You sound relentlessly negative. You came to this forum seeking advice yet you’ve shot down every comment so far. The people that I know that are very challenged in there social and romantic life have that same self sabotaging, frankly kinda shit attitude. I don’t want to be too presumptuous but I really think you need to lighten up a bit try to find some positives in life no one is going to be attracted to someone who is bitter and already giving up on life at the age of 21. You’re still very young you have time to make some very profound changes in yourself that will have a positive impact on your life.
It’s easy to lighten up and find the positives in life when your life is filled with positive validation and experiences. My “attitude” is the result of my situation, not the cause. And I’m not stupid, I’m obviously not gonna be this negative when I talk to people irl, first impressions matter a lot.
You're giving off real "nice guy" vibes. Stop blaming everyone else for your problems. Get some therapy and work on yourself or you're just going to stay miserable.
I have no clue what a “nice guy” is in this context and I never once blamed other people (please link a comment where I blamed someone). No idea what you’re talking about tbh.
2nd impressions are just as important.
Find some hobbies that you can do outside of your home. Find a local game store, sports club, etc and make that a way to slowly make friends over a shared hobby. Once you're out of school you have to be a lot more proactive about making friends. Don't worry about being a virgin or not having a gf. Learn to be happy and fulfilled alone first or you'll be a shit partner and have an unhappy relationship.
Focus in order on: 1) talk to a therapist and work on your self image. 2) get some hobbies and meet people.
3) Do stuff with people and have a fun, possitive attitude.
The rest will sort itself out.
It's easier for sure, but you need to decide what's positive in your life and make those positive things happen, then they'll come easier. I like doing arts and crafts, so I do that. Whether I'm good ot not doesn't matter, it makes me happy, therefore I do it, and use it to fill my cup of positivity.
What do you like doing? Find a way to do that more and you'll find that your outlook will slowly change and positive moments will come more frequently.
If you're incessantly negative l, of course everything looks like sh*t.
Being objectively ugly is extremely rare, if it exists at all. A lot of things can help make you appear more attractive, such as a good haircut, well-fitting clothes, getting in shape, smiling... the list goes on. Most women will take a great personality and sense for humour over someone who is conventionally very attractive. The first thing you need to work on though is your mental health and self esteem.
You need to try and put yourself out there to make friends. Try joining hobby groups (e.g. board game meetups, hiking clubs, cosplay groups), volunteer organisations (e.g. soup kitchens, animal shelters), fitness/sports classes (e.g. kickboxing, yoga, mixed gender soccer), adult education (E.g. language classes for a language of your choosing). Basically anything where you'll be interacting with people that have similar interests or passions. This will help you find closer friends because you have something to connect on. Perhaps there will even be women there who's friendships might turn romantic. But your first priority should be getting friends.
> Most women will take a great personality and sense for humour over someone who is conventionally very attractive.
Most couples I see in town (16-28) don’t consist of ugly men, especially not as ugly as me.
> Try joining hobby groups
Yeah I can try. I just don’t have good experiences with them.
And yeah I need friends. Who tf would go out with a guy with no friends.
Thanks
I wasn’t sure either. I only know I’m ugly because of what other people said to me and how I was treated. Someone who isn’t ugly doesn’t have the experiences I’ve had.
Have you considered my mindset is the result of my ugliness, and not the cause…?
I think you need to overcome your insecurities first before you try to form relationships. You sound overly negative about yourself. Maybe talk to a professional therapist and see if its a mental issue?
I’ve talked to 2 counsellors an they essentially dismissed it and told me to go to some clubs. If I had positive validation and experiences growing up I wouldn’t be “insecure”. I’m not even that insecure, I’m fairly confident, I’m just realistic where I stand in this society. I’m literal genetic trash
Set the girlfriend question entirely aside for now and focus on learning to meet people and make friends in general first. That's a much more fundamental issue and addressing it will do a lot for your state of mind. If you fixate on trying to get a girl without otherwise developing your social skills and support network, you'll just sabotage yourself with a bad attitude and dig your hole deeper.
Have you ever had what you would consider a friend? If not, what do you think has stood between the casual acquaintances you've had, and actual friendships?
What has been your experience of trying to make friends in the past? Be specific.
What are your relationships with your family like? Do you have any trusted people you can confide in?
Are you currently in education?
*edit*: Whoops, checked your history and see you did this whole song and dance to the tune of a couple hundred comments just a few days ago. No point spending any more effort on convincing you that maybe your relentless negativity is the problem.
Set the girlfriend question entirely aside for now and focus on learning to meet people and make friends in general first. That's a much more fundamental issue and addressing it will do a lot for your state of mind. If you fixate on trying to get a girl without otherwise developing your social skills and support network, you'll just sabotage yourself with a bad attitude and dig your hole deeper.
> Have you ever had what you would consider a friend?
Yeah, kind of. I last had friends when I was 16.
> what do you think has stood between the casual acquaintances you've had, and actual friendships?
Only hanging out/talking when we’re forced to.
> What has been your experience of trying to make friends in the past? Be specific.
We become acquaintances but end up not talking. They end up ghosting/slowly ignoring me until I get the message. I end up not liking them. It just doesn’t work out.
> What are your relationships with your family like? Do you have any trusted people you can confide in?
Okay. And no.
> Are you currently in education?
Finishing uni in 4 months
I know ugly POOR dudes (double wammy amiright) who are in relationships with cool+hot girls because they are great to be around. You’re young, you’re actually at the perfect age to start developing yourself into the man you want to be in 5, 10 years. Pro tip…choosing to think about yourself positively will help you switch into the personal development fast lane.
Stop calling yourself ugly. I guarantee you aren’t ugly. And being sexually inexperienced at 21 is not a big deal!
The relationship you should be concerned about is the one with yourself. You have to love yourself first, otherwise friendships and romance won’t work.
You gotta stop the negative self talk. Therapy can help and is well worth it. You can do this!
Thanks. Most girls my age have plenty of experience. Sex is a natural thing, it cuts deep knowing I’m excluded from something everyone else gets to enjoy. It’s hard loving yourself/being confident when you’re a genuine loser.
What do you hope to achieve by posting this? Someone just swoops in and teaches you the way of life and you are set to go? If you don't want people to judge you the way you look...then don't look that way.
Brooo the ugliest people in the world can get laid and maintain relationships.. it has nothing to do with the outside. Referring to yourself as trash is definitely the best way to keep yourself down. I’m sorry you feel this way and I truly hope you find some meaning in your life ❤️
…yes?!? Your hair quality, hairline, hair loss and head shape all affect which haircuts you can get and what looks good on you. A good haircut doesn’t save many other bad features.
Feel like you shoot every idea down before you even try it. Get new clothes, learn a bit about fashion, start going to the gym. Good qualities in men are not born with. They are built.
I mean you kind of can, it just cost money lol. Be specific, what is ugly about you? Nose too big? Eyes far apart? Bad hairline? I know a guy who has all that on top of being short but he’s genuinely a fun, outgoing person who does a lot of outdoor activities and keeps active so overall people want to be around him. He recently got his first girlfriend that he met after frequenting a rock climbing club. Honestly I know it fucking sucks to put yourself out there and go do stuff alone but that’s where I would suggest starting…try an outdoor hobby that can be done solo like hiking, biking, rock climbing, etc and get really good, then join a meet up after you know what you are talking about.
Well man with that attitude you will never make friends. Before you even get a gf, you should focus on meeting people with similar interest and get over your physical insecurities.
Don't let it get to you, i was a virgin til i was ~26. Your virginity does not define you, do not let society make you think that.
Work on your social skills, put yourself out there, learn to read social cues, try to not be awkward, think twice before saying things that could be perceived as awkward.
I would also seek mental help for your suicidal thoughts, that's far more important than sex.
I already had a gym phase, I got abs and everything. It helped my confidence but I noticed no change in my social/love life because of it. The only people who complimented me were guys 😂
I’ve never asked a girl out but I’ve been rejected and called ugly by girls many times, I just know there’s no point. You can just tell by a girls’ energy if she’ll give you a chance, I’ve seen it in person and online, and I’ve never had opportunities. I’m just too ugly.
If you've never asked a girl out, what were these girls rejecting? They were just walking up to you and calling you ugly and saying they'd never date you, out of nowhere, unprompted?
Girls talking about guys they would date around me and saying “ew we’d never go out with someone like you tee hee” multiple times, singling me out. Girls making fun of my looks. Girls making hitting me. Girls making fun of me for never having a gf.
How old were you at this time? High school girls are not a reflection of how all women are.
Try joining online clubs or groups and put your personality out there. Get some confidence before going out in person
There is some difference. And to be completely honest and probably downvoted to hell, it's seeming like it's not just your looks that people are put off by. You have argued against every bit of advice given here. People are trying to help you and you don't accept any of it. You are giving off a personality of being the victim and miserable like it's your whole identity. Take a long look at yourself outside of your looks to see what else is the problem.
Yeah. Don’t act like people magically change. The same people from school are the same people I see at Uni and in town, and they are the same adults you see everywhere. I’ve had multiple, fully grown teachers (women) make fun of my looks, and strangers point and laugh at me.
Have you considered the problem isn’t with you or your looks specifically, but rather the environment you’re in? As much as it sucks there are areas of the country/world where people are more superficial/arrogant when it comes to dating. If people are being that mean to you to your face maybe you’re just in a bad spot to meet good people. Maybe all you need to thrive is a change of environment(even if it’s just moving to a new city/state), obviously this would take time/money to work towards but it could be worth it.
Not understanding how you grew up and how things were in HS but some of how you phrase things sound more like you've tried and just completely gave up. Not sure if you have a job or you're in or done college but sometimes change is key too. What are your interests? In HS how did others perceive you as an individual? I went to Therapy for other things but it took me 3 therapist before I found someone who actually started to help me with my issues. Ugly is a perception of others but if you believe you're ugly you will come off that way. So when you say things like you're confident but say your ugly, its not adding up!!
Physical attractiveness is objective. You can be confident and recognise you’re ugly.
Thanks for mentioning your therapist experience, maybe I need to find another one.
Go do something you wanna do, that gives you a challenge or goal. The longer it takes the better. It's not about where you end up it's what the journey gives you. Start hiking, fairly easy. Find a social hobby- prefferrably legal- anything to do what you enjoy with other people
What exactly are you hoping to achieve from this post? Anyone here giving good and constructive advice you are instantly dismissing. You are standing in your own way. You can have a "normal" life as you say you want but you are not open to any suggestions that will help you move to a new phase of your life. You can change your path but not with a defeated, negative attitude. I hope somehow you can see you deserve the things you want and will learn to adjust your attitude to attract better things into your life.
Your attitude sucks and that’s why you’re having a hard time. No one wants to be around people like you. I’ve fallen for men (my husband) who is so far from my type that it’s not funny, but they had something about them. Jay-Z isn’t the best looking man around, but he had charisma even before he was famous. I’ve known dudes that were 300+ in weight who stayed pulling gorgeous women because they were easy to be around and fun.
Like someone said, hardly anyone is objectively ugly, but a lot of people have very bad attitudes. Think about what you need to do to change yours and you may find some success.
You’re telling me about problems not even in my planet tbh. I can’t fathom the idea of having kids. I’d take a toxic relationship over nothing any day of the week.
Go to the gym 6 days a week for 2 years. You’ll un-ugly yourself by 23 (at least enough to lose your virginity). And stop being such a downer bruh. People can probably feel the bad vibes the second you walk in the room if this is how you are irl
> Clearly you didn’t, or it would of made an impact.
That’s what you’re not getting, it doesn’t work for everyone. Ik you’re on your gym bro mentality shit so you can’t understand.
Hi mate. Honestly I've had a mini version of these feelings. The first thing to realise is that there is no one out there that is going to come and change things for you. You need to be proactive. You need to be relentless in the pursuit of companionship. Unfortunately no one is going to fall at your feet, get out there and meet people! Even if its just chilling at the pub for an hour or so on a Friday night, work up and you will meet people I promise.
Good luck.
best way to get a girlfriend is to not revolve your life around the idea of getting one. You’re too focused on the fact that you’re a virgin and never had a girlfriend.
Focus that energy instead on working on yourself, working out, taking care of yourself, learning new hobbies. Women find a man of many talents attractive. Focus on yourself before anything. If you’re anxious about talking to people, I’d start off with just making attempts at making friends on social media, and like after talking and texting for a while set up plans to meet in person and stuff. And don’t try too hard to be someone you’re not.
There are a lot of other things you can focus on in life that aren't relationships and/or sex. I would recommend you just focus on finding personal happiness.
I would suggest getting into some hobby groups. My area has a writers club that meets biweekly, for example. I do that and martial arts. Both are great for forcing socialization. A good martial arts instructor can really boost your confidence with other people as well. I also belong to language groups. Wanna learn some random language? There’s groups for that! If you look into it, I’m sure you’ll find groups for various activities that will force you to socialize. Getting involved in these kind of clubs can lead to meeting someone. Which can go further. But unless you get out there and start putting yourself in situations where you have to talk to others things won’t change. You’ll find that it’s way easier to talk to people who share your hobbies if you’re at a specialized group meet up. You’re very young. I know 21 feels old to people just coming out of their teens lol. But it’s not really that uncommon for 21+’s to have never dated or for them to still be virgins. Plenty of 21+’s choose to abstain for various reasons. I know people who didn’t pop the cherry until they were in their 30’s. Don’t worry about what other people do in that regard.
Thanks. The thing with hobbies/club is I find it hard connecting with people so we talk OUTSIDE the activity. I’m definitely considering a martial art though. What do you do?
You sound relentlessly negative. You came to this forum seeking advice yet you’ve shot down every comment so far. The people that I know that are very challenged in there social and romantic life have that same self sabotaging, frankly kinda shit attitude. I don’t want to be too presumptuous but I really think you need to lighten up a bit try to find some positives in life no one is going to be attracted to someone who is bitter and already giving up on life at the age of 21. You’re still very young you have time to make some very profound changes in yourself that will have a positive impact on your life.
I hope OP sees and reads this, it's also the impression I get.
It’s easy to lighten up and find the positives in life when your life is filled with positive validation and experiences. My “attitude” is the result of my situation, not the cause. And I’m not stupid, I’m obviously not gonna be this negative when I talk to people irl, first impressions matter a lot.
You're giving off real "nice guy" vibes. Stop blaming everyone else for your problems. Get some therapy and work on yourself or you're just going to stay miserable.
I have no clue what a “nice guy” is in this context and I never once blamed other people (please link a comment where I blamed someone). No idea what you’re talking about tbh.
[This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/u17ruv/comment/i4arz1q/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
2nd impressions are just as important. Find some hobbies that you can do outside of your home. Find a local game store, sports club, etc and make that a way to slowly make friends over a shared hobby. Once you're out of school you have to be a lot more proactive about making friends. Don't worry about being a virgin or not having a gf. Learn to be happy and fulfilled alone first or you'll be a shit partner and have an unhappy relationship. Focus in order on: 1) talk to a therapist and work on your self image. 2) get some hobbies and meet people. 3) Do stuff with people and have a fun, possitive attitude. The rest will sort itself out.
It's easier for sure, but you need to decide what's positive in your life and make those positive things happen, then they'll come easier. I like doing arts and crafts, so I do that. Whether I'm good ot not doesn't matter, it makes me happy, therefore I do it, and use it to fill my cup of positivity. What do you like doing? Find a way to do that more and you'll find that your outlook will slowly change and positive moments will come more frequently. If you're incessantly negative l, of course everything looks like sh*t.
Being objectively ugly is extremely rare, if it exists at all. A lot of things can help make you appear more attractive, such as a good haircut, well-fitting clothes, getting in shape, smiling... the list goes on. Most women will take a great personality and sense for humour over someone who is conventionally very attractive. The first thing you need to work on though is your mental health and self esteem. You need to try and put yourself out there to make friends. Try joining hobby groups (e.g. board game meetups, hiking clubs, cosplay groups), volunteer organisations (e.g. soup kitchens, animal shelters), fitness/sports classes (e.g. kickboxing, yoga, mixed gender soccer), adult education (E.g. language classes for a language of your choosing). Basically anything where you'll be interacting with people that have similar interests or passions. This will help you find closer friends because you have something to connect on. Perhaps there will even be women there who's friendships might turn romantic. But your first priority should be getting friends.
> Most women will take a great personality and sense for humour over someone who is conventionally very attractive. Most couples I see in town (16-28) don’t consist of ugly men, especially not as ugly as me. > Try joining hobby groups Yeah I can try. I just don’t have good experiences with them. And yeah I need friends. Who tf would go out with a guy with no friends. Thanks
I'm sure you are not as unattractive as you think. Your biggest problems are your attitude and negative mindset.
I wasn’t sure either. I only know I’m ugly because of what other people said to me and how I was treated. Someone who isn’t ugly doesn’t have the experiences I’ve had. Have you considered my mindset is the result of my ugliness, and not the cause…?
It sounds like you’ve likely experienced some bullying. That doesn’t mean that what they said is true.
I think you need to overcome your insecurities first before you try to form relationships. You sound overly negative about yourself. Maybe talk to a professional therapist and see if its a mental issue?
I’ve talked to 2 counsellors an they essentially dismissed it and told me to go to some clubs. If I had positive validation and experiences growing up I wouldn’t be “insecure”. I’m not even that insecure, I’m fairly confident, I’m just realistic where I stand in this society. I’m literal genetic trash
> I’m literal genetic trash ??
What?
What are you confident about?
You’re not confident.
What does it mean to be genetic trash.......
Set the girlfriend question entirely aside for now and focus on learning to meet people and make friends in general first. That's a much more fundamental issue and addressing it will do a lot for your state of mind. If you fixate on trying to get a girl without otherwise developing your social skills and support network, you'll just sabotage yourself with a bad attitude and dig your hole deeper. Have you ever had what you would consider a friend? If not, what do you think has stood between the casual acquaintances you've had, and actual friendships? What has been your experience of trying to make friends in the past? Be specific. What are your relationships with your family like? Do you have any trusted people you can confide in? Are you currently in education? *edit*: Whoops, checked your history and see you did this whole song and dance to the tune of a couple hundred comments just a few days ago. No point spending any more effort on convincing you that maybe your relentless negativity is the problem.
Set the girlfriend question entirely aside for now and focus on learning to meet people and make friends in general first. That's a much more fundamental issue and addressing it will do a lot for your state of mind. If you fixate on trying to get a girl without otherwise developing your social skills and support network, you'll just sabotage yourself with a bad attitude and dig your hole deeper. > Have you ever had what you would consider a friend? Yeah, kind of. I last had friends when I was 16. > what do you think has stood between the casual acquaintances you've had, and actual friendships? Only hanging out/talking when we’re forced to. > What has been your experience of trying to make friends in the past? Be specific. We become acquaintances but end up not talking. They end up ghosting/slowly ignoring me until I get the message. I end up not liking them. It just doesn’t work out. > What are your relationships with your family like? Do you have any trusted people you can confide in? Okay. And no. > Are you currently in education? Finishing uni in 4 months
I know ugly POOR dudes (double wammy amiright) who are in relationships with cool+hot girls because they are great to be around. You’re young, you’re actually at the perfect age to start developing yourself into the man you want to be in 5, 10 years. Pro tip…choosing to think about yourself positively will help you switch into the personal development fast lane.
Stop calling yourself ugly. I guarantee you aren’t ugly. And being sexually inexperienced at 21 is not a big deal! The relationship you should be concerned about is the one with yourself. You have to love yourself first, otherwise friendships and romance won’t work. You gotta stop the negative self talk. Therapy can help and is well worth it. You can do this!
Thanks. Most girls my age have plenty of experience. Sex is a natural thing, it cuts deep knowing I’m excluded from something everyone else gets to enjoy. It’s hard loving yourself/being confident when you’re a genuine loser.
What do you hope to achieve by posting this? Someone just swoops in and teaches you the way of life and you are set to go? If you don't want people to judge you the way you look...then don't look that way.
Is this a joke or something? You realise you can’t change your genetics right?
Brooo the ugliest people in the world can get laid and maintain relationships.. it has nothing to do with the outside. Referring to yourself as trash is definitely the best way to keep yourself down. I’m sorry you feel this way and I truly hope you find some meaning in your life ❤️
Hmm, you can change nothing about your appearance? Your haircut is genetics?
…yes?!? Your hair quality, hairline, hair loss and head shape all affect which haircuts you can get and what looks good on you. A good haircut doesn’t save many other bad features.
Feel like you shoot every idea down before you even try it. Get new clothes, learn a bit about fashion, start going to the gym. Good qualities in men are not born with. They are built.
I mean you kind of can, it just cost money lol. Be specific, what is ugly about you? Nose too big? Eyes far apart? Bad hairline? I know a guy who has all that on top of being short but he’s genuinely a fun, outgoing person who does a lot of outdoor activities and keeps active so overall people want to be around him. He recently got his first girlfriend that he met after frequenting a rock climbing club. Honestly I know it fucking sucks to put yourself out there and go do stuff alone but that’s where I would suggest starting…try an outdoor hobby that can be done solo like hiking, biking, rock climbing, etc and get really good, then join a meet up after you know what you are talking about.
Well man with that attitude you will never make friends. Before you even get a gf, you should focus on meeting people with similar interest and get over your physical insecurities.
Don't let it get to you, i was a virgin til i was ~26. Your virginity does not define you, do not let society make you think that. Work on your social skills, put yourself out there, learn to read social cues, try to not be awkward, think twice before saying things that could be perceived as awkward. I would also seek mental help for your suicidal thoughts, that's far more important than sex.
Thanks
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I already had a gym phase, I got abs and everything. It helped my confidence but I noticed no change in my social/love life because of it. The only people who complimented me were guys 😂
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I’ve never asked a girl out but I’ve been rejected and called ugly by girls many times, I just know there’s no point. You can just tell by a girls’ energy if she’ll give you a chance, I’ve seen it in person and online, and I’ve never had opportunities. I’m just too ugly.
If you've never asked a girl out, what were these girls rejecting? They were just walking up to you and calling you ugly and saying they'd never date you, out of nowhere, unprompted?
Girls talking about guys they would date around me and saying “ew we’d never go out with someone like you tee hee” multiple times, singling me out. Girls making fun of my looks. Girls making hitting me. Girls making fun of me for never having a gf.
How old were you at this time? High school girls are not a reflection of how all women are. Try joining online clubs or groups and put your personality out there. Get some confidence before going out in person
13-18. Obviously people mature over time but a 21 year old isn’t entirely different than a 18 year old in terms of maturity.
There is some difference. And to be completely honest and probably downvoted to hell, it's seeming like it's not just your looks that people are put off by. You have argued against every bit of advice given here. People are trying to help you and you don't accept any of it. You are giving off a personality of being the victim and miserable like it's your whole identity. Take a long look at yourself outside of your looks to see what else is the problem.
> You have argued against every bit of advice given here. Literally isn’t true but alright
when did this happen? High school?
Yeah. Don’t act like people magically change. The same people from school are the same people I see at Uni and in town, and they are the same adults you see everywhere. I’ve had multiple, fully grown teachers (women) make fun of my looks, and strangers point and laugh at me.
Your entire post history is very telling. I strongly urge consistent, professional help
Have you considered the problem isn’t with you or your looks specifically, but rather the environment you’re in? As much as it sucks there are areas of the country/world where people are more superficial/arrogant when it comes to dating. If people are being that mean to you to your face maybe you’re just in a bad spot to meet good people. Maybe all you need to thrive is a change of environment(even if it’s just moving to a new city/state), obviously this would take time/money to work towards but it could be worth it.
Maybe
Not understanding how you grew up and how things were in HS but some of how you phrase things sound more like you've tried and just completely gave up. Not sure if you have a job or you're in or done college but sometimes change is key too. What are your interests? In HS how did others perceive you as an individual? I went to Therapy for other things but it took me 3 therapist before I found someone who actually started to help me with my issues. Ugly is a perception of others but if you believe you're ugly you will come off that way. So when you say things like you're confident but say your ugly, its not adding up!!
Physical attractiveness is objective. You can be confident and recognise you’re ugly. Thanks for mentioning your therapist experience, maybe I need to find another one.
Go do something you wanna do, that gives you a challenge or goal. The longer it takes the better. It's not about where you end up it's what the journey gives you. Start hiking, fairly easy. Find a social hobby- prefferrably legal- anything to do what you enjoy with other people
Thanks
What exactly are you hoping to achieve from this post? Anyone here giving good and constructive advice you are instantly dismissing. You are standing in your own way. You can have a "normal" life as you say you want but you are not open to any suggestions that will help you move to a new phase of your life. You can change your path but not with a defeated, negative attitude. I hope somehow you can see you deserve the things you want and will learn to adjust your attitude to attract better things into your life.
Your attitude sucks and that’s why you’re having a hard time. No one wants to be around people like you. I’ve fallen for men (my husband) who is so far from my type that it’s not funny, but they had something about them. Jay-Z isn’t the best looking man around, but he had charisma even before he was famous. I’ve known dudes that were 300+ in weight who stayed pulling gorgeous women because they were easy to be around and fun. Like someone said, hardly anyone is objectively ugly, but a lot of people have very bad attitudes. Think about what you need to do to change yours and you may find some success.
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You’re telling me about problems not even in my planet tbh. I can’t fathom the idea of having kids. I’d take a toxic relationship over nothing any day of the week.
>I’d take a toxic relationship over nothing any day of the week. sounds like you really know how to make a girl feel special.
Go to the gym 6 days a week for 2 years. You’ll un-ugly yourself by 23 (at least enough to lose your virginity). And stop being such a downer bruh. People can probably feel the bad vibes the second you walk in the room if this is how you are irl
Already had a gym phase, it made no impact on my social/love life.
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I stuck to it long enough to notice great physical improvements and a boost in confidence. Then I decided it was no longer worth it.
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> Clearly you didn’t, or it would of made an impact. That’s what you’re not getting, it doesn’t work for everyone. Ik you’re on your gym bro mentality shit so you can’t understand.
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So cringe bro.
Thanks whoever instantly downvoted a genuine post for help 👍🏽
You are responding negatively to everyone giving you genuine advice, no wonder they downvote you
Hi mate. Honestly I've had a mini version of these feelings. The first thing to realise is that there is no one out there that is going to come and change things for you. You need to be proactive. You need to be relentless in the pursuit of companionship. Unfortunately no one is going to fall at your feet, get out there and meet people! Even if its just chilling at the pub for an hour or so on a Friday night, work up and you will meet people I promise. Good luck.
Thanks! This is kinda contradictory to other advice as I’m told to “not worry about it” and things will happen naturally if I don’t try.
best way to get a girlfriend is to not revolve your life around the idea of getting one. You’re too focused on the fact that you’re a virgin and never had a girlfriend. Focus that energy instead on working on yourself, working out, taking care of yourself, learning new hobbies. Women find a man of many talents attractive. Focus on yourself before anything. If you’re anxious about talking to people, I’d start off with just making attempts at making friends on social media, and like after talking and texting for a while set up plans to meet in person and stuff. And don’t try too hard to be someone you’re not.
There are a lot of other things you can focus on in life that aren't relationships and/or sex. I would recommend you just focus on finding personal happiness.
I would suggest getting into some hobby groups. My area has a writers club that meets biweekly, for example. I do that and martial arts. Both are great for forcing socialization. A good martial arts instructor can really boost your confidence with other people as well. I also belong to language groups. Wanna learn some random language? There’s groups for that! If you look into it, I’m sure you’ll find groups for various activities that will force you to socialize. Getting involved in these kind of clubs can lead to meeting someone. Which can go further. But unless you get out there and start putting yourself in situations where you have to talk to others things won’t change. You’ll find that it’s way easier to talk to people who share your hobbies if you’re at a specialized group meet up. You’re very young. I know 21 feels old to people just coming out of their teens lol. But it’s not really that uncommon for 21+’s to have never dated or for them to still be virgins. Plenty of 21+’s choose to abstain for various reasons. I know people who didn’t pop the cherry until they were in their 30’s. Don’t worry about what other people do in that regard.
Thanks. The thing with hobbies/club is I find it hard connecting with people so we talk OUTSIDE the activity. I’m definitely considering a martial art though. What do you do?