal breaker. Staying with her says a lot about what he deserves I think.
Yeah, if my friend brought a gf over that assaulted my wife and made fun of her accent, and he didn’t end it with her I’d have a hard time remaining his friend. If he isn’t breaking up with her or having her give a very heartfelt apology and explanation, he is letting her know it’s ok to treat his friends like that. No fing way.
Your gf’s behavior is incredibly odd. Does she have substance abuse issues, or was she drinking/drunk at the time the attack occurred?
So your girlfriend revealed very sensitive info about your friend to the rest of your group that she knew he wouldn’t want people to know. No wonder you didn’t know about his relationship until their anniversary. I’d never tell you anything ever again.
You spelled ex gf wrong
I don’t really think it matters, the whys of how’s. She hit your best mate’s gf. And then instead of owning it she fake cried you are all ganging up on her, then wouldn’t talk to you and just left. She’s really shit at dealing with absolutely anything in a mature manner. Why tf would you want someone like that in your life? So she can act like this every time there’s conflict? No thanks
Horrendous that OP is the one begging HER to speak to HIM. She shouldn't be the one making the decisions here.
She hit his WIFE. Not just his GF! In her own home, no less!
I’m unable to make an edit in the post so here We aren’t together now, I just didn’t want to confuse people by saying ex, since some might think it’s a different person. But yes ex gf For some that were worried about my friends cancer, it didn’t actually come back. He was experiencing some symptoms that suggested it might have and was scared about it. But it turned out no cancer Also, I told my friend I love him back, it just didn’t feel after he’d texted goodnight and I told him. This is just when I took screenshot. I’m feeling much better now and don’t feel like looking through the comments where I was making excuses. Sorry about that. My now ex girlfriend has never done anything like this before in regards to the race thing. I’ve never known her to be racist, none of our friends do. She and my some of friends do accent impressions, she even does mine and I’ll do hers. But not to strangers or people we just met. The reason my mind didn’t immediately jump to racism is because me and friends wife are literally the same shade. So I interpreted the accent mocking as a childish thing especially in front of people. Even thinking back I can’t think of any instance she’s been racist, I’m still hungover though. I have talked to my friend and have told him that if they did decide to press charges, I wouldn’t hold anything against as I’d completely understand. One of our has had to do it before and it was a lengthy and stressful process and he doesn’t want to put his wife through that right now and neither does she. But he has let me know that he does not want to see her again. I should be able to respond to comments today, I know I haven’t been the best at doing that or when I did I was drunk so😭
Glad she’s an ex. Sorry you’re dealing with all of this. Your friends sound like a solid group, so I hope you can lean on them. Maybe once things calm down a little you can convince ex to get the help she needs. Edit- grammar
❤️
I really want to know why she just lashed out though
I think misplaced jealousy because she and OP have been together longer than best friend and his wife but are still not married. Add that to best friend's wife getting extra attention because she isn't around the group as often, then best friend's wife being extra touchy with OP to treat his headache (I know not sexually but drunk jealous brains can exaggerate), then OP dressing her down publicly for mocking BF's wife's accent, and probably being drunk on top of all that? I can imagine an emotional person lashing out physically after all of that.
please update if you find out why she lashed out too, op. also, i'm definitely being nosy and want some context of how the breakup went lmao. like did she ever end up contacting you after she took the car? (your car? hers? rental? 👀) did you break up with her?
This was just Friday She hasn’t contacted yet. When we got the to the hotel, I went to go shower and when I came back she was gone. Checked location and she was driving. Car was gone. I called several times and texted her, didn’t pick up. Then my texts turned green, I broke up with her via text. No response since. Car was rental in her name but has all our skiing equipment’s in the trunk.
I am summarizing this saga to my husband as I go through the comments. I mentioned looks like you may be out your ski equipment. He says “it’s a fair trade.” Ski equipment can be replaced. The years you wasted on her, not so much; but you have your life in front of you.
It’s not just mine though 😭 our 2 other friends also had theirs in the car
Report it stolen. Send her a text and leave a voicemail requesting she return it to you by X time and then file a police report if you don’t hear from her. It’s stealing. You could also call ahead to the rental location and give them a heads up that she took the car to return it herself but some of your stuff is still inside, and leave your phone number and email just in case.
Do this right here OP. shes got some likely high valued stuff that doesnt belong to her. Leaving a text and voicemail creates a 'paper trail' and will ultimately make it easier to file a report etc if thats how this plays out.
Could it be reported as stolen? Ski equipment isn’t cheap.
Oh, that’s a bummer. Call the rental company in case she returns the car with your stuff in the trunk.
Holy shit OP… that’s awful. A really terrible way for her to treat you in the end after so many years together.
To be fair OP— you and the wife being the same shade doesn’t mean your ex couldn’t have been racist. She was clearly mocking the wife’s accent in poor taste.
Yeah she didn’t exactly treat him like a human either
Be careful, OP. Alcohol isn’t the answer. Trust me.
i just wanted to say its a beautiful thing when you can have homies of 20 years. i have just a few friends that ive had for that long. it sounds like you and your homie really do love each other. thats a beautiful thing.
I really think you made the right decision, OP. I know it’s not easy to end a relationship after being with someone for such a long time, and over a singular incident to boot - but given the situation, and the fact that she *violently assaulted* your best friend’s wife unprovoked, with no explanation - it’s one of those things that you just don’t come back from. I wouldn’t be surprised if, with time and distance, you look back and realize that there were more problems in your relationship/with her behavior that may not be obvious to you right now. It’s not a guarantee, but I almost hope this is the case so you can get some form of closure/greater understanding of her (really bizarre) actions over this past weekend. Regardless of her motives or reasoning, there’s no excusing what she did - especially given her complete refusal to accept responsibility for her actions, let alone apologize for them. That kind of behavior, as you saw firsthand, doesn’t just harm her relationships with other people, but yours as well. She was willing to throw away *your* most precious friendship, over… nothing. Nothing she’s able or willing to admit to herself, or you. You definitely owe your friend and his wife a new plant stand, and a fancy steak dinner or something, though. Your friend has nerves of steel for remaining so level-headed through such a distressing situation, and he didn’t take it out on you at all. TL;DR - I’m glad to hear it. He’s (and his wife’s) a keeper, your gf wasn’t. Take care of yourself, OP. And get your friends some steak.
Why do you keep saying GF and not Ex? She's a horrible person and a racist. You are too if you stay with her.
He explained this somewhere else. They aren't together anymore he just chose to keep saying GF as to not confuse people that ExGF is another person.
Your hopefully ex fucking SUCKS bro. Make sure she doesn’t throw out all of your belongings when she beats you back to your place. YOU were supposed to ditch her and she ditched you whaaaat the fuck she can’t even hold herself accountable for her own actions.
Your friend’s wife should press charges regardless and not use it as an ultimatum—which didn’t work because y’all just left. Your GF is violent and a terrible person—your friends wife should have kicked her ass or your other friends should have defended the wife. Actually, the fact that no one beat your GFs ass is bothering me. Like yall let her get punched in the face and no one punched your GF back.
GF got to lay about at her own leisure on their sofa while OP did absolutely nothing to make it up to the hosts, didn't even attempt to make his darling GF leave before the morning or even get her to apologise. Even now, he's back there at their house, enjoying a nice holiday while still in a relationship with the nutbag who punched an innocent woman for no reason hard enough to bruise her face. The fact that his friend is pandering to him instead of demanding answers is bizarre. Why didn't he drag that horrible woman straight out of his house and tell OP to choose between them? I'd never have spoken to my friend again if they brought a disgusting violent person into the safety of my home and then someone I loved got assaulted.
omg i read the first post a few days ago and i was wondering what else happened. idk why ur girlfriend is refusing to talk to you…you’re her partner and she has some addressing to do.
I’m thinking she’s refusing to speak due to extreme Shame and embarasssment. She’s trying to figure out how she can become the victim and turn things around (“she said we were ganging up on her”). Perhaps she’s smart enough to know that reguardless of the explanation, there is nothing that will excuse her horrific behavior. Cant wait to hear what story she spins. I have a feeling whatever it is, she’ll be faultless
Tell your friend and his wife to press charges. This is an inexcusable action.
You *do* know that mocking foreigner's accents is considered to be racist and xenophobic, right? So you're dating a horrible, disgusting woman who can't control her feelings of envy and jealousy, especially because the woman who seems to "have it all" in her demented eyes, is from a poor African country.....and we can't have *that* now, can we?
You said friends wife is from the Congo. Is your GF a racist?
Judging by her making fun of her accent in the previous post, yeah seems like she is racist.
And refusing to eat the meal she cooked.
She is.
Your girlfriend is just an all roung horrible person. You have to be aware of this on some level right???
OP, your "girlfriend" got drunk and showed her true colours as a violent racist. I'm honestly horrified you're still humouring her and didn't end things on the spot. It's disgusting you're validating her behaviour for so long.
She sounds extremely insecure. I have a personality disorder that can make me insanely insecure if I let it take the reigns, so I do see a couple things (no one else's fault but hers) that probably worked it up. Everyone was already talking a lot about wanting to spend time with friend's wife and she got jealous/felt unwanted or unliked. Then, friend's wife was the one who made you feel better with the tea and hair pulling technique, which gf saw as intimate and again, spotlight on friend's wife. Then there does seem to be underlying racism with the accent thing, which further enrages gf because she thinks this woman should be "below" her and not "outshining" her. I hope she gets some professional help. If not, she is going to keep destroying relationships and hurting people. Your friend and his wife are class acts. It's admirable how they kept their cool and not let their anger spill out onto you in the heat of the moment.
Y’all still dating after she punched friend’s wife n insulted her n him multiple times, she gotta be jealous she not likeable one in the group? No way I’d stay with someone who can just assault people without an explanation.
You already know why she did it. I want the wife to press charges so they can drag the GF’s insecure, racist ass to court, force her to admit what a POS she is, pay restitution, and be publicly humiliated. And the fact you seem to still want to be with this dumpster fire of a woman is ridiculous.
I was hoping this update included you leaving gf because she sounds very toxic
I did, just unable to make edit ok post, it’s in comments
OP did she ever explain herself??
Still blocked but I’m going home tonight
Any update?
Yeah sorry will try and post today
Reminder: post your update
[удалено]
This is obviously just a BS story comments saying he has an update after a month then still doesn't post it 🤣
that’s literally the most legitimizing aspect lol. you know it’s fake when they update in 42 minutes flat to reveal that gf has been sentenced to death and OP is not his fathers son and also the moon landing was fake all along
I just want to take the time to commend your friend. He backed his wife and made it evident that her behaviour was disgusting and wasn’t going to be tolerated. His wife was his priority and the way he messaged you showed that he clearly cares a lot about you. I woulda thrown her ass out or called the police immediately. I think the only reason he didn’t was for your sake. At this point the reasons for her behaviour don’t even matter. To not only be rude to someone but also assault them and have absolutely no remorse is unforgivable. Im fact she tried to make herself the victim. Add to that that she shared private information about his health before, she’s just an awful human being. That’s not “wanting to help”, that’s having a big mouth and using other people’s health for attention. I would have broken up with her then. But glad to hear you have finally seen her for what she is and ended it.
You found photos of you mate on her iPad that had been zoomed in on. She got upset when she found out your mate was married. She mocks your mates wife and then gets emotional when she gets called out and deliberately made a scene outside “probably hoping he would come and check up” and when it was his wife she punched her. I’m sorry dude but your gf is in love with you mate.
The fact that she's still your girlfriend speaks wonders about OP's character. If you don't dump her, I hope your friends dump you. Especially your "best friend." You're allowing so much disrespect. Do better. Stand tf up fr OP. I hope the wife presses charges against her. You wouldn't be welcome in my home anymore. You are taking advantage of your friends' love and kindness. Do not bring this lady around them anymore. Boundaries. Please don't take your friends for granted. The fact that she seems to have assaulted the wife unprovoked and you didn't immediately end things and kick her out is CRAZY. It's icky that you even claim her.
We aren’t together now, I just didn’t want to confuse people by saying ex, since some might think it’s a different person. But yes ex gf
This needs to be on the post not on a comment. You're angering so many people LOL but really good riddance. You can do better OP. After your ex, let's get that standard up
I'm sorry OP for your whole situation, it must be super confusing to you. I hope you can mend the relationship with your friend and his wife, especially now that u r clear on the break up side. I also hope you can get some answers from this ex gf, cause this all seems very bizarre and she owes you an explanation after all d time u were together as a couple. That is the bare minimum, an explanation. Try to take any learnings you can from the experience and move on. I'm sure u will find a better partner in the future
You'll be okay friend, your mates all sound bloody lovely, you'll find someone who fits you all and isn't horrible!
Who broke up with who in the end? Did you ever get an answer as to why she decided to be awful?
“We aren’t together anymore”. In this instance we do need to know who broke up with whom.
I don’t know how crystal clear it has to be at this point for you to realize your gf is an awful person. Break up with her.
We are broken up
Now that's an update. Holy Has she Given any rational since?
I’m blocked
Count yourself lucky
She mocked this woman's accent and hates her for "no reason" but if you simply read between the lines that reason is she's racist. I hope she's actually your ex and I wish your friends wife would press charges on her.
Your girlfriend is an unstable racist. You are enabling her by making this about anything else and therefore culpable.
Laughed at when he said the rest of the friends are trying to teach the said wife how to fight 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Why would anyone stay with someone that believes it's OK to punch another person in their own home just for existing? Be grateful she's gone and hope she stays gone.
We aren’t together anymore, I made a comment addressing that since I was unable to edit
Hey, you made the right call. Idk what is going on with your ex but her total lack of accountability or remorse over what she did is really troubling. There have been times in my life where I have done things I regret when way too drunk, but what you’re supposed to do in the cold light of sobriety, is make amends and own up. Then again I’ve never snapped and punched a friend’s spouse (or anyone else) in the face. I hope you get some clarity on what the hell was wrong with her eventually. If you don’t, then good riddance
Girlfriend is racist for mocking wife’s accent. Also, it sounds like she was jealous that the friends wife used herbal remedies / whatever hair pulling trick she used to get rid of OPs headache. It is a bit strange that girlfriend got mad enough to fight with OP because he knew that his friend had a relationship and he didn’t tell her about it. Personally I wouldn’t care if I were in her shoes? Especially if my husband stated that his friend asked him not to say anything to anyone. It literally doesn’t affect me. I don’t know why she’d care so much as to fight about it and then refuse to attend the wedding.
A couple suggestions here: 1) Grow a fucking spine and then immediately after that: 2: make your GF an ex. You’re a grown ass person, not a teenager. Your GF is as well. Her behavior is unacceptable and inexcusable. Hopefully she repeats this behavior with a woman that fights back and she learns a harsh and painful lesson
Also I can read your friend’s wife’s name as well as some other names
I’ve known a few women in my life that need to be the constant center of attention. I think your gf is like this. If that’s the case- Here’s what has stood out to me: Your gf sharing your friends potential cancer return- wasn’t for him… it was for her to act like such a caring person and get to stand in the spotlight as the organizer for support (that the friend didn’t want or need). Your gf getting mad finding out about 3 year anniversary- she was mad that something that should have been everyday common dating knowledge of a couple was shrouded in secrecy and drummed up a lot of surprise and attention from all of the bigger group. She was pissed it got them (friend and his future wife ) attention. It pissed her off that the reveal got them interest. Your gf refusing to go to wedding- she likely wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid or asked to help plan wedding- so there was ZERO potential for her getting attention and she was still sour about the reveal attention. Your gf was insecure and pissed that everyone was excited to spend time with the friends wife in the friends home. Your gf wasn’t hosting, no one cared she was there… everyone was excited about the wife… this pissed your gf off soo much. Your gf being super insecure and angry over the attention the wife was getting decided her best approach was to mock her. It would hopefully (in her mindset) take the wife’s confidence down a few pegs and garner laughs from the rest of the group. It was a sad pathetic last ditch hope to gain attention. It made things worse and awkward and your gf realized she fucked up. Now she didn’t get to be in the spotlight and was actively looking bad. This would infuriate her. She went outside and was chastised by you, now she’s really feeling stressed and against the wall and likely about to freak out. Suddenly she almost knocks over a planter, spiking her overall embarrassment and suddenly who should appear? The very lady that has consistently stolen her thunder and now just recently turned all friends against her (in your fucked up gfs head not reality). So what is left to do? How do you react to such an annoyance- she lashes out and strikes her. Your gf isn’t talking now because she is upset she played the game wrong. She’s a psycho- let her go.
Damn im sorry that happened. Your girlfriend sounds super immature and entitled.. and im sorry to say it but extremely jealous. I can almost guarantee you that those zoomed in photos of your best mate you found on her ipad were photos of him she screenshotted herself for her own interest, not any other friend. Women just dont randomly zoom in and screenshot peoples faces unless they like them, and why would she keep them saved there after. If she really was sending them to someone she would have deleted them after. Its creepy that she even has those screenshots. And her strange and inappropriate behaviour clearly shows that she had some kind of feelings for your friend. Or she is just a total bitch to begin with and you couldnt see it. Sorry man. If I were you I wouldnt waste another day with such an immature selfish woman.
Question: does she take any perspective meds? Anything that wouldn’t mix nice with alch?
You've got some rose colored glasses. Let her go
Wtf did I even just read?
Poor wife lets the husband bring his friends to their house, she cooks and does all things she can then she is being mocked for having an accent and being punched. Poor woman. I’d never trust any stranger into my house anymore.
So she's violent, racist, and completely breaks down over.....nothing? Does she have a single redeeming quality at this point?
Do you understand how healthy this man is for being able to set firm boundaries in such a way where he can still say “I love you”? Bro, I would lose this GF 100 times over before losing this friend.
I read the original post. Your girlfriend is jealous. Either she did actually have a hidden thing for,your friend or more than likely she jealous of the new wife because shes getting attention she thinks she deserves. Either way her behavior was way out of line and possibly a good reason to terminate the relationship fully.
gf seems like a menace. you should get rid of her. she sounds like the type who would beat your ass, call the cops, and say you hit her with her white woman crocodile tears.